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Capone wants to preach to ya' about THE TEN!!!

foist? by degikrinbakedirfuvkeit	Aug 3rd, 2007 12:45:25 AM
ssdfsadfsdfsdfsdfsdf
Big "somewhat" by LoneGun	Aug 3rd, 2007 12:45:28 AM
The makers of this one may have "somewhat" taken their cue from "The Decalogue", but THE TEN sounds totally crazy, possibly in a good everything-you-ever-wanted-to- know-about-sex-but-were-afraid -to-ask kind of way. Loved "The Decalogue", by the way, one of the greatest television dramas ever.
Might be better than Wet Hot by thatguy542	Aug 3rd, 2007 12:46:46 AM
Saw this back in April, the whole theater was laughing non-stop. It's really amazing, just wish Showalter and Ian Black had bigger parts.
sorry I had to do that..... by degikrinbakedirfuvkeit	Aug 3rd, 2007 12:47:16 AM
Anyway, looking forward to this movie. Met David Wain and Michael Ian Black last year, nice guys. Too bad Showalter was nowhere to be found. "So guys, how was the ass fucking?" "It really hurt, she tore me right in half"
I hope H Jon Benjamin by blackstormy	Aug 3rd, 2007 01:13:48 AM
does as good a job with the rhino part as he did with the can of corn in Wet Hot.
Saw this at Sundance. Can't wait to see again. by Bungion Boy	Aug 3rd, 2007 01:49:21 AM
While this wasn't as good as Wet Hot, like that film I think it has the power to get better with repeat viewings. Some of the segments that I didn't think were that hilarious when I saw it (I did it as a goof) I now often think about fondly and that that it was a lot funnier than I thought. Then, of course, there are the scenes that are just hilarious already. I can't wait to watch Liev Schreiber buy catscan machines again. Comedy gold.
Gretchen Moll is one fine piece of ass! by GQtaste	Aug 3rd, 2007 02:21:08 AM
I love that she's getting another chance to see what's she's made of. I know it was another case of: too much too soon but she's the real deal to me.
Looking forward... by Veni Vidi Vici	Aug 3rd, 2007 02:29:59 AM
to seeing this. i love Wet Hot, and all the shit this guys star in, and this looks like it will be another hit.
mystery interview by MC-909	Aug 3rd, 2007 03:04:32 AM
"the three most important people creatively, which is saying a lot considering the talent on display here" Stella? Fuck yeah!
Is this the sequel to The NInes? by The Dum Guy	Aug 3rd, 2007 03:35:55 AM
I didn't bother reading the article.
AN ALTERNATE TAKE ON THE TEN by The Real MiraJeff	Aug 3rd, 2007 04:36:14 AM
I think my review slipped through the cracks at AICN headquarters, what with Harry on the Rolling Roadshow/honeymoon, Mori away doing some cool secret mission, and Quint taking a much-deserved breather after kicking ass at Comic-Con, so here it is in its entirety. Consider it a counterpoint to Capone's very well-written, very generous review. Greetings AICN, MiraJeff here with a look at The Ten, the sophomore effort from director David Wain, co-written by Wain and Diggers scribe Ken Marino. The Ten is basically a bunch of loosely connected sketches that illustrate The Ten Commandments. The question you're all asking, or would be if this was actually a dialogue, is "How does it stack up against Wet Hot American Summer?" And the answer you're all waiting for, but only for a few words longer, is "not well." Though laugh-out-loud funny at times, The Ten is fairly inconsistent in the laughs department, and for something as broad as this, that's a pretty serious indictment. Let me give everyone some background. I was too young to truly appreciate The State for all its comic brilliance but what I have seen I still quote to this day (I'm outta heeeeerreee!!) and I did attend a Jewish summer camp for 12 years as both a camper and a counselor, so the first time I saw Wet Hot American Summer, it was like someone made a movie of my childhood summers, only there were girls and heroin. I hold Wet Hot very dear to my heart, the same way middle-aged Texans can look back at Dazed and Confused and see their high school years on the big screen. As for "The Baxter," I loved it enough to put it on my Top Ten list of 2005. It's a sweet, big-hearted and often hilarious throwback to the screwball comedies of the 40s and 50s and it's disheartening to see how truly underappreciated it was. But somewhere along the way, Wain and Co. lost me. I never "got" Stella. Every sketch seemed