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Vern vs. TRANSFORMERS - One shall stand and one shall fall...

Fourth! by TheBlackKnight	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:27:09 PM
Now to read the article.
third bitches by Mr_X	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:28:51 PM
you know it
and i take the bronze aa well by Mr_X	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:29:23 PM
yeah autobots unite!
so vern.. really tell us how you feel by Mr_X	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:35:09 PM
you didnt like it, meh its not going to be to everyones taste. but im glad to see its had some positive reviews on the site. so to all the haters..you have your review and justification for not seeing it. then again.. i'm still gonna watch it.. when it eventually comes to the uk. thanks vern for keepin; it real son
transformers by lordnigzor	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:35:36 PM
best review ever.THANK YOU!
ur a piece of shit by kelsodenn	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:38:08 PM
nuff said. this movie rocks.
people still have GEOCITY sites? by Dannychico	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:41:32 PM
now THAT is news.
And hostel was great wtf by dacoach	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:42:23 PM
Sometimes I wonder about you idiot reviewers on here (including Harry). This movie was a great summer movie. Quit yer bitching and wipe the sand out of your vaginas.
Wow... by MrFire	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:43:26 PM
4307 words of insulting your readers. Good show.
I was just saying to my self... by TELF	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:46:46 PM
"If Harry's houseguest gets to review this fucking thing then can't we at least have Vern do one too?". And here it is! This better be the last one though.
Awesome review. by spaceworlder	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:47:52 PM
I think I'll catch this one on DVD.
dacoach by MrFire	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:47:59 PM
See, no one liked Hostel 2, so it's up to the tried and true defenders of 'What is obviously good stuff, you idiots' to pop up. It's sad when we know what to expect from reviewers before they've even reviewed a movie. Moriarty would give a well-reasoned moderate view of the movie, which would lead to a good discussion on the meris of the movie. Harry would give a friends movie a good review, a popular movie a bad review, and a movie no one would ever see the best review. Vern would write whatever he felt like, and maybe talk about the movie somewhere in his rant. Alexandra would talk down to us like we were 13 year olds and she was the babysitter waiting for her boyfriend to come over and commit statutory rape. If this site has degraded to simply posting ludicrous reviews in the name of getting page hits, at least be honest about it.
OH THANK GOD! by tile_mcgillus	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:48:22 PM
I thought I was losing my fucking mind. "DIE HARD. ALIENS. TERMINATOR 2. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. STAR WARS. JAWS. ROAD WARRIOR. PREDATOR. ROBOCOP. TOTAL RECALL. THE MATRIX. LORD OF THE RINGS. BATMAN. SPIDER-MAN. X-MEN. SUPERMAN. James Bond. LETHAL WEAPON" What happened to movies that Transformers is now acceptable on their level supposedly?
Disney bites Bay by Lance Rock	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:49:45 PM
great review, Vern! but I gotta say, I still loved the spectacle.
uhhhh, I loved it. by boogy110	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:50:00 PM
Look, I'm not going to drone oon how I grew up with the Transformers as a child, yada yada fucking yada; but I have to admit, I fucking loved the movie. Yeah, some things were different, and my ONLY complaint was the fight scenes looked a little messy. But, all in all I loved this fucking move. Why? Because I took it for what it was. A sci fi action movie based on a toy. Oh yeah, guess what. I thought it kicked the ever loving shit out of Spiderman 3 and Pirates 3. Hey, I heard nithing but applause at the end of the movie. I'm not going to bullshit like other "reviewers" and say that people gave high fives to the people next to them, but I could honestly tell that most of the audience loved it. Shit, my wife who did'nt whant to see it in the first place, told me she loved it and raved about it to her friends. Hey, is EVERYONE going to love it? No, of course not, but I take offense to the Dickwad of a reviewer, not becaue he didn't like the movie, but because he seems to be stating that anyone who enjoys this movie doesn't have a brain. Well buddy, I may not be a scientist or a Harvard Law graduate, but I am a Detective in South FL. So, I'm pretty sure I have some intelligence. The movie is, action packed, funny and yes , 1 or 2 parts got me teary eyed. If you like fun kids movies, go see this.
msj ruined gr!!!!!!!! by El Borak	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:50:02 PM
please don't remind me about ghost rider.. dammit.
Wow by Mattyboy122	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:50:23 PM
That was one of the most hilarious reviews I've ever read. I'm at work and I had to stop myself from laughing out loud several times. Good show, Vern. Good show.
Brilliant Review! by the scream	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:50:34 PM
What can I say? That was spot on Vern. This movie was total shite and you had the balls to say it. People don't get that you can have a big, loud b-grade film that is still worth seeing like Aliens or the Terminator. Films with heart and a brain. Transformers is lacking both. But, hey, so long as fifty things explode in the first reel, people will be happy.
fuck, yeah, VERN! by finky089	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:50:37 PM
But, oh all the apologists said "script, characterization, dialogue- a movie needs not these things". At least Vern has his head screwed on straight.
Vern is very much correct. by El Mario	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:52:20 PM
However, I still enjoyed the movie and will probably see it again in the theater. Also, I do lament that there has not been an action/summer movie in a long time that was truly great. The last true great one was probably The Matrix. Someday, the right director will bring the right script to The Rock, and we will have a truly great action/summer movie.
the movie ownz, its too late by shichibukai	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:52:32 PM
ya this thing is entertaining, and its gonna break all sorts of records, no matter how much u hate it
TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! by finky089	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:52:48 PM
Because it's my very last time. TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! v
Sweet by ewokstew	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:53:24 PM
Vern hit the nail right on the head. Just caught the matinee and couldn't agree with him more.
Clearly VERN wrote this review several months ago by HamsterDK	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:54:05 PM
I mean what's the point of writing a review of a movie made by a director you despise and know will disappoint you. I don't know what went wrong in your childhood since you are unable to relax and just be entertained for a coupple of hours. Cause anyone who isn't at least entertained by this movie and have a fun time is seriously disturbed.
i guess he was expecting schindlers list 2 by StreetTrash	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:55:37 PM
...its really not that bad. it plays to kids too much, but it's still pretty cool. when is that tom cruise and denzel washington hot dog comedy coming out?
Vern brought the logic train! by tile_mcgillus	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:55:56 PM
Great review. Glad someone could stand up and tell the truth.
wow...another long-winded review from someone by Datascream	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:56:14 PM
in love with Steven Seagel. I guess beggars CAN be choosers.
AMEN VERN!!! by br1947	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:56:45 PM
Glad someone wrote what I was thinking, because after that crap fest, I can't form coherent words to express how awful that movie was. You nailed it, "Damn you Micheal Bay"!!!
ALL MOTHERFUCKIN HAIL VERN!!!! by zillabeast	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:59:03 PM
THANK YOU!!!
Vern on... by MrFire	Jul 3rd, 2007 06:59:51 PM
Walking Tall DTV Sequel "It's actually not that bad" X3 "In my eyes he did a good job." Hollow Man 2 "It's actually not that bad" Starship Troopers 2 "What makes this movie worth watching though is...This movie has some good effects" Vern on Transformers: "The effects are obviously very expensive and somebody worked a long time on making them, so way to go, E for Effort." "Holy shit, society really is on the brink of collapse." Yeah, clearly someone is in some severe need of perspective.
Hahahahahaha! by Renholder	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:00:14 PM
Vern is more than right, but I still had an OK time. Shia wasn't as bad as I thought he was going to be and some of the action sequences were alright.
so.. Harry and Vern are the two guys who never got paid by BRUTICUS	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:01:02 PM
Transformers should have been taken seriously. Much agreed.
FUCK YES! ALL HAIL VERN!!! by eppdude	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:01:15 PM
The most entertaining review I've read in a long time. I laughed out loud several times. I just love the genuine bile and hatred spewed in this review. This was written by a true film geek - and hell hath no fury.
Thats was the most bitter thing I've ever read by Nuck81	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:02:03 PM
Thank you!!
love ya vern... by maxwell's hammer	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:02:23 PM
...but I think i'm more in line with Moriarty on this one. A flawed film to be sure, but one that I greatly enjoyed. You know in the sequel there won't be so much time spent on the set-up, and maybe they'll do some redesigns of the Transformers in the sequel so the robots are less difficult to look at (I do agree with you on that problem), but I came out of the theater pretty satisfied.
Damn You Megan Fox! by B0D	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:02:42 PM
For the sake of humanity* please hand yourself into the nearest illegal human cloning facility. Thanks. As for the robot designs, didn't Bay say he wanted to make the giant alien robots more realistic and the best way to do that was to make them look like piles of hastily glued together car parts because the original designs would look silly? Muppet! *My penis.
Uh oh, Vern's really upset! by gorydon	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:05:46 PM
Ha, I liked this movie a lot actually. And I hate most of Bay's movies. I laughed at most of the jokes, as did most of the people in the theater. I thought the action was mind blowing and exciting. I had a good time. Yeah it was corny and had some leaps of logic. It's a fucking movie! It's a fantasy world. It's not a film made for the high-brow arty folks. This was made for teenagers.
and know what? by eppdude	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:06:14 PM
Ratatouille is the best movie of the summer thus far. I hope more people see it. Really brilliant stuff.
