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Massawyrm Sees FANTASTIC FOUR: ROTS And Declares: MEMFLIX WAS RIGHT!!

FIRST!!! by Jellylover	Jun 15th, 2007 08:29:21 AM
And crap...I really had hopes for this one. Atleast the new bat-suit looks bad ass or my day would be normal...what?
MEMFLIX is da F----n' MAN!!! by C00L DUD3	Jun 15th, 2007 08:32:44 AM
Second is the best...
O.k by killing joker	Jun 15th, 2007 08:33:59 AM
This is getting very confusing. Is this film shit or not. No matter, I only go to the flicks once a month at best, I'll stick with transformers. Oh, and I rewatched the first one a couple of nights ago and I actually enjoyed it. Am I going insane?
lol by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 08:34:30 AM
"So imagine my surprise when this movie not only starts off on the wrong foot, but hops on it the whole way." hilarious
Memflix and the 7000 MySpace friends of doom by NachoNegro	Jun 15th, 2007 08:34:33 AM
Hate me for saying this if you want, but he signed a contract specifically agreeing we wouldn't do it, and he f*cking ignored it and went ahead and did it anyway. Fox were harsh, but perfectly within their rights to ask for his removal. I'm sorry Memflix, but there's a lesson here - don't sh1t on your own doorstep.
Look, you don't need to be... by Oceanlizard	Jun 15th, 2007 08:34:47 AM
a fan to know that there are severe problems with FF:ROTS. So please stop talking down to those of us who are not fanboys of every damn movie that comes out.
Still Going... by BanAllFIRSTPosters	Jun 15th, 2007 08:36:19 AM
It's like a car wreck, I just can't look away.
It sucks? How shocking. by Movietool	Jun 15th, 2007 08:36:44 AM
You mean they couldn't salvage the steaming turd of a setup from the first movie into something good? Amazing.
so who do we believe Harry or Massa? by ilander66	Jun 15th, 2007 08:37:14 AM
lets see Harry liked the film hes an uber geek and knows loads about film etc. hang on he thought that Jar Jar Binks was cool and did not ruin Star Wars....I think that says it all.
Thought so... by Jakes Nel	Jun 15th, 2007 08:37:28 AM
Can't wait to see it. I love bad movies.
I will see this...but I don't really want to by Sparhawk38	Jun 15th, 2007 08:37:57 AM
I don't even like the cg look of the SS. I think Massawyrm is right. Films have to get the soul right on these iconic stories and characters. Miscasting and mediocre scripts kill it. eeewww...Mr. Happy rock joke...blek
F4 was a fun film and X3 was a fun summer blockbuster by UserIDGoesHere	Jun 15th, 2007 08:38:01 AM
I feel so sorry for people who can't see that. Already got my ticket for F42 tonight!
Really, did we expect anything else? by greyspecter	Jun 15th, 2007 08:38:15 AM
If it turns out to be even half as good as the first two chapters in Spiderman or the Xmen series, or Batman Begins, I would have dropped dead on the spot. Here's a thought: have a comic book fan do the movies, not a movie maker who's totally soul-sold to Hollywood.
memflix is an asshole and so are you.......... by JeanLuc Dickhard	Jun 15th, 2007 08:38:38 AM
of course everyone on this site will back what memflix was saying.... did massa like hostel 2 as well ?
like we all didn't see this by nostatic	Jun 15th, 2007 08:39:37 AM
like we all didn't see this coming.
ilander66 by NachoNegro	Jun 15th, 2007 08:40:56 AM
Harry has not written a credible review on this site for 5 years plus. His reviews are bought by the highest bidder - no doubt Tim Story offered to let Harry get him a coffee, and all of a sudden Harry loves the film. At least Massa has got the bollocks to stand up and say the film was shit - Harry will never tell you that, because he's too busy being Spit-roasted by Tim Story and Eli Roth. Bottom line - listen to Massas review.
I'm not getting on this wagon... by somaobi	Jun 15th, 2007 08:41:47 AM
Is the movie perfect, not even a little bit...they still have yet to make one of the most badass villians ever the Dr. Doom we deserve to see, but all things considered, I was thoroughly entertained and surprised by this FF. I thought the whole cast was better, I didn't want to barf on my dick due to any particularly terrible dialogue, and over-all, I simply had fun with this not-9-hour-long popcorn fare. It was certainly a million times better than the abortion that was Spider-Man 3... PS -- Wah wah to Memflix...who gives a shit...
I am not seeing this. by tile_mcgillus	Jun 15th, 2007 08:45:15 AM
Not after Spider-man 3. I don't need anything else to ruin my summer. What the fucking hell happened marvel. Fuck this I'm out! If Jonnie Fauvs fucks up Iron Man I am quitting the world.
MEMFLIX.... by lost.rules	Jun 15th, 2007 08:45:59 AM
Victory Will Be Yours!!!!! Let's hope it has a shitty weekend at the box-office. ALL HAIL MEMFLIX! Oh, and FUCK FOX!
I keep telling everybody this will suck by vanfan	Jun 15th, 2007 08:46:19 AM
Or, at least I meant to tell them. Blame on
ROTS? i didnt know the sith was in fantastic four! by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 08:50:52 AM
when did this happen?
What's wrong with a little "Thing's dork is made by Borgnine JR	Jun 15th, 2007 08:51:50 AM
of Rock" joke? Personally I'm more curious about what his poop looks like. As far as this review goes, Massa has always been a Film Fundamentalist so take it witht he proverbial grain.
More polarizing than The Sopranos finale? by tonagan	Jun 15th, 2007 08:52:03 AM
(alternate subject header: "Waaaah!")
BILL COSBY WAS RIGHT. by DanDelion	Jun 15th, 2007 08:52:15 AM
Memflix agrees!
Best review I've read yet! by Franklin T Marmoset	Jun 15th, 2007 08:52:26 AM
Nice work, Massawyrm. The more it pisses off the comic geek types, the more I know I'll like it. Gods bless and praise you, Tim Story, for not giving a fuck about the 'soul' of this silly bunch of nonsense. Less than two hours until I see FF 2 and I'm already excited about FF 3!
Maybe they should cancel this and turn it into a comic. by tonagan	Jun 15th, 2007 08:52:58 AM
Oh wait...
I don't generally trust Massa... by stones_throw	Jun 15th, 2007 08:53:47 AM
I think he tends to write reviews for the effect they'll have. I'm willing to trust Harry that this is a solid 3 out of five. From the trailers it seems they've at least got the Surfer and the threat to the Earth right.
If you want to see a far superior version... by greyspecter	Jun 15th, 2007 08:56:33 AM
...of Marvel's First Family, watch the Incredibles. Still remains in my top five of comic book superhero movies. Captures the fun and the serious aspects so much better than 9-10ths of the offal shoveled down our throats by Hollywood.
Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-Film... by jimmy rabbitte	Jun 15th, 2007 08:57:01 AM
...I'm still laughing, Massawyrm. As I figured this film lacks all entertainment value. Why wouldn't it? The first one absolutely sucked. Atleast I had a good time reading your review. The problem is, this movie will likely be in one of the top two spots for the weekend. Well... there's no accounting for taste. Maybe, in the next one, they can have The Thing go all "Vic Mackey" on someone.
well spidey 3 had a great first half and great action by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 09:07:05 AM
but the whole black suit potrayed as a dancing abilty enhancer is when things got weird
If you want to see a funnier version... by Franklin T Marmoset	Jun 15th, 2007 09:07:08 AM
of Marvel's first family, check out the Roger Corman-produced film. Dr Doom is hilarious in that one. Whoever's playing him can't act with his mask on, so he compensates by gesturing wildly with his arms a lot and then wiggling his fingers about for emphasis. Very funny. Also, if you're a Buffy fan, Mercedes McNab is in it. She's quite young, though, so no looking at her boobs.
^ as i just said in the other rotss talkback by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 09:07:33 AM

Indeed... by Quintus_Arrius	Jun 15th, 2007 09:09:55 AM
.. I am sad. I hoped that this movie wouldn't suck... Alas.
Doesn't Buick make the Fantastic Car? by DarfurOnTheRocks	Jun 15th, 2007 09:13:53 AM
I was talking to my brother and we discussed the state of the Big 3. The main problem is that their cars are still not to the level of Toyota or Honda. The other problem is that EVERY F*&king car commercial of theirs have the cars driving up walls, falling through the Earth, and generally doing shit that so fantastical that they do not showcase the true car capabilities at all. I will not be watching this movie in honour of Memflix. Fox can eat a dick....straight up.
the roger corman version is hilarious! by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 09:14:53 AM
dr doom spells out words with his fingers, mr.fantastic trips people by stertching his legs,then looks around in a very stupid way like he didnt do it, theres a shot from alcia masters point of view. nice idea for a low budget movie, BUT ISNT SHE FUCKING BLIND?!?!? and the human torch races a laser, which makes absolutely no fucking sense at all. SINCE WHEN CAN A PERSON TRAVEL FASTER THEN THE SPEED OF FUCKING LIGHT?
and when sue storm discovers shes invisble by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 09:18:16 AM
the lower half of her body is invisble and the upper half isnt and it looks like shes 8 feet tall.
and when sue storm discovers shes invisble by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 09:18:16 AM
the lower half of her body is invisble and the upper half isnt and it looks like shes 8 feet tall.
