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ZeroC Reviews The Newest Charlie Kaufman Script!!

FIRST! by StarBlitzer	Sep 28th, 2006 06:41:48 AM
How sweet it is!!!
second by ImJustABill	Sep 28th, 2006 06:42:58 AM
second
and third by ImJustABill	Sep 28th, 2006 06:43:42 AM
and third
sounds like a made for tv movie..... by ImJustABill	Sep 28th, 2006 06:45:12 AM
sounds like a made for tv movie.....
when is it coming on lifetime? LMAO by ImJustABill	Sep 28th, 2006 06:48:43 AM
when is it coming on lifetime? LMAO
Oh God, call the doctors... by thenewpulper	Sep 28th, 2006 07:32:15 AM
Everyone stay on the lookout for ImJustABill's ass, he seems to have misplaced it.
So pretty straight forward plot then... by brycemonkey	Sep 28th, 2006 07:44:36 AM
OK. I'm sure it'll be much easier to follow on screen than in that review. Probably.
thenewpulper- by RenoNevada2000	Sep 28th, 2006 07:59:21 AM
I saw ImJustABill's ass. It's wrapped around his head.
LATINO REVIEW script reviews by RenoNevada2000	Sep 28th, 2006 08:00:53 AM
LR script reviews all read like fourth grade book reports. "Stuff happened. Then some more stuff happened. I liked this script. Except it could have used more explosions. The end." Crap, do they suck.
Aint It Cool Times by max404	Sep 28th, 2006 08:04:14 AM
read it here.... http://blogs.suntimes.com/scan ners/2006/09/aintitcooltimes.h tml
I just hope it's not directed by a phony... by mr. brownstone	Sep 28th, 2006 08:08:35 AM
like Spike Jonesberg or Mike Gondry. Did I just write that?
Kaufman's scripts read well, but can't be described... by Roguewriter	Sep 28th, 2006 08:34:52 AM
No worries about the relatively muddled nature of your review, ZeroC -- it's simply impossible to describe Kaufman's works to other people; they must be read individually. I can't wait for this one. Kaufman's just amazing.
Sounds very interesting... by DanielKurland	Sep 28th, 2006 08:46:49 AM
I'm just glad he's still writing movies, and if he directs it too, I wish him the best of luck. Kaufman and Chan Wook-Park news in the same day, how lucky are we?
I've seen this already. by Flim_	Sep 28th, 2006 09:21:33 AM
It was the video for Bjork's Bachelorette, directed by Michel Gondry.
Re: Bjork's Bachelorette... by Gilkuliehe	Sep 28th, 2006 09:25:49 AM
Now that's something I can watch a zillion times. I stopped reading this review, but now that you mention that I'll have to finish it... By the way, Gondry's take on Kauffman is still the best.
Latino Review script reviews by The guy	Sep 28th, 2006 09:35:27 AM
I thought it was just me, but their script reviews are just awful. It's not uncommon to see something like "The beats are there, the plot points are all there." Wow, what insight. The guy who reviews their scripts wouldn't know a good script if it bit him on his big fat ass. Last year he raved about Haven and surprise, surprise it turned out to be shit. I also remember reading a rave about El Cantante, the new Hector Lavoe biopic. They went as far as saying that it was Oscar material. I heard from someone who saw it recently that it's a big fucking mess..and all the problems are in the script.
I bet I'll be oh so suprised by this by INWOsuxRED	Sep 28th, 2006 09:40:06 AM
Kaufman is becoming M. Night as far as being stuck in a formula that makes any attempt at suprise really fall flat. I'd like to see him write something that isn't so laden in gimmicks.
Q: Who? by Trevor Goodchild	Sep 28th, 2006 09:42:07 AM
A; David O'Russell directing Paddy Considine.
Chicky you're an ass-all. by Gilkuliehe	Sep 28th, 2006 10:01:44 AM
He he. You're pretty much right though.
Who Will Play Caden? by Zubalove Redux	Sep 28th, 2006 10:06:31 AM
Why can I not picture anyone but Paul Giamatti for Caden?
