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Our Spy Travels Back To 10,000 B.C. With Roland Emmerich!

mammoths and pyramids! by BadMrWonka	Sep 16th, 2007 04:10:24 AM
fringe science is almost as bad as creationism sometimes...
What? No Wooly Raptors? by Aloy	Sep 16th, 2007 04:20:41 AM
I'm soooo disappointed.
Is Ringo Star in it? by CENOBITE	Sep 16th, 2007 04:22:20 AM
Or a T-rex that get's high eating a bush?
Dammit in my caveman movies I demand: by palimpsest	Sep 16th, 2007 04:35:39 AM
Animal-skin bikinis, anachronistic dinosaurs (preferably stop-motion, though I'm willing to consider slow-motion footage of real lizards with rubber bits stuck to them), warring tribes of peoples (prefereably called 'Rock People' and 'Stone People' or some such malarkey leading to a Romeo + Juliet romance between members of the groups which can only be settled by the aforementioned bikini women wrestling adjacent to a lava-spurting volcano which is sheltering a pterodactyl nest simply chock-full of hatching eggs. Sheesh, Emmerich, you Teutonic doofus, get back to making Michael Pare films!
Is is better than the Geico "Caveman" TV spinoff? by Mullah Omar	Sep 16th, 2007 04:38:15 AM
That's my new barometer for shitty caveman-related media. Sorry Ringo.
I thought it was Johnny Hart's BC... by BurnHollywood	Sep 16th, 2007 04:42:02 AM
Two hours of overly religious cave dwellers rolling around barefoot on wheels with an axle threaded through them, making one-line jokes...
Do they speak Cavish? by emp	Sep 16th, 2007 04:42:33 AM
Or English? I hope English with some nice ghetto slang from this ticky-tacky kid.
Can't believe by Maximillian Roivas	Sep 16th, 2007 04:43:19 AM
They managed to make a racist movie bout cavemen. Once again, Hollywood shocks and awes me in the worst way possible
When they get back to the village... by emp	Sep 16th, 2007 04:46:21 AM
Are we treated with a view of their everyday life, like a group of teenagers hanging around break-dancing and saying "Wazzup lil' bitches?"
Memories Of Murder by palimpsest	Sep 16th, 2007 04:50:06 AM
Yep, QUEST FOR FIRE is a stand-alone movie, a thing of left-field wonderment. And I appreciate the distinction that you draw. Let's face it, though, Emmerich is no artist, and he'd surely be much happier with [insert random catastrophe] that creates carnage in New York, as that's pretty much his stock in trade. I swear that if in this movie he has some wolves escape from a prehistoric zoo to menace some cold people in this flick, I'll be round at Castle Emmerich with a gang of pitchfork-wielding cineastes faster than you can say "whatever happened to Jaye Davidson?".
Maybe there'll be a comedy rap. by palimpsest	Sep 16th, 2007 04:54:26 AM
Always a high point of any film.
No Surprise Here. Emmerich's A Hack of Epic Proportions by grievenom	Sep 16th, 2007 05:01:06 AM
Along with Stephen Sommers, and to a lesser degree Wolfgang Petersen. They make action movies devoid of any soul.
Quest for Fire!!! Best caveman movie ever made! by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 05:02:10 AM
Say what you will about Quest for Fire!!!, that's probably the closest interpretation to Caveman life will ever get from Hollywood.
I saw Camilla Belle in the trailer and laughed by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 05:04:57 AM
I'm sorry, nothing against you Camilla, but am I supposed to believe women look like this, http://tinyurl.com/2smhaf in the stoneage? Go fuck a goat!
Orionsangels by BadMrWonka	Sep 16th, 2007 05:05:28 AM
well, except that it's a French movie...you think Hollywood would ever do that?
To me it sounds pretty much like 300... by DerLanghaarige	Sep 16th, 2007 05:05:46 AM
...only that the actionscenes are not in slow motion, then sped up for a second, slowed down again, sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up,slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up,slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up, slowed down, sped up, and so on and that the dialogue will probably less annoying and the heroes will be more sympathic. But I skip it anyway. Not a huge Emmerich Fan.
Stephen Sommers by palimpsest	Sep 16th, 2007 05:08:40 AM
At least he made DEEP RISING, which knows it's a campy action movie, and has the common decency to give Treat Williams a leading role. His latter career seems only to act as a catalyst for Rob Cohen to get work when he can't be arsed with his own franchises any more. Wolfgang Petersen made DAS BOOT, which is not just a fine piece of storytelling, but the single best submarine drama ever (and the mini-series version kicks the living poo out of the movie cut-down version). His Hollywood stuff has been largely disappointing, though IN THE LINE OF FIRE still works.
bad enough hollywood is full a pretty people but... by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 05:08:48 AM
even caveman movies have to have pretty people? brad pitt as jesse james? hiew buttt ugly people damn it. where are those large foreheads? thats why quest for fire ruled. those people were fucking ugly. what's next tom cruise as a Aboriginal?
French movie starring an American actor Ron Perlman by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 05:11:37 AM
It was released in America as a popcorn flick in the 80's, might as well be Hollywood. It was very mainstream.
good by AllieJamison	Sep 16th, 2007 05:11:40 AM
can't look forward to any movie. There are so much films I still need to watch. It's helpful that there are some of them that I can just ignore...that I won't even touch at the video store. But then again...I think it's interesting and important to also see bad films. Damn.
