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Vern's Seen SMOKING ACES!!

WAHOOOO! by occula	Dec 7th, 2006 07:58:06 PM
vern, if you were gay, i'd be your fag hag.
It has Oscar winner Ben Affleck in it by c4andmore	Dec 7th, 2006 07:59:25 PM
How could it be bad?
one of those Tremor brothers... by Son of Batman	Dec 7th, 2006 08:08:17 PM
played Patrick on Dark Angel, and that show was fucking kickass. He was a mu-tant dog man artist.
Vern, what did you have against CRANK? by Daddylonghead	Dec 7th, 2006 08:17:22 PM
Smokin Aces sounds like fun... but getting back to my subject line, did you not find Crank to be hilarious, crazy, and fun?
Way of the Gun flawed? by hktelemacher	Dec 7th, 2006 08:17:48 PM
Wh- wha - what? I don't think so, my man. I have nothing to back that up with except flustered stuttering.
It's lonely being the only guy who loves Snatch. by CreasyBear	Dec 7th, 2006 08:18:04 PM
(Apologies for the unintentional Uranus joke, sports ball-as- testicle - style entendre.) That movie was hilarious and full of energy. Self-consciously cool, true, but still a fun movie.
I didn't LOVE Snatch... I liked it. by Daddylonghead	Dec 7th, 2006 08:22:02 PM
I LOVED Brad Pitt in Snatch... the role of a fucking lifetime, I thought... I LIKED the rest of the movie. You know what I thought was better? Layer Cake.
".. written the names .. without freezing. by eraser_x	Dec 7th, 2006 08:35:06 PM
Then when they introduced the other characters they freeze framed on all of them. God damn it." That's a nice detail. I guess it must be what my word-of-the-day email says is a "synecdoche". I've never tried to use that word before. :-)
Way of the Gun... by colematthews	Dec 7th, 2006 08:35:40 PM
...has some amazing individual scenes, and anyone who has ever gotten drunk with me has been subjected to the opener with Sarah Silverman's foul-mouthed tirade, BUT, it is kind of a chore to actually sit through. It's a "Pay Attention or Don't Watch"-type movie. So many wordless scenes, so much action happening offscreen. Again, I loved those things the first time I watched it, because it's all about playing against your expectations. However, unlike Dazed and Confused, or Almost Famous, or The (1st) Matrix, it's not something I just casually throw in on a lazy saturday afternoon. You have to COMMIT to that flick.
debating by Bloo	Dec 7th, 2006 08:37:33 PM
weather or not to go see this...Vern's "spoiler" scene has me wanting ot see it, but other aspects have me holding back...probably won't see it, but then again I might...how is that for committing
Vern: by colematthews	Dec 7th, 2006 08:39:59 PM
Fine review. The Bobby Hypothesis was genius. On the freeze-framing of names and occupations: It's cheesy, agreed. However, I liked it in one recent flick, Feast. They seemed to be aware of the cheese factor, and each one was filled with two or three jokes or red herrings about the character's fate. I remember one guy (SPOILER) whose occupation was Hero, strengths were Kicking Ass, and prospects for survival were Pretty Fucking Good. That was about 2 minutes before he was decapitated and left flopping on the floor like a fish. I found it amusing. (end SPOILER)
Weirdest review ever.... by El Scorcho	Dec 7th, 2006 09:05:13 PM
I still can't tell if he liked it or not. He basically said that it pissed him off and he hated it, but it was still good.
WELL by THE KNIGHT	Dec 7th, 2006 09:35:16 PM
I'm feeling good toknight
Saw this piece of shit a few weeks ago at a screening by The guy	Dec 7th, 2006 09:45:43 PM
This movie's a big old fucking mess. It's a (very) poor man's Guy Ritchie movie. It's over directed, and poorly written. The characters are all caricatures, none more annoying than this little kid in the third act. He's only in a couple of scenes, but he could easily have been cut out. Universal is dumping it into theaters in January, and rightfully so. The crowd I saw it with loathed it. I overheard people talking in the lobby about how stupid the whole thing was. Especially Andy Garcia's 5 minute monlogue explaining all the twists in the movie. Smokin Aces is a major step backwards for Carnahan as a director. He went from BLOOD, GUTS, BULLETS AND OCTANE (piece of shit) to NARC (excellent), to this (not much better than a straight to DVD flick).
Freeze Frames and Shit and Wot Not... by TELF	Dec 7th, 2006 10:22:48 PM
Yeah, they kind of have to be cute now or don't bother. The football trading card ones on the Rundown were fun, but that was really just a sweet gag to set up the Rock's character. I think what would be more fun would be to have a boxing announcer or trailer guy type voice loudly proclaim the character's name to the audience. Shit, I bet Tony fucking Scott is going to steal that now I've shared it.
