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Elston Gunn's WEEKLY RECAP

FIRST by OompahLoompah	Mar 25th, 2002 05:17:05 PM
BOO YAH I IS FOIST
It's Chariots of Fire V. Raiders of the Lost Ark by Rialto	Mar 25th, 2002 05:25:35 PM
Still it's bad either way.
You don't know shit about Russell Crowe. by Cash Bailey	Mar 25th, 2002 05:36:34 PM
Australians do. You should see him when he does interviews here. Foreigners will never see the REAL Russell Crowe, who is as funny, charming and humble as a person with his talent could ever be. If he's shitty or defensive it's because American media assholes and sychophantic Hollywood ass-kissers disgust him as they would any normal person. Russell Crowe has never had a go at anyone who didn't fuck with him to get a rise out of him. Yes, he's got a temper, but it's only an intolerance for foolish, ignorant Hollywood types. He's got no patience for the bullshit, ego-stroking and deception that defines the film-making process and he's quick to put in their place anyone who tries that shit on with him. Ask any Aussie and you'll find that we all think that Big Russ is a top bloke, and not just because he's a star but because of his lack of pretension, his honesty and and his refusal to build himself up to the level that others want him to, and that DEFINES the very essense of the Antipodean character. GIVE 'EM HELL, RUSS, YOU FUCKING LEGEND!!!
y'know, Cash... by omarthesnake	Mar 25th, 2002 06:17:58 PM
I'm willing to believe most of that. I want it to be true. But anytime someone pins down an awards show producer and starts yelling him down with this 'I'll make sure you never work in Hollywood!' bullshit, I have to say fuck him. To hell with anyone who thinks they're so important they can dictate the future career of some poor sap who has displeased them. I hope that was a momentary lapse in judgement/reason/common sense/common decency/common courtesy, and that Russell is indeed a kewl dude. But he's got to rebuild his coolness rating. His cordial behavior at last night's Oscars, as opposed to last year when he came across as such an uptight prig, was a good start.
I dont' HAVE to know Russell Crowe... by TheBlairZip	Mar 25th, 2002 06:18:07 PM
...to know that his music is pure unadulterated SHIT! He has to be the absolute WORST singer I have ever heard in my life...except for Richard Harris, of course. And besides, Crowe went off on a BRITISH television director, not American. I've yet to hear him be rude to an American reporter or TV personality.
lil' Bow wow in "Like Mike" and Lil' Romeo in "Shorty" by 81666	Mar 25th, 2002 06:30:02 PM
THIS IS FUCKING COCNUTS!!!!
I Am Legend is not... by Shaithis_77	Mar 25th, 2002 06:32:23 PM
...about mutants!!!!!! It's about vampires!!!! If they change it, like they did in Omega Man, It would be a travisty. Not to say Omega Man sucked, just I want vampires. Thank you.