Hey Orions... by palimpsest	Sep 16th, 2007 05:13:29 AM
Tom's been passing himself off as a) tall, b) heterosexual, c) spunky young cocksure lawyer / poolshark / race driver / samurai etc who learns humility and responsibility the hard way, d) member of a respectable religious organisation and so on for getting on for three decades. Frankly, I don't see aboriginal as too much of a challenge for this master of disguise...
true palimpsest by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 05:17:10 AM
I just wish movies would try a go for realism first, rather than the actor with socalled boxoffice draw. That's why I respect and enjoy Mel Gibson films. He never goes for big actors. He's thinking, how can I make this look as real as possible? I wanna take you back in time. Mel should make a caveman movie
Another thing! Teeth and Westerns by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 05:21:56 AM
Most people had bad teeth in the 19th century. They didn't have the advancments we have today in dentristry. Yet in most westerns. cowboys have white sparkly teeth, like brad pitts jesse james. Go fuck a goat! That's why I like Sergio Leone westerns, those guys look dirty, i mean filthy. You believe these guys live in the danky old west.
Other candidates for caveman movie directors... by palimpsest	Sep 16th, 2007 05:22:54 AM
Pedro Almodovar / David Lynch / Ken Loach / Ken Russell / Nick Broomfield / Larry Clark...
Oh dear. That sounds bad! by Col. Tigh-Fighter	Sep 16th, 2007 05:26:35 AM
Clan of the Cave Bear bad!!
STAR WARS by palimpsest	Sep 16th, 2007 05:27:04 AM
Personally, I like my sci-fi fantasies with 1970s hairstyles. I suppose there always have to be concessions to the contemporary world (teeth, hair, looks, language, production values). There's a trade-off between realism and reality, I think, and if movies can at least go for realism, then they don't have to achieve reality.
Roland Emmerich took a shit and packaged it as film? by JackPumpkinhead	Sep 16th, 2007 05:35:29 AM
Oh, no! Who would have expected that from him? Is there no-one we can trust anymore? Paul W.S., you are the only hope...
Turns into Stargate? by photoboy	Sep 16th, 2007 05:51:08 AM
Does that mean Ra arrives in his pyramid ship and abducts someone, thus tying the film into Stargate?
Roland Emmerich film turns out to be shit by kwisatzhaderach	Sep 16th, 2007 06:02:29 AM
what a shocker. Moon 44, Universal Soldier, Stargate, Independence Day, Godzilla and The Day After Tomorrow were all awful.
I forgot by kwisatzhaderach	Sep 16th, 2007 06:04:33 AM
Joey/Making Contact, Ghost Chase and The Patriot. They were terrible too.
LOL by Mace Tofu	Sep 16th, 2007 06:17:19 AM
That list made me laugh kwisatzhaderach.
UPDATE: Cronenberg wins Toronto Film Festival by palimpsest	Sep 16th, 2007 06:18:18 AM
EASTERN PROMISES wins best picture. Yep Cronenberg's a homeboy, but what the hell. He is, after all, David Cronenberg. That is all.
Emmerich ALWAYS make them "tongue-in-cheek..." by Nosferatu Jones	Sep 16th, 2007 06:36:48 AM
...unfortunately, it's always unintentional. At this point, Emmerich makes movies that pander to and insult audiences much like Michael Bay. Two directors whose films I'll never, EVER pay good money again to watch. Dumb, dumb, dumb, and not in a good way.
Orionsangels by mrbong	Sep 16th, 2007 07:08:13 AM
you are taking the piss, yeah? the reason there are no "big names" is Mel's films is because of his astonishing lack of realism or fact in his films. the known names in his films have diminished with every passing film since Braveheart, because no one wants to to look like a simpleton for agreeing to be in his fuckings of history.
Korg 70,000 AD: Mastadon Boogaloo by TomBodet	Sep 16th, 2007 07:09:45 AM
SOMEONE hadda say it, you knew I would. Anyways. I like the ID4 crew's stuff in general, but I do know it's basically just shit.
some advice offered by mrbong	Sep 16th, 2007 07:10:40 AM
for a relatively low fee, i have just ordered a 2-in-1 set of The Land That Time Forgot and The People That Time Forgot. rather just go and order that than wait for this.
Best caveman movies by kingink123	Sep 16th, 2007 07:11:55 AM
I know that Quest for Fire is the ultimate caveman movie as far as "realistic" portrayal is concerned. But has anyone seen "Missing Link" an odd late 80's docu/drama about a neanderthal caveman very similar to Quest. The effects were by Rick Baker. Its not too bad at all. Hard to find, but it shows up on spanish tv every now and then for some reason. And you can't forget the amazing "1,000,000 Years B.C." And I've hated every single thing that Emmerich has done. Stargate, Idependence Day, Godzilla, Day after Tomorrow, etc. The guy is a hack.
ID4, Godzilla, Day after Tomorrow, enough said. by jae683	Sep 16th, 2007 07:25:29 AM
Another crap fest coming. Like Kingink123 said, this guy is a hack. Does it surprise anyone this movie will be bad?
Best caveman movie is... by TELF	Sep 16th, 2007 07:40:07 AM
Blatantly Encino Man. Come on guys, get with it!
racially mixed societies in the stone age? by Windowlicker74	Sep 16th, 2007 07:51:04 AM
then you know you're watching a hollywood movie..
That makes me feel old by BeatsMe	Sep 16th, 2007 07:56:19 AM
That someone has fond childhood memories of ID4 and Stargate.
'Stargate and ID4 are solid memories in my childhood" by Osmosis Jones	Sep 16th, 2007 08:03:56 AM
I'm getting old...
Hey Osmosis & Beats me by Manos	Sep 16th, 2007 08:08:00 AM
My feelings exactly. Now excuse me. I have to go take my teeth out and put them in a glass.
No Rae Dawn Chong or Raquel Welch.... by Big Dan	Sep 16th, 2007 08:08:08 AM
equals no butts in seats. He should re-edit it with The Dat After Tomorrow and call it "ICE AGE"...........oops already taken.
Sorry I meant "DAY" by Big Dan	Sep 16th, 2007 08:09:54 AM
oops
Cap-tain Caaaaveman! by Das UberMan!	Sep 16th, 2007 08:17:51 AM
Moriarty, It's not so much that caveman pictures don't work; it's that frozen caveman based entertainment works so well.
