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Neill Cumpston Makes Sweet, Sweet Love To SIN CITY!!

Nice by Mr Bonefish	Mar 21st, 2005 01:14:56 AM
Put my ass on the chicken truck...
Cumpsten:Movie Reviews::Clapton::Guitar by docfalken	Mar 21st, 2005 01:17:13 AM

Why isn't Neil on the payroll for the site? by Monkey Butler	Mar 21st, 2005 01:22:00 AM
Seriously, make him a regular reviewer for all the event movies. Even though his Matrix Reloaded review ended up being completely wrong, I really wanna hear what he has to say about Batman, Hitchhiker's and Star Wars.
A comic orgasm - first? by Messyjoe	Mar 21st, 2005 01:22:46 AM
I just cannot wait for this after seeing the trailers. Jessica honey I love you.
Moriarty writes these himself by HardcoreRocker	Mar 21st, 2005 01:24:41 AM
There is no Neill Cumpston. Bah humbug.
Good luck getting any of THESE quotes on the dvd cover by SilentBob X	Mar 21st, 2005 01:24:43 AM
By the way, anyone who says 'first' in any form? Is gay. Thank you
Especially if it's written nearly 10 minutes after the real firs by Monkey Butler	Mar 21st, 2005 01:25:49 AM

Here's yet another of NC's reviews where it's clear he hasn't ac by FrankDrebin	Mar 21st, 2005 01:26:32 AM
It's okay if AICN wants to branch out into fiction, but there should be a separate column for it.
Wow....summary and minimal analysis by Sweeper887	Mar 21st, 2005 01:29:57 AM
If I wasn't already strapped for time by several papers, I would write a slightly more articulate and readable review of Sin City and submit it to Harry and the gang. But, as my luck would have it, I honestly don't have the time. What disappoints me about this review is that it is primarily plot summary and description... it doesn't really say much about the film itself. After viewing Sin City in a Minneapolis suburb on St. Patrick's Day, I would have to say that Sin City is to 2005 as Citizen Kane was to 1941. Neither film was (or will be) praised for its plot -- while the plots of both films are great, they are not what actually makes the FILMS great. No, much like with Citizen Kane, the greatness of Sin City comes from its innovation in its visual style. This is the future of genre filmmaking, ladies and gentlemen! Robert Rodriguez has created a visual feast for the eyes and soul -- and for each viewer, the film will own both. No doubt about that. It was absolutely amazing.
Rodriguez says he'd be willing to make a sequel (if this one doe by FrankDrebin	Mar 21st, 2005 01:31:28 AM
http://www.comingsoon.net/news /topnews.php?id=8852
I Pissed Myself by DoogieHowitzer	Mar 21st, 2005 01:33:33 AM
This guy needs to put out a book of reviews - I would pay $20 no questions asked......too fucking funny for words. Also - can't WAIT to see this damned movie.
Sweeper, you clueless tool. by Virgil Hilts	Mar 21st, 2005 01:38:00 AM
Neil Cumpston is on of the funniest motherfuckers who ever lived.
Tool? by Sweeper887	Mar 21st, 2005 01:40:53 AM
Virgil, I guess that I would have to actually have one before being one, eh? Maybe I just appreciate a little bit about the film itself in clearly written language instead of 'that chick from 25th hour', etc. Not that I don't appreciate some good humor now and again, but this review says very little of substance about the film.
Yes, you too can create a review like this.. by NiceMarmot	Mar 21st, 2005 01:49:58 AM
Simply eat a box of crayons and refer to the actors not by name, but by whatever other movies they have made - not once, not twice, but eighteen times. This guy is no Vern.
Great. As a film reviewer I feel totally redudant. I tip my hat, by Latauro	Mar 21st, 2005 01:52:04 AM

Folks, there's no need to fight. This isn't a review. It's an by FrankDrebin	Mar 21st, 2005 01:59:48 AM
There's "very little of substance about the film" because this is nothing but a stand-up comedy act. He can't comment on the quality of the filmmaking, because he didn't see it. He says nothing about whether the music score is appropriate, whether there's a clever title sequence, whether the touches of color and cartoon effects are used continuously or just now and then, whether the digital backgrounds are convincing, whether the dialog captures the style of the books, whether the heavy makeup is distracting, whether any of the actors go overboard with their characters, whether it has an open ending that might lead to a sequel, etc. He's just pulling some of the plot points from other reviews and adding his masturbation jokes.
