FINAL CRISIS #7

Writer: Grant Morrison
Art: Doug Mahnke (pencils), Tom Kguyen, Drew Geraci, Christian Alamy, Norm Rapmund, Rodney Ramos, Doug Mahnke, & Walden Wong (inks)
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewers: The League of @$$Holes

The moon weeps as Darkseid gets in Turpin’s pants.
God bullets fired from the gun of Kirby shatter the illusions
Of shackling continuity for a new dawn of infinite confusion.

OPTIMOUS DOUCHE (OD): Lesson learned: back-up drive. You pay a 1$ a Gig these days or less. They connect via USB and require little to no configuring. This way when main machine fails, all your data is outside the box.

SLEAZY G (SLEAZY): What the FUCK? And for THIS I spent 28 FUCKING DOLLARS?!? NOT COUNTING TIE-INS?!? For the money this series and the crossovers and the tie-ins cost me, I coulda had one helluva bottle of scotch on my shelf. Thanks for nothing, ASSHOLES!

JINXO: And, weird as it sounds, over the last year as an experiment I actually tried watching some opera. Trying to expand my horizons. Whatever. Mostly still don’t care for opera although I found a couple that were okay. But the thing is, none of the operas I’ve seen have ever resorted to the sort of scattershot storytelling used in FINAL CRISIS. Between acts they might skip tons of time but, you know what, right off the bat they’ve got someone up there belting out a song that brings you up to speed on exactly where you are in the plot and what’s going on. My issue with opera is still just the style of the singing but looking at it from a storytelling standpoint the best operas are pretty bulletproof in terms of presenting a solid well thought out plot. That statement just makes me laugh. I should try that the next time I want to try some bullshit approach that may or may not work: I’ll reference another artistic medium my audience is likely unfamiliar with as a reference point. “I decided to write my current story with all the word balloons assigned to the wrong characters. I’m trying to bring to comics the essence of the experimental dance work done by the Ballet Ruse.” Instant license to do whatever you want and sound intelligent while actually half-assing it and slacking off. Wow, he IS a genius.

OD: Morrison also stated that he didn’t want to write FINAL CRISIS in the conventional sense, but rather more like an opera. Here’s the thing, though: operas have something called music. So when the libretto or the song lyrics take poetic license in conveying the complete story, the music is in place to fill in the gaps. After I read this nugget of wisdom I tried rereading FINAL CRISIS with several different types of music in the background; I started with Fleetwood Mac and by issue 7 I was on Phillip Glass. Nope, nothing worked. The story still doesn’t make a lick of sense.

ROCK-ME AMODEO (ROCK-ME): And such…(with regards to Balloon Man, I think Morrison and Robin Hitchcock had to have been drug buddies…they both write the same way, but least Robin had the Egyptians to balance him out…)

Ryan McLelland: I enjoyed the whole series...but I enjoy all crossovers. I know this was hyped up as they 'be all end all' and even though it didn't...it entertained me. Shit doesn't have to happen forever to make me happy - it makes me happy just to see a whole bunch of stuff happening. An easy fan to please I guess...but as I abhor most mainstream comics in general, I'm not sure why I DO like crossovers so much. It did pale in comparison to SECRET INVASION - but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

Darkened calculus suffocates hope;
Salvation in face painting gives purpose
To elementary school art teachers at last.

OD: Morrison stated in a review on another site I won’t name here that “surely part of the fun of comics includes following stories across titles? If you like comics, what’s so awful about buying another one to see what happens next? And if you don’t want to buy it, don’t bother. Do something else. Buy cigarettes or booze or bananas. I don’t know!” However, FC didn’t cross into the main DC titles; it had no impact on them whatsoever. All throughout this supposed event, there were three continuities going on: the Morrison Universe, the Johns Universe and finally everyone else. Sure there were a multitude of subtitles that flew under the CRISIS banner, but I will hold to the fact they were far more comprehensible than the main event.

SLEAZY: Ah, but he did a lot of work without the Egyptians too, and sometimes got a bit more unhinged as a result. Haven't seen him live in like half a decade or so, tho--who knows by now?

STONES THROW (STONE):Both SECRET INVASION and FINAL CRISIS chose to tell their last issues through flashbacks. I think that says more about the ridiculous levels of expectation attached to modern day events by both creative teams and fans than any well-thought out story choice. With FINAL CRISIS, I thought the quick cuts style worked great for establishing a mood of tension and foreboding doom earlier on in the series, but to keep that style for the epic conclusion? Morrison needed to allow some breathing room and space for things to come to a head and explain themselves, but he did just the opposite.

AMBUSH BUG (BUG): The problems with FINAL CRISIS can be boiled down to two facts: Morrison is not a team player and DC editorial didn't do their job managing Morrison. Had editorial pulled together a FINAL CRISIS summit and gotten everyone on board so that their books could be effected by, tie into, and reflect the magnitude of FINAL CRISIS this would give everyone a starting point and allow for a more coherent and relevant miniseries that could have had epic effects and after effects.

SUPERHERO: Shit, man...I gotta get to my shop for my books...

OD: We were also given the promise by the DC marketing machine that FINAL CRISIS would change everything, very much like the first CRISIS. So here we are at the very end and I truly have to wonder: what the hell changed? The multiverse is back, but that technically happened in 52. The Monitors are no more, but we only met this dissected version of them a year ago; sad, but again I don’t care.

VROOM: My brother just picked up a new computer to replace the one that shorted out. However, the quote we got from the local shop to restore all our old data was $120. Since most of the data was mine, and since my brother doesn't care about any of the crap he had, and since I don't even have $120 to my name... Is that a good deal, or a ripoff?