to end with Wain jerking off an oversized dildo. I can understand how it developed a cult following, but it did nothing for me personally. And "Diggers" was a mixed bag for me, but then again, that wasn't really a comedy, more of a drama. Overall, the Wain gang is batting just over .500 for me, so I gave 'em the benefit of the doubt. Paul Rudd stars as our narrator, Jeff Reigert. Jeff is going through a difficult time with his girlfriend, Famke Janssen, and he vents his frustrations directly to us, his captive audience, before illustrating his views on relationships and God's masterplan through ten vignettes, designed to enrich our way of thinking about life and its mysterious meanings. First story follows Adam Brody as he jumps out of a plane without his parachute, only to survive and find himself literally stuck in the ground. If anyone tries to move him he'll die. Winona Ryder plays his girlfriend while Ken Marino plays the doctor. Brody becomes a sensation, gracing the cover of every national magazine. Entertainment Tonight does a piece on him. Thanks to his new agent, played by Ron Silver, he becomes the star of his own sitcom, Goin' Nowhere, and develops the bad cocaine problem that inevitably follows anyone's rise to stardom. This was pretty much a one-joke segment and a fitting introduction to the film's particular brand of comedic stylings. Later on, Ryder reprises the character, only now it's her wedding night and she's getting married to Marino, but she falls in love with a ventriloquist's dummy. The premise is promising and worthy of a chuckle or two, but watching her pretend to be in love with a puppet for ten minutes gave me a hard-on for the exit. A subtitled segment starring Gretchen Mol as a virgin who gets deflowered by a Mexican Jesus manages to finnagle a couple of laughs thanks to the genius casting of Justin Theroux as the Son of God. Marino's "Just a Goof" vignette is funny despite admittedly relying on one joke for laughs. The shenanigans continue when Marino's doctor character is sent to prison where Rob Corddry develops the hots for him. It's funny in spurts (if you get a kick out of homosexual rape), but it's not enough to sustain an entire vignette. At least its smug Michael Ian Black cameo (as if there is any other kind) brought a smile to my face. Later on, there's another one-joke scene that reunites Rudd with his now ex-girlfriend Janssen. There's still some chemistry between them but now Rudd's unavailable because he's married to the actress Dianne Wiest, who sadly, does not appear. The complete randomness of Wiest is what makes the scene tolerable and briefly hilarious, but the joke ultimately dies because it has nowhere to go. One segment could be called Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's CAT Scan machines, as Liev Schreiber (who knew he could do comedy?) and Joe Lo Truglio compete with each other to see who can own the most CAT Scan machines. I mean, that's a sketch. That's not a movie, or even worthy of belonging in a movie. But as it happens, it's one of the better segments in the film. Another completely out-there segment stars Kathi Kenney-Silver of Reno 911! as a mother of two African-American sons who explains their race by admitting that Arnold Schwarzenegger is their father. So she hires an actor (a game Oliver Platt) to pose as Ahnuld and bond with her boys. The funniest moment involves the three of them playing in a pile of leaves and then racing each other inside the house. In proper cinematic fashion, The Ten saves the best for last. An animated segment about a lying Rhino wins points for how outrageously different it is, and lastly, an inspired final segment stars A.D. Miles as a guy who ditches Church to hang out with his buddies... naked. They listen to the Flecktones and barbecue in the nude. Besides a few conspicuously bare asses, there isn't any full frontal male nudity, much to my relief. That final segment segues into a musical number featuring the entire cast of characters. Wain, Showalter and the Night at the Museum guys (so true it hurts), Tom Lennon and Ben Garant, also appear briefly in the film, which lists no less than 21 producers (how? why?) on IMDB. Also, I was extremely saddened to learn that Elizabeth Banks did not make an appearance. She's always great. Maybe she was busy filming something else, but