Carla Gugino by jocutus	Mar 21st, 2005 02:05:20 AM
I saw a cover of a recent Wonder Woman comic where the artist basically painted her as Carla wearing a red dress at a party or something. Is this woman in the running for the movie? She was real nice in Karen Sisco. Is there a DVD for that out yet? Also, I can't believe people are asking for serious film criticism from NC. His review for one of the LotR movies had me rolling - Rudy, Fredo and Magneto, etc. Good stuff.
Answering Specific Questions by Sweeper887	Mar 21st, 2005 02:16:34 AM
Maybe you are right, Frank. But, I can at least offer my own view on a few of your questions. There is a rather clever transition to the title of the film -- there is a shot of the cityscape, pulling back into the words Sin City, which quickly transform from buildings into the red colored font known so well to readers of the novels. The touches of color...well, I thought that they were rather appropriately done. On a technical note, the film was shot on color stock and the color was removed later (it's a HELL of a lot cheaper to remove the color than to put color into black and white film stock). A bit of color here and there just to emphasize the blood, a dress, someone's hair color, etc. worked quite effectively thoughout the film. The cartoon effects (or comic effects as I would probably refer to them) were used a bit more often than the colorization -- the film is, after all, a telling of a graphic novel, and I felt that the switching between live action and the comic effect enhanced the film -- it really felt like a live-action comic, sans the cheesiness of prior attempts at this style. Regarding the authencity of the dialogue, I am a bit ashamed to say that I have not read the source material, but the dialogue had a very film noir feel to it, while at the same time, adding a rather witty sense of humor to the film that is rarely found in any 'true' noir film. There were some great one-liners in the film. Without going into major spoilers, the ending itself is open-ended (as in there are many stories in Sin City), but I will say that there are a few characters that won't be coming back for a sequel, provided that the film doesn't tank and Rodriquez makes a second film. I hope that this answers a few of your questions.
I will never, ever read a single word written by this goofball by AlwaysThere	Mar 21st, 2005 02:29:12 AM
That kid needs to lay off the sugar. My God...let someone lock him up.
Sweeper887 by SPEEDRAZOR	Mar 21st, 2005 03:49:42 AM
Dude, you do realise there was no actual film stock used on this movie right? what with it being a pioneering work for digital video and all. you know this right?
The three levels will become a new standard for me personally by moviemaniac-7	Mar 21st, 2005 04:19:23 AM
Brilliant. Write more!
Did somebody just walk on my grave? by Vern	Mar 21st, 2005 04:47:24 AM
just got a weird feeling is all
No surprise that RR is willing to do a sequel by Gheorghe Zamfir	Mar 21st, 2005 04:59:46 AM
Has he made a film that has NOT had a sequel? But if there is a sequel what are the chances he could pull off a cast like this again?
Well is seems pretty obvious by Fuzhi	Mar 21st, 2005 05:52:43 AM
that if Sin City does well at the Box Office, Rodriguez will be able to get a great cast again - and will be interested in making a sequel. But if it tanks at the Box Office he will only be able to make it direct to dvd / or limited release, with mostly unknown cast, which he wont be intested in.
QUIERO LA CABEZA DE ALFREDO GARCIA, Quentin... by CuervoJones	Mar 21st, 2005 06:07:58 AM

Complaints are sooo Original by Redbox	Mar 21st, 2005 07:19:51 AM
Look, we all know by now, this guy is an acquired taste. I read heavy duty film criticism and I think he's brilliant. Its just fucking funny shit! But for someone to complain about him, with all the other reviews for this movie on this site, and then use their complaints of this guy's review as a platform to try to pull attention to their own boring review, is just sad. It's sad in that "making love with your vacuum cleaner" kind of way. Send your reviews to Harry, or put them in the regular talkback, this isn't a place for you. And please, will you remember you don't like this guy so I don't have to read your boring opinion next time I read a Neil review. Cheers!