A message to DC Comics/Warner Bros.... by Abin Sur	Jun 15th, 2007 09:20:38 AM
...beat 'em while they're down! With the so-so Spiderman 3 and what looks to be a very lousy FF2, NOW is the time to slap around Marvel Comics with some kickass movies - Dark Knight, for sure, hopefully Superman: The Man of Steel (if Singer's promise to go Wrath of Khan is true) and speed up production on the Justice League and Teen Titans movies (with GOOD talent attached to direct, PLEASE GOD). DC has always had more EPIC heroes, so lets see some EPIC movies!
Jessica Alba: Sellout of the Year? by TheGhostWhoLurks	Jun 15th, 2007 09:21:06 AM
Maybe they can put her in blackface to play Storm in the next X-Men flick. It's the same thing. What a pathetic waste of a perfectly hot latina...
As much as I wanted to see this... by mr dark	Jun 15th, 2007 09:26:20 AM
I won't be there this weekend or next... Giving Fox your duckets is like handing your rapist a jar of vaseline... It wont hurt as much but your still getting fucked. MEMFLIX LIVES....
TheGhostWhoLurks by Rupee88	Jun 15th, 2007 09:28:14 AM
Jessica Alba is not a "sellout"...you have to be an artist to sell out. She's been a cute little whore from the start and that's what she still is. Nothing wrong with whores...I love them and I pay them sometimes, but they are still whores.
chiklis by blacklodgebob	Jun 15th, 2007 09:28:50 AM
I saw an interview where he said he had to go into therapy in order to deal with being in the thing costume, and that it was a huge strain on his family. I'm betting it totally is in his contract to turn back to human a certain amount.
Did anyone really think it would be good? by ls420	Jun 15th, 2007 09:34:21 AM
i mean come on, this is the "wal-mart" of comic book movies.
I just watched Ghost Rider by erichaislar	Jun 15th, 2007 09:36:58 AM
And holy shit was that just god awful talk about taking a character and showing him no love at all. everything about that movie blew. Except Sam Elliott. I could watch that man read a cereal box. FF$ 2 has to be better then that trash.
Let Fox burn in hell by jro123	Jun 15th, 2007 09:38:58 AM
This is indeed a slap in the face to fans and regular movie-goers. I hope this bombs at the box office so the can finally remake this franchise the right way
Of course it's crap! It looked it from the start! by kevred	Jun 15th, 2007 09:40:29 AM
Every moment of every trailer has told us all that it's crap! I'm glad to see we're finally getting confirmation, but for chrissakes...you could tell from the first glance at the first footage of the first film that they had completely screwed up the FF, launching it as a second-rate, no-name popcorn franchise when it could have (and should have) been the jewel in the crown of Marvel flicks. Imagine this Tim Story bullshit had never happened, and we had a top-drawer film with A-list acting talent, a talented director who really got it, and effects that were better than Sci-Fi Channel quality. Haven't X-Men, Spidey, and Batman Begins taught the studios anything? You get what you pay for!
Solarbabies by Spandau Belly	Jun 15th, 2007 09:44:06 AM
just putting it out there again.
MASSA gives the comicFan review, which is important by George Newman	Jun 15th, 2007 09:46:30 AM
With comic movies, there is always a standard(the original books) to hold the films to. Harry, often contradicting himself, will separate book from film. It shows the movie GRACE when viewers should not have to be gracious in the first place. It is a testament to the film's weakness and failures if a viewer is going to first have to have a forgiving mindset, before entering the theater. IT'S A BUNCH OF CRAP. Make a good movie!
yeah ok... by radjac33	Jun 15th, 2007 09:48:23 AM
Its still better than Emo-Man 3.
Massawyrm you are vile by kafka07	Jun 15th, 2007 09:51:44 AM
and that's why we worship you. Hail the Massawyrm!
why is this the only thing coming out this weekend? by supermarch	Jun 15th, 2007 09:53:38 AM
Who blew who to lock that down?
better than Emo-Man 3 but by kafka07	Jun 15th, 2007 09:53:46 AM
not as good as Encino-Man
When Marvel gets to Captain America ... by Boris Baddenov	Jun 15th, 2007 09:54:07 AM
As a movie, I pray that they don't try to steer him stupid, like make him the Red Skull's long-lost twin brother, or (hasn't this been done ALREADY?) spend most of his heroics in street clothes, eh, Matt Salinger???
Memflix's 7000 MySpace friends... by NachoNegro	Jun 15th, 2007 09:55:05 AM
...had best club together to buy him a new projector. That is all I have to say about that.
I am very suprsed(not) that site didnt cover the news by emeraldboy	Jun 15th, 2007 10:00:35 AM
that one Marvels founders, Stan lee has just signed a deal to make movies with Disney. A Marvel and Miramax team up. WOW!
DC might over take marvel by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 10:02:15 AM
with the spidey franchise looking finshed for a while, x-men lost, fantasic four considered shit by fans, even blade done, daredevil, elektra, and ghost rider with all shitty movies, it looks like its time for dc to be crowned king. with two great no AMAZING batman and (yes ill say it even though you aicn guys will hate me for it) superman entries and making bank (bb 205mil u.s. 371 worldwide, sr 200 mil u.s. 391 worldwide) tdk looking great, and superman getting ready to throw a punch for the first time in years and many more movies starting up DC IS LOOKING GREAT.
Hmmm... by Colin62	Jun 15th, 2007 10:02:26 AM
The movie was cheesy. But not half as cheesy as the fucking comic. Guys this is a super hero team with a cheerleader handshake. And at least Galactus wasn't wearing a penis outfit like he does in the comics.
AND MARVEL HELP YOURSELF BY CASTING TERRY CREWS AS by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 10:03:21 AM
luke cage not fucking tyresse
"this movie not only starts off on the wrong foot, by Farley Flavors	Jun 15th, 2007 10:03:35 AM
but hops on it the whole way." Great line, Massa.
GurEzon by emeraldboy	Jun 15th, 2007 10:04:26 AM
in repsonse I would add that Universal tried that with Ang Lees Hulk. ANd look at the audience repsonse: Minority(loved it) Majority(hated it). Now the Majority are going to get a less sophisticated Hulk film.
Jessica Alba does not want to be Latin (quotes) by JeanLuc Dickhard	Jun 15th, 2007 10:07:21 AM
My grandfather was the only Mexican at his college, the only Hispanic person at work and the only one at the all-white country club. He tried to forget his Mexican roots, because he never wanted his kids to be made to feel different in America. He and my grandmother didn't speak Spanish to their children. Now, as a third-generation American, I feel as if I have finally cut loose." "My whole life, when I was growing up, not one race has ever accepted me, ... So I never felt connected or attached to any race specifically. I had a very American upbringing, I feel American, and I don't speak Spanish. So, to say that I'm a Latin actress, OK, but it's not fitting; it would be insincere." "My grandfather was the only one in our family to go to college. He made a choice not to speak Spanish in the house. He didn't want his kids to be different." "George Lopez starts speaking to my father in Spanish, and my dad says, 'I don't speak Mexican.' I turned purple. I love my papa. But he has no filter. I probably acquired that characteristic from him." "Alba is my last name and I'm proud of that. But that's it. My grandparents were born in California, the same as my parents, and though I may be proud of my last name, I'm American. Throughout my whole life, I've never felt connected connected to one particular race or heritage, nor did I feel accepted by any. If you break it down, I'm less Latina than Cameron Diaz, whose father is Cuban. But people don't call her Latina because she's blonde." in my opinion this is a fucked up attitude to have ....
FF was juvenile in the first place... by Batutta	Jun 15th, 2007 10:08:17 AM
...as are most comic books. I'm not defending this movie, or the piece of crap first one, but let's be honest. What's more juvenile than films based on cartoons and comic books? Criticizing a comic book movie for being juvenile is like criticizing a porno film for being too explicit. I know we try and delude ourselves with films like Batman Begins and 300 that make us think we're adults when we watch this stuff, but we're still getting off on a guy dressed up as a bat beating people up and a bunch of men playing with swords.
Americans have no taste and no culture by Gothmoth	Jun 15th, 2007 10:08:37 AM
... no wonder that these brainless idiots will love such a stupid movie.
The way things are going with DC comic book movies by emeraldboy	Jun 15th, 2007 10:11:02 AM
and with Joss Whedon off the Wonderwoman movie(thank god) and potential franchise in the offing and supergirl landing in smallville(giver her a spin off series). DC are beating Marvel to a pulp. Taking back the characters to thier roots is perhaps the best idea in the long run for comic books movies and I know how some hate that but I think its a great idea.
Whose photo is that? by Stalin vs Predator	Jun 15th, 2007 10:11:18 AM
The one on the wall... Is that Galactus?
Oh God LOL by Robots In Das Guys	Jun 15th, 2007 10:13:09 AM
Great review, Massa, I know that Harry is probably full of shit, I'm about to read his review of this crap!!
im puerto rican and i love it by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 10:13:13 AM
its pretty cool
GurzEon by NachoNegro	Jun 15th, 2007 10:13:16 AM
Ang Lee's Hulk was a troubled film, but I'd hardly call it a clusterf*ck. With that one comment, you have just revealed yourself as a complete and total tool.
Some of the imagery makes me want to see it by superninja	Jun 15th, 2007 10:15:56 AM
but they're putting the best stuff in the trailers. Ioan was doing a promo interview and it was like the guy couldn't even really find anything meaningful to say about his character. And the guy is so likeable, he's talking about HOPING Reed evolves into a real man and a real hero. Well, that was the character originally, Ioan, so you're on to something! What a shame.
