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A spoiler-ific review of HAUTE TENSION!!!

First and a Question by Boxclocke	May 3rd, 2004 04:40:30 AM
...shoulg you be allowed to review movies like this if you still use words like "dykes"? Cro-magnon.
"really fuckin tired and officially scared of dykes" by Mr Brownstone	May 3rd, 2004 04:45:24 AM
rotfl
We saw this at BNAT5... by 433	May 3rd, 2004 09:16:23 AM
...and yeah, it sucked. Cute girls, it started out well, but yeah, the whole twist was terribly done. There were far too many things that didn't add up.
For a positive review by KryptonsLastSon	May 3rd, 2004 10:24:37 PM
he sure goes into a long diatribe on giving his rationale for liking it, even though it sounds like it really does suck and he knows it sucks but doesn't want you to think it sucks, while it stands there and wiggles its ass in your face and says "I suck, motherfucker." all the while trying to hit on your mom and get her to dyke out with your girlfirend right in front of you in the line to get some popcorm before the feature presentation, all the while talking on its cell phone through the previews and sitting there feeling smug for tricking your ass with a lame twist and the use of big words and dime-store psychology, which you don't get because your father never took you fishing and couldn't affor to send you to State U, cause your cheating mom left with that bastard in the popcorn line, after he greased the face of your girlfriend and got you in trouble for throwing spitwads in fifth period English class while you were trying to just do your homework and get into that State U, but no! the fucking prick had to go behind your back and see that movie that Harry said should have had dead raped deer in it, or that other guy though should have Hulk Hogan as the main baddie, while the cast of Firefly stood along the side of the road and tried to figure out if they should just staright out beg for money or offer "services" in exchange for crack money or sandwiches, then up drives your mom with the little prick from the previews and what does she do but give the bastards a 100 dollar bill thus leaving them alive long enough for the Whedon to come along and create a reunion movie with the Cast of Buffy and Angel, during the premiere of which is the big story of Nicholas Brendon being a man-whore and having a nervous breakdown outside of the same low rent motel that this prick greased your girlfriend's face inside of, but thats okay because he then went and got the HIV and ended up dying of a long slow and protracted death which made up for him talking on his mobile during the previews which was really distracting...... Now with writing skills like that I bet I qualify to write a review, don't I?
Good movie, but it also has plot holes as big as Rosie O'Donnell by jackburton2004	May 3rd, 2004 10:26:11 PM

if all reviews involved dyke mom's and the cast of firefly beggi by full_time_killer	May 4th, 2004 04:04:01 AM
this site would rule. If you want a modern horror film with - real - creeping fear and brutal dismemberment, see the Japanese film Audition. I screamed like a Harry dressed as a school girl being chased by a bio electric vampire baby.
Unimaginitive crap by VoxMillennium	May 4th, 2004 05:19:38 AM
I saw this flick earlier this year and yes, the twist is unbelievably lame and makes most of the movie non-sensical with countless plot-holes. There's zero suspsense, because it's just one horror cliche after the other, so every killing you see coming miles ahead. The first half hour when the whole family is butchered is quite intense and suspenseful. After that the movie goes completely down the drain, simply summing up the old tropes of the genre we've come to expect. And the guy talks about cinephiles this or that; well, being positive about this load of donkey droppings proves to me he's certainly no cinephile or he would have noticed there's not a single original frame in this whole movie, the acting sucks and the plot is of studentfilm quality.
Great movie, despite fucking terrible ending by Doc_McCoy	May 4th, 2004 09:38:19 PM
And I mean fucking terrible. So unnecessary, so absurd, and it makes absolutely no sense when you think back on the story. Personally, I would have been perfectly happy if the movie had ended with her killing the psycho (man is that guy creepy), and I wouldn't have left the theater with a bad taste in my mouth. Yet -- the movie is scary as hell up to that point, I would highly recommend it, even if you read these spoilers and knew how it was going to turn out.

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