Eventually they relented, and they took me to TESB. Having never seen Darth Vader anywhere except in my sweaty little palm, I was terrified of his appearance onscreen, but it was the wampa that freaked me out. I screamed and literally ran from the theatre. My parents found me in the lobby, terrified beyond belief, and they had to take me home. I remember my mom was pissed as hell--she'd waited 3 years to see this film, and she had to leave early because her scared-ass son couldn't take it.

The first SW film I saw in the theatre (in its entirety) was ROTJ. By the that time I'd seen the first and second film on tv, and the action figures finally had voices for me. I saw it at the Indian Hills, a magnficent theatre that was turned into a parking lot (several documentaries were made about the demise of the Indian Hills--fucking fuckers at Methodist Hospital will fucking rot in fucking hell). I remember my dad telling me about the wonder of "surround sound" before we went to ROTJ, and I have a vivid memory of hearing Luke's lightsaber in my *right ear* as he tossed it aside in the final battle.

Anyway, thanks, Mori, for evoking all these memories. As atrocious as the prequels were, there is no denying that the OT was a historic series of films that fundamentally fucking affected the children of my generation. As much as I love LOTR (and I *do*), I am disappointed that my children wiil never experience such a life-changing series of films. The impact that SW had has not yet been duplicated, and I doubt it ever will.

Book sounds awesome, I guess I'll have to pick it up. :^)

If I can weigh in on the "raped my childhood" thing (I was 7), I always thought it was because of Lucas' whole revisionist history thing where through removing the original versions from the public and substituting them with the special eds (and their inferior storytelling changes and digital work obscuring the achievement of the original ILM guys) he bastardised not only the films but 'altered' our memories, as we only had these altered versions to refer to (until the half-arsed 'bonus' last year). If your old vhs copies were unplayable anyway. Is the 'rape' thing hilariously over the top? Sure, but I know what they're getting at.

I reckon the only thing to touch the jaw-dropping effect of SW since 77 was when Jurassic Park came out in 93 (even though it was the first movie to have its ending bastardised because of CG). It didn't change popular culture, but people did freak about how amazing those dinos were.

But what say you, Emerald Boy, on the subject of Star Wars?

The PT sadly, lacks any of that fun.

And Mori, just because someone gave you something wonderful once doesn't mean they can't irrevocably fuck it up later. Witness the myriad children abused by the very parents who gave them life.

"Childhood raping" = overdramtic disappointment for the emotionall immature ...although coming from a guy who refers to the transformers movie as "TINO", maybe that doesn't hold alot of water...

I truly believe that Lucas has learned his lesson and the new batch of SW stuff coming out is going to kick serious butt (esp. the Live-Action TV series) and everyone will forgive (not forget, albeit) the folly of the PT.

so dead on, as well as many of your other points.

And there's a thirty-year-old part of my brain that knew that without looking it up. So sad...

And STAR WARS didn't have EPISODE IV on it when it was released, so you're an idiot AND a liar.

Great review as always. I love learning about this sort of stuff. The "what if's" totally geek me out. I can't imaging "Boom,Boom" as Han.

"Get off my case, trash-compactor face!"

Have Travolta as Vader, "It's like so weird, here!"

Being a 30-something too, I totally agree that Lucas gave me my chilhood too.

I don't think Lucas raped anybody's childhood. But I do think that the movies are far more reflective of whatever is going on around Lucas both personally and in society than he or the weak minded are willing to admit. This stuff is clearly not part of some overall grand scheme. ANH reflects the work of a younger man more in touch with his peers and the films of the era. The space talk was toned down and everybody was a little hipper. Luke, Leia and Han reflected both movie heroes and young people at the time (compare 'em with Anakin, Padme and Obi Wan in the prequels who come across as tight asses being spoofed). EMPIRE was fast and fun with the power of the revelation, showing a mature, master filmmaker behind the process. ROTJ was pure Regan-era cheese, fun and sweet but sort of that faux-waifish rejection of '70s grit.

The prequels? They had great moments, but when almost everyone is a knight or a queen, who reflects the modern American kid? Lucas was seriously out of touch. They are films made by a man in his late 50s, early 60s. Slower, more ponderous and burdened by certain events that had to happen. In EMPIRE, Lucas (with Kershner and Kasdan) did an excellent job of showing a youth betrayed by a parent. The prequels lacked that defining moment. When we're young, we're not motivated by politcal strife. Anakin should have had a gut wrenching betrayal by the Jedi that turned him, and Lucas blew it. Maybe in real life, people are destined to become jerks but in drama we gotta see that catalyst.