Buzz Maverik's Weekly Recap... by Buzz Maverik	Mar 25th, 2002 07:41:24 PM
TAKEN FROM THE BIBLE...Paul Anderson will take a break between RESIDENT EVIL 5: GLAD TO BE WORKING and RESIDENT EVIL 6: I NEVER THOUGHT MY CAREER WOULD TURN OUT LIKE THIS to direct SHEEPDIP for Dreamworks. This road pic, written by Buddy Comedy, will star James Van Der Beek as a brainwashed Lee Harvey Oswald as he is set up as an insane commie and lead through a series of deadend jobs in the rural south during the early '60s. The film will focus on the relationship of his MKULTRA operators David Ferry (Steve Buscemi, completely hairless for the part) and Clay Shaw (Steve Martin). Christina Ricci co-stars as Oswald's wife Marina... In addition to A SCANNER DARKLY, Steven Soderbergh and George Clooney have bought the rights to Phillip K. Dick's 1969 novel I THINK I KNOW I'M ME...Robert Zemeckis and Tom Greene will co-direct THE ABSINTHE HOUSE about a club in turn of the century N'Orleans famous for serving a brain damaging, aphrodisical liqueur. In a sure to be controversial move, the characters played by Tommy Lee Jones, John Malkovitch, Uma Thurman and Winona Ryder in the first half of the movie will be played by Adam Sander, Rob Schnieder, Darryl Hannah and Lara Flynn Boyle after the absinthe is supposed to have done its damage...Steve Guttenberg returns to the silver screen in POLICE ACADEMY 2002: RAMPART STREET. "We'll be seeing a new, more brutal and corrupt but just as fun loving Officer Mahoney," Guttenberg promised...Finally, David Fincher will reteam with Brad Pitt, Edward Norton and Helena Bonham Carter for MACON COUNTY LIBRARY, a throwback to the good ol' boy vs. evil cracker flick of the '70s. Norton will play a trucker named Hooey, with Pitt as Slide, his swamper; and Carter as Mahalia Hooey's girl who has thing going with Slide on the side. When Hooey forgets to return a copy of NINE STORIES by J.D. Salinger to the main branch of the Macon County Library, he runs afoul of brutal, redneck librarian Bubba Beauseaulierollue (Tommy Lee Jones). There's massive fines, the burning of Hooey's library card, Mahalia's near rape behind the card catalogue, the smashing of Slide's hand in a dictionary. Finally, with Hooey dead, Slide and Mahalia escape in Hooey's Dodge Charger, pursued by Bubba in a super-charged bookmobile...See you at any library outside of Macon County.
Why does Michael Bay ruin everything? by OZOMATLI	Mar 25th, 2002 07:55:44 PM
I'm am speechless after reading this. Michael Bay and Will Smith are sooo wrong for "I am Legend". We don't need swooping camera shots and all his magic hour masturbation to bastardize Matheson's brilliant novel. Get an up-and-coming director to treat the material with the respect that it deserves, not Michael "I'll do anything for a dollar" Bay. Maybe if we can convince Dominic Sena to get back to his "Kalifornia" roots, he'd be great for the job. Who the hell is his agent? If not an up-and-comer, why not George Romero? Who would be better for the most intense vampire story of all, the genius behind "Night of the Living Dead" or the asshole who brought us "Pearl Harbor"?!? Will Smith is simply too young, he can act, when he has strong direction, but the role needs to go to an older character actor. How about William Sadler? He'd be absolutely perfect. I hate what Hollywood is doing. Fuck I hate it.
This has probably been mentioned before, but.... by Terry_1978	Mar 25th, 2002 08:00:11 PM
has anyone noticed how similar Guillermo Del Toro and Harry look? They could be twins, for God's sake!!!!
Oh so now everyone hates Crowe... by BigTuna	Mar 25th, 2002 08:23:47 PM
I remember just a couple of years ago when everyone fucking loved Russell Crowe. He was the best thing since sliced bread. Every film role for an upcoming movie that was discussed, Crowe's name was mentioned. Of course, now that everyone else has discovered cRowe and he's become a movie star who makes 20 million for a film and has an oscar, it's suddenly not cool to like him and he sucks.
Chili K. got fristed! by holidill	Mar 25th, 2002 08:46:08 PM
nuff said!
Whatever happened to... by holidill	Mar 25th, 2002 08:47:19 PM
that movie where cowboys or Native Americans take on an invading force of aliens in the old west? Wouldn't that be cool?
