Greetings humans, Monki freshly back from my trip out to Vegas. I teased some photos from the Adult Entertainment Expo (mistakenly referred to as AVN a lot) and boy did I get some response from you folks. It seems as though you all really wanted to see tits. I mean really, who cares about enormous televisions when you can see DDD fake boobs. I guess you all have a point. Oh, and let's go ahead and say this article is NSFW.

Really though, who am I kidding? You have scrolled past whatever text is blocking the below images. No really...it's okay. I know what I'm good for.

For those of you who don't know, the Adult Entertainment Expo in Vegas is a yearly event that draws thousands upon thousands of fans looking to meet their favorite porn stars. It really is a remarkable thing. It has always seemed to me that porn was such a private thing, usually something enjoyed at the wee hours of the morning on a laptop. Going to an event like this just really drives home the idea of how big an industry it is.

Damn near every aspect of the sex industry was represented here in some form. From your Hustler, Wicked, Adam & Eve, Brazzers and Digital Playground (DP..tee-hee) to your Real Doll, Fleshlights and one lone game developer hawking "Bone Town." You could buy a rubber vagina or get an autograph. Pick up some liquid latex or a fresh new merkin. Insanity.

I did learn one thing about myself while I was there. I'm not nearly as big of a pervert as I had once thought. I prided myself on being the go-to guy for AICN pervness. I had to once ask Harry permission to get anywhere near Kristin Bell at a Sarah Marshall pre-party and I'm the go-to guy when it comes to strip clubs here in Austin. But in Vegas...I was but a minor leaguer.

I had a camera with me, but at first I was very nervous having it out. I didn't know the proper etiquette when it comes to cameras and pastie-laden women. Holy crap though, after about twenty seconds of being in the main AEE hall, I found out quickly that you just need to throw all sense of morals away when photographing people there.

I witnessed a man probably in his late 30s kneeling under a woman's skirt and putting his lens just a couple of inches away from her asshole.

It was then when the woman realized what was going on, so SHE TURNED TOWARDS THE CROWD SO EVERYONE GOT THE SAME VIEW.

Oh man, Vegas is seriously another world.

If you had ever wanted to see a 6 foot tall ass or naughty nurses larger than life, the AEE was the place to see it. Ads like these were all over the place, making me wonder, who gets to take these giant posters home after the show ends? Those would make for an awesome contest prize.

Also, "Buttwoman" is the best Super Heroine ever.

One funny thing I noticed, the most famous the star, the more they often had on. Two examples:

This is the lovely Miss Lisa Ann who portrayed Sarah Palin in Larry Flynt's "Who's Nailin' Paylin." As you can see, still relatively clothed.

This is Jenna Haze, she actually hosted the AVN awards. (She's also one of the few porn stars I happen to know by name...) See? I've seen naughtier outfits roaming around the University of Texas campus. I would marry this woman.

The Girls Gone Wild bus was there. At least, one day it was. When I peeked in the second day it was out roaming the streets. I wonder if they found any girls willing to show skin in Las Vegas. My guess is probably HELL YES.

Speaking of busses, the Bang Bros. team (the guys behind the Bang Bus) was there with a booth that looked like it was painted by the same guys that paint awesome murals on vans. The ones with unicorns and wizards. Impressive.

Of course, porn wouldn't be porn without Ron Jeremy. The man himself was wandering the floor when he wasn't being interviewed. I wanted to ask him about an Orgazmo sequel but alas, I never had the chance.

The entire expo is something that you just have to experience. It's huge, it's wild, it's full of incredibly hot women and incredibly horny men. And really, couldn't we all use a little porn to get our minds off all the bad stuff going on in the world right now?

I had a really interesting time out in Vegas. I heard attendance at both CES and AEE was down considerably, but they both seemed quite packed to me. A good first experience in my book.

I've got a few interviews I need to transcribe and get out to you, so until then, back up the porn tree I go!

-Monki