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AICN COMICS! TalkBack League Of @$$Holes Reviews!!

PS...It's Adrienne Barbeau's Birthday today... by Dog Of Mystery	Jun 11th, 2003 09:52:51 AM
If you see her working a street corner, tell her to have a happy one...
Dammit, gotta get out comic shopping this week by Dog Of Mystery	Jun 11th, 2003 09:53:37 AM
I haven't been in two weeks, and my jones is nigh unbearable...
Hey Buzzzzzzz... by ROBOTFIST!	Jun 11th, 2003 10:03:35 AM
...your reviews suck! Try a little less navel-gazing and tell us more about the comicbooks next time. Check out www.robotfist.com to see how it's really done.
Thoughts by rev_skarekroe	Jun 11th, 2003 10:08:07 AM
1) Screw Lobo! Giffen needs to bring back Ambush Bug! 2) Ben Grimm, ladies man? I dunno. Have you actually read "Fantastic Four" #1? Kirby didn't exactly make Grimm a GQ model, even as a human. 3) I don't have a point 3. 4) Is this Alan Moore tribute a book, or a comic of a magazine or what? 5) I read "Chariots of the Gods" when I was about 9 or 10, and even then I knew it was stoopid. sk
Lemme Get This Straight, Bulentyusuf... by Buzz Maverik	Jun 11th, 2003 10:10:39 AM
... you need somebody to tell you about comic books? They're fucking comic books, what more do you need to know. I would try Robot Fist but frankly the name makes my spinchter nervous.
REV- by RenoNevada2000	Jun 11th, 2003 10:56:28 AM
Ambush Bug is showing up in LOBO UNBOUND #4-6.
WHERE THE HELL IS THE ULTIMATES ISSUE 10 REVIEW?!!! by Uncle Sam	Jun 11th, 2003 11:03:22 AM
It came out well over a week ago! No matter what you may think of The Ultimates, it remains a significant bi-monthly event! BUZZ, I thought that you LOVED that title! GET ON WITH THE REVIEW, dammit! - I WANT YOU, but not in that way.
You're right... by ROBOTFIST!	Jun 11th, 2003 11:06:34 AM
...I shouldn't be asking a 39-year old crack addict about comic books.
You're right... by ROBOTFIST!	Jun 11th, 2003 11:06:41 AM
...I shouldn't be asking a 39-year old crack addict about comic books. Especially when he writes like his brain has turned to shit.
BTW- I'm published this week! by RenoNevada2000	Jun 11th, 2003 11:20:17 AM
That's right comics geeks- I'm published. My first place winning entry in the recent Last Kiss writing contest hits stores this Wednesday, so I hope you all pester the fat, unwashed lazy bastard who works for minimum wage when the owner can't make it in for a copy. "What's Last Kiss?" I can hear you ask. (I got big ears, whattyawant?) It's a rather funny comic from Shanda Press where John Lustig takes old romance comics from the 50s and rescripts and reletters them. It's all highly silly fun and I'm thrilled and flattered that John thought enough of my entry (A reworking of a one-page story called "A Date With Pop" into "Janice Gets A Sugar Daddy") to award it a tieing first place winner. So get down to your local purveyor of four-color fun and buy a copy of issue #4. (Or have them order a copy from those bums at Diamond Distributors.) Turn to page 29 and laugh your ass off. Then read the rest of the book. It's pretty good too.
Keith Giffen! by MisterE	Jun 11th, 2003 11:25:37 AM
Glad to see that Keith Giffen is doing some good work again. I thought that "Suicide Squad" was pretty frickin' awful. I didn't even notice "Lobo Unbound" on the shelves, so I guess that I need to go looking for it. Can't wait for "Formally Know as Justice League," either.
Duh by Cerebud	Jun 11th, 2003 12:01:44 PM
"Horley is a worthy predecessor." If Horley came AFTER Simon Bisley, he'd be a worthy successor. Although I guess I wouldn't look to AICN for some decent editing or even a quick proof read. Lobo and the Thing sound interesting. I think I need to call my friendly neighborhood comics shop.
