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Neill Cumpston

Neil Cumpston rocks my world by jalora	Dec 9th, 2003 03:14:08 PM
Great review, man.
Horrible Review. by AlwaysThere	Dec 9th, 2003 03:14:35 PM
Why you ask? Because this dumb motherfucker decides to start bashing other movies to get his point across. Why must you be so insecure about Peter Jack$on'$ trilogy, that you have to bad mouth other movies in the process? Are they unable to stand on their own? Sure seems that way after reading all the crap this site has been running in that past few weeks.
fuck by raker	Dec 9th, 2003 03:15:33 PM
Giving the Finger > > > > Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating > > victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of > > all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would > > be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore be > > incapable of fighting in the future. > > > > This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and the > > act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or > > "pluck yew"). > > > > Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major > > upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at > > the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! "PLUCK > > YEW!" > > > > Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult > > consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a > > labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in > > conjunction with the one-finger-salute are mistakenly thought to > > have something to do with an intimate encounter. > > > > It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with > > the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird."
Best laugh I've had all week. by Cash Bailey	Dec 9th, 2003 03:16:23 PM
I love Neil's reviews. Next to the Foywonder, he's hands-down the most entertaining writer on this site.
God, Neil Cumdumpster is tired ... by Itchy	Dec 9th, 2003 03:17:06 PM
Let it go, already, Harry. For fuck's sake. If you spent 1 second reprogramming the talkback threading for every f-bomb Cumstain tosses in his played out review, we'd all be much the better for it.
"Elf shit that makes you think you're in a candle store." by mortsleam	Dec 9th, 2003 03:18:56 PM
Once more, for perhaps only the third time ever, someone has made me L.augh O.ut L.oud. Congrats, Cumpston, you masterful ball of fuck.
New RotK clip by Mostholy	Dec 9th, 2003 03:21:20 PM
I've been multiple posting this in the LotR threads, in case that bothers anyone. At any rate, enjoy -http://www.themoviebox.net/mo vies/2003/Lord-of-the-Rings_RO TK/trailer-page.html - Scroll to the bottom...more spoiler-ish than the nine minutes that are already floating around.
Huh? by framescape	Dec 9th, 2003 03:22:39 PM

Best review evah! by chrth	Dec 9th, 2003 03:22:45 PM
Although I'm still not sure what film he's talking about...8 Days to ROTK!
That review ... by DarkBastion	Dec 9th, 2003 03:25:15 PM
Was fucking hilarious.
"Only air comes out when I splooge now..) - Fucking Hilarious by Garko	Dec 9th, 2003 03:26:37 PM
Harry - You really need to put this guy on the payroll. Or give him more sugar. This was the funniest review I have read on this site ever. "TEAM 1970 FOOT-TO-ASSERS" will fucking rock in 2008! Shit, I smell People's Choice all over it!
Saved. by bc1970	Dec 9th, 2003 03:26:40 PM
again, copy this review, then playback thru SimpleText with a cool voice. funny stuff.
My God, how can one review be so obnoxious? by DarthSnoogans	Dec 9th, 2003 03:28:53 PM
I mean, you really have to work at it. Kinda like your typical community college. You have to make a concerted effort to fail.
Whoa by wolfman911	Dec 9th, 2003 03:31:11 PM
That is some seriously deranged musings. What do you think...Neil Cumdumpster=Ashton Kutcher? That is what I thought an Ashton review would be, but the more I think about it, all the references to the seventies makes me think that it could be Ashton's big brother. Or John Belushi's retarted love child.
The Passion and Neil by Fedeykin	Dec 9th, 2003 03:33:30 PM
Anyone else looking forward to his review?
Holy Crap by Spaz_Monkey	Dec 9th, 2003 03:34:21 PM
I fucking love this loon's reviews.
It's reviews like this... by Bongwater	Dec 9th, 2003 03:34:58 PM
...that make me miss Vern. :(
Can someone please explain to me... by Pontsing Barset	Dec 9th, 2003 03:36:46 PM
... ONE redeeming quality evident in this "review"? It's painful Harry. A spike on the on both the bad taste and banality meters simultaneously. This guy writes the way illiterates speak...
"Adventure Gentlemen" - LOL! - what a great put-down by mansep	Dec 9th, 2003 03:36:57 PM
that was the funniest review i've read here. more!!!
Holy Trilogy by BoogiePOP	Dec 9th, 2003 03:39:32 PM
Lord of the Rings is the new Holdy Trilogy and George Lucas is sucking Peter Jackson off as we speak. PJ should do Episode 3, then maybe it won't suck Ewok Ass.
hahah by stoptyler	Dec 9th, 2003 03:45:03 PM
best... review... ever.
Another one for the ages. by FluffyUnbound	Dec 9th, 2003 03:47:01 PM
Three words: President Chauncey Gardiner. Oh, and when I read "You will shit stuff you did not eat," I had to climb up on a cross in my living room like Peter O'Toole in The Ruling Class, hang my head on my chest, and laugh until blood came rushing down my face.
"you will shit stuff you did not eat when you see it" by WorstPoochieEver	Dec 9th, 2003 03:47:50 PM
Sometimes I like to laugh... This review made me laugh almost as much as the Superfriends stuff on seanbaby.com I can't can't can't can't can't can't wait for this movie, but will probably cry and cry when its over. My only hope is amnesia so I can discover these films again...
yawn by Rhoemer	Dec 9th, 2003 03:50:37 PM
PJ is God every other franchise sucks! PJ is god, every other franchise sucks! etc etc, ad eeeenfinitum, ad naaaaaauseum... BORING!!! Thank God this extremely tapered shits FINALLY coming to an end.
"We need new words for Holy Shit!" indeed by Big Bad Clone	Dec 9th, 2003 03:55:29 PM
After all that BNAT tag team coverage, it's great to read something so fucking trippy and hilarious. I want the audiobook version of this review.
i can't help but think... by Xorply	Dec 9th, 2003 04:01:59 PM
...that I will laugh out loud at some points during the movie as I remember Neil's words. Damn you all to hell! (and thanks for a great review!)
so very foul, but so very funnier by Orange Crush	Dec 9th, 2003 04:06:20 PM
The work day was stinking like an uncovered 2 week old mass grave, but Herr Cumpston's review had me giggling so hard, I could barely talk to Amigo Ted about how hard it was making him giggle. Yes, this was today's highlight. At least until Paris Hilton makes me pity rich people tonight. Said, ain't it?
Team 1970's F2A missing one thing ... by Trachten	Dec 9th, 2003 04:06:35 PM
... killdozer patrolling Thorne's compound along with the driverless trucks and devil limos.
that review... by Darth Sticky	Dec 9th, 2003 04:06:42 PM
...WAS SWEETER THAN A PORNY!! IT GOT ME HARDER THAN A WEEK-OLD BISCUIT!! BRAVO NEIL! BRA-FUCKING-VO!
Damn That was funny good shit... by JAGUART	Dec 9th, 2003 04:09:09 PM
Thank you. That was so funny I kept hoping that the last laugh wasn't the last. There were some killer lines in there. I like the "being in a candle store for twenty minutes" one. Funny shit man.
I'm never clicking on an AICN banner ever again in protest of th by Darth_Inedible	Dec 9th, 2003 04:14:48 PM
FOR SHAME MORI, FOR SHAME.
Didn't anyone notice.... by Dudley Smith	Dec 9th, 2003 04:21:25 PM
THE FUCKING HUGE SPOILER IN THAT REVIEW?!! Where was the spoiler warning? If I was one of those that hadn't read the book I would be royally pissed off right now.
Wow, why are there so many uptight people reading this site toda by wash	Dec 9th, 2003 04:21:38 PM
You guys all sound like Moriarty when someone says "Jumped the Shark". NC for prez.
And the winner of the lame award is... by tommync1	Dec 9th, 2003 04:22:52 PM
Damn, could this review have been dumber? A homophobe who's obsessed with cocks and guys' asses (is there really any other type of homophobe?) proving that he can say shit more than a very special episode of "South Park" is not very impressive in my book. Try learning how to speak before you write a review next time.
LAME, UNFUNNY REVIEW by BojTrek	Dec 9th, 2003 04:23:54 PM
I was actually looking for a human review... I can't read idiot!
Great review by DrunkDancingFool	Dec 9th, 2003 04:28:12 PM
Fantastic review. I love the spoiler-free Mount Doom bit. That was classic.
Best. Review. Ever. by TheSumOfGod	Dec 9th, 2003 04:28:43 PM
Seriously, this guy is a fuckin' genius. The 80's version of his team movie should have BOTH Han Solo AND Indiana Jones in it. Too bad Neil didn't review Kill Bill. Maybe he'll review Volume 2.
Spooging Air Biscuits and taking an Air Dump by goldboink	Dec 9th, 2003 04:32:41 PM
Neil...I bow at the altar of your idiosyncratic reviews. Fredo, Rudy and Golem! Tell it like it is BOY and a pox on everyone who hated it and took the effort to finish reading it and then mock in the TB. "Why do you have to make fun of others to get your point across, can't you play nice with all the other little kids?" I say Bugger Mr. Rogers if you don't get it and read the Grudge Report or something.
Seriously, did anyone actually read all/any of that? by Atticus Finch	Dec 9th, 2003 04:33:25 PM
I don't know why AICN insists on putting up reviews from this asshole. It makes them look more foolish than they already do.
dude... by thewoodpecker	Dec 9th, 2003 04:35:42 PM
that was Fucking Hilarious. Neil, PLEASE review The Passion. I'll burn in Hell for reading it unless I head to confession first.
