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An Early Review Of Stifler In GARY THE TENNIS COACH!

Cool by richier123	Aug 18th, 2007 07:01:53 PM
I always liked the FIRST SWS movie...
Deck the Halls, Bite my Big Balls!! by BetaRayBill07	Aug 18th, 2007 07:07:47 PM
Typecast anyone?
This doesn't sound like a real person wrote it ... by ye olde shiza	Aug 18th, 2007 07:12:37 PM
Maybe an android. Who uses terms like "it KILLS!" anyway?
4th!!!!! YESSSSSSS by karamsoul	Aug 18th, 2007 07:13:12 PM
I'm so happy.
I concur with YE OLDE SHIZA by slone13	Aug 18th, 2007 07:17:20 PM
This read like a press release.
oh good lord by cloudhidden1	Aug 18th, 2007 07:20:18 PM
Just beat off to your pic of Sean William Scott and get it over with. Jesus H. Christ, you either have to be a plant or want Stifler's dick down your throat.
IcePLANT? by DeCypher44	Aug 18th, 2007 07:23:10 PM
Wow. I have never claimed PLANT before, but this has lackey written all over it.
you had me at "dude where's my car?" by BadMrWonka	Aug 18th, 2007 07:24:35 PM
meaning, you had me convinced not to see this shitstorm...
Upbeat. by Series7	Aug 18th, 2007 07:31:52 PM
I've never heard such an "upbeat" review for an off-color and offensive comedy? It sounds like some kid trying to make a lame story seem a lot cooler then it really was. "When Gary threatens the school’s star QB with tales of a red-hot shiv being shoved down his cock, I fell to the floor laughing as the whole crowd cheered their heads off." Seriously how is this any different from Stifler telling Jim to man up? Oh Seann William Scott you looked liked you could choose good movies back when you did the Rundown.
When you say "our" spy, Moriarty ... by ye olde shiza	Aug 18th, 2007 08:00:23 PM
Do you mean this guy is trusted, or just some doof that sent in a review? 'Cause he sounds 103% fake to me.
just got off the phone with my gardner and .... by the_man_from_Rio	Aug 18th, 2007 08:35:46 PM
he says this type of weed needs TOTAL FUCKIN DESTRUCTION...some people are so(gunshot)clueless, c'mon, the guy wrote "directed the brilliant HAROLD AND KUMAR..." seriously man. go sit in corner. well, this actually sounds a bit funny, not that i'd ever pay to see this in a theater, but i think seann william scott has charisma, something missing in a lot of young actors nowadays...
Here's The Thing... by TheRealMoriarty	Aug 18th, 2007 08:48:18 PM
... it reads reeeeeeally leafy to me, too, but then again, some of you actually thought HAROLD & KUMAR was funny. I thought it was garbage, but I remember how angry people got at me for saying so, and so maybe... just maybe... some guy who isn't named "Danny Lanier" actually thinks GARY THE TENNIS COACH is just this funny. You be the judge.
Jesus H. Plant by Charlie Murphy	Aug 18th, 2007 09:03:49 PM
fuck was that pumped out by a fucking robot? "coming to a theatre near you and you'll thank me for giving you the heads up". WTF? "100% of what Gary says is off-color and offensive, but Scott plays him with so much heart that he completely won me over." these guys aren't even fucking trying anymore. cocksuckers...
I guess anything can happen ... by ye olde shiza	Aug 18th, 2007 10:11:59 PM
Seann William Scott does make me laugh, but I think he either makes horrible choices or only gets horrible films thrown his way. It'd be fun to see him take a risk now and then, go do some smaller films, see what happens.
Speaking of Karold and Humar being garbage... by ye olde shiza	Aug 18th, 2007 10:17:49 PM
Can Kal Penn really act? Has anyone seen The Namesake? I had wanted to, and it seems that some people who reviewed Van Wilder 2: Rise of Taj actually gave the dude a rimjob for his performance. Of course, when you act in nothing but shit like Epic Movie and Rise of Taj, even Stephen Hawking could out-act everyone in the movie And who else thought that Kal Penn eating Crispin Glover's shit in "Epic Movie" was a metaphor for the entire film?
PPPPLLLLLAAAANNNNTTTTT by Leafy McPlantsalot	Aug 18th, 2007 10:27:02 PM
trust me, we can smell our own
wow by OptimusCrime	Aug 19th, 2007 12:11:34 AM
wow. the studio needs to fire this horticulturalist. wow.
Oops by JonJonB	Aug 19th, 2007 01:21:26 AM
I think this reviewer hit the "Sarcasm Lock" key before he started typing this one up. Can't believe you guys think a plant would make it this obvious.
um, yeah, plant by TenderBranson47	Aug 19th, 2007 01:31:55 AM
i read this script like three months ago and its fuckin awful. after about 5 minutes, gary cursing at little kids gets old. its not even creative, just him saying "fuck yeah". none of it makes any sense. gary is some amazing tennis player and coach, yet he lives in a Winnebago and works as a janitor? the donkey scene this dude refers to isnt funny at all - * SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER * basically theyre in TJ at a donkey sex show and gary gets on stage and the donkey fucks him. i dont know, maybe Sean makes a funny face and it works but on the page it dies. "and then he fucks a donkey" is a running joke between me and my friends for lazy writing thats supposed to be shocking but in fact is just dumb. the whole thing its seriously awful.
This is another one of those people I can't fucking by GQtaste	Aug 19th, 2007 01:58:34 AM
I can't fucking believe gets work! I wouldn't go see a movie w/ this douchebag if you paid me. I'd rather see a romantic comedy. A tear jerker. A docomentry, but not this tool.
red-hot shiv being shoved down his cock? by maluquiro	Aug 19th, 2007 02:29:01 AM
what does that mean? wouldn't it go up his cock? or did it enter through the throat, down his stomach and then down his cock?
or... by maluquiro	Aug 19th, 2007 02:40:28 AM
was that post an excuse to write the word... y'know... cock.