Action by Kanossssss	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:06:27 PM
I had fun with it. I didn't mind the comedy bits - they certainly didn't feel overdone to me, with the exception of the bumblebee pissing routine. But like many others here I did have a problem with the action, and the way it was shot with shaky cam. A big blurred mess, except in the odd times when the camera pulled back and then it was great (optimus prime v bonecrusher). The last Batman film had the same problems and it ruined it for me. The only time you should consider shooting an action scene up close is when you are shooting porn
Needed some more explosions,,, by The White Morgan Freeman	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:06:38 PM
Just kidding. Just got back from seeing it and damn if this movie is not awesome. Best flick of the summer followed closely by Knocked Up. Starscream taking out Raptors in the air...awesome.
Vern is the only reviewer on the site that's unpaid by BadMrWonka	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:06:39 PM
and the only one to call out Transformers for the shitstorm it is... coincidence? (by the way, I'm just kidding...mostly)
I GUESS THERE IS HOPE FOR HUMANITY by sketch2099	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:07:20 PM
vern's review almost brings a tear to my eye, if you read my posts on harry's review you'll know how happy this review makes me. thanks vern, i was on the verge of never coming to this website again and you've restored some of my faith
Damn You Vern! by Rupee88	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:07:22 PM
I was going to go see this at the theater, but thanks to Vern I'll just download the DVD in few months. I have no desire to sit through a frustratingly shitty move for two hours and Vern has convinced me this will be the case. So damn you, Vern but thanks for saving me some $.
Damn that was long... by antoniojvr	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:08:13 PM
... not to mention biased and bullshit.
reviews can BE biased, antoniojvr by eppdude	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:09:18 PM
They are OPINION pieces. Cheers, douchebag.
Whatever... by Arashikage	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:09:39 PM
Thoroughly enjoyed it. Had fun. More importantly my 4 and 5 year old sons loved it. And when they both leaned over to me and said "Dad, that's what he said in my transformers movie" after Optimus said "One shall stand, one shall fall." I never felt more proud. But hey, I didn't know I was supposed to hate Michael Bay until I read it on this site, so maybe my standards are just to low.
I JUST REGISTERED AT AIN'T IT COOL... by Flux88MPH	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:10:15 PM
....for the singular purpose of saying THANK YOU Vern. Finally someone has said everything I thought. I was so excited for this movie but it ended up being a remake of SMALL SOLDIERS....though maybe not so small.
Come on, Vern. by FuzzyWhisper	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:11:00 PM
Society isn't on the brink of collapse because your subjective view differs from everyone else's. If the movie doesn't appeal to your sensibilities, fucking acknowledge it and move on. It's not like there's any lack of interesting upcoming releases to pay attention to anyway. Your review became a rant in the first paragraph, and it didn't have the good sense to quit before it turned into a full-on synopsis drenched in menopausal angst. Why don't you calm down and have a drink?
all you people complaining about this review... by BadMrWonka	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:11:39 PM
you're kidding right? someone just called him biased...HE'S REVIEWING THE MOVIE...every reviewer has a bias. just because Vern isn't giving the EXACT SAME review as everyone else (here's a summary, "yeah it was dumb, and the plot and characters were lousy, but oh man, it was such an EXPERIENCE! I was blown away. just don't expect a real movie and you'll be pleased") well Vern, along with a lot of us here, have the GALL to ask that a huge action movie actually have some semblance of a brain and a heart. this movie had neither. good on you, Vern. it's a Seattle thing.
MrFire by Mr. Winston	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:12:10 PM
Look at how much time YOU'RE spending complaining. Why don't you just not fucking come here anymore if everything bothers you so much? Jesus. I'm not making a point to see this anytime soon, but when I do I'll be thinking about this review. Everyone I've talked to who's seen it has said the same thing: "See it on the big screen once because it's worth it. It's the worst movie I've ever had a good time seeing." It can't be worse than KONG '05, can it? Can it really? Anyway, Vern, you made me laugh. Thanks.
uh Vern... The Matrix was not a summer film by tailhook	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:12:46 PM
Unless you consider films released in March to be 'summer'. Nor were any of the Lord of the Rings films.. all 3 were released in the winter.
Why do people hate ID4? by sshspooky	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:13:27 PM
I think ID4 is fantastic. Especially the directors cut. It has great build up, great action, all the plot points weaving together brilliantly, it's just a great movie top to bottom.
A Transformers Fan's Review by Screentime	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:13:34 PM
http://tinyurl.com/2wlm8l
Boogie110, HamsterDK by Vern	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:13:50 PM
Boogie: I honestly don't mean to insult anyone's intelligence and I apologize for offending you by being a dickwad reviewer. I am not a Harvard scientist either. The guy I described who loved the movie is a guy I respect, and I respect Moriarty too. And I would not be surprised if I was wowed by your detective skills. All I mean to say is that my brain does not comprehend how this is entertaining to you guys. And I'm sure you could say the same thing about many of my favorites. But more power to you for having fun with it. HamsterDK: You're not entirely wrong. I am not the intended audience for this movie and I am not objective about Michael Bay's movies, so this is more of an essay than a review. But I do respect the artform enough that I can't sit back and say nothing while a movie this deadly gets a pass by everybody just because it's loud and expensive. To me you gotta have SOME standards, and the "just relax and watch this garbage" attitude is demeaning to movies and to humans who watch movies. To answer your question, what went wrong in my childhood (or probaly adulthood) is that at some point I started to love movies, watch alot of them, and think about them. I have seen enough okay, good, and great movies to have higher expectations than just to "relax and just be entertained for a couple of hours". If I'm supposed to be able to be entertained by any god damn garbage they put in front of me then why don't I just stay home and watch TV all day? If you thought the movie was good that's cool, I'm glad you enjoyed it. But I don't see you saying it's good, I just see you saying I'm an asshole for not swallowing it passively.
This movie is like King Kong (05)... by MonteCristo	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:17:33 PM
...without the character development but WITH the hour of needless boring shit. Plus, the action scenes in King Kong were better.
Vern, NO ONE is saying it's good, that's the thing by BadMrWonka	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:18:01 PM
everyone is saying they understand how it fails on so many levels, but they still just loved the hell out of it. well fine, but if I can't enjoy a movie that fails on even basic levels to be coherent and well thought out, where does that leave me? am I an asshole for saying so? if people enjoyed Transformers, fine, congrats. but I can't believe anyone has the stones to defend it on an intellectual level. although, I guess that's not what most people here are doing. they're just yelling. I LIKED IT YOU DIDN'T YOU STUPID! perfect audience member for Bay's Transformers.
Best review so far by Serpico1974	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:19:41 PM
Transformer was worse than fucking Spiderman 3. Fuck that movie.
I Shudder to Think by AidanJames	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:19:50 PM
how much more angry this review would be if you had to pay to see the flick. Good god... it would be awesome.
Best review in AICN history by IndustryKiller!	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:20:28 PM
Vern to the fucking rescue! A voice of reason in a dark dark world. It goes beyond being a review of Transformers and becomes a condemnation of everything that genre films have become, which is to say complete and utter crap, and the idiot fucking public who eats it up and with bellies full of shit, ask for more. Brilliant my friend. Simply fucking brilliant.
Vern Likes To Be a Contrary Dick by Fartgod The IRSTard	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:21:02 PM
America LOVES this movie. Vern is just trying to be a negative clown as always. Dance clown, dance.
I don't disagree... by Arashikage	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:21:26 PM
With a thing that Vern said, I see where he's coming from. But none of it bothered me like it did him. I think it has a lot to do with the look of awe on my son's faces the whole time. And I think about how I would have felt about what I was seeing when I was 8 years old (1984) and that's what it's about, feeling like an 8 year old again; and I did. I was a big kid sitting with my boys. That's a cool feeling.
We're at DEFCON 4, people! by TheManWithTooManyNames	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:21:29 PM
Vern has just made the "Batman & Robin" comparison. I thought this film was looking shaky when it was being compared to shit like ID4 and Top Gun. But Batman & Robin! Kurwa!
Why Transformers didn't outrage me as much as Spidey 3 by MonteCristo	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:21:39 PM
Because Spidey 3 ruined a franchise, Transformers was new to me so it just sucked on its own.
tailhook by Vern	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:24:38 PM
You're wrong! Just kidding. I wasn't gonna look up the release dates on all those, and I knew some of them probaly weren't released in the summer. But they were "big event movies" from studios. They had big budgets and special effects and action, they played to big crowds. They could've been released on July 4th, it just happens that they weren't. Anyway thanks for the correction.