Trust me, if you're interested in the history of Star Wars, from the beginning right up to the release of Episode III, you really need to check this out. Even if you read "The Making of Star Wars" you STILL won't know everything.

Oh and I'm assuming that there will be spaces in the URL...so just get rid of the spaces and you're good to go.

If I was to do the prequels, I would have made Anakin a little older and started the romance earlier but other than that, there is nothing I would really change.

Palpatine's manipulation of events throughout the trilogy is just...well, brilliant, Lucas at his best (while the romance plot was probably Lucas at his worst...though you have to remember, it was modelled after the serials of the 30's and 40's).

The whole idea of how a good kid turns bad is infinitely better than a cliche'd love triangle...remember, Obi-wan and Anakin were friends, not bitter rivals chasing the same girl.

Also, Darth Vader being Luke's father wasn't always there...in fact it wasn't until 1978, AFTER the original film was released, that Lucas came up with the idea and he essentially merged Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader into one man which immediately gave Empire Strikes Back a darker tone throughout making it a more personal story. Before that, Empire was going to be more like A New Hope, light-hearted and fun.

I'm not denying that the films have flaws, but the story that Lucas crafted is up their with the best stories of the last 100 years. People just seem to be too hung up on Jar Jar to take any notice.

Seriously, I want to know because so far all I've heard about TPM is how Jar Jar sucks and how Anakin keeps saying "Yippee". Anytime I see someone criticise the prequels, they focus on dialogue and effects and pretty much ignore the story.

I have no problem with people criticising the prequels, to each their own, but if someone is going to criticise or praise something, I think there needs to be a valid reason.

I'm under no illusions. I know the dialogue sucks, I know that Jar Jar is annoying and that the editing of AOTC wasn't great. But I've yet to hear somebody offer a valid criticism of the overall story told in the prequels.

I'm not arguing over the technical flaws...in fact I agree with most of the people who point them out, but I'm talking about the story, which is just as good as the story from the original trilogy and it could be argued that as a trilogy, the PT works better, since the OT was essentially A New Hope...then two sequels that were very different.

The original ending with the bulldozer was changed (I was working on the merchandising at the time - bleh - and have the original version) at the last minute when Spielberg decided everyone would be so knocked out by the T-Rex that he really needed to bring it back at the end. Which is all fine and don't get me wrong I love the movie, but with the trademark SS telegraphing at it's height through the rest of the film it's even more blatant the way the Rex is shoehorned in there without any buildup in a Deuz-ex-machina style which is so UN-Spielberg (WOTW doesn't count) just so he could get a little more CG goodness in there. Now you know.

When Palpatine reveals himself to Anakin, the turn was suppoed to happen then and there but Lucas realised that it was too quick and so he reshot the scenes, so that Anakin actually sided with the Jedi and it was only after Mace fought Palpatine that he knew he would have to choose...he either had to stay as a Jedi and let Mace kill Palpatine, or save Palpatine to save Padme...he couldn't have both. He chose Padme.

The only problem with that though is that the way it was shot, you end up with Anakin still being a good person, a reluctant apprentice to Sidious...and then moments later he willingly kills children, which doesn't really fit with the portrayal of the character up to that point.

As for your idea, well there was actually a subplot for ROTS where Palpatine was manipulating Anakin, trying to make him think that Obi-Wan was having an affair with Padme. It wasn't true, but it was enough for Anakin to begin to doubt his friend. The subplot was cut from the final film though some remnants do remain.

So while I don't agree with an actual love triangle, making Anakin think that there is something going on, is something that Lucas worked with for a while.

Anyways, I have to go, but before I do, I'll address the Padme issue.

Basically, Anakin turns to the Dark Side to save his wife...but the irony is, turning to the Dark Side is actually what kills her. Now, I'm sure most of you don't really buy the whole "she died of a broken heart" thing, and neither do I. In the script, Anakin's attack on Padme was much more violent and may have worked better...but PG-13 means you can burn someone alive but not beat up your wife :P

Knights of the Old Republic? The Sith are BAD ASS. The OT? The Empire is BAD ASS(mostly). The PT? Who gives a fuck about the Trade Federation? Turns out, the Sith are a bunch of backstabbing pussies. I am ashamed of myself, for fearing and respecting them for 25 years.