Horsedogs ride the night,
Their battle armor under a red son,
A crimson beacon to warn the talking kitty cats
That cough hair balls of justice.

OD: If this series didn’t leave enough of a bad taste in my mouth, this final remark from Morrison surely did: “of course I’m aware of a perpetual and chronic discontent from a particular jaded minority on the internet but I try to overlook their constant expressions of dissatisfaction on the grounds that it’s depressing and often personally abusive.” I won’t get personal here, because sir you have delivered some fantastic tales over the years and I thank you. However, I will say that the discontent is not coming from the jaded minority, but rather the comic book fan majority. I have yet to find a positive review of the series as a whole. The fact that this was DCs best-selling title of ‘08 is more a testament to marketing mumbo-jumbo and nostalgia than quality storytelling. Also, let’s not forget that SECRET INVASION almost doubled the number of orders for FINAL CRISIS. I know first hand the harsh words of critics can sting, but these critics are also fans that feed the DC cash machine so it can sign your paychecks. At times, harsh words make for a better product.

BOTTLEIMP (IMP): The sad thing about FINAL CRISIS is that there are some genuinely good ideas sprinkled through the series--the New Gods reincarnating through possession of human hosts (though Marvel played with that idea over a decade ago with Apocalypse burning through his host bodies much in the same way that Darkseid does in FC), Morrison's take on Kirby's enigmatic Anti-Life Equation (which I know infuriated a lot of readers, but if it's an "equation," then a mathematical explanation makes a lot of sense), and probably the best sequence of the series, Mr. Tawny the Talking Tiger kicking Kalibak's ass. But these sparse moments are overwhelmed by the lack of coherent storytelling that ultimately brings FINAL CRISIS crashing down around itself. FINAL CRISIS is like watching a student film at an art school film festival--you sit there for an hour, not understanding anything that's happening on screen, feeling no emotions save boredom (becoming increasingly tinged with frustration), and when it's finally over the student auteur gets up on the stage and tells the audience what you were supposed to "get" from his masterpiece, and you're angry because you wasted an hour of your life watching pretentious bullshit.

SLEAZY: Morrison's officially in the same group with Bendis for me as of now: he comes up with good ideas, he talks a good game, and his execution is fucking awful. Morrison shouldn't be let near another mainstream book fucking EVER after this goddamned three-years-in-the-making abortion of an event.

OD: Either way you are paying for time. Personally I would just move the data over. Putting an old drive in a new machine is going to be a recipe for disaster at some time down the road. Hard drives fail a lot. Yeah $120 is steep, but you need the guy's equipment and expertise. Plus 120 is way cheaper than Geek Squad that starts you off at a $200 minimum just to look at the box.

BUG: Because DC let Morrison do whatever he wanted, because he was allowed to write and rewrite his scripts, because Morrison was not communicating to editorial, leaving editorial to tell the rest of the books to write filler issues until Morrison is done, DC went from a major player to a complete and utter, unreadable mess. Aside from a few titles, their entire line is in need of a reboot and it's all because editorial didn't have the balls to step in and do their job and make an egotistical and deranged writer play ball with others.

Boobies and boots,
A Marvel versus an El.
If only they didn’t fly,
Then Jello their battle would be bathed in.

OD: When I tackled reviews for this series, I stated repeatedly that I didn’t hate the FINAL CRISIS story. For true fans of DC, Morrison resurrected enough forgotten lore to keep even the most fervent of fanboys’ appetites whetted throughout. However, now that all is said and done, I think I did hate it. I’m not sure, because fuck if I can tell you what actually happened. Also, until my dying day I will hold to my belief that this book would not be receiving this amount of scrutiny if it was called something other than CRISIS.

STONE: The New Gods, which anyone would have thought was the center of the story from previous issues, barely got a resolution. That might work fine when the writer has it all planned out in his head, but the reader needs events to be paid off for a satisfying conclusion. Couple that with the way that, instead of a summative confrontation between good and evil, the story devolved into some more musing on the nature of serialized comic books (which along with SUPERMAN BEYOND and BATMAN RIP makes me think Morrison is having a career crisis of his own) and the rushed art, and you’ve got a let-down of a last issue.

SQUASHUA: I humbly suggest we get as many reviewers to review FC 7 as possible. 2-5 paragraphs at most consisting of 3-5 sentences each. Then you take all the reviews, and you mix them up by paragraph and post it.

ROCK-ME: The elation of Balloon Man was instrumental in nano-patching the frothy bangles in the midst of their sniping.

BUG: Had this been hyped as an Elseworlds, I would be more forgiving. Had this been hyped as anything other than a Crisis, I would have given it a pass. But Didio and Friends hyped this up as the culmination of the last five years of stories. But in the end this miniseries, that had nothing to do with Sue Dibny's death or Earth 2 Superman punching the space-time continuum or Black Adam's World War or anything else that happened in the last five years, proved to tumble under its own weight of hype.

SLEAZY: I'm starting to think the real problem is that Morrison's slipped from Robyn Hitchcock down into Julian Cope territory.

The Rubik’s Cube of discord realigns the trinity
And bleeds through the parallel universe lava lamp.

OD: I was crucified a few weeks ago in the Talkbacks for my belief that the comic medium gets better as time progresses. So I am a huge proponent of change and new methods of story telling; basically I hate resting on laurels and the proverbial status quo. However, the term CRISIS holds certain connotations for longtime comic fans. If DC was going to rape our sense of nostalgia to sell this book, then they should be ready for the backlash when the series deviates so drastically from the complete reboot of the DC universe that we saw with CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS.