My dead Grandmother knows her shit better than this plonker.... by lostvegabrother	Mar 25th, 2002 09:02:32 PM
OK the academy got to you since "Chariots of Fire" vs "Empire"? "Empire" for the record was 1980. It was'nt nominated for much more than minor categories. Best Picture that year was "Ordinary People", and the Academy stuffed it that year, not that "People" was a bad flick, they just missed the masterpiece that "Raging Bull" was (& denied Scorsese a deserved Oscar for Redford instead). Now "Chariots of Fire" was 1981, as someone pointed out they stuffed that year by not giving "Raiders" the gold. The next year of course they stuffed again by giving the Oscar to "Gandhi", not "ET". So if that's been getting to you for 20 years, you've been upset over the wrong bloody thing! FTR Crowe as pointed out previously is a complete plonker, and an embarrassment to all New Zealanders. The Aussies can have him, he's got an identity crisis anyway, and will no doubt be telling everyone he's American soon after he spends a couple of months in a row over there. He might have won an Oscar for "The Insider" if it was'nt for Lester Burnham, probably THE best written lead acting role of the 90's (if not ever). Crowe was intense in "Insider", and I do believe they handed him last years Gold ONLY because they did'nt want Hanks to have 3 yet, and they knew he'd been ripped the year before. Come On people! Maximus was a REAL acting stretch wasn't it? There was NO WAY Crowe was ever going to win for "Mind", Hoffman won for that role at the 1989 ceremony for '88s "Rainman"... I was so waiting for Crowe to say "82, 82, 82, 246 toothpicks. I need to get my boxer shorts from K Mart in Cincinnati....Oh Oh fart...."
AICN Movie by Zarles	Mar 25th, 2002 09:18:34 PM
Sounds great. Who plays Harry? My money's on Keanu or Freddie Prinze Jr. in a "pleasantly plump" suit... :)
HAUNTED MANSION - GHOST DAD 2!!!! by lostvegabrother	Mar 25th, 2002 09:18:39 PM
Maybe we will get "Leonard Part 7" yet!
Oscars - Who gives a rip by erichg	Mar 25th, 2002 10:24:04 PM
For starters, Fellowship is indeed a great movie . . . I had it as a honorable mention on my list of Best Films of 2001. The critics who complain that LOTR is narrative heavy and difficult to follow over the first half of the movie are correct. Christ, there is a ton of backstory. However, the film is also a loving adaption that ultimately contains the same problems as the source material. Frankly, it was a lucky break that the movie garnered so many Oscar nods. Firstly, the Academy doesn't like fantasy films. Secondly, the above-mentioned quirks found in the flick are enough to hold it back. Having said that: ultimately, who cares about this craziness? How often does the Academy acknowledge the best movies of the year anyway? Ah, NEVER!!!Memento or Ghost World are just as deserving as any other best picture. Think of it this way: the Academy Awards included a Best Animated category and Waking Life was not nominated. That speaks volumes. Lastly, Fellowship is the weakest book in the trilogy. Point blank. Peter Jackson managed to turn it into a grand epic anyway. Not a complete homerun, but it's as close as anyone will come. As is the case with the books, the next two movies will be head and shoulders better than the first. So, for people who put stock in the Oscars: be happy that Fellowship was nominated at all. The next installments are going to rock. Perhaps those big awards are on the way. For people who could care less about the Academy Awards: hey, Fellowship is just another good film passed over come ceremony time.
