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You’ve Seen The Filthy Billboards, And Now We’ve Got A CAPTIVITY Review!

first? by darthhirsty	Mar 22nd, 2007 07:47:37 AM
oh yes
smells like hostel by WolfmanNards	Mar 22nd, 2007 07:53:56 AM
shit shit shit shit shit
ELISHA CUTHBERT GOTTA EAT by Pound Sand	Mar 22nd, 2007 08:01:39 AM
Mori your right on: Imagine, when you were a kid, the kinds of things that spooked you were teevee clowns, or haunted houses. Nowadays, you can be strolling down the street and there's a huge billboard of a bound and gagged woman, or myriad other torture pwn imagery ready to insert itself into your brain forever. Oh well, at least nobody's taking their young nephew to movies like this...
"In true Paris Hilton fashion they do it." by Pound Sand	Mar 22nd, 2007 08:06:07 AM
Does that mean it's grainy, out of focus, poorly acted and boring? Or does it mean that Captivity is THIS YEAR'S LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE?
"billboard art in places where kids can see it" by newc0253	Mar 22nd, 2007 08:08:03 AM
i guess having a kid really does change you, huh Mori? because i thought those billboards were no worse that most other horror posters these days. if the kids can deal with seeing severed fingers on the 'Saw' posters, or the generic looks of terror you get in crap like 'The Silent Hills Have Eyes Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning', then they'll be able to cope with foxy Elisha Cuthbert looking trapped and scared. Whoever marketed this flick has got to be laughing themselves to the bank: with one fell swoop, they've managed to drum up enough synthetic outrage so that everyone has now seen those posters.
So does she show the boobies or what... by skycrapper	Mar 22nd, 2007 08:12:44 AM
Otherwise why would anyone be remotely interested in this film.
how about by council estate scumbag	Mar 22nd, 2007 08:14:23 AM
posting some actual cool news like the name says on this site. i'm bored, son
Boobies by Brody77	Mar 22nd, 2007 08:24:43 AM
Like the man says, if she doesn't show 'em, nobody's gonna be watching! Hope she's waxed her 'tache as well!
Damn you, Michael's Billboard. by MCMLXXVl	Mar 22nd, 2007 08:28:32 AM
You bayniacs! You blew it up! Damn you all to hell!
Uhm, spoiler warning, anybody? by BizarroJerry	Mar 22nd, 2007 08:33:56 AM
I mean, I know you called this a warning, but you really shouldn't be doing that. Not that I would ever see a movie like this. But is it me, or is this complete recitation of movie plots on sites like this one getting out of control. It's amazing how quickly the critic's "honor system" with movie reviews has gone away. Newspaper and TV critics wouldn't release early reviews, and wouldn't consider revealing the plot. Even with spoiler warnings, it seems weird that the movie plots are all easily found out long in advance.
I'm with BizarroJerry. by Frank Black	Mar 22nd, 2007 08:43:01 AM
Even if I wasn't going to run and see this, I don't want to know major plot points without a spoiler warning, though the f*ing studios give as much away in their preview trailers these days. Even the worst movies that we know before hand how bad they are, we want to be surprised. It isn't right to punish the filmmaker because you don't like the film or because you want to get the company back for their publicity stunt (especially in the first paragraph of the review and so abruptly.) It makes me mad when people attack Moriarty on this site or when they diss the site in general because many of us have been here for years but the negativity should never come from the site itself or be condoned. I would have seen this crap on DVD for the fun of it (and I would have figured out the plot twists on my own in 2 seconds) but I want to be the one that does it not some internet site playing movie god! That said, I would have paid a hundred bucks to see this if Cuthbert had been naked but now I never will.
Well good, now we know for sure it was a POS by godzillasushi	Mar 22nd, 2007 08:48:07 AM
Cheers to the garbage.
wait, this was directed by Roland Joffe? by newc0253	Mar 22nd, 2007 09:12:17 AM
the guy's been twice nominated for an oscar (killing fields, the mission). what the fuck happened to him? he must have fallen off the wagon in a really big way.
THIS YEAR'S LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE PLANT!!! by Err	Mar 22nd, 2007 09:13:20 AM
Oh wait...a bad review on AICN? Doth mine eyes deceive me?