Wain seems to try and make up for her absence with the casting of Jessica Alba, whose screentime amounts to little more than a cameo. Granted, she looks smokin' hot, but what else can you say about her at this point, seriously? She clearly couldn't act her way out of a paper bag. I mean, I don't think ScoJo is a great actress either but at least she's capable of a Match Point or a Girl With the Pearl Earring. (You can save that Lost in Translation bull for another critic). Alba, on the other hand, has done absolutely nothing to make me think she's the least bit talented. It says a lot about her filmography that her best performance was probably in Into the Blue, and her upcoming projects such as Awake (with Hayden Christensen) and the remake of The Eye (which I did a set visit for that was so unremarkable I decided not to even write about it) don't inspire much confidence either, although I do think she has a hit on her hands with Good Luck Chuck, which I'm hoping will show off her prowess for physical comedy the same way There's Something About Mary made a case for Cameron Diaz. Still, I'm just not convinced that Alba will be around in 10-15 years time. The great ones make it their business to stick around. Man it kills me to pile on Marino twice in a row considering the respect I have for his work, and what a fan I am of his previous collaborations with Wain, but The Ten is just not very good. And as a movie movie, it's actually not very good at all. (Come to think of it, Scott Weinberg's review at Cinematical says more or less the same thing.) I could see it hitting its stride on DVD, as a late-night stoner movie or even a Comedy Central staple, but as a theatrical experience it leaves a lot to be desired. The point is, a laugh here and a laugh there does not make for a good comedy. I wanted a story, something to tie these characters and the lessons they learn together, and though Rudd's narrator character seems to serve that purpose, its execution ultimately fails. The film switches between deadpan and utter ridiculousity (new word, add it to your cocktionaries), and if that's your bag, then by all means, check it out, but if I had to rank The Ten on a scale of one to ten, it'd land somewhere around 5.
thanks Mirajeff, for the review by BadMrWonka	Aug 3rd, 2007 04:49:16 AM
now repeat after me: I will type it's a whole new world, brother!
oops by BadMrWonka	Aug 3rd, 2007 04:50:25 AM
AICN hates html so much, that legitimate paragraph breaks EAT the decriptions... anyway < p > , but without the space, was my meaning... dammit...
Janeane Garofalo=Box Office Turd by TheBloop	Aug 3rd, 2007 05:32:09 AM
I heard a film maker in Europe tried to the same type of film about the commandments in the Koran, but he got stabbed to death like a stuck pig. Uh Oh. These are guys are smart to kick around the Catholics, they won't start rioting or shoot some one in the back over this.
They lost MiraJeff's review on purpose by Spandau Belly	Aug 3rd, 2007 07:01:32 AM
But keep telling yourself it slipped through the cracks, maybe your writing talent did, too.
I'm Doug. Solomente Doug. by Garbageman33	Aug 3rd, 2007 08:16:14 AM
Don't be so hard on Mirajeff. The Doug stuff is funny, maybe not as funny as the kid's birthday party. "Did you get her number?" "She didn't know it". But funny nonetheless.
Hey, TheBloop by BizarroJerry	Aug 3rd, 2007 08:18:53 AM
If it's about the Ten Commandments, it wouldn't be kicking around Catholics only. It'd be all Christians and Jews.
What did they do for the 10th commandment? by bingo the clown	Aug 3rd, 2007 08:46:40 AM
"Thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother's milk." (Exodus 34)
Was it Carlin who worked out we really only needed 2? by Cameron1	Aug 3rd, 2007 08:53:51 AM
10's a nice round number, good for marketing purposes. Sounds impressive when put before "commandments".
BizarroJerry, good point by TheBloop	Aug 3rd, 2007 09:06:25 AM
Those silly Judo-Christians and all those rules like be kind to your neighbor, and don't cheat on your wife, what the hell are they thinking?
bingo by Bloo	Aug 3rd, 2007 09:38:00 AM
the seete a kid in it's mother's milk is not a commandement it's part of the Kosher requirments thus the reason those that eat Kosher don't eat cheese with their meat but I've always wondered does that apply to chicken sandwhiches as well?