This is why the internet sucks by Fearsme	Mar 21st, 2005 07:34:28 AM
"Jessica Alba comes onscreen and makes your dick want to drive a chicken truck into a school of retards". This might be mildly amusing if it was just a dumbass writing a review, but this whole thing feels like a guy trying to sound like Maddox. I dont even know why i clicked this review. I was more interested in Sin City than Neil's sad attempt at sounding cool. It makes me miss the refinement of plant reviews.
It's good that some things never change by Stan Gable	Mar 21st, 2005 08:45:42 AM
Cumpston is awesome, like a gimp that Harry keeps in a foot locker in his basement, only let out periodically to watch a movie and write some stream of insane consciousness review. While everything else changes it's good to know that Cumpston goes on. I'd definitely rather see some quote from Cumpston appear on a TV spot for this movie than a "Totally Rocks" - Harry Knowles, Aint-It-Cool-News quote.
Neil: Need a Website? by GrammarPolice	Mar 21st, 2005 08:50:51 AM
Dear Neil, I'm a web designer, and I think we could collectively "knock one out of the park" if we joined forces. I would love to create a website dedicated to humorous movie reviews, and I think you'd be the ultimate choice to head up these efforts. Imagine, getting press passes to SXSW, gaining access to the movie elite, and then asking them, "What was it like to bleed jizz?" Oh, and to all these Talkbackers who don't think he's funny, you need to check for a pulse. It may be a stand-up act, and it very well might be written by one of our esteemed AICN writers, but it is genius.
Oh, and if you don't like Neil, you definitely won't get this: by GrammarPolice	Mar 21st, 2005 08:53:38 AM
http://www.realultimatepower.n et/
Is this guy in middle school? by Nozoki	Mar 21st, 2005 08:59:27 AM
Sure seems like it.
That ninja site... by DocPazuzu	Mar 21st, 2005 08:59:39 AM
...is the funniest thing I've seen in ages.
Real Ultimate Power by GrammarPolice	Mar 21st, 2005 09:09:42 AM
Yeah, I pop in to read the hate mail every so often. He has another site that cracks me up, too: internetmammogram.net
Digital film by Sweeper887	Mar 21st, 2005 09:10:34 AM
I guess that my above comments make me look like a poser and quite a bit of an ass. I guess I will just have to deal with stupid comments that I made while being a little too 'high' and mighty at 1:30 AM. Oh well. I made an assumption about there actually being film stock, and since there is only one way to create that effect using actual film (flaking that digital filmmaking is the wave of the future), I spoke w/o thinking. But, that still doesn't change the fact that Rodriguez used every amazing trick in the book in order to give this film it's amazing feel and that it is visually what Citizen Kane was for 1941.
Quite possibly the best reviewer you have on your site Harry! by Darth Sticky	Mar 21st, 2005 09:11:57 AM
Neill:Awesome Reviews::Chelsea Charms:Outrageously Oversized Titties!! Fuckin' Shit man! Fuckin' Shit!
NC RULES! by chrth	Mar 21st, 2005 09:32:41 AM
Fuck stupid Mongo review. Get this man a job with the fat one (take your pick, doesn't anyone reviewing movies work out?)
now THAT'S a tagline! by Hud	Mar 21st, 2005 09:34:12 AM
"I wanted to fuck everything in this movie
"Camed" In His Pants by Karl Childers	Mar 21st, 2005 09:37:36 AM
That's one picture I don't care to see.
My brain hurts. by Nosferatu Jones	Mar 21st, 2005 09:43:07 AM
Something tells me Mr. Cumpsten is a mildly-retarded 20-something frat nerd who's trying too hard to write a "cool" review that will appeal to 15-year old boys. Looks like he succeeded.
Yup. by Duck of Death	Mar 21st, 2005 10:08:17 AM
Like the other guy said, Cumpston is funny if you've never read Maddox. Otherwise it's sort of like Maddox, if Maddox forgot how to be funny and compensated with poopy jokes.
