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Don't Call The Ambulance! Seagal Ain't Dead Yet! HALF PAST DEAD'

i don't get it... by tommy5tone	Jul 3rd, 2002 08:15:07 AM
this has ja rule in it, but the reviewer says it's a good movie. but it can't be a good movie if that weaselly little fucker has anything to do with it. you see the problem i'm facing here? can someone help me out? please?
Can you spell p-l-a-n-t? by glippyglipson	Jul 3rd, 2002 08:25:52 AM
Give us a break, please! I mean: "Matrix-style action sequences", "criminals looking for gold", "Steven Seagal kicks ass"... am I the only one who smells a friggin' plant here? How can you take an actor who calls himself Ja Rule seriously anyway? (I guess the same goes for other rapping actors like Ice Cube, Ice T and DMX) Can you imagine what an Oscar-ceremony would be like if one of those guys was up for an award (I know there's no chance in hell that's going to happen, but anyway)? "The Oscar for Best Actor goes to Ja Rule! Congratulations Rule... or can I call you Ja?" But I digress: this movie is going to SUCK. And no, not every project deserves the benefit of the doubt.
Was that the one with Micheal Caine in it. I think that's o by scorpio2nd	Jul 3rd, 2002 08:51:23 AM

Sorry that came out wrong, i meant to say what's your favour by scorpio2nd	Jul 3rd, 2002 08:55:11 AM
On another note, i have nothing against Mr Segal apart from the fact that he cannot act. If he has learnt to then best of luck with this film, but it seems to be financial suicide to release it in November. Bond will Walther PPK yow ass.
Jar Jar Rule by Max Rockatansky	Jul 3rd, 2002 09:17:42 AM
Icecube is cool. Check out Boy
Requisite Matrix-like Action.......... by Rondo	Jul 3rd, 2002 09:51:29 AM
Come on already!Is that the best we can do anymore,rip off the Matrix?What was the big deal about that movie anyway?Must be something because they repeat the same moves in their own sequel.Move on people!And yes props to Ja Rule,if he topped his performance from Fast and Furious,uh,wow,cuz,uh..that was like incredible acting.Now I suppose Joel Silver is happy as a clam these days"Yeah Ya know I created the kung fu hip hop genre,that was me yeah,people want to see rap stars in action movies,they have such range,I mean you'd never mistake one brooding trash talking rap star for another.........."
It's Seagal by Boston	Jul 3rd, 2002 09:57:30 AM
Above the Law, Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, Out for Justice, Under Siege . . . that's a murderer's row of guilty pleasure action cinema for anyone who was a young teenager during 1988-1992. When Seagal passes on the pie and takes the time to work on fight choreography he creates a unique and very entertaining fight style. This could be the matinee movie event of the fall
Seagal is a bad joke by VincentSpain	Jul 3rd, 2002 10:10:43 AM
No actor, no director and aikido looks boring in action movies
Are any of his movies really that good? by SnapperHead	Jul 3rd, 2002 10:15:19 AM
And hey wasn't her retiring because of religious beliefs? The religion of too many donuts maybe but ...
Look further than Ja Rule by Soul_Assassin	Jul 3rd, 2002 10:18:55 AM
Guys please, can we get off the subject of Ja Rule and focus more on that other 'so called actor'. Stevie Segal is lame, lets face it, he fell off the stage along time ago.
huh? by PriestYoungblood	Jul 3rd, 2002 10:24:15 AM
Ja Rule outdoes his performance in Fast and the Furious? Well, that shouldn't be hard. Fucking parking meters in that movie acted better than he did. Ja Rule B-L-O-W-S. And Segal, oy veh is he awful. I'll watch Under Seige because I love Busey and Jones in it, but other than that - he's pretty bad. I think the guy above me is right, this is a fuckin' plant. This can't be right. If Steven's movie with DMX sucked (and it sucked big time), this can't be any better, since DMX is much cooler than Ja look-how-skinny-my-punk-ass-is Rule. And DMX couldn't act either.
"What does it take to change the essence of a man?" by Osmosis Jones	Jul 3rd, 2002 10:33:54 AM
God, On Deadly Ground was freakin' hilarious.
On Deadly Ground. by statto4ever	Jul 3rd, 2002 10:35:47 AM
My favourite bad line from ODG is, 'God damn it forest, there's been another fire'. Delivered by Caine in a manner that Shatner would be proud of.