Actually, Neill Cumpston is on to something here... by JAGUART	Dec 9th, 2003 04:39:08 PM
I'd like to see a claymation show a la Celebrity Deathmatch where iconic pop culture figures are paired together to duel with other notable villains of film and TV in "Take Over The World" plots. The camp combinations are staggering. As far as the review, I chose not to be disturbed by his pre-1969 references and post MTV psyche. I concentrated on the more enthusiastic aspects of the review.
Hilarious by Krinkle	Dec 9th, 2003 04:56:38 PM
This guy is so funny that there is simply NO WAY he is just another dipshit Gen-Y basement troll talk-backer. This is satire, folks. I'm guessing Cumpston's secret identity is either Moriarty (the obvious choice) or some other Hollywood writer-type. The jealousy the anti-Cumpstons feel ("THIS IS THE WORST REVIEW EVER", that sort of thing) about this guy getting quoted in a Peter Travers review shouldn't worry: My bet, based on the quality of this guy's writing, is that he's a long-since established writer or film journalist.
come on Pontsing Barset... by COFFINROCK	Dec 9th, 2003 05:07:02 PM
"one redeeming quality" ? That review was one of the funniest fucking things I've ever read. Great work Neil.
It's funny people. by Nice Marmot	Dec 9th, 2003 05:18:20 PM
It's scary to read all the negative criticism of this review. Find a sense of humor people. Did this fanboy loser site have that much integrity to lose in the first place? It's here for us to have fun, not raise your damn blood pressure.
Hollywood - Hire This Guy ! by LCD	Dec 9th, 2003 05:20:56 PM
Give the man a prize! Funniest review ever - EVER ! Hollywood, hire this lunatic and let him write a fantasy spoof!
best reason to be king,pussy for miles by Kungfumanchu	Dec 9th, 2003 05:24:11 PM
Funny,funny shit.There's 100 other reviews of this already on here,so all of you without a sense of humor go check 'em out & let the rest of us enjoy what little comedy gets on here these days.Everyone who cries every time the Star Wars & Matrix films get mentioned should realize that anytime you get anything so hyped up,especially 3 different sets within the same time period,there's gonna be comparisons.Doesn't matter if it's books,tv shows,movies,athletes,etc.,it' s gonna happen.Add the fact that 2 of the 3 are widely considered to have ended with a whimper or never got started,& of course people are gonna reference them if they think this one is different.Whether you agree or think it's right or wrong,that's life.
Awesome review by JacksonsBane	Dec 9th, 2003 05:26:40 PM
"Planet of Furry Faggoty Fuckheads" is how I will for ever refer to Endor. Genius.
I don't care if the comedy is so low brow it covers your entire by 007-11	Dec 9th, 2003 05:29:57 PM
Another great Cumpston review.
And so it is done. Now, I can officially attend ROTK by Lost Skeleton	Dec 9th, 2003 05:32:29 PM
knowing that the bas ass motherfucker Neil Cumpstain has blessed this film. Man, I missed you!
Neil is clever, Supernova is not by Sheik Yerbouti	Dec 9th, 2003 05:38:38 PM
Funny how Cumpston beats the blogg tools at their own game. This review is retecent of something from Jay (Bluntman and Chronic style) it reeks of an insane comic genius working out his style. You know Neil gave some good thought and sat a computer giggling to himself before he wrote that, much like Fishy Kotex does, or TheKop, or Fett, or ...well you get the point, however the difference is that Neil is a crack up. Thanks for always bringing his insanity Mori.
a great review... if you're two thirds retarded by atomheartbrother	Dec 9th, 2003 05:43:05 PM
good grief... who comes up with that crap?
H - I - L - A - R - I - O - U - S by immyjay2	Dec 9th, 2003 05:43:33 PM
Holy crap, I never EVER write to these forum thingies but that review was insanely freaking funny. Some great lines : "there
Fuuniest Review Ive by BigMattC	Dec 9th, 2003 05:51:40 PM

Fuuniest Review I've ever read!! by BigMattC	Dec 9th, 2003 05:53:30 PM
thanks for letting us get a good laugh. It is Appreciated. I look forward to the movie more than ever now.
Could Neil actually be Kevin Smith? by TheSumOfGod	Dec 9th, 2003 05:57:28 PM
It sure sounds like him.
Could Neil actually be Kevin Smith? by TheSumOfGod	Dec 9th, 2003 05:57:53 PM
It sure sounds like him.
What is it with you people? by 007-11	Dec 9th, 2003 05:59:07 PM
Why does everyone insist on preatending they're so above it all? This isn't a review for an Adam Sandler movie for God's sake. "This is like a serious version of JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO", and the best metaphor for ass kicking i've heard in a long time "ready to open a Wal-Mart that only sells ball stomp". Anyone who has one of those "can of whoopass" shirts can just go ahead and start washing their car with it. They weren't that great to begin with.
Possibly SumofGod by Sheik Yerbouti	Dec 9th, 2003 05:59:52 PM
Maybe this is how he works some issues outMy theory has always been that it is just Moriarty himself pulling an Andy Kaufman and enjoying the sheer lunacy of getting to play an insane alter ego online. Who knows?
As usual, the truth lies somewhere in between by Warin	Dec 9th, 2003 06:02:52 PM
Very funny review with a few great one-liners and lots of wasted profanity and scatology. Anyone who takes it seriously enough to be offended is missing the point, as is anyone who took it seriously enough to flame the people who were offended. Next TB....
I just hope RotK is half as good as this review is. by minderbinder	Dec 9th, 2003 06:06:52 PM
Because if it is, it's absolute fucking genius. Make sure this guy keeps writing reviews, this is probably the funniest review I've ever read.
That was funny as horses humping squirrels by Halloween68	Dec 9th, 2003 06:09:48 PM
...
Neill Cumpston by Darth Thoth	Dec 9th, 2003 06:14:28 PM
This dude is hillarious! Never stop writing reviews homie. Your stuff is the bug out.
thanks neill!!! by neckbone	Dec 9th, 2003 06:21:35 PM
"ready to open a Wal-Mart that only sells ball-stomp." - absolutely unreal!!!! darth_inedible, et. al. - sociology, philosophy, film/art appreciation 101 at the local CC don't make you high-brow, nor does AP english at st. uppity's high...get over yourselves.
Review was RIGHT on except for the MATRIX part by Rcamacho2278	Dec 9th, 2003 06:21:42 PM
cuz although matrix was not a movie everyone can like, it allowed you to make that decision for yourself. it never said it was gonna be the end all action film, it was what it was and showed you things you never saw before. The one that you ALL should be getting on is george lucas piece of shit adaption of episode 1 and 2 which absolutly suck SHIT. That movie makes its audience feel stupid, it doesn't respect it's fans, THATS the movie you should hate on.
Guys...chill out by Ribbons	Dec 9th, 2003 06:21:51 PM
No one thinks you're special because you're above his brand of humor. Either you read it or you don't, but please don't lecture us on how his "act is old" or he's "an idiot moviegoer." Ummm....that's the point! "But it's too late and here comes my extra large Sprite at the movie screen"...that's funny shit.
Of Course by Ribbons	Dec 9th, 2003 06:29:15 PM
Of course now comes the part when all these wounded animals say "no I will not stop saying these reviews are played out and you suck more than me! Man, do I have a big dick!" If he's ignorant for writing this review and we're ignorant for reading it, you're ignorant for failing to realize nobody gives a shit about your supercilious posts. If his reviews weren't something of an attraction none of you bottom-feeders would even be here. Yet you read his played out reviews every time they're posted and make smarmy comments about how much they suck every time they're posted. So maybe Neill and I are sad and played out...but so is the Comic Book Guy mentality.
Raker... by ErrantTwin	Dec 9th, 2003 06:35:31 PM
please tell me you're kidding with that ridiculous and tortured etymology for the word fuck. Go to yourdictionary.com or wordorigins.org to get the real story. For starters, the French wouldn't really need to worry about captured English soldiers firing longbows, would they? So why cut off the fingers? Surely even the French would know to disarm their captive enemies. Also, while Yew was preferred, it was in short supply and often replaced with Wych Elm, Elm and Ash... 'Pluck yew'? That's what you're going with?
I love Neill Cumpston and I want to have his babies by Yo Yo Man	Dec 9th, 2003 06:40:37 PM
The man is a genius.
raker by perryfarrell	Dec 9th, 2003 06:45:46 PM
nope, 'fuck' means 'fornication under consent of the king'. right about the middle finger part tho.
Neill, you're a God. by Nordling	Dec 9th, 2003 06:46:46 PM
A GOD! You're a Tenacious D video come to life. I mean, without being Jack Black or anything. Ehh... I don't know what I'm doing.
I have ADD...I can't stand LONG ASS reviews no matter how funny by super Cucaracha	Dec 9th, 2003 06:50:35 PM
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! get straight to the point, move on, jack off and rub your nipples to release the Red bull you drank with your cocaine. Attention whore
Ribbons is right by Sheik Yerbouti	Dec 9th, 2003 06:51:34 PM
and errant twin, I believe Raker was making a joke. I find it strange that there are so many who can not conceive what a sense of humour actually is. Too bad for you I guess.
dreamtime of the west by Danger Mouse	Dec 9th, 2003 07:09:53 PM
The only people who wouldn't love these films are the kind of souless scum that enjoy telling young children the Santa isn't real.
HAA! That's as good as the one for Two Towers written by Gollum by Flatus Maximus	Dec 9th, 2003 07:10:02 PM
I just hope (and suspect) there is more in Neill's cranium than this review suggests! Oh, as reviews go it's also in the same league as the one where the horny chick referred to Legolas as Bow Guy throughout (and hardly to anyone else!) Anyone feel safe breaking the news to Neill that Orlando is a guy? I sure hope Neill never comes to New Orleans for Carnival; he's gonna wake up next to somebody who never had ovaries if he does.