M. Bay is the worst by erichg	Mar 25th, 2002 10:43:41 PM
Michael Bay could possibly be the worst director of all time. He's the kind of guy who would defend his work by saying: "Hey, my films make money." Great!!! That argument is like comparing an individuals worth totally on the basis of what's in their bank book. Like some CEO of an Enron-type company is a better person than, let's say, Gandhi because of earnings. Anyway, the only reason Bay gets directing assignments is because studios don't hand out big budgets to autuers (I hope I spelled that right). Good film makers are stuck doing smaller pictures because these big entertainment assembly line companies don't want people who will put an authentic stamp on a film. No, they want directors who will stick to formulas and turn out paint-by-numbers crap. Hell, those types of movies are easier to market. Bay will do a terrible job with I Am Legend . . . It's sad, I've always thought that a great movie (The Omega Man is good, not great) could be made from Richard Matheson's novel. At one time, Ridley Scott was set to direct. Now, with Bay onboard, the dream is dead. I can see it now: mindless, almost incomprhensible, MTV-quick edit actions scenes and hokey melodrama. Where is my barf bag? For what it's worth, I've included my review of Bay's previous crapfest. Here it goes . . . Pearl Harbor is not a good movie. In fact, it's not a movie at all - it's punishment. Any film critic telling you otherwise is like George W. Bush on Jeopardy - useless. Director Michael Bay is the same genius responsible for Armageddon. That opus concerns a group of wacky oil drillers sent to destroy an asteroid on a crash course with earth. So horrible, it makes you root for the asteroid. Bay is the crown (clown?) prince of audience manipulation. It takes discipline and skill to create characters and scenes that honestly demand the viewer's attention. Instead of making an effort, Bay cheats . . . - Slow motion shots of pilots strutting along. Gee, Mr. Bay how original. I haven't seen anything that spectacular since your last movie. Newsflash: screen heroes are not heroic just because they're moving at more frames per second. - When in need of comic relief, bring on the guy with the speech impediment. Are you kidding, Mr. Bay? You want me to point and laugh at a man with a stuttering problem? A character with a handicap can be funny. Well, duh. However, when the chuckles are at the inflicted's expense, it's more sad than humorous. - Mr. Bay, you are shameless. Can't generate suspense? Quick, put a doggie in a life or death situation. Can't elicit an emotional response through straightforward storytelling? Give us a scene with children. Michael Bay is a hack . . . Pearl Harbor is a long film. I'm not sure about the running time - but, I think it is in the neighborhood of 9 hours. It's such a lengthy movie, the makers of Pearl Harbor lose track of plot points along the way. Early on, Ben Affleck's character has severe dyslexia. After 4 hours, this trait conveniently disappears. Why? While stationed in Europe, this flyboy becomes quite the poet. The letters he writes to Navy nurse girlfriend, Kate Beckinsale, are impressive. However, the long-winded sonnets are a contrived mechanism for forcing the bulk of the story upon unsuspecting filmgoers. Pearl Harbor is largely a love story - filled with unappealing people, uttering romantic drivel, doing stupid things. Since there is no investment in the live's of these characters prior to the fighting, it really doesn't matter what happens to them during the fighting. Oh yeah, the movie contains the Japanese attack on the titular naval base. Those moments are technically well made. Stuff goes boom. People run around and yell. The proceedings are slick and presented with ostensibly lofty production sensibilities. Still, the sneak attack is cold. It doesn't help that at times Bay shoots the action in a hazy, soft focus. Maybe he was trying to be artistic. It doesn't quite work as intended. Like I said, Bay is a hack. One last point: Why can't Hollywood have the courage to end a movie appropriately? The film is called Pearl Harbor. However, the Japanese aerial attack left thousands of Americans dead or wounded and the Pacific fleet in ruin . . . What a downer. The good guys have to win, right? Well, in this movie they do. The victory takes the form of the Lt. Col. James H. Doolittle-led retaliation strike against Tokyo. Everyone can leave the theater happy. All is well. Bad enough, right? Get this: the U.S. bombing raid took place only 131 days after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Pilots launched from the flight deck of the USS Hornet. Upon dropping their payloads on Japan, the twin-engine Mitchell bombers continued to mainland China - then occupied by Japan. From there, these men alluded the enemy and marched to Allied territory. In Pearl Harbor, all this is a means to wrap up the hackneyed love yarn. Who gets the girl - the intrepid Affleck or the daring Josh Hartnett? Who cares? Don't get guilted into enjoying this clunker. Pearl Harbor is junk . . . If you agree, does that mean you don't revere the past? No - it simply says that you have taste. This film is a three out of ten.
buzzzzz by jeff bailey	Mar 26th, 2002 12:32:03 AM
Buddy, I'm telling you! Stop pitching. Start writing! And really what's with you and the MKULTRA stuff?? I'm starting to get worried! But I do have to admit it's damn funny as a road movie! Why is Pimental getting a mil for crap and you aren't for pure quality. Your stuff is better then anyones!