Dem shud have let da Bay direct tis' by Kragmose	Jun 15th, 2007 10:16:23 AM
Den dem jerks wuld not be in dis mess-a
Even as a child by DeadPanWalking	Jun 15th, 2007 10:17:14 AM
I found the fantastic 4 to be rediculous. Didn't the thing turn into Blackbeard the pirate in one of the first issues? Didn't they fight gorilla versions of themselves on the moon? I always thought it asked for a laughable amount of suspended disbelief. I don't understand why this material is so revered. It always screamed "goofy" to me. Don't get me started on the Silver Surfer and (and I'm having trouble restraining my laughter here) Galactus. Did anyone really expect this comic to translate to film as a broodingly serious examination of whatever it's supposed to stand for (I guess some sort of family angle but The Incredibles handled this well enough to just shelve any further attempts, and still in both cases this plays straight to children.)Anyway, the only good way to make a movie about these characters is to go psychodelic and hire Gilliam or something and don't even TRY to make them exist in any sort of realistic world. Bring in the Skrull cows and H.E.R.B.I.E. and let em take on the gorillas and the giant purple planet eater and why not introduce the kid that Reed and Sue have and give him some pod races or something.
Jean Luc Dickhard-- by Batutta	Jun 15th, 2007 10:21:01 AM
That's not a fucked up opinion, she's just being brutally honest. I myself am Dominican, but grew up in a white predominantly Jewish suburb. My parents never hid their heritage or were ashamed of it the way Alba's parents were, but I never grew up feeling like I "belonged" to any one race. I was just an individual, and the place I grew up in and the friends I had (white, black, Japanese, mexican) made me much more who I am than my race. This is a common sentiment among many young people who grow up in the de-racinated suburbs of today's America.
Fantastic Four for kids = Nipples on Memflix by NachoNegro	Jun 15th, 2007 10:22:27 AM
No way. The FF had their dodgy moments, as did all the silver age heroes. But the "coming of Galactus" arc is one of the most revered stories in the genre, and for good reason. And they've fcked it up - just as they fcked up the Dark Phoenix storyline. You have to understand, they don't need to pay proper homage to the characters. THEY KNOW YOU'LL BUY THE TICKET ANYWAY EVEN IF THEY DON'T. So why should they bother?
DeadPanWalking, because for all of the corny by superninja	Jun 15th, 2007 10:25:06 AM
moments every comic book character has (and they all have them) there are some really great stories in there that stand the test of time and are akin to modern myths. They resonate with people and the thoughts they generate and the ideas they represent have actually inspired people.
Flames on GurzEon = Memflix's 7000 MySpace friends by NachoNegro	Jun 15th, 2007 10:27:17 AM
I'm not defending the Hulk - there was a lot wrong with it - a LOT. But it wasn't a complete clusterfck. The comic book split screen style I liked, Sam Elliot was fantastic, And I didn't mind the general thrust of where Lee was going with the film. I just think he screwed up too many things - The Absorbing Man, Hulk Dogs, etc., and tried to be a little too* clever. But a clusterf*ck? No. I won't have that. It could have been an awful lot worse.
Meh. by Pompoulus	Jun 15th, 2007 10:28:42 AM
My father's a F4 fan, if he insists I'll see it. If not, not. Still haven't seen the first one-- I actually warned him not to bother BECAUSE he's a F4 fan. I would hate to see him on here TBing about how his childhood was raped, that would be truly therapy-inducing.
GurzEon's flaming nipples = Harry's Hostel 2 Review by NachoNegro	Jun 15th, 2007 10:32:33 AM
PLANT!
Alba looks stupid. She is much prettier just by superninja	Jun 15th, 2007 10:32:41 AM
looking like herself and I agree with Mass they should've just let it go and created an actual character for her instead of focusing on her appearance.
Alba looks like she lives on the dark side of by superninja	Jun 15th, 2007 10:35:01 AM
the moon in this movie.
ALBA IS STILL FUCK WORTHY IN THIS MOVIE by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 10:37:55 AM
admit it. wait dont admit, because we all know its true.
Demand a remake! by jro123	Jun 15th, 2007 10:38:07 AM
Guys lets get together like we did after Batman and Robin and demand a real F4 movie, with a real director a good screenwriter and good actors. If we show Fox that this is what fans want to see they'll make it happen. They would never turn down a new franchise
DeadPanWalking by SlickyVonBoner	Jun 15th, 2007 10:43:43 AM
Right on. Everyone wants there favorite cartoon/comic book to be the next Lord of the Ring Trilogy or something. Lets face it, somethings don't translate well to the big screen and the writers and directors are trying to make fun summer movies. They are also introducing these stories and characters to a new generation of kids that don't read comic books. I also like how everyone's busting on Harry for liking a movie none of them have seen yet. Fuck, some of you people just try to damn hard to hate.... anything.
im sorry but the first half of spidey 3 and all of the by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 10:45:48 AM
action makes it better than f4 2 by default. sorry! it was a soul crushing dissapointment though.
your review is funny.... by yeah i'm a jerk!	Jun 15th, 2007 10:51:08 AM
but it seems that I disagree with you. FF2 is a fun movie, not perfect, not the greatest ever, but a fun movie. Julian McMahon sucks more than any other actor on the planet, Fuck him! but other wise the film was enjoyable.
I've never been a fan of Marvel................... by lobo44319	Jun 15th, 2007 10:51:56 AM
but, I went to the midnight showing and I thought it was the best Marvel movie yet. I've always been a DC guy but I know who the Fantastic 4 and Silver Surfer were going in. I also thought X3 was the best of the mutant movies. The first two were as boring as watching The Sopranos on Bravo.
This TOTALLY captured the spirit of $s 48-50... by lettersoftransit	Jun 15th, 2007 10:53:50 AM
...but by that I mean episodes of Hannah Montana
Oh NO, more people enjoyed the movie by SlickyVonBoner	Jun 15th, 2007 11:00:09 AM
The bane of any true hater. They can't stand to see anyone enjoy... anything. Fucking crybabies.
I agree with GurzEon by rogmel	Jun 15th, 2007 11:07:27 AM
Tim Story is a hack, as is that douche who made Daredevil, then turned around and made Ghost Rider. Everyone here bitches about Bay (and for good reason), but these two seem to always be given slack for thier incompetence. As long as Marvel keeps giving these guys the reins and a check, they'll keep producing crap.
Yeah, gee whiz. by Pompoulus	Jun 15th, 2007 11:11:36 AM
Free market's a bitch ain't it.
Yeah, I can't wait to pay my $10 by SlickyVonBoner	Jun 15th, 2007 11:11:51 AM
I'll smile and laugh the whole movie knowing GurzEon is crying like a baby that shit himself.
The Fantastic Car is........... by downtheriver3	Jun 15th, 2007 11:16:42 AM
made by Dodge........nice Dodge logo in front and on the seats..they must have financed half the film to get the chance to this product placement...Johnnie even asks if it has a Hemi?, which Reed replies and says ..........YES!........funny
I believe in you, Massawyrm. by MC Vamp	Jun 15th, 2007 11:18:03 AM
I blame Fox and the morons who pay to see this crap. THIS is why we'll never see another Raiders of the Lost Ark, Ghostbusters, or Terminator 2. You can cut off your balls in Hollywood, film a pile of shit for two hours and still make bajillions. OW MY BALLS!
Alba by downtheriver3	Jun 15th, 2007 11:19:47 AM
Alba is hot but she is too "ethnic" to play the invisible girl. Nothing wrong with that look, in fact, it is hot but just not right for the part. The thing is too short and the guy that plays Mr. Fantastic is a boob. Johnnie Storm is the most right of all the characters.
LOBO???????? by downtheriver3	Jun 15th, 2007 11:21:11 AM
..the best Marvel movie yet?????are you kidding me? How ignorant are you?????
Keep payin'-Keep eatin shit sandwiches by revenge_flicks	Jun 15th, 2007 11:28:48 AM
everyone who plans to fork over $$$ for this turd this weekend: go ahead and keep getting shit sandwiches like: I AM Legend; starring Da Fresh Prince...huh? who the in the hell was monitoring my fondest childhood memories and decides to ass-rape them for a buck??? OH! you say you like Romero movies?? Don't cha worry cuz we gonna make a cheap remake of all his films, got you covered, cuz these idiots will line up to see this crap! What is that? Give Romero a budget and let him make a film??? Naaaaahhhh!
.......can't wait........ by downtheriver3	Jun 15th, 2007 11:29:06 AM
...to see Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man...........(shaking my head)
COULD SOMEONE ANSWER ME THIS QUESTION??? by i eat cannibals	Jun 15th, 2007 11:30:37 AM
Why in gods name would you give a kick ass comic book series to a no talent hack that directed TAXI and BARBER SHOP???????? Who thought this was a good idea??
Lobo by downtheriver3	Jun 15th, 2007 11:30:48 AM
Did you know they made 3 Spider-man movies???
blacklodgebob: chiklis by ByTor	Jun 15th, 2007 11:33:55 AM
Therapy for wearing a costume? Jesus Christ. I mean, I think Chiklis rocks on The Shield, and I even enjoyed him when he was on the light-hearted "Commish" series ages ago. But I never realized what a pussy he is. Hey, Chiklis? IT'S A FUCKING COSTUME. PUT IT ON, READ YOUR LINES, AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.
I agree with MC Vamp... by spectrebeeyatch	Jun 15th, 2007 11:35:02 AM
We won't see another classic movie like hat ever again thanks to fucktards who buy tickets to movies like this. I like how idiots think they are cool for defending stupid as fuck movies, but it's okay because they just come off looking like ass holes.