So it's got time travel and aliens in it... by V'Shael	Sep 16th, 2007 08:23:37 AM
I can't wait until he makes a 17th century period piece... or Little Women. And they're all clones or some shit.
Memories-of-Murder/Mace Tofu by kwisatzhaderach	Sep 16th, 2007 08:27:39 AM
Happy to entertain. I simply wrote down the terrible ones I could remember. Then I realised it was his entire filmography. Somebody should do a biopic of Dean Devlin/Roland Emmerich like Burton did with Ed Wood. What with Emmerich's Germanic accent and Devlin forever bleating about how he was at the first performance of Star Wars and "then I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of MY life!" we could have a cult classic on our hands. I fail to see how watching Star Wars would inspire anyone to want to make shit for 20 years though.
Great review! I needed a good laugh by performingmonkey	Sep 16th, 2007 08:28:20 AM
I think you'll agree we can trust Mori's reviews above all others.
Even Mori-posted reviews, I mean, obviously by performingmonkey	Sep 16th, 2007 08:29:52 AM

Zug Zugged from the start. by Rando Calrisian	Sep 16th, 2007 08:29:54 AM
Too bad. I would have really liked to have seen something cool from this film.
Warner Bros. and Legendary don't need this shit by YackBacker	Sep 16th, 2007 08:30:07 AM
Come on, morons. Aside from 300 and Batman Begins, this has been a TERRIBLE streak of movies/flops over the past two years. Is there a new form of cocaine out there in L.A. that makes you like shitty movie concepts (more than usual?)???
YackBacker by kwisatzhaderach	Sep 16th, 2007 08:33:28 AM
I think Fox must take the award for worst recent streak of movies in Hollywood history. In the 80s and 90s it was one of the top studios going. Ever since Mechanic left and Murdoch got his grubby fingers all over it it's gone to shit.
Emmerich sucks mastodon cock........................... by crackerfarmboy	Sep 16th, 2007 08:33:50 AM
Sadly, he is successful with this formula: 1) Convince studio to give him $100 Million. 2) Create the flashiest, coolest, and most intriguing trailer possible. 3) Produce a shit film that, because of the trailer, makes $100 Milliion in the opening weekend. Then goes on to make a modest profit. 4) Continue his assault on human intelligence ad nauseum.
The Hack Pack by kwisatzhaderach	Sep 16th, 2007 08:35:01 AM
When is somebody going to write a book/make a movie about The Hack Pack? That's what I want to know.
Memories-of-Murder: Funnily enough by kwisatzhaderach	Sep 16th, 2007 08:39:18 AM
A mate recently sent me a YouTube link with the Superman and Exorcist Turkish trailers. I spilled my drink watching those. The Exorcist one is truly staggering, if anybody hasn't seen check it out on YouTube now!
Cenobite mentioned the only caveman movie worth by kikuchiyoboy	Sep 16th, 2007 08:39:29 AM
seeing... besides the first protion of 2001:A Space Odyssey. "Atouk zoog zoog Lana"
Why bring back memories of shitfest "The Patriot" by kikuchiyoboy	Sep 16th, 2007 08:45:43 AM
The movie should have been called "Their Back!" I swear every other sequence was about someone running away then returning in the nick of time for battle. And don't get me started on the music ques on that film. He should stick to 2nd unit.
Give my regards to King Tut Asshole! by Midol Boy	Sep 16th, 2007 08:57:11 AM
Ahhh, the cheese. Welcome to earf! Now, that's what I call a close encounter.
Frozen cavemen movies are gold, I agree... by Big Dan	Sep 16th, 2007 08:59:33 AM
What was that movie where John Lone played a frozen caveman? And of course there's always that Scooby Doo episode where that scientist made a machine that would talk to dolphins or some such crap. Now that is genius! Roland should make that next.
Evolet is TE(H) LOVE backwards, right? by Pound Sand	Sep 16th, 2007 09:01:00 AM
I see what you did there.
It's my mother, I will put her on speaker. by classyfredblassy	Sep 16th, 2007 09:02:33 AM
And she will tell you Emmerich is the worst big budget hak working today.
Emmerich's the Micheal Bay of sci-fi/fantasy by football	Sep 16th, 2007 09:18:11 AM
He's shit and that's being generous. He's also a closet Nazi which is evident in his Patriot movie whereby he's never forgiven the British for giving them a bloody nose in 2 world wars so makes up stuff like the Brits burning families in barns... a Nazi trait and not a British one! So what a surpise he's got a Teutonic myth of white supremacy dressed up as neo-paganism at the heart of his story!! He's probably got “Der Ring des Nibelungen” playing over the end credits too, the bloody nazi. Hate him and his awful movies!! Good review though... and honest
Emmerich's films always sound like good ideas... by rbatty024	Sep 16th, 2007 09:42:45 AM
until you realize Emmerich is the one behind them. Even if the concept is good, the execution is almost always terrible. Stargate is the closest this guy has come to making a good film.
Good review by dr sauch	Sep 16th, 2007 09:51:48 AM
It was funny. I think that kids will like this. I too loved ID4 when it came out. When I see it on TV now, It's almost laughably bad. I think thats what Emmerich does best, gives kids that one, over-the-top CGI nonsense movie that you remember forever.
This years Little Miss Sunshine by Trik_Ster	Sep 16th, 2007 09:58:41 AM
someone had to do it
This sounds absolutely retarded. by Batutta	Sep 16th, 2007 09:59:31 AM
A hot chick in 10,000 B.C. would probably have copious amounts of facial hair, a greasy dirt complexion, scraggly teeth, matted hair, a period stain running down her leg and smell like B.O. and tuna fish.