Mr. Winston by MrFire	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:24:48 PM
Vern says "I am not objective about Michael Bay's movies, so this is more of an essay than a review. " Well, hell, if I wanted a review of Michael Bay I would have went to AintItMichaelBay.com. If he can shit on a movie that he clearly had no intention of liking to begin with, I think I'm within my power to shit on this 'review' as well.
its all a matter of opinion...yet again by Bouncy X	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:27:15 PM
all those movies listed by vern and others in different talkbacks, well theres a whole older generation who think the same thing about them as you all seem to about this and the current crop. then there's the younger generation who think all those movies are shit and the current stuff is classic. but it all comes down to personal tastes/opinions. no one's right or wrong. its one thing to say you dont like whatever movie for whatever reason but to imply people who do are less intelligent or something.....then people here get upset when they're called elitists. hmmmm lol
MrFire by BadMrWonka	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:27:35 PM
Bay directed this movie, he has directed a whole bunch of huge, shitty movies. he is very much a part of this movie, and the reason it failed for those that didn't like it, and the reason it worked for those who actually did. so why is it off limits to mention him, and the reviewers attitude towards him in general? you just want to yell, so go ahead. don't try to rationalize it.
If the only defense you people have against this review by IndustryKiller!	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:27:36 PM
is that he is biased against Michael bay then you need to sit back, shut the fuck up, and have a coke and a smile. That is nothing even remotely resembling an argument. What it does resemble.....is idiocy. Any free thinking film lover is well within their rights to hate Michael bay. In fact it should be his supporters who have to defend themselves given that he CANT FUCKING DIRECT ACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! combined with hte fact that all he makes are soulless action films. Now listen and listen carefully, I don't care how expensive his films look, how epic they feel, how loud they are, when it comes to an actual action scene the camera looks like it's being held by a guy with parkinsons and NOTHING is discernable. If you are wondering what that means, it means that he can't direct action for shit. That's the one defense Bay fans give when defending his films and it's complete bullshit. So find something else to prattle on about or be on your way.
You've convinced me not to see this. by Larry of Arabia	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:28:27 PM
I was on the fence. I really, really want to be able to see a film and turn my brain off. The last Bay movie I saw in theaters was Armageddon and I left thinking, "Never again." I never did. Then I thought "well, it's giant robots beating eachother up, and the big 'S' is involved in the story so maybe..." The reviews on here were good, the tomatometer is baaarely positive. But I read Harry, then you, and it just confirmed my fears. The movie may be giant robots fighting, but it's Michael Bay directing giant robots fighting. I'll so see a good movie. I hear Pixar has a gem and there is a genuinely scary horror movie out.
You know what else America "LOVES" fartgod? by IndustryKiller!	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:29:00 PM
The Republican party and fast food. End of argument.
It's not 'AintItProfessionalReviews.com' either. by MonteCristo	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:29:22 PM
It's about Cool News, and I think it's very cool news that somebody had the good sense to say how bad this movie was actually was. If I was a little kid watching this movie, I'd be bored as hell. Now that I'm grown, my head hurts like hell. So, that's what this movie was: some weird circle of hell.
HA! Fucking A, Industry Killer! by eppdude	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:29:30 PM
that was a sweet-ass post.
If your friend likes Bad Boys 2, Vern by The Artist FKA Vesuvio	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:29:37 PM
That makes him an idiot who knows shit about movies. True story.
Can't this just be renamed the haters tb? by couP	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:29:49 PM
bringing the world together with all this NEGATIVITY, i think not. hail mori.
Paul Greengrass can direct better action... by MonteCristo	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:31:02 PM
...and that's saying something.
wow... just wow... by tempurasama	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:31:12 PM
that was probably the most condescending "review" I have ever read. That review could not have been written by a person who's reviewing a film fairly. That was a person bent on hating the film, and Michael Bay. Vern watched this movie with an agenda. What does he need to watch for to start hating this film. He went in with a notepad, and took down EVERY detail that he can turn around and portray it as the most hateful thing anyone can put in a film. Then he sits down, listens to some really rebellious and angry music, and wrote an equivalent of an "I hate you dad!!" letter to Michael Bay. Sorry Vern, I enjoyed your Die Hard review. I thought it was sincere and honest, even if it was a little bias. At least you sat down and tried to review a film. You did not do it here. You wrote a hate letter with your "I hate Michael Bay" goggles on. The worst part is you use your hatred of this film to prove your intelligence, and your superiority over everyone else that enjoyed the film. It's insulting to read, because I see how a person's hatred can overwhelm his intelligence. I haven't seen the film, and I'm not saying all of the above to defend the film. I'm not judging you because you hated it, I'm judging you because of the manner you hated it. That was not a review at all; instead, it's just nothing more than a pathetic rant, and a poor attempt to prove one's superiority. Get over yourself!
Thanks Vern by JD Lux	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:31:52 PM
The term Summer Blockbuster should be laid to rest.I havent seen a summer blockbuster since Terminator 2.I will not be seeing this in theaters and will wait till I can rent it.
HA! Fucking A, tempurasama by MrFire	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:32:37 PM
that was a sweet-ass post.
Again, MrFire by Mr. Winston	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:33:55 PM
All you did was complain about Vern's review, then complain about everyone else that writes for AICN. Why are you here if you don't like reading anyone's reviews? It looks like you just showed up to be a dick. I mean, congratulations, because you certainly achieved that. It's amazing the number of people that will fly off the handle and yell, "FUCK YOU!!!!!" at someone who's just expressing their opinion, like they're reading the review next to someone who's going to rape their grandmother if they don't soak up and get twisted about every last word. It's a fucking free site. If you disagree with the review, disagree with the review. But you spent like twenty minutes going back through Vern's OTHER reviews to quote him and bash his opinions simply because he had them. And then you had the gall to act like you deserved a refund for something you should have made the choice to avoid. That's...that's just douchebaggery.
God, I can't wait to read Quint's review after this by zillabeast	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:34:24 PM
He has a hell of a tough act to follow.
Really, guys, this movie is not good by GiggityGoo	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:34:32 PM
I posted this same rant elsewhere, but I have to chime in and say that there's very little to like in this movie. I know some are trumpeting the "awesome robot-on-robot destruction", but I can't believe they weren't driven to seizure by the ultra-shaky-cam and super-CG-blurring of the robot fights. The shots in the last couple of trailers were the only ones in which things are clearly discernable. Very, very disappointing.
Tempurasama, you can call Vern pretentious by IndustryKiller!	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:34:39 PM
But you can't call him stupid. And you know what he isn't even pretentious. Just because you didn't like the way he delivered the truth to you doesn't mean it isn't the truth. He made his argument clearly and concisely. If he sounded snooty about it it's probably just your own insecurity getting the best of you.
Only on AICN... by limpl0uie	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:35:04 PM
can you find people hating on the movie...actually, only on geeky, power-nerd movie sites can you find people hating on the movie. strange phenomenon... IMO, it's Bays' best (Which isn't saying too much, I know). But, c'mon people!! I can't see how you can hate or dislike the movie in anyway. think about what you saw and think about what it all is. And, by that I mean its a movie about giant robots fighting, directed by Michael Bay THAT WAS BASED OFF OF A TOY LINE FROM THE 80s! What were you expecting? If your answer was anything above entertaining...you're stupid.
Thank God!!! by raum	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:35:15 PM
After reading Mori's review I was ACTUALLY worried about how Vern would see it. First Harry's. Now Vern's. There is some hope in the world after all.
Too bad... by ShogunMaster	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:37:35 PM
Poor guy gets to see a Popcorn Movie for free and all he can do is complain that it wasn't Schindler's List. You know what? Sometimes a movie is supposed to be about escapism from the day to day crap that goes on in our lives. Sometimes it is 'fun' to watch something that offers nothing more than an adrenaline rush and eye candy. This movie isn't supposed to be about learning and growing and becoming a better person. This is about yelling at the screen and having a good time. When I read reviews like this, I can't help but think that the reviewer is either missing the point or trying to be one of the few negative reviewers just so people will read his winded diatribe. If 99% of reviewers like something, then reading the 1% that didn't is all the easier. But a review like this is like having a bad review on a porno just because the plot didn't make sense. Porn isn't about saving Jews from certain death, it's not about walking the yellow brick road (unless that is a euphemism); it's about 'having a good time'. This movie is porn for the action minded (or softcore porn, depending on your opinion of Megan Fox) and the story doesn't matter at all. Sit back, whip it out, and enjoy. Expect no awards to be given to this movie at the end of the year. Just enjoy the 'happy ending'.