No, Cumpston doesn't sound like Kevin Smith by K\|LLDOZER	Dec 9th, 2003 07:23:10 PM
He sounds like the guy on The Mr. Show website that sends Patton Oswalt his screenplays - Erik Blevins - and his Slade Riptide "treatments." check it out... http://www.bobanddavid.com/sec tion_talent_blevins_slade_hell fire1.html
Some of these talkbackers are morons... by DinoGuy	Dec 9th, 2003 07:27:18 PM
I agree that some of the "offended" people here are morons. I once posted a review in which I bashed a movie. In my review I wrote the ending was so confusing even someone intelligent like me, with an IQ of 27, couldn't figure it out. And you wouldn't believe how many talkbackers criticized me for being cocky. Some people are just too stupid to understand satire, like another talkbacker mentioned.
fantastic review.... by MisterGrimloch	Dec 9th, 2003 07:29:54 PM
Neil Cumpston has got to be David Cross. hilarious review.
the LOTR children can't take it,... by MisterGrimloch	Dec 9th, 2003 07:37:40 PM
when a hilarious, and obviously appreciative review of this film comes along. no, LOTR fans (or "complete lifeless nerds") insist that a proper "respectful" review be written, since the films and books are such "genius". get over it, you pimple faced shut ins, this guy (hopefully David Cross) obviously loved the film and was writing a deliberately moronic review. if any of you had the brains to read between the lines, you could clearly tell that the review was written to acknowledge the value the writer thought existed in the film, while still maintaining an air of deliberate lunacy. like i've said all along, the LOTR fans are the worst. SW, Matrix, Trek fans got nothing on you guys. when it comes to being complete and utter opinionated nerds, the LOTR crowd wins hands down.
Geez that's some funny shit! by morGoth	Dec 9th, 2003 07:52:46 PM
I KNEW that was Rudy! Sam...heh! My ass! Now, let me read more and see if Neil/Neal/Kneel reviews Mel Gibbet's "The Passhiom."
GENIUS!!! Another Classic! by Mr. Waturi	Dec 9th, 2003 07:57:03 PM
I put it right under his review of "Matrix: You Will Shit!" He loses points for actually seeing the movie this time. "Even if you bring an iPod so you can listen to VH during the Elf parts..." " that dude at the Starbucks who
The amazing review! by Theeigthsamurai	Dec 9th, 2003 07:59:27 PM
First time posting here. I loved that review, made me laugh sooo much, and look forward to the film. The most entertaining thing ive read on this site in months (and the reason i decided to post for the first time ever lol)
TEAM 1970 by Fred	Dec 9th, 2003 08:02:21 PM
It needs Shaft, Buford Pusser, and Billy Jack armed with flame throwers parachuting from 40,000 ft into a screaming horde of man eating devil possessed Pet Rocks.
I think KILLDOZER is right, this sounds like Eric Blevins (whoev by Mr. Waturi	Dec 9th, 2003 08:16:41 PM
Check out the link for yourself: http://www.bobanddavid.com/sec tion_talent_blevins_slade_hell fire1.html Someone needs to hire this guy. Matter of fact, "The Simpsons" could use someone funny. The last couple of seasons have been pretty flat.
Cmon that review is hilarious! by Jon E Cin	Dec 9th, 2003 09:02:15 PM
"A movie so tits that makes the other two look gay" Now I gotta see it!
The Other Movies by TheMovieLover	Dec 9th, 2003 09:33:17 PM
I don;t know about you guys, But I wanna fucking see the movies from the other decades! How about this: 80's- Batman, Axel Foley, The Ghostbusters, and John Rambo all team up to fight this Neo-Nazi regime, and just when they're about to get their asses kicked, Maverick shows up with Indiana Jones in his Time-travel Jet with Marty McFly and Doc Brown to take them back to the fourties and stop the Nazi's from ever coming to power! 90's- Good Terminator, Vince and Jules, Sam Gerard, The Ninja Turtles, Will Hunting, Curly, and Hannibal Lecter all team up against fucking cloned Dinosaurs created by that motherfucher Bob Sugar who has teamed up with The Blair Witch and those three fucking ghosts from Casper, only to meet the mutated Ninja Turtles and wail ass on everything? Sound good? I know im missing a bunch of icons, but so was Neill.
The Best Review Ever! by spiderinside	Dec 9th, 2003 09:38:55 PM
Neil is my hero! This is his best review yet. I was laughing so hard I started crying. Keep 'em coming!
LOLOLOLOL 8-D by pax256	Dec 9th, 2003 09:55:01 PM
man this guys gives Billy 'Wicked' Wilson of voodooexteme.com fame a run for his money... Hilarious.
Play D'oh, your satire is almost as funny as Neil's! by FluffyUnbound	Dec 9th, 2003 09:55:39 PM
Unless you're serious, in which case you have to realize that no one cares about your feelings. Actually, the thing that is so liberating about humor is that it utterly lacks compassion.
Play D'oh, calm down... by Yo Yo Man	Dec 9th, 2003 09:56:02 PM
I've seen one of my best friends go through that gay-bashing shit, I know it isn't funny. But that review isn't a rant against homosexuality. I seriously doubt that the esteemed Mr Cumpston goes home and sticks pins in voodoo dolls of gay people. He's quite obviously writing the review in character, and the character is a lunatic adrenaline-junkie, Sprite-drinking, tits-obsessed, walking penis with the attention span of a hyperactive mayfly. The homophobia, sexism, and complete disdain for anything that doesn't give him perpetually renewed orgasmic pleasure is just an act through which to communicate his love for a film. And the word "gay" doesn't just mean "homosexual" - it's become just another word for "crap", and that usage is how I read most of his review. I've even heard gay people use the word in that context - every gay person I've met seems to have a sense of humour about it. I love reading, but I know Neill wasn't attacking me when he said that books suck. He wrote it, it doesn't mean he believes it, it doesn't mean anyone else believes it because he said so, and it doesn't mean it's true. It's just something funny on the internet. The mad bastard made me belly-laugh several times, and I think he's an ingenious and extraordinarily funny writer. But I was never once convinced that the Neill Cumpston I might pass on the street is the same guy who wrote the review, I never once felt offended for anyone I know who is female/gay/a Star Wars fan, and I don't see any neo-Nazi homophobe groups getting any new members tomorrow because of him. It's just a bit of fun, dammit!
I can personally guarantee you that I will never look back on th by FluffyUnbound	Dec 9th, 2003 10:23:33 PM
I may regret not learning to play the piano. I may regret not spending more time in the mountains. I may regret not taking better care of my health. But I won't regret not redesigning my life to placate your damn feelings. Believe me. There is entirely too much of that going around, and I am happy to not contribute to it. If a thing is funny, it is funny. I will not edit my response to it. I don't particularly care what you think of me. Why do you care what I think of you?
aicn expects this review to be taken seriously? by tomato	Dec 9th, 2003 10:25:56 PM
------------------------------ -- from the sidebar: "...Blatant abuse, personal attacks, OFF-TOPIC BS, cross-posting, blatant advertising, and hate speech are all fodder for deletion..." ------------------------------ -- so, content inappropriate for talk-back are perfect for posted reviews? don't willfully misunderstand me. the review wasn't offensive, just... pathetic.
Chizzled Hard by lakerfan32	Dec 9th, 2003 10:29:45 PM
www.chizzledhard.com
jesus christ people by luckylindy	Dec 9th, 2003 10:31:51 PM
for all you people who think you are smarter for bashing this review...grow a fucking funny bone. some people enjoy the low-browness of this. so fuck you nay-sayers...fuck you up your stupid asses
Wal-Mart that only sells ball stomp by purplemonkeydw	Dec 9th, 2003 10:46:08 PM

You know what else is gay ? by error ID	Dec 9th, 2003 10:50:44 PM
The Two Towers and most likely Neill Cumpston.
Absolutely the best, funniest review I've seen yet by Moonwatcher	Dec 9th, 2003 11:15:41 PM
You rule, guy. Ever think of writing for The Onion? And that movie plot - sounds better than half of what Hollyweird has been turning out in the last 10 years.
Heehee by TuxedoJunction	Dec 9th, 2003 11:33:01 PM
The gay guy just said "on the receiving end."
raker - thats a load of crap. by devanjedi	Dec 9th, 2003 11:41:19 PM
The word 'fuck' has a similar wording in Dutch, Swedish and German.. and maybe other languages too! So your Battle of Agincourt story is a load of pluck yew.
Nihil's meta-review by Warin	Dec 9th, 2003 11:45:38 PM
Awesome stuff, sir! I believe it was also Oscar Wilde who said, "this review is like a stream of bat's piss..." (I trust you can all finish that one on your own.)
hundred years war insults by Danger Mouse	Dec 9th, 2003 11:56:13 PM
Actualy it's only the forks (2 fingers up) that comes from the archers of the Hundred years wars. The rest of the story is made up but sounds good so people repeat it as fact. I don't know if you give forks in USA (they do in UK OZ NZ etc.). It's the reverse of the peace sign. In some middle eastern countries they do the same gesture with the thumb wraped around the finger which is how they shoot bow (horse archer style)there.
Time by Danger Mouse	Dec 10th, 2003 12:06:24 AM
Come on then Harry where is your ROTK review!!!