Zubalove by Flim_	Sep 28th, 2006 10:14:08 AM
Because you've got a nondescript medical condition that causes you to see Giamatti in all kinds of roles, even ones that aren't right for him. Wait, are you a casting director? You must be, because every casting director has that disease. Why do they keep casting him?
So now everybody has bad things to say about Kaufman by Lovecraftfan	Sep 28th, 2006 10:18:07 AM
Wow what a huge surprise cause backlash never happens on this board.First while he does mine the same gimmicks all of his films are different thematically. Second Eternal Sunshine is simply a masterpiece of cinema. And third you're right ket's put down someone doing something constantly different in cinema. Sometimes I just don't get you guys. I'm surprised Lynch hasn't suffered the dreaded AICN backlash.
Lovecraftfan: Join us... by brycemonkey	Sep 28th, 2006 10:32:45 AM
We can start a thread about classic 70's TV shows that ought to be remade with Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller. Screw all this mind fuck stuff. I want TJ Hooker: The remade movie: Wilson = TJ, Stiller = Hooker! ;-)
For the record, this "ZeroC" person is not me. by ZeroCorpse	Sep 28th, 2006 10:37:31 AM
I've been ZeroCorpse since before Q-Link, in the early 1980s on BBSs. All the bogus motherfucking "ZeroC" types you see online are usually taking the name from "Hackers" (which was also well after I started being ZeroCorpse) and have nothing to do with me.
sounds great, actually by beamish13	Sep 28th, 2006 10:51:04 AM
I've always wanted to see more crotch-sniffing scenes in films. That's real passion right there.
ZeroCorpse, I'm the one who wrote the review by ZeroC	Sep 28th, 2006 11:00:18 AM
I called myself ZeroC for obvious reasons. Oh, if anyone has further questions about the script, feel free to ask. I know my synopsis was kind of confusing, but I was in a rush and it is a Kaufman script after all.
It's time for another Uwe Boll-style showdown by Garbageman33	Sep 28th, 2006 11:04:32 AM
ZeroCorpse vs. ZeroC. Winner gets to keep the name.
Lynch? Ugh. by Flim_	Sep 28th, 2006 11:06:13 AM
I've gone on record bashing Lynch before. That is, if you're referring to David Lynch. Of course, I can't really think of any Lynch that doesn't suck. Liam Lynch, David Lynch... That's all I can come up with, and they're both tossers. Oh yeah, and so is Colonel Lynch from THE A-TEAM. I know, he was on THE A-TEAM so he should get a free pass, but the thing is that Decker and Fullbright were so much better. Don't even get me started on Stockwell, who was just worthless. Well, as worthless as Robert Vaughan playing the Robert Vaughan role can be, which, if you must know, is not terribly worthless. Just kinda worthless when held up to Lance LeGault and Jack "The Ging'r" Ging. Has anyone else here seen that rocking "Bring Back The A-Team" show that they did in the UK? Look it up on your fave torrent site, I almost coughed up a lung I laughed so hard. I don't know how I got this far off-topic, but, there you go.
whatever by reckni	Sep 28th, 2006 11:44:07 AM
i'm sure it'll be watchable.
oh, Thunderballs... by BadMrWonka	Sep 28th, 2006 12:01:57 PM
in case you missed them, scroll up and read Thunderballs' comments above. good for a solid laugh. anyone that thinks the first half of Adaptation was good and the ending fell apart COMPLETELY missed the point, and loses all credibility with me. Eternal Sunshine boring? holy hell...don't worry, they'll make Bad Boys 3 pretty soon and you can go watch that with a big erection...
Latino Review Does Simple Coverage by PleasureB4Business	Sep 28th, 2006 12:39:15 PM
Most of LR's reviews read like coverage. As someone who also does this for a studio, the lingo is easily recognizable. Reviews like the one above are written for an AICN audience. LR is fine, don't confuse different tastes with unfamiliar formats.
just because his movies explore similar themes by maluquiro	Sep 28th, 2006 01:29:22 PM
doesn't mean they're all the same. look at the difference between eternal sunshine and adaptation...
exactly by Lovecraftfan	Sep 28th, 2006 01:37:36 PM
Eternal Sunshine is about the complexities of love and Adaptation is an exploration of the creative mind. Ya those sound exactly the same.