VROOM: Didn't read it. Didn't read any of Final Crisis. I don't care about "event" comics. I barely even read superhero books from the Big Two anymore.

ROCK-ME: It’s highly ironic that all of “52” and “Countdown” could have been told in 5 issues each, or less, yet here was a mammoth story that could have used an additional 7 to 10 issues at least (actual story, NOT tie-ins) and it came down to 7 insane issues of rectally-inserted exposition and incomprehensible one-line tangents.

PROFESSOR CHALLENGER: Just downloaded the torrent. I can't figure it out either.

BUG: All I can say about the final issue of this series is that THANK GOD it's over so Geoff Johns can get out his writing mop and bucket and clean up the mess Morrison made the DCU in the last year. I hope Johns packed his heavy duty industrial gloves, because there's some MAJOR cleaning to do.

IMP: I'm angry at Morrison for choosing style over storytelling; I'm angry at the editors at DC who let Morrison do whatever the hell he wanted while other writers were left in a holding pattern awaiting the outcome of FC and RIP; I'm angry at the DC marketing people who hyped this half-assed miniseries as the Be All, End All of the DC Universe; and I'm angry at myself for wasting money on this series even after it was clear that it was terrible. If DC is smart, they'll treat FINAL CRISIS much the same as Marvel treated the "Spider-Clone" saga of the late 90's: bury it deep, deny that it ever happened, and we'll all forget about it and move on as if nothing happened.

OD: I just finished reading FINAL CRISIS 7 -- What the hell was that? Should I really care about The Monitors I just met last year? And Bruce Wayne is fucking an aborigine to sleep? Seriously, was this just seven books of subtle nuances that even though I've read DC for 25 years it’s not enough of a commitment to understand?

SUPERHERO: You bought the tie-ins? Maybe it shouldn't be Sleazy G but Sucka G.

The death of the Bat,
Resurrection by a naked aborigine.

JINXO: As to FINAL CRISIS. Okay, going in the, the anti-life equation? I found it a little hard to swallow. I mean, words that proved there was no good in the world, which would cause despair, confusion, frustration and madness, words with such a high cost. But having read FINAL CRISIS I now know such combinations of words do exist. Okay, a tad harsher than I really feel but just a tad. For me, in the end, it was all a bit of confusing crap mess. I mean, high brow, carefully considered, pretentious crap--but still crap. Crap wearing an ascot and a monocle smoking a very smart looking pipe but dress it up as intelligent and fancy as you want, it still is a bit crap. I think there was a highly intelligent solid story there but it was told in a way that just made it nearly impenetrable to me. Reading the last issue I flashed to the latest episodes of LOST. Hurley decides to tell his mom the truth about what happened on the island. In one or two sentences he tries to sum up four seasons of complex plots skipping over tons of details necessary for his story to make any sense to her. "We crashed on an island, and then there was a guy in a hatch pressing a button every few minutes to save the world. Then the hatch blew up. And then their were these people called The Others who killed these other people who..." In the end that's how FINAL CRISIS felt to me: like I was being given an insanely truncated version of a story too big for the space they had to tell it in, just being given random important beats without much concern for providing the reader context. If you followed it or found the style "challenging", well, good for you. For me it was a pain in the ass sloppy telling of a story I think properly told could have really been amazing.

SLEAZY: Actually, for the first time I agree with the Morrison fans who were all telling us we were stupid or wanted to rush things--waiting until the final issue, everything fell into place. I just have one little thing I'm not clear on, but I'm sure one of you picked up something I missed.

ROCK-ME: If only King ArgleBargle had not limited his own vectors.

OD: When you say "restore" the data we talking about putting the old hard drive back in the new machine or are they just swapping the folders over?

BUG: Hey guys, Squashua had a good suggestion if everyone is game. He suggested that we all just rant a bit about FINAL CRISIS in one paragraph at a time and then randomly piece it together for a review.

The Monitor’s world goes white,
All hail the 5th world.

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #130

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Art: Stuart Immonen
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewer: Jinxo

I don’t see anyone getting too excited over this whole “Ultimatum” event. My guess is, like me, everybody is sort of burnt out on the whole world-ending-event thing, especially since they haven’t exactly been home runs lately. And while I’m not exactly mad with “Ultimatum” fever myself, I do find myself liking its execution better than some of the other apocalypses out there.

I mean, they’re actually snuffing some characters. Good on ya. And it seems like a real fustercluck with the heroes all caught with their pants down and real regular people not only in danger but actually dying in the thousands. And for the ULTMATE SPIDER-MAN end of things, you get the perfect portrait of Spider-Man. All of New York is flooded and even though he’s bailing water with a teaspoon, Peter keeps doing anything he can do to make even a small difference. His friends, both heroic and just regular kids, they’re throwing in to do anything they can. Meanwhile, as he’s trying to save the city just a little bit, the cops are out there trying to harass our boy.

Recently in Wizard Magazine, Brian Michael Bendis made a comment that because AMAZING SPIDER-MAN was now closer to what ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN was, maybe there was a need to change ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN to differentiate it. Can I just ask, please, please in tweaking things, please don’t mess this book up. AMAZING SPIDER-MAN is supposedly really great now and might be covering similar ground. I wouldn’t know because I ain’t reading it. I won’t. Done. I won’t read that book the same way I’d have ditched CAPTAIN AMERICA if they did a story where Bucky was still alive because Steve Rogers cut a deal with Hitler. 616 Spider-Man is not something I can read now. ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN is the only Spider-Man I’ve got.