Daddylonghead by Vern	Dec 8th, 2006 02:32:00 AM
Man, I liked the premise of CRANK alot but for the most part I hated the execution. It's definitely not as bad as DOMINO but I thought the constant showoffy split screen/freeze frame/switch to black and white/x-ray to show his beating heart type business was overdoing it. He is doing things that are inherently exciting but then the movie goes so overboard in trying to tell you how excited you should be that it makes the whole thing tedious. Plus, that public rape scene played for laughs didn't help. But I will give you that there are some good parts in the movie. I really liked the ridiculous ending where he makes the phone call while plummeting from the sky. (and the fact that he had to strangle the guy in mid-air even though he would've died when he hit the ground anyway).
El Scorcho by Vern	Dec 8th, 2006 02:35:06 AM
I don't think I said it pissed me off or I hated it. But I didn't like the unnecessary complications to the plot or how they are revealed. It's a flawed movie but I did like it. In my opinion.
Hey, I'm not a sissie by Franklin T Marmoset	Dec 8th, 2006 02:49:32 AM
Fuck those guys. Thanks, Vern. P.S. I am definitely going to see this now, if only for the Tremor brothers. If it is as funny as described, I will enjoy that part very much.
Spoiler warnings, assmonkey by BannedOnTheRun	Dec 8th, 2006 02:51:10 AM
I haven't seen Crank yet and the bad guy could very well have landed in a mattress delivery truck.
sorry Banned by Vern	Dec 8th, 2006 04:29:57 AM
For what it's worth, it is established early on that the movie takes place in a world where it is illegal to transport mattresses by truck.
Don't have anything to say... by Ghostball	Dec 8th, 2006 04:56:32 AM
Just wanted to vask in the glory that is Vern. What price Vern The Movie?
Ghostball by Franklin T Marmoset	Dec 8th, 2006 05:08:45 AM
That's a good question. I read something on Vern's website (highly recommended, by the way) about Vern: The Movie being in the works. What's happening with that, Vern? P.S. I have typed the word Vern too much.
WAY OF THE GUN by Kristian66	Dec 8th, 2006 05:48:32 AM
Was terrible in every single way. I mean, maybe one of the worst films I have ever seen, and that is saying something.
Can't wait to see this... by RobFromBackEast	Dec 8th, 2006 06:08:01 AM
Trailer looks awesome, and i thought Narc was excellent. Carnahan has a bit of bollocks about him and this film looks like its showing it. Ryan Reynolds deserves superstardom!
So, Vern, have you seen Attack Force yet? by FatPaul	Dec 8th, 2006 07:25:11 AM
I know you're probably getting that question a lot these days, but I had to ask.
"Guy Ritchieness. Or CRANKitude. Or, gulp, DOMINOism" by triplefive	Dec 8th, 2006 08:18:35 AM
HA-haw
I am firmly against DOMINOism in all it's forms. by brycemonkey	Dec 8th, 2006 08:23:03 AM
It's wrong and it hurts my brain.
Frankly it doesn't sound as entertaining by Spandau Belly	Dec 8th, 2006 08:25:51 AM
as seeing two regular guys playing catch with fish.
Common from the Gap ads? by The Funketeer	Dec 8th, 2006 08:35:43 AM
You mean Common, one of the few great and relavent rappers creating music today? Common who has recorded some of the greatest yet underpublicized rap tracks of the past 10 years? You just lost me dude. I didn't even bother reading your review past that point.
Hey Funk... by Abin Sur	Dec 8th, 2006 08:56:08 AM
No, he meant Common from the GAP ads...you're thinking of Biz Markie.
I think I'll like this... by sleepyhollowman	Dec 8th, 2006 09:51:03 AM
I must be out of touch but I like showy, slow motion, split screen, freeze frame movies. I watched Out for a Kill the other night and I thought it was great, mainly becasue it was so bad. loved the bit with So Solid Crew's MC Harvey where he and Segal made an oath to be best pals for life and then was forgotten for the rest of the movie. Vern I'm sure I remember you asked for a heads up on any films you might like. Well you need to see a film called Drive with Mark Dacascos in it. I haven't see it on your site but I'm sure you'd love it.
I'd have no problem doing Amy Smart in public by S-Mart shopper	Dec 8th, 2006 10:25:43 AM
even if it was in a so-so movie. Crank was however decades better than Transporter 2 but, not as bad as Ultraviolet, probably because I paid to see that piece of shit in a theatre. Way of the Gun is sweet! Sarah Silverman deserves a meat log in that dirty little mouth. Speaking of logs (posted above somwhere too) it's big, it's heavy' it's wood, so yes much better than Aflac. Common, by the by, is one of the few hiphop artist I can listen to without wanting to kick a nun in the snatch. To sum up, Peter Burg needs to not subtley disappear, he's a self absorbed cheese infested twat. Thank you and good night.
I second the Sleepy Hollow Man's Drive recommendation. by FatPaul	Dec 8th, 2006 11:30:50 AM
Sort of, anyway. The script is terrible, full of misguided comic relief stuff that isn't even coherent, much less funny, but the fight scenes are excellent.