I hate to change the subject. . . by Nice Marmot	Mar 22nd, 2007 09:40:19 AM
. . . but when the hell did my hooded sweatshirt become a "hoodie?" Hearing them called that grates on my nerves. It sounds so snotty and seems like everybody calls them that now.
re:jfp2006 by Kraken	Mar 22nd, 2007 09:43:02 AM
"crash deserved to beat out the queers" ... amazing. You did get the surface level message of CRASH right? Sigh, never mind.
Back of gents, she's mine! by RogueWarrior65	Mar 22nd, 2007 09:45:42 AM
As soon as we're married (or dating) I'll convince her to take on some better roles.
Joffe directed Super Mario Bros.? by Osmosis Jones	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:00:30 AM
Um...no.
Get with the program, Nice Marmot by Franklin T Marmoset	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:02:50 AM
No one has time to say complete phrases or even multisyllabic words anymore. We are all too busy! Enjoy calling it a hoodie while you can, because soon the kids will be talking about their hoos, and you won't know what the hell they're on about. Anyway, nice talking to you, NiMar. L8r! Yr pal, FTM.
Ah, Courtney Solomon.... by jollysleeve	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:04:50 AM
...How I perk up when I hear that name. I can't tell you how much joy this man has brought to my life ever since I discovered his work.
BizarroJerry by AragornElfstone	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:05:51 AM
So, you didn't notice the big red box around the link with "Spolier" down the side?
I am with by landocolt45	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:06:28 AM
Brody and skycrapper, if Elisha shows some boobs and more I am there too. But I think I will wait for DVD. Looks like a cut and paste now-a-days "horror" flick. BTW Harry NICE Blades of Glory toon.
AragornElfstone... by Frank Black	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:08:07 AM
I sure didn't notice the spoiler box until you pointed it out, as it is pretty tiny but I stand corrected.
i'll wait for the remake by Spandau Belly	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:12:09 AM
or the prequel, whichever comes first.
Isn't there a Direct-To-Video (DVD) market anymore? by IAmLegolas	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:14:08 AM
Because that's where this movie belongs.
FUCKING GODDAMNED SPOILER WARNING!!! by beastie	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:19:35 AM
I have no idea if I was going to see this or not, but PUT A FUCKIING SPOILER WARNING!!! He gives away the end of the movie in the first sentence. You may not like the movie, but THAT'S NO REASON TO RUIN IT FOR THE PEOPLE WHO DO PLAN TO SEE IT!!!
I'm definitely seeing this... by jollysleeve	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:21:39 AM
...I'm sick of THE MAN telling me what to think and say! Damn Christian conservatives stickin' their noses in everyone's business! They took down the billboards. That's censorship! I'll show them. I'm going to see this movie twice. No one tells me what to see and not see. I'm my own man. I'm sick of my parents. FIGHT THE POWER!
Spoiler Warning on the Home Page by AragornElfstone	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:24:26 AM
For those of you who haven't noticed, AICN has started to put their spoiler warnings on their links. Anything that is considered spoilery is given a red outline box with the word "SPOILER" down the side, and the link is highlighted in dark red when you hover your mouse over it. So, they are letting you know before you ever get to the page if there will be spoilers.
But where does the hook thru the nose... by Space oddity	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:27:33 AM
come in? I feel properly enticed by the lure of hook-through-nose. It dominates approximately one fourth of the marketing campaign. I read nothing in this explaining the no doubt tantalizing set-up of a hook through the nose.
Bus stop posters. by Barry Egan	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:42:39 AM
The only things I have seen in terms of promotional stuff for this are the big bus stop posters and they just show a close-up of a woman's face through chain link.
Usually, there is major spoiler warning in the text. by beastie	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:43:28 AM
Usually AICN puts either a countdown or Moriarty/Harry/etc. lets you know with the phrase "Major spoilers" before the artical. I was expecting to find out what the guy liked and disliked with a warning before he got to the spoilers, but No. He started the review with the end of the movie. Granted I'm sick of this kind of movie and probably won't see it, but there's always a chance.
We love torture! by adolfwolfli	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:43:45 AM
From The Hollywood Reporter: Joel Surnow, creator of TV's "24", is currently planning a reality TV show in which lucky Arab-American contestants are captured, imprisoned, and auctioned off to the highest bidder to be tortored mercilessly by ex-con military contractors. The show will be filmed on a faithful soundstage recreation (down to the blood and urine smears on the floor) of Abu Ghraib prison, and will be hosted by horror filmmaker Eli Roth. Roth is the "director" of the successful Hostel series of motion pictures, and is considered by many to be the figurehead of the modern "torture porn" filmmaking movement. Backed by a joint venture between FOX news and the U.S. Department of Defense, one of the show's many goals is to further inure the mindless and shallow U.S. citizenry to visions of agony and suffering, therefore paving the way toward less "blowback" as various factions of the United States' military continue to use the not-so-effective practice of torture to extract information from illegally-detained "enemy combatants". No stranger to controversy, Surnow remarked: "All these towelheads are terrorists anyway, so it's just some harmless fun".