I cannot believe leiner got to direct a Sopranos episod by DirkD13"	Aug 19th, 2007 07:03:15 AM
What was Chase thinking? Mind you, it was one of the all-time worse Sopranos episodes (Luxury Lounge for those who want to know), except for Lauren Bacall getting knocked out and robbed.
I think this is definitely fake.... by BillBrasky2620	Aug 19th, 2007 09:44:18 AM
The reviewer tries too hard to convince us he's a normal guy. "I live in LA and I often see those guys and gals holding clipboards and offering free tickets to movies that haven’t been released yet"...yes, we know what screenings are. We do visit this site after all. "It stars Stifler, er, Seann William Scott"...ok, if you have the ability to write this well about a movie and recall the plot almost verbatim, you should also be able to remember Seann William Scott's name. Besides, people that say stuff like "It’s by Danny Leiner, the guy who directed DUDE WHERE’S MY CAR and the brilliant HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITECASTLE" are not the same kind of people that would refer to Scott as "Stifler". Either you're an average dumbass who doesn't know anything about movies, or you're well-informed. Pick which one you're going to be. That's what's irritating about this review. You can tell it's obviously an intelligent person trying to write like the kind of stupid person that this movie is aimed at. There's a built-in level of condescension here, like "Well, the audience for this movie is the 20-year-old morons who visit this site, so I better try to write down to their level." If this was a real person writing a review, they'd try to balance out everything positive they said with some comments on how the movie could be improved, or at least mention a few things that didn't work as well. And he wouldn't write like a 40-year old studio executive: "it KILLS!" "That’s what sold me on this movie". "Great stuff, top to bottom" Sorry, you really should have tried harder, and trying to stick in gratuitous profanity doesn't take away from the fact that you can obviously write well and you do this for a living.
BillBrasky2620 by ye olde shiza	Aug 19th, 2007 12:09:21 PM
Thank you for analyzing the post. I think it's nead that someone's use of language is just like seeing someone's facial expressions ... the non-trained eye will pick up a subtle nuance or a tick and think for a moment, "Man, something's not right about what this guy's saying" and then the CIA or FBI will feed your ass through a series of programs and watch you for about 30 dead-giveaways. This review is full of crap ... top to bottom. I think it should be sent back to the studio with a copy of your post, BB2620, like the head of a enemy soldier ... "Try harder next time."
I'll check it out... by Forsakyn	Aug 19th, 2007 01:30:29 PM
Dude Where's My Car was obviously pretty dumb, but it had a couple moments. I like Harold and Kumar. So the likelihood for me enjoying Gary the Tennis Coach is reasonable.
one more thing by OptimusCrime	Aug 19th, 2007 02:16:47 PM
If the studio wants this site to post positive reviews of movies then they should just have the director call Harry and talk for ten minutes. Anyone remember the numerous raves for Hostel 2? Yeah.
oh for fuck's sake by Cedar_Room	Aug 19th, 2007 02:32:20 PM
Moriarty surely you get plant emails all the time and you filter through them so that we don't have to endure their coporate bullshit? How the fuck did this slip through the net?? "Randy Quaid, in a brilliantly kickass, crudely irreverent incarnation of the twisted characters he plays so well" OH FUCK OFF. PLANT CUNT.
stiffler's mom by theshape78	Aug 19th, 2007 03:58:01 PM
it's a shame that he did such a good job in American Pie that he needs to roll his character over into each film. I think they should just cash in and make a film entitled Stiffler. I saw a lot of Ka-ching!
Seann William Scott by OtisSpofford	Aug 19th, 2007 04:02:25 PM
Remember Evolution? How many careers were killed in the debacle? Oh, and PLANT!
American Pie by OtisSpofford	Aug 19th, 2007 04:04:45 PM
Instead of following the logical progression of Jim becoming a father, they opt for the adventures of Stifler's little brother... Much like Hostess Fruit Pies, which used to be tasty and full of filling and are now just sugary cardboard filled with air and broken promises. Bastards.
Were people drifting in the parking lot afterwards? by CreasyBear	Aug 19th, 2007 05:03:32 PM
Hellooooo, Oscars!
Plant? Or superior sarcastic writing? by SpencerTrilby	Aug 19th, 2007 05:51:29 PM
One thing's for sure: won't see it. And I dig Seann William Scott: he was the only good thing in American Pie (the first one: I didn't bother the other ones) and showed some "depth" in Stark Raving Mad. I hope he'll show some gusto in Southland Tales.
Andy Roddick & Seann William Scott... by Hoots Mon	Aug 20th, 2007 07:52:19 AM
...separated at birth?
I love me some Stiffler by liljuniorbrown	Aug 20th, 2007 10:58:03 AM
The first time I saw AP it was like someone had follwed my friends around high school with a pad and pen taking notes. I guess everyone felt that way and had a connection to those guys and thats how it worked so well. I loved SWS in Road Trip and his small role in Old School begs for a returning larger role in that films sequel. Call me a stick in the mud but any movie involving people fucking animals or vice versa is just not worth watching to me. I could never understand anyone wanting to see someone abuse an animal in that way.
real-life advice from stifffler by vealchop	Aug 20th, 2007 12:49:45 PM
you can still have sex by “pumping her from behind and pretending she’s some dude”.

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An Early Review Of Stifler In GARY THE TENNIS COACH!

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