Cumpston Comes Alive by Boxcutter	Mar 21st, 2005 11:14:53 AM
Leave the man/boy/mutant Neill alone. This is geek juice at its purest. Lovely, lovely stuff. And if it helps this movie make some $, why not? Danger is: this baby will die because of the release date and the poor conventional publicity they're peddling.
So will this film only appeal to fanboys? by viola123	Mar 21st, 2005 11:27:03 AM
Thanks for the review. It sounds like this is a movie that will be appreciated, but only by those who "get it". I suppose that's what fans want though. They don't want a watered-down version to appease the masses, but a faithful adaptation for the book's readers (or those familiar with the work or works like it). I don't know, just judging by the reviews, it is either something you get (really get) or you don't.
I don't think that's "Fanboy language" so much as retarded... by D.Vader	Mar 21st, 2005 11:47:59 AM
Seriously. Retarded.
I find it fascinating that there are still douchebags who feel t by Mr. Waturi	Mar 21st, 2005 11:51:24 AM
This is Neill's 6th or 7th "review." If you don't like them, STOP READING THEM you humorless assholes.
Been waiting for Neill BYGOD Cumpston by DatoMan413	Mar 21st, 2005 12:09:45 PM
This guy is better than caffiene on a Monday. To all you who get it, good, 'cause this guy is a riot. To those who don't get it, grow a sense of humor. All I need now is for George, the Seventh Chicken!! to show up and my day's complete. Sin City will rule. Star Wars my @$$, the third installment will have to do a lot to top Miller/Rodgriguez.
Sweeper: by Tacodave	Mar 21st, 2005 12:12:28 PM
Nobody cares about your lame "this is like Citizen Kane" reference. You think your review is genius, we just think it's moronic. Stop posting.
That was an awful review by InZodWeTrust	Mar 21st, 2005 12:12:32 PM
I can't wait to see the movie though :) Rosario Dawson looks freakin good.
Cumpston by Mafu	Mar 21st, 2005 12:24:36 PM
Cumpston wrote, "What
Neil Cumpston is Patton Oswalt people!! by nicola	Mar 21st, 2005 12:34:41 PM
He let it slip once on his website when talking about Spiderman 2.
You had me at "chicken truck" by Joe Cool #2	Mar 21st, 2005 12:50:11 PM
That was over the top. You're a deranged human being, Cumpston. I like it.
Neil should have his own website by Lost Skeleton	Mar 21st, 2005 01:16:31 PM
Half the time...I don't understand a damn word he says but he has my read everytime "Matrix...kingdom of ass kicking!"
Not Another PLANT!!! by cganimation	Mar 21st, 2005 01:40:43 PM
Is this movie that BAD to have so many plants! Come on! This guy is trying so hard to come off like he's cool, it's so obvious a studio hack. Again and again, they keep missing the mark and underestimating the audience. Give me a break!
Please Stop being so dull!! by Redbox	Mar 21st, 2005 02:13:56 PM
Okay, fine. Those of you who have never read a Neill review: Go to the archive and read the others and get a feel for what he does. Notice his shtick. Realize this is done on purpose, whether or not he's as good as Mumford or whoever you read. Realize, that people who go back again and again to read his reviews think he's funny and don't care that you are a great reviewer or that you like Mannix more. Please God after all that realization sinks in, if you still feel the need to tell us how unsophisticated he is and how smart you are for noticing that he is dumb and potty mouthed, walk out of the rent's basement and go flag down the first large truck you see. Yes, that red one will do nicely. If he doesn't stop, don't take no for an answer, you get right out there and push that truck to a halt. If he does stop, lie down in front of the car and tell the driver something nice about his Mom. Either that or go back to your Hoover-loving, yer not appreciated here. Cheers! P.S. And try to limit the Orson Welles comparisons, we don't know that this is going to even slightly compare to Touch of Evil or The Lady from Shanghi or The Magnificent Andersons or Kane or even Carol Reed's The Third Man, which, in my opinion, is an even better film than Kane. Harry Lime is the best villain of all time!!
I'm dying by Creflo A. Dollar	Mar 21st, 2005 02:40:32 PM
makes your dick want to drive a chicken truck into a burning retard school. Totally twisted. I like the way this guy thinks.