Joffe DID do some directing duties on Super Mario by triplefive	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:44:10 AM
uncredited directing duties, to be precise. that film had no less than 4 directors working on it.
"and" scene? by supermarch	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:55:52 AM
Wow. An appropriately retarded review of a retarded movie.
When did we decide to hate Crash? by ejcarter9	Mar 22nd, 2007 11:13:27 AM
I didn't get the memo.
now that I think of it... by Frank Black	Mar 22nd, 2007 11:21:48 AM
I think the spoiler box was put on after I clicked it because the article was lower on the page, other articles had been posted above it and now it is on the top of the page.
sorry, but the spoiler box means jack diddley on AICN: by newc0253	Mar 22nd, 2007 11:35:24 AM
in an average week, half the stories will have a spoiler box, which may mean anything from fairly trivial details (e.g. actor x only appears in a couple of scenes)to major plot points (e.g. vader is luke's dad). on this review, the movie's big twist is pretty much the first thing you read. as the review notes later on, the twist is apparently fairly obvious. nonetheless, for that kind of thing, you at least expect an additional warning in the intro of the piece.
so much overreaction for the BILLBOARDS by Evil Hobbit	Mar 22nd, 2007 11:40:04 AM
We got naked billboards all over the place in the netherlands. The boobs on the billboard wasn't even uncovered. It was absolutely not offensive or something. Kids won't even get the shock value. Here is the poster http://www.adrants.com/images/ captivity-cu.jpg It's nothing special. We had the Ken Park pussy licking one sheet all over the city a few years ago, not a word of complaints. Netherlands is such a layed back country when it comes to these things. Thank god.
Um - by Samson_K	Mar 22nd, 2007 11:51:18 AM
I wasn't really sure about Mori's statement that said something about these billboards and the 'printing mix up' thing being hard because it makes it harder for people who are really trying hard to push boundaries etc. Does this mean that disturbing posters for shitty generic studio movies are bad but disturbing posters / billboards for 'cutting edge cool films' are okay? See, I just reckon that if a kid is going to be freaked out by a poster / billboard then they won't really give a flying fuck who directed the film it advertises! And I agree these billboards weren't too bad!
Dude, you need a memo to hate Crash? by wackmeupb4ugogo	Mar 22nd, 2007 12:00:40 PM
Yeah, looked like the whole Captivity advertising campaign is nothing more than bait and switch. Doesn't look anything lurid like Hostel, where it really was disgusting. Looks to me, like an afternoon special prepped for quick grab the money and run theatre run before the word gets out. Well, done, marketing drones.
Mori overreacts with the best of them... by -guyinthebackrow	Mar 22nd, 2007 12:11:17 PM
Will someone please think about the children!!!
Just think,if Anna Nicole Smith was on the billboard... by tonagan	Mar 22nd, 2007 12:38:27 PM
Moriarty would have had a brain hemorrhage right there on the street...
Torture movies = gay porn by AvengingFist	Mar 22nd, 2007 12:41:26 PM
shit on your brain cells.
Where's the boobies? by cdubbs727	Mar 22nd, 2007 12:47:45 PM
Okay, I don't understand Mori's statement about "boobies" in the billboard. She was fully clothed. And yes, I think the subject matter is disturbing (leading to the termination is unsettling). But honestly, I don't think the billboard is any more graphic than the video boxes I used to see at the video store all the time...or what about, as someone posted, the Saw posters? This is just a lame publicity stunt to get a big opening weekend for a likely craptastic movie.
PLANT! by solartaco3	Mar 22nd, 2007 12:56:48 PM
Why not?
anyone who thinks this is too graphic by pate	Mar 22nd, 2007 12:59:03 PM
is retarded!