Oh Massa.... by Grendy	Jun 15th, 2007 11:35:09 AM
...you make me crack up sometimes. I miss your puerile ways. No,I don't. They were right there on screen to see. (grin) I almost got talked (dragged) into a show last night and I am so glad that my friendship doesn't have to be tested like that. I took a 5 year old to see the first one, and still damn near walked out. Oh, rocky Thing-dork. Have we sunk so low. As for Posehn, I know he's a huge comic book fanboy, and that's why he's in it, so I can be okay with it. Do you expect anyone to actually be good in this movie? And I like Ioan and Michael C. Someone I know mentioned that since Galactus takes the form of whoever percieves him, does that mean that the clouds on Earth are sentient? As for Memflix... he can tell Fox to go screw. A $7 job and they take it away like petulant children? If maybe the theater chains paid a reasonable amount of money he might not have 'had' to suppliment his meager earnings. I loved Mori's response to the whole thing. I remember when watching movies that the Fox theme music coming onscreen would make me all giddy. I know it was purely the original association with me watching the Star Wars movies as a kid, but that's what I loved about Fox films. You knew it was going to be awesome. I am equating FF #1 with the fine quality of a Golan-Globus film. Sigh. If anyone at Fox takes you up on the scrote-gargling... please let us know. I would love it if there were pictures. Oh wait. No I wouldn't. I'll probably get dragged to the damn second one.
Tegujai Batir: contacts by ByTor	Jun 15th, 2007 11:35:34 AM
Sir, your post was the funniest goddamned thing I've read in a TB since Idon'tknowwhen. "a five foot tall Thing that looks like a crusty, silly-putty turd." Plus the whole knobber-from-Alba thing. Hilarity!
Ok, that's it... by cornponious	Jun 15th, 2007 11:40:36 AM
I've been talking back for several months, and usually don't get much of a rise from anybody based on what I say in these here talkbacks. That's usually because I only make smart-assed little quips here and there, and don't usually pour out my heart and soul about these moving pictures that we all either adore or abhor. I also really hope these HTML tags I'm inserting will give me paragraphs. I've been a marvel comic reader for most of my life, off and on. I was always a fan of the FF, and most other marvel heroes (and villains), namely Hulk, Wolverine, shogun warriors. Hell, I was even a fan of the short Howard the Duck stories I found in the back pages of my prized Man-Thing comics. So, I would like to state my opinion on what it takes to make a comic book movie work, listed in order. 1. The director or screenwriters (or both hopefully) must be knowledgeable of the material, preferably fans of the material. 2. If the director or screenwriter(s) are not fans of the material, then there MUST be someone involved in production or direction who knows the material AND APPRECIATES IT, and who can simply speak and make necessary changes without flak from the studio execs. 3. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY - The makers of the film must fully recognize that the COMIC IS CANON, and there must be certain elements of the story/characters that must be brought to film INTACT, things that the fans will absolutely WANT to see. This is what I believe to be the basics for bringing a comic to life on the big screen. When I saw X3, I came out of that theater very, VERY ANGRY. They took something I cherished and loved, something that I spent much time reading over and over, something that, had it been cared for and respected, could have been brought to the screen as something monumental and memorable. I know I'm not really anybody here, and you can take my opinion and crucify me or suck my cock over it. But this is what I believe to be true.
Yeah is Jessica Alba Black, Latin or Blatin? by Darkcityuk	Jun 15th, 2007 11:44:05 AM
not that its important when your having a look at her arse.
DisplayTable ? by NunPuncher	Jun 15th, 2007 11:45:31 AM
What I want to know is. Do they show a FF toy and merchandise table anywhere in the movie.
Still... by ewokstew	Jun 15th, 2007 11:49:36 AM
gonna see it.
Saw it last night. It was pretty good. by Freakemovie	Jun 15th, 2007 11:58:56 AM
Actually, I enjoyed it a lot. Much more than I thought I would. That's all.
I have a question by davida4348	Jun 15th, 2007 12:06:00 PM
Does The Thing shit rocks and pebbles?
Brilliant by Johnny_Boy	Jun 15th, 2007 12:09:47 PM
Just been to London's Leicester Square to see 4-RotSS and I really enjoyed it. Bring on number 3! The acting and the camaraderie was top notch. CGI is up there with Spidey 3. Fantastic!
DeadPanWalking's heavy lifting... by frostyxc	Jun 15th, 2007 12:16:59 PM
Way to lift the Onion Av Club's Top 10 list about the Fantastic Four verbatim in your "reminiscence" of how silly the old Fantastic Four was in the old comics. Those were some whacked-out story ideas, though. I guess I will be seeing Surf's Up this weekend.
nice review massa by thekylegassproject	Jun 15th, 2007 12:17:45 PM
well spoken. i grew up on cartoons not comics and even i can tell there is something seriously wrong with this franchise...fucking lame.
No Culture in America? by Bluejack	Jun 15th, 2007 12:18:40 PM
Whoever said that is an idiot. Stop listening to Jazz, Rock and Blues. People the whole world over consume crap like X-Men3 and Spider-Man 3. Just take a look at the international box office take.
this is a great movie by sunwukong86	Jun 15th, 2007 12:18:45 PM
if you know jack shit about the source material or you're 8 years old
Massawyrm's review is negated by two things... by Err	Jun 15th, 2007 12:19:58 PM
1.) The fact that he's pissed about the Memflix situation which influenced him. 2.) The Dr. Pepper can in his picture. What a stupid drink.
Peter Jackson for JLA! by UltimaRex	Jun 15th, 2007 12:22:01 PM
Peter Jackson for JLA! Seriously, when a setup this sweet gets so royally screwed and I mean F**KED y'know what? I get nervous. Peter Jackson for JLA! Peter Jackson for JLA! Peter Jackson for JLA! Peter Jackson for JLA!...
I think they fixed it this time around!!!! by ac5974	Jun 15th, 2007 12:22:46 PM
I wasnt all that impressed with FANTASTIC FOUR Pt1 so I wasnt a little hesitant to get excited about this sequel and now having seen it I am afraid the only thing I can honestly say is WHOOOOOOO---HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! ! This movie totally ROCKS!!!! Eveything and I mean EVERYTHING they got wrong in the first film they fix in this movie. This is not a pussyfied version like the first movie this is EMPIRE compared to A NEW HOPE!!! IT-IS-THAT-MUCH-BETTER!!!!!!!! ! I LOVED this movie and the Surfer is a total BAD-ASS!!! And the real Dr Doom finally shows up and not the stupid metal skinned guy from Pt 1. So this is my appraisial of this film!!!!
"the Memflix situation" by Fabulous Freak	Jun 15th, 2007 12:31:48 PM
I come and go from this site, so forgive my ignorance, but what happened with Memflix?? Is there a link to a story where i can find this out? Hook a cubical drone up...
Hey Fabulous Freak by davida4348	Jun 15th, 2007 12:41:18 PM
Here's a link to the story: http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBI Z/Movies/06/14/film.projection ist.reut/index.html
yep. memflix was right. by mrdinky	Jun 15th, 2007 12:41:30 PM
saw the midnight show last night. everything memflix said about the movie was accurate. whether it was bad or not, I guess that depends. I HATE the fantastic four but I like comics. So I have no deep seated interest in the movie (the way I do for x-men/spidey/transformers). anyway, I thought the first F4 movie was forgettable but fun and pretty much as good as F4 was going to get. The sequel is less good, but still basically harmless and forgettable with a little comedy. the basic plot of the movie is GREAT. if I were making a good F4 movie, this would be it. the execution was horrible though. the script jumped around like crazy. it's like there's a frame of a meaningful movie that they never bothered to fill with...anything. the surfer looked cool. doom looked kick ass in his new armor (although it's not much a part of the movie). and for the biggest FUCK YOU ALL to everyone in the cinema, memflix was right: surfer flies into a giant cloud and then it blows up. that's just retarded. AND it's the same retardedness that DIDN'T work in THE HULK, a far more sophisticated flop (the killer poodle didn't help its cred either). chris evans is entertaining with his wtf? facial expressions. everyone else is a turd. and alba's hair was just so fecking wrong, I don't know where to begin. let's just say that when the hair was down, I thought I was looking at Cousin It form the ADDAMS FAMILY.
cornponious hit the nail on the head !!! by paulyd30	Jun 15th, 2007 12:42:04 PM
Excellent and well put take dude. IF the people involved don't even respect the source material then the movie is (excuse the pun) DOOMED !! I have been reading Marvel and DC for over 30 years and I can tell you how matter how much money you throw at movies like Batman and Robin, X3, and FF4 they are a pile of flaming crap because the director could give a ratts ass about the characters. I don't think Spidey 3 was too bad but they to fit in too much enough for 3 movies. Getting back to the crap fest which is FF41&2, being a true fan I cannot get past the Thing and Alba they are totally wrong and something resembling a bad TV movie not even up to smallvile standards. IT is disgusting on how you can disrespect such loved characters. Casting is everything and they have missed the boat. Say what you want about the HULK but at least the Hulk was 10 feet of kick ass fury exactly like he drawn in the comics it was a beautiful sight to behold not like the burnt crispy pile of weak ass dog shit which is supposed to be the Thing in the FF4 movies. One disgusted Fan here.. DC films seem to be on the right track now and the Marvel films after Spidey 2 have gone down hill.
the not so mysteriouss mystery of Memflix by Kizeesh	Jun 15th, 2007 12:43:39 PM
He was some due who posted an early review. thats all. As to the FF4: ROTS reviews, I tend more towards Harry. Mainly as I've never really liked the comic, being that it's the goofiest most schlocky 50s type comic I've ever read. I mean the X-Men grew up, Superman and Batman got serious, even The Flash tried. But the 4 always remained this "child's comic" type that the rest to some extent have moved past. I was pleasantly surprised to see the original film recently, as it at least tried to inject a sense of modernity without taking itself seriously at all. That's all I'm hoping for.
thankyou david by Fabulous Freak	Jun 15th, 2007 12:50:10 PM
very interesting. I bet he REALLY hates the movie now...