Weighing in on the homophobia issue by Daddylonghead	Dec 10th, 2003 12:52:33 AM
Listen, I'm a fag myself, and if you can't step back from your tender sensibilites long enough to appreciate how fucking hilarious this review is, it's your loss! Just for the record, let me offer a quote from the Roman poet and satirist Juvenal (no, not the Cash Money rapper), born, oh, one thousand, nine hundred and forty-some years ago... just you wilting lilies can see there's "nothing new under the sun" (to quote another wise ancient): ....."Northward beyond the Laps to the frozen Polar ice-cap is where I long to escape when I hear high moral discourse from raging queens who affect ancestral peasant virtues. An ignorant crowd, too, despite those plaster busts of Stoic philosophers on display in their houses: intellectual perfection in their case means hanging up some original portrait--Aristotle, or one of the Seven Sages. Appearances are deceptive: every back street abounds with solemn faced humbuggers. You're castigating vice, you, the most notable dyke among all our Socratic fairies?" So see, Neil Cumpston is actually part of a tradition of bawdy, nasty, sexually insensitive humor going back thousands of years.
Neill - YOU DA MAN!!!! by sithkhan	Dec 10th, 2003 01:24:15 AM
God, I TRULY PISSED myself while laughing uncontrolably at this review. This guy should have a website or a comedy album. God, it's the new ways of saying the same old cliches that makes your work so BRILLIANT Neill. If I were gay, I'd kiss you. But I'm not. So, no kisses for you. From me at least. PLEASE REVIEW ANOTHER FILM!
Oh my stars and garters... SOMEbody has a small penis! by Holly_Wight	Dec 10th, 2003 01:24:35 AM
Wow. I don't normally get upset over the use of "gay" as a negative in certain types of speech, being a card-carrying liberal lesbian as well as a pretty skilled satirist myself, but when one keeps going back to the same well several times, the only conclusion I can draw is that they are VERY thirsty, indeed! It's a joke the first time you use it. It's tedium the second time. It's obnoxious the third time, and it's offensive after that. Not merely because it offends my sensibilities as a girl fag, but because it's just such incalculably LOW humor. It's like something off of "The Family Guy." but without all the subtlety of their rapid-fire shit and fart jokes and tired pop culture references. This isn't a funny "review" at all. It's low fratboy humor, and by "low" I mean "ain't it funny to gang rape a cheerleader" kind of low. I mean "let's tie a fag to a fencepost and leave him there" low. It's only funny to people who derrive enjoyment out of other people's suffering. There's a difference between the uses of "gay" and "homo" in Kevin Smith movies, and the usage here. Even if this is "in character" it goes way over the line of good taste, tact, or even wit. I know wit, and this is not wit. This is crass humor that would probably even make Don Rickles want to disavow any kinship to the author. I can tell a good fag joke with the best of `em (If you want a good gay joke, just go into a gay bar, darlings. Half of them will tell you one, and the other half ARE one!) but there's a difference between a good joke and a cheap pop, and this little essay was full of cheap pops. He might as well have started with "can I get a round of applause from all the mooks in the room?" and ended with a sampling of the best of Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be A Redneck..."
Play D'oh, please read... by Mr. Waturi	Dec 10th, 2003 01:25:58 AM
I hate to break the news to you, but the word "gay" doesn't just mean homosexual. For a while it did, and nobody used it except when speaking of homosexuals. But now that homosexuals are much more public and accepted, it's taken on more of a cartoonish suggestion of being "non-masculine," "soft," "dainty," or in Neill's case anything that is not ultra-violent or even has a hint of depth or sensitivity (which is what makes it so totally absurd and, to many of us, funny). There is such a thing called context. Also, I suppose I should include the normal disclaimer that I am not homophobic, I work out at a gym with many homosexuals, have gay friends, etc. Just because you take offense to a term, doesn't mean that it was meant to offend you. It might just mean that you are overly sensitive. Please lighten up. The whole world is not against you. Hope this helps.
What's the big deal? by kai028	Dec 10th, 2003 01:37:09 AM
I'm gay, I'm reasonably smart, I have a probably underdeveloped sense of humor, but I thought this review was hilarious! I loved it. I laughed out loud. This isn't gay-bashing. It IS funny!
It's funny how the bigots ALWAYS say "don't get me wrong, I have by Holly_Wight	Dec 10th, 2003 01:41:20 AM
Seriously, if I had a nickel for every time some racist, sexist, or bigoted person referred to me as their "friend" to justify their use of hate speech, I'd be able to buy a night buried in Madonna's snatch. Don't tell me how you have all these "gay friends"... Instead, why don't you just go up to one of your gay "friends" and say "Hey! Howya doin' fag? Don't any of you gaymos look at my package, now! Ha ha ha! Ain't it grand that we're friends and I can insult you without feeling guilty about it?" I will restate my point: This review was low frat-boy humor written by someone who finds constant references to bodily functions hilarious. Anybody who laughed at this shit is obviously not done cooking yet, and needs to pop back into the oven to mature a bit more.
ROTK by moviemaniac-7	Dec 10th, 2003 02:01:18 AM
Can't wait to see ROTK. By the way, Dutch TV reported that The Hobbit is scheduled for shooting early 2006 and release later that year. App. PJ has signed, but I don't beleave that. Can't wait to see that 1970's flick. Maybe something for QT to direct.
Thick Headed Hate by Icomiclast	Dec 10th, 2003 02:11:15 AM
I'll grant you this: it WAS a funny review. The man has a knack for scatology, the humor beloved by all True Men on this planet. I would laugh my ass off in a bar at this guy's rant, and feel only vaguely ashamed that I didn't object to the hate speech because I don't want to look like a whining wiener in front of the guys. This was not ome spontanious bar rap, though. This was written and plotted and presented with pride in print, and I have no choice but to respond. Look at what I'm forced to accept between laughs. Have you ever objected to racist jokes told to you by some beetle-browed hate monger who feels safe to share his ignorance with you simply because you are both caucasian? I HATE that. The man who does that forces me to either laugh along with putrid noncognisant crap or turn into a crusader for truth to some clown who stopped thinking long ago. This used to happen to me all the time, but finally FINALLY most people I know get it that racism is ignorance of the profoundest and highest order. I submit that homophobia falls into the same catagory. The casual tossing off of anti-gay "witticisms" is pervasive in male circles, and destructive to the humanity in us all. This forum is too short to write a treatise on the topic, but to dismiss the truism that words have power, and hate speech has negative consequences, is simply to revel and wallow in crassness. This, unfortunately, is half the fun of this forum. Enjoy your crassness, guys. Poop to your heart's content, but don't do it at the expense of an entire group of homo sapiens that you happen not to belong to. That is thick headed hate.
terrible review by jimmy_009	Dec 10th, 2003 02:17:55 AM
Why would you even post this review here. this guy obviously thinks he's funny, too bad no one else does.
Needs more work.. by Ernie_is_evil	Dec 10th, 2003 02:45:09 AM
becuase as a spoof on the geeks this wasn't all that great. This site really is in a funk atm..
Retards by Chaka	Dec 10th, 2003 02:51:31 AM
Why bother with the "I read part of this review and hated it" BS? How about this: If you're one of those, "This site sucks. Harry is a sellout" mother fuckers, then go ELSEWHERE. I have no fucking clue why you retards keep coming back for the sake of complaining.
Best line ever: by PumpyMcAss	Dec 10th, 2003 03:05:13 AM
"Then he had to make two more to feed the Suck Demon that was holding his children hostage, and those movies went beyond gay to where they
Sorry by Sepulchrave	Dec 10th, 2003 03:19:37 AM
Nasty stupid review and only funny to the drunk. Over the last three years, these films have exuded a ceratin Christmas magic for me and I love the little details (candles, shields and all that) This review is like looking at a photo of Santa Claus molesting a four-year old. And Gay still means homosexual, do you think that it's OK that gay designates SHIT or WORTHLESS of INADEQUATE. Fuck you, I bet you have a fat soft ass like a girl, spreading all over your rec-room swivel chair.
devanjedi by DocPazuzu	Dec 10th, 2003 03:50:36 AM
Actually, there is no word for "fuck" in Swedish that sounds remotely like it. Quick survey on the TB: how many of those who hated Neill's review are NOT Americans? Very few, I'd wager. Before you get on your high horses, let me just say that I'm an American myself. I'm just trying to illustrate something. For what it's worth, I thought it was hilarious. Satire -- no matter how crude, is still satire.
The Lord of the Ignorant Rant by LordofLaughter	Dec 10th, 2003 03:52:32 AM
Quickly, let me point out that I DID think the review was funny. I did laugh . . . but it was despite myself. As a whole, I kept thinking . . . "is this guy for real? Did he just graduate from the third grade?!" I'm Canadian, and I KNOW that if you listen to Jim Carrey and Mike Myers, you'd get the impression that we ALL love potty humour up in the Great White North (note the spelling of "humour" . . . the Canadian way!) . . . but the fact is that potty humour is for low brow folks, and I would hope to GOD that most of you are a bit higher on the totem pole of good taste then that! Secondly, I've been reading tons of replies about homophobia and the disgusting nature of his comments. Well . . . all though I did find his comments homophobic, my distaste was increased by his mysogeny. TONS of women like Lord of the Rings. And TONS of women are SMARTER THEN YOU!! And they like movies just as much, if not more then you . . . and I'M a MAN saying this! I mean . . . come ON! What are you thinking? You are posting on a public message board . . . a public website . . . why would you propigate such malice and malcontent? Do you have vagina envy? I think you wish you were a woman so that you could suck on male genitalia without a guily conscience. No, what REALLY pissed me off about this post was the total disregard of anything created past 1969. I mean, what kind of ignorant garbage is that? How can this site endorse a view like that? It is just plain WRONG! LXG was a terrible movie, not because the characters are old . . . but because the FILM was bad. YES, your PRECIOUS "FILM AS GOD OF ALL ART" . . . THAT was the problem. Not the characters. Do you even know how COOL Dorian Grey is? Have you ever read Oscar Wilde's book about him? Have you ever READ Dracula? 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? If you haven't, you should make time . . . because you'll probably have to get "Hooked on Phonics" first to improve your reading level. I can see that you LOVE the action. You can't stand the dialogue parts of the film because you don't like philosophy. It is probably to hard a word for you to spell. Poo is easier . . . only two letters. Here is the deal buddy: Action and War is not what this film is about. You may "love this film" but you don't understand it. In FACT you DISRESPECT it by joking about the characters and their names and the HEART OF THE STORY!! Oh . . . and Led Zep's "Ramble On" "Gollum" is based on the books, as is a good portion of "Stairway to Heaven" and "The Battle of Evermore" . . . oh and "Misty Mountain Hop" . . . I think even "Going to California" on that album as an allusion to Lord of the Rings. This film is about the struggle of a man to fulfill his potential, about a woman who wants to be brave and have valor while she has youth and breath in her body, about two men of different races forming a bond and an example of friendship dispite past differences . . . and about the power of friendship in hard times. It is not about kick ass battle scenes. It is about people. If you don't like films about people, I can understand why you wouldn't like reading either . . . . because books are ALL about people and IDEAS. And ideas are something your are apparently afraid of . . . so you write cliche after cliche hoping that they will pass as good writing. Sorry to inform you . . . but you are wrong . . . and I hope to GOD that the reviewers of tomorrow (and at 25 years old, hopefully I AM one of them) will be more literate and educated then you. Go read some history . . . then tell me that the past doesn't matter . . . and you better do that before you support another president who wants to start World War III. (Which these movies are AGAINST . . .)