What's with the Crash love? by Sidius	Mar 22nd, 2007 01:03:03 PM
What is it about Crash that makes people think it's a good film? Is it the trite over-generalization of race issues? Is it the fact that Sandra Bullock falls on her ass and is magically cured her of racism. Who knew it was so easy? Is it the fact that LA is portrayed as an overtly racist and bigotted city? Despite the fact that LA is also the most cosmopolitan and accepting city in the United States. If La is this racist what happens in the rest of America on a daily basis? I mean who gets into an accident and gets out of their car to scream racial slurs? What 1% of the populiation of LA would ever do that?
These are nothing compared to the SAW posters so by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies	Mar 22nd, 2007 01:07:08 PM
why are people fucking whining. The only difference between this marketing campaign and the one for saw and a raft of other movies is that this film is likely trash and will flop. Still, I thought SAW was trash as well so what do I know...
jfp2006. by Sidius	Mar 22nd, 2007 01:14:36 PM
You convinced me. Well put. Let me clarify one thing. I don't think Crash is a terrible film. I enjoyed the performances by a lot of the characters and portions of the story. I just don't think that it's a Best Picture or even close. It takes broad generalizations about people (apparently in the real world) and just runs with it. Some of the reactions are so ridiculous I don't see how anyone can buy into it. But your argument was much better. And you just changed my whole perspective.
Aragorn... I didn't see that warning by BizarroJerry	Mar 22nd, 2007 01:16:47 PM
But, I don't think that little spoiler tag cuts it when the following article reveals most of the plot, including what are supposed to be the big surprises of the movie. And to be honest, I was also arguing that these detailed plot summary spoilers shouldn't even be put out on the internet at all. It just dilutes everything. It's especially bad when they've obviously been posted to sabotage the movie because the critic hates it.
Damn you, Mori! by BannedOnTheRun	Mar 22nd, 2007 01:39:08 PM
How's the logic go? If you don't like your toddlers exposed to giant images of women being tortured and killed, DON'T TAKE THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE. It's your own damn fault, see?
Just got off the phone with torture by Motoko Kusanagi	Mar 22nd, 2007 02:10:10 PM
it says it's porn
How about a spoiler warning? by Trazadone	Mar 22nd, 2007 02:13:43 PM
Gee thanks asshole for deciding that the film isn't worth my time by ruining it for me. Fuck you.
Super Mario Bros was great by WolfmanNards	Mar 22nd, 2007 03:49:03 PM
and it was a lot better than it deserved to be. Some plumbers fight mushrooms and have to beat a lizard guy to save the princess...
F the MPAA by Dr Gregory House	Mar 22nd, 2007 03:53:16 PM
Titties never hurt nobody.
Damn you Michael Bay by MCMLXXVI	Mar 22nd, 2007 03:58:55 PM
Damn you Michael Bay
So... by hadez	Mar 22nd, 2007 04:26:06 PM
does Elisha show her boobs or what?
The Spoiler Warning is on the box/link by Undead Neverhood	Mar 22nd, 2007 04:46:52 PM
Pay attention you idiots.
Undead Neverwood by Frank Black	Mar 22nd, 2007 05:01:45 PM
It wasn't this morning UN when this article was 1st posted and it is very small but the thing that is annoying is that the biggest spoiler is in the first paragraph and meant to obviously spoil the film in a very direct and mean-spirited way and it is an out of line practice by anyone, never mind someone involved in the movie making process.
No Nudity by The Helper Monkey	Mar 22nd, 2007 05:04:18 PM
Not only does Elisha Cuthbert not show the goodies but there was no nudity whatsoever. No boobies. No beaver. Not even any side tit. Nothing. Nada. I did see it over a year ago so who knows what they've added since.
In CAPTIVITY... by Darkman	Mar 22nd, 2007 05:08:20 PM
A spoiler warning needed for an entry into the torture porn sweepstakes? Ooooookay. Thanks for the heads up. Poor Roland Joffe. What the hell happened?! Oh, and here's one more sort-of defense of SUPER MARIO BROS.: a guilty pleasure if ever there was one.
Sounds like cack by Cat_Corporation	Mar 22nd, 2007 05:13:15 PM
Shouldn't this so-called 'torture-porn' shit be over now? Boreddddddd!!
Mario Bro's??? by garcicr	Mar 22nd, 2007 05:20:22 PM
I F'n loved that movie how come no sequal??? They set it up great... I know Roxett needs the money.