The internet... by tempurasama	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:37:53 PM
has provided everyone with a means to become a critic. However, just because you are able to get your voice heard, doesn't mean you are actually a critic. A critic has a responsibility to report, and there are ethics that go with the job. A critic goes beyond himself, and thinks of the readers as well. A critic uses his personal experience to relate to his readers. He or she doesn't use her own personal agenda to dictate what movie he or she is "allow" to like, and then turn around and piss on everyone else for disagreeing. I'm glad you have the internet to get your voice heard. Otherwise, nobody will even give you a job as a respectable critic.
thank god! finally someone agrees with me! by Maniaq	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:39:08 PM
Vern, you absolutely hit on the nead every single problem I had with this movie - the fact you couldn't tell one robot from another - which meant you couldn't care less when one of them was "killed" - in fact, I wasn't even sure of that fact because, as you point out, the "action" sequences involve so much fast cutting/fast CGI/shaky-cam-to-the-max I actually had very little idea what the hell was going on in front of my eyes for a waaaaay-tooooo large proportion of the movie! One thing you reminded me of, which I never really paid much attention to until you mentioned it, was the crowd I saw this with. I saw this movie THE DAY AFTER it opened in Australia, which places me at the movies on a Friday night in what should be a "runaway blockbuster hit" - the theatre was maybe barely half full of mostly too old for this shit geeks like me and NOBODY LAUGHED NOT ONE SINGLE TIME during the entire two and a half hours worth of this crap. There was no applause. I think everyone else, like me, was slowly but surely sinking lower and lower into the depression of disappointment this movie induced. Unlike you tho, Vern, I do have a couple of nice things to say, too. I'd never seen Shia Lebeouf before and I can totally understand the hate because it took me over an hour to get over how damn annoying he is but I did eventually get over that and I must give him credit for carrying the movie because there can be no denying it - annoying as he is, the boy can act. Also, the one or two (two, I think) moments where I actually did manage to follow what was going on in the Bay-fest carnage he likes to call action, well those moments were good. In fact, I would go so far as to say those moments were truly awesome! Unfortunately, one or two great moments is nowhere near enough to qualify a film as anywhere near "good"...
Well, here's hoping they do a G-1 based movie someday. by Energoncube	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:39:32 PM
While undoubtedly this movie is going to make a ton of cash because of the brand name Transformers, and ILM's special effects it saddens me as a long time Transformers fan to see this franchise be utterly and completely altered till it is unrecognizable. In fact the only thing that ties this with transformers would be the premise, the logos and the title, and maybe optimus prims iconic head design. Other than that, the story, characters and designs fail on every single level except for inducing the ADD addled brains of bay apololgists to go "ooh" "ahh" to the insane amount of action going onscreen to make up for the fact that they ditched the potential for a massive space sci-fi epic for a sophomoric story about a teenager trying to get laid, and the robots that seem to make that a little harder to do. I have been following this project closley, since I have always been a fan of the original source material, yes, it was cheesy at times, yes, most of the time it was a huge toy commercial "but seriously what wasn't in the 80's?" But at the heart of it it had likeable heroes AND villians. Iconic designs and a much better origin story and motivation for both the good guys and the bad guys than this movie was EVER intending on having. And no I am not a person who wanted an exact copy of G-1 but I did hope for designs that at least showed some EFFORT to get it right, a story that actually FOLLOWED the original for the most part, and focus on the transformers themselves as characters. To get someone up to speed, the premise is simple, sentient robots crashland on earth millions of years ago only to be reactivated by some sort of geological event, a boy and his father get caught in the middle of a battle between the heroic autobots, and evil decepticons, that hail from a planet called cybertron. The decepticons wish to revitalize their planet called cybertron by taking earths energy which they can refine into energon and create a space bridge to reactivate cybertron, a planet they ruled before crashing to earth. So the autobots stop at nothing to destroy the decepicons before they destroy the world and bring about it's total destruction. So yeah, transformers purists are pissed off because we see the potential for a much better story, much better designs and characterizations that actually make the autobots seem much more relatable and the decepticons much more brutal. They have completely ignored the relationships between the characters that we were hoping for. The sneering resentment of Starscream at megatron, the laid back attitude of Jazz, Ironhide's redneck attitude of asskickery, Soundwaves blind devotion to megatron, and the fact any semblence of the origonal story in spirit or form has been glossed over to provide a vehicle for splosions and cool FX. This is how you completley wreck a franchise, and IF and WHEN this sequel get's made you will finally see that there has been zero thought in actually creating this movie as a Transformers movie, just a quick cash in on a hugley popular name by a guy who hasn't made a decent movie since the Rock.
Mr. Winston by MrFire	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:41:25 PM
And you're spending time complaining about me, meta-complaining if you will. I'm not complaining about a review here, because this wasn't a review. Vern admits it. I went back over his other reviews to show people how stupid this 'review' is. Much like how some people will drag out Harry's Armageddon review when he bashes a 'popular' movie. Just because this is a website for reviewers, doesn't mean that they should actually put effort into reviewing the movie they're watching. And by review, I don't mean blow the director and spit it out all over the talkbacks for us to wash ourselves in, nor do I mean assault us with low-brow semantics in an effort to bully us into thinking that being entertained is a bad thing. WTF? Enjoying this movie means I'm a fucking retard? And you think I'm a douchebag?
This TB is like christmas for me... by tile_mcgillus	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:44:45 PM
Someone actually demanding quality and not accepting craption as a substitute! Oh my god. Glorious.
IndustryKiller! by tempurasama	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:45:39 PM
I didn't say he was stupid. I said he let his pride get the best of him. He's obviously an intelligent guy, with some wit no less. I said I enjoyed his Die Hard Review for the above attributes. It's just that when it comes to certain directors like Bay, or Anderson, some self proclaimed Geeks thinks it hurts their reputation and intelligence to review a film fairly. I don't care if he didn't like it. I may not like it. But to let oneself go like that is just insulting, especially if one is in a position of a reviewer. That review should not have been written by someone intelligent, and those words should have have come out of someone who is in control of his or her enthusiasm. There's nothing in that review that I can take seriously. It was one bad joke after another, just like he said the film was. If anyone was insecured, it was the person that wrote the review. He obviously can do better, just not here...
I don't really know what to say about this.... by ludmir88	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:45:44 PM
damn.. i'm going to see it in a couple of days and i feel worried now instead of excited. Transformers "THE MOVIE" only in my mind i guess. I'm just confused. An honest review actually. Good job.
He did review it Mr. Fire by Chopper Sullivan	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:46:42 PM
He said the action was hard to follow, the robots were ugly looking, and there was no tension or drama due to a lot of bad humor. That sounds like a review to me. And he said he doesn't get how other people like it, especially those that basically admit all of its flaws but still say it's good because it's just a popcorn movie. None of this sounds unreasonable to me.
I love how insulted the apologists are by IndustryKiller!	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:46:46 PM
It could only because deep down they know exactly how awful this crap is but they can't help themselves. Like the fat kid who cries because he just can't stop eating that candy bar. I expect any myriad of excuses to pop up over the course of this talkback. The favorite so far is that it's an invalid review because their fragile feelings were hurt by it. Bullshit. Insecurity is a bitch.
Not an honest review of a movie by iamnotyous	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:48:18 PM
It is sad to think that some people like Vern feel so threatened by movies made by Michael Bay (not sure yet why they feel so threatened) that they have to attack him. His review seemed pretty childish, almost as if he was just using it as an excuse to hit Bay below the belt as much as possible. For crying out loud the man made a pretty damn good movie considering his material consisted of giant robots that came from outerspace. Give the guy a break people and stop worrying if someone might think you are less intelligent for enjoying a Michael Bay movie. I would normally not break down someones personal opinion, but this review did not seem like an opinion. I think Vern was pissed because he was tricked into thinking this flick would cure cancer. Now he feels foolish and must attack the movie like it failed as being the proverbial messiah as if that was what the purpose of the movie was. I don't know, I guess it makes me giggle that someone could waste so much energy on talking about how much they hate something. Write your review, state your opinion but don't be so damn immature about it.
Well said Energoncube by tile_mcgillus	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:48:18 PM
That synopsis made me sad for what COULD and SHOULD have been.
THE MOTHERFUCKING RETURN OF DAMN YOU MICHAEL BAY!!!!!!! by BringingSexyBack	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:49:02 PM
Vern you have reaffirmed my faith in humanity. I can't even believe you and Harry panned a movie that was loved by Mori, Yack and Messi. Fucking insane.
Temp he explained EXACTLY what he didn't like by IndustryKiller!	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:49:26 PM
Giving examples from the film. Talking about the chinsy human story and the horribly directed action. Sure he rails against the idiot public, but they need railing against. Just because he recognizes a problem with how this country interprets art nowadays and you feel insulted by it doesn't mean he isn't dead right.
There are spoilers in that review by GrandpaUlrira	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:51:29 PM
That is if Jazz dies. If that is the case, you should put the little box around it. That's a pretty bitter review, to the point where it becomes a little hard to take seriously.
Thank you Thank you Thank you, etc... by J-Boxer	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:51:49 PM
Holy shit is right. This goes beyond the whole TINO crap and eners a whole new realm of What The Fuck?!? For all of you out there who say to take it for what it is, what exactly is that? Is this what we expect from spectacle now? Lame jokes piled like turds around senseless, impossible-to-folow fight scenes? There is no pacing here, no choreography, no art whatsoever. My one disagreement with Vern is that of this movie's ultimate fate. He seems to think that it will be a joke, a flop, a Roadhouse or Showgirls that people nudge eachother over and say, "what were they thinking with THAT one?" At the showing I attended, the theater absolutely exploded with applause once the mess ended. I guess expectations are simply lower nowadays. I will, though, share my personal favorite sequence,as, like Vern said, it wasn't ALL bad. Near the end, in the middle of the metal pieces tumbling around "fighting," there's a guy walking down the street with an xbox 360 box in his hands. He's holding it out in front of him like a pizza box, as if simultaneously saying, "look, its an xbox 360, Buy this, not one of the other videogame systems, kids," and, "hey animators, here's that xbox 360 you're supposed to animate." Then, for some reason, the box sprouts legs and becomes an xbox 360 transformer. And you can buy the transformers movie game for the xbox 360! Does it get any more meta than this? If there IS a sequel, I hope it opens with two fat kids playing xbox and drinking mountain dew, when CHOO-CHOO-CHOO, all the sudden they're face to face with two VERY deadly product tie-ins.
