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VD's Big Come Back Leaves WAKE OF DEATH At Blockbusters Everywhere!

This guy really had me believing for a second there by vikingkitty	Oct 21st, 2004 07:08:14 AM
He sounded so sincere, I though Van Damme might have accidentally turned in a good performance. Then he started talking about John Woo perhaps being able to coax a good performance out of Van Damme. Hey, if the name "John Woo" is listed anywhere in the credits of a film, you've probably just seen a piece of shit, and it doesn't matter how much of a performance is coaxed out of the actors.
I like "Cyborg" when I was a kid... by Some Dude	Oct 21st, 2004 07:55:54 AM
Then I saw Once Upon a Time in America. But I still like the crucifixion scene.
King Tut, you just blew my mind! by Some Dude	Oct 21st, 2004 08:20:17 AM
Cyborg a modified sequel to He-Man? Fucking insane. Imagine the alternate universe where that happened. Van Damme kick-boxing Skeletor. Wow.
This was a pretty good read! by Lord_Soth	Oct 21st, 2004 08:51:06 AM

Arnolds best non-cyborg work remains his Ivan Reitman comedies, by The Merr	Oct 21st, 2004 09:03:15 AM
Stuff terminator...Predator was The Guv's best work...Like First Blood was for Stallone!! They just don't make 'em like that anymore!!
This site has a very loose definition of "cool news" these days by Chastain-86	Oct 21st, 2004 11:13:21 AM
1991 called, JC. They said your popularity license is past due. Also, there was another call from Sue at Applebee's -- they need THREE references on your application, not two. Hack.
I'd rather watch Van Damme's worst movie than have to watch anym by cinematt	Oct 21st, 2004 11:22:42 AM
Van Damme may be ass as an actor, but at least I don't have to see any shitty Gungans in his movies! George Lucas should have taken a tip from Van Damme and sent his piece of shit new trilogy straight to video so that the people who actually liked those things (all four of them) can dress up as Jar Jar in the privacy of their pathetic parent's basements while playing them over and over again. Fuck Geroge Lucas! GEORGE LUCAS RAPED MY CHILDHOOD!
George Lucas rules by spectrebeeyatch	Oct 21st, 2004 11:50:48 AM
GEROGE LUCAS SAVED MY CHILDHOOD
thank you claude van damme, for a review of your latest flick.- by dr.bulber	Oct 21st, 2004 11:56:23 AM
dodge 0 interst. cheers.
Harry, you farking idiot by Hud	Oct 21st, 2004 11:59:01 AM
That headline cracked me up! Way to write a hook, fella. Oh, yeah: Van Damme for Mr. Mxysptlk.
Who in X3? by Trevor Goodchild	Oct 21st, 2004 12:09:38 PM
Not Gambit as everyone says. Maybe Madrox?
Perfectly good opportunity for a pun was wasted. by Floyd Gondolli	Oct 21st, 2004 12:56:06 PM
'It does seem though that in America at least, Van Damme
"Double Team" by Drunken Rage	Oct 21st, 2004 01:11:45 PM
was one of the most entertaining movies I've ever seen. It's a hoot!
I just want to eat. by Moe Ron	Oct 21st, 2004 01:29:28 PM
So this guy wasn't being tongue in cheek, he actually likes Van Damme? I'm sorry, pundits, but his best movie was Death Warrant. Hands down. It had Benson in it, and Joshua Miller. Anyone see that steamer Desert Heat? It had two different directors credited, and I don't mean at the same time. One was John Avildsen. It tried to be a Yojimbo in the desert with meth gangs. Oh yeah, Pat Morita was in there some where too. And DOLPH's best movie was by far I Come In Peace.
Hey popkulturist by cinematt	Oct 21st, 2004 01:57:11 PM
The original trilogy was a gift to moviegoers everywhere, and THEN GEORGE LUCAS CRAPPED ALL OVER IT WITH ALL HIS SPECIAL EDITIONS! AND WHEN HE WAS DONE CRAPPING ALL OVER IT, HE MADE TWO AND SOON TO BE THREE SHITTY PREQUELS THAT NOBODY LIKED, SO WE GOT ANOTHER STEAMING PILE OF CRAP FROM GEORGE LUCASMOTHERFUCKER! AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN! GEORGE LUCAS RAPED MY CHILDHOOD! Anyway, on topic: Van Damme's career began to die when he made The Quest. That is all.
God damn, I was just gonna review this one! by Vern	Oct 21st, 2004 02:22:33 PM
And this motherfucker moves in on my territory. Admittedly, I am less familiar with Van Damme than I am with Seagal (outside of the Tsui Hark surrealist period of Double Team and Knock Off) so maybe this territory really belongs to the gentleman who wrote this here. But jesus, what the hell else am I supposed to do between Seagal movies? Those only come every 4-6 months. Oh well. p.s. buy my new book: http://www.lulu.com/outlawvern
Knock off is the Worst film i've ever seen. by BigTuna	Oct 21st, 2004 03:19:40 PM
Seriously, and i've seen some real bad ones. It uses 1970's stock footage for all it's action scenes. It's unspeakably bad. Double team is much better, not nearly as bad.
JEAN-CLAUDE HAS VD? WHAT KIND OF MOVIE IS THAT? by UncleSam	Oct 21st, 2004 04:35:07 PM

