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First Reviews Of EVAN ALMIGHTY Are Rolling In Like Floodwaters!!

first almighty by Jubba	Feb 16th, 2007 01:28:39 AM
i hope it's funny :)
First? by Annoying Customer	Feb 16th, 2007 01:28:39 AM
Boom.
Tie, bitch by Annoying Customer	Feb 16th, 2007 01:29:14 AM
You heard me
yeah but i wrote more, so i win by Jubba	Feb 16th, 2007 01:31:38 AM
and my name's first...because it all matters SO much ;)
I fart by Annoying Customer	Feb 16th, 2007 01:32:53 AM
in your general direction
Fuck the FIRST shit by SaintMark5	Feb 16th, 2007 01:41:17 AM
This movie sounds awesome. Guess this is what they meant when the studios suggested making a move toward the Fundamentalist market. Hopefully it won't be too preachy and stick to the mythology surrounding the events every church going Christian grew up with. And with a killer performance from Steve Carrell, could be pretty sweet. Definately didn't see this one coming...
How Did I Miss This? by Bungion Boy	Feb 16th, 2007 01:45:16 AM
I live in New York but I'm staying in Northern Cali for a few months and I go to Roseville all the time. I know I'm missing a ton of screenings in NY. It would have been nice to see this. I too am wary of the concept and franchise, but I love me some Carell. I'll have to keep a lookout for screenings in Sac and Roseville from now on.
That first one is a plant by Barry Egan	Feb 16th, 2007 01:55:58 AM
if ever there was a plant.
I hope this makes a ton of money. by CoursinLarry	Feb 16th, 2007 01:56:24 AM
For Steve Carell's sake. He seems like a good guy.
plant plant plant plant by 3rdrate	Feb 16th, 2007 01:58:23 AM
Dude...can't you guys spot these obvious corporate sentences? But instead I was blown away by a story that really touches the heart as a self-absorbed guy, finds his calling, not by being a carbon copy congressman, but by learning that life's greatest successes come from the littlest differences we can make in our world. scoring where that NATIVITY STORY missed - it plays to people's faith but with jokes! The thing is funny AND moving! HA - ha! Money in the bank, people! The snooty fans of THE OFFICE and bible belters will all dig this thing. Seriously. It's bad enough Merrick's off posting projects that DONT EXIST. Then the site becomes a garden? Lame.
This movie sounds bad by GunsForHands	Feb 16th, 2007 02:01:23 AM
Should have gotten Michael Bay Denis to direct
Usually I can't stand people who immediately cry PLANT! by Burgundy82	Feb 16th, 2007 02:09:01 AM
... but in this case it's painfully obvious. That first guy, especially, spits out blurbs of bubbly praise that would make even Larry King say, "Jesus man, it wasn't THAT good." What a nauseating review. He's either a studio shill or Ned fuck-diddly-ucking Flanders himself.
Oh man... by tie3456	Feb 16th, 2007 02:31:47 AM
That first review wasn't even close to convincing. Try again, bub. Second one was a little high school newspaperish. Still, this movie has some promise. Carrell is gold in anything he touches. I'm looking forward to it.
Noah Gotta Eat!!! by DirkBelig	Feb 16th, 2007 02:46:33 AM
And then he has a beer and cheets on his wife with the bomb in his ribcage!!!!
What the hell was that first review? by PurityOfEssence	Feb 16th, 2007 02:55:06 AM
It sounds more like a sales pitch than a review. I am going with the plant theory for now.
Gotta agree with the peeps...... by Big_Bubbaloola	Feb 16th, 2007 03:27:03 AM
First one is waaaayy over photosynthasised!!!! Man, I think it been in the hydroponics lab too long. The second one is more like it, but I got me suspicions. As for the movie, i've seen the trailer and will be there on opening day.
Mellow greetings Philofthefuture by DirkD13"	Feb 16th, 2007 04:04:35 AM
Be Well.