What's wrong with you people? by DocPazuzu	Dec 10th, 2003 04:13:26 AM
Why is it so hard for some of you to understand that this review is "in character", the same way Libby Gelman-Waxner's reviews are, and the Filthy Critic's, as well as the ones of Eagle Te, Zod and the rest of the freaks over at Night of the Creeps? Getting your undies in a wad over his crudeness and language is totally missing the point -- not to mention making you look like prats. Go to theonion.com and read the opinion columns. Maybe you'll learn something.
"Too bad no one else does" by PacinoHatersGoHo	Dec 10th, 2003 04:42:26 AM
I hate comments like that, something along the lines of "The reviewer might think that he was being funny but too bad no one else does..." You presumptious fuck shut your mouth and try to speak for everyone!!! I thought the review was hilarious, and lots of others did!!!!
Neil Cumpstain and the Passion of The Christ review by Sgt. Black	Dec 10th, 2003 05:04:49 AM
be afraid... be very afraid.
Neill Cumpston... be my valentine! by AliceInWonderlnd	Dec 10th, 2003 05:23:22 AM
I was going to go off on a rant about how this is a review delivered in character, but DocPazuzu beat me to it. It's a fantastic character - like listening to Jay and Silent Bob review movies. It's meant to be satirical. The satire is of a ADD-addled pop-culture moron and the profanity and homophobia is part of the character... shit. Forget it. It's not up to me to tell you what your sense of humour should be about. I just want to say that it's fucking hilarious and that the guy's a comedy genius. That's all.
WTF? by aricbcool	Dec 10th, 2003 06:08:09 AM
I can't believe some people take this guy seriously. The funniest part of this talk-back was the poster who wrote an entire thesis on why they thought Moriarty was gay, not realizing that it was Neil who wrote the "gay bashing" review. What I like so much about Neil (as a character) is what he represents. To me he's every kid who hates to read b/c it's not cool. He embodies the shallow, uneducated, pop-culture bred mallrat who only goes to the movies to experience the cheap thrills they offer. Not that ROTK is just cheap thrills but I can think of several teenage cousins of mine that will see that film and only take with them the coolness of the action scenes and none of the important stuff. What makes Neil so funny is how unbelievable he is. It's like the guy took all the quirks and immaturities of every teenager in the US and rolled it up into one Over-the-Top sychophant. Hat's off to the creator of Neil. And to everyone who was offended by his review, grow up. Everyone has a right to say whatever they want. It's called free speech. And whether it's parody or not it's really up to how you want to take it, but to bitch and whine and insist that this guy not be allowd to post his review is hypocritical and oppressive. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. And yes, everyone has a right to bash another person's opinion. And as far as hate speech goes, I didn't see any of you homosexuals (for lack of a standard PC term) insisting that some of our fellow posters be banned for all the anti-Christian "hate speech" that's been on talk-backs recently. As I understand, freedom of religion is just as much a protected right as sexual orientation, is it not? Over the last few days, I've read about how Christians massacred the world and how Christians are stupid and how Christians are , but did anyone call on the "jerkwad" AICN guidelines and how they should be enforced? Um... no. So it would seem that it's ok to bash people for being Christian or (as in the case above) heterosexual, or white (see various movies such as Shanghai Noon:"at least he's not a white guy"), but if you go anywhere near minorities, gays, non-Christian based religous groups, you are auto-branded a racist, or a bigot, or ignorant or . It all goes back to Free Speech. Everyone has a right to voice their opinion. If you don't like it, don't read it, or better yet, talk back! But don't go carrying the PC torch trying to silence people with opinions different from yours. That "Aint Cool."
To Holly Wight... by Yo Yo Man	Dec 10th, 2003 06:14:02 AM
Yes, it is curious how us "bigots" always seem to have black/gay/female friends, isn't it? Makes me wonder if it's actually true, and we're not bigots after all, just folks with a certain second-hand kind of perspective on things, which isn't as good as first-hand, but close. For the record, Holly, my best friend is a lesbian and something of a satirist herself. I'm not using a vague acquaintance to try and make my opinion sound more informed - she really is my best friend. She's also comfortable enough with her sexuality not to take it too seriously, just like I don't take being straight too seriously. I don't make fun of gay people. I'm sorry to say I used to, but I don't anymore. It's stupid. I know what it's like to hear people gay-bashing and have that moment where I think "Am I going to laugh at this? Am I going to say, wait a second, that's offensive? Is it worth the effort this time?" But the review was fucking hilarious, and I didn't take a single word of it as gay-bashing. Okay, when I read the first few lines I thought "Hmm, he's got issues," but after being tedious, and obnoxious, and offensive, like you say, any power the word "gay" may have had is obliterated simply because Mr Cumpston uses it so often. I realised pretty quickly that he was taking the piss. He wasn't making fun of gays because "it's funny to upset fags," he's making fun of gays because there's something intrinsically comedic (and tragic) about the ignorant arseholes who do so. That was the character in which he wrote this review. He was inviting people to laugh at him and his opinions as well as lines like "a Wall-Mart that only sells ball-stomp". And might I point out, nobody on this talkback seemed to care either way - I'm sure most of them got the joke - until someone took offence, and since then, every posting on the subject that's worth reading seems to have a balanced opinion. There are no dangerous ranting homophobes here. A predictably high percentage of us are geeks, and that's a minority, and believe me, we're used to being made fun of. But you'll still find us taking our geekdom with a pinch of salt. Please don't take offence, Holly. There was none intended.
LOUD MOVIES by MaulRat	Dec 10th, 2003 06:48:51 AM
Loud movies kick ass... so do bright shiny things.... so pretty... I spent three fucking hours watching The Two Towers in the theatre listening to some fat assed bloated from cake retention whore and his woman complaining to one another that 'snort this theatre is too loud, its making my skull crack.. I'm bleeding all in my retainer'.. here's a tip you're going to see ANY Action/Adventure movie of any kind.. Its loud for a reason.. either embrace the decibels or go see fucking 'Honey'... lets turn that fucking amp up to 11 and weed out the people not in it for the ride.... oh and PS. FUCK is I think derived from the Swedish "Fokka" meaning compulate.. not 100% on that one though.. hey does that mean that the sequel to meet the parents will be called meet the swedish fucks? BAMF
MaulRat by DocPazuzu	Dec 10th, 2003 06:59:51 AM
The word "fokka" doesn't exist in Swedish. "Focka" does, however it means to fire someone, not copulate.
There used to be REVIEWS at AICN by Ungwendil	Dec 10th, 2003 07:05:35 AM
In the course of two years the entire website has become a contest for the "foulest, cheapest, most juvenile, how-many-times-can-I-use-swear words- review"- award. Where are the intelligent, heartfelt reviews that I used to come to this website for? Moriarty, no: this review here did not suck, because this wasn't a review. This was the soapbox of a man who thinks he's cocky and funny, but who's really utterly unaware of what a movie is, and really doesn't understand the basics of humour anyway. I am really curious what you found in all this. I think it's just lack of understanding hidden under much shouting and showing off.
Best REVIEW ever! by Dhigger	Dec 10th, 2003 07:23:22 AM
Yeah I know we mainly just get a what-happened report...but that is the funniest review I have ever read on AICN (and I have been reading since before the BROWN..you know when Harry used AT LEAST three exclaimation marks for each post) Loved it! One to savour
C'mon... lighten up by otteaux	Dec 10th, 2003 07:23:46 AM
I thought the review was funny, personally - but I can understand why some people didn't enjoy it. So I'd like to make the following proposal for those people who were offended: Don't read reviews from this guy any more. That way, you won't be offended, but those of us who AREN'T offended can get a few laughs. There... that settles it. Your welcome.
Oh please... by judderman	Dec 10th, 2003 07:30:07 AM
This guy makes homophobic comments in a ceaseless stream, and then called Orlando Bloom, "That chick with the bow and arrows." This guy refers to a man as an attractive girl. Hence he is being IRONIC.