Impatiently waiting by Mr_Furious	Mar 21st, 2005 02:53:03 PM
for Neill's online film theory course. Either that or him sitting across the aisle from Ebert. www.theletterd.blogspot.com
Still laughing.... by Ninja Nerd	Mar 21st, 2005 02:58:58 PM
...at this line in NC's review: "...a fireman and a stripper with an alligator head have a hammer fight..." I'd buy that for a dollar!
You can say a lot of things about Cumpston, but above all he nev by 007-11	Mar 21st, 2005 03:02:06 PM
It's never rehashed and it's never boring.
pathetic by The Flashlight	Mar 21st, 2005 03:38:28 PM
this was by far Cuntston's weakest effort. Nowhere near his first, and still best, review of X2.
The phrase... by BlackBeltJones	Mar 21st, 2005 03:41:16 PM
"makes your dick want to drive a chicken truck into a burning retard school" is the next "sexiest beanpole on the planet", "bomb in ribcage", "has a beer and cheats on his wife" phrase on AICN. Can't wait to see it worked into the rotation. Neil may not be the best reviewer, but damned if he get me into the seats after reading one of his reviews. Great stuff man, but you need to get out of the basement more often for reviews. The summer movies will be here soon, and I will need reviews to get me in the theater.
Neill Cumpston's Identity by DAS JANKE	Mar 21st, 2005 06:59:30 PM
is he Maddox? Has this been discussed? Cuz he reads like maddox (who loved the crap out of dawn of the dead)... eh. anyway, this movie is going to suck. like big time. i love robert rodriguez so much i almost wrote "love" as "luv" but decided not to in order to sound more like i was talking about his work, but i don't see this as being anything more than a second-tier league of extraordinary gentlesuck. of course, carla gugino's nipples will get me in that seat... but i like the lesbo makeout scene in center of the world anyway, so whatever.
Das Janke - Who the Fuck is Maddox? Also, I think the Cum Dumpst by PORKY	Mar 21st, 2005 08:48:52 PM
Right On! Neill
Well, it's not to say they read the SAME, by DAS JANKE	Mar 21st, 2005 09:05:01 PM
but i think there are some definite similarities. http://maddox.xmission.com/
click here to see carla gugino nude from 'sin city' by Snake Pliskin	Mar 23rd, 2005 01:04:18 AM
http://www.celebritymoviearchi ve.com/tour/movie.php/10662
Neil Cumpston??? by Blok Narpin	Mar 23rd, 2005 02:44:27 AM
Is Neil Cumpston really Patton Oswalt?? I kind of get the impression that it might be Patton Oswalt writing these reviews.
I'm not sure which is funnier - the review, or you helpless lose by WeedyMcSmokey	Mar 23rd, 2005 08:33:07 AM
I don't care if it's Patton Oswalt, Moriarty or the Man in the Fucking Moon - that is inspired shit.
Superiority?? by Blok Narpin	Mar 23rd, 2005 08:45:37 AM
What the fuck are you talking about, Weedy? I asked if it's Patton Oswalt. I never said I was superior to him. That doesn't make any fucking sense.
man oh man by lopan	Mar 23rd, 2005 09:16:55 AM
"batman all pissed off" man that review was fucking priceless just for that little tidbit. i pity the poor humorless fucks who can't just appreciate neill's reviews for being hilarious. who cares if he actually saw the movie? i;m laughing my arse off...
this guy is henry miller as a sugary happy meal, by doc_manhattan	Mar 23rd, 2005 12:37:54 PM
and I mean it as a compliment! damn, only at aicn..
Blok Narpin by WeedyMcSmokey	Mar 23rd, 2005 04:13:11 PM
I didn't mean you. But cheers for caring.
You had me until the DAWN OF THE DEAD thing by geekzapoppin	Mar 24th, 2005 11:57:01 AM
I still enjoy the hell out of a meaty Cumpston review, but anyone who thought that the heartless, scareless, mindless turd that was the recent DAWN OF THE DEAD was better than, well, anything save an advanced case of the clap needs his head examined. That being said, fine review as always.

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Neill Cumpston Makes Sweet, Sweet Love To SIN CITY!!

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