Is anyone surprised? by ZombieKeef	Jun 15th, 2007 12:51:21 PM
That this movie will lick balls because it in fact, licks balls.
the comic book is, umm... by JoeBoozio	Jun 15th, 2007 12:55:34 PM
I mean, yeah, the movie looks shitty. Right. But, those of us that didn't read the comic as a kid, does it look THAT different from the books? The books were a little schlocky, way over the top, and definitely more geared to children. So, this movie is geared for children. Whaaaaaat?!?! Really?!? I guess, I think, if you want a badass film featuring a guy that "flames on", a guy that stretches, a guy that's an orange man made out of stone, and a woman who, although called the invisible woman, seems to help out the most by making forcefields, give up. If you want true badassery, go see the new Coen Bros. film when it comes out. Go Javier!
The real problem with FF... by shitstorm23	Jun 15th, 2007 12:58:04 PM
Is that the Incredibles got it so right. If the story can be fun, entertaining and cool all at the same time, why the fuck couldn't they do it with the REAL Fantactic Four? I never liked the FF comics, Marvel just never got the right artist/writer for that book, but I always thought they could make a decent movie out of it and if done correctly the whole SS/Galactus thing could be done. But, this makes me lose hope in comic book properties. I have no hope for a good JLA movie, Batman/Superman movie, or my favorite, a future Batman or Superman movie. Have some balls and do an "Elseworlds" type story. As long as it isn't done by Tim Story or that jackass that ruined DD & Ghost Rider. It won't ruin characters or continuity. Fuck, they just get reloaded every 10-15 years anyway.
Massawyrm, Have You Ever Read A FF Comic? by Buzz Maverik	Jun 15th, 2007 01:09:33 PM
Especially from the Lee/Kirby days? They were filled with humor, slackstick and otherwise (my favorite, Kirby devotes a whole page to the Thing trying to restore an antique car, only to end up destroying it). Even "rock dork" jokes or "no dork" jokes have uh...cropped up in recent years, such as in Mark Waid/Mike Weiringo's run. Comics only got self important, and largely humorless, in the last ten years or so.
memflix by El Borak	Jun 15th, 2007 01:11:31 PM
either way i hope memflix gets a better job and makes it through this relatively unjaded. "there are still some people out there who aren't pricks!... just not in hollywood it would seem. oh well... film companies! wet and sloppy!!!!!!!"
Is MEMflix a god? by Crazy_Ralph_07	Jun 15th, 2007 01:17:01 PM
Some people are sure acting like it... It's like: A) If you thought the movie is shit, your opinon counts. Viva La Memflix. B) If you enjoy the movie, you're a plant or full of shit. C) Regardless of lack of information regarding the event that occured, Fox is the bad guy and Memflix is the good guy. I'm not a fan of Fox at all, since 'Live Free or Die Hard' has been offically rated PG-13 (Visit the offical website), but I'm not going to judge a movie just because of the studio. I don't belive Memflix is all that innocent, and I don't blame the studio completley for a shitty movie. I blame the people who made the shitty movie. The thing with the new Fantastic Four movie is, it's going to get a lot of negative reviews, but most are from people who don't even want to give it a chance. I can't imagine many good reviews here on this site about this movie, since most made their minds up before seeing the movie.
Massawyrm's reviews absolutely blow... by Err	Jun 15th, 2007 01:17:24 PM
His reviews remind me of crap that I see in papers put out by middle school children and high school children. And this is not cause he panned F4: ROTSS. I expected the film to suck balls, but his reviews on this site have been utter shit. Massawyrm needs to learn how to write a decent review and then get back with us.
well la di da by McClane_Corleone	Jun 15th, 2007 01:24:35 PM
because you're not a hardcore fanboy if you thought X3 was "good for what it was." Elitist much? Extend that pinky.
Memflix is a retard by downtheriver3	Jun 15th, 2007 01:25:37 PM
..nuff said
Polarized Reviews = Fanboy Mentality. by Buzz Maverik	Jun 15th, 2007 01:29:20 PM
I used to be one of the comic book reviewers on AICN until I realized it was making me hate comics. I never want to hate comics. But one thing it taught me is that fanboys, especially comic book fans, either love something with all their hearts or hate it to the depths of their souls. Nothing is ever just "okay" or "flawed" or "good but with room for improvement". I admire this because of the passion involved, but shades of grey exist in every medium, even the four color ones.
bleah by LabattsBleu	Jun 15th, 2007 01:29:42 PM
seriously, after the first film, i don't know how anyone could have expected too much from the sequel...FWIW, the comic DID grow up, when John Byrne left the X-Men to pencil FF, and it was great...Of course, there were people on this site that like T3 better than T2, so there's no accounting for taste (nor brains) obviously
BTW, Me Reviewing Comics Here... by Buzz Maverik	Jun 15th, 2007 01:30:29 PM
...and $59.95 will get me a cup of coffee and an ex-Beatle CD at Starbucks. Didn't mean to come off as full o' myself, etc.
Well by Crazy_Ralph_07	Jun 15th, 2007 01:34:58 PM
I find it funny that people trash X3 for not being close to the comics, when in fact, neither where the first two. Hell, no movie based on any super hero has been close to its source material. Richard Donners Superman,Superman 2, Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Begins, SPider-Man, Spider-Man 2, Hulk, Fantastic Four, The Punisher, Daredevil, Ghost Rider... all of which have changed enough. While some are better than others, complaining about "Being close to the comics" is just about as useless as it comes when talking about comic book movies (Unless it's graphic novels like Sin City or 300)
Tim Story deserves an Oscar . . . by Dr.Sonus	Jun 15th, 2007 01:39:30 PM
...If this movie gets Bill O'Reilly to resign. Yeah, I said it.
Alba as Sue Storm... by Kid Z	Jun 15th, 2007 01:43:03 PM
... wonder why there's not some, like Swede version of Jesse Jackson all up in arms over this... "just go to Minnesota, yah? There's a veritable plethora of blonde actress in Minesota just waiting for a break. I cannot believ the producers of this film hired a non-nordic type to play blue-eyed blonde. It's outrageous... degrading... disgusting!"
HAHA!!!! BAY WILL FUK YUR EYES IN 2 WEEKS!!!!! by GARTHIMUS	Jun 15th, 2007 01:44:06 PM
fanstatic 4 not so fanstatics!!!! Bay wil OWN yur fanboy ASS in 2 weks!!! he wil makes u SHITS YUR PANTS like no movie tis sumer befor!!!!!! VIVA LA TRANSOFORMERS!!!!! EATS SHITTLES FANTASOTIC FLOP!!! ha ha bitches!!!
I WANT MY 2 HOURS BACK by aportee	Jun 15th, 2007 01:45:21 PM
That was the worst piece of shit movie i ever seen. Seriously, The Punisher with Dolph Lunghead was better than this piece of shit. Worst super hero film ever. Well, at least the silver surfer film will have potential to be good.
Vastly improved by darquelyte	Jun 15th, 2007 01:49:41 PM
While flawed (but what isn't )this one was actually more in the second tier of Superhero movies it, whereas the first FF was in the bottom tier like Elektra and Ghost Rider. I thought McMahon was ok as Doom, not as bad as Harry and others have written. I'm not a regular viewer of Nip Tuck, but I've seen it and he does a good job there too, and he was good in Profiler back in the day. The movie was lacking a little, but still was light years ahead of the first one. Much more true to the FF I remember reading off and on when I was a kid.
FF2 was an improvement over the first by DeusExMachina	Jun 15th, 2007 01:50:19 PM
I saw the first one on opening night and was totally pissed off. The only aspect of the first movie that I did enjoy was Johnny Storm. I just got back from seeing FF2 and I liked it a hell of a lot better. Was it perfect? By no means it wasn't. Is it better than X3, Spider-Man 3, Daredevil, Ghost Rider, and Elektra? Yes. Dr. Doom still sucked and I was glad that he didn't have a lot of screen time. I hope when they decide to use him again that they go for a different actor. Other than Doom and a couple other issues, I can't see why people are hating this movie so much. I honestly think that some of you are expecting way way too much. The movie was fun. It fits with the silver age FF stories. I swear, I think some of you like to bitch about shit just to bitch about shit.
You take this shit seriously don't you? by metaluna	Jun 15th, 2007 01:54:18 PM
I can tell. Get over it. It's a superhero movie. Who cares? My mother threw my comic books out when I was 16. Best thing she ever did for me :D
For just $7 an hour, you can get yourself fired.... by Kai_Mah'gra	Jun 15th, 2007 01:58:20 PM
....from a mid-West moviehouse projectionist's job.........OR..............yo u ould get low-grade third-tier celebrity status in the backwater internets Talkbacks, where your name get's quoted by the likes of the same character that thought that Superman Returns would do "Spidey-like numbers" at the Box Office. Thats right people, let's not forget that this is the same reviewer who boldly proclaimed that Superman Returns would do "Spidey-like numbers" at the Box Office. I'll let that sink in for just a moment.................is it all the wayin? Good, because putting that ludicrous quote in perspective, "A night at the Museum " made at the Box Office, in only a couple of weeks, what Super Stalker returns struggled to reach in six months. How's it going Massa? Just thought I'd send a shout out.