I'm getting sick of the PC 'oh no, it has blonde hair by Jugs	Sep 16th, 2007 10:07:31 AM
..and blue eyes' so that means it must be crap. Hollywood has put the white man in the front since Chaplin, and it's chugged along in it's own wrapped up world since then. What about the fact that women are only ever reactive in films? Or daughter of him, or wife of the other or mother, so safely non sexy, to the other dude? Get over yourselves, films are not the real world.
Das Ubermann... by The_Fredo	Sep 16th, 2007 10:18:21 AM
...we all know that the greatest caveman story waiting to be told is the film adaptation of Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. After all, "I'm a caveman. Your scientists thawed me out of ice. Your modern world scares me, but not as much as a guilty verdict." I miss Phil f**king Hartmann!
Also.... by football	Sep 16th, 2007 10:26:48 AM
Why have a character called Tick Tock which is the sound of a clock's mechanism which clearly weren't invented in 10,000 BC!! I also hate all this PC stuff, but one thing I find more offensive is the myth that the old world wasn't at all tribal but a happy, "everyone gets along just fine" place where no borders or boundaries exist. The human race is tribal. Always has been and always will be.... and Emmerich is still a goosestepping nazi with little or no talent other than goosestepping.
In fact, it's Übermensch. by DerLanghaarige	Sep 16th, 2007 10:38:57 AM
But you can also write Uebermensch, in case you don't have an 'Ü' on your keyboard ;)
I'll pass... by The Moseph	Sep 16th, 2007 10:47:54 AM
Good God...there's so much fundamentally wrong with this flick... Doesn't Emmerich have a clue where the so called 'races' came from? We're all human...one race...the various differences in physical traits is genetic, handed down through the generations. What did the people look like that we all came from? Don't know for sure, but try imagining all of us mixed together. Emmerich is either knowingly or unwittingly spreading even more nonsense about the 'races' evolving from one another. Yep, folks, that's where racism comes from...ever heard of a man named Hitler?
ugh. Roland Emmerich is the worst of the worst by beefywhore	Sep 16th, 2007 10:47:56 AM
If He and Paul W.S. Anderson, and Renny Harlin could all die in a firey helicopter crash the world would be a better place.
Roland Emmerich is a huge fagus by godoffireinhell	Sep 16th, 2007 10:55:34 AM
but that's alright, the problem is he's also a truly terrible director who is no better than a W.S. Anderson. And Uwe Boll's flicks are more fun than his.
THIS........IS........10,000 B.C.!!!!! by BetaRayBill07	Sep 16th, 2007 10:58:44 AM
Someone had to do this too.
You had me at super-hot, blue-eyed, white Evolet by BetaRayBill07	Sep 16th, 2007 11:00:55 AM
Man no chance of STD's back then too probably....good times....
BetaRayBill07, RE: STD's. Some had crabs on their junk by Pound Sand	Sep 16th, 2007 11:03:12 AM
http://img528.imageshack.us/im g528/9961/coconutcrab2zt4.jpg
the moseph by Windowlicker74	Sep 16th, 2007 11:10:39 AM
The problem is not that the movie depicts different races, cause in 10,000 y BC there already were different races ( it's not THAT long ago), it's just that they weren't mixed back then. I love the ' we're all human' part though. Just as a dog is a dog..
hope the black guy gets to spout off some ebonics! by HamiltonGeyser	Sep 16th, 2007 11:23:23 AM
oh no you di'unt, u mammoth muthafucka! At least the movie isnt the other stereotype: a white hero, vaguely asian/hispanic hot chick, and an evil english guy.
wait, are the badguys led by an evil british guy? by HamiltonGeyser	Sep 16th, 2007 11:24:13 AM
then it would be perfect...
Oooh, very Larry Davidian. by MikeTheSpike	Sep 16th, 2007 11:24:15 AM
Isn't using the term "Eskimos" pretty much frowned upon these days?
Crystal Ball by ironpants	Sep 16th, 2007 11:30:34 AM
There will be a modest audience the first weekend in theaters (I place it in the top five). It'll be reviewed badly but people love a spectacle. I forsee it on the shelves of Target 45 - 48 days after theatrical release. It will do gangbusters in the overseas market and the executives will take a swim in their vault of money Scrooge McDuck style. Rinse, repeat.
I could have sworn by Trik_Ster	Sep 16th, 2007 11:30:40 AM
that I saw a trailer for this that had a ostrich cavalry you know a army riding ostriches this was 6 mos to a year ago
Enuits is the preferred nomenclature, please, Dude... by LORDRANDO	Sep 16th, 2007 11:34:26 AM
Not Eskimos. Ive said it before and Ill say it again. Who could trust a man given a huge budget to make a Godzilla picture and the best he can do is to turn the greatest kai-ju in the world into a girl who runs from helicopters. Fuck that guy for that and that ink stained teeth gag in The Patriot, I mean, who the hell thought that was funny?
First! by MagicPhone	Sep 16th, 2007 11:38:18 AM
This looks great!
Squeezin' the jeh-eeewwws. by Galva	Sep 16th, 2007 11:44:50 AM
Somebody had to say it.
HamiltonGeyser by Galva	Sep 16th, 2007 11:46:49 AM
If the bad guys were lead by a dude with a British accent, I'd see this movie in a midnight screening. As is, it should at least be easy prey for a Rifftracking.
Trik_ster - 10,000BC teaser trailer here: by palimpsest	Sep 16th, 2007 11:48:06 AM
http://tinyurl.com/yvlj2g - feel free to tick off all the cliches...
What the hell? by LORDRANDO	Sep 16th, 2007 11:48:40 AM
Im sure this movie sucked but this reviewers cred is in question due to his support of ID4. Ive always felt like the effects department and the principal photography made two different movies on that one, and they both sucked. And i dont care whats on the news, if im in a stripbar and Vivica Fox is twirling around in a thong, im looking at her ass, not the TV.