It's not over until I say it's over! FLASH review addendum. by Village Idiot	Jun 11th, 2003 01:04:30 PM
I think it may bear pointing out the The Infamous Pauline Kael Story that I described in my first paragraph also seems to have been appropriated by the Right recently (most notably in Bernard Goldberg's book BIAS), as an example of the Left-Wing insularity of the "elite media." This connotation has nothing to do with how I learned it, or more importantly, how I used it in my review. Moreover, the @$$holes are the furthest thing from any kind of elite media anyway. But then again, you probably already knew that._____Meanwhile, some of you more canny readers may remember my review and disappointed reaction to last month's issue of THE FLASH: I felt the rationale for the new Zoom's beef with Wally didn't wasn't as emotionally believable as I would have liked. This title is so good, the bar is set pretty high; and I felt that this was a rare misstep. With #198, the issue under discussion in this column, things seem back to form, so much so, it even allows me to reflect on #197 a bit more gently, and acknowledge the fact that #197 provides worthwhile context._____Regardless, FLASH #198 was a great issue, it remains highly recommended in and of itself.
Bulentyusuf, As Much As We All Enjoy Reading These Talkback Flam by Buzz Maverik	Jun 11th, 2003 02:06:47 PM
...Let's see, I'd probably type something witty that would make you post your reply before you were ready so you'd have to double post...Okay, did that already! Then, we'd get down to about 20 or 30 posts full of meaningless insults. Then, we'd start referring to pasts posts (I know because you can see this in every talkback these days): "Remember when you called me a hermaphrdite bi-sexual jello fancier? Well, jokes on you, smart ass, because hermaphradites are bisexual by definition..." Then, we'd have a few people join in insulting us. Then, a few other people would jump in to talk about how stupid the flame war is. Then one of us would announce that this is stupid and he's not participating but would be back on the next post. By then, we'd be off the main board and somebody would come in and write like 5000 words about how stupid we are and be glad that we weren't around any more to turn on him because he secretly hates confrontations. Usually, the flame war things end there, but lately, I've seen 'em continue on into other talkbacks where someone will go: "I wonder where CGIvan is! Probably out doing something gay like having sex with chicks..." Then, we'd start showing up whenever the other posted. I don't know where it'd go from there because from what I've seen this stuff just keeps going on and on and on and on. Thank God, I'm here and have done all of this for us just now so we don't have to waste the time going through it all.
Congrats, Reno! by Buzz Maverik	Jun 11th, 2003 02:13:35 PM
The book sounds hilarious! I hope to read it!
Ambush Bug, you're wrong about JSA All-Stars #2 by cncoyle	Jun 11th, 2003 02:25:24 PM
The back-up story was really good. Pure Golden Age stuff, both story-wise & that wonderful art (especially the mis-overlaid coloring!) As for Kendra's secret, it makes sense why she's such a troubled soul. The main story felt like a bit of filler, but I'm pleasantly surprised by Kendra's backstory.
Geez Buzz... by ROBOTFIST!	Jun 11th, 2003 03:31:56 PM
...for a self-proclaimed @$$-hole, you're pretty sensitive. Maybe you should see a doctor about that nervous sphincter. Let me rephrase my original criticism so that you understand my point more clearly: compared to the OTHER @$$-holes, YOUR writing sucks. More about the comic you're supposed to be reviewing, less about your retarded rambling, which I'm sure is a riot with the ladies, but not in here. Over and out.
Ah yes... by JonQuixote	Jun 11th, 2003 04:19:44 PM
...the standard "you've responded to my talkback insults. Therefore, regardless of what your response actually was, I shall now play my 'boy are you sensitive' card." You left that one out, Buzz. But fear not, for only $19.95, you can purchase my compilation: The Best of Fetts. Basically, it's Sun Tzu for the talkback set. I'd offer a copy to bowleystuff, but he's a pro.
Thanks For The Cool Words, Ebonic Plague! by Buzz Maverik	Jun 11th, 2003 06:31:17 PM
Always good to hear from you! Good luck with the comic! As for the talkback stuff, we always march to the beat of a different drummer on these comic book talkbacks. Here, the deer rape the dead werewolves and vampires. I would say the deer rape the dead vampires, but we all know that vampires are already dead (except for MORBIUS, THE LIVIN' VAMPIRE) so that'd be redundant.
But Jon, I AM Sensitive! This Is What It Sounds Like When @$$ho by Buzz Maverik	Jun 11th, 2003 06:48:53 PM
Sure, I come off hard as nails, but if you cut me, it hurts and I bleed, man! And if the cut goes untreated, it can get infected and filled with pus. Then, gangrene sets in and ya gotta amputate! That's when we get into the whole area of prosthetics and I become one of those guys with a hook instead of a hand ...which would be cool and a real asset when it comes to working the old disabled veteran scam. The whole drawback would be that it would reduce my ability to give people the finger by up to 50%!