Please don’t muck it up.

Jinxo is Thom Holbrook, lifelong comic book reader, and the evil genius behind poobala.com. He may appear cute and cuddly but if encountered avoid eye contact and DO NOT attempt to feed.

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE UNIVERSE (Vol. 5)

Bryan Lee O’Malley: Creator
Oni Press: Publisher
Vroom Socko: Vs His Own Universe

The new SCOTT PILGRIM is here! The new SCOTT PILGRIM is here! And Christ is it dark!

Oh sure, there’s the usual fight sequences with one of Ramona’s evil ex-boyfriends. Actually, there are two of them in this installment: Kyle and Ken, the twins. But the usual goofy fight sequences ripped from the fevered dreams of a Nintendo fiend are almost an afterthought in this installment. Instead, the relationship between Scott and Ramona is at the fore. Let me tell you, fighting evil ex-boyfriends is easy; it’s working at a relationship that’s hard. And now that these two are living together, the shine is starting to come off. What does that mean for their relationship? I’m not telling. What does that mean for the reader? It means that the penultimate installment of SCOTT PILGRIM is the best one yet.

It’s not just relationship issues that Scott is dealing with here. His band is starting to disintegrate around him, his friends are drifting in different directions, and he’s just become 24, that wretched year where your life becomes buried under adult responsibilities. I actually feel sorry for the poor guy. Except for the bits where he’s badmouthing theme parties. Who doesn’t like a decent party theme? But there’s still plenty of humor on hand, especially at those aforementioned parties. You see? They’re good for something. There’s even what could be the best time transition caption ever on page 95.

But it’s watching the way Scott and Ramona handle each other that’s the most interesting. O’Malley does a magnificent job of illustrating the ways that little idiosyncrasies can become annoying habits once experienced over and over again. Actually, the magnificent aspect of this is that he manages to do this, making it resonate on an emotional level, while simultaneously making a running gag based on X-Men continuity. As for his literal illustrating, there’s a sequence with Scott and Ramona talking in bed that—well, as I said, I don’t want to spoil anything, but for me it’s THE defining moment of the book. It’s a scene that goes hand in hand with the last scene of the two of them alone, where--goddamnit, I’m not going to be the one to spoil THAT. But I have to say I was floored when I read that sequence. Floored. And there’s a whole chapter that follows, plus an epilogue, that almost put me through the floor. Fucking dark, I’m telling you. If you don’t have an emotional reaction to those closing pages, then there’s something the matter with you.

I’ve managed, over the years, to enjoy each installment of SCOTT PILGRIM as it comes, with the wait between volumes being long, yet somehow bearable. I have a feeling that won’t be the case this time around. The promise of a conclusion would be bad enough, but the manner in which O’Malley ends this will have his readers chomping at the bit. All I know is, I want the final book in my hands, and if that could happen tomorrow I’d really appreciate it.

Vroom Socko, Aaron Button to his friends, once went to a Prom themed party. He was voted the Prom King. He’s also planning on showing up at the SCOTT PILGRIM release party at Floating World Comics in Portland on the 5th. He’ll be the one wearing the crown.

WHAT IF: SECRET WAR...”WHAT IF DOCTOR DOOM KEPT THE BEYONDER'S POWERS?” #1

Writer: Karl Bollers
Artist: Jorge Molina
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Guest Reviewer: William

Doctor Doom has always been a favorite of mine, primarily due to his beautifully complex personality. He just brings so much to the table in terms of his intelligence, his powers, his honor, his vengeance, etc. (My favorite story ever of his is the Graphic Novel "Triumph and Torment", co-starring Dr. Strange. An absolute must read if you haven't.) There's a reason why he's consistently stayed on the top of so many top "villains" lists for years (for once Wizard magazine got it right in one of their past lists), and that's because of his unique nature, how his actions frustratingly give him so many redeeming qualities at the same time. How I wish these aspects would've been captured in the recent “Fantastic Four” films, because when one thinks about here was a chance to finally see Doom brought to life in $100 million+ budgeted movies, i.e. this time there was no excuse about money holding anything back, but alas we all know the results by now.

In any case I'm always interested in picking up any book that he happens to be in, such as this eye-grabbing "What If" issue that deals with the first Secret War. To be honest I've never read the entire first series, only bits and pieces that I've picked up here and there through the years. But I do remember seeing the highlighted portion involving Doctor Doom siphoning the powers from the Beyonder (thank you bloggers), and this issue runs with the following interesting scenario: What if Doctor Doom was able to keep those powers?

So what would you do if you were given the powers of a God? I know my first selfish task would involve lots and lots of redheads (so I like redheads, sue me) but this issue presents Doom finally being able to fulfill his heart’s desire, which is to save the universe. What's interesting to note is how Doom interprets this, for in his mind he must first defeat those that naturally seek to defeat him. Even though he has noble intentions, being given the power of a God is seen as a big no-no to the heroes. So if you want to see all-out Doctor Doom action in its prime, you will not be disappointed here. Not only does he take on the usual Marvel heroes, but he also takes on and defeats the Eternals, the Asgardians, the Inhumans, even the all-powerful Celestials. I'd never thought I'd imagine seeing a Celestial being ripped in half, but Doom does it here. He even frees his beloved mother's soul from the Devil himself (I know, I know, it was already done in "Triumph and Torment", but this is a separate universe) as Doctor Doom chokes the "life" out of him. Ha! Try topping that, Darkseid and Thanos!