Pound Sand by BetaRayBill07	Sep 16th, 2007 11:52:23 AM
Geez all my prehistoric cave dweller fantasies flushed down the drain lol
Ive always wondered.... by LORDRANDO	Sep 16th, 2007 11:56:05 AM
Did cavemen poop in mid-stride like animals, or go behind a bush, or squat like a cat or dog? Maybe Roland can answer these and other questions.
Well written mate. by Filmrage	Sep 16th, 2007 11:56:34 AM
That's it's not a 300 is a plus to me. . . . . How can Emerich go from movie perfection (for a popcorn muncher that is) with ID to garbage like Godzilla and seemingly now this?
What would a real tiger do???? by Filmrage	Sep 16th, 2007 11:59:40 AM
Actually, if you did happen to come across a Lion or Tiger of todays world that was stuck in a bog or something and you rescued it in a way that it was obvious to the beast with whatever faculties is has then would it instantly disregard the fact that you helped it and attack you upon being freed?
Trailer by Fortunesfool	Sep 16th, 2007 12:12:02 PM
I'll bet it has a great trailer. Emmerich movies always have great trailers. The Films? Shit. But the trailers are always ace.
PLAAANT has chosen BluRay and here's why by Motoko Kusanagi	Sep 16th, 2007 12:16:25 PM
'cause he's cooking the flames of Optimus too soon nipple books!!!
reviewer tryin to be edgey by Meatbiscuit	Sep 16th, 2007 12:19:47 PM
but hes clearly dumber than the cavemen in the movie.
How can we take anything this guy says seriously? by slone13	Sep 16th, 2007 12:23:31 PM
He doesn't even know Snuffy's real name. It's SnuffleUPAGUS not SnuffalUFFAGUS. Moron. Know you Muppets!
Warner is going to get fucked over with this by AlwaysThere	Sep 16th, 2007 12:45:13 PM
That's a hefty chunk of change down the toilet.
Warners know they're going to take it up the arse by palimpsest	Sep 16th, 2007 12:53:30 PM
Why else have a March release date? They want this movie in and out of the collective consciousness well before THE DARK KNIGHT hits cinemas. Looking at the 08 release schedule (which will probably change) they're minimising risk by having nothing big/effects/action oriented near it, so it'll have at least a biggish opening weekend and probably enough momentum to recoup production costs domestically. It'll make back marketing etc overseas and go into profit on DVD/TV and cable sales. Thus Emmerich is allowed to make more films...
Thats not the same trailer I saw by Trik_Ster	Sep 16th, 2007 12:57:06 PM
I think the movie was rewritten, reshot, recut after the first trailer was released. There were a lot of groans about the other trailer. So they changed a lot, but not the thing that everyone was groang about. The pyramids and caveman theme.
Ook! Fire Good! Movie bad! by Zardoz	Sep 16th, 2007 01:02:36 PM
yeesh! Who the fuck thought anyone would be interested in a GOOD caveman movie, let alone a mastadon turd like this one?
Thanks for your post, Batutta... by monster2Bpitied	Sep 16th, 2007 01:25:06 PM
It's giving me an erection.
"The movie turns into Stargate" by And Nicolas Cage as Fu Manchu	Sep 16th, 2007 01:28:20 PM
Could it be? Does the movie feature reptilian humanoids in the Ice Age a la Chrono Trigger? If so I may see this just for the hell of it, it's so ridiculous. ^^;
Ah, QUEST FOR FIRE: My first exposure to "doggy style." by Nosferatu Jones	Sep 16th, 2007 01:37:51 PM
Saw QUEST on HBO back in 1982... we were all talking about that sweet little bit of lovemakin' down by the stream (between Pearlman and Chong, methinks?) at my middle school the next day. Totally blew my 10-year old mind and I've never been the same since.
football by monster2Bpitied	Sep 16th, 2007 01:44:37 PM
If you hate "all this PC stuff", just be thankful they're not calling the film 10,000 B.C.E.! Speaking of which, I do hope there's a scene in which a caveperson refers to the date and says it's 10,000 B.C.
MAKING CONTACT.. by pretentiousboy	Sep 16th, 2007 01:53:29 PM
Remember, it was one of rolands first films (scary as heck ventriliquist dummy that stops a kid named Joey from talking to his dead father on the telephone). He took a simple plot and made it of epic scale with grand camera moves and sweeping score. Roland buddy, get back to the awe and wonderment your good at. Stop with this crap.
Well yeah Rae Dawn Chong in Quest for Fire by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 02:09:07 PM
But they covered her in so much black makeup, you could barely tell what was under there.
Does this have Ron Perlman in it? by TheRealSeveren	Sep 16th, 2007 02:09:46 PM
Then Im not interested. When I checked out the trailer for this it really caught my eye and seemed like something I would enjoy but the more you hear that gerbil story with Richard Gere the more likely its not just a rumor... by the way, I respect all of you.
Apocalypto + 300 = Trash by doodler	Sep 16th, 2007 02:11:24 PM
His tribe gets attacked and enslaved? Tribal behavior? Hunting? can't blame Emmerich for aping successful movies. Apocalypto + 300, transported back to beyond all recorded history so no one can bitch too much....
One Million Years BC is a joke by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 02:11:36 PM
As a kid I loved One Million Years BC, because it had dinosaurs and I thought, wow that's how it really was back then. I was 5 at the time. When I see iut today it's laughable. it featured a giant sea turtle & tarantula for petesake, haha.
Mori - why is he "Due"? by doodler	Sep 16th, 2007 02:14:32 PM
"And he certainly seems due for a big slice of mainstream fun after his last few." What? The Day After Tomorrow, Godzilla, and the Patriot were indie pics? Or not fun? I thought Mel Gibson mulching a bunch of redcoats was great fun. Godzilla at least tried to be fun - and DAT was preachy, but exciting (if super-cheese).