Apologies by Ambush Bug	Jun 11th, 2003 09:56:31 PM
Well, I'll never let our mascot Schlepy the Deficating Monkey edit my reviews ever again. First I fuck up and say Goeff Loeb wrote JSA (the thing is, Goeff Loeb actually IS the bastard son that Jeph and Geoff don't want us to know about) and then I call Alex Horley a worthy predecessor to Simon Bisley in my LOBO review. Dammit, Schlepy. Can't you do anything right? Next week the reviews are going to be reviewed by a unanimous bowel movement that has taken sentience and holed up in the back corner of @$$hole HQ with a shotgun, a lurid skin mag, and an over-sized bag of Raisinettes. Okay, Bowelly, it's your turn at the editing chores. Do some editing justice and make us @$$holes proud.
You're a poopiehead and I hate you! by Dog Of Mystery	Jun 11th, 2003 11:05:34 PM
Well, I didn't go comic shopping today... Why? Because I was out at the fucking bar getting tore up... But, I promise, I'm gonna go soon...
ManfromUncleFucka! by JonQuixote	Jun 11th, 2003 11:19:20 PM
Don't feel bad. I stayed home today and got all tore up. On the plus side, JanQ is making me nachos right now. Wahoo! Comics tomorrow.
Speakin' a gettin' all tore up... by SleazyG.	Jun 11th, 2003 11:35:32 PM
...I got the day off tomorrow, so here I go, off to the bars! Thanks for runnin' point for me, fellas...
Johnny Cash rocks my face right off!!!! by Brimacombe	Jun 12th, 2003 01:02:02 AM
I love him!
Hey, Reno, I've read a few issues of LAST KISS, and it's some fu by Dave_F	Jun 12th, 2003 01:41:30 AM
Well done, old bean. I will seek your story out.
Re: FLASH #197 by Dave_F	Jun 12th, 2003 02:07:41 AM
Hey, Village-boy. Okay, I don't have FLASH #197 in front of me right now, but I recall thinking that Zolomon's transformation to the Reverse Flash had some ambiguity to it that might later become important. What we were shown was the mental breakdown of a previously rational man, resulting in him assuming the identity of the Flash's greatest foe. Okay, straightforward enough, but a little cheesy, no doubt. A little too abrupt. But it all came to pass after the guy tried to use Flash's goofy old "cosmic treadmill", right? Maybe the explosion jarred something in the poor bastard's brain and made him snap - fine. But here's the thought that I've been mulling over: is it possible that when Zolomon activated the treadmill and gained his own speed powers, that he was also - how to put this? - "infected" by the original Professor Zoom's consciousness, bouncing around in the realm of the Speed Force as some weird property of that realm? Perhaps even deliberately infected as some sort of evil contingency plan put in place by Zoom before he died? Maybe Zolomon's bitterness towards the Flash attracted Zoom's evil "engrams" or somesuch. Granted, this is all ultra-geek speculation, but because the events surrounding the treadmill and Zolomon gaining his powers are so hazy, I've got to wonder. Certainly, I think the "possession" theory makes more sense than the "he just SNAPPED" explanation we've been given thus far. ****** I agree with your assessment of the latest issue, in any case. Reverse Flash is a truly scary bastard, never more so than when we see him blowing apart buildings with his sonic boom finger snaps, only to have him end the issue, fingers twitching for a snap, right in front of Flash's very pregnant wife. I'm SO avoiding spoilers on the events to come, but I've heard rumors of a darker tone to the post-200 issues, and I'm fearful that Linda's gonna get liquefied or miscarry or something equally nasty. I'm truly impressed by Johns' ability to take an old-school villain with what is surely one of the silliest names ever, and imbue him with such a vicious threat level. Hell, Kolins even makes this yellow-costumed badboy look visually menacing. I think it's the black areas around the eyes. That and seeing Reverse Flash whup up on the Golden Age Flash so fast that he can't even see the blows that are bloodying him. Great stuff.
Uncle Sam, about that ULTIMATES review... by Dave_F	Jun 12th, 2003 02:24:20 AM
Haven't you heard? Brian Hitch is now drawing SO slowly that he's causing the flow of time to reverse, thereby undoing events that have already happened! As a result, while ULTIMATES #10 did exist at one time, that moment has been undone and retroactively stricken from readers' minds! Most folks are back to waiting for issue fucking six again, and just praying that the dense tachyon field surrounding Hitch doesn't cause him to collapse into a singularity (or "chrono-sphincter", to use the technical term). Through some glitch of quantum mechanics, apparently you're one of the lucky ones who can remember what-will-be, which is why I pose this question to you, Future-Boy: back when I could still remember ULTIMATES #10, was it just me, or was Hitch's rendition of the SHIELD Helicarrier the weakest ever? I mean, it looked like he just traced a photo of a modern-day aircraft carrier and stuck a few high-tech pods on the sides, fer Chrissakes! It looked like the poor man's Space Cruiser Yamato! It was thin and impotent where the Helicarrier is supposed to be MASSIVE AND VIRILE! I'm just sayin', give me Steranko's rendition of the Helicarrier any day. That is, I'd be saying that if I could remember ULTIMATES #10. Which I can't.