Double Team by Max Rockatansky	Jul 3rd, 2002 10:42:53 AM
Wouldn
Will Sasso + Seagall's album by Tar Heel	Jul 3rd, 2002 10:46:21 AM
I can't take Seagall seriously anymore after all of Will Sasso's perfect deadpan impressions of him on Mad TV. "This is Steven Seagall's America!" Wasn't SS making some album in the Carribean with Wyclef Jean? That should put the fear of God in William Shatner (nudge, nudge, say no more).
I'd rather watch a Seagal film than most of today's Holl by Abyss	Jul 3rd, 2002 10:53:46 AM
Yes he's fat, yes he's got a stupid haircut, yes he'll never win an oscar and has only really got about 2 facial expressions... but would you say any of that to his face? Point is, Seagal is EASILY the most convincing cinematic hardman of the last 15-20 years. Nic Cage or Bruce Willis or whoever make enjoyable well-acted action movies, but they just don't convince as real deal genuine article tough bastards, and would likely shit their pants in a real life "situation". Not Seagal though. The man is absolutely in his element when firing a gun, or busting out some wicked Aikido moves and taking some bad guys fucking head right off. The fight scenes (especially in his earlier films) are excellent, none of that Jet-Lee-prancing-about nonsense, just pure lethal devastation. Bad guy #1 gets his arm broken in 24 places and decapitated by a samurai sword, bad guy #2 gets thrown face-first through a plate glass window, bad guy #3 gets disembowelled with a corkscrew and then shoved into an industrial meat grinder, etcetcetc. Seagal is basically a Michael Myers/Jason Voorhees type serial killer in the guise of an action hero. I find myself watching his films just to see the cool new ways in which he will hurt and maim and destroy his enemies. His stubborn refusal to be some typical ass-kissing Hollywood schmoozer is worthy of admiration, and his increasingly outrageous fashion sense and love of Buddha is a constant source of amusement. Steven Seagal is pure entertainment, then. Now that he's older and a bit chunkier, I think his ideal next career move would be to play some kind of mafia/mob boss type role. It would be perfect- he was intimidating as fuck when he was playing the good guy, imagine what he'd be like as a villain...
I really liked Missy the little pony in THE PATRIOT by Blake Falls	Jul 3rd, 2002 10:54:45 AM
...that was so cute. I had tears in my eyes seeing it gallop through a rain of petals in the final.
An analysis of Ja Rule's lines in The Fast and the Furious by akbose01	Jul 3rd, 2002 11:04:33 AM
"Its not how you stand by your car, its how you race... YOUR CAR." As he fires up his engine: "Lights out!, menage'!!"" "Nigga you didn't win!"
seagal shoulda been the kingpin! by tommy5tone	Jul 3rd, 2002 11:14:02 AM
think about it! he could have packed on a few more pounds, lost the rug and kicked some ass! and re. rappers as actors: yes, ja rule sucks like kobe tai but don't diss every rappers who makes the move. cube's kicked a bunch of ass in 'boyz', '3 kings' and others, ice-t was the man in 'new jack' and the wicked cool 'trespass', DMX did OK in 'exit wounds', mos def rules, even p.diddy didn't shame himself in 'monster's ball' and 'made'. and what about the man formerly known as marky mark? dirk diggler, motherfuckers! don't take any of that to mean i think 'like mike' is gonna be any good, though - i hate that little bow wow fucker. and while i'm at it, will these rappers please learn one damn thing - you spell it L'IL, not LIL'!!! have none of them even READ 'l'il abner'?
Ja Rule easily outdid his Fast and Furious performance.... by Aronld Scazziger	Jul 3rd, 2002 11:43:16 AM
Hahahahhahaha ... that makes my day. Performance? By Ja Rule? Doesn't fit.
I'm with Boston... by Dru	Jul 3rd, 2002 11:45:07 AM
Come on people- if you're action junkies then let's just face the facts. Now follow me for a sec: if you can insult 'On Deadly Ground,' then you saw the movie. + I highly doubt that ANYONE that saw ODG saw the trailer + said, 'Hmmm, why the hell not? I've never seen a Seagal movie before- may I should give it a shot.' If you saw ODG, then you saw some of (probably ALL of) Seagal's previous movies. + those movies are to the genre what Oreos + cold pizza are to Saturday morning cartoons; ie. that little extra SOMETHING that just makes the experience worthwhile. I guarantee that a DVD box set of Seagal films would sell, if only on the strength of recapturing that time in our lives when Seagal was a bona fide action star. You can be damn sure I'd buy it, pull an all-nighter so that the pizza would be nice + cold by the time I got to 'Under Seige 2.' Out.