The Prequel Trilogy is just a mess.

THe originals weren't a brilliant and complex story, at least not by design...they were an accident, for lack of a better word.

In the first draft of Empire, Anakin appears to Luke as a Force Ghost on Dagobah...at the time, he WASN'T Luke's father. When Lucas decided to merge the two seperate characters of Anakin and Vader, it changed everything, but it wasn't originally planned. And by Return of the Jedi, Lucas agreed not to make episodes 7-9 essentially to save his marraige (which fell apart anyway when Marcia began having an affair) and so condensed the story to wrap it up with 6 (Lucas was also burnt out and wanted to raise a family anyway).

As for the clone wars, well Boba Fett always had a role to play in them from the very beginning and I agree it would have been good to have seen more of them in the movies.

However, you can actually blame the movie everyone loves - The Empire Strikes Back for the way the prequels turned out, and for Return of the Jedi. When Lucas made Vader Lukes father, the entire nature of the saga changed...the original concept of Obi-Wan fighting in the clones wars changed because at that point, the story became about Darth Vader...yep, it's Empires fault that the clone wars went down the way theu did. As soon as the saga became about Vader, then the backstory had to be about him as well, hence the reason we first meet Anakin as a child. Everything that's happeed in the movies that people don't like can be traced back to that moment in 1978 when Lucas merged Vader and Anakin together.

One final thing...what does a Star Wars movie feel like? Empire, Clones and Sith are nothing like the original, Menace and Jedi are the closest to ANH that we get...so if anything, it's Empire and co that don't feel like Star Wars films.

Lucas' original concept of the prequels was very vague, but basically it was about two Jedi Knights, Obi-Wan and Anakin, who are essentially best friends and they go off to fight in the clone wars together along with Darth Vader, Obi-Wan's apprentice. At some point near the end of the clone wars, Vader turns to the Dark Side and murders Anakin while hunting down the Jedi. Distraught and angry, Obi-Wan hunts Vader down and almost kills him. But when Lucas merged the two characters of Vader and Anakin, the story of the prequels changed. It became about Anakin's fall from grace, rather than Vader's who was no longer a seperate character.

The reason Lucas made Anakin a child in Menace was to drive home the idea that Anakin wasn't some demon spawn destined to betray the Jedi, he wasn't evil incarnate...Anakin was a good person and Lucas wanted to show that, to show his innocence and lack of greed as a kid...the idea being that Anakin didn't start out bad, he was good...but even the innocent can be corrupted.

It should be noted though, that despite the changes to the prequel concept after Empire and Jedi, some things did remain...most notably, Order 66 and the lava duel.

The interesting thing about Revenge of the Sith is that the first draft covered pretty much everything. All the little subplots and side-stories, things like what happened with Boba Fett were to be covered but Lucas discovered that the whole thing was just too blaoated so he pretty much cut everything out and went at it again, this time focussing solely on Anakin's fall.

Also, regarding the clone wars, the original opening for Revenge of the Sith was going to be seven battles on seven planets and Dooku was to die much later on...in fact General Grevious' role was actually Dooku's. Anakin and Obi-Wan would hunt Dooku down and Anakin would kill him and turn to the Dark Side, mirroring Return of the Jedi where if Luke killed his father, he would have turned.

Agaimn, Lucas realised that the turn was too abrupt and rather than focussing on Anakin's lust for power, he focussed on Anakin's love for Padme being what drove him reluctantly into darkness.

The history of the Star Wars saga is actually a very interesting subject and it's fascinating to discover the changes made over the years. Even Empire and Jedi weren't supposed to happen the way they did.

A lot of what Lucas has said ove the last few years actually contradicts what he said back in the 80s and also contradicts the scripts and outlines he had written. He says today that Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker were always the same person, that the story was always "the tragedy of Darth Vader". This is simply not true.

The one thing that bothers me about Lucas is that he seems to feel the need to lie about the origins of Star Wars and the evolution of the story over the years. There was no big master plan, the story evolved and changed, much like how Tolkeins sequel to The Hobbit went from a fairly light-hearted direct sequel to an epic saga called Lord of the Rings.