Very likely both plants. by Kizeesh	Feb 16th, 2007 04:47:42 AM
For a start, I saw the trailer and the beard thing is NOT a good visual gag, it looks stupid in an unfunny way. Don't get me wrong I liked the first film but the trailer for this made me roll my eyes. It smacks horribly of cash-in-sequelitis.
"Bruce" was terrible by theBigE	Feb 16th, 2007 05:32:35 AM
I hated the first film - easily one of Carrey's worst (and I thought Cable Guy was pretty good.) So how could this be worse? These guys make it sound like "Ghandi" or "The Passion of the Christ." I've never said this, but I smell plants!!!
Ingenious title by Lone Fox	Feb 16th, 2007 05:50:58 AM
For Christ's sake. Pun intended. Why not 'Evan Above' or something. And yeh, 'Bruce' was awful. One actual joke in the whole movie. A dog peeing like a human. Jesus!
Too fucking obvious to be plants!! by Kristian66	Feb 16th, 2007 05:52:46 AM
Or are they?
Plants Gotta Eat by ZooTrain	Feb 16th, 2007 06:41:28 AM
1. The "gotta eat" cliche is completely unfunny and needs to stop. Seriously. Get an original idea. 2. That first review was nauseating. Who writes like that? "In some of the freshest comedic moments I have watched in a while..." It's official...corporate shills have no soul. "I left the screening tonight completely satisfied; that sort of movie feeling that you get from the perfect blend of great storytelling, humor and action." In the history of AICN, no reviewer has ever used a semicolon. I don't think it can be any more obvious.
Plants for sure by Athanatos	Feb 16th, 2007 06:55:13 AM
I love the way they both used (sp?)
Plants Alrighty by Det. John Kimble	Feb 16th, 2007 06:55:46 AM
They did't even try to pretend that first review wasn't straight from the studio.
Semicolon use by Kizeesh	Feb 16th, 2007 07:18:54 AM
I hate to say it, but this is a key factor in the faunaness.
"this guy is a MASTER of the visual joke" by triplefive	Feb 16th, 2007 07:32:54 AM
only think Shadyac is a master of is licking scrotum.
I agree that first guy is the biggest plant ever. by Kubla_Khan	Feb 16th, 2007 07:57:54 AM
He may as well have started with, "Hi, I'm a marketing man for upcoming film Evan Almighty and thought I'd get down with the kids by faking a positive review applauding every single point of the movie. Yours sincerely, Mr Floraandfauna." Bah.
planty plant plant by maximilian merkins	Feb 16th, 2007 08:25:11 AM
Both plants. The author of the second 'review' is simply a little more sly in his methods. The movie will be shite, guaranteed.
God promised not to flood the world again. by rev_skarekroe	Feb 16th, 2007 09:14:07 AM
It's called RESEARCH, people!
The first guy... by ImJustSaying	Feb 16th, 2007 09:18:34 AM
Sounds like he's pitching the idea to studios. And he's a plant. That said, I can see this movie being good, but I don't know... It's kinda rubbing against my atheism in the wrong way.
Bruce was decently funny...this will be better. by Ninja Nerd	Feb 16th, 2007 09:31:12 AM
Bruce haters...give it a break. Most of you are just jealous he's (Jim Carrey) shagging Jenny McCarthy 9 times a day. LOL. Evan Almighty will be a pretty good film because Steve Carrell is a freakin' comedic genius with a range Carrey and Williams WISH they had. Watch "Little Miss Sunshine" and you'll see an excellent nuanced performance by Steve. I gotta believe he's got the chops to elevate what could have been an insipid film into something special. I'm there for this one.