Did anyone else watch those old FF4 cartoons? by The Dum Guy	Jun 15th, 2007 02:04:12 PM
I remember one that had Magneto as the villain and the kept pronouncing his name "Mag-net-oh", and the way they caught him was by having Reed use a gun made of wood to make him believe his magnetic powers were failing him... I haven't seen that since I was like five or six, funny what you remember "Mag-net-oh".
MEMFLIX A GOD? by mr dark	Jun 15th, 2007 02:05:57 PM
No Crazy_Ralph_07 he's just a guy who likes to review films. He tried to give all of us who come to this site what we want, early word on our interests.. If you take the time to examine what happened to him you'll see he was within his rights to write this one up..He signed no N.D.A. and his employer was well aware of his outside activities.. No not a God only a mere mortal who got taken to the woodshed by a huge , media giant..Who are so unsure of their own decisions they are to the point of being paranoid over a small time web reviewer... Well this one blew up in their faces just a bit.. No one could have expected this to gain the exposure it did.. I can even understand Harry not sticking his balls out for this but I admire Moiarty for placing his testes out their for all to see.. I can admire someone who has something to lose and STILL stands by their beliefs...I know MEMFLIX holds all of the people who belived in his cause in high regard..I was at his site today and their were unexpected kind words for myself and the great Bringingsexback.. I want to thank Memflix for fighting the good fight .. and don't worry MEMFLIX when your right good folks will come out of the woodwork to help.. I hope you find what you seek and learn from this journey...Oh yeah I almost forgot Long Live MEMFLIX... Hard to say what Memflix's future holds..
Metaluna by trombone	Jun 15th, 2007 02:09:27 PM
Yes. We want these movies to be taken seriously and to be done well, FOR WHAT IT IS. It IS a super-hero movie, and it IS possible to take it seriously as a super-hero movie. But from what I have heard, THIS MOVIE SUCKS.
Thanks Massa! by trombone	Jun 15th, 2007 02:10:02 PM
I will save my money and my time. In the New York Metro today: "Alba and Gruffudd show as much chemistry as the curriculum at Juilliard. And that's the only way you'll see Alba and Juilliard in one sentence."
MEMFLIX likes Penis by milak83	Jun 15th, 2007 02:17:44 PM
He told me so. Fanstastic Four 2 rocks. One of the most fun films this year and a much better improvment over the first.
First off, I think what Memflix did was wrong.. by glodene	Jun 15th, 2007 02:21:24 PM
He was put in position of trust and spit on it. As a 29 year old, he should've known better. As far as Fox is concerned, I get the impression that Tom Rothman & Co. obviously has total contempt for the comicbook genre (DareDevil, Electra, X3 & both FF movies) and should cease adapting anymore source material. I'm a true believer that when adapting any comicbook to film that you should respect the source material and if you can't, be decent about it and back-off instead of desecrating its mythology to fill your coffers. SHAME ON FOX.
FF42 BETTER THEN EMO SPIDEY by milak83	Jun 15th, 2007 02:28:14 PM
I would place this movie over Pirates 3, Spiderman 3, and Shrek 3. Silver Surfer is that COOL of a character. He almost reminds me of Darth Maul with more screen time.
RE: Jessica Alba does not want to be Latin by Prof. Brainiac	Jun 15th, 2007 02:29:49 PM
It's interesting that she says that she doesn't speak Spanish. If I remember correctly, there is a behind-the-scenes bonus on the FF disc (yes I own it) that has Miss Alba video taping herself going about her business to promote the first movie. One scene has her and friends/family members in a dressing room or in a green room, and she is speaking Spanish. If I'm wrong please correct me, but I didn't recognize a good many phrases she was using as English. Has anyone else seen this? I couldn't give two squirts of Smurf piss as to whether she speaks Spanish or not. Just makes it look like she's a two-faced liar.
aportee by downtheriver3	Jun 15th, 2007 02:34:21 PM
..you must not have seen very many hero movies.........there are a lot worse
Transformers at its best........... by downtheriver3	Jun 15th, 2007 02:36:02 PM
...SUCKS!!!!!!!!!
Glodene: Fox shits on ALL it's franchises now by Jack Burton	Jun 15th, 2007 02:37:19 PM
Die Hard, Alien, Predator, they simply don't care. 20th Century Fox has become like Fox TV, the majority of the programming is aimed at lowest common denominator. Anything else is just a fluke or held over from the previous regime. The Fox fanfare before the movie used to signify a quality experience, now they are the new Paramount. I am referring to the Paramount that made Tomb Raider 1 & 2, League of Extraordinary Gentleman, Timeline, Congo, Sky Captain, Sphere (notice a Crichton pattern?), and dozens of other flicks that actively kill brain cells while watching. Lest we forget The Punisher was Fox too.
GARTHIMUS by downtheriver3	Jun 15th, 2007 02:37:30 PM
Please redirect any funds you plan on using to pay for the cinema towards English courses.
Actually... by avenger147	Jun 15th, 2007 02:41:48 PM
FF4 was pretty good! It was way better than the 1st one by FAR!!!
glodene WTF? by trombone	Jun 15th, 2007 02:44:05 PM
What are you talking about? "position of trus"? You make it sound like he's a doctor or a pre-school teacher. He DOES have a repsonsibility, and that is to tell the truth about the crap these studios are turning out. Did you read ANY of the news? Memflix has been doing this FOR YEARS and his EMPLOYER new about it all the time. He got fired AFTER he posted the review. And how, exactly, was he "put in a position of trust"? Are you a fucking Fox plant? Lick the balls of Rothman, do we?
Just seen it by Wyrdy the Gerbil	Jun 15th, 2007 02:46:54 PM
Memflix is a prick ...not a total prick because some of his musing`s were right but still a prick
This is not better than Spider-Man 3 by BrowncoatJedi	Jun 15th, 2007 02:52:00 PM
Seriously, you guys are retarded if you really think that.
Waaaaaaaay better then Spider-man 3 by milak83	Jun 15th, 2007 02:57:45 PM
So you have to be retarded Browncoatjedipoodu
Massa by mr dark	Jun 15th, 2007 03:12:47 PM
lIke the drawing but that isn't the old dick in the popcorn bag thing goin on is it?
This mans not far wrong by drunkenmonkey73	Jun 15th, 2007 03:16:05 PM
Try this folks http://tinyurl.com/28cfdw
REMEMBER THE MEMFLIX by Leafy McPlantsalot	Jun 15th, 2007 03:16:52 PM
That's the review i was waiting for!!!!
Master Worm has chosen HD-DVD...here's why... by Atticus Finch	Jun 15th, 2007 03:21:15 PM
He needs all the payola from TOSHIBA he can get after this review!
Great Movie! (Or: I Can't Believe I Said That) by topaz4206	Jun 15th, 2007 03:21:30 PM
Remember folks, this is the reviewer that thought "Happy Feet" was TOO POLITICAL. Dude must be a blast at parties. There are at least 20 corny kid-jokes in this movie, but other than that, I had a great time. Probably the most epic-feeling of all the modern Marvel movies as well. It really FELT like the Earth was about to get gobbled up. The Surfer was, to reiterate everyone's point, phenomenal. And also, another unoriginal opinion: quite a bit better than Spider-Man 3. Buys a round of Silver Patron for the Talkback Room
Wait a minute, what did the first one get RIGHT? by Vern	Jun 15th, 2007 03:26:39 PM
I thought the fan-nerds were supposed to be more negative about this type of shit than the civilians, but did I understand that correctly that there were parts of the first one he LIKED? I'm thinking it through and I can't figure out what would be considered "the good part" in that awe inspiring parade of ineptitude. I'm not trying to be over-the-top here, I just thought that was pretty clearly up there with the very most embarrassing of all comic strip movies. After I saw it somebody asked me if it was worse than DAREDEVIL, and I had to say yes just because I was able to say "well, Michael Clarke Duncan was pretty good in DAREDEVIL" and things like that if I was looking for something nice to say. For FANTASTIC FOUR I can't even say the effects are good or they did a good job on the costumes or Jessica Alba seemed like she knew how to read. In alot of ways it doesn't even seem like a real movie that somebody would release into theaters. I guess that is its one redeeming factor, it was kind of fascinating to watch and just scratch my head wondering what in God's name these freakos thought was appealing about this crap. Anyway, if I was to read the comic strips, which part would I learn how to like?
This Movie was a worthless waste of 2 hours. by ShiniGamiSan	Jun 15th, 2007 03:34:30 PM
What a let down. No Galacticus , just a cloud, no Watcher, no Cosmic Nullifier. My kids have seen the FF cartoons from the late 60's and said the same thing. I guess we can't have a done FF13 and 26, and introduce the Watcher, then do 48/49, and then move on to the inhumans. How Avi let this happen I have no idea. I'm not going to SDCC this year (I used to manage Marvel toy lines for Toy Biz, but only go to SDCC if I have to), otherwise I'd tell him off. Quit riding around on your Harley and make these Marvel franchises work. And somebody kick Tim Story in the balls till he quits films and gets a job at Mickey D's. Really sad part is, some people actually clapped at the end of the screening. My favorite comics of all time are reduced to worthless BS. Couldn't they have just followed the comics? In the next one, the Pogo Plane will be a rocket powered pogo stick and the Mole Man will look like Splinter.
Good Call Vern by dixieflyer	Jun 15th, 2007 03:41:07 PM
There is nothing in the comic books that would make you like FF1 better. Actually the opposite is true for me. I had always thought Dr. Doom was one of the best villains ever developed, however the FF movie depiction of him seemed weak and contrived. This made the first film even worse for me.