I would like to see Kaufman make a "normal" movie by JohnGalt06	Sep 28th, 2006 01:43:28 PM
Now, don't get me a wrong. In my opinion, BEING JOHN MALKOVICH is one of the best movies ever made. ADAPTATION is engaging, thoughtful, brilliant. I like ETERNAL SUNSHINE a lot but I'm not in love with it like many people are (this may be because I have a heart made out of coal). But I think Kaufman would like to write something more traditional and less quirky, if his character's crisis in ADAPTATION is any indication. Could he write and/or direct a satisfying three-act drama with no gimmicks? I would love to see what that would look like...
You'd like Kaufman to make a normal movie?! by Garbageman33	Sep 28th, 2006 01:49:29 PM
Would you also like to buy a Porsche and drive it 55 mph?
difference of opnions by davidpc	Sep 28th, 2006 01:59:36 PM
I can't see the problem with these 'gimmicks'. It's just his style.. it's like having a go at scorsese for being invovled with too many crime movies. I personally believe the movies that have been made from Kaufman scripts have been the highlights of the last few years [with a few exceptions]. I can't wait to see this movie... also an interesting choice for him to decide to direct. Why would he do that? There maybe something in script that he just needs to control himself! [Or i might just be talking shit, who the hell knows?]
Found my ass.... by ImJustABill	Sep 28th, 2006 02:29:42 PM
Thanks all.. I was sitting on it the whole time..
After reading these comments... by ImJustABill	Sep 28th, 2006 02:33:42 PM
I have to say... you people have no taste when it comes to films.. this Kaufman guy is a hack!
The word hack by Lovecraftfan	Sep 28th, 2006 02:54:43 PM
hack: Way way overused.
Wanting Kaufman to make a normal movie is like by eraser_x	Sep 28th, 2006 03:24:31 PM
wanting Peter Pan to grow up, get married, have kids, and be a corporate raider. What would be the freaking point?!!??!?! Also, Picasso's "normal" paintings and drawings exist for everyone to see, and they're not that interesting because there was never any doubt that Picasso had enough drawing and painting skill to make "normal" art.
I'd rather see that movie... by Christopher3	Sep 28th, 2006 03:27:55 PM
Referenced in "Adaptation" where there's this cop who's also a serial killer who's hunting himself. Looks like Showtime got it and turned it into a series.
Christopher3 by The Disco Plumber	Sep 28th, 2006 03:31:55 PM
Actually, that story was written ages ago by Philip K. Dick and was recently turned into a movie... "A Scanner Darkly". Only it wasn't a serial killer... it was a drug dealer.
Eraser_x, when can you have that Peter Pan script... by Garbageman33	Sep 28th, 2006 04:16:56 PM
...finished and on my desk? I'm picturing Robin Williams as Peter Pan. Maybe Jim Carrey. Honestly, you make a good point. Hiring Charlie Kaufman to make a normal movie is like drafting Michael Jordan and telling him you want him to set picks.
You can take your synecdoche and shove it up yourself. by Gandalf The Gaye	Sep 28th, 2006 04:29:22 PM
.
Film_ by Zubalove Redux	Sep 28th, 2006 04:46:15 PM
I post on AICN for the first time in YEARS and you slam me within minutes. Thank you. My faith in the negativity and idiocy of the talkbacks has been reaffirmed. I'm certain you film genius will lead to a very successful career in Hollywood. Asshat. They cast him because he has talent. Maybe someday, so will you. God knows they don't cast him for his good looks.
hold on by kill yr. idols	Sep 28th, 2006 04:51:08 PM
Why doesn't anybody ever mention Confessions of a Dangerous Mind? I always knew that there had to be a conservative bias amongst the talkbackers. Clooney haters, all of you.
CONFESSIONS is the most over-directed movie ever by JohnGalt06	Sep 28th, 2006 04:56:52 PM
It's been forgotten about because Clooney ruined it. Not even the great Sam Rockwell could save it.