PLANT ! ! (Biblical Edition) by Pound Sand	Feb 16th, 2007 09:31:55 AM
Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day
Animals were saved, but what about PLANTS? by DarthBakpao	Feb 16th, 2007 10:01:52 AM
Plants are God's creatures too!
rev_skarekroe is right by Guy Gaduois	Feb 16th, 2007 10:13:23 AM
That is unless of course there's no rainbows in the movie. Research: Looking under the sofa cushions for your car keys. Again. Also, who knew those flannelgraphs in Sunday School would pay off so BIG in an AICN talkback? Will wonders never cease?
sorry, only animals on the ark, no room for PLANTS!!!! by the_shogun_gunslinger	Feb 16th, 2007 10:23:52 AM
at least the first one anyways. when are these guys gonna learn how we speak? we're not this nice and unless i see the wrd "fuck" or a reference to ejaculating over something, i call "BULLSHIT"
hahaha DarthBakpao by the_shogun_gunslinger	Feb 16th, 2007 10:24:29 AM
looks like you beat me to that one ;P
Ninja Nerd STFU by the_shogun_gunslinger	Feb 16th, 2007 10:31:08 AM
you're a plant too...YOU'RE ALL PLANTS!!!
DOUCHEBAG!!!! by tHeGRinGoGenTiLE	Feb 16th, 2007 10:38:02 AM
I mean, does the second poster HAVE to tell us EVERYTHING??? Talk about spoilerific. It would have been nice to be left unknowing of the fact that nobody dies in this flood, asshole. And why didn't AICN catch that? This self-important fuck wants to go telling us all about his family and shit... "BUT, this flick has ANIMALS - lots and lots -...and there's 2 of each, go figure!!! And I know my niece and nephew will dig in deep for that." What's that got to do with the review, ass-crack?? And this! "this thing is ultra slick and ultra sneaky - scoring where that NATIVITY STORY missed - it plays to people's faith but with jokes!" Joseph and Mary had little to laugh about, jackass. I don't think they were trying to MISS the comedy in that average film. Clown dick! "the second Evan starts behaving kooky in public, his wife packs up the kids and leaves him." Thanks for the heads up cocksucker! Guess I don't even need to see the film now. I bet you play with yourself in the dark. Crying while your sister and all her friends point at you and laugh! This will teach you to write the stupidest review on planet fucking earth! ((goes to take meds.))
These marketing worms can't speak like normal people by CTU Mole	Feb 16th, 2007 11:06:26 AM
...even when that's the assignment. The thing is, the flora doesn't care if they are obvious plants. Most people who read this don't realize there are studio shills writing reviews and obviously no one running this site cares or they're getting kickback.
Who Hires These Gardeners? by OctEgon	Feb 16th, 2007 11:11:28 AM
Does it pay well? Because I KNOW I can write stealthier plants than this. These guys are mongoloids.
urggh by lionbiu	Feb 16th, 2007 11:24:58 AM
as much as I don't want to say it GOD-DAMN-MOTHERFUCKING-PLANT on that piece of shit you call a review. The 1st review is almost like a marketing pitch. I will still watch the movie, but Universal need to stop with the dumb plants.
Remember when this used to be called "Oh God"? by Trazadone	Feb 16th, 2007 11:42:19 AM
I guess we're getting a second trilogy of terrible God movies, huh?
The tip off.... by Mickey Ribs	Feb 16th, 2007 11:59:00 AM
That the second one is a plant is that they mention Wanda Sykes first in the 'Casting Element' section. Wanda Sykes?!? Let me guess....is she going to do her 'sassy/angry black woman' schtick for the one millionth time?? She's got all the range of a porno actress...
You guys think everyone is a plant! by Frank Black	Feb 16th, 2007 12:14:35 PM
I'm sorry but I didn't like the first movie but I have loved Steve Carell since the Daily Show and have no trouble believing this movie will be hilarious nor do I have any trouble believing that these reviews are genuine.
Frank Black is a PLANT! by finky089	Feb 16th, 2007 12:21:01 PM
jk, Frank. I might rent this (ree rental coupon) later this year, just b/c there's no Jim Carrey, which is more than I'd do if he had returned for the sequel.