Vern I love your Reviews man but this time YOUR WRONG by Eh Nam1313	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:53:14 PM
This was a great flick. Yes I can do without the peeing scene and A Anderson and the little robot. But Peter Cullen nailed Prime and was so good. Looks like you went into this knowing that Talking Robots would suck, and you hated it the second you walked in and sat down. To have time to Develop more Character Development you need fewer characters and you just can't do that in a first movie like transformers.Who the hell wants to see a movie with just Bumblebee and Prime and like two bad guys(Lame) Yes the Flames on prime suck but when he was on screen you were just so happy that PRIME is there! This is the SUMMER MOVIE of the year not S3 OE P3 OR SHREKcrapy 3 this is the movie you have been waiting for all summer. Oh and this is the first time I thought you did a Bad job in your review but oh well have a good one.
J-Boxer by tile_mcgillus	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:55:04 PM
MY GOD! It is like the rollerskates in Superman 2 except XBOX paid a lot of money to be in the movie. It is like a 2 1/2 hour skit from Wayne's World..."Nuprin: little yellow, different".
AICN Reviewers Are Schizo's by Ky-El	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:57:23 PM
Okay so I read Harry's whiney review earlier complaining about how much the movie missed out on following Shia's character and how it's all about the robots. And Vern says it's all about Shia and NOT about the robots. WHICH ONE IS IT ASSHOLES?!? You people are so retarded. Can't you just review movies with clear head and not pre-concieved notions?!?
So, what you're saying Vern, is that you didn't like it by The Dum Guy	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:58:05 PM
I think I'm going to down about two or three shots before the movie starts, and then continue drinking from a Sprite bottle filled with light rum. Hopefully, my experience with this film will be better than others.
Chopper Sullivan by MrFire	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:58:11 PM
Yeah, that would be a review. Now explain the other 4200 words. For example: "In TRANSFORMERS they say things like "It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese," and you're supposed to laugh." This is how I picture Vern at the movie. He's got his yellow notepad out and every couple minutes he lets out this long, exasperated sigh, rolls his eyes and yells out "Oh my GOD people, you're idiots for watching this" as he digs his hand into a bag of Fuzzy Peaches and stuffs them in his mouth. Meanwhile, the people that are sitting behind him, enjoying the movie want to punch him in the back of the head for ruining what they see as a well-spent $17 night out away from their jobs where they don't get to sit around all day and get paid to write long diatribes about the movie they saw last night.
Eh Nam1313 by tile_mcgillus	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:58:11 PM
So they didnt have time to develop the robots...BUT did have time to develop ohhh 20 human characters? They left so little time for Robots that Starscream and Megatron share ONE line together. Then the decepticon are nearly indistinguishable. I am going to go ahead and call bullshit on that one.
Vern's an old man by Alpha Trion	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:58:50 PM
"they don't have the magic of childlike innocence in their hearts or whatever." and neither do you. What 80 year old man goes to see "The Transformers"? oh and "...none of those arguments hold water with me." I dont think you can hold water anymore gramps. Im an adult with 4 boys. They loved it. they were on the edge of their seats, they laughed, they bounced and at the end proclaimed it to be the best movie they've seen. Me personally? yea it lacked any kind of depth, but the transformers never had it and theyre not supposed to. Even when you try to "logically" explain their existence, you cant! Evenif they did exist they would learn from tv, the internet and media in general just like young boys between the ages of 8 and 17 who have not had any real life experience. "TALLADEGA NIGHTS THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY is indeed a high quality comedy, well executed with many laughs, etc." well no wonder you didnt get the humor of this movie. I know of no one that found talladega nights funny. Will ferrels worst movie ever. You also love behind the mask so much but even that movie dissapointed with the ending and it played like a sci-fi direct to video film. so to show that you can make any movie/film seem bad let me give you an example with your own list..."DIE HARD was a blockbuster/popcorn/summer/eve nt movie" with the same plot as every terrorist/robber/action movie ever made. "So was ALIENS" as an over the top exploitation of the original. And "TERMINATOR 2" which was more about eye candy than furthering the story which repeated the original. "RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK" Ill give you that one. "STAR WARS." worst acting and dialogue of all time. "JAWS." not believable enough. "ROAD WARRIOR." mel gibson sucks at everything. "PREDATOR." an arnold schwarzenneger movie. "ROBOCOP." Ill give you that one too. "TOTAL RECALL." a cartoon. "THE MATRIX." mr. reeves acting is horrible. "LORD OF THE RINGS." a piece of literature that will never be given enough justice, not even from the brilliant peter jackson. So see, even the greatest movies of all time can be reduced to nothing because in the end...ITS JUST A FUCKING MOVIE! of course most of us dont make a living off of it because that would be ridiculous. Transformers 2007 is as best as this story is going to get. and there will be more to irritate you in your old folks home.
although i liked it a little bit more than VERN by sokitome	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:59:34 PM
He nailed it right on the head. and it's sad when the only argument people have against vern is "what were u expecting schindlers list 2 or shakespeare" umm he already addressed that issue in the review so please have a more intelligent response. Sadly this is what we're reduced to now, arthouse movies that are overly pretentous at times and summer flare crap that doesn't even make an effort to be good. Fitting for our bipolar society, but one thing is for sure, KIDS aren't that stupid so quit saying it's made for kids so kids will like it, you know what kids can like smarter stuff if u give it to them.
Just finished watching Harry Potter HBO First Look by BringingSexyBack	Jul 3rd, 2007 07:59:55 PM
That will PWN all these douchey summer movies.
That Porn had too much sex in it.. by ShogunMaster	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:00:35 PM
That action movie had too much action in it. That Dramatic Movie had too much drama in it. It is supposed to be an action movie; it delivered. What else were you expecting it to be? I think a bunch of you kids need some more fibre in your diets.
I'm gonna skip this one... by superfleish76	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:01:29 PM
I was thinking about it the other day and realized that I have seen every one of Michael Bay's films in the theater. Every one! But, I only kinda' liked Bad Boys & The Rock, and absolutely hated everything else. I couldn't believe that it was possible. So, I'm not going to see this one. I'm going to save myself the frustration. And Vern, I totally agree with you on the overly complicated designs on these robots. My complaint for months is that I couldn't really "see" the robots even though I was looking at them. It has to be worse in the actual movie.
alpha trion by sokitome	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:01:57 PM
that is some of the stupidest shit i have ever read. Too bad your kids will only have a moron of a dad to look up to who thinks it's ok to dumb down shit. Jezus what a fucking idiot.
Why couldn't it be like SCHINDLER'S LIST? WHY? by Vern	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:02:13 PM
I mean how could they make a movie about robots and not include Auschwitz in there somewhere? And color photography? Talk about a wasted opportunity! Come on dude, OF COURSE I didn't ask for it to be SCHINDLER'S LIST. I understand my review is long-winded so you probaly forgot most of the stuff I wrote, but how many different ways can I explain this? I want a movie to be ENTERTAINING. To me it failed. To go with your porn analogy, I wasn't criticizing the plot in a porno. I was criticizing it because I couldn't tell what was a dick and what it was penetrating and there were about 200 too many nipples on the girl so I couldn't tell if she was right side up or doing a cartwheel. For the record, I like that Mr. Fire went back through my other reviews, and I stand by those quotes. I don't see any contradiction between "HOLLOW MAN 2 isn't as bad as you'd expect" and "TRANSFORMERS is fucking garbage." I just wish the quote from this review would've been the part about welding together a ball of car parts and rolling it down a hill. That was the best part. Also, while I'm sorry to get so many people mad, I'm glad it's a negative review that got you mad. Sometimes I feel like people only like me when I'm negative and get mad when I'm positive. So I at least appreciate it on that level. thanks guys.
tempurasama clearly the most levelheaded and... by HamsterDK	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:02:15 PM
articulated poster in this entire talkback. To call the action in Transformers "horribly directed" is downright stupid. If ppl can't differentiate the different robots they have a problem. My 10 year old nephew had no problem doing that.
Alpha Trion..." reduced to nothing" by tile_mcgillus	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:03:15 PM
Seriously, you point out either an opinion or small chink in the armor of those great movies and say you win. That is fucking classic.