Idiot by dustyhalo	Mar 22nd, 2007 06:39:03 PM
I don't care if there was a spoiler warning on the link. Common internet practice is to put in the article that the spoiler follows. Even spoiler filled articles can have interesting facts and that is why they warn you the spoiler is coming. This is just another self-important Monkey wannabe critic who thinks he is the shit. Asshole. Let me enjoy my popcorn movie if I want. Lazy ass. Hey great, I don't come here that often and now I don't have half as many articles to read since I don't know where the fucking spoiler is in the article. Now I can come here less. &#@&!#@$@#$@!X#!$%* Idiot!
That's great. Spoiler in the first few words! by Quake II	Mar 22nd, 2007 07:08:01 PM
Way to fuck it up for everyone. I would never see it, so you did just save me some time and money on this SAW rip-off.
Hooray for the spoiler! by AvengingFist	Mar 22nd, 2007 07:29:49 PM
you just saved million of folks their money.
Joffe by kwisatzhaderach	Mar 22nd, 2007 07:42:49 PM
The Killing Fields...Super Mario Bros. Wow.
My God, from the director of The Killing Fields? by NoPIX	Mar 22nd, 2007 09:34:55 PM
That is just sad. But then again, he did direct the Scarlet Letter, but still.....
I do like Elisha Cuthbert though... by Napolean Solo	Mar 22nd, 2007 09:37:43 PM
She will get seriously maimed with 3 inches of long hard Cockula! I mean 4 inches!!!!!!!
The movie poster is better than the movie... by Prof. Pop-Cult	Mar 22nd, 2007 09:43:09 PM
That poster of Elisha Cuthbert "sealed in carbonite" rocks. I want to buy it. The best movie poster of 2007, so far.
If people don't see what's objectionable about the by Bronx Cheer	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:48:06 PM
billboards with the four panels of torture scenes, then I prey for their families. Jeebus Christmas, those ads were sick. Mori's right, and it has nothing to do with the kid. It has everything to do with "What in the hell is wrong with you assholes trying to be so fucking 'cutting edge' you have to resort to filth and depravity?"
What about going from "Mad Max" to "Happy Feet?" by Bronx Cheer	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:52:06 PM
George Miller's resume is more mind-bending than Joffe's fall.
You Ever See The Mission? by Professor Krapp	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:55:19 PM
That is a seriously good film. It's in the top 20 of my 300+ DVDs. I can't believe this is what he's doing now. And Killing Fields, that's no cinematic slouch either. Wow. Wow.
its End Sceen by Drworm2002	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:55:20 PM
not And scene. stupid fuck
Drworm2002, You Mean End Scene by Professor Krapp	Mar 22nd, 2007 10:56:21 PM
Stupid Fuck.
Hell, forget about putting Miller and Joffe together. by Bronx Cheer	Mar 22nd, 2007 11:00:35 PM
Miller made "Babe: Pig in the City" which was terrific, and wrote "Babe." That puts "Happy Feet" in that continuum. I wish he had not done "Thunderdome" but that's only because of that bungee cage fighting crap. At the end of the day (or night, which it is now), anyone who gives us "Mad Max," "Road Warrior" and the pig movies can toss a couple of shit logs on the fire. And "Happy Feet" was one of the strangest animated releases from one of the majors I have ever seen. The penguins were too real, entering the valley of the uncanny, and the message was a trip. Y'all get back to your stuff now.
It's stoopid fucke, not stupid fuck. Come on now. by Bronx Cheer	Mar 22nd, 2007 11:02:39 PM
Nngh.
I hear a lot of people dissing Mario Brother, but by rbatty024	Mar 22nd, 2007 11:03:32 PM
I know you all secretly want a sequel. Bob Hoskins' best role in a lifetime of good roles, people de-evolving into monkeys, that "do the dinosaur" song, and Dennis Hopper overacting his way into my heart. It was a film made in heaven. Remember people, denial isn't just a river in Egypt. Oh, and trust the fungus.
Yeah, "Mario Bros" and "Picnic at Hanging Rock" by Bronx Cheer	Mar 22nd, 2007 11:05:55 PM
are two of my faves. Well, "Picnic" anyway.
You "Spoiler Cry Babies" make me happy! by Bob Cryptonight	Mar 22nd, 2007 11:34:01 PM
I thoroughly enjoy your rage! So, everyone, keep those spoilers coming WITHOUT WARNINGS!!!!!! Let's drive these assholes to tears!
It's actually "...AND scene!" in the theater, dimwits.. by Bob Cryptonight	Mar 22nd, 2007 11:36:20 PM
That's what the director will say during a rehearsal (although it's sort of a cliche by now).