Further making this issue so great is the outstanding artwork from artist Jorge Molina. I've never picked up an issue with his art before, but after this I'll certainly keep him in mind. Molina beautifully creates something here that looks like a mixture of regular comic book art with paints/pastels. I don't know exactly the logistics of it, but the end result is very nice looking. How I wish he'd do some work on some Superman titles. Writer Karl Bollers does a good enough job on his end, running with an interesting idea from start to a satisfying ending. About the only thing I have to pick on here is that Bollers does the annoying trend plaguing certain comic books nowadays, where the story jumps between different time periods without warning. It's like Bollers saw “Pulp Fiction” before this issue and thought "what the heck, you know" in terms of his approach. I think the writing would've worked much easier here with just a more straightforward approach.

Anyways, this is an excellent issue that I recommend any Doctor Doom fan to pick up if they can. The price tag is one of those annoying $3.99 ones, but in this case it's well worth the price.

MISTER X: CONDEMNED #2

Creator: Dean Motter
Publisher: Dark Horse
Reviewer: steverodgers

The fun of the new MISTER X: CONDEMNED mini is the joy of seeing Radiant City again: a place of dirigibles, Fritz Lang buildings, and flying cars, a six-pack of retro-future awesome beer that you can get hammered with on every page. It’s a visual treat for those that remember a time that never was, when a robot served you lunch at a rotating restaurant, a time when you got your news from a daily paper written by a smoking workaday newsgal surrounded by pneumatic tubes, and the monorail high above would take you anywhere that you needed to go while the lights of Radiant City twinkled below like stars.

These days the citizens of Radiant City are experiencing mass phobias, sleepwalking and psychoses—it seems that almost everyone in the city has some mental health issue. People believe that the very architecture itself is to blame and so the Mayor has launched an ambitious plan of destroying the guilty buildings with his “New Broom” project. But for Dean Motter’s Radiant City they don’t use bulldozers for that type of thing, they use giant robots with scary eyes and robot pinchers. Unfortunately for the mayor (or maybe by design), the New Broom accidentally takes out a secret academy of architects that had a hand in designing Radiant City, which sets off jive-talking reporter Rosetta Stone on a investigative journaling binge that leads to the seemingly deranged Mister X. Mister X is a mysterious, No-Doz popping insomniac architect, and one of principle designers of the city, who has returned to save his city before it ends up in ruins.

Motter dials up the noir for this mini that is packed with conspiracy, thugs, dames and chippy dialogue. I am sure for a student of architecture there are tons of references that are flying over my head. The only one I caught is Roark, the name of the current city planner which is also, appropriately, the homophone of Ayn Rand’s hero architect, Howard Rourke, in THE FOUNTAINHEAD. There is not much in the way of character development in MISTER X, but the plot itself is secondary to the backdrop of ideas: how do buildings affect us, what is the true nature of a city, when does obsession become madness, and is madness even a bad thing in the pursuit of an artistic ideal?

MISTER X has a long, independent comic book history, and Dark Horse has just published the complete first series in one volume. The artists involved in the original series are a who’s who of comic book God-ery, including the Los Bros. Hernandez, Seth, Neil Gaiman, and Dave McKean. Enjoying the first two issues of this series has me definitely wanting to go back and lay down some coin for that book if just to see how Radiant City got so screwed up in the first place, and of course to enjoy more flying cars, fantastic cityscapes and robots.

MARVELS: EYE OF THE CAMERA #3

Writer: Kurt Busiek
Artist: Anacleto
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewer: Optimous Douche

MARVELS: EYE OF THE CAMERA is and isn’t “Your Father’s MARVELS.” What’s still in place is Busiek’s greatest talent: to tell a superhero story from the viewpoint of the man on the street looking up at the Gods among us--atalent he inspired with the original MARVELS and perfected over the years in his fantastic creator owned work ASTRO CITY.

What’s missing this time is the sense of wonderment and awe from the story’s main character, the tenacious photo journalist from the first MARVELS, Phil Seldon. But you know what, that’s OK. Time marches on and MARVELS: EotC is no exception.

Starting in the late 60’s and traversing into the early 70’s, EotC latches on to a social commentary that I have prescribed to for years: there is an impenetrable darkness and cynicism that has spread across the world’s collective consciousness. In the real world, the rise of anti-heroes like The Punisher, Wolverine and Ghost Rider challenged our morality as readers and made us wonder whether the ends truly justified the means. Could one take a life and still be considered a hero? By the fact that Wolverine has become the “Where’s Waldo” of the Marvel Universe cropping up everywhere from the Fantasticar to She-Hulk’s thong, our collective answer is obviously yes, he is a hero. But for men like Phil, these heroes reset the bar, forcing villains to push their envelope of awfulness. This is not the first time Busiek has traversed this concept; in ASTRO CITY: THE DARK AGE, he threw down a similar gauntlet that the 1970’s was the beginning of the end for the age of moralistic heroes.

This is a heady title, not meant for the action oriented reader. Since Phil has gotten along in years since the first MARVELS and he’s battling cancer, he is either arriving just after the action takes place or looking at the action from a distance. Personally I loved this approach, but I’m OK with “talkie” comics. I know though that not all fans will be as forgiving towards this paradigm shift from the traditional superhero “first-person point of view”.

Even Ancaleto’s art is reminiscent of Ross’ work from the first MARVELS, but he brings his own level of dark undertones to the painted panels to make this book truly his own. Many have stated the painted page makes it harder to convey action, and I tend to agree, but again it works for this title. Since Phil is a photographer the still frame nature of the art helps you get inside a photographer’s mind to view the world as a series of moments rather than a fluid moving picture.