Kaufman is a master. by Mechasheeva	Sep 28th, 2006 05:09:59 PM
Simple. He's consistently turning out the best, most original screenplays around. Being John Malkovich is genius, but I think it's the weakest of the three. Adaptation is probably the greatest film about writing ever made, and Eternal Sunshine has my favorite screen romance ever. And for everyone wanting him to do a "normal" movie (whatever that means), Confessions is hopefully as close as you'll get. And that movie ruled, too. People who say Kaufman is a hack don't know good writing, that's all.
Hiring Kaufman to make a non-gimmick movie by INWOsuxRED	Sep 28th, 2006 05:27:24 PM
is like hiring Lynch to make a "normal" movie. It was called "The Straight Story" and it was fantastic, and I'm thankful he made it.
Gondry/Bjork's BACHELORETTE video by CENOBITE	Sep 28th, 2006 07:12:59 PM
Well, this film sounds like it's been inspired by this video directed my Michelle Gondry for Bjork's song "Bachelorette", a video where reality becomes turned to a stageplay until the line of what is real is lost into the fiction of the play itself. http://tinyurl.com/jxlep
Oops. _Film beat me to it. by CENOBITE	Sep 28th, 2006 07:15:14 PM
NM. >_
Kaufman to write and direct Transformers 2. by CreasyBear	Sep 28th, 2006 07:20:57 PM
Optimus with flames has dreams (or is it reality?) of being a cab-over truck without flames, while the cab-over version is actually a toy in the '80's hallucinating that he is on Cybertron dreaming of traveling to Earth and battling a giant porcupine robot that thinks it's shrinking into a gun.
TOO SOON!! by Jackson Healy	Sep 28th, 2006 07:36:10 PM
Tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oo Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo on!!!!!!!
Zubalove by Flim_	Sep 28th, 2006 11:31:39 PM
I love you.
I like his movies, I just hate his pompous fans. by Cotton McKnight	Sep 29th, 2006 06:20:55 AM
The people who "love" his movies are an irritating lot.
Giamatti & Zooboomafoolove by Flim_	Sep 29th, 2006 08:31:43 AM
I didn't mean to insult you, Zubalove... I was insulting casting agents everywhere who seem to have no minds of their own, and just cast the people at the top of a very short list over and over. I did, however, word my post hamfistedly, so I apologise unreservedly. I don't doubt that Giamatti has talent, just not enough to be casting him at the level they do. It seems as though casting agents have a really awful tendency to second-guess themselves, and just go with who has been cast most recently. However, I must applaud whomever cast Robert Downey Jr. in IRON MAN, because that's fucking genius. Not only does he seem the Tony Stark type, but he's also got a personal history as a substance abuser, which will play perfectly into the role. Kudos to you, good casting agent!
I like how Human Nature has just been written off by Bass Ackwards	Sep 29th, 2006 01:00:49 PM
The Kaufman flick that never happened.
Film_ by Zubalove Redux	Sep 29th, 2006 04:28:46 PM
Oh my God, Film_. I needed that so badly. Thank you. Seriously.
Nahhh.. I usually like ZeroC. by ZeroCorpse	Sep 29th, 2006 05:01:35 PM
I was temporarily an amateur boxer in my youth, but I'm too old to be fighting people over silly shit. I just wanted to make it clear it wasn't me who submitted the review, both because the real submitter deserves the credit, and because I don't want his writing style to be confused with mine. Not that there's anything wrong with his..!
Sounds like shit by jplestatsd	Oct 1st, 2006 02:00:50 AM
This movie will be a steaming pile of indecipherable, pretentious shit that many will "get" because it is different and hail as the best thing since Kaufman's last indecipherable, pretentious piece of shit. I HATE his movies. Sad thing, is I try to find what the appeal is each time he comes out with one, and I always think that it is just arrogant, self indulgent pseudo-intellectual crap, much like this last sentence. I will be smart this time and totally skip it.

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ZeroC Reviews The Newest Charlie Kaufman Script!!

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