But the spoiler was there to save you. by rbatty024	Mar 23rd, 2007 12:11:47 AM
Kind of like how you have to put down a dog when it has rabies. This film also had to be "put to sleep." Or, as my parents told me, sold to some farm upstate.
There was a spoiler warning... by PurityOfEssence	Mar 23rd, 2007 12:26:30 AM
The article had a spoiler box on the main page.
Captivity is directed by a two-time Oscar nominee by theshape78	Mar 23rd, 2007 02:51:34 AM
I will be honest and say that I have seen the film. My review is up at www.horrorreview.com for your viewing pleasure. And I saw this months ago before After Dark Films picked it up for distribution during the studio bidding war for it. With the current onslaught of over-the-top gore that audiences expect nowadays, I found Captivity to be a brilliant breath of fresh air. It's written by a 68 year old scribe named Larry Cohen. For most of you on this board, you may be saying "who the hell is that?" Let me tell you a little something about Larry...in the eighties, he brought us a little gem called "The Stuff". A classic of the genre that begs to be remade. Larry also created the Maniac Cop franchise. An incredible B film that's still entertaining audiences today. 'Scream, Baby Scream'--a 1969 film--is also a forefather to the modern hack/slash crap being made today. Larry is one of the writers to stand the test of time. In 1990 he made Eric Roberts pretty damn cool in 'The Ambulance' and in '93 he made Rebecca De Mornay hotter than Paris Hilton in 'Guilty as Sin'. A couple years ago he scripted the little tale that had Hollywood shakers on its toes with 'Phone Booth' which at one point had Michael Bay hot after it...his biggest obstacle was getting Colin out of the phone booth. Cohen followed that with the David 'Snakes on a Plane' Ellis film 'Cellular'. Enough said about the writer of Captivity...he would school the crap out of any writer in this town. Moving onto Roland Joffe. "The Killing Fields", "The Mission", "Goodbye Lover", MTV's popular series "Undressed"... What more can I say about this talented director? The problem with cinephiles today is that they have A.D.D. They have absolutely no concept of what makes a slow burn of an atmospheric horror film. Look at films like 'The Day of the Jackal', 'The Haunting of Hill House', 'Death Wish'...we all knew the outcome of the film but it was about the journey getting there. Today, unfortunately, we have all of these talented music video directors moving into film and it's not working. They're trying to cram 90 minutes into 60 seconds and our attention span is lessening. One film that springs to mind is the ill-conceived Hitcher remake. The writing aside was beyond juvenile but the directing, yikes. The sequence with Sean Bean knocking off all the squad cars and helicopter while NIN's 'closer' was bumping...was, well, words cannot describe the experience. I want my money back. Going back to Captivity...this is a female empowering film. I'm truly anxious to see the sequences they added to it. Gore hounds are going to salivate with what After Dark Films has suggested and contributed to the reshoots. There will be no disappointment for fans of the genre when this opens. The film itself has some pedigree beyond the production team. Laz Alonso (one of the cops) is starring in James Cameron's "Avatar". Daniel Gillies stars in Spider Man 2 and 3. Pruitt Taylor Vince is always the creepy guy...'Identity' anyone? And then we have Elisha...I would pay to see her simply read out of the phonebook. Joffe's vision and first foray into the 'splat pack' field of play is a valiant effort and his film is better than any trip to a slovakian Hostel.
MORIARTY, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T EDIT THIS REVIEW by Jackson Healy	Mar 23rd, 2007 05:31:52 AM
Drew, I love your posts. I think you bring an intelligence and a level-headedness that Harry utterly lacks and can't even begin to fake. So I unequivocally understand your indignation at this film's tasteless ad campaign. The film is probably a dog, weak SAW knockoff that it is. In fact, I know people who saw the same screenings of it last year and absolutely hated it. I even knew how the movie ends because I've read the script. But I would think that you of all people would at least give silver screen veteran Larry Cohen, who's got 77 writing credits and 21 directing nods, a fair shake coming off the blocks. We come from the same generation, so I'm sure you've enjoyed, as I have, a lot of his earlier, and better, gems like the sublimely effective Q and the cheesy, funny, scary Rosemary's Baby sendup, IT'S ALIVE. How would you feel if Mr. Cohen were to get ahold of the shooting draft of your next produced script (assuming you're fortunate enough to have a next one) and splash the cool reversal all over the net for fanboys the world over to see? The fact is, Cohen's script, with its a dollar short and a day late concept was good enough to have made its way through stinking development and gotten made into a film that's being theatrically released. I would bet that less than 1% of the Talkbackers on this forum will ever enjoy that privilege. I suggest you show a little more respect to the seasoned veterans out there who are still able to make a living in one of the hardest industries on the planet. Because when you don't, it just makes you look like one of those "I'm too cool for fucking home school" wannabees living in his mother's basement.