PS to Tommy5Tone... by Dru	Jul 3rd, 2002 11:51:42 AM
It's li'l, dude: li'l. Do not= Don't; cannot= can't; little= li'l. Out.
This isn't just a plant, it's a whole friggin' garde by zacdilone	Jul 3rd, 2002 11:53:55 AM
I love the "spoilers." A true AICN reviewer would've had spoilers like "Everybody dies but Seagal when a Hindu Temple falls on their head" or "The guy you think is the bad guy turns out to be a good guy but he's killed by the real bad guy who was good until he became bad." You know, something like that. This guy's "spoilers" are just a paragraph from the studio press sheet. No doubt he picked it up at work.
Hey, all you gay-boys!! by andrecrabtree111	Jul 3rd, 2002 12:11:02 PM
Before giving Seagal a hard time, remember this: it was his movie, Under Siege, that gave us the absolutely mesmerizing, incredible, spankalicious shot of Erica Eleniak and her amazing breasts!! I don't know if that gets him totally off the hook as far as his bad movies, but it should go a long way toward evening his score.
Aikido? by mbeemer	Jul 3rd, 2002 12:22:34 PM
Aikido is one of the less aggressive forms of the martial arts. How does how Segal fights in his films have anything to do with Aikido?
Seagal rise in direct correlation with... by ZSmooth	Jul 3rd, 2002 12:30:29 PM
Arsenio's talk show. Anyone ever notice this? When Arsenio was hot, Seagal was hot. When Arsenio went away, so did Seagal's movie success. What does this mean? As soon as Seagal becomes a draw again, Arsenio shall rise... the MYTHICAL PHOENIX!!! Thus, for the love of God... let's not give Seagal another hit. In a related note, Seagal's career slide can also be traced to the re-filling of his hairline. May both Seagal and Arsenio spend eternity trapped in a horrible movie featuring a drunken, scenery chewing Michael Caine as the villian. Not the Caine who wins Oscars. No, I mean the Michael Caine who read "Jaws IV" script and said, "Set phasers on bloody HAM, mate!"
thanks, dru by tommy5tone	Jul 3rd, 2002 12:41:56 PM
i managed to fuck myself up quite nicely there, eh? thanks for setting me straight - now let bow wow, romeo and kim know what's what as well, OK?
Abyss, WHAT?!?! by KillThrustKill	Jul 3rd, 2002 01:30:10 PM
Seagal 'most realistic hardman in the past 15 years' What??? One man - Takeshi Kitano, I would not want to meet him in an alley or any place alone or dark or both...
Plant? Probably. by SPY-der	Jul 3rd, 2002 01:56:45 PM
Hi kids. I usually don't like to call people plants, but this one just sounds kind of... suspicious. Ja Rule easily out-does his "Fast & The Furious" performance? I don't recall Ja Rule's acting being particularly praised in any of the reviews I read. I have my concerns about Segeal kicking out a good picture; I thought "Exit Wounds" was fun, but no masterpiece. Personally, "Glimmer Man" was better. I have to wonder about the review. I saw Van Damme's "Derailed" in a market screening in Cannes, and the best I can say was, "It didn't suck." (lacked logic in a couple key areas, though) I have to be weary of someone singing the praises of a Segeal rough cut. Wouldn't mind if the reviewer was dead on, but I'm not holding my breath. -- SPYder, out.
Plant - Yeah Dude, Of Course! by wmorris99	Jul 3rd, 2002 02:14:27 PM
How doe we know this is a plant? Simple, it's far too well written, none of the usual spelling mistakes due to the rush to post, well structured, good language. You dumb f**ks at whatever pit of hell spin and publicity department you work in deserve absolute contempt. Trying to create positive vibes for a Seagal film is like trying to pretend Spielberg is humble or that George Lucas writes solid gold dialogue. Almost as bad as the Crossroads is actually good plant, as believable as Geroge W having a brain.