I expect EotC to have a rather predictable ending, but I’m not reading this title for the surprises. No, this is a coming home and closing chapter to the end of innocence and the start of the modern more jaded age.

When Optimous Douche isn’t reading comics and misspelling the names of 80’s icons, he “transforms” into a corporate communications guru. "What if the whole world had superpowers? Find out in the pages of Optimous’ original book AVERAGE JOE. Read the first full issue on Optimous’ New Blog and see original sketches by fellow @$$hole Bottleimp. If you are a publisher or can help these guys get AVERAGE JOE up, up, and on the shelves in any way, drop Optimous a line."

HEATHENTOWN #1

Writer: Corrina Sara Bechko
Art: Gabriel Hardman
Publisher: Image Shadowline
Reviewer: Ambush Bug

Really good horror in comics is hard to find. Either it’s played for laughs or too tame to even be called horror. Either way, when it comes to horror comics, I usually walk away disappointed. The few comics that really did scare me did more than just go for gag reflexes and cheap scares; they established mood and took their time to develop investment in the characters and the situations they find themselves in. Comics like 30 DAYS OF NIGHT and THE WALKING DEAD come to mind when I think good horror in comics.

Now I can add another comic to that list: HEATHENTOWN.

One of the things that stand out in good horror is that it has things that you’ve never seen before. In HEATHENTOWN there’s plenty of that. This black and white OGN (close to 100 pages) sets a somber mood and tone for the heroine, but when the scares start, they don’t stop until the very end. Conquistadores, grizzly bears, woolly mammoths, demon dogs, the Fountain of Youth--all factors that make this comic one to remember. Our heroine, Anna, is a tormented person who has lost her love and hopes to find her in the swamps of Florida. Her search takes her deep beneath the surface where nothing living dwells. The horrors she experienced will not soon forgotten by this reader.

The thing that sets this book apart from others is the gorgeously moody pencils and inks of artist Gabriel Hardman. His work as a storyboard artist shows in this book as the action moved quickly, building in intensity as the panels whiz by. I found the 94 pages to be a quick read, not because there are filler splash panels (there aren’t), but because the tension is communicated so perfectly in Hardman’s panels that you can’t help but flip the pages lightning fast.

Writer Corrina Sara Bechko has crafted a heart-wrenching tale of loss and how some cling to life long past its expiration date. The imagery and tone is near perfect--the type of original tale you don’t usually see and one you often long to see. HEATHENTOWN is worth checking out. It’s got scares, the imagery is gorgeous, and the story is something you won’t forget.

Ambush Bug is Mark L. Miller, reviewer and co-editor of AICN Comics for over seven years. Check out previews to his short comic book fiction here and here published in MUSCLES & FIGHTS 3 and MUSCLES & FRIGHTS on his ComicSpace page. Bug was interviewed here and here at Cream City Comics. Look for more comics from Bug in 2009 from Bluewater Productions, including the just-announced sequel to THE TINGLER for their VINCENT PRICE PRESENTS ongoing series.

AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #21

Writer: Cristos N. Gage
Art: Humberto Ramos
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewer: Jinxo

Still liking it.

I mean, half this book consists of heroes not wanting to step up to even continue on in AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE. Making up excuses, hemming and hawing… not doing anything else. And it’s great stuff. AVENGERS: THE PROCRASTINATION… ATIVE. Then you get the other half in there. More collateral mess kicked to the side and forgotten by the other bigger books. That ain’t Thor on the cover, people. That’s one crazy ass clone who has only gotten crazier. Good times. If I had a complaint at all it would be the fact that I want to see Dyna-Mutt Thor face off against the real deal, but this issue ends teasing a different throw down that doesn’t get me near as exited.

Humberto Ramos draws this book. I’ve really disliked his work on RUNAWAYS. But here, for some reason, even though his style is basically the same…it kinda works for me. I think it might be that the tone of his drawings here is handled a little better. In RUNAWAYS it seems like no matter what is going on the characters all look like goofballs mugging for the camera. Like the book is winking and saying, “Don’t take this too seriously!” The characters in THE INITIATIVE still have a cartoonish look, but there’s no comic mugging. Instead there’s a wider set of emotions on display here as well as some no nonsense anger, violence and general evil.

Works for me.

Every comic shop has them… battered long boxes jam-packed with dog-eared titles ranging from forgotten heroes of the 1970s to multiple copies of chromium-covered “collector’s item” comics from the Big Bust of the 1990s. But if you are patient, and dig deep enough, you just may find something special…

HOSTESS COMIC BOOK ADS

Reviewer: BottleImp

So lately there’s been some references flying back and forth between us @$$Holes and amidst some of the talkbacks having to do with one of the greatest ad campaigns of all time. Some of you young’uns might not know about it, but to comic book readers who were born in the 1970s, it was a regular phenomenon: there you were, reading the latest adventure of Batman or Spider-Man, when out of the blue there would appear another superhero defeating a nefarious villain with the aid of a delicious pre-packaged snack pastry. I am referring, of course, to the comic book Hostess Snack Cake ads of the late ‘70s and early ‘80s.


These ads ran in both DC and Marvel comics, although it seems as if the Marvel creators were having a little more fun with the concept—some super villain would be robbing a bank or something, a hero would show up to try to stop them but their powers would have no effect, so the hero would merely toss a couple of Twinkies in front of the villain and wait for the inevitable outcome. The DC ads ran along the same lines, but seemed a little blander when compared to the Marvel ones… maybe just a sign of the times, when DC comics in general were kind of bland.