The only thing I would consider changing about ROTJ would be to add more ewoks...yes I said more...if a bunch of teddy bears are going to defeat the Empire's best troops then they need to have overwhelming numbers...hmm sounds like a reason for another special edition :D

As for Anakin's turn...well you have to remember that he thinks Padme is going to die. He'll do anything to save her. I have no problem with that. What bothers me is that Anakin goes from a reluctant traitor in one scene to a child killer in the next, which is a result of inconsistencies between drafts. As someone who analyses every plot point, every line of dialogue (the depth in everything is amazing) I have to say, after watching the saga from I-VI, I really got a sense of satisfaction with Anakin's last line:

"You were right...you were right about me...tell your sister you were right..."

The interesting thing is, even back in the das of the originals, Lucas said that he wasn't sure that people would like the prequels because they were very different in style and tone to the originals.

I was sitting there agog with excitement, the lights had dimmed the magical scrolling text comes up and it's.....about a fucking tax dispute in the outer rim.

What a complete let down. It was like buying a wank mag and getting home to find some shithead had put a copy of the economist inside the cover.

having said that, TPM is not the worst film of the series, that honour goes to AOTC- which is the only film I have ever got my money back for.

Whilst Ewoks do indeed blow, ROTJ is far better than all prequels combined.

The single biggest flaw with the PT was Hayden Christensen. His role was the lynchpin to making the whole trilogy work, as it was about his fall. The role needed someone very charismatic, with unlimited potential, almost like a swashbuckler with a projection of fun and adventure yet a twinkle of evil in his eye. It needed "Luke with an edge" not "Luke after shock treatment." It also needed a big guy physically, not a skinny short dude.

The great, complex man about whom Obi Wan said, "I fought with your father during the clone wars" needed to be this tragic figure who you felt sorry for, not some high school kid athlete who decided he wanted to quit the football team and act like a goth kid. When he turned, it needed to be about this world-shifting person falling under the spell of the Emperor because of ambition. In the OT, Vader says "you do not know the power of the dark side." He was supposed to be seduced by the power of the dark side, not his love of a woman or feelings of not being promoted. It was supposed to be all about control, the same control as choking a person with the force.

Christensen just flat out sucked as an actor and ruined every scene he was in. He made Natalie Portman look bad in romantic scenes (some of the worst kissing and love scenes of all time). He made Ewan McGregor seem like he was acting to blue screen. And he killed any sense of urgency or evil coming from Ian McDiarmid. Those three are usually good in most scenes without him, but Hayden sucked the life out of all of them. He was like an acting black hole. He had no gravitas, or depth, or charisma. He was just a boring kid in real life getting by on his athletic ability and not anyone you pictured when you wanted to see the great Anakin Skywalker fall. I don't know why Lucas picked him.

However, nothing was as bad as Hayden NEVERWORKAGAINSSEN's delivery of "THEY WERE ANIMALS, SO I KILLED THEM LIKE ANIMALS" in AOTC, delivery so wooden it should be chopped down and made into a table.

I think you are missing my point about what a fucking let down the film was. It's not that a machiavellian main villain isn't a good thing- Iago is one of the most evil bastards ever, but this is Star Wars, and a display of politics is, well, just not star wars. It is dull, dull, dull.

see?

maybe to preserve continuity he should CGI Ewan McGregor into every scene of Ghost Obi-Wan.

that would work

The idea that Palpatine can take over and create an oppressive regime by manipulation rather than invasion is a scary thought.

In an early draft of TPM, there was no vote of no confidence. Palpatine just appeared at the end and said he was the new Chancellor without any mention of a vote or that Valorum was forced to step down, which made no sense.

In the finished film, the idea of the vote was put in there, thus eliminating the plot hole.

As for the taxation of trade routes, that was nothing more than a plot device to get Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to Naboo and give a reason for the invasion of the planet. Palpatine is the ultimate puppet master.

I know a lot of prequels fans have a tendancy to say "you just don't get them" and to a certain extent that may be true. But I fully understand that there are legitimate reasons for people not liking the films. What bothers me is that rather than looking under the surface or even paying attention, some people just give it a quick glance, decide they don't like it and then start up backlash, and most of them don't even know why they hate the film.

I'm not saying you fall into that category Lost Prophet, I'm just commenting that it's something I've noticed. It also seems to be "cool" to hate Star Wars these days so a lot of people just seem to jump on the bandwagon to be part of the "in" crowd.

Now I have no problem with somebody not liking a film, though if somebody attacks me for liking the film or attacks my views on the film without valid reasons and arguments, then I will defend the prequels until my dying breath. Other than that it''s all good.