Abin Sur by The Funketeer	Dec 8th, 2006 11:49:52 AM
No I meant Common. I said "of the past 10 years", not "of the 80's."
Sorry, not interested by Powers Boothe	Dec 8th, 2006 11:51:06 AM
I liked most of Narc but after enduring (well made) rubbish like Lucky Number Slevin and Running Scared (the recent one with Paul Walker and the odd looking actress who played Matt Damon's girlfriend in the overrated The Departed), I really can't watch another of this type of film. Whatever happened to Children of Men? Did it get bumped to January?
Funketeer... by Abin Sur	Dec 8th, 2006 11:53:22 AM
Just messin' around - Common's got some skills, to be sure, and he's definitely a step up from 95% of the (c)rap out there now...
Speaking of stylized rubbish... by Powers Boothe	Dec 8th, 2006 11:53:28 AM
will Revolver EVER get a USA release? There isn't even a Region 1 DVD.
Carnahan's Blog by Powers Boothe	Dec 8th, 2006 11:56:13 AM
I'm too lazy to go look...so can someone tell me if he mentions why he dropped out of Mission Impossible 3? Was he fired?
Funketeer... by MC Vamp	Dec 8th, 2006 01:00:25 PM
Give Vern a break, he was being ironic/sarcastic about credits. He;ll never put the "best" thing about someone's career, he'll always throw a stinker out there. Like referencing Jason Bateman with "Teen Wolf 2" rather than Arrested Development. Common's pretty good though for modern hip-hop, which is now more or less disco with cussing these days.
various by Vern	Dec 8th, 2006 01:59:03 PM
GHOSTBALL/FRANKLIN: It's been a while since I heard anything about VERN TELLS IT LIKE IT IS (which was the name of the script). Supposedly various producers told him they loved it and would never make a movie like that. The screenwriter is pretty tenacious so maybe he is still trying to get it made. Otherwise it will be a legendary unmade movie like Jodorowsky's DUNE or Harmony Korine's MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3. FAT PAUL: Man, they stopped making screeners for Seagal pictures, and now that it's out some motherfucker rented it before me. I gotta wait for it to be back in at the video store. SPANDAU: Good one bud. THE FUNKETEER: Not sure who that is, I am talking about the guy who collects different hats and sells products for The Gap in the name of peace and love. SLEEPYHOLLOWMAN: I love OUT FOR A KILL. So far it is the only movie where Seagal plays a professor at Yale. I wish his recent ones were as crazy as that one (or BELLY OF THE BEAST, have you seen that? Amazing.) As for DRIVE, I have seen it a couple times, it is pretty fun but I just don't get that excited about it. People actually recommend that one to me alot. I think Mark Dacascos is pretty cool though (even if he's the poor man's Brandon Lee). SMART SHOPPER: Just make sure that Amy Smart consents to you doing her in public BEFORE and not AFTER you start doing her, that is the problem I have with Chev "all time worst name for a movie character" Chilios's activities.
you besmirch the bate! by occula	Dec 8th, 2006 06:34:59 PM
mc vamp, how dare you talk smack about 'teen wolf 2', a member of a very elite group of horrific 80s movie sequels that includes 'zapped again' and 'nerds in paradise'!! it takes a lot of hard work to be that bad! just ask elizabeth berkeley.
Hmmm... by wonkakillskids	Dec 8th, 2006 10:10:05 PM
I saw it at a screening a week ago in NY and enjoyed the hell out of it. I spoke with a few people afterwards and they all loved it. I asked them why. Tremor Brothers. Sadly, they didn't get enough time in the film. Well, nobody truly did. I could've done with the subplot which became the actual plot in the end, but Ryan Reynolds playing straight man was a good ol' time. Not a great film... but a great time is to be had while watching it. Plus Alicia Keys looked rather nice in it.
There is always a guy like The Funketeer... by Bob Cryptonight	Dec 8th, 2006 10:57:23 PM
It's amazing! In every review Vern does...some idiot DOESN'T GET IT!!!!!! And then posts about it!!!!!! Excellent, Funkie, excellent! You've stumbled into infamy!
Oh I get it. by The Funketeer	Dec 9th, 2006 09:43:02 AM
but "getting it" doesn't make it funny.
"By the way" by onemanarmy	Dec 11th, 2006 12:15:29 AM
"..thank you for reading this paragraph, those other guys who didn't read it are a bunch of sissies. Fuck those guys." Classic shit there Vern. No wonder I enjoy reading your reviews so much. Can't wait to see this movie.
Vern - I think you are forgetign a classic by Uridium	Dec 11th, 2006 09:04:49 AM
Quote---------------- I don't think anybody has done hitmen who appear to believe they live in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Until now. --------------------- In answer to that I just have to say two words - Raising Arizona. If you don't remember, go watch it, an awsome Nick Cage film. The hitman/tracker chasing him most deffinatly has Lord Humungus as a previous employer on his resume.
Maybe I'm getting old... by BizarroJerry	Jan 26th, 2007 07:33:50 AM
but this kind of movie just gives me a headache.

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