Not convincing there bud by Vern	Jul 3rd, 2002 03:08:31 PM
Look, I would be the FIRST to admit if Seagal made a good movie. In fact I enjoyed the shit out of ON DEADLY GROUND for all its cornball enviro-preachiness. Remember that scene where he stood up to Mike Starr for being racist and Mike Starr eventually ended up crying and admitting that he was a flawed human being? That's fuckin Cinema man. BUT, this review is completely unconvincing. It is obviously written either by a) an indiscriminating teenage boy who likes any movie he sees for about a week and then forgets about it or b) an intern for the studio trying to appear to be a. The number one giveway is that he first says the movie is not your typical action movie and then describes a typical action movie, even comparing the effects to the Matrix. The number two giveaway is that this motherfucker remembers who Ja Rule played in THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS and considers it to be a "performance". I looked this up and it turns out, he was that guy who had like two lines about how he wanted to get laid. I believe he was sitting in a car, if that helps. He was some sort of car driver, I believe.
great title,great plot + seagal = box office gold! by Not The Messiah	Jul 3rd, 2002 03:37:44 PM

great title,great plot + seagal = box office gold! by Not The Messiah	Jul 3rd, 2002 03:37:44 PM

great title,great plot + seagal = box office gold! by Not The Messiah	Jul 3rd, 2002 03:37:45 PM

great title,great plot + seagal = box office gold! by Not The Messiah	Jul 3rd, 2002 03:37:45 PM

oops my bad! by Not The Messiah	Jul 3rd, 2002 03:38:52 PM
damn comp,previous post(s) was good ol sarcasm btw :D
this is so obvious a plant that I am laughing out loud by stuftseveredhead	Jul 3rd, 2002 05:10:48 PM
It was written by some lowly second assistant at the production company, given to him as an assignment by the idiot aging producer who is so clueless about movie geeks he thinks we wont be able to figure this out. You can tell by the way it's written, I bet he even took it to his boss, let him proofread it, and then the boss goes "you need to add something about nia peeples kicking ass" it's crap written by a young naive little assistant in hollywood. How do i know? I used to be one.
The funny thing about Seagal's work is they surpass the prev by Tarl_Cabot	Jul 3rd, 2002 05:22:39 PM
I thought "Marked for death" was rock bottom. Then "Out for Justice" came out and was the undisputed champion of shittyness. And then "On deadly Ground" and I'm embarrassed to admit it but i saw "the Glimmer man" on cable.And eventually Seagal's '97 "The Patriot" was the worst of them all. Tom Siezmore said "Seagall set acting back 200 years". He also said he'd never work with him. ever. I laughed one day in a video store when I discovered he actually went on to work with S.S.
Nia Peeples . . . by ProzacMorris	Jul 3rd, 2002 05:24:48 PM
Does anyone remember Nia Peeples from the MTV show "Street Party"? She has always been one of the hottest ladies that never really went anywhere, or at least as far as she could go. Maybe starring in this flick will do the same for her that it did for Jill Hennessey in "Exit Wounds" (i.e. Crossing Jordon)
Ahh, good old steven by TS Thomas	Jul 3rd, 2002 05:39:40 PM
While he obviously ain't a great actor I get a pretty good kick out of his films that I've seen, well most (Not under siege 2, uggh). He just goes around & beats the crap outta guys. smacks teeth out of some guy using a pool ball with a towel wrapped around, etc. Classy ;)
a great idea... by sigma957	Jul 3rd, 2002 05:52:08 PM
ok....lets have ass kickin has beens movie....lets put SS up against Jeff Speakman...different styles of matial arts....same shitty acting....and throw in Michael dudikoff for shits and giggles... ok...i admit i liked under seige...good flick (mostly cause it wasnt all "you know grasshopper?"....and seeing SS die in Exec Des. was fun.....hell....if i were still 16 i might care, but not anymore....
ProZack by sigma957	Jul 3rd, 2002 05:53:57 PM
yo Prozack.....how bouts a nice nia/jill lesbian porn?....that do it for ya?.....i know it would work for me
I agree, this review has to be a plant. Nobody can possibly enjo by Tarl_Cabot	Jul 3rd, 2002 06:12:15 PM
His first movie was pretty damn good. He should have just played Nico for the rest of his career. It was the most interesting, believable character and offered the most possibilities for future installments. His career was destroyed after his first follow up to "Above the Law". He had his head up his ass and intimidated everyone around him so nobody told what he needed to hear. Everybody that has worked with him has said he's an A-hole. Everybody. Fuck him. Jet Li would tear him a new one anyway.
PORNO IS A MAN NAMED SEAGAL by TomVee	Jul 3rd, 2002 06:35:59 PM
Seagal has had several worthy moments in his mostly half-baked movies: the incredible close-in fighting with that evil Asian twin-drug dealer in MARKED FOR DEATH (or was it OUT FOR JUSTICE?); the arm-breaking scene in UNDER SIEGE and the credit card-throat-slashing scene in GLIMMER MAN. Hot dog! Almost as good as porno! In fact, it is a form of porno! It's all about the money shots, babee!!!