I just got back from seeing it.... by Magic Rat	Jun 15th, 2007 03:52:10 PM
God, it was bad. An hour and a half of useless, boring, 5th grade adventure/humor. I might have liked this movie when I was 10, but nobody past puberty should bother watching this. It made Ghost Rider look like Lord of the Rings.
Vern is my hero by ByTor	Jun 15th, 2007 04:00:34 PM
Summed it up nicely, Vern.
Re: Tim Story desreves an Oscar... by mr dark	Jun 15th, 2007 04:00:37 PM
Well its got to be an Oscar Meyer hot dog in the poop shoot... But wait this just in Tim Story nominated for best actor performance for Roy Stalin
I guess if you don't think ever movie sucks... by Angelus_420	Jun 15th, 2007 04:28:29 PM
...Don't read this review is that what your saying in the long winded beginning to this review?? How come every review on this site lately is negative? I think I've read 2 postive or constructive reviews in the past few months. I'm almost postive that I've seen this or it's been printed on the site before but: Why don't you guys make movies if every movie sucks? Oh I know because those that can't do bitch about those that can. I normally only stick to the comic and television reviews because they are way more balanced and not so negative but lately I've been reading the movie reviews and they just suck balls big time!! It seems that you all go into movies to hate them because a director that you wanted didn't do it or an actor that you don't agree with was cast. Out of the movies I've seen that you all have reviewed in the past few months myself and a few others have felt you all were way off and had no idea what your talking about. Stop hating it's lame. If I were going to review you guys to be poor or crap out of 10 a weak 3/10 and most of those marks are for the effort of writing all the hate. Is FF 2 as bad as you say I don't know yet but I doubt it.
Ioan Gruffudd? by Nodwick	Jun 15th, 2007 04:30:05 PM
Ioan? Seriously, this guy needs a stage name stapled to him pronto.
Soooo..... by mrwilson2000	Jun 15th, 2007 04:36:03 PM
I still laugh my ass off at "Whoa! Wolfman has nards!", still enjoy Brody's diatribe about "Supreman banging regular chicks", but I'm gonna hate crotch jokes about The Thing? C'mon, it sounds like dick and fart jokes are the only thing this movie has going for it. Although to be fair, Batnipples? Yeah, they still aren't funny.
one more thing by drunkenmonkey73	Jun 15th, 2007 04:36:43 PM
too make an omelette, use 2 eggs not 3.
High Hopes by mrjoker	Jun 15th, 2007 04:37:45 PM
I had high hopes for this movie. The story of Silver Surfer and Galactus is amazing in its own right, to bad they f'd it all up in this one. A swirling cloud? Why can't they have just made GALACTUS!!! Someone should just make a Noran Radd movie and make it a tragedy.
What they got right: by PervOmatic	Jun 15th, 2007 04:40:08 PM
Four people with super powers and one is chick. One is made of orange rock. They wear blue uniforms. That is it....
Pedestrian - Defintion; See Tim Story by Batutta	Jun 15th, 2007 04:42:49 PM
The first 45 minutes of this movie made me want to kill myself. The lamest directing and writing I've ever seen in a big budget movie. Once the Silver Surfer becomes a real character, the film got slightly more interesting, but it's saying something when an inexpressive hunk of metal(?) is the most compelling person in your film. Tim Story should be directing episodes of Girlfriends. You know who deserves an award is his agent, for giving this hack a career.
Here's the part you'd like Vern by ChiTownsBest	Jun 15th, 2007 04:44:27 PM
The credits!! It was the only redeeming factor in the first one. The fact that that pos had ended made my day. The funny part about all this is that this one will make more then the first one. I was talking to some friends who said that they really wanted to see this movie because the ads looked so good. It seems that nobody has noticed that the movie is rated PG this time around. When I pointed this out to them and told them that this means the movie will be even more silly then the first, they all got silent. Guess what? This is the reaction that the general public will have after watching this movie and realizing that they have just been had by the marketing machine once again. It'll be too late by that point since this movie will most likely make close $80-$90 million in the first week.
These reviews, positive and negative alike, are crap by ScamsAndFlams	Jun 15th, 2007 04:48:35 PM
Is there anyone on this site anymore that can actually write what might be regarded in some circles as film criticism? The Filthy Critic is infinitely funnier and far more puerile and yet, gasp, he actually makes an interesting or constructive point about each film. Vern is the only person on this site who comes anywhere near that sort of ability.
peurile? Dude, your chosen avatar is a guy sitting on by Snowden's Secret	Jun 15th, 2007 05:02:28 PM
a toilet, with a confederate flag t-shirt, and a giant foam middle finger. To quote Inigo Montoya, "you keep using dat word. I do not think it means what you think."
Yeah yeah piece of shit...RIGHT. by LordEnigma	Jun 15th, 2007 05:23:22 PM
Seriously, you are a dark and bitter fucking man, that does not even have a clue. So why dont you shut your fucking mouth, or stuff it with some fucking food. Whatever you do. Please stop discussing this flick as if it's like every other comic book flick. SOme of us get that it's different, and do not decry it because of it's difference. Maybe you need a deeper shade of soul douche. Maybe that's what you need.
My Balls itch by dramirezs23	Jun 15th, 2007 05:31:14 PM
and this movie does look like crap (except for the surfer). But who am I kidding, I'm going to watch it anyway and have a couple of my I.Q. points knocked the fuck down.
Ghost Rider wasn't THAT bad....... by Jimmy Jazz	Jun 15th, 2007 05:32:06 PM
I love watching Nic Cave ham it up. The only problem I had was the absolutely lame villain. Seriously. A mascara-wearing Wes Bentley acting like a 14 year old emo kid who hangs out in front of the Hot Topic is not the stuff of nightmares.
Vern by HeWhoCannotBeNamed	Jun 15th, 2007 05:40:05 PM
I haven't seen either film due to the director, Doom and Alba. But, I did enjoy the stories that Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa wrote (simply titled "4" or "Marvel Knights Four"). I don't really like FF, but I dug those stories. McNiven's art was the reason I picked them up, but I stuck around after he left. Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa kept me coming back. Any one else enjoy those stories? I cannot fathom how and why someone would give Story the director's chair for The Losers. I love the shit out of that title and this TB is the first I have heard of it. Expect that film, should he remain director, to be nothing like the comic. Assholes.
At least they got the names right... by LargoJr	Jun 15th, 2007 05:48:07 PM
thats something ... right..? Right guys?.. (tap tap..) this thing on? Guys?
Can someone tell me in the comic how Surfer .... by Defiant	Jun 15th, 2007 05:49:01 PM
In the comic how did the Surfer get rid of Galactus at the end? Also I am aware there is a story where Doom stole the Surfer's powers. How did Doom do that cause in the movie both seemed ridiculous.
I'm sick by dramirezs23	Jun 15th, 2007 05:58:09 PM
of superhero movies. This genre slowly but surely is burning itself out FAST. These types of movies are what people are going to talk about as stupid trends of the decade a couple of years from now. I never thought I could be bored by the concept of seeing Venom or The Silver Surfer on screen when I was younger, I miss those days sometimes.
FF2 was shit from the start- we all knew it! by Violator90	Jun 15th, 2007 06:01:00 PM
People, lets face the cold hard facts; Hollywood (particularly Marvel) is FUCKING up every single comic-book movie that is coming out with little to no regards to the property or the fans. WE ALL KNEW that this movie was going to be shit! We we just grasping at straws that some miricle Hollywood and Marvel would redeem themselves for AT MOST a decent FF2. But to no one great surprise we get YET ANOTHER heaping pile of shit! Some one mentioned that just start from the very start is the way to go. Look at BATMAN BEGIN; even James Bond is starting from the very beginning, look at how fucking great CASINO ROYALE was. Hollywood/Marvel, if you dumb fucks can't follow a SIMPLE storyline that the comics MAKE it easy to follow. Hell! EVERYTHING IS PLANNED OUT FOR YOU IN THE COMICS!! How fucking retarded to you guys have to be NOT to be able to follow it?!?!? (DARE DEVIL, ELECTRA, SPIDY3, GHOST RIDER, FF) Oh, never mind. People, our dreams of watching our favorite comics coming to life on the big screenbeing AND being treated and MADE right are-no pun intended but-DOOMED! Wow! DARK KNIGHT and IRON MAN are really our last hopes. Geez! Its really tragic being a fan of so many thing that Hollywood is shitting on.
Violator90 by dramirezs23	Jun 15th, 2007 06:09:12 PM
It's all about money. It will be until these stupid movies stop making millions. You have to remember that these movies aren't really aimed at fans. When a good comic book movie makes a huge load of money (Spider-man) every studio is going to want to make one. Pretty soon these studios get lazy and don't see it as a movie but as a product. That's all these movies really are anymore, products and product placement.
VERN by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 06:10:44 PM
the first one got the torch and thing chemistry right and actually evans and chiklis actually knew how to play their roles.
IF I COME OUT THINKING THIS MOVIE WAS BETTER THAN by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 06:12:34 PM
spiderman 3, i am going to be seriously pissed, and extremly suprised
Why, why, why? by new alien	Jun 15th, 2007 06:13:02 PM
I can't say this movie sucks yet as I have not seen it, but after the first one and everything I read I feel like why bother to check it out. Sure the source material has been uneven through the years, but heck go back to some of the great Jack Kirby FANTASTIC FOUR issues and you have some cool material to work with. Seems like something go lost in translation big time. I do feel the best FANTASTIC FOUR film out there is call THE INCREDIBLES! I guess the visions in my mind of a wild and cool live FF film will have to stay in the mind. Here is to a great reboot sometime!