Who Hurt You Vern? by NubtheSquirrel	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:04:56 PM
But seriously, I enjoyed Transformers despite its flaws. I will be seeing a second time tomorrow so maybe my opinion will change after a second viewing.
all the people calling Vern out by BadMrWonka	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:05:20 PM
are trying to justify the fact that they enjoyed the film. here's a tip: if you liked it, fine. don't feel ashamed. it doesn't make you an idiot. it just means you have the ability to turn into one for a couple hours. you don't have to bend over backwards trying to find a logical way to call out someone that thought Transformers was a piece of garbage. just face up to the fact that you liked the garbage. there's no shame in it! hell, that's what Mori's review basically said.
it will be in the CRITERION COLLECTION!!!! by ludmir88	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:05:49 PM
YEAH SURE....MEHHH
But Vern... by HamsterDK	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:07:58 PM
This isn't a review by a longshot. This is (as mentioned earlier) a hateletter that you have been waiting for months to publish. I couldn't care less about negative reviews (and this isn't getting rave reviews everywhere just check rottentomatoes) but I do find it disgusting when people use their position to shovel out personal agendas camouflaged as something else.
Hey Hamstter by sokitome	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:08:38 PM
did your kid get it right? You say he could pick out one robot from another, I ask did he get it right? Cuz that would mean u did cuz u would have to tell your son "yeah that was starscream or that was megatron"... cuz I highly doubt your ten year old could tell the difference or he probably got it wrong thinking one was ratchet when it was bumblebee or vice versa so your arguement doesn't hold water.
tile_mcgillus you are right by Eh Nam1313	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:10:06 PM
I could Do without sam's girl in the movie she sucked. And Yes the movie needs more Megatron and Starscream but but on the whole for a first movie with all the characters that are there this was not to bad. I was pissed Bay named the fucking tank the Dev, that was crap. But Still this is the first summer movie this year that i was jumping in my seat and loving every second Prime was there.
the JJ Abrams trailer? by partyflavor	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:10:24 PM
Vern, what did you think about the JJ Abrams trailer for the project with no name yet? This movie had a lot of potential. and then Bay got involved. I loved that they got the right voice for Optimus, but didn't like the lips, the flames, or the nose on that truck. I hated Boombox because his sounds were so annoying. I also remember thinking there was something off with this movie several times and then stuff would explode and I would think Oh yeah, this was Michael Bay!
hamsterdk by sokitome	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:10:57 PM
so all negative reviews are hate letters, dude make some fucking sense. and is hamsterdk short for hamsterdick? hmmmm that says alot
Vern by MrFire	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:11:32 PM
Most reviewers, the good kind anyways, can express their opinion of a movie without resorting to hyperbole; and from this you can gauge how they'd rate movies against each other. IE I'm pretty sure Ebert would rate Citizen Kane higher than Debbie Does Dallas. From what I read from you, Uwe Boll directed this while standing on his hands with a Leader-1 Gobot toy hanging from his balls. You? Hell no, you can take a very middling movie such as this, which has some great points, some good points, some gray points and some gay points and make it sound like an abomination on film, or like you say "Fucking garbage" What's the fucking point of 'reviewing' it, if you're not going to give your audience at least some semblance of honesty? You've just crapped out a bunch of polarizing words that have less to do with a movie than they do with how you want people to react. If Transformers as a movie symbolizes the end of civilization as we know it, so does this review. Fuck 'em if they like it, they're terrorists anyways.
Vern, you are a smart voice in a world of idiots by Doc_Strange	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:13:03 PM
The point you made about the robots being so damn ugly has been echoing what we, the TRUE fans of Transformers have known and been saying ever since we saw those fucking TERRIBLE character designs. You can't see shit. There's nothing iconic about them as there was the originals. I made a point in another talkback that if you take the old G1 designs or hell, any of the designs from subsequent shows, you would almost instantly be able to tell which Transformer it is just by looking at it if it was silhouetted. Take for instance, Megatron, right off the bat you'd be able to tell it's Megatron because of that huge fucking arm cannon. Then look at movie Megatron or MINO. Would you be able to tell him from the other characters? No. Why? Because Megatron is a FUCKING ICONIC CHARACTER DESIGN that EVERYONE and their mother knows. How come the idiot character designers couldn't just update the designs here and there and yet keep what made the character an icon? Same with Optimus Prime, Jazz, Starscream, Ironnhide, hell even Scorponok from Beast Wars. All are here yet no one can fucking tell who's who. This movie is a fucking injustice to the fans who have followed Transformers since the beginning. Michael Bay once again shows he's an utter failure as an artist and as a filmmaker. The only ones who retain any kind of integrity is ILM since they were just told what to do and Im sure what they did is amazing. But fuck me if I'm going to pay to see this shit, hell, I'm not even going to watch it if someone pays me. Seriously.
They promised it would cure cancer. It didn't. by Vern	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:14:17 PM
Okay, we have established that I am a hater who hated on stuff and just was hating all over and what not. Let me ask you guys this. What did you like about the movie? Give examples. Also, if you can tell the robots apart, please tell me who the different robots are, who fought who and what they looked like. But not if you are using reference materials or already knew their names going in, only if you can do this from having seen the movie once.
Any one else seen Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter? by The Dum Guy	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:15:15 PM
Now, that's a movie to watch with your' brain turned off, but I'll be damned if it wasn't a great movie about Christ killing (kinda) the undead.
Verm by ShogunMaster	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:16:58 PM
"I want a movie to be ENTERTAINING. To me it failed." That's fine. Hey, that is what movies are generally supposed to do. But I still think you are hating this movie because you hate the genre. It is supposed to be lite escapism. Nothing more. Maybe the big problem you had was that while most people who were watching it were escaping from their jobs, you just happened to be in the middle of work. I still say this movie gave just what was asked of it. If it's not your genre of movie, go watch Ratouille (watch out though, it also isn't Schindler's List)...
Thanks, Vern! Fuck leaving my brain at the door. by Spastic Retard	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:17:24 PM
That's the Transformers review I've been looking for. I've been ranting and raving on the same topics since seeing the midnight showing. "Stop over-analyzing it," big moronic sellout people say, "It's just a summer event flick." What the fuck is that supposed to mean? If summer event flicks suck, are we going to stop paying to see them? I remember when "Summer EVENT film" made me EXCITED to see the movie. Not bummed out. It used to be, "Summer event film? AWESOME." Now it's, "Shit -- it's another fucking summer event film???" I'm glad Vern brought up the product placements. Wish he spent even more time on them. The movie has so many ads the corporations should pay for our tickets AND suck our dicks just for watching this 2 and a half hour commercial. This movie had NO tension, NO character development, NO anything other than FX and corporate ads. Have we really fallen to this level? Is this all it takes to get us excited? Summer movies used to rule. So fuck all y'all telling me to turn my brain off and that's a "movie about robots." So was The Iron Giant and it was great.
I sound like your friend Vern by pjdon	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:17:45 PM
my favorite movie of the last few years was Spring, Summer, Autum, Winter and Spring and yet I love Bay films. Is it a purley infantile appreciation? Is it an ironic thing? Probably a bit of both. I love laughing at Bay films, waiting for the next 'Bay' moment or shot of an american flag. Maybe it's because i'm english and find the whole patriotic music video style so absurd that i can only laugh. All I know is that for all my taste and interest in the fine art of film I can't wait to see this piece of shit.
Hey sokitome or suckitonme or whatever... by HamsterDK	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:17:48 PM
The best reviews I have read of this movie where bad ones (Poland's one of them). I don't give a shit what reviewers think about any movie and I never participate in these talkbacks about the reviews. But as I said, anyone with a brain can tell Vern's sharade wasn't a review. Oh and my nephew is clearly more intelligent than you, so my arguments hold that water just fine.
Wow, that may be the best thing AICN has ever run. by Daddylonghead	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:18:23 PM
Seriously, Vern, this is your defining hour. What a truth-telling, bull-cutting fucking film review, amazing! If you were Theoden, this would be your battle of Helm's Deep, where you recite the ominous poem and ride out into battle gloriously. The excellence of this review actually improved my day, that's how good a review it was. It described the movie, it discussed the movie, it put the movie in context, it drew larger conclusions from the movie's example. Amazing, man, the bar has been raised!
Vern's reviews are the best on this site by Eh Nam1313	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:18:29 PM
I love this guys stuff yes I think he got it wrong on Transformer but Oh well. The man still writes good stuff and I think most people on this site look for Vern's review over Harry's(hell Harry's reviews suck and no one takes that man serious) So give Vern a break for not loving a Fucking great movie, well a good movie.
Cars turn into robots, for Christ sake!!! by Bluereader	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:19:05 PM
I always get pissed when people complain that things don't make sense in movies like these. Like when Vern writes, "I secured my brain safely in a locker at the Greyhound station like you're supposed to and I attempted to lower my standards." Dude, cars are turning into robots. I think you're standards are already too high if you think that a movie is going to convince you that this will truly happen. It's like when people complained about the odds of a meteor crashing right next to Peter Parker in Spiderman 3. You know what the odds are of a meteor crashig next to him? About the same as getting a spider bite and being able to climb up walls. So I say to you all, relax and enjoy robots beating the hell out of each other and enjoy all the clevage shots. (That's the other thing that gets on my nerves, when people complain about the actress in the movie with the big tits, saying that she can't act. Of course she can't act - she was cast because she has big knockers. If they wanted someone who could act, they'd get Meryl Streep, but who really wants to yank one off thinking of her.)