The best interrogation of Seagal's screen persona can be fou by SHIVA	Jul 3rd, 2002 07:24:26 PM
"Vaguely repulsive looks and acting skills honed at the School of Make-Arnold Schwarznegger-look-like-a-memb er-of-the-Royal-Shakespeare-Co mpany."
Seagal is A DUMB MOFO for that hypocritical and idiotic speech a by FD Resurrected	Jul 3rd, 2002 07:37:55 PM
Here's the transcript of Steven Seagal's longer version of speech that was trimmed down to a few minutes in the finale of On Deadly Ground after he went on a rampage of violence and mayhem. ODG is one of the worst action movies ever made, and it's on par with Cool As Ice and Plan 9 From Outer Space as the most unintentionally hilarious movie ever made. I believe in environmentalism, but Seagal's speech is just plain stupid and utterly embarassing. Be prepared to retch in your barf bag. Remember the spirit of Billy Jack - BEGINS THE POM-POM SPEECH: How many of you out there have heard of alternative engines? Engines that can run on anything from alcohol to garbage and water? Or carburetors that can get hundreds of miles to the gallon? Or electric or magnetic engines that can practically run for ever? You don't know about them because if they were to come into use, they'd put the oil companies out of business. The concept of the internal combustion engine has been obsolete for fifty years. But because of the oil cartels and corrupt government regulations we, and the rest of the world, have been forced to use gasoline for over one hundred years. Big business is primarily responsible for destroying the water we drink, the air that we breathe and the food we eat. They have no care for the world they destroy. Only for the money they make in the process. How many oil spills can we endure? Millions and millions of gallons of oil are now destroying the oceans and the many forms of life it supports. Among these is plankton, which supplies 60 to 90 percent of the earth's oxygen, which supports the entire marine eco-system which forms the basis of our planet's food supplies. But the plankton is dying. I thought well, let's go to some remote state or country, anywhere on earth. But in doing a little research I realized these people brought their toxic waste all over the world. They basically control the legislation, and in fact they control the law. The law says that no company can be fined over $25,000 a day. For a company making $10 million a day by dumping lethal toxic waste into the ocean it's only good business to continue doing this. They influence the media so that they can control our minds. They make it a crime to speak out for ourselves. And if we do so, we're called conspiracy nuts. We're laughed at. We're all angry because we're all being chemically and genetically damaged, and we don't even realize it. Unfortunately this will affect our children. We go to work each day and right under our noses we see our car and the car in front of us spewing noxious and poisonous gasses that are cumulative poisons. These poisons kill us slowly, even when we see no effect. How many of us would have believed if we were told twenty years ago that on a certain day we wouldn't be able to see fifty feet in front of us? That we wouldn't be able to take a deep breath because the air would be a mass of poisonous gas? That we wouldn't be able to drink out of our faucets, that we'd have to buy water out of bottles? The most common and God given rights have been taken away from us. Unfortunately the reality of our lives is so grim nobody wants to hear it. Now I have been asked what we can do. I think we need a responsible body of people that can actually represent us rather than big business. This body of people must not allow the introduction of anything into our environment that is not absolutely biodegradable or able to be chemically neutralized upon production. And finally, as long as there is profit to be made from the polluting our earth, companies and individuals will continue to do what they want. We have to force these companies to operate safely and responsibly, with all our best interests in mind, so that when they don't we can take back our resources and our hearts and our minds to do what's right.
Great on-line parody of On Deadly Ground by FD Resurrected	Jul 3rd, 2002 07:45:02 PM
A Critique of 1978 Lord of the Rings (http://flyingmoose.org/tolksa rc/bakshi/bakshi.htm) and Seanbaby.com aside, this is the most hilarious critical assessment of a particular film I've seen on the net so far - http://www.jabootu.com/ondeadl yground.htm Check it out.
The path to buddhist enlightenment is littered with corpses of S by Abyss	Jul 3rd, 2002 07:47:51 PM
http://members.tripod.com/~Und erSiege/
My favorite eye-rolling scene from On Deadly Ground was... by BloodDonorMan	Jul 3rd, 2002 08:34:53 PM
when Seagal was having a vision and he enters a cave with two tunnels. One tunnel leads to an old Indian woman and the other leads to a hot, young and naked Pocahontas-type chick bathing in a hot spring. This voice suddenly tells Seagal "Choose Wisely" and he goes to the old woman and starts to talk to her about saving the enviroment or how to break some guy's skull with a jock strap and a bowling pin or how to kill a man instantly with a Mont Blanc or some such silly shit. All I remember is thinking "YEAH, RIGHT!", this from the same man who tried to lure Jenny McCarthy to the casting couch and ditched Kelly LeBrock because her lips lost their luster due to age and weren't as good for oral sex as before!
hey, vern, thanks for reminding me about seagal versus starr! by tommy5tone	Jul 3rd, 2002 09:42:05 PM
that's one of the finest moments in method acting AND motion picture history right there! ever since that moment, mike starr has been referred to as "the big balls guy".