Yes, by all means. Don't laugh at gay people. by FluffyUnbound	Dec 10th, 2003 07:42:56 AM
And don't laugh at midgets, and don't laugh at fat people, and don't laugh at priggish people, and don't laugh at people's religious beliefs, and don't laugh when the safe falls on the coyote's head, don't laugh when someone says that the skinny kid has a small penis, and don't laugh when Scott Baio uses his "zapped" powers to rip the blouse off a coed with his mind. Humor should be positive and life-affirming. It should be little puns one exchanges with one's neighbor while playing cooperative volleyball. // Fuck that shit. It is plain to me that you people have no idea what humor actually IS. I will reiterate that the entire POINT of humor is that it releases you from the convention of decorum. The primary focus of decorum in our age is a relentless obsession with not giving offense. The only way to violate that convention, and to create humor, is therefore to GIVE offense, in one way or the other. No, I would not walk up to a gay man and say, "Hey, faggie fag!" But I also wouldn't drop a safe on his head. I wouldn't walk up to a straight man dressed in fatigues, jab a pipe through his chest and then into a furnace, and then say, "Hey, let off some steam!" The experience of finding something funny is pleasant precisely because it releases one [momentarily] from the stress of needing to concentrate on showing one's fellows excessive consideration. So play out your thymos games on some other subject.
I have nothing tosay. by rev_skarekroe	Dec 10th, 2003 07:43:59 AM
But I'm saying it anyway. Bye! sk
BABY MAKE POOPIES? by BwimBwim	Dec 10th, 2003 08:03:34 AM

laughs That's good stuff. by burningbabyfish	Dec 10th, 2003 08:11:51 AM
Scintillating prose? Impeccably penned review that would make Roger Ebert cry in envy? Nah. Funny shit, though. I liked the Team 1970s Foot-to-Assers. I'd watch stuff like that :) Nicely done, Neil...and I'm thinking Cumpston=Moriarty undercover.
Superb review! by venusXL	Dec 10th, 2003 08:20:19 AM
Thats the funniest thing I have read in years - almost crying tears in my office, trying to hold it together as everyones looking at me and I should be working....
Such a Waste by cabsau	Dec 10th, 2003 08:22:07 AM
That I give this thing power by typing these words defeats me. That this is review is funny is like saying Brittney Spears is a talented singer and performer. How have we come to using the most basic human-animal elements of sexuality, vulgarity and stupidity to stage as if it were some brilliantly conceived artistic expression. With that every monkey in a tree is an artist since like so many here all they want is to eat, fuck and toss shit about as a statement. Oh look, I was just then funny.
That was damn funny stuff. by qualopec	Dec 10th, 2003 08:30:13 AM
Nicely done. Let's have the 80s and 90s ass-kicker movies, please.
Seriously... by Pontsing Barset	Dec 10th, 2003 08:35:10 AM
... you guys REALLY think this review is "funny"? To paraphrase the inimitable Dr. Ong: "I could have produced this absolute shite piece whilst passed out upon the toilet seat"...
"Fredo", not "Frodo" by Spikes Brain	Dec 10th, 2003 08:44:23 AM
I laughed, then I hated myself, then I laughed some more. I feel so funky...
This is not hate speech, it is satire, and the target is not hom by Mahasamatman	Dec 10th, 2003 08:45:34 AM
Maybe I'm giving this guy too much credit, but to me, he's attacking the people who make this kind of hate speech a common, every day part of their discourse--in other words, many of the people who read and post here at AICN. He's doing this by exagerrating the kind of casual use and acceptance of homophobic speech (as a substitute for vigorous, intellegent description) to such an extent that we HAVE no choice but to notice it. Now, some may laugh at the outrageousness, and miss the point. That's cool. One of the nice things about satire is that the satirist gets to laugh at the people who sit there laughing at his satire, and many of those people never realize they are, in fact, the target of that satire. Other folks may laugh and recognize what the author is doing. And still others will insist on taking the writer seriously, and miss the point entirely, which is that the writer is actually kind of working on their behalf. Just a thought.
this guy really understands by aeolus	Dec 10th, 2003 08:56:22 AM
In my humble opinion, this guy really gets it. By totally bastardizing the names, people and places in the movie, ridiculizing it, he has taken away the aura of hype that surrounds the movie while, at the same time, making us readers want to see it even more. What is even more cool is that I believe he did this intentionally. Congrats to the reviewer, he will go far!
What's with the "nobody wants to read this" and "nobody thinks t by minderbinder	Dec 10th, 2003 09:14:30 AM
If you don't want to read it, don't read it.
reality seeps in by irritable	Dec 10th, 2003 09:18:17 AM
For anyone who thought this was a serious review, you urgently need to watch about 2,000,000 hours of say, the Simpsons, to reacquaint yourself with irony. For anyone who thought the humor in the review was too low, barbarous, stupid or dirty, feel free to exercise your democratic right to not read silly humorous writing. For anyone else who thought this review was highly original and funny - consider this: it was a satirical parody. Of posts in these talkbacks. Maybe yours. Satirical - doesn't that mean, like. mocking and dissing people? Parody, isn't that a amusingly cruel copy? Sorry, yes! Neil is laughing at some of the people who post here, and he's imitating their infantile posts, Actually, it's not all that hard to spot his targets.
LOL by Masher(KG)	Dec 10th, 2003 09:45:19 AM
I was in my office trying to stifle raucous laughter. That was pretty damn hilarious. Some people are way to serious.
RE: This is the only review you really care about. by Harry KnowLESS	Dec 10th, 2003 09:58:05 AM
Who the frak is this guy to begin with? The only thing I know about him is the fact AICN posts his "reviews" and Fat Harry and his crew love it. Sure, he is unique in the fact that he draws intresting ways to make his point, but if he had a point then I would care about his reviews. Take the "shock" out of his posts and there isn't anything left. I'm so happy not to be a BNAT or wherever the frak Neillll is so busy doing whatever the frak he's doing.
The BEST by atomicdumbass	Dec 10th, 2003 09:59:06 AM
This is the funniest thing on the web in YEARS. "...because even in real life giant spiders are bad news."
RE: This is the only review you really care about. Redeux by Harry KnowLESS	Dec 10th, 2003 10:00:31 AM
I don't care if he gay bashes or not. I'm not posting to tell AICN to stop posting his reviews (I'd rather see them than the Studio Plant "reviews" that they keep posting) I just don't get why anyone would laugh as hard as they are claiming too. Or the fact that anyone really cares about the review?
RE: This is the only review you really care about. Part Trois by Harry KnowLESS	Dec 10th, 2003 10:09:44 AM
Oh and this movie doesn't count in the "3rd Movie Rule" because the Trilogy was told 50 years ago and it was written as one huge story......................... .............................. ............................ There is not really a "3rd story" That's why the other films you mention suck so much.......................... .............................. .............. They make a good film. They set out to make more after that and maybe make another good film. For the "Matrix" and "Back to the Future" they made 1 huge film to follow the good film that didn't need a sequel because the story was finished. After "The Fellowship of the Ring" People left the theater mad because the story wasn't finished (they are stupid not to know there were 3 movies, even if they had no idea about the Books that were out for 5 decades!!!) And after thinking about it, Your review is better than the other crap reviews posted on this site (The ones written by the people who work on the site, boy do they love to hear(read) them selves talk!!!)
Moriarty and Neill are friends. Awww, that's sweet. by MiserableRainGod	Dec 10th, 2003 10:14:39 AM
I glanced through this review, but didn't read it closely because it looked chock full of unmarked spoilers. I usually don't like Neill's reviews anyway. I like his type of humor, but not when I'm trying to read a decent review of a movie. Anyway, it always cracks me up how Moriarty has to proclaim their friendship. "Call me later, buddy!" "He's so busy, here's his schedule!" Harry and Mori don't post any others reviews with that kind of shit. Seems like Mori really, really wants us to know he's friens with Neill. But do any of us care?
Joe vs the Volcano by MiserableRainGod	Dec 10th, 2003 10:21:04 AM
Neill, I don't like your review style too much, but I gotta thank you for the Volcano reference. And that whole story about the guy with the chick who left, but he stayed to "make out with this movie" instead....that shit was gold.
Blah-ba-Blah-Blah-Blah by JAGUART	Dec 10th, 2003 10:33:32 AM
Its all the same crap. Say what you want, but the end of the game involves swallowing some other guy's paste. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
RE: Jesus is Crucified. by Harry KnowLESS	Dec 10th, 2003 10:34:33 AM
He dies in Mel Gibson's new film! FRAK! Now I'm not gonna watch it. Thanks for spoiling that one. Just don't tell me what happened to Anakin Skywalker. He's lost his hand and now had a C3P0 from EP1 hand. Guess he becomes a robot...
Ok, the review was half-assed, trying-really-hard-to-be-funny fu by Yossarian	Dec 10th, 2003 10:38:21 AM
but that whole long, drawn out digression on the merrits of B.A. Barrabas...c'mon. Aaaah, I'm just mildly jealous, I'm an Austinite who has never gotten to go to BNAT becasue I always have finals on the day in question. Dammit, Harry, couldn't your mother have held her womb just another week or so, just so that 25 years later I cold go to BNAT?
Oh My by Van Damned	Dec 10th, 2003 10:40:47 AM
That was some funny criticizin' there. I actually laughed out loud at the Wal-Mart/ball stomp reference, and the only person here is my mother in-laws Dominican health aide (who wouldn't understand even if I signed it for her, but she has cute tats) and I STILL laughed out loud. Bravo, Neil
Like a fly to... by Sled-Head	Dec 10th, 2003 10:53:30 AM
...shit, I find myself at this site again.
Wow by chryso	Dec 10th, 2003 11:05:36 AM
Sounds like there are a bunch of homos hanging here who are looking to be offended.
I knew I was wasting my breath trying to explain humor to the hu by Mr. Waturi	Dec 10th, 2003 11:06:47 AM
A 3 year old could sift through this review, point out the word "gay," and cry homophobia. Some of us are beyond that. "Hate" speech? How anybody could read any of this review and take it remotely seriously is beyond me.