another bizarre career arc by Lost Prophet	Mar 23rd, 2007 08:09:02 AM
Mike Hodges: Get carter to Flash Gordon to the utter pish of Morons from Outer Space and then redeemd by croupier. Strange
BSB by Lost Prophet	Mar 23rd, 2007 08:09:33 AM
you don't have council estates in America. Tool.
YOU DONT HAVE COUNCIL ESTATES IN AMERICA by Lost Prophet	Mar 23rd, 2007 08:50:39 AM
deal with it. Make up your own catchphrase. This is the final word from the middle fucking class.
McWeeny is right by liljuniorbrown	Mar 23rd, 2007 10:21:58 AM
He's never been the overtly censored type, not in the years i've regularly visited this site, but you got to admit it is the truth. Just like with the Anna Nicole Smith thing,people in the entertainment industry that are trying to be hip and using "shock" humor often go to far. Censorship is wrong,but it's also wrong to have images of someone(simulated) being tortured, beaten,or molested out in the public for the world to see. If Eli Roth or Wes Craven feel like they have to make 1 hour and 45 minute long "films" of women being tortured or raped by mutant cannibals to make up for there lack of originality and creativity and people want to watch it,thats there business. Movies like Hostel and Hills have Eyes make alot of money but it's not something children should be exposed to at the bus stop or while walking down the sidewalk. The makers of this "shitfest" are just trying to get in the news.
point was.... by liljuniorbrown	Mar 23rd, 2007 10:33:29 AM
As an adult we can look at something like that poster and call it for what it is. A child ,depending on age, may not be able to determine what's going on or if it's "real" or not causing the parents to have to answer a bunch of questions. Art is in the eye of the beholder,if I think a film is going a route I find disturbing or just showing those kind of images for no real reason,I just won't give them my money. Censorship is like anything else,you can't pick and choose what the world should be able to see according to your own personal beliefs,just censor what you watch instead of pushing it on everyone else,but in public,whats out in the open, lines have to be drawn. Attack away.
Question about the Tubes in the Nose scene by Gwai L0	Mar 23rd, 2007 12:34:45 PM
I've downloaded this movie, but I don't want to watch the whole thing. Could someone who's seen it please tell me at what point in the movie's running time Cuthbert gets tubes put in her nostrils? Or does that even happen in the movie? Or is it just part of the marketing scheme?? Thanks in advance
I would rather have my son see T&A than Violence by LAMama	Mar 23rd, 2007 12:52:33 PM
I hate all of these billboards mostly becuase they scare the crap out of my 4 year old. The Hills Have Eyes and Saw are the worst. Just when i pick a horror movie poster free route home, a bus pulls beside my car. Removing the billboards isn't censorship My kids can't go to the movies and see this crap and they shouldn't have any exposure to the billboards as well.
Hire this guy. by PwnedByStallone	Mar 23rd, 2007 01:16:19 PM
He's pretty funny and with an editor he'd be great. Anyway do you guys really think Elisha is ever going to show her funbags? Get real. She will just as soon as Jennifer Love Hewitt does. In other words: never. I know its good to dream but I think your barking up the wrong tree.
Anyone who would raise children in LA deserves it. by Daddylonghead	Mar 23rd, 2007 01:19:00 PM
No, just kidding. I actually don't give a shit about anyone's kids, anywhere. But this is still an awful billboard. I thought the eighties were bad in terms of the "Nudity is bad, Violence is fine" stuff, but it's only gotten worse. Now Janet Jackson gets excoriated for showing a goddamn human breast, something most women (and male readers of this site) possess, and meanwhile there's shit like this, glorifying misogyny. Well whatever.
Daddylonghead by PwnedByStallone	Mar 23rd, 2007 02:15:13 PM
Can't breathe. That was some funny shit. Been a while since a post made me laugh that hard.
