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Fabfunk’s Seen David Cronenberg’s EASTERN PROMISES!

1st by Faust_8	Jun 7th, 2007 04:27:44 PM
nnn
Spider by tehgreekhammer	Jun 7th, 2007 04:28:48 PM
was crap, HOV ruled though.
I want to throw up!!!!!!!!!! by ludmir88	Jun 7th, 2007 04:30:57 PM
Cronenberg Rules!!!
Cronenberg 8,000,000 MySpace Friends and Counting.... by Greigy Just Wanted To Say	Jun 7th, 2007 04:32:50 PM
Can you compete Harry.....?
I don't know about Cronenberg by ImFixingtoDie	Jun 7th, 2007 04:33:22 PM
But Mortensen's Balls has 15,997 friends as of last night.
Fabfunk you must be called Fagfunk!!! by ludmir88	Jun 7th, 2007 04:33:46 PM
just saying..
Cronenberg up to 8,000,001 by Greigy Just Wanted To Say	Jun 7th, 2007 04:37:34 PM
Gotta love THAT man..!
What happened to Cronenberg's plastic surgery flick? by BillEmic	Jun 7th, 2007 04:38:26 PM
I could have sworn that Cronenberg's post-"A History of Violence" flick was going to be about plastic surgery or some other kind of surgical procedure/hospital theme. What happened to that? As much as I enjoyed "A History Of Violence," I'd love to see him get back into the body-horror realm. He hasn't said all that he has to say in that genre, has he? Say it ain't so. I'd let him inject me with a genetically-engineered sexual parasite or something as long as he promised to make a movie about it.
8,000,002 by Greigy Just Wanted To Say	Jun 7th, 2007 04:38:29 PM
No stopping the dude. Damn those Canadians.
aww man.... by RedEyeDistrict	Jun 7th, 2007 04:40:14 PM
I don't want to see balls flapping around in the middle of a fight. Plus, why doesn't one of these hitmen just knock him in the nards. Fights over, roll credits, and the rest of the movie can be bloopers, Rush Hour style.
Viggo Scrotumsen = Box Office Gold by El Mono	Jun 7th, 2007 04:41:41 PM
I will see this movie as long as they trim the balls. Uh.... let me rephrase: I will see this movie as long as they edit out the man's wedding tackle from a goddamned fight sequence. Since when does anyone want to see cock-n-balls when watching a fight?? It was barely tolerable in the Dark Tower book when Roland fights a bunch of dudes when he's naked...
Best Fight Scene 2008 award goes to... by spectrebeeyatch	Jun 7th, 2007 04:49:49 PM
At least it will win best fight scene in the next MTV movie awards. Stop lying to yourselves I'm pretty confident most of you guys are going to love that fight scene.
"Viggo's balls" line is definitely funny... by killduhbassud	Jun 7th, 2007 05:08:52 PM
...with a close second place going to "Aragorn's scrote smacked me in the face about six times". Fucking hilarious. Oh, and some of you guys are so obviously in the closet; quit trying to draw so much attention to how "outraged" you are at the idea of male nudity, ya homos. No wonder movies are so sexist, with all you twinks-in-denial talking out the side of your necks. Smooch.
Balls... by micturatingbenjamin	Jun 7th, 2007 05:12:50 PM
Whew...Not a good 'great flick' to 'balls shown' ratio out there. I think it's clearly Piledrivers of Ass 12 vs. Color of Night. Balls of Aragorn. You know,that nearly fills out my 'INSANE BINGO' card. All I need to see now are Cate Blanchett's labia majora and Gollum's whithered scrotum as well, and then I'm officially cuckoo!! Yeah...I dunno about this...unless Aragorn's balls EXPLODE like the heads in Scanners, or he teabags a guy like Cronenberg eating that pair of scissors in Dead Zone. That would get my eight bucks. Man! There's something wrong with me...www.myspace.com/waitingpl acedan/blog
RE: Cronenberg's plastic surgery flick by godoffireinhell	Jun 7th, 2007 05:13:34 PM
It was called PAINKILLERS and ultimately Cronenberg decided that it was just the same old same old and that he doesn't even want to film the script he wrote. So it won't happen. However, he's said he might hand the script to some other director and just act as a producer on the thing.
El Mono... by micturatingbenjamin	Jun 7th, 2007 05:14:33 PM
That was Eddie Dean...But yeah, I get yer point...Bleah.
I was kind of hooked until you mentioned flying balls!! by football	Jun 7th, 2007 05:17:33 PM
Needles to say I'll be giving this one a wide berth. Also agree with a lot of what AnimalStructure said above.
Cronenberg!!!! by micturatingbenjamin	Jun 7th, 2007 05:17:53 PM
Woot! Yeah, the real Torch of Gondor's the one swinging his taint around at guys while he beats the shit out of them! Tightly wound indeed! Smacking them with his bell end all the way to the Houses of Healing!
Existenz by HeWhoCannotBeNamed	Jun 7th, 2007 05:20:25 PM
Fucking tightness.