Hamster by Vern	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:19:33 PM
My personal agenda is that I love movies and hope for more quality storytelling and maybe a little vision. Even in these lowbrow and genre movies, because those are the ones I like most.
And if I left my brain at the by pjdon	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:19:54 PM
door it would defeat the purpose. I can only love Bay because I spent so long hating him. As I grew over the years to understand film I have found it easier to enjoy stuff that 5 years ago I wouldn't touch.
Too much time with the robots too much time with Shia. by Ky-El	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:19:57 PM
I haven't seen it but the negative reviews so far have been negative for opposite reasons. I'm having a hard time taking any of the positive or negative reviews seriously now. I guess people just can't think without bias whether it's you're for/against Bay or whether it's fanboy Transformers mentality on this film. I'll have to see it myself.
Billy Zane is Smaug. by MonteCristo	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:23:07 PM
Pass it on.
Good stuff mr Vern a bunch OF GOOD STUFF by Eh Nam1313	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:25:07 PM
First time Prime Transforms - Sam Buying the car - First fight scene with the Police car Baricade - Blaclout fucking shit up in the desert- Jazz the Autobot Breakdancinghe is the small sports car - Prime saying rollout gave me chills - Prime and Megatron fighting and prime says (One Shall Stand One Shall Fall)hell that had me jumping in the air. There is just to many good things to mention Vern just go see the thing again.
I bought the toys when I was little by YO MOM'S GOAT	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:25:36 PM
and watched the show religiously. I loved the movie. Just wish Jazz hadn't been killed and that we'd seen Iron Hide and Ratchet in action a bit more... they practically don't do anything. But c'mon, it's Transforming cars and trucks and tanks and F-22s! It was sweet. I don't care what stuck-up Michael Bay haters say. I also loved The Rock. But I hated Armageddon and agree with Vern's friend that Bad Boys 2 might be the most hateful movie I've ever seen. But I don't give it that as a badge of honor. Oh, and I thought the W. joke on AF1 was awfully forced. But c'mon, the Transformers were AWESOME!
Here is some art from a GENIUS artist... by tile_mcgillus	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:26:07 PM
This guy took the designs and bridged the gap between insanity and simplicity... Once again what could have been... Megatron Poster http://www.deviantart.com/ deviation/56142506/ His Gorgeous Soundwave http://www.deviantart.com/devi ation/50216886/ His Simple Ratchet update http://www.deviantart.com/devi ation/44036253/ Now I am just saying there there is a lot more potential there then what appeared on screen.
People are frightened because they know Vern is right. by Daddylonghead	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:26:37 PM
They sound like people who voted for Bush in 2004: defense and frightened. Or people who watch TV or read fashion magazines and when you ask them why, they say "OH, I ONLY DO IT SO I CAN KEEP TABS ON ALL THE TERRIBLE OUTRAGES THAT THEY ARE PERPETRATING. "
VERN YOU DON'T HAVE TO JUSTIFY YOURSELF TO THESE HATERS by BringingSexyBack	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:27:33 PM
Your review spoke for itself. MrFire obviously misses the point of AICN reviews. They're supposed to opine with unreserved, brutal honesty. If he wants to read a sedate review, let him read Roger Ebert. For the rest of us, we loves you the way you are. Just stay Vern, Vern.
I couldnt read Vern's review past the second paragraph by howaboutanicecupofgofuckyourself	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:27:41 PM
just sounded like a kid that didn't like what he got from santa or something. Christ.
Transformer opinions will be like the 2008 elections by howaboutanicecupofgofuckyourself	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:30:27 PM
everyone arrogantly refusing to budge on what they believe despite anything the other half of the nation says. That's some scary shit right there
Michael Bay GONNA EAT!!!!! by JaggedSac	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:32:45 PM
This movie rocked and is gonna make butt loads of money. And Vern, this movie is ten times better than Hollow Man 2 and Starship Troopers 2. As a matter of fact, I would rather watch a man shit in a bucket for 2 hours than watch Hollow Man 2 again.
Vern - agree, i love this genre too by pjdon	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:32:54 PM
and from any other director I would except more. Idealy all films like this should be handled with the care that Speilberg, Jackson and Cameron lavish them. But Bay is the furthest extreme you can imagine from the artistic element of film. And without that the world would feel empty to me. I like the fact that we have a director like Bay who represents the lowest common denominator, the bottom of the barrel, the anti-christ. I'm glad there is better directors but they can still exsist along side Bay. It's like a beautiful reminder of how bad film can be and I would be sad without that reminder. Can anyone actually say they would like it if there was no such thing as bad films? What would we compare the good stuff to? What would we laugh at?
VERN YOU ARE THE BEST! by Luvs269er	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:35:09 PM
Thanks for having the guts (and the taste) for calling this movie out for the piece of steaming crap that it is! You "Rock" (and not in a Michael Bay movie kind of way)!
hey hamster dick by sokitome	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:35:12 PM
about your nephew being smarter than me i ask this: do what vern said, pick out each robot in each scene and tell me if your nephew can 1, tell me which robot is which and 2 get it right? cuz unless u had access to the film projector and go scene by scene there's no fucking way you could verify what your nephew saw or got right. Hey your nephew maybe smarter than me, i have a Masters Degree in history btw, but I am obviously a hell of alot smarter than you.
oh and hamster dick by sokitome	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:38:05 PM
it's spelled c-h-a-r-a-d-e you dumb fuck
howaboutanicecupofgofuckyourself by ShogunMaster	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:39:23 PM
"Transformer opinions will be like the 2008 elections Transformer opinions will be like the 2008 elections everyone arrogantly refusing to budge on what they believe despite anything the other half of the nation says." You seem to be exactly the polar opposite of what I am saying, so I'll answer you. You see, this is a Summer Popcorn Movie. It doesn't effect the next four years or taxes and wars at all. It's pure escapism and is meant to shield us from those horrible realities of the future. It's just a movie; not an important one. But it is fun. Just like porn, it's supposed to get your fluids going. You don't even have to remember what just transpired before once you're done. Just clean up your mess and get on with your day, washed in the afterglow of a good time. Vern seems to think that a Popcorn Movie is supposed to change his Religion. Nope. Just blow your load and walk away. Don't even have to snuggle after.
Vern I WILL quote :Car parts rolling down a hill by Stormwatcher	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:39:51 PM
Whether I end up loving the movie or not that will be the line I tell the people at work, to make myself look cool and witty. Taking total credit away from you. That said, I might just buy your book as clearly unlike '500 movies you must see' I probably haven't seen the movies your reviewing and will probably enjoy them more than the films themselves. That said, what about fantasy casting for Go Bots the Movie?
shogunmaster by sokitome	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:45:24 PM
so that's YOUR definition of a popcorn flick. if YOu want stupid shit then fine but don't be saying all summer popcorn flicks have to be stupid, and btw there are shitloads of movie makers who became movie makers after watching Star Wars (popcorn flick) there are people who are now in NASA because of STAR WARS and STAR TREK and other "popcorn" flicks. BECAUSE good movies are good movies wether they have action or no action, wether they're summer popcorn flicks or arthouse flicks. so please that argument of it's just a "popcorn" flick has been used to death and VERN even addressed it.
Finally! by notarydpo	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:45:44 PM
Someone has finally said it! Transformers sucked in every way imaginable.
Vern, this is the reason why movies fail today... by Psalmolive	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:46:21 PM
What we are dealing with is a paradigmatical shift in the form of cinema. We are dealing with a spectacle-based cinema instead of a story and character based cinema. A lot of this has to do with the VFX and computer advances. However, if you notice the filmstock has changed as well, and with 2K and now 4K colour correction processes, you have a homogenity of cinema as it stands right now. Look at a great robot film like T2- what you have is intelligently designed action sequences with technical advances that were researched and created to AID THE STORY. That's the beauty and genius of James Cameron. Now, Michael Bay, coming from a commercial background, which is essentially a bunch of memorable shots, is not a storyteller, and not an innovator. Michelangelo and Leonardo were innovators. They were architects and artists. They were firmly rooted in the advancement of the medium. They didn't do it for fame and prestige like Michael Bay's reasoning for making films. Michaelangelo didn't say "wow, painting the Sistine Chapel would be really fucking cool" they did it because they had a virtuous artistic reason. They had to do it to push themselves as artists- it was a catharsis. What we have today in cinema is MTV style cutting and shooting, a deadening of the medium. Michael Bay didn't innovate, he built on the VFX that currently exist, BUT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING PAINT (like James Cameron, both figuratively and literally) he can only ever strive to be a shadow of derivative. The medium is becoming bereft of artists and storytellers who can legitimately move the medium forward instead of being a bunch of fucking posers. There are no more Fellinis, and if there are, no studio will back them. Yet those artists of times long since past are revered by film historians and film guilds. So they honor the old guard well telling it to fuck off in the present because, as Michael Bay embodies, it is the corporatization of an artform. I can remember reading all the stories about how well Transformers "tested". Bullshit. You don't make films by committee and you don't make films for corporate sponsors. In fact, there hasn't been an actual "film" made in years. As you mentioned, we haven't even had "movies" made in years- each idea new, interesting and stimulating. Even in the art world we are facing films which have to fit within the acceptable paramaters of "fringe". So on both ends, we have massive polarization, with no middle ground. No more Orson Welles, hell, no more John McTiernan or Philip Noyce. Just fuck it all to hell and collect your paycheck- that's the world we live in now. When the public pays to see a piece of garbage such as this, it shows true cynicism as we witness the death throes of a once vibrant medium, and Michael Bay is the Jack Kevorkian.
