Beaks here...

I wasn't exactly knocked out by Jared Hess's first two films (NAPOLEON DYNAMITE and NACHO LIBRE), but his latest, GENTLEMEN BRONCOS, does sound promising. Based on the viral website alone, I love the idea of FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS' Jemaine Clement playing Dr. Ronald Chevalier, a bestselling science-fiction author - of ludicrous, femme-loathing titles like CYBORG HARPIES and HAGBORGS - who swipes the idea for his latest book from an oblivious teenage fan (Michael Angarano). Throw in some extra lunacy from Sam Rockwell (as a "cyclops killing motherfucker"), and I'm more than willing to give Hess a third try.

According to the below review from Daisykiss, I'll be happy I did...

Harry, Harry, Harry,

First time, long time. You know the deal. Tonight I went to a screening of Jared Hess' new film, Gentlemen Broncos. First off, I'll say the only knowledge of the film I had going in is what is posted on the film over at IMDB. I loved Napoleon Dynamite before everyone was quoting the film and wearing Vote for Pedro shirts. I still have a tough time keeping myself from strangling people when I hear "your mom goes to college." Let's get to the film. I won't go spoiler heavy, because this is a film that I think people will enjoy more if they just go in blind to it. Not literally, but you know what I mean.

This is Jared's best movie to date. After the screening, they held a short focus group with 20 of us from the theatre, I was one of the lucky people that got to hang around. When the moderator asked me how I would describe the film to someone I would recommend it to, I told her "Gentlemen Broncos is Napoleon Dynamite on crack." It was fucking hilarious. We were told it was a work print, the music/coloring isn't final, yada yada yada, but I hope they don't change a damn thing about it.

The movie is about Ben, a late teen/early 20's kid who writes fantasy stories. Whacked the fuck out, cyclops, testicle stealing, deer stag with machine guns, whacked the fuck out. Ben goes off to a writing camp where he meets Tabatha and Lonnie, two other students who are also inspiring writers. The camp he goes to is featuring Ben's favorite writer Chevalier. Chevalier collects writing from everyone in the class, offering a prize for the best story. Chevalier is the king of this movie. He is a best selling fantasy author who is in a bit of a slump. His publicist has been rejecting his new book ideas, and he loses it. In a panic, Chevalier steals Ben's story. But Ben doesn't know this.

After camp, Ben becomes friends with Tabatha and Lonnie, and Lonnie decides to buy Ben's story for $500. Ben is thrilled, and is even offered a part in the movie. Lonnie is shooting the movie on an old VHS camcorder, super low budget, and it looks to be a bust. Lonnie starts changing Ben's story around and soon, Ben is basically pushed out of the movie.

While all this is going on, Ben is dealing with his mom who is a fashion designer. She is played by the brilliant Jennifer Coolidge. Ben's mom is the love interest of some guy with a flock of seagulls haircut (Mike White, I think. Some guy from Flight of the Conchords... I haven't seen that show yet).

And on top of that while everything is going on, we see Ben's story coming to life through Ben's eyes, through Lonnie's eyes (as he films his version), and Chevalier's eyes, as he changes little bits and pieces here and there to make it look like he is not blatantly ripping off Ben (hoo hoo robin). Sam Rockwell plays the lead in the fantasy scenes. Sam Rockwell fucking pwned this movie. PWNED. Yes I'm 1337 speaking. Sam Rockwell is a cyclops killing motherfucker.

The ending comes together perfectly, and everyone gets what is coming to them. I hope they don't change to much of the film. Either way, I will be there opening weekend when it comes out to see it again.

The jokes are over the top, I was almost in tears in the theatre. FUCKING AWESOME. I'm ruining them for anyone. Just go watch this movie, you will laugh your ass off. Chevalier steals the show as he teaches young writers what is believable or not in fantasy novels.