Existenz by quantize	Jun 7th, 2007 05:36:22 PM
agreed.. at first i thought it was wank..but he nailed that.
More Cronenberg by barrylutz	Jun 7th, 2007 05:37:06 PM
Oh, man. I can't wait. I love to see talented directors developing their trade. I love the body-horror themes, too, but damn - I loved History of Violence. His pieces have been part brainy, part visceral, and I can't wait to see an all brainy pic - because I think we all know he's got the potential. I'll be waiting in line. Do many Cronenberg fans camp out?
It's Cronenberg, I'm there... by Sledge Hammer	Jun 7th, 2007 05:40:40 PM
...nuff said. Oh, and why the dick bending fuck isn't M Butterfly on dvd yet?
Tango & Cash 2: Scrotum's in the bush! by Phillyflopper	Jun 7th, 2007 05:42:10 PM
Maybe that has a nicer ring, no?
History of Violence was by mr.underwater	Jun 7th, 2007 05:43:48 PM
A Seagal movie with no Seagal. The only reason art-house geeks went nutz for it is because they've never seen a Seagal movie before. Croenberg's in the dog house as far as I'm concerned. Let's see if this one lets him out.
"Maps to the Stars" and "London Fields" by beamish13	Jun 7th, 2007 05:56:24 PM
are either of those projects still in the pipeline? I'd love to see an Amis adaptation written by the man himself.
Has anyone else seen Viggo's tail?!? by Lance Rock	Jun 7th, 2007 06:01:54 PM
Swear to God, in A History of Violence, freeze frame the movie when he's on Diane Lane in the stairwell. The dude's got a little nubbin above his crack! Freaky.
Viggo's balls have chosen Blu-Ray..., and here's why: by Pound Sand	Jun 7th, 2007 06:43:29 PM
All three are blue.
Oh, and where's the TB'er always ranting about taints? by Pound Sand	Jun 7th, 2007 07:01:30 PM
This story freakin' cries out for you...,
Mario Bello by HeWhoCannotBeNamed	Jun 7th, 2007 07:13:11 PM
on the stairs. Not Diane Lane. I would have prefered Lane. Hotness. Nothing against Bello though.
I like that cast but by CherryValance	Jun 7th, 2007 07:30:33 PM
it seems like something I might forget about. I didn't enjoy AHOV. I don't know what everyone was so excited about. But I love Crash and I recently saw Spider which I thought was really quite good. So I dunno. I guess it depends on what else comes out that week.
Is it going to be as boring as Crash? by The Dum Guy	Jun 7th, 2007 07:42:11 PM
I'm talking about the Cronenberg one. Jeez, for a movie to have so much female nudity and yet be almost utterly boring is mind boggling. And Spider was slow, but alright in the end.
Downward Spiral by MediaNerd	Jun 7th, 2007 09:09:26 PM
Been a big Cronenberg fan for awhile, and he's still one of my favs for his earlier work, but I was left pretty cold from Spider and HoV to me was just an average movie that I think carried more wait due to the fact it was helmed by a man that normally wouldn't make it. He doesn't have to do body-horror themes, but both of those movies felt like they were missing his fingerprint/perspective. Naked Lunch though is still my all-time favorite and in my top 5.
You have balls. by gorydon	Jun 7th, 2007 09:17:34 PM
I like balls...Also that was a very nice review. I'm sure if Harry had reviewed it we would have gotten 2 or 3 paragraphs about getting married or his nephew or something having to do with vaginas.
Thanks micturatingbenjamin... by El Mono	Jun 7th, 2007 09:28:47 PM
...i stand corrected. my feeble mind is failing me. all this talk of balls.
HeWhoCannotBeNamed by El Mono	Jun 7th, 2007 09:31:43 PM
I hope to God u meant Maria Bello. If not, I've been whacking off to one helluva tranny. Meh...life could be worse.
AnimalStructure: Crash by MediaNerd	Jun 7th, 2007 10:19:05 PM
Agreed, Crash is brilliant, beautiful movie. I can't think of any other movie off hand that expresses the feelings of emptiness, detachment and not knowing how to feel and recognize life. Pure nihilistic emotional state. That movie makes me feel alone, even if i'm with a crowd. To me it doesn't just show you those characters, it makes you one of them feeling it. I only re-watch it maybe once a year cause its not necessarily a movie one enjoys, but you can't deny the art and craftsmanship.
AnimalStructure: Lynch is NOT done! Are you, sir? by bswise	Jun 7th, 2007 10:36:47 PM
Have you seen Inland Empire? One of the most original, intricate and refreshing movies I've ever seen. AND he wrote, shot, directed, co-edited, produced and distributed it himself. Who amongst us can do that?
This Year's Little Miss Hairyballs! by Paulseta	Jun 7th, 2007 11:26:21 PM
The big question is whether Viggo reads any poetry during the film. Cause if he does, I may have to not watch it.
"Viggo's Balls!" by TORTURE PWN	Jun 8th, 2007 12:17:11 AM
Soon to join the ranks of great exclamations in history such as "Great Caesar's ghost!","Odin's beard!","ByCrom!"& "This...is... SPARTA!"