Best Quote by Pompoulus	Jun 15th, 2007 06:16:48 PM
"Maybe you need a deeper shade of soul douche." That's absolutely priceless.
Sorry to interrupt by Mockingbuddha	Jun 15th, 2007 06:19:17 PM
But I just read that Keanu Reeves will not be in Watchmen, and I can't stop sobbing for joy. So far two out of my three, "Actors that ruin all they touch" have been eliminated from this movie. The first was Tom Cruise. I won't say the name of the third so I don't give them any ideas. For now, all is right with the world.
Disagree by Roboteer	Jun 15th, 2007 06:26:02 PM
Where's a truth detector when you need one? Then we could check a box for who's actually seen this and toss 75% of comments out. I'll put my FF geek credentials up against anyone's and say UNEQUIVOCABLY this was much better than FF1 (most critics agree on that)and if it stumbled a lot on the plot development, it still pretty closely reflected the early FF. It captured the familiality and the relationships were pretty spot on. No way was it boring and the acting was improved some as well. The ending was crap no doubt, but it may actually be preferable to Reed slapping together some super weapon in a few hours. Don't think that comic ending would have worked either. A lot of this rant reeks of your SM3 review in nit pickiness. As with that comic, the WORLD'S GREATEST wasn't always so great either in spinning a perfect plot. No, it isn't how I envisioned a great FF movie, but it was at least within shotgun distance this time. I thought it was an entertaining 90 minutes and should really hit the market they're aiming for. If this didn't have all the angst of Spidey, too bad. This wasn't the same type of comic. After One, I felt like I wished they'd never made an FF movie, but this one I can accept. In fact I intend to see it again. P.S. DC doesn't have the chops to overtake Marvel. They got their ass kicked in the Silver Age and it's getting kicked at the box office now.
Read this off the CNN article by dramirezs23	Jun 15th, 2007 06:28:58 PM
Drew McWeeney, known as "Moriarty" on the Ain't It Cool site, picked up Morrison's cause. OH My GOD what a horrible name! No wonder Moriarty has an alias, can you imagine how many times he got his ass kicked in high school?
The Reason Jesse was fired by MEMFLIXsFormerBoss	Jun 15th, 2007 06:31:36 PM
My name is "Tom" I was Jesse Morrisons former employer and the one and only person responsible for the decision to fire him.Jesse was a projectionist here for two years but had several lapse of judgement that led to his being fired the Silver Surfer review was only the final one.Jesse took advantage of his position here after signing a contract and being warned numerous times not to blog or make public any spoilers or any reviews.This was a direct violation.Fox was aware of his transgression but made no request of the Malco Theatre chain or this particular theatre in Memphis.We recieved a memo from Fox that said what was believed to have happened and requested we renew our vigilance in stopping this.No threat or termination request was made.Mr.Morrisson had been warned by me several weeks prior when I recieved complaints that a screening of Oceans Thirteen had stopped cold halfway through.I made my way to the projection room to find Mr. Morrisson on his knees peeking through the projection window with his pants around his ankles imploring Brad Pitt to "adopt me" while vigorously clutching his genitalia.Mr.Morrisson did two weeks of rehab and was given a second chance.I wish Jesse luck in his future endeavors as I still consider him a friend and only want what is best for him.
downtheriver3 by aportee	Jun 15th, 2007 06:45:37 PM
I seen every superhero film to be seen and agree, punisher is a piece of shit film and ff4 was better, not by much. However, only kids under 10 will love this film. Piece of shit film.
memflixs boss -your probably not even his former boss by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 06:50:53 PM
i can see how he got fired for violating a contract but i have this feeling that theres a "spoiler contract" because fox doesnt want people to know about the cloud thing. there was spoilers all over shh forums before the film was released, everyone there still has a job. (p.s. if you keep posting the same thing everywhere, i am gonna keep posting my response.)
NEVERMIND by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 07:01:22 PM
lol and here i was being serious like a retard lol i did not see the part about memflix and his brad pitt fantasties lol
One shitfest down... Transformers next!! by football	Jun 15th, 2007 07:07:51 PM
Then Die Hard 4. You've been warned puerile movie lovers.
FF2.. by 69DUDE	Jun 15th, 2007 07:09:04 PM
If Tim Story is reading any of this shit, I hope he has the sense to ignore almost every word of it. Now, I haven't seen FF2 yet, but I've read enough of this talkback to realise it's just another chance for all the pissy-pants whiners, and feet-stomping cry-babies to randomly vent their rage again. I'm sure this has been said before, but the FF was always the most light-hearted of the Marvel crop. It really should NOT come as a surprise that when they make a movie version its....yep, light-hearted. Finally, for all those STILL bitching and squealing about the so-called letdown - Spider-Man 3 - you really have no idea what a shit movie is like. You really don't. Get out more and discover just how shit a movie can be. As for FF2, I'm sure it's a good enough family-oriented superhero flick. Nothing more.
transformers will be action fuckin packed by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell	Jun 15th, 2007 07:12:23 PM
and ill love it
How the comics ended by ShiniGamiSan	Jun 15th, 2007 07:16:23 PM
First, the Watcher tried to hide the earth by surrounding it with floating debris, then the Surfer Appears. He's befriended by the FF, and regains the nobility he had when he was Norin Radd. He decided to help the FF, who keep trying to destroy the machine Galactus is assembling to drain the energy out of the Earth. They are basically insects to Galactus. But the Watcher sends Johnny to retrieve the Cosmic Nulifier, a weapon that can destroy Galaxies, and Galactus. Reed shows Galactus he has the weapon in his stretched out had, and Galactus says he will leave. But he blasts the Surfer with Cosmic Energy, and imprisons him on Earth with a force shield that only effects the Surfer. You know, just like the Movie that opened today. Pretty sad when the Fantastic Four 60's cartoon episode for these issues is a million times better than this piece of crap I just wasted 2 hours on. And they do a better job in 20 minutes.
You know what REALLY pisses me off? by Cotton McKnight	Jun 15th, 2007 07:19:55 PM
That a piece of SHIT like Superman Returns gets a free pass SOLELY because of who directed it. Bryan Singer "loves" Superman and is a "real" director, so therefore it MUST be better, huh? Well I will tell you what- I haven't seen F42 yet but I ALREADY know that its better, in every concievable way, than Superman Returns. Why? Because anything NOT called Superman Returns is automatically better than Superman Returns.
Cotton McKnight by The Dum Guy	Jun 15th, 2007 07:23:57 PM
Does that go for House of the Dead?
The Dum Guy... by Cotton McKnight	Jun 15th, 2007 07:44:05 PM
Yes, House of the Dead is better than Superman Returns. Why? Because that was a movie nobody cared about being made, so therefore it didn't matter if it was terrible. Superman Returns was not only terrible, it was an abomination and a disgrace to one of the most beloved characters ever created. The stakes were much much higher, and it was REALLY important that Singer get it right. He didn't.
Superman Returns was a good movie by Forestal	Jun 15th, 2007 07:56:01 PM
Second best Superman movie tied with Superman II. Eat it SR haters.
Awesome Movie by jimmyc	Jun 15th, 2007 08:05:08 PM
I have just got back from seeing the movie and have to say you got it all wrong it was awesome. Here are the highlights for me; Hugh grant looks a little different but is incredible as the stretchy fella especially when he was dancing – boy, can that man dance, it put his skit in music and lyrics to shame. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone that hasn’t seen it yet but the general plotline is that Hugh wants to marry the girl from the “Spec Savers” spectacles commercial but has to duck out at the last minute cause skinny silver Morpheus from the Matrix wants him to go surfing - Spec Saver girls brother “Blow Torch Boy” tries to chase Skinny Silver Morpheus away and they race to the ozone layer before Skinny Silver Morpheus gets pissed and throws Blow Torch Boy in the desert where he burns a poor campers tent down. Vic Mackey from the shield is in the movie except he has really bad acne all over his face and body. I’m a big fan of Vic but he needs to get help, he has really let himself go and looks literally like a piece of shit in this movie. Anyway it turns out that skinny Morpheus’ real name is Norman (or something like that) and Norman works for a cloud of smoke that wants to eat the Earth. The military manage to get Hugh and the fantastic team to help them catch Norman but then they take him to Guantanamo to have a chat and inject his alien body with some chemicals that they usually use to make humans talk. Anywho Spec Savers Girl manages to talk to Norman and convince him that although he has spent an eternity working for the cloud of smoke, and his loved ones life depends upon his obedience, he should give it up and help the fantastic team instead. I think she used her amazing power of “tits and ass” to achieve this as it took her about 3 minutes. This was almost as impressive as her other powers which included turning almost invisible and using a form of Tai chi to stop a big wheel falling over in London. Anyway Mr. Doom from the first movie - played here by Super Market Sweeps, Dale Winton – returns to steal Normans surf board and encourages the cloud of smoke to get really really really close to Earth. He also chucks a stick through Spec Saver girl’s chest, which penetrates her impenetrable Tai chi shield and nearly kills her. Hugh gets a bit upset about this but he lets Norman “tit her up” for a bit which brings her back to life. At this point in the movie Hugh and the team have had enough and decide to let Blow Torch Boy take out Mr. Doom on his own, they help him by giving him all their powers. This is where the movie changes from the Fantastic Four to the F

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Massawyrm Sees FANTASTIC FOUR: ROTS And Declares: MEMFLIX WAS RIGHT!!