"ree" = "free" by finky089	Feb 16th, 2007 12:21:32 PM
damnit!
Uh, no. by CatVutt	Feb 16th, 2007 12:46:51 PM
I got sucked into and sat stone-faced through Bruce Almighty...why the hell would I even watch this on cable? Was Bruce Almighty even a hit, really? I can't remember. I can't even remember much of the film at all, frankly. Shouldn't this be DTV?
steve carell OWNS carreys comedy ass by misnomer	Feb 16th, 2007 12:53:39 PM
the brits like him more (not that that means anything- jus' saying 40yr old virgin was the best american comedy of recent years- and not forgetting I LOVE LAMP!) Im lookin forward to this. I hope it isnt too cutesy. I thought this was gonna be a great year for the cinema- heres hoping it doesnt disappoint like ghost rider and tmnt. And The Simpsons better be good too.
PLANTASTIC! by Sean38	Feb 16th, 2007 01:00:29 PM
You'd think, by now, studios would have mastered the art of planting an early review that doesn't SOUND like a plant. In fact, that first review sounds SO much like a plant, maybe it's not. Even planted reviews aren't THAT obviously planty. Are they? I'm so confused.
Check this: "close encounters of the almighty kind" by Gilkuliehe	Feb 16th, 2007 01:52:57 PM
You gotta be shitting me.
Steve Carell owns Jim Carrey by Jeditemple	Feb 16th, 2007 02:02:16 PM
Not only is he funnier and more talented than Jim, but he's humble in real life and is a really nice guy. Steve Carell is one of the funniest people on the planet. I'll pay to see this movie, whereas someone couldn't pay me to see Jim Carrey in a movie. Jim Carrey is best left in the 90's, where his career ended.
Plants need a "Little Miss Sunshine" by AshesOfDonnie	Feb 16th, 2007 02:34:29 PM
I'll still watch it though.
Fuck it, someone had to do it: by Monkey Butler	Feb 16th, 2007 02:36:27 PM
The whole Ark story is utter bullshit, and anyone who believes it is a fucking moron. Whoever was bitching above about the premise being stupid because God promised not to flood the world again: wake the fuck up.
First review by Kurutteru Yatsu	Feb 16th, 2007 02:53:17 PM
Did anyone even read it before posting it? Take it down or at least put some sort of caveat in front of it. Wow.
Wither thou, plant? by PortnoysRevenge	Feb 16th, 2007 03:12:52 PM
If I was lucky enough to see a screening of a movie, then send it in to AICN, have it posted and be called a plant.... I'd be on here in a heartbeat defending myself. "A plant? Me? You must not be serious!" So....where are the "Plants" to defend themselves?
That first guy seemed like some marketing shlub by Knobules	Feb 16th, 2007 03:50:15 PM
Come see this product! Make dingbat marketing people happy!
i say we salt the earth of AICN by the_shogun_gunslinger	Feb 16th, 2007 04:03:47 PM
so nothing ever grows again
This is so going in the TV previews by Norm Cascade	Feb 16th, 2007 04:50:21 PM
"Anonymous Plant Asshole on AICN says, 'It's a close encounters of the ALMIGHTY kind!'" HA HA HA. Good one, midget fister.
No human would say this phrase: by Mgmax	Feb 16th, 2007 06:06:59 PM
"In some of the freshest comedic moments I have watched in a while"
i don't think he's a plant. by occula	Feb 16th, 2007 06:35:27 PM
firstly, any plant would presumably be connected some way into the industry, right? and anybody remotely involved in the industry knows that, no matter how much we all dig steve carrell, i'm sorry, but he is not a better physical comedian than steve martin. steve martin ranks with goddamned charlie chaplin and buster keaton for physical comedy. so, either plant is not a plant, or plant needs to pay more attention to his learning annex classes about film studies. secondly, plant capitalizes the word 'god' every time he writes it. i don't say 'plant' - i say 'born-again christian.'