Jared was in attendance, he actually sat in front of my buddy and I, and I regret not going up to him after the focus group to thank him for making such a great flick. He really hit it out of the park on this one. I passed him on the way out of the theatre, giving him a slight nod, but he was tied up with all the focus group muckity-mucks.

If you use this, call me DAISYKISS.

But wait! Maybe Hess hasn't reformed his Wes Anderson-aping ways. And I thought I was being hard on Hess after NACHO LIBRE (beware of spoilers)...

Hi Harry, Herc, all,

Although I hadn't planned on writing anything about last night's (03/19) Arclight screening of 'Gentlemen Broncos,' the one review you've posted has forced my hand. Do I want to write this review? No. But I won't be able to sleep knowing that unsuspecting 'Flight of the Conchords" fans might accidentally believe what they've read and then go see see this terrible, botched film (from a spec script that Mr. & Mrs. Hess inexplicably sold to Fox Searchlight.) It's terrible. It's not funny. Really, just gawd-awful film-making that made the gf and I (both HUGE 'Flight of the Conchords' and 'Garth Marenghi' fans) stare in shock, then disgust, for its whole running time. Except for the opening credits, which were pretty cool.

So, the good - The names of the cast and crew are superimposed over old pulpy sci-fi paperbacks in the opeing credits. Like the fake books in 'Royal Tenenbaums,' and I remember thinking how cool it would be if those were actual items that the crew could take home.

The Bad - pretty much the entire rest of the movie, from the first time the protagonist opens his mouth. Benji (Michael Angarano) is a 20ish home schooled nerd who lacks confidence in all kinds of ways, and is not exactly helped by his so-cheery-she-seems-nuts mom, (Jennifer Coolidge.) Within the first three minutes of the film he's sent off to meet his hero, sci-fi legend Ronald Chevalier (FOTC's Jemaine Clement) at a writer's camp, and is accosted by the tag team of Lonnie and Tabaitha. Tabitha takes a shine to Benji, Lonnie is a mincing Paul Linde-style gay "swish" and Chevalier is revealed as a pompous ass. I won't go into the details of the plot, but I'd like to point out some of the many, MANY scenes that fail. Jared Hess, if you're reading - TAKE NOTE:

- Mom's new boyfriend is Dusty (Mike White), a loser/stoner sporting a Members-Only jacket and a Doug Hennings-style long, curly wig and bangs combo. He dresses like a reject from a "Very Special Episode" of DeGrassi, and we're introduced by watching him taking out a pet boa constrictor from the trunk of his car. The snake, while wrapped around his shoulders, lets out a huge stream of shit when Benji first meets them. There's no joke, nothing funny said or misunderstood. No set-up, no punchline. Just a flat presentation of a live-action Dan Clowes drawing standing while a snake poops on him.

- Dusty likes to fire blow-darts dipped in rat poison and poop. This is made graphically clear.

- Tabitha and Benji's first kiss is through a smear of fresh vomit, which they then share.

- In the imagining of the story that Benji has written, cut open testicles in jars are referred to as "pudding", and we see one smashed open and eaten by a bobcat.

- Sam Rockwell being ejected off a cliff after eating what looks like a fungus-filled cow patty, by his own 40-foot stream of vomit.

I could do on and on, but that's a sample of what's gross about this film. And I'm NOT against gross. It just has to be the punchline of a joke, or used ironically, or used to make a point. And that's not the case. Scene after scene relies on one of three things happening: 1) bodily fluids 2) someone dressed like a 1985 JC Penny's catalog 3) a mincing gay character acting put out. And that's it. The plot is paint-by-numbers, and there are NO ACTUAL JOKES in this movie. Not one. Just a parade of stupid people made up to look more stupid in twenty-years out of date clothing. Who then barf on each other.

Jemaine is totally wasted. He does a pretty good Maurice Le Marche impression, but that's all he's asked to do. The 20 minutes he's in this film are the best parts of it, but it's like saying "I love Steve Martin, so Cheaper by the Dozen 2 must be brilliant."

