"Dustin... when the press has a contract out, they have a contract out." - Jimmy Breslin

"There was almost no review that didn't in the first paragraph deal with the cost of the movie. That was an eye-opener - about the business, and the relationship of the entertainment press to business. ISHTAR is a very good, not very big, comedy made by a brilliant woman. And I think it's funny." - Warren Beatty

"If all of the people who hate ISHTAR had seen it, I would be a rich woman today." - Elaine May

By the time ISHTAR reached theaters on May 15, 1987, the hit had already been carried out. It was a debacle, they said; a vanity project ill-tailored to the comedic talents of its two notoriously mercurial movie stars; a bloated, lumbering indictment of all that was wrong with Hollywood during the Reagan era. $50 million for a glorified Hope-and-Crosby road picture? From the witty and urbane Elaine May? Nothing about this picture made a lick of sense.

So the critics pilloried it, sternly warning audiences that to buy a ticket to this dreck was to be complicit in the death of art. Even Roger Ebert, enemy of box office reporting, couldn't tap out his half-star excoriation without citing the budget overruns (though I'm sure Beatty was pleased that he waited until the second paragraph to address it).

Miraculously, ISHTAR narrowly won its opening weekend at the box office (barely edging out the low-budget horror flick, THE GATE), but the oppressive negativity and influx of hyped-up, critic-proof summer movies like BEVERLY HILLS COP II quickly overwhelmed it. By June, the film had stalled out with a paltry gross of $13 million domestic. And a new synonym for "flop" was born. Years later, when the budget for WATERWORLD sailed north of $150 million, the press, suspecting a new all-time stinker, dubbed it "Fishtar".

They were off on WATERWORLD (it grossed $275 million worldwide, did well in subsequent revenue windows, and launched a Universal Studios theme park attraction), and they were shamefully wrong about ISHTAR. But if you're hoping to disprove the conventional wisdom regarding the latter, you've got your work cut out: it's infrequently shown on cable and has never been released to DVD in the U.S - which is astounding when you consider that HOWARD THE DUCK, HUDSON HAWK, and the 219-minute "Director's Cut" of HEAVEN'S GATE are all readily available.

Why has Sony kept the film off the market? From a purely business perspective, it's infamous, it's got two popular stars, and David Putnam, the former studio head who reportedly badmouthed ISHTAR pre-release to spite Warren Beatty, is long gone. If Sony can handle the ignominy of belching up LEONARD PART 6 (which upset ISHTAR for the Worst Picture Razzie in 1987), they can surely stand by ISHTAR.

Until they do, those of us who unapologetically adore ISHTAR will have to make our case in the theater - and I can think of no better venue at which to voice this vigorous defense than The New Beverly. So if you're a friend of ISHTAR, or one of the unconverted, I implore you to join me on April 1st and 2nd for a special screening of this unjustly maligned classic. And just to make it worth your while (as well as your $7), we'll be following it up with John Patrick Shanley's JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO, another wonderful film that was panned for, of all things, not behaving like a studio-financed comedy should (as Shanley noted in our interview last January, he threw off critics and audiences by indulging in long-playing master shots - such temerity!).

I cannot promise that we will have any special guests at this event, but I think the movies are singular enough to justify your presence - especially if you've never seen them. Edgar Wright screened ISHTAR during his New Beverly festival a couple of years ago, and the response was incredible (despite the fact that it fired up at 1 AM after a double feature of BUGSY MALONE and PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE). And we know Dustin Hoffman's a fan. Also, May took part in a "Film Comment Selects" showing back in '06, and, if nothing else, it produced this dazzling Q&A with her old partner-in-repartee Mike Nichols. As for JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO, I haven't seen it in a theater since high school, and can't wait to see this gorgeously shot (by Stephen Goldblatt) widescreen film on the big screen again.

Would it be cool to have some company? Absolutely. But I'll be just as happy to watch these films with AICN readers as I would with... you know.

Just in case you need the extra incentive: I will be handing out a few prizes at both screenings. I will also be missing a nationally televised Cleveland Cavaliers game on April 2nd to hang with you gods among insects, so sacrifices are being made here. But telling the truth can be dangerous business. Honest and popular don't go hand-in-hand. And if you say you can play the accordion... motherfucker, bring it! That'd be some splendid pre-film music.

I'll be back later this week with essays on both films.

Faithfully submitted,

Mr. Beaks