Roseville!! by MikeHoncho	Feb 16th, 2007 07:18:12 PM
I live in Auburn, like 10 minutes away from Roseville. I go to that theatre all the time. How could I have missed this. Dammit, I have yet to get into an advanced screening.
NO WAY the second review is a plant. by El Scorcho	Feb 16th, 2007 07:36:19 PM
Never. I called this from the moment I heard about it. It WILL be the biggest movie of the year, and will even be enjoyable... moreso than that Night at the Museum abortion.
El Scorcho by the_shogun_gunslinger	Feb 16th, 2007 08:02:19 PM
so youre saying that this spin off to a mediocre comedy is gonna be bigger than spider-man 3 or pirates 3? get a clue
#3 in the New God movies. by Juggernaut125	Feb 16th, 2007 08:17:08 PM
Cheech Almighty... (originally titled The 25 Commandments) in which God tells Cheech Marin to lead his people out of Southern California... and gives him a new list of bad things not to do any more. Including such great hits #18. Thou shalt not illegally download movies off the internet. #22. Thou shalt stop surfing for porn all the time. #23. Don't support the friggin' papparazzi by buying those garbage celebrity rags. #25. Thou shalt not plant phony reviews under the guise of being a lucky shlub who happened upon a pre-screening.
FIRST, I just got off the phone with a PLANT... by baritonick	Feb 16th, 2007 11:13:58 PM
DAMN YOU, MICHAEL BAY! LAUREN GRAHAM GOTTA EAT. Et cetera.
Why doesn't Jim Carrey do sequels? by Osmosis Jones	Feb 16th, 2007 11:45:19 PM
Aside from freakin' Ace Ventura 2? Who wouldn't have wanted to see a circa-1996 Mask sequel with Carrey, a still-hot Cameron Diaz, and Milo the dog? This is, what, the third sequel to a Carrey movie to not feature him?
ANIMALS GOTTA CRAP!!! by Horace Cox	Feb 16th, 2007 11:59:42 PM
Animals gotta eat, so obviously they gotta shit too. How bad would it suck to clean up all the shit on the ark? I sure as hell wouldn't want to be the poor bastard manning the pooper scooper. And how could they stand the fucking stench? That old barge must have smelled like a bag of assholes 24/7. Since God was the cruise director maybe he miracled that shit off the boat.
These Aren't Plants . . . by kevinwillis.net	Feb 17th, 2007 06:31:11 AM
Lazy AICN reviewers are just plagiarizing the movie's marketing material. If the first one is a review, rather than a slobberingly oafish sales pitch, it's the worst review ever. But even the second one looks like a slightly better plant. And I enjoyed Bruce Almighty and I'll probably enjoy Evan Almighty. But I don't think the studios do themselves any favors with attempts at forced viral marketing.
Re: by the_shogun_gunslinger by El Scorcho	Feb 17th, 2007 12:09:37 PM
Yeah, I guess that was hyperbole. But I think this will make the top 5 grossing films of the year.
Messi... by Red Ned Lynch	Feb 17th, 2007 04:05:49 PM
...Bruce Almighty. Scene where God teaches Bruce a lesson by giving him the power to move the moon closer to the earth, impressing Jennifer Aniston and causing untold destruction in China. Every time I think about it I laugh. Yeah, every fucking time. I'm laughing right now. That was really fresh. Maybe not as fresh as Wanda Sykes telling Steve Carell that his beard makes him look just like one of the BeeGees, though. That's not just fresh, that's wonderfully apt. Yeah, I'm laughing in anticipation now.
Jim Carrey remains the only God by Seph_J	Feb 17th, 2007 09:59:13 PM
... and he was originally down to do Phone Booth... but didn't. Been looking for a thriller for a while I think.

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First Reviews Of EVAN ALMIGHTY Are Rolling In Like Floodwaters!!

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