300 wasn't trying to be historical accurate by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 02:15:16 PM
Based on a comic, which was stylized art. Apocalypto was an amazing film that felt accurate. I don't know why talkbackers hate it so much. I think you guys focus on Mel too much.
10,000 B.C. is just an excuse to do over the top CG by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 02:18:22 PM
When was the last time CG impressed you in a movie? The glory days of CG have been over for a long time, now it's time to make movies with actual substance. Now two hr CG fuck fest.
Go fuck a goat! by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 02:19:12 PM
I meant - Not a two hr CG fuck fest!
WAIT A MINUTE??? by Solrider77	Sep 16th, 2007 02:25:50 PM
So this isn't the follow up to 300 about the march of the 10,000 to the sea????????? Oh.......I see it's 10,000 B.C. So what happened here was Emmerich tried to get the rights to remake CLAN OF THE CAVE BEAR, started making the movie without permission, nearly got sued, then tried to remake ONE MILLION BC but couldn't convince Carmilla Belle to pose for a fur bikini calendar. By then Uber Emmerich deciedes he's finally gonna make that CHARIOTS OF THE GODS movie he keeps talking about. But he only has enough money to shoot an ending to the movie. So with three half baked movies and no more money he just picked a blow torch to arch wield them together. Sound about right???
he should've gotten Vanilla Ice for COOL AS ICE-AGE by Sir Loin	Sep 16th, 2007 02:30:57 PM
Awwww yeaaaah, Robert Van Winkle in da house, yo drop the zero and get with the hero and all that. By the way, were the icy conditions depicted the result of Republicans going back in time to destroy the planet's atmosphere 10,000 years ago? Wouldn't be surprised with Emmerich directing, complete with a Cheney-esque caveman enabler.
PULP! by CuervoJones	Sep 16th, 2007 02:31:09 PM
Gimme pulp anytime! Viva el sabertooth!
oh and CAVEMAN still rules by Sir Loin	Sep 16th, 2007 02:35:53 PM
The scene with the giant mosquito-type bug on Dennis Quaid's face is still funny. Plus Shelley Long was kinda cute back then. Zug-zug!
speaking of Apocalypto by Trik_Ster	Sep 16th, 2007 02:36:55 PM
what is gibsons next snuf flick gonna be?
With Shia LaBeouf as........ by Banditmania	Sep 16th, 2007 03:02:32 PM
.........Mam Motht Urd.
Fucking Awesome Review by The Ender Smites Foes	Sep 16th, 2007 03:03:29 PM
Really well done. This guy should be a regular here. You made me laugh out loud dude, which is something usually only Vern can do. Good shit!
Maybe Emmerich should recut this GRINDHOUSE-style. by Pound Sand	Sep 16th, 2007 03:24:50 PM
Add a bonus reel of blond-haired blue-eyed Evolet giving a lap dance to a horny T-Rex. Or maybe an Ankylosaurus..., Just not a raptor cause that'd be totally cliche.
You motherfuckers will respect the EMMERICH! by Knuckleduster	Sep 16th, 2007 03:30:11 PM
Or suffer the terrible consequences! HE gave us Universal Soldier. HE is the greatest director of all.
10.000BC... 33 1/3 times better than 300!! by dapaschad	Sep 16th, 2007 03:45:00 PM
Then again, maybe not.
The Mighty EMMERICH! will ejaculate on your graves! by Knuckleduster	Sep 16th, 2007 03:46:38 PM
And I will be there to bear witness, and to hand HIM a tissue and a fresh beer. German beer. None of your American piss.
I actually LIKE ID4. by TomBodet	Sep 16th, 2007 03:50:47 PM
Yes I do. I enjoy it exactly for what it is: Flying Saucers Attack. That's it, plain pure and simple. I say give Der Germann his due for that one, as brain-dead as it undeniably is in many places--it's still a whole lotta fun. Day After Tomoro-well it was okay but I basically forgot most of it 2 minutes after I left the cinema. The Patriot I kinda like but man it's Hokey. As for Iggy the Invincible there from '98-man that thing needed, among others-Guilala, Gappa, Giant Robot AND Manos. It was that bad. No really it was. Has anyone here ever seen the Lithuanian take-off of the Godfather-? Trust me-they worked in a pseudo-Bruce Lee angle into it. Yes. See and be amazed.
No chance of STD's back then? by godoffireinhell	Sep 16th, 2007 03:55:56 PM
Dude, it was STD hell back then. No HIV but plenty of other crap to make your pecker itch and squirt pus.
WAS EMMERICH THE GUY... by Ray Gamma	Sep 16th, 2007 03:56:59 PM
Was Emmerich the guy who wrote that scene in Independence Day where mankind (Will Smith) finally meets an extra-terrestrial lifeform ("Welcome to Earth PUNCH)? Because that scene really re-defined cinema.
Best caveman movie is Eegah! by Osmosis Jones	Sep 16th, 2007 03:58:20 PM
"Watch out for snakes!"
Pale-skinned saviour from ancient lore by Shaner Jedi	Sep 16th, 2007 04:02:47 PM
this seems to be adding the pale-skinned wise man figure that figures into many ancient american tribes.
Orionsangels by Shaner Jedi	Sep 16th, 2007 04:08:31 PM
you are absolutely right about 300. The first of the film tells us that what we're watching is a "story", a myth told from the perspective of a tale told around the campfire. Thus, events and figures will seem larger than life, including over-the-top evil bad guys that look like mutants. They would seem largely alien to the spartans.
Do The Characters Grunt or use english? by Redfive!	Sep 16th, 2007 04:20:42 PM
I pictured this flick wordless,like quest for fire,but then again our pal Roland is right up there with Paul WS Anderson,so im sure theres plenty of cheese on this taco.
Yeah, Camille Is Just Too Good Looking? by skoobyx	Sep 16th, 2007 04:23:47 PM
Her teeth could be used as a credit reference.