Seagal sucks by SLEAZY DINOSAUR	Jul 4th, 2002 12:55:13 AM
Remember when everybody thought Seagal and Van Damme were gonna be the next generations Stallone and Arnold? Boy am I glad people were smart enough to realize how bad these yam heads were. I did like Under Siege, but imagine how much better it would of been with a real action star in it. I was in the Navy when it came out, boy the mess cooks loved that movie lol. I've tried to avoid most of Seagals and Van Dammes movies, but when I was stationed overseas, you would pretty much watch whatever came out. Out for justice was just amazingly bad, although the bar fight was almost worth the price of admission, I especially liked how he took on everyone in the bar, and all the hooligans were polite enough to take him on one at a time. The part that was cool was when he beat the guy up with a cue ball. I wisely chose not to see On deadly ground, boy from the sound of it, it was pretty bad, I would almost see it just for a laugh, but I'm afraid that I could never take Michael Caine seriously again. I'm waiting for Seagal and Van Damme to appear in a movie together, you know it's going to happen, that will officially be the worst movie ever made, I wonder if Hollywood will continue to make movies after that, or just throw their hands up in disgust and move on to other careers.
So is that the title or a description of the careers of it's by kodiak_j	Jul 4th, 2002 04:09:36 AM
Nia Peeples? Steven Seagal? Ja Rule? Morris Chestnut (a badass??? HAHA) Kurupt? Oh man is this gonna be bad!
eye rolling scene from On Deadly Ground by Mandolorian	Jul 4th, 2002 12:35:44 PM
"I didn't want to resort to violence, I didn't have a choice"
Bring on Above the Law 2 by Mandolorian	Jul 4th, 2002 12:45:05 PM
Seagal was at his best when he first started out. He actually acted in Above the Law and he did as good a job as any other action star of the eighties. He was new, hungry and eager to make a good first impression. There were no beads, no Eskimo seal-skinned coats or any deep rooted political message. He just kicked ass and showed how good a true martial artist could be. At that point, he had the potential to surpass Willis, or Arnold as one of the most influential action stars of his generation. It always breaks my heart when I walk through the video store and see his direct to video shit that was shot in a week and wound up in the stores by another. Under Siege was another good film that proved that even a decent actor can become better under the instruction of a talented director such as Andrew Davis. If he has any hope in restoring his career, he needs to lose fifty pounds, get himself back into the gym and find that hunger that he showed so well in Above the Law.
After i posted yesterday my friend decided to show me under sieg by scorpio2nd	Jul 4th, 2002 01:04:12 PM
1. When the two trains collide at the end, do we see, for a brief moment, the driver of the other, innocent, train smile? 2. Why, when the trains explode, do they seem to go up in flames as if every nuclear explosive on the planet had been on board, with a hydrogen bomb to boot. 3. Are we supposed to believe that the weedy main villian is a plausible threat to Segal in any way? 4. Why, when the film ended, was i coughing up blood? All replies will be appreciated.
Ah i see now NewYorkKid. I hated My Father The Hero at first be by scorpio2nd	Jul 4th, 2002 02:38:59 PM

Did anyone hear this Seagal anecdote? about the $1,000,000 bet? by jackburtonlives	Jul 4th, 2002 09:18:24 PM
apparently the martial arts community was so pissed off at seagal for injuring stuntmen and shooting his mouth off that a group of actors and martial artists (headed by bob wall and benny "the jet" unquidiz) actually offered to fight him, no holds barred, for a purse of one million dollars. (the group consisted of over 50 prominent martial artists and stuntmen) seagal refused saying that his moves were "too deadly". wall called him up and seagal allegedly said, "if you come here, i'll shoot you!". say what? this is a "deadly martial artist". sounds like mr. tough guy is afraid to put it on the line. if this story is true. anyone else hear this one?