They filmed this across the road from where I work! by Call me Kenneth	Jun 8th, 2007 03:57:11 AM
That's all I got...
Talking about Viggo's balls... by Thomas Cromwell	Jun 8th, 2007 04:49:20 AM
Are there ANY women who are AICN members (no pun intended). From what I read I reckon there are none. Anyone care to prove me wrong?
Relax, lads, a bit o balls wont hurt you by BenBraddock	Jun 8th, 2007 05:40:45 AM
This sounds like it could be a big hit with the ladies actually.. at least on DVD. Over to you, marketing dept.
How do you have a one-on-one with 3 people? by raw_bean	Jun 8th, 2007 05:57:29 AM
Still, sounds good. :^)
I wonder how big Viggo's Mortenson is... by The Mighty Molecule	Jun 8th, 2007 08:03:41 AM
seriously...
I'm sold on the hairy balls by Faust_8	Jun 8th, 2007 09:43:34 AM
Oh yeah, throw in some sausage and that pulls in the crowds ???
What's Cronenberg trying to accomplish? by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa	Jun 8th, 2007 10:18:05 AM
Anyone have any thoughts, musings on why he's diverted from the more overt gore/sex, almost avante-garde films to films like this and 'History'?
Always worthy of attention... by FleshMachine	Jun 8th, 2007 11:40:12 AM
Naked Lunch & Crash are 2 of my faves.
Cronenberg at Comic Con by AssWhole	Jun 8th, 2007 12:09:26 PM
I don't think he was bored...I think he was holding his breath, desperately trying not to breathe in the toxic B.O. from the hordes of slobby zombie comic nerds. I don't think it was a reflection of his attitude towards his own film. Not to mention, he was probably genuinely frightened of the overall scene.
Can't Wait by nyhillbilly	Jun 8th, 2007 12:22:43 PM
Loved History of Violence and have been waiting patiently for this one...bring it
Why couldn't Watts be doing the roundhouse kicks? by Christopher3	Jun 8th, 2007 02:20:58 PM
What a wasted opportunity.
I'm there by Lady Sheridan	Jun 8th, 2007 02:37:51 PM
Someone was asking if AICN had any chicks...well, I'm one. I hated AHOV but I'm still going to see this one, if only for naked Viggo. Incidentally, for anyone wanting a quick preview of The Sword Reforged, Viggo did full frontal in "The Indian Runner." I don't remember him being particularly well endowed.
::AnimalStructure:: by The Dum Guy	Jun 8th, 2007 07:54:29 PM
I'm under 25, but I watch alot movies so my taste are quite varied.
AHOV is neither great nor terrible. by ImFixingtoDie	Jun 9th, 2007 06:14:38 AM
It's a sold B+, mostly for Bello nudity and William Hurt's insanity.
Cronenberg+Violence+Balls... I am so there! by scrivener	Jun 9th, 2007 12:58:38 PM
I'll watch anything by Cronenberg... even if it does have Viggo's huge, bloody balls.
Great Review by bluebutterfly	Jun 9th, 2007 01:27:47 PM
I was reading this and thinking what a great reveiw this is! Thanks! And thanks for giving us something to talk about on all the VM boards! ;-)
25-30 age range by MediaNerd	Jun 9th, 2007 10:07:48 PM
i think why there may be such a jump in acknowledgment of Cronenberg at that time frame was because horror went through a mini psychological phase during late 80s early 90s. You had Cronenberg's "hits", Jacobs Ladder, Altered States, The Thing, D Lynch, ect that attempted to scare you not through just shock or jumps, but through fucking with your mind. Personally I'm not a fan of slasher or "jump out" scare flicks, so i placed a higher value on those that truly attacked the mind. I never found blood/body disgusting. so gore did nothing for me and jumps may shock for an instant, but carry no weight that will linger with you beyond that. Tapping into the psyche though will make you think and worry long after the movie has ended. And I'm not saying that this was a unique period to itself, obviously Hitchcock, Polanski, and others have gone down the mindfuck horror route, but that brief period stands out amongst most of the scare movies of the late 70s and 80s and the current crop we have now.
You left out videodrome.... by jamazio	Jun 23rd, 2007 10:24:42 PM
And lynch isn't finished. Inland Empire was tough but in the best possible way. He doesnt really make films anymore- he makes extended dream sequences just like his debut eraserhead, so if anything he's going back to his roots. I liked HOV but prefer his earlier bolder stuff. Videdrome is the best of the bunch without a doubt. And crash is magnificent- a truly touching romantic story thats also one of the bravest releases ever. I think he's been looking towards dramas rather than body horror since he made dead ringers apart from a few exceptions. Would still have preferred an all out mind fuck fest like videodrome though.
The Fly by Halfbreedqueen	Jun 28th, 2007 02:24:57 AM
any love?
Loads of love for the Fly by Col. Tigh-Fighter	Jun 28th, 2007 06:18:17 AM
And Videodrome. Like acid without the LSD

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