Russ's blow-up wit that BAFTA producer was a total media bea by Cash Bailey	Mar 26th, 2002 02:08:18 AM
He went on the Australian Today Show (where he always goes to set the record straight on shit that's said about him) and told the truth about it the next day. See what I mean about how the rest of the world will never know what he's really like. There was no physical abuse or threats, but Russ cheerily admitted he did give the guy an earful, which he completely deserved.
ID Starring John Cusack by Spab	Mar 26th, 2002 03:32:06 AM
John Cusack stars in Id, a new romantic comedy. Cusack plays John Carmack, a twenty-something programming whizz who is forced to re-evaluate his life when he crashes his Ferrari. The cast features Ray Liotta as Todd Hollenshead, and Amanda Peet as John Romero.
KNIGHT RIDER!!!!! by M0nk3h	Mar 26th, 2002 07:50:07 AM
WOOHOO!!!! Tries to remember theme tune No, that's Beverly Hills Cop Tries again There we go...
Well, all these movies need werewolves in it.... by ItsOver	Mar 26th, 2002 09:05:09 AM
Really. ** You know I was almost about to agree with the guy who was complaining that if the upcoming movie adaptation of I Am Legend has mutants in it and not vampires that it would indeed be a travesty...... then I thought for a moment. Jesus, I've been online with geeks too long. ** Ordinary People is a better movie than Raging Bullshit (ok, raging bull is also a good movie, i just couldn't resist there.... both are a hell of a lot better than any movie that's won the lil' gold statue any time recently)
I am Legend turns to crap by PriestYoungblood	Mar 26th, 2002 09:10:12 AM
Will Smith? Michael Bay? I must have missed the wise cracks and sweeping camera shots complete with flag-waving in the novel. Hmmm. this is a baaaad idea. Bad. Very bad. Do ya get my point? There ain't a lot in this recap to be happy about. TWO remakes of the Wicker Man? And who the FUCK told Scott Caan to direct anything? Aw hell, we're all doomed. Priest out.
Bay of Caan by LeeScoresby	Mar 26th, 2002 10:00:00 AM
You know...I'm no Michael Bay fan, but jeebus christmas...you'd think he was responsible for the slaughtering of innocent civilians from the way that some people talk about him here. I hate Pearl Harbor as much as the next guy, but it's pointless and sad to rail against the man with such an undisguised mixture of jealousy and loathing. So what if he's going to direct I Am Legend? If it's terrible, you still have the book. You never even have to set foot in a theatre. You'll know WAAAY in advance what the movie will be like (thanks to Harry, et al.) and can decide for yourself. If you think it still sounds terrible and you go anyway, well then, you're the sucker who forks over $10 to a director you hate. That's YOUR weird sadomasochistic problem, not his. As for the guy who asked "Who the fuck told Scott Caan he could direct a movie?" The answer is: people like Steven Soderbergh (sp?), who obviously thinks enough of him to cast him in Oceans Eleven against some of the biggest stars they got out on the West Coast. A better question might be: "Who the fuck told you that you could write this kind of half-assed bitter fanboy rant? Where's the movie YOU'VE directed?" So sick of all the venom...
Gandhi deserved best picture. by rev_skarekroe	Mar 26th, 2002 10:11:39 AM
Not ET. Just had to get that off my chest. sk
Chilli... by rev_skarekroe	Mar 26th, 2002 10:29:51 AM
The AICN movie sounds AWESOME! but it would be better if Harry was crying and they had a sad song! sk
what was left out of the recap by durhay	Mar 26th, 2002 11:28:27 AM
there will be no recap due to shock over Randy Newman winning an Oscar. Also I'm returing my M.B.E due to my song COLD TURKEY SAMMICH sliding down the charts.