I truly believe every word of this JackBurtonLives. I also beli by scorpio2nd	Jul 4th, 2002 09:38:44 PM
However, i seriously think you should make some calls and start making this story into a HBO movie of the week. I cannot tell you how much i would pay to see 50 martial arts guys take on Segal at once (even if it was just someone else playing him), and to top it off, the fight would feature that fabulous score from 'Monkey'. I actually have a Steven Segal commemarative plate, no really, it's one of those ones that follows you around the room with it's eyes. Would you like one? Erm, guys, anyone want one? Guys, hello, anyone?
sorry scorpio dude, you misunderstood by jackburtonlives	Jul 4th, 2002 10:56:08 PM
i didn't express myself clearly. the bet was not to take on all 50 at once but ANY ONE of the fifty. i read it in some martial arts magazine a few years back, though maybe someone can confirm if this is fact or fiction. the challenge to seagal was apperently advertised in several prominent hollywood mags. if it is fact, seagal is a bit of a panty-waist, not only because he refuses to fight a fair fight (most of the group were pissed off stuntmen) but the fact is some of them (i.e. benny urquidez) would give up 50 lbs or so to seagal. it would seem to be easy money for stevie. but seagal ignored the challenge. is the sad truth that maybe seagal was in a ring facing a 140lb man, then he would really be ON DEADLY GROUND?
michael dudikoff by jackburtonlives	Jul 4th, 2002 11:15:23 PM
sigma, that michael dudikoff quip killed me. anyone know what dudikoff is doing nowadays? i guess his film career sort of died after the viewing public got tired of american ninja, american yakuza, american Triad, ad nauseum. the coup de grace was when the only good thing about that series, steve james, died tragically. now there was an actor. classically trained and adding dignity and weight to the america ninja series, he will be sorely missed. when will the world be treated to an actor of his scope and talent??? In steve's now immortal words, "COME ON YA' MIDGETS, I CAN TAKE YA ALL!!!". excuse me while i go to the steve james tribute site and spend a few hours in deep prayer and meditation. jack out.
Look no farther: STEVE JAMES IS HERE!!! by stevejamesninja	Jul 5th, 2002 12:56:36 AM
okay, i think it's time i came out of the woodwork, so to speak. that "steve james death thing" was a ruse, my friend. i realized I had reached superstar status with the AMERICAN NINJA series. i faked my death for two reasons: (1) Dudikoff. that little whitie shit was crapping his pants, as i had clearly upstaged him, both in technical ninja skills and most of all in SCREEN PRESENCE, (2) my agent told me that death would be the best career move i could make. to tell the truth, i had reached such a pinnacle of success that i couldn't go any higher, baby. but, despite a few moving web tribute sites, my death hasn't sparked the sort of cult following i was counting on. SO STEVE JAMES IS COMIN' BACK! move over ya midgets! i'm gonna be acomin' with a vengence! watch for me in cinemas everywhere. steve james is back, baby. for my first film i'm going to take on vandamme and whip his frenchie ass. i can't wait. i've been pumping iron big time and I AM TWICE THE SIZE i was in AN I, II and III. payback is sweet.
The Seagal "versus 50 martial arts guys" story sounds like a loa by Abyss	Jul 5th, 2002 11:11:18 AM
If those stuntmen were really so pissed off why didn't they just challenge Seagal at the time he supposedly ruffed em up, instead of getting together with 50 other loser/no-name/wannabe tough guys, to put forward a pathetic "challenge" to The Great One. Don't make me laugh! You question Seagal's credentials? Seagal was teaching the Japanese their own martial arts when bennie da jet was still huffin loads in some backwater shanty town just to make ends meet. The world and its fuckin dog can criticize Seagal from afar, but once- JUST ONCE- I'd like to see someone talk shit like that to his face. Ain't gonna happen.
Seagal's Lowest Point by Jeffem	Jul 5th, 2002 05:10:38 PM
I'm no big fan, but for the main part, Seagal's made plenty of mindless-but-fun action flix with acceptable production values. When I watched 'Ticker' though, I felt genuine dismay seeing him in such a piece of inept, poorly directed/ edited/written dross - even Dolph Lundgren would say no to something as incompetent as this. It was even more shocking to find Tom Sizemore co-starring. What on earth possessed them? 'Ticker' rates alongside that other moment of movie despair - seeing Mickey Rourke in 'Point Blank'.
DoEs SeaGaL biTChsLAP bAD gUYs? by Louis P.	Jul 6th, 2002 02:14:47 AM
That's all I wanna really know. That's all he does in every film. Seagal slaps guys around then stabs them with something. As far as Ja Rule doing a better job here then in "Fast". Is that supposed to be a compliment?