The adlibbing was bad, Decepticons needed development by George Newman	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:48:11 PM
And the Decepticons needed to be shown Actually plotting and interacting with each other. Half of them just appear out of NO WHERE. There was never a since that they were working together to find Megatron and the Allspark. All of the obnoxious horsing around and "humor" digressions should have been cut out and replaced by Decepticon development. I'm sure there will be an extended cut; hopefully they will fill in the Decepticon gaps.
OH Whatever! this movie kicked ass!! by jojo-pimp	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:49:00 PM
Enough of the damn "micheal bay sucks" bandwagon shit...its gettin pretty old! people were cheering during the movie, applauding at the end, and having a great time!
Vern got it 100% right by Doctor_Sin	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:51:24 PM
On ALL counts. Good job, man.
Vern you made me want to see this! by Neil McCauleys Crew	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:54:01 PM
Holy shit I got to see the trainwreck this thing has become. I'll just thing back on this review and have grand old time while having paid a ticket for Die Hard 4.
Offended on behalf of a movie? by TELF	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:54:29 PM
A movi by a director who clearly respects neither his audience or his source material? That is so wierd. I can understand defending a misunderstood gem, but this cynical exercise? Is this really the Transformers movie you were hoping for? Is it even half as good as it could have been? Be honest. Or is it just riding off the good will of cherished childhood memories and amazing effects? And the "But my kid loved it" gambit is no good. We love all kinds of unmitigated shit when we are young, doesn't make it good. Before you whine at someone pointing out the willful mediocrity of this film, just consider the film you could have gotten.
I'm a fan of G1 by Arashikage	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:55:22 PM
Own the first season on DVD and the 1986 movie. G1 designs in this movie would have looked gay as hell. Thank god Optimus wasn't that flat front rig. He looked cool as hell in this movie and that would have sucked. And thank freakin' God that Bumble bee wasn't a fucking VW beetle seeing the camaro next to the beetle in the movie really makes you see how the bad he would have been as a beetle. Original doesn't=flawless. The original designs weren't that good. They were upgraded.
jojo-pimp by BadMrWonka	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:55:34 PM
people like blood sausage too, people are morons...
The tards are crawling out of the primordial shit by BringingSexyBack	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:55:49 PM
to bash Vern. As evidenced by budbundy1978's post.
Sokitome by ShogunMaster	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:55:54 PM
Star Wars, Star Trek, etc are exactly the same. They are mindless action pics. I'm a big Star Wars fan, but even I admit that without the John Williams music in the background, it's just as simple as any other 'Popcorn Flick' (tm). They are fun, they take you out of your daily grind, and they entertain. Dude, I think you agree with me more than you think. If you want to go have a depressing dose of reality, click on the DrudgeReport. Oh hey look, Russia is setting up a new Cold War, China is also getting ready to attack us, our war in Iraq is still shit-bad. Pretty crappy, n'est pas? Now we crack into the Omni-plex with a bag of Sour Kids and a Large Mountain Dew. WoW! Robots smashing the crap out of each other. Reminds me of the fun I had in my childhood while watchin' Star Wars. Luke didn't have a soliloquy and Optimus doesn't either. Neither were supposed to.
Perfect Review Vern. by mindgrapes	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:56:03 PM
how anyone over the age of 10 could of loved this film is a mystery to me.
Don't Watch Transformers, It Sucks, Watch Hollow Man 2 by JaggedSac	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:56:24 PM
Vern is so right. Walking Tall 2, Hollow Man 2, Starship Troopers 2 == good movies. Fuck this guy loves the cinema. I mean these movies are what film is all about. They didn't make these sequels to exploit the titles and rake in some dollars. Vern is right about everything. Movies are about art and substance and human emotions and Walking Tall 2 has it in spades. GO fuck yourself Vern and then watch some sci-fi originals, they seem to be up your alley.
hey jojo by sokitome	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:57:31 PM
so people cheering is the gauge of a movie, ok i can accept that. I saw it in a college theater with a bunch of teenagers and twenty somethings, only about a third of the crowd laughed and at the end only about a third applauded so what does that say?
Telling robots apart by Arashikage	Jul 3rd, 2007 08:58:29 PM
Megatron and starscream looked too much alike and their characters and personalities should have been a lot more in the movie. Other than that I thought every robot was recognizable.
Robot designs were simply "Varying Shades of Squiggle" by George Newman	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:00:18 PM
If one of the Transformers stood squarely in front of the camera, held still and simply waved his arm across his body, visually it would get lost in the "squiggle" robot design. That's all the designs were: varying shades of Squiggle. One of the most visually frustrating moments in the film is when Megatron grapples with Optimus. They tumble and do barrel rolls, crash into stuff and things explode, but the image is as tangled as a rat's nest. The designs were just too "complex." The robots should have been a little more simple, blocky and (as ridiculous as this may sound) more brightly colored. Strongly contrasting colors are just more effective than muted ones.
I dont think Vern can fit anymore mouths on his penis by Fridge	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:00:32 PM
But don't worry, Eli Roth will be here as back-up shortly. Anyone who says a person is a "failure to humanity", or whatever the fuck it was Vern said up there while throwing his little temper-tantrum, because they liked a movie about robots (a movie based off a TOY LINE) needs to pull that nine foot long pole out of their ass (or in this case, Eli Roth's dick). Keep on sucking Hollywood's dick, AICN, it's not like you have any morals or values or anything left.
I just got off the phone with Jim Belushi... by Uncle Stan	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:00:55 PM
and he claims Micheal Bay watches REBA religiously.
New rule: no calling each other idiots or morons by Vern	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:00:56 PM
Optimus Prime says that we humans are "a violent race," which is kind of hypocritical for some guys with guns growing out of their hands. Those space savages will never learn to stop fighting, so let me refer to the X-MEN pictures instead. Dr. X-Man and Magneto disagree with each other, but they still respect each other and play chess together. Let's all be friends even if we are all so god damn wrong about this movie. p.s. It just occurred to me. Is Mega-Tron a transformer? Did he ever transform? Or is he just a robot?
Excessive comedy is such bullshit! damn straight. by scottylans	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:00:59 PM
I haven't even seen this movie and your review just sums up about 50% of the latest 'blockbusters' for the past 5 years to me. The whole comedy relief has to be done right, in moderation etc. Look at the little black guy in the limo in Die Hard or McLane's quips - they were funny and not all the time and well - they were well written! I was tempted to see this movie but after this review - fuckit, I'll go see Die Hard instead. Thanks for telling it like it is.
Psalmolive - I agree with what you say to by pjdon	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:01:57 PM
a point but i think there are just as many good films made today as ever. The difference is the marketing. In the 70's studios marketed films such as The Godfather and Taxi Driver. Films of the same quality are still made but they are not billed as big releases. If one where to choose movies based on advertising and box office charts then all you would see is films like TF and Little Man. If like me, you read film magazines and try to find the good films then you will find that we have never lived in such a rich time for the medium of film.
ShogunMaster... by TELF	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:02:09 PM
Sarcasm is hard to judge in TBs. But yours was dripping in it, right? Right....?
shogunmaster by sokitome	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:02:34 PM
are u fucking kidding me? you're comparing TRANSFORMERS to STARWARS. I guess you didn't see the political parralels in star wars (even the original trilogy). I guess you missed all the zen philosophy that was also in star wars or star trek that was very topical and very current in it's stories (revenge, saving the environment, individuality vs. borg collective mentality)... your arguement is completely ridiculous, if you honestly can compare TRANSFORMERS to those two movies then....well fuck that's just stupid!
Calm down guys by lost.rules	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:04:35 PM
It's a movie. If you'd rather watch something intelligent, I reccomend Ratatouille
"Is this really the by JaggedSac	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:04:41 PM
"Is this really the Transformers movie you were hoping for? Is it even half as good as it could have been? Be honest. Or is it just riding off the good will of cherished childhood memories and amazing effects? " "And the "But my kid loved it" gambit is no good. We love all kinds of unmitigated shit when we are young, doesn't make it good." TERF couldn't Transformers be some of that unmitigated shit you loved as a child. It wasn't a good cartoon, they made good changes. Get over shit you loved as a kid.
oh and sokitome by Kanossssss	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:04:53 PM
It's spelled w-h-e-t-h-e-r you dumb shit. Christ I hate pedants, and people who like to spruik their qualifications.
What if in a NFL game, both teams wore Navy blue? by George Newman	Jul 3rd, 2007 09:05:27 PM
You wou

Talkbacks

Vern vs. TRANSFORMERS - One shall stand and one shall fall...