TheBlairZip has obviously never heard William Shatner sing "Hey by BillBrasky	Mar 26th, 2002 12:28:13 PM
That sounded like someone rammed their fist in a cat's stomach and ripped out it's spine!
I have rights by erichg	Mar 26th, 2002 03:07:39 PM
Just for the record . . . I'm a big movie person. Each time out, I tackle the prospect of catching a movie with an open mind. In fact, going in, a movie rates a 5 out of 10. Now, in the long run, I will never stick with that number. No movie can hold that middle ground. It's either good or bad (in varying degrees, of course). Also, I don't have pre-conceived notions of whether or not the film will be good or bad. I don't take a director, star, producer's track record into account. Hey, you never know what a film experience will be like until you've witnessed the finished product. Christ, I would have missed quite a few little sleeper films if I regularly thumbed my nose at the prospect of seeing them. Moving on, I see a lot of movies . . . I see a lot of different types of movies . . . This helps to better categorize motion pictures and, in the long run, put them in context. Essentially, bad films help us better respect good films. And by seeing so many films, one develops an overall understanding of the cinema without becoming an elitist. Lastly, saying someone can't trash a movie because they have never directed is a lame criticism. The filmgoer shells out their hard-earned money. Hell, you need to take out a loan just to afford to go to the movies. This fact buys the audience member the right to be critical and discriminating when it comes to movie viewing. Especially, when it comes down to an individual who devotes as much of his/her own time to a much-loved pursuit.
erichg by LeeScoresby	Mar 26th, 2002 04:03:29 PM
Well written rebuttal/explanation of your viewpoint. I absolutely agree that as a ticket buying movie-goer you have the right to be a critic. And as you describe it, you seem fairly openminded about the films you go in to see. Why then, would you choose to rail against the selection of a director who's previous work (apparently) infuriates you? Do any artist's (or human being's) past acheivements/mistakes define them AS an artist? Absolutely not. Who was excited about the initial prospect of Will Smith "The fresh prince" whooping alien ass in ID4? Nobody I knew. They all thought the movie was going to "suck" because it had that cheesy rapper in it. What about Gladiator? If I'd told you the "virtual villian" from Virtuosity was going to be in a Braveheart-ish roman gladiator movie directed by the guy who did "1492: Conquest of Paradise", what would you say? To dismiss someone based on their past and not hold hope for their future is to close yourself off from joy and from surprise. Pre-deciding you'll hate someone/something usually guarantees that you will. That's psychology. Are you willing to do that? Will it make you a better man?
LeeScoresby by erichg	Mar 26th, 2002 11:29:51 PM
Thanks for understanding my viewpoint . . . In addition to my previous post, I would like to say that I never (or, at least make every attempt not to) go into a movie with prejudice and pre-conceived convictions. Personally, I feel that peopele who do that are wrong, wrong, wrong. However, I've found that Michael Bay's track record is not good. Furthermore,I strongly feel that other directorial selections (in regard to I Am Legend) would have been more appropriate. To ground my position, I included a Pearl Harbor review with my earlier submission . . . Still, I am an optimist. Maybe, M. Bay will do a good job with the Matheson adaption. I am indeed willing to give him a chance. When I Am Legend hits the theaters, I'll see it. After all is said and done, I'll judge it on its own merits (or there lack of) . . . In the end, that film will indeed become a part of the overall discussion concerning said director's work. Thanks for the give and take concerning this issue. I enjoy the engaging dialogue. Hope to hear from you on future message boards.
Oh, I've heard Shatner 'sing', all right... by TheBlairZip	Mar 27th, 2002 10:26:51 AM
...but at least it has some comical value to it. Have you heard Richard Harris' version of "MacArthur Park"? Not only is it a ridiculous song, but he was actually trying to sing it SERIOUSLY! EEEGAH!

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