GAY GAY GAY by Cargo	Dec 10th, 2003 11:07:55 AM
Speaking as an actual gay person this review is one of the funniest things I have ever read. I nearly peed my pants. All you PC whiners need to take the sticks out of your asses. "only air comes out when I spooge now" - woo!!
Raker... by DukeOfSpiders	Dec 10th, 2003 11:09:09 AM
...flipping people off dates as far back as the Roman Empire, who referred to it as the "digitus impudicus." Meanwhile, I enjoyed the lines, "This movie will make you forget that if you stick a knife in your belly you'll bleed to death so do not bring a knife to this movie," and "there's some shit with the elves that's like being in a fucking candle store for twenty minutes."
Neill used to be funny... by HardcoreRocker	Dec 10th, 2003 11:23:29 AM
...back when he didn't retitle the movies and use homophobic shit every two seconds. I mean, I love an Elton John joke as much as the next guy, but it's just not that funny. Even making fun of gay people requires wit, and Neill has none. Sorry, Neill. Your 15 seconds are up. www.rockithardcore.com
Here's my vote... by RobTheIdiot	Dec 10th, 2003 11:31:41 AM
Not that anybody else actually listens to me anyway, but Neill is one funny mofo. If there is one thing that I have taken from this site, besides the news, is that I also now use "tits" as an adjective. I look forward to his reviews, almost as much as any other.
Fucking Wow. by Nozoki	Dec 10th, 2003 11:35:29 AM
I couldn't even get through the first paragraph. This guy's "humor" consists of cocksucking references and giving stupid new names to things that sound like the original names so people think he's witty. He's not.
Wow - Who knew that Fags and Dykes could be so touchy? by Garko	Dec 10th, 2003 11:38:59 AM
Never before have so many read something that they didnt like, on a site they cant stand, to talk-back to people they dont know, just for the sake of BITCHING (no pun intended). Speaking for the Rest of Us That Have A Sense of Humour (however skewed): SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
this thread..... by sosgemini	Dec 10th, 2003 11:45:57 AM
this will be the only the second time ive ever posted on this forum...and i gotta say i stopped reading this review because i found it utterly offensive...this guy was grasping and desperate for a laugh which always waters down the execution....pathetic!!
If you liked this review then you'll like... by MKiro	Dec 10th, 2003 11:47:06 AM
...Ali G. Another King of irony. Had a short-lived series on HBO which was canned as (seemingly) the Americans didn't 'get it'. I thought we Brits had cornered the market in irony, but Mr Cumpston has demonstrated there's hope yet for our US cousins. Oh, and as for those who can't see the funny side of this review (or Ali G for that matter), I pity you. Life is too short to take issue with something that is so OBVIOUSLY meant to be light-hearted. Basically, it's taking the piss out of the things you are accusing NC of being. C'mon, people - get a little sophistication!!
the worm turns by neckbone	Dec 10th, 2003 12:04:20 PM
props to the gay contingent sticking up for neill. if there's a 'gay' version of AICN with a reviewer skewering straight people who's as funny as neill - please let us know. of course the PC loons will continue to press the issue and tell the gay community why they really must be offended at this sort of material. if you PCers look hard enough to find something 'offensive', chances are you'll find it. further, if you read neill's ENTIRE diatribe and are still bitching - shut your pie hole. hell, most PCers probably read all his previous rants as well and expected to find something different this time???
What a Fucking Moron Reviewer by SnoopGollum	Dec 10th, 2003 12:08:36 PM
The intelligence of this reviewer can be summed up in one word...LACKING. What a jackass! If you are going to review a movie semi-intelligently, please don't use your review to try out your new retarded stand-up act. This moron thinks that using the word COCK and FAG makes him funny. Grow up you little shit-faced cockmaster!
Get over it... by stsdata	Dec 10th, 2003 12:20:08 PM
The movie rocks! Can't say the middle Earth thing excites me, but the films are terrific. As for the review, it's funny. Think of Mel Brooks and Blazing Saddles kind of funny. It's so over the top, you can't take it seriously or be offended. Keep it up!
what's the big deal, it's comedy! by JohnnyUtah	Dec 10th, 2003 12:21:58 PM
After all, the reviewer only made a minimum of 11 idiotic homophobic comments, listed here for your convenience: (1) they suck dicks (2) Dicksuck-ylvania (3) Faggoty Fuckheads (4) those movies went beyond gay to where they
bravo! by jws816@mac.com	Dec 10th, 2003 12:30:26 PM
what great humour! what a great way to start the day!
William S. Burroughs wrote this review by kafka07	Dec 10th, 2003 12:53:38 PM
That was a weird review, man. I felt like I was reading Junky or Naked Lunch by Burroughs while having prison sex forced upon me. I feel so filthy now. I want my mommy. I'll never look at Tolkien's world the same way again.
"...while every puke-ugly bad-ass on the planet starts surroundi by Oberon	Dec 10th, 2003 12:55:46 PM
I'm still not sure what to make of Neill's review (as usual) but admit I just about tossed my cookies when I read that line.
Is this review about ROTK or Return of the Homophobe? by ichabodvic	Dec 10th, 2003 12:56:33 PM
Since when are the terms gay and lesbian reduced to being synonymous with adjectives like "suck", "disappointing", "poor", etc.? Gay and lesbian describe indivduals who are not heterosexual and have to endure the hateful, shallow coopting of their sexual distinction by homophobes like Neill Cumpston. It's never a joke when a person's sexuality, or race for that matter, is used to symbolize what the writer or speaker subjectively determines to be lacking in value. With regard to lacking in vlaue, has anyone else noticed that despite the excellent film crafting by Peter Jackson in the LOTR trilogy, the heroes are all white males who are ruled by monarchies? Say what you want about the lack of drama, story and coherence in the Star Wars and Matrix films, but at least they make the effort to include heroes of both sexes and various races and cultures.
ichabodvic... by DocPazuzu	Dec 10th, 2003 01:27:53 PM
... Hear that rumbling in the distance? It's a horde of Tolkien fans, most of which have read the Silmarillion, who are at this very moment bearing down on you with the intent of tearing you a new one for not understanding the cultural history or geography of Middle-Earth. If you have a lightsaber, I hope it's fully charged.
This review was so tits! by Butch_McTavish	Dec 10th, 2003 01:42:51 PM
Obviously, this was written in such a low, low-brow humor manner as to elicit even the most conservative guffaws. The reviewer surely loved the movie and I surmise he chose this particularly vulgar "voice" or "personality" as a way of conveying to us the unusually broad appeal of the Rings series. That, or the writer just wanted to be freakin' hilarious. It's satire, of course, in the most ribald sense. Too scary to think otherwise.
I particularly liked the recycling of an abortive LXG parody. W by FrankCobretti	Dec 10th, 2003 01:43:53 PM
Other than that, this slayed me. Keep it up, Neill, whoever you are!
I'll be the first to roll in on ichabodvick by FrankCobretti	Dec 10th, 2003 01:53:39 PM
The Lord of the Rings is an attempt to craft a mythology for England that's on par with the legends of its Norse and Greek cousins. Of course it's about white guys in a monarchy!
tight ends by Edward R Rooney	Dec 10th, 2003 02:21:52 PM
If the PC contingency in here would spend as much time using their brains as they do stroking each other off, maybe they'd accomplish something. As soon as you condemn Neil (character or otherwise) for anything, your rants about equality and open mindedness are without any value. In fact, they're worse than Neil because instead of just being a bigot, they're a bunch of hypocrits. Off to Wal Mart for some ball stomp.
doesn't anyone on here have a job? by TooMuchFreeTime	Dec 10th, 2003 02:25:43 PM
Where do all you people find the time to post such nonsense? everyone loves to chide the reviewers, saying: their reviews are worthless and I don't care what they say anyway, but clearly you do, because you've read them. Not to mention the fact that you've written something NO ONE cares to read. Also, don't you have a job to go to? or, are you like whiney middle eastern folk who LOVE to riot in the middle of the day, when they should be AT WORK, worrying about their lexus payment and property taxes. see, these are the things that I worry about, b/c I have a job, and don't have time to whine about how dumb the reviewers are. something tells me you whiners love to whine for the sheer sake of whining. why not get a job, complete or obtain your post-high school education, and stop wasting time on the internet?
That was, how do you say, a "joke" by GypsyTRobot	Dec 10th, 2003 02:39:22 PM
Damned funny too. Just relax! You know, you CAN enjoy a little low-brow now and then, and still go back to enjoying whatever it is that qualifies as high-brow humor. It is possible to watch an episode of South Park and still be able to chuckle at the dry humor of a Jane Austen flick. Actually it's kinda funny that some people would be so upset over lowbrow humor in a RotK review, when you think about it. Who else has introduced lowbrow humor into the franchise? awhoops! I've said too much. See you guys in a week . . .
Jedi by runfoodrun	Dec 10th, 2003 02:52:52 PM
What's with the constant Jedi bashing by all. Sure the Ewoks weren't the greatest, but Luke showing up all bad ass at Jabba's the Rancor, Boba Fett, speederbikes, the final battle with the Emperor, what the hell? That's great stuff if you ask me.
now that's the way by dwam0	Dec 10th, 2003 02:54:53 PM
to keep topping yourself. You read these reveiws just waiting for a funny line to hit you upside the head. I was laughing out loud from the start - don't bring a knife, like being stuck in a candle store, etc. I don't care how offensive it is ,"Star Wars: All the Dicks in the Universe Up My Ass," is funny and I can't stop thinking about the sight of a bent over Lucas getting gang banged by aliens. But I'm black and I don't mind a racist joke, as long as it's funny.
too sensitive by testiclops	Dec 10th, 2003 02:58:15 PM
This is a movie review...nothing more. It's well written parody that nearly put me in fucking traction I laughed so hard, as do ALL of Neil's reviews. I think it's time for all the uppity fuckin fags of the world to stop whining about being gay. It's a choice you MADE...stop complaining about all of us date-raping-jock-redneck straight people bashing you. If word(s)like, "gay" or "fag" or "dyke" or "cock-smoker" or "poo-driller" are too harsh for you...well, then as a STRAIGHT man, I'd like to say that I'd rather not be lumped in and summed up with words like "jock" or "date-raper" or "redneck". I'd also like to say that I dont have my own DAY! and I dont have my own PARADE! and I dont have my own FLAG!so, please...stop your fuckin whining...your getting as bad as the blacks and the jews and the poor and the homeless and the democrats and...ah whats the fucking piont.