MiraJeff - hear from Uwe Boll lately? by theBigE	Aug 3rd, 2007 10:22:36 AM
Did you know he's over at EW.com, bragging about kicking your and your fellow critics' butts? Sorry Capone, I liked MiraJeff's review better.
State.. by micturatingbenjamin	Aug 3rd, 2007 11:08:55 AM
"Please Kill Tiiiimmm" The family wishing death on the kid... "But what they don't know is...Me and God? We're like THIS!" And he and God ride off on a motorcycle. Also...'Hey! I'ma Tha Pope-A'....Or the Noh Theater Version of The State....And, the scene with the 'dip my balls in it guy' and Tom Lennon's Jesus is like: "Jesus? Oh yeah, he's over that way, yelling about his balls or something."
That was Carlin by conniebrean1	Aug 3rd, 2007 11:55:34 AM
with the 2 commandments. Something about not killing people unless they believe in a different invisible man than you do. Quality bit.
I remember the last time I nailed a dummy. by TheHolyDeuce	Aug 3rd, 2007 02:35:07 PM
She never called me back. Then again, she never asked for taxi money either. Score!
Gretchen Mol is just wicked hot by pearlfan70	Aug 3rd, 2007 02:55:58 PM
I can't wait to see this primarily because of Gretchen..easily the best built chick in hollywood, and no plastic surgery there..she's not the best actress, but that bod is always worth the price of admission. And if Jesus is nailin' her in the movie, well, he would know..
MiraJeff- by MsGrim	Aug 3rd, 2007 04:48:34 PM
Thanks for the alternate viewpoint, but the next time could you avoid telling us (in detail) about most of the jokes in the movie? I mean, as a fan of these guys I am going to see it either way and if it is really as mediocre as you say it is I would appreciate if there were still a few surprises for me to chuckle at...
that's what makes it rape, isn't it... by johnnysunshine	Aug 3rd, 2007 04:57:30 PM
the rob corddry sketch is classic in this. actually, pretty much all the sketches are hilarious. Winona Rider and the dummy stands out especially.
SORRY, but i cringed by The Real MiraJeff	Aug 3rd, 2007 05:00:36 PM
I should've put a spoiler warning in there, and normally I wouldn't apologize for a large chunk of text, but if it's as easy as doing that P thingie then I'll try my best to do it next time. And Ginrei, I'm sorry if I didn't quote YOUR favorite line from The State but that's what I remember, and I was also about 12 and didn't know I should be taking notes back then in the event I might be a film critic later in life. The point is, this movie will make you laugh a few times, but it can't even be mentioned in the same breath as WET HOT OR BAXTER and overall, is not worth your money, especially during a summer as crowded as this one. I've still gotta get my ass to The Simpsons Movie. I've been wasting precious time on shit like this and The Nines.
but i cringed by The Real MiraJeff	Aug 3rd, 2007 07:14:57 PM
i didn't type that, i think i might have on an old post and my comp. automatically added it to the title of my last post, which should've just been SORRY. there was no cringing done today.
For better laughs... by TheBloop	Aug 3rd, 2007 07:49:38 PM
Check out the "jihad: the musical" clips on Youtube....now that is funny stuff. I am sure some uptight Berkley tards will whine about, lord knows we can't be making fun of people who blow subways and airplanes.
MiraJeff by Magnum Opus	Aug 4th, 2007 09:39:17 AM
Reminds me of Medium Head Boy.
Ohhhhh Meeeediuuum Head BOOOY by Brians Life	Aug 4th, 2007 12:43:44 PM
I loved the State (and MiraJeff I was 12 when they aired as well and I can quote several episodes verbatim...if you like something you remember it)...thought Stella was wonderfully crafted obsurdity and laughed my ass off at the silly realness of WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER...these guys have yet to do wrong in my eyes. MiraJeff, don't chime in unless asked next time.
micturatingbenjamin... by Frietag	Aug 4th, 2007 03:22:41 PM
...I thought I didn't remember The State at all (not that I watched any of their stuff), but your mention of the "Kill Tim" sketch brought it back. That was effing hilarious. "What those guys don't know ... is me and God? ... WE'RE LIKE THIS!"

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