Vote seconded for the lengthily-titled STARTLING STORIES: THE TH by Dave_F	Jun 12th, 2003 02:32:39 AM
Dorkin pens a winning mixture of classic FF and fast-paced modernism, and the art's gorgeous to boot. My only gripe: the asterisked-out swearing from The Thing in a few places, which was of the obvious, "You piece of $#!T!" variety once or twice. Seemed somewhat out of place in a story that otherwise had the broad appeal of John Byrne's original THING series in the 80's. Still highly recommended, however.
It kills me when an irregularly-produced book loses all its mome by Dave_F	Jun 12th, 2003 03:02:04 AM
...or worse yet, just dies on the vine. Liz's mention of STRANGEHAVEN's lateness got me to thinking about this, because the once-a-year schedule was also shared by one of my favorite books, XENOZOIC TALES, at the end of its quite short run. While trade paperback collections can ultimately make the huge gaps irrelevant for future readers, the loss of fan enthusiasm incurred during the initial wait can be devastating. I honestly don't expect to ever see XENOZOIC TALES truly completed, even though the book is getting some snazzy reprints from Dark Horse. And really, has ANY book that suffered through such great pauses and hiatuses between issues ever gone on to be a notable success? I know WATCHMEN had some waits between issues originally - surely irrelevent to anyone buying the trade now - but it also had the backing of a Big Two publisher and a vast readership to begin with. Can anyone think of any other examples? I'm a little worried about books like Colleen Doran's A DISTANT SOIL, which she's produced in fits and starts for something like ten years, nearly always in labor-of-love troughs between commercial art and mainstream gigs. I admire her dedication - the book's in its 30's now, with an ending in sight, no less - but will it do well as a series of trades when it's finally complete, or will the only folks buying the collections be the folks who were already reading the sporadic individual issues? It makes you wonder if it's really worth it for creative types to take such great pains to produce something that may never achieve any real attention, regardless of quality. Very disheartening, but I suppose a small but dedicated audience is what motivates ALL the indie creators to keep going, in ALL the mediums. It's not easy being part of that audience, though; as Liz notes, it means you sometimes have to watch great potential whither and die on the vine. Shit, I'm still smarting from getting totally hyped for Steve Bissette' creator-owned TYRANT in the mid-90's, only to see it disappear completely. That series - an epic telling of the entire life of a Tyrannosaurus Rex from birth to death, naturalistically told, but with near-Shakespearian dramatic punch - made it only four issues before succumbing to the industry going "bust" in the wake of the speculator boom. Fucking 90's. That series could have been one of the greatest of the last 20 years.
Wuss Check: by Dave_F	Jun 12th, 2003 03:07:17 AM
I've got to know - did anyone else out there read PROPOSITION PLAYER? And if so, did you find the torture scene as gratuitous as I did? Or am I just being a wuss? For the record - my wussiness aside - I still say that anyone who's reading FABLES and hasn't purchased or made plans to purchase PROPOSITION PLAYER is a dumbass.
Uncle Sam, I Liked ULTIMATES # 10 But Chose Not To Review It. by Buzz Maverik	Jun 12th, 2003 02:11:37 PM
I think I might have reviewed ULTIMATES # 8 & 9 and I don't really enjoy reviewing consecutive issues of a book. I was hoping one of the other @$$holes would cover it. Somebody even talked about reviewing it along with THE AVENGERS.
1602? by scuba steve	Jun 12th, 2003 10:37:39 PM
Does anyone have any idea what 1602 is about? & Can someone also fill me in on what happened in Sleeper #1? I have the previous four but missed the first issue.
Scuba by JonQuixote	Jun 12th, 2003 11:05:44 PM
The skinny on Sleeper #1 is that Holden was sent to determine whether or not one of Tao's agents was a mole. Turns out he was, and Conductor had to kill him. Great grabber! *** As far as 1602, your guess is as good as ours.
Doubt anyone is still reading this, but . . . Waid off FF? by hulkdog	Jun 17th, 2003 08:04:19 AM
Does anyone know if Waid is off FF? I heard a rumor that he was kicked to the curb by the powers that be at Marvel . . .

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