D'Leh a-luna Evolet.... by WONKABAR	Sep 16th, 2007 04:51:59 PM
D'Leh ZUG-ZUG Evolet!
I WISH CAMILLA BELLE WAS A HORSE by BringingSexyBack	Sep 16th, 2007 05:12:15 PM
so I can fuck it without consent!
Yep, white people are the saviors of humanity, bullshit by Doc_Strange	Sep 16th, 2007 05:25:10 PM
Caucasians, according to literature I've read, were originally from Africa. They had a gene deficiency which prevented them from being black, like the native Africans you see today. Since they were different in color, the ones who had this deficiency apparently united into their own tribe abd because of their obvious color difference they began to cause trouble such as murder, theft, etc. Leaders of the colored African tribes gathered, then set about capturing the whites. After doing so they banished the whites into the Caucus mountains, hence the word caucasian, also because the region is like a prison in that there are few ways out. Since the Caucus mountains are a cold, icy region, the whites lived in caves and they're physical features adapted to the cold weather (blonde hair), along with eye color (blue, green). It is said that they lost their humanity and walked on their hands and knees, likes the animals that were indigenous to the region. They thrived in the environment and had become such a big population that they were able to escape the region and had become a race of their own as seen today, never forgetting that they had been banished for being what they were and thus this is why racism is apparent in the world today. This is literature that is available on the net and is not necessarily an opinion.
Doc Strange - that, my friend, is Afro-centric fantasy by BringingSexyBack	Sep 16th, 2007 05:30:02 PM
I hope you're smart enough not to subscribe to that bullshit. WHITE POWER!!!
Cavemen : Lucio Fulci's Conquest by Jaws Wayne	Sep 16th, 2007 05:31:50 PM
I'm amazed nobody mentioned this movie, as it's probably the most historically accurate of all movies that features cavemen. Check it out for proof.
The "literature" you read is retarded Doc by WONKABAR	Sep 16th, 2007 05:37:28 PM
I'm sure we could dig up other racist opinions about blacks from all around the net just as easily. I figure you're just trolling, but imagine if someone started posting similar bullshit about any other race. Even you're just fucking around it's a bit over the line. BSB...not a good response dude.
Some Africans mated with the Caucasians by BringingSexyBack	Sep 16th, 2007 05:40:43 PM
and that's how you get Shia LeBeef.
Doc Strange by Ray Gamma	Sep 16th, 2007 05:42:50 PM
My God this wins moronic post of the year. Remember kids, the internet only provides Shiterature, not literature.
IS THERE ANY WOOLY MAMMOTH FUCKING? by BringingSexyBack	Sep 16th, 2007 05:48:34 PM
Otherwise you won't get the horsefucking audience, which means losing big bucks. Get it? Big 'bucks'? hehe
WHITE PERSON AS THE SAVIOR by BringingSexyBack	Sep 16th, 2007 05:50:25 PM
If we don't do the saving, who will?
UPDATE by SexyWhisk	Sep 16th, 2007 05:52:19 PM
To answer some of your Q's- No they don't speak ebonics, they all speak english, except the Terrorists - who speak in jibberish echoed in some Stargate sort of way / it's clearly gunning for a PG-13 rating - as there is no blood / There are no Dinosaurs / and many of you are right - there's enough action here to make a bad-ass looking trailer, so it will clearly have a fine opening weekend...
PLANT by choptop	Sep 16th, 2007 05:55:01 PM
Fuck this noise, its obviously a studio plant.
DOC STRANGE by choptop	Sep 16th, 2007 05:56:44 PM
We all know we all started out as chinks.
caveman movies can be great by johnnysunshine	Sep 16th, 2007 06:09:33 PM
Quest for Fire was awesome!
Doo-doo!...Ca-ca.... by WONKABAR	Sep 16th, 2007 06:35:41 PM
Shit. You might be on to something there chop-top
Black people are the original man by Orionsangels	Sep 16th, 2007 06:37:03 PM
I bet caveman weren't even white. They had dark skin. We came from monkeys. makes sense. whoa i just sounded like a racist. camilla belle lol
Quest For Fire, rocks! by Lornsorrow	Sep 16th, 2007 06:57:05 PM
And I think this review sucked. IT made a big racists deal out of nothing (holy crap she's white! WHITE! DID YOU HEAR ME!) Big fuckin deal. (They did this stupid thing, then that) yeah, well their fuckin cavemen, what the fuck did you expect, rocket scientists? Give me a break. The reviews here better get more unbiased and more rational better than this.
i never went to school, so i never learned to read by SPACEHUNTER3-D	Sep 16th, 2007 07:12:01 PM
or write 2 good. and i stayed in jail, and i stayed stupid, and i stayed a child while i watched ur world grow up. and then i look at what u do, and i dont understand it. u eat meat, and u kill things that r better than u r. and then u say how bad ur children r. u taught ‘em, I didn’t teach ‘em. i just tried 2 help ‘em stand up. im a reflection of u. im what you made me. ive ate out of your garbage cans . ive worn your secondhand clothes. sometimes i wanna give it all back 2 ya. thats what you deserve, thats what u deserve!! is it a conspiracy that the music is telling the youth 2 rise up against the establishment because the establishment is rapidly destroying things? is that a conspiracy? music speaks 2 u every day, but u’r 2 deaf, dum, and blind 2 listen. its not my conspiracy, it’s not my music. i didn’t write the music!!!!
hmmm by slkboxrman	Sep 16th, 2007 07:15:09 PM
just countering several comments, i loved stargate, id4, the day after tommorow, and godzilla. what was really wrong with them ? besides matthew broderick in the lead in godzilla?
Orionsangels by smackfu	Sep 16th, 2007 07:21:59 PM
Have you considered the full ramifications of suggesting that white people evolved from black people?