Re: "Harry, couldn't your mother have held her womb just another by Harry KnowLESS	Dec 10th, 2003 03:04:33 PM
Have you seen the size of this guy? What cruelity did you just wish on his Mom? Who probably had serious "Popeye" Biceps, having to feed him so often...
gollum pop by elviskilledjfk	Dec 10th, 2003 03:09:04 PM
i didn't LOVE this review, but it was probably one of the most entertaining things I've read in a while. this guy is either totally retarded or a master at writing the most idiotic movie reviews ever. i'm thinking it's the latter, in which case, the rise he gets out of most TBers is evidence of his... lack of skill. Loved the iggy pop/gollum comment.
BNAT line up by T-Pot25	Dec 10th, 2003 03:14:54 PM
Over the last four years I was laways sad that I could never find a complete list of what was shown at BNAT, so this year I've decided to let everyone know just what we had the privleige of experiencing. I hope this isn't against some obscure BNAT rue that I'm not aware of. Trailer-Stunt Rock Trailer-Branagan Trailer-TheFastest Guitar Alive, Roy Orbison in a western Trailer-A Minute to Pray A second to Die Feature-Haunted Gold Serial-Return of Captain Marvel. cut off in middle to.... Feature-Return of the King Q&A with Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh and Phillipa Boyas. The General with live band playing orignal score short Cartoon-King Kong Commercial-Volkswagen claymation King Kong Trailer-Dragionslyer Trailer-King Kong (1933) Clip-Ron Burgundy: Anchorman Trailer-Mad Monkey Kung Fu Trailer-The Green Slime Trailer-The Bodyguard. Featuring Sonny Chiba, got the whole audience spontaneously chanting "Chiba! Chiba!" PSA-Keep auditorium clean Feature-Old Boy, Korean....amazing movie! Only english dubbed print in the world Traler-Hellboy Trailer-SkyCaptain and the World of Tomorrow Trailer-maniac cop 2 (french dubbed) Trailer- Vice Squad Trailer-Superfuzz Feature-Nid de Guepes. French action flick Short Film-Blind Trailer-An American Werewolf in London Trailer-The Vampire Beast Craves Blood Trailer-The Howling Traielr-Sky Captan and the World of Tomorrow again Trailer- The Velvet Vampire Trailer-Night of the Creeps Clip- Menudo! Feature-Haute Tension. French horror flick with hot lesbian killer Feature-Teenage Mother. no more foreceps!!!! Nasty Greasy Breakfast while on the screen with lights up played... Cartoon-Rotten Fruit: The Greatest Band in the World. Offensive claymation british rock band pieces of fruit gethigh on pesticide and their fans keep getting trampled to death at concerts. Feature-Undead. New Zealand Zombie Flick Feature-the PAssion of the Christ Q&A-Mel Gibson
Formal complaint by 22121985	Dec 10th, 2003 03:15:14 PM
I'd like to make a formal complaint regarding the terrible review written by Neill Cumpston. After reading it I felt empty inside. During the short time it took me, I could have enjoyed a cup of tea whilst watching Monty Python on the telly. In short, and in Neill's primitive language, the review was fucking shit "dude".
As if to illustrate the point... by DocPazuzu	Dec 10th, 2003 03:18:20 PM
Compare the vulgar but funny satire of Neill with the troglodytic oral bowel movements of the truly homophobic, prejudiced Yossarian and Testiclops. Huge differences in tone, spirit, phrasing and -- above all -- intent. They come crawling out of the woodwork when they think someone's speaking "their" language. They just don't get it. Sad, pitiful wankers.
Top 10 Things I Love about AICN by jbum	Dec 10th, 2003 03:25:01 PM
10. All the headlines end with one of these exclamation points! 9. Some of them end up with a bunch of exclamation points!!!!! That way you know it's EXTRA EXCITING!!!! 8. There's this funny link on the front page which says "What Gollum Thinks of AICN" What a laff riot! I click it every time I visit. 7. The Talkback messages appear in this crazy mixed up order. There's new ones at the top AND new ones at the bottom! Sweeeet!!! 6. Sometimes when you visit the site, the page loads with WACKY CRAZY fonts cause the style sheet's messed up or something. Woohoo! 5. Sometimes when you visit the site, the pages don't load at all, cause the server's too busy serving up stories about some new trailer at apple.com. Even better! 4. No threads in the talkbacks. Makes for a more interesting discussion with none of that annoying continuity. 3. The site hasn't been changed a whit in a couple of years, even though they keep running ads, publishing books and hosting film festivals. Hey! If it ain't broke, don't fix it! Okay, I ran out of things I love about the site. Insert your top two here.
Top 10 Things I Love about AICN (continued) by jbum	Dec 10th, 2003 03:26:24 PM
2. In talkback, all your careful formatting goes out the window so that your post looks like a big long ranty paragraph. Whoopeee!!!! Horray for ADD!!!
Re: iggy pop/gollum comment by JAGUART	Dec 10th, 2003 03:51:00 PM
On the Two Towers Extended DVD Commentary, the lead Gollum designer (I forget his name) mentions that he used the wiry frame of Iggy Pop as inspiration for Gollum's look. The segment is comical when they show a photo of Iggy Pop onstage as they talk about the sick musculature or Gollum.
Film geeks are so so so damn... by wtce	Dec 10th, 2003 04:14:37 PM
...stupid. I mean, we don't respect others because they don't conform to everything we think is normal. Right? Homosexuals, mentally unstable..whatever, whoever. As long as you don't act like me, do like me, I am allowed to make your life a living hell. Why? Coz I'm stupid and insensitive. Never mind that I claim to understand whatever it was that Tolkien or PJackson are trying to say on film. GET A BRAIN!!
Am I hallucinating by Ardee-El	Dec 10th, 2003 04:51:13 PM
Or was this review longer yesterday? Did something get chopped?
sacred bovine by raker	Dec 10th, 2003 05:40:45 PM
this movie is getting some kick ass reviews. i smell oscars.
for the love of God by rasok19	Dec 10th, 2003 05:52:49 PM
Jesus Christ! All you fucking morons who want to deconstruct Neil's review should go join one of the lawsuits against "Bad Santa" and shut the fuck up. The guy's hilarious. I _wish_ I could be that funny.
well there's your proof as to why aicn will never be taken serio by BEARison Ford	Dec 10th, 2003 06:23:35 PM

Fluffy Unbound.... by MisterGrimloch	Dec 10th, 2003 06:50:16 PM
perhaps Play-Doh is simply asking that you be aware of the feelings of others, and try not to deliberately "hurt" anyone? surely this is not a request that asks too much.
TooMuchFreeTime by aricbcool	Dec 10th, 2003 07:14:45 PM
"Where do all you people find the time to post such nonsense?" "don't you have a job to go to?" "I have a job, and don't have time to whine about how dumb the reviewers are. something tells me you whiners love to whine for the sheer sake of whining. why not get a job, complete or obtain your post-high school education, and stop wasting time on the internet?" Dude, look at what you just typed. lol
Poor bastards... by aricbcool	Dec 10th, 2003 07:29:23 PM
I pity the poor bastards who had never read a Neil Cumpston review before. Sadly, they entered the review expecting to read a tasteful, thorough if not somewhat overly enthusiastic review. Obviously some can't get over the fact that the guy isn't trying to write anything close to a helpful review, he's just trying to get people to laugh and get excited about a movie. Worked for me. And for everyone else... Ye be warned.
LOTR: The secret diaries by Sir Poopalot	Dec 10th, 2003 07:36:55 PM
This review was funny. If you can't understand that then it's your loss. Go back to watching Jacques Tati and talk about it afterwards with your cultivated friends. Here's something you people who think Neil is bashing gays or spoiling the magic of LOTR will surely love... http://home.nyu.edu/~amw243/di aries/
Review sucks by Noel Vera	Dec 10th, 2003 07:37:13 PM
"shit stuff you didn't eat" Yeah, like this review. Real turn off, and if I were a LOTR fan (which I'm not), I wouldn't be using this piece of turd as the basis for watching the flick, no way.
Suddenly this bitch hates the Matrix, when he was all over Reloa by lemmingwinks	Dec 10th, 2003 08:06:35 PM
Way to jump ship and continue these weak ass gimmick reviews were it could easily be debated all you saw were the trailers.
Lord of Laughter et all by 900LBGorilla	Dec 10th, 2003 08:34:23 PM
First off, the review was hilarious, and to all you whiners who got all hot and bothered by it, get a life... only in this day and age of entitlement mentality can people get all up in arms about a guy acting like a parody of a frat boy for laughs... shit if gay people were being tortured in public for being gay, then no, this would not be funny... but they are not, so get over yourselves...and laugh... or not... but the guy wasn't REALLY talking about YOU, so deal with it in a corner by yourselves and stop being so frail. ============================== = To answer an oft asked question from the court of the "hater-haters"...No, NO ONE read this review! REALLY! (Yo

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