Wouldn’t it be great if FINAL CRISIS had been wrapped up as neatly as one of those Hostess ads? Batman tosses Darkseid a package of Hostess cupcakes, and Darkseid says, “This rich chocolate cake is as black as my heart, but tastes so much better! Who Needs Anti-Life when I have a delicious creamy filling?” Then he happily goes to jail or to hell or wherever you would imprison a living embodiment of evil, munching away on his cream-filled artery-cloggers. Hell, that ending would’ve made more sense than what Morrison wrote.


Anyhoo, I dug through some of my dog-eared, coverless comics from when I was a kid and found some of those gems of product placement. Take a stroll down memory lane, those of you who were alive back then, and you kids out there who grew up having never seen the Hulk take on the Roller Disco Devils, enjoy some classic superhero-slash-snack cake action.

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THE MANGA GUIDE TO STATISTICS

By Shin Takahashi and Trend-Pro, Co., LTD.
Released By No Starch Press
Reviewer: Scott Green

One of my prouder sets of accomplishments is that I was able to complete three levels of calculus, linear algebra and statistics. In theory, I was two classes away from a math minor. Yet, apart from occasionally mentally calculating permutations, combinations or other probability, I haven't used any of the course material since I learned it. And, like the procedure for binary division, it's largely left my memory. As such, I can appreciate the entertaining refresher course offered by THE MANGA GUIDE TO STATISTICS. The mechanism for framing the lessons is not inspired. There's far more formula than explanation, but it functions as advertised. While I wouldn't call the educational manga brilliant, it does a yeoman’s job presenting how to calculate statistics in a way that's accessible to the unfamiliar or out of practice.

THE MANGA GUIDE TO STATISTICS works on the school of thought that if you (presumably a male reader) are going to watch someone doing something, you're best bet for holding your attention is to have an attractive female form to look at. In this case, it's a moe caricature of a high school girl. Basically, the notion is someone who's impressionable, outspokenly confused at the right moments, and enthusiastic, if not entirely for the right reasons. In terms of manga, it's someone who'll look cute and react in broad physical gestures, suitable to enlivening the introduction of mathematical formulas.

The narrative cement for THE MANGA GUIDE TO STATISTICS is mixed when Rui's father brings home Mr. Igarashi from the marketing department after an evening of social drinking. Rui shows some interest in the handsome Igarashi's work, so he introduces some concepts behind market research, specifically the use of sample data. Rui falls for Igarashi, and envisioning the frequent proximity of private lessons, asks her father to hire her statistics tutor. Dad is overcome with joy that his daughter is interested in his occupation, so that weekend, he brings over bespectacled, messy haired Mamoru Yamamoto. This is a guy who quickly exhibits nerd tendencies as his attention is immediately drawn to Rui's manga collection. Still, figuring that knowledge of statistics could be parlayed into a relationship with Igarashi, Rui decides to endure the "nightmare" and study with Yamamoto.

I have a distaste for pandering in manga, especially with respects to moe, but in the case of THE MANGA GUIDE TO STATISTICS, the use of a soft, non-threatening girl is so nakedly functional I have a hard time holding it against the book. The staff at Trend-Pro (scenario writer "re_kino", illustrator Iroha Inoue) has a solid handle on how to use these cartooned characters to serve up concepts and formulas. The proceedings are kept light hearted and easy to read. What it lacks is imagination. As illustrated by the Rui/Yamamoto arrangement, Trend-Pro's work does not transcend the straight forward in developing innovative vehicles for lessons or metaphors for the concepts.

This can also be seen in what the manga cartoons. Lessons start with a concrete example to be discussed by Rui and Yamamoto, such as the consumer survey packaged with a manga graphic novel, test results, bowling scores or supposedly stolen pudding. From there, Yamamoto launches into his discussion of a topic such as data classification, probability or hypothesis tests. With an eye towards practical application, Takahashi does not shy away from the math, and a number of the chapters are heavy on formula. There are a few cartooned metaphors for the concepts being discussed, but, for the most part, it's rendered in a straight, formal manner: charts, graphs, calculations and so on. Instead, the visual flexibility of manga is directed at capturing Rui's mental process. There's a running gag in which Rui comments that a particular calculation is "abstract," after which she is illustrated in cubistic stylization for a panel. Another gag illustrates her reaching to master a concept by showing her as an arctic explorer, braving snow driven winds to reach her destination. Channeling this visual expressiveness towards the narrative serves to make the manga easy to read. While the information is presented in a sufficiently clear manner that there's little difficulty picking up the lessons, the medium is not used to emphasize the lessons themselves. Maybe manga could be used to create easily remembered visual metaphors for statistic concepts, but that does not appear to be the intension here.

In my academic life, I found that Larry Gonick's CARTOON GUIDE TO THE COMPUTER offered a useful handle for grasping the fundamental concepts of the subject. THE MANGA GUIDE TO STATISTICS is not quite as clever, especially in finding the graphical vocabulary for phrasing the concepts, but it is helpful for framing the scope and methods of statistics. While it falls short of some platonic ideal of a manga guide to statics, the book does prove to be an effective introduction or refresher to the subject. I certainly found that it jogged my memory for how it's done. Beyond that, the book succeeds at what seems to be its aims. It's a light, impressively non-oppressive read, especially considering the technical nature of its subject.