Hey, I made my own review for Captivity by gay_homo	Nov 11th, 2007 06:32:49 AM
So, I guess I have my own movie rating scale. It goes like this: 1) I would recommend this movie to my family and friends because it's really good. 2) I would recommend this movie to my family and friends because it's really clever. 3) I would recommend this movie to my family and friends because it's so bad it's funny. 4) I would recommend this movie to my sworn enemies because it would make them suffer. 5) I would recommend this movie to stray dogs because it would fill them with the fiery hatred necessary for survival. 6) I wouldn't even make stray dogs watch this movie because dying of starvation in your own filth or being eaten by homeless people is better. 7) I would strap a Nazi to a board and make him watch this movie because he deserves it. 8) I would give a Holocaust survivor the choice between watching this movie and going back into a concentration camp, and he would probably go back to camp. 9) Captivity. Synopsis: Elisha Cuthbert is abducted and fucked with in some retarded labyrinth of a house. Every time you think she's figured it out, she hasn't. Unfortunately, you have, and you're probably already bored with it. So let's cut to the chase: The true climactic emotionally-invested turning point in this movie is when the gay serial killer/abductor who was repeatedly raped by his mother and is now in weird gay love with his morbidly obese brother who watches him rape captive women while wearing a black gimp mask and then makes and feeds him sushi insists that they kill Elisha Cuthbert. Gay serial killer then stabs his obese lover/co-conspirator/brother with a sushi knife and then cries about it. OK, to be honest, at this point in the movie, this action is a little anticlimactic. Like, for example - we've seen a man strapped to a board with his head and neck in a cast fed something probably acid-like and then die horribly. We've seen a woman strapped to a board with her head also strapped to the board with some velcro thingy have her face melted off with acid. We've seen a woman strapped to a board with her head bound with tape shoot her own dog with a shotgun. We've seen a woman strapped to a board watch while human noses and ears and tongues are blended in a blender, and then she's forced to eat them through a funnel. Get my point? Let's look at this in conext: For a moment in a movie to be truly moving, it has to stand out from the rest of the film in some way. For plot-driven movies, this mechanism is usually some unexpected twist or turn in which somebody's father turns out to be their mother, or brother, or worst enemy, or whatever. In character-driven movies, we usually learn something shocking and disturbing about a previously established character that we thought we knew (i.e., they're actually a man (The Crying Game); they're actually gay (In & Out); they're actually Satan's Helper (Constantine); they're actually Satan (Lost Souls); Satan is actually a gay homo (Southpark: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut); real men are actually gay and love but also hate buttsex and that doesn't make them any less of a man (Brokeback Mountain); Et Cetera.) So, as far as this movie was concerned, I'd already been desensitized to violence and gore. A simple stabbing just didn't do it for me anymore. I mean, I really didn't care about the disturbing yet creepily loving gay relationship between these two brothers enough to be bothered by the fact that the skinny gay serial killer brother stabbed the fucking fatass gay serial killer who-likes-to-watch-his-brother -rape brother. But any good person doesn't just point out problems without offering a solution. So here's my solution for this lackluster murder scene: 1) Make the knife a piece of glass that used to be part of a beaker that contained acid. 2) Make it so that the stabbing gay brother is burning his hand off with the acid while stabbing the fat gay brother. 3) Make them having sex while they're stabbing. 4) Make fat gay brother's butthole be made of acid so it burns skinny gay brother's dick off while he's simultaneously stabbing and making love to him. 5) Make fat gay brother have the ability to astrally project himself so he can watch himself get stabbed and assfucked by his soulmate gay brother, while burning his assrape dick off with his acid butthole. 6) Elisha Cuthbert's boobies. (somehow. I don't care.) ... Ow. My brain hurts. I guess the movie won this time. Fuck it. Five stars and two thumbs up. By the way, the opening scene, which I already mentioned, was actually a flash-forward to the end of the movie. It was a guy strapped to a board with his head and neck in a cast so he couldn't move, being fed something horrible (acid? lye? the horrible suck of this movie distilled into a vile liquid?) until he dies. The person who fed it to him was Elisha Cuthbert. Apparently, after being held captive in the crazy house, she decided to become a serial-killer-killer vigilante of sorts, and then goes on to kill and torture them the way they deserve. Oh, uh... SPOILER ALERT. Did I forget to mention that? I hate this movie.

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You’ve Seen The Filthy Billboards, And Now We’ve Got A CAPTIVITY Review!

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