There are also huge lapses in logic, where the characters have to act against their interests just for the next thing to happen. Seriously - if your horror story were stolen by Stephen King, and you could prove it, wouldn't you call a lawyer? If a small-time movie producer screwed you over (both story-wise and financially), would you remain pissed or would you ask for their help in your "big show?" The gf and I couldn't wait to fill out our comment cards, and they both read pretty much the same:

Jared Hess, please stop thinking you're making comedies. Hateful, smug morons in 1988 clothes aren't the same as, you know, actual characters. And barf and poop aren't shocking anymore, regardless of how loudly they laugh in Utah.

Thanks for letting me vent. If you use this, call me Archlight

Finally, here's a negative write-up from Cakebite. This review is of particular interest because Cakebite loved NAPOLEON DYNAMITE and found NACHO LIBRE "entertaining".

I checked out the screening at Gentlemen Broncos that the two previous
submitters have commented on and I have to say, put me into the hate
camp. I'm not going to get into the plot to spoil what little there is
to discover, but I'll mention this. Remember in Napoleon Dynamite how
it opens up with titles displayed with items on a table? Well, it's
nearly the exact same opening here. Although fun, it's still so
painfully familiar that it's near impossible to not feel like you are
watching the beginning to a Napoleon Dynamite sequel or remake. This
sequence ends with a kid drawing an eye patch on a deer on the cover
of his notebook. When it pulls out I was expecting no one else than
John Herder, but instead (my biggest problem with the film) it was
Michael Angarano from fucking Sky High, an actor so painfully dull
that his presence, which is in the majority of the film, bores me to
tears. Imagine if Napoleon Dynamite was played by a Jonas Brother.
Yeah... not fun.

The main character "Benjamin" meets a latino "kid" (he's actually 36)
named Pedro... I mean, Lonnie (played by Héctor Jiménez from Nacho
Libre), who does such a forced "funny face" that it feels like a
cheap, rejected Mad TV character. Banjamin also meets a girl, Tabatha,
with whom he's given a quick love story, although it really makes no
sense and is not necessary at all.

Like many before me will say, Jemaine from Flight of the Concords,
playing stuck up writer Ronald Chevalier does a great job when given
the chance. There's a highlight in the film where he's giving lessons
on how to name sci-fi characters which is one of the few instances in
the film where I felt like he was improvising some great jokes.
Unfortunately, there isn't too much of this character and he really
only exists as a plot device for the terribly bland main character.

Actor/writer/director Mike White was well cast. For anyone who has
seen Chuck & Buck they know that this guy can do a perfect,
quite-yet-creepy character that feels uncomfortably natural. The other
highlight for me was Sam Rockwell, who is basically revisiting
Hitchhiker's Guide with his role as the lead character in a fictional
sci-fi story within a story. With Sam as a lead these were by far my
favorite scenes. The sci-fi world mixes 70's camp costumes and props
with modern day special effects and a lot of fun immaturity.

As the previous writer pointed out, this film goes for gross out
humor. I wasn't opposed to the immaturity of these jokes in the
fictional story because these were the writings of a young kid, in the
"real world" though, I agree. It felt very out of place and lacking
any wit.

The kitch to Napoleon is turned up to 11. Every single supporting
character is weird and dim witted beyond belief, with crazy clothes
stuck in time warps. The humor is like that of the Extras' "When the
Whistle Blows". Curly hair and glasses are funny. If you don't agree,
definitely see a different film.

Before the end of the film I saw about three different groups of
people walk out near me. If you don't see the ending coming, it must
be because you were asleep. The credits were greeted with a quick, sad
couple of claps and I'll say it with a ton of confidence, this Hess
team needs to do something new because they can't hit their one hit
again and they need to stop trying.

GENTLEMEN BRONCOS is currently listed as TBA 2009.