Scott Green has been writing for AICN ANIME for over seven years. If you like what you see here and love anime & manga, be sure to check out his latest AICN ANIME column here.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #9
Marvel Comics

Although Paul Pellitier's art is sorely missing from this book, the writing is still top notch. In fact, this was my favorite read of the week. So you have the coolness of Starlord, Rocket Raccoon, Groot, Drax the Destroyer, the newly redesigned StarHawk and Vance Astro in this book, now Abnett and Lanning add Jack Flagg to the mix? Are you kidding me? This book is an overdose of cool. Flagg's inner monologue about cosmic characters is priceless. Here's hoping the wheel-chair-bound powerhouse that gave the Thunderbolts a run for their money sticks around in this book for a while. He's a damn fine addition to an already amazing book. - Bug

JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA #23
DC Comics

Now that JSA wrapped up its long, drawn-out KINGDOM COME storyline, I figured it might be safe to give the series another try. This issue didn’t really suck me in, though—I feel like there’s been way to much Black Adam in the JSA titles already (what with his presence in the previous JSA series) and that his character has already been pretty much milked dry, and Jerry Ordway’s art is kind of hit-or-miss. On the plus side, Geoff Johns seems to be whittling down the JSA roster to a more manageable size, and it looks like this storyline might clean up the whole Shazam/Captain Marvel mess that was left after INFINITE CRISIS and DAY OF JUDGEMENT, so I’ll probably hang around for a couple more issues to see what happens. There’s also a “mystery” cameo on the final page of a certain character who was quite prominent in the latter issues of FINAL CRISIS—and whose appearance here just cements the fact that FINAL CRISIS had little if anything to do with the majority of DC’s regular titles. Way to go, DC editorial. - Imp

UMBRELLA ACADEMY #3
Dark Horse

Like a Morrison comic...that makes sense. This book goes in every creative direction imaginable; there's time travel, alternate realities, hitmen wearing cartoon masks, conspiracy theories all swirling around a family of dysfunctional superheroes. Gabrial Ba's artwork continues to dazzle and add new layers to this already dense reading experience. Despite all of their bickering, the Umbrella Academy is in a lot of trouble. Not quite sure I make sense of it all yet, but unlike his inspiration Morrison, writer Gerard Way shows the patience to spend enough time with each character for the reader to get to know them and care about the warped scenarios he puts them through. - Bug

NEW AVENGERS #49
Marvel Comics

That’s it? Really? They teased the crap out of us forever with plots centering on Luke Cage and Jessica Jones’ kid. They gave the kid crazy Skrull eyes. Then they had Skrull-Jarvis kidnap the kid. THEN Luke Cage cut a deal with Norman Osborn in order to save the kid. All that buildup for a one issue brush off of the whole thing because, apparently, we’re in a hurry to get into the next event? Are you joking?!?!? Bendis, say it ain’t so? Have you never watched or read a serialized story before? You can run a good kidnapping plot for forever without having to derail your big event stuff. Keep that kid lost and out of play awhile. Let it wreak havoc on Luke and Jessica’s relationship. Have poor Luke trying to fight the good fight while tracking down the few slim leads he can find. Do something! This…this reminded me of the SNL skit parodying “There Will Be Blood”. Where the guy loses sight of his kid for 5 seconds, starts screaming, “Where’s my boy! I’ve lost my boy! I’ve abandoned my child!” Then he sees the kid is standing right behind him, stops on a dime and says, “Oh, there he is.” Something. Okay, with what does happen it is implied there will be repercussions but, really, will they be any different from those the New Avengers would be facing anyway? And…what WAS with the Skrully eyes? Was it just that the kid has green eyes and they got really irritated and so they just started bugging out? - Jinxo

ROBIN #182
DC Comics

As this series winds down, I have to say that I like the way Fabian Nicieza has evolved the character of Robin. While Dick has been doing everything he can not to become like Bruce and Jason sadly and desperately wants to be like Bruce, written by Fabs, Tim has no other choice than to be the most like Bruce. With the loss of his parents and now Batman, it looks like there are dark times ahead for Tim. Fabs adds depth to Robin by not making him a squeaky cleaner. He's smart and most of all driven, much like Bruce. The action in this comic may not be typical of the bouncing boy wonder of old, but it does make for some interesting reading. There's a dose of angst and a dose of rebellion to be had with this issue, and although the Battle for the Cowl is about to begin, Fabs writes a Robin that makes him best suited to take on the mantle of the Bat. - Bug

SKAAR: SON OF HULK #7
Marvel Comics

So what happens when Conan and the Hulk are trapped in a closet with nothing but a Barry Manilow record, some champagne, and some lube? SKAAR: SON OF HULK, that's what happens. Greg Pak did a decent job of fleshing out the world of Sakaar when the Hulk was exiled there in his own series. During that run, though, I found myself longing for the Hulk to get off of that world and return to Earth because THAT is what the story was all about. Pak took his time to get there and he's doing the same thing with this sequel to his "Planet Hulk" storyline. Sure, you can say that it's fun watching Skaar go nuts and bust up a bunch of alien barbarians, but the main reason we're sticking around is to see what happens when Skaar goes back to Earth and shows up on his poppa's doorstep. Pak isn't sending Baby Boo Hulk home yet, though. He's teasing us a bit with a return of the Savage Surfer AKA the Silver Surfer who uses his surfboard as a shield. Butch Guice is doing a great job with his nitty gritty art style. The panels look as if they have been carved from granite. And the story is fun and brainless like your typical Conan-style barbarian book. But again, the best thing about this book is the potential that lies in this book’s future. It's been going on for a while now and I'm sure many have tuned out, but I hope Pak brings the son home to meet his father before the true foe of this book, low sales, takes out the Hulk-Spawn for good. - Bug

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