Seagal's Credentials by jackburtonlives	Jul 6th, 2002 06:11:24 AM
seagal apparently didn't teach aikido to the japanese, he was dating the daughter of a sensei in tokyo. there's a slight difference. in fact, his whole resume fell apart sometime after his first movie. all that stuff about being a "CIA operative" a "black belt in karate", etc turned out to be bull. i'm inclined to believe the story about the challenge. hell, if there was a fight between michael dudikoff and seagal i bet the odds would be 1:1. notice how seagal started sporting a black suitcoat for every scene? it's because of his ever increasing paunch. and he obviously wears a hair weave. his physique is falling apart as rapidly as his resume.
In response to Jackburtonlives by Buscemi 01	Jul 6th, 2002 03:28:20 PM
Seagal DID teach Aikido to the Japanese. True is he didn't "open" a own dojo there but took over his father in law's. Seagal's a 7th degree black belt in Aikido, a title you can't buy. And as far as I know he holds also blackbelts in Judo, Karate and Jiujitsu. You don't have to like him but he's no doubt a great and recognized Martial Artist. About the CIA stuff, well. Believe what you want. The Media lies a lot or twists things how they need them.
My Opinion of Seagal by jackburtonlives	Jul 7th, 2002 12:32:40 AM
everything said above is true. seagal did live in japan. he does speak japanese. he is good at aikido. but that's where the list of good things about him end. the talkbacker who said "seagal is basically a serial killer, cutting off people's kinds, breaking multiple bones and getting away with it", is right on the money. yes, he is tough. yes, he is an asshole. if that earns him respect in some people's books i guess he can go on making films and rubbing thousands of dollars of cocaine into the genitalia of escorts, but it all comes to the question: IS THIS AIKIDO???? IS THIS YOUR ROLE MODEL??? and he is buddies with the dalai lama??? the whole thing is just hilarious.
Seagal/Bob Wall Challenge Link by jackburtonlives	Jul 7th, 2002 12:54:17 AM
it is true. i found the link. http://www.blackbeltmag.com/ar chives/blackbelt/1992/dec92/po litical/political.html Bob Wall and a group of martial artists and stuntmen challenged seagal to a no-holds-barred fight to show that seagal was all hot air and an aging wind-bag. seagal refused the challenge. 1 million dollars was the stake. but when it comes down to it: who cares? i don't understand admiration for the tysons and seagals of this world. they're warped people, people you don't want to meet, the guys who grab your girlfriend's ass at a bar when he's with his 20 buddies and dares you to do something about it. when he's in a position of power he's in your face. but if challenged by someone who has a shadow of a chance of winning... that's another story. he goes running for his mommie. the article claims the whole thing was a cynical move by wall to get free publicity (WALL needs it: he's as much of an asshole as seagal though not as famous). but it's true, numerous stuntmen are always injured on seagal's films in his drive for "realism"... and maybe because he gets off on it. and a talkbacker asked, "if stuntmen are injured, why don't they complain?". well, they did! read the link. they challenged him, even though stuntmen are reticent to complain about "getting hurt" as it might hurt their reputations and hiring prospects. and seagal is a master of AIKIDO ("the gentle art") and a BUDDHIST and FRIENDS WITH THE DALAI LAMA??? is anyone other than good old jackburtonlives not buying this crap!!!!! seems i'm all on my own in this talkback!!!! jack always says at a time like this, "..what the hell". but in the end, who cares?
but who cares? by jackburtonlives	Jul 7th, 2002 06:10:31 AM
because seagal will go on like the hack he is, hacking out film after film and slamming his paunch against the pubes of US$1,000/night escorts a la charlie sheen, so my comments don't really matter.
you've got to let these thing go, man! by Abyss	Jul 7th, 2002 12:29:29 PM
Just accept that you've lost the argument, and that if Seagal was here he would kick your ass.
all right, abyss and NYKid, old jack says uncle by jackburtonlives	Jul 7th, 2002 07:33:46 PM
okay, abyss and new york kid, i give. you're probably right. it's better i drop this thing now. you never know, van damme and seagal may come looking for me. seagal will hold me down while van damme hits me with one of his triple kicks BAM!BAM!BAM! boy, you don't even know if you've been hit three times or if you're only seeing it three times. and then seagal will snap my bones like twigs and say a buddhist mantra over my twitching body. YEP, time for old jack to move on (DAMN! i thought that link would win me this argument... go figure). think i'll move on to the KILL BILL article. David Carradine, now there's a martial artist MUUHAHAHAHAHH! ahh... since steve james, michael dudikoff's sidekick, passed away the good martial artists are hard to come by.

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