Vin Diesal by FNORDcinco1	Oct 21st, 2004 04:55:39 PM
With the direction of Vin's career, I was half expecting this to be an article about him...
Amazing. Freaking Amazing... by belialprod	Oct 21st, 2004 05:45:44 PM
...how an article on something like Jean-Claude Van Damme's latest movie STILL manages to turn into a debate about STAR WARS. You geeks wanna get a grip? "Star Wars" is a trio of crap pulp movies that, the rest of the world outside of this website agrees, were last noteworthy in 1983, 22 years ago. "Star Wars" blows dog now. Move on and argue about something else- ANYTHING ELSE- fer Christ's sake. it would be wrong to say get a life, becuase, after all, I myself just wasted 5 minutes of MY life rading a review of a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie, but...fuck I am sick of Star Wars being the centre of all that gravity clings to on this site! Look to the right, and you'll notice the rule against off topic BS.
Welcome back by RowanM	Oct 21st, 2004 05:58:53 PM
I used to be a huge Van Damme fan, then Street Fighter came along and completely disillusioned me. Bloodsport was entertaining as was Kickboxer, Death Warrant A.W.O.L. aka Legionaire, and especially Universal Soldier (One of Lundgren's best performances). I've only seen a handful of Van Dammes's latest offerings since, but I suppose I'll give the Muscles from Brussells another go, if only for nostalgias sake.
I usually don't traffic in celebrity gossip, but... by Some Dude	Oct 21st, 2004 06:31:27 PM
I heard a story that Van Damme and his wife (now ex?) picked this chick up at a bar. Threeway ensues back at home. Wife leaves the room. JC stands up on the bed, straddles the woman's chest and drops a steaming loaf between her breasts. Horrifying. I am inclined to believe this story.
Please stop using JC when refering to Van Damme. by Floyd Gondolli	Oct 21st, 2004 06:50:00 PM
Thanks to Some Dude, I just got the image of Jesus Christ taking a shit on some woman. Jesus has never been in any martial arts B-movie, and no, Van Damme is NOT the Messiah. Anyway, another Lundgren film to treasure is Hidden Agenda (not to be confused with Hidden Assassin, that was shit).
Floyd Gondolli... by Some Dude	Oct 21st, 2004 07:15:42 PM
Even though Jesus movies make more money than Van Damme movies these days (WTF happened to the world?) I'll give the Muscles from Brussels the right to use the initials JC because, afterall, he is real and the fantastical version of Jesus is not. If Christians can wait 2000 years for the big return of their superhero, I think we can give JC-VD 20 years to make a come back in a Tarantino movie or something like that.
Hell yeah by BillEmic	Oct 21st, 2004 10:36:45 PM
I, for one, sincerely appreciate this review. JCVD kicks ass. I don't care what anyone says - "Knock Off" is one of the best directed action movies ever made. Tsui Hark is king. "Maximum Risk" is also top notch. Oh, and as far as Dolph goes...what about "Army of One"? That scene in the auto factory is pure genius.
I dug Knock-Off and Double Team by Mr Brownstone	Oct 22nd, 2004 01:59:43 AM
there I said it.
Cinematt, Don't Blame Lucas by vash666	Oct 22nd, 2004 04:56:25 AM
The guy made his films his way and nobody has forced you to watch a single minute of any of his movies. Your childhood was no doubt compromised by your own curious fingers along time ago, so cut the shit and get a fucking life. Nobody cares if you like these films or not but a few of us who are not whiny, cynical little pussies are actually enjoying what Lucas has delivered so why don't you go find some art house Eurotrash film to venerate and leave the rest of us in peace. Seriously, you're giving shrill cunts a bad name.
Vash666 raped my childhood! by cinematt	Oct 22nd, 2004 01:44:51 PM
Actually, vash666, I'm not into art flicks much, I like trashy bad movies. Have you seen Dodgeball? What a cinematic masterpiece! EAT A BEAVER, SAVE A TREE!
john clod van darn by mikep	Oct 23rd, 2004 04:07:38 AM
what a poophead. and if georeg lucas threw his own feces onto the floor and filmed it people would watch. but it would still be poop.
Straight to video action movies can be good sometimes by Psychonaut	Oct 23rd, 2004 11:55:45 AM
Not often, admittedly, but as someone said above, Dolph's "I Come In Peace" (or "Dark Angel" as it was called in the UK) is pretty good. So is "Men of War," also starring Dolph. I think I'll check out this new Van Damme movie, just to see. Might be good.
DTV by BillEmic	Oct 23rd, 2004 01:24:29 PM
There have been some good recent direct-to-video movies... JC's own "In Hell" was pretty damn good. At the very least it was uncompromisingly dark and grim. And Seagal's "Belly of the Beast" had a lot of well-choreographed action, courtesy of the director of Jet Li's "Swordsman 2" and "Chinese Ghost Story". So, by nature, direct to videos don't have to suck...they just do, most of the time. Did anyone else sit through Dolph's recent D-to-V "Detention"? Replace Michelle Pheiffer with Dolph in "Dangerous Minds" and you might get some idea of how bad this movie sucked.

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VD's Big Come Back Leaves WAKE OF DEATH At Blockbusters Everywhere!

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