Why? by jsm1978	Sep 16th, 2007 07:25:44 PM
Why is the idea of a racist caveman movie such a shock? Evolutionary thought leads to racism. If we all evolved, who evolved the most?
Any horse fucking in this movie? by Cruel_Kingdom	Sep 16th, 2007 07:43:58 PM
I just can't watch a 10,000 BC movie without some good old horse fucking!
Roland Emmerich made a bad movie? by TheNorthlander	Sep 16th, 2007 07:59:15 PM
Really? So what else is new?
"It doesn't say anything, by dirtsandwich	Sep 16th, 2007 08:01:50 PM
it's just a doll."
D'oh (spoiler) by Trik_Ster	Sep 16th, 2007 08:04:42 PM
Typhoid Croyd Only those who have read the WildCards books will get the reference.
oops by Trik_Ster	Sep 16th, 2007 08:06:47 PM
wrong tb (heh)
Was the script written by David Duke? by kafka07	Sep 16th, 2007 08:31:32 PM
racist cavemen, ha ha
"By the way Doctor... How do you spell 'amphetamine'?" by TheButcher	Sep 16th, 2007 08:55:04 PM
Trik_Ster are you talking about Croyd Crenson?
Choptop - Recent studies have shown it may not be chink by BringingSexyBack	Sep 16th, 2007 08:57:29 PM
s, but gooks, that we evolved from. There's yet another school of thought that believes that it was the dinks. I believe more research is needed before we settle on any one conclusion.
JESUS WAS A BLACK JAP by BringingSexyBack	Sep 16th, 2007 08:59:56 PM
He had dark skin, but a small penis.
Jesus was part Gentile by BringingSexyBack	Sep 16th, 2007 09:02:33 PM
You can see he has a WASPy nose in all the pictures.
DO THEY FUCK SABRE TOOTH TIGERS? by BringingSexyBack	Sep 16th, 2007 09:03:34 PM
Big pussy, big fun.
TheButcher by Trik_Ster	Sep 16th, 2007 09:06:12 PM
yep but I meant to post in the 4400 TB Had to many windows open :p
The Big Fucking Twist by HarrysTitCheese	Sep 16th, 2007 09:32:10 PM
It's the FUTURE not the past, right? That's why there's multiple races in the tribe. Roland, you crafty cocksucker.
You Blew it Up!!! by doodler	Sep 16th, 2007 10:30:15 PM
Damn you!! Damn you all to helll!!!! oh, and Mammoth Meat is people. PEOPLE!! Nice theory, HT Cheese.....
People! Behave yourselves! by Bronx Cheer	Sep 16th, 2007 11:16:16 PM
For shame!
Sleestaks or nothing by Doctor_Sin	Sep 16th, 2007 11:36:36 PM
fuck it
When do the mile-long spacships blow up the caves? by MrMysteryGuest	Sep 16th, 2007 11:47:22 PM
And when does Will Smith fight Godzilla and climate changes?
Will we see primordial Cthulhu-worship? by Doctor_Sin	Sep 17th, 2007 01:50:40 AM
And eldritch, oozing slime?
Michael Bay and Emmerich by D o o d	Sep 17th, 2007 03:21:31 AM
Should have sex, I wreckon Emmerich would be the bitch and give birth to Uwe Boll. Then I would like to see MTV film them 24/7 in their home.
XIPHOS by Solrider77	Sep 17th, 2007 03:29:54 AM
Yeah I want to see a movie based on ANABASIS too. Preferabley directed by either Michael Mann, Ridley Scott, or Edward Zwick.
What the hell are you talking about Doc Strange....? by LORDRANDO	Sep 17th, 2007 10:10:56 AM
What fine historian was around to take a census of race in pre-history? Who cares? Is there documentary footage? Are you thinking of the Flintstones?
I can't believe there's a 10,000 yrs thread by Lost Jarv	Sep 17th, 2007 10:59:58 AM
and no-one has mentioned the greatest caveman (well cavewoman) film of all time: Troma's "Nymphoid Barabarian in Dinosaur Hell". Comes complete with lines like "Sometimes my juices flow". Genius. This will, however, obviously be shit.
Doc Strange's story by Shaner Jedi	Sep 17th, 2007 12:04:00 PM
sounds similar to the Nation of Islam's old story about the origins of man.
Mori' childhood memories by ewokstew	Sep 17th, 2007 12:15:30 PM
wait...those movies came out like 13-15 years ago and he was a child, then? How young is he?
That "whites had deficient genes" nonsense was used by by Stalin vs Predator	Sep 17th, 2007 01:04:47 PM
..the Nation of Islam "preachers" who bred the Zebra serial killers, wasn't it? Or was it the Yahweh-ben-Yahweh sect? Either way, a famed "religious" group of murderous maniacs subscribed to that idiocy and taught it to its serial killer recruits. In fact, most likely both the Zebras and the Yahwehs used it...
I once rented THE PATRIOT on dvd by Kurzinski Valentine	Sep 17th, 2007 04:33:37 PM
simply because it was a 'Guaranteed Rental' at Blockbuster, and all the copies were out so I got it for free! Then I never ended up watching it and returned it 2 weeks late, having to pay like a 10$ late charge. So I essentially paid Rolan Emmerich to have me not watch his film.
Have you seen Camilla Belle's pics on IMDB? by Kurzinski Valentine	Sep 17th, 2007 04:34:30 PM
The old ones where she's like 13 or 14 or something. SHE LOOKED LIKE A MAN. Thank gawd for plastic surgery.
CAMILLA BELLE'S FOREHEAD by Trik_Ster	Sep 17th, 2007 06:06:54 PM
4 copter landing pad
Kurzinski by TheNorthlander	Sep 17th, 2007 11:56:26 PM
You were better off paying ten bucks than watching that movie.

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Our Spy Travels Back To 10,000 B.C. With Roland Emmerich!

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