Hey folks. Capone in Chicago here, with reviews of two very different film that are both trying very hard to be entertaining. Only one succeeds in my humble estimation.


FAST AND FURIOUS
Jesus, this movie is dumber than dick cheese. I don't really have a vendetta against any of the actors in this film. Vin Diesel has been in some pretty entertaining things over the years, despite his limited range as an actor; he spends a whole lot of time looking angry and contemplative in FAST AND FURIOUS, the fourth in the turbo-charged muscle car franchise. I guess the draw here is that this is the first of the sequels that has successfully reunited the four main characters from the first film. In addition to Diesel's Dominic and his wife-beater undershirts, we have Paul Walker, whose Brian is now an FBI agent investigating an international drug ring based in Mexico. Jordana Brewster is also on hand as Dominic's sister Mia, who was Brian's love interest in the first film. And the still-crazy Michelle Rodriguez is Letty, who has been traveling the world, on the run with Dominic using their skills as drivers to commit crazy moneymaking schemes, such as stealing fuel trucks while they are still moving. If you've seen the original teaser trailer then you've seen a good chunk of this opening sequence; the movie doesn't get any better than that.

After the death of a close friend, Dominic decides it's time to return to the United States for a little vengeance, and it isn't long before he and Brian are working side by side trying to infiltrate the drug ring. The film's core problem is that I didn't give one or two shits about these two idiots solving a crime. In a film and a franchise like this, I want some motherfucking drivers racing some motherfucking cars, and I want lots of it. Fast and Furious gives us four extended races/chases (there might have been five, but it's possible I dozed off during all of the talking and missed one) and two of them are practically duplicate sequences inside a cross-border tunnel.

But you know what? I would have been willing to put up with this nonsense if there had been something resembling a script. Instead what we get from screenwriter Chris Morgan (WANTED, THE FAST AND FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT) is a serious of rogue cop clichés from Walker, schoolyard tough-guy action from Diesel, and absolutely nothing for the women to do but look pretty. I'm a big supporter of director Justin Lin (BETTER LUCK TOMORROW; TOKYO DRIFT; FINISHING THE GAME), but this is by far his worst outing. The chase scene staging is choppy and shaky to the point where it's impossible to tell which cars are crashing and which are still in play during certain races. And while I certainly think most of the main actors have the ability to act well, they certainly come off as giving terrible performances here because the writing is so bad. I wish I made it a habit of taking notes during films, because I could have scribbled down at least a dozen cringe-inducing lines from each cast member. And everyone is just taking everything so damn seriously that it was a fairly common occurrence during the screening I went to for people to laugh at some of the more earnest lines and the so-serious delivery of said lines.

FAST AND FURIOUS left me annoyed, bored, and eager to get the hell out of the theater and see something better right away. If you go in with the lowest possible expectations, you might have a good time at all the glitzy cinematography and occasional scantily clad female. And director Lin certainly has an eye for making Diesel's straining pectorals look shiny and lumpy on film under a host of tight shirts, but beyond those few high points, there's really nothing here to recommend.


ALIEN TRESPASS
For many weeks leading up to me seeing this homage to '50s sci-fi monster movies, I'd been led to believe that this was some sort of comedic spoof of the genre. The problem with spoofing films like that is that it's almost impossible to spoof something that they are often far more humorous and self-mocking in their original form than any modern take on them could ever be. It's one of the reasons I've never been a big fan of MARS ATTACKS!; what could be funnier or more entertaining than the ultra-low-budget works from the generation of filmmakers that spawned Ed Wood? So the biggest surprise in watching ALIEN TRESPASS was that it's in no way a comedy. In fact, what director R.W. Goodwin (who worked on more than 100 episodes of "The X-Files" as either writer, director, or some level of producer; and was also an executive producer on "Tru Calling") is far more impressive: he has recreated a '50s monster movie with all the trimmings, including an phenomenally hideous monster that also looks like it cost about $49.99 to create. Some of you may disagree with my assessment of this film, but I think I'm on the money here, and I had a really fun time watching this tribute to all films made with love, passion and a teeny, tiny budget.

Set in 1957, ALIEN TRESPASS opens with the obligatory fiery object hurling down toward Earth from space and landing in the California desert. Turns out the object in question contains a rampaging alien monster known as the Ghota, which movie at about a half-mile per hour and is bent on destroying all forms of life on our fair planet. The savior of the film is another alien named Urp, who takes over the body of an astronomer played by Eric McCormack, who does a great job dead-panning his lines while delivering all the necessary exposition to keep things rolling along. A young, pretty waitress (Jenni Baird) who has a crush on both the astronomer and the alien inhabiting him, assists Urp in his quest to save the world. My only complaint about the film is that I kind of wish it has been in black-and-white to add to the authenticity of this movie that feels like a long-lost science-fiction film, now found in a vault somewhere in the California desert. Alas, the film looks great in bright and shiny color, which actually makes the alien monster look just a little bit less convincing. It's a small flaw in a film that doesn't have extraordinarily high standards it's trying to match.

ALIEN TRESPASS is by no means a great movie, but the performances are note perfect, and the feel of the film is spot on. I've never been much of an Eric McCormack fan, but he's damn-near perfect, especially in his alien-invaded scientist mode. I've heard people complain that the film isn't funny, and when I heard this my heart sunk a bit. But having seen the film, I understand now that laughs are not the end game. Director Goodwin is remaking a film that was both never made before and made hundreds of times in film history, if that makes any sense. More importantly, I had a great time watching this movie and reminiscing.

-- Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com