Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I meant to get this review up last night, but I’ve found myself scrambling pre-Fantastic Fest to get as many of my ducks in a row as I possibly can while at the same time arranging interviews, press screenings and my regular Fantastic Fest schedule, so I’m a tad behind.

But that’s the good thing about writing a review of a video game. Even if you picked it up last night you might not have had the time to play it all the way through, so I have a little more cushion in posting a review, at least more than on a film.

I will begin by saying that I love video games, but I don’t consider myself a serious gamer. I used to think I was, but after I first got onto X-Box Live and started seriously looking at gaming sites I realized I’m, at best, a recreational gamer.

I don’t get the appeal of computer games, I’ve always found the keyboard and mouse fucking impossible to manage, so that automatically takes me out of the hardcore gamer circle. I get bored during (most) RPGs, I’ve never played a Final Fantasy game and I don’t like Pokemon.

Makes it sound like I hate video games, right? I never, ever thought that about myself until I started exploring the world of gaming a little bit. I love the games I love. I’m addicted to achievement hunting on 360. I’m a recreational gamer, even though I own all three Next Gen consoles.

So, take this review as it is, from someone who isn’t an expert on gaming.

As a giant fan of the Original Star Wars Trilogy I was interested in this game, which even in the earliest days showed a design template similar to the OT. I’ve never really loved a Star Wars game. I’ve enjoyed the hell out of some of the early Rogue Squadron games (I remember breaking my N64 controller’s trigger because that was the “brake” and I’d squeeze the shit out of it when banking), I enjoyed the Battlefront games, I couldn’t get into KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC because of my disturbing dislike of RPGs, but I did enjoy the story of that game as I watched my little brother play through it.

In fact, my absolute favorite Star Wars games have both been arcade games. I have very, very fond memories of playing the original Star Wars arcade game (blowing up wire frame TIE fighters) and I love that Star Wars Trilogy sit-down machine with the one trigger that goes through all three OT movies. I was really good at the lightsaber stuff…

Again, all this exposition is supposed to give you an idea of where I’m coming from when I say that The Force Unleashed is my favorite console Star Wars game. In terms of graphics, scope, story and ease of the controls (I played through on X-Box 360, by the way) this one takes the cake.

I think it’s because of the focus on the Force powers and the amount of choice you get in what is built up or not. I know that’s a common game technique nowadays, but the diversity of the force powers made me happy.

In case you’re curious, my priorities were to upgrade Force Lightning (what it sounds like), Force Grab (the ability to pick up people and objects and throw ‘em around…) and the abilities that upped my saber attacks and get more life from those I lay my wrath upon.

But what about the story?

The story starts off with a bang. The Emperor is in power, the Empire is rising and Vader is on the hunt for rogue Jedi throughout the galaxy. We start off on the Wookie planet Kashyyyk playing as Vader killing us up some Wookies as we learn our force powers.

(Note for XB Achievement whores like me, kill up as many stormtroopers as you can on this level… you’ll get a secret achievement when you hit a certain number)

You get to the boss, the Jedi Knight and you fight him in front of a hut with tapestries with the rebel insignia as we know it. You beat the Jedi and have him in a force choke, interrogating him. Vader senses someone more powerful and demands to know where his master is.

Suddenly, Vader’s lightsaber flies out of his hand. He turns to see a small child, maybe 5 years old, holding it. He’s terrified, not knowing what’s happening. Without a look back, Vader crushes the life out of this boy’s father, throwing his body to the ground as the Sith Lord approaches the child.

Stormtroopers rush in, raise their blasters at the kid and, after a moment of consideration, Vader leaps into action, taking his saber back and killing the troopers.

This is the birth of Darth Vader’s secret apprentice, played by Sam Witwer. The next time we see either of them, the Apprentice is in his late teens or early 20s and has finished his training, hidden from the eyes of the Emperor, groomed as Vader’s weapon. Vader tests you out by dispatching you to a TIE fighter factory where one of the few remaining Jedi, General Kota, is staging an attack, after having spent the last decade gathering an army of rebels.

We’re almost into the time frame of the OT and the world reflects that. The TIE fighter factory triggered little explosions in the geek-nostalgia section of my brain (ie, almost the entire thing).

What’s particularly smart about this set-up is that you get to kill Stormtroopers as well as rebels. And I love how the Stormtroopers are worthless. Love it. You could stand still and let one shoot you for 5 minutes and still not die. It takes one swipe with the saber to kill one.

We get bigger and badder fuckers as the levels progress, but everyone that’s just stormtrooper (no bubble shield, no giant Robo-trooper, no fucking flame-thrower) is just how they should be: bad shots that are only strong in great numbers.

The physics of the world are very much like God of War, which I like. Great game and I do like the exact series of button presses you have to hit to end bosses and big enemies (chicken walkers, Rancors, etc). I know some don’t, so you’ve been warned.

Of course, anybody who has played a video game in the last 5 years knows that halfway through there’s a switcheroo and you question who your true friends are.

The Apprentice is dark, but they gave him a Han Solo quality and a little light-hearted aspect to his personality, especially when dealing with Proxy, his droid. Proxy was designed as a training tool for the Apprentice by Vader and constantly reminds us that he will find the perfect place to come in and try to kill us, but he’s the nicest robot the rest of the time.

It’s a good relationship that I wish they would have developed a little more.

The female eye candy is Juno Eclipse, your pilot who, of course, has a giant rack that is two sizes too big for her Imperial short-top uniform. She’s cute and Nathalie Cox’s British accent is adorable, but she probably could have used a little more development to sell the last act of the game.

That’s not to say the cut scenes don’t offer any depth or real emotion. I was very involved with the Apprentice as the game went on and we see him shift from Vader’s lapdog to questioning his orders. He has a great moment where he’s silently meditating, constructing his lightsaber using the force… the pieces slowly, slowly glide together and suddenly Vader’s breathing enters the room and he loses focus, his saber dropping in pieces to the ground.

To avoid the hologram cliché, the game creators decide to have Proxy act as whomever is contacting you. He can change into any image uploaded to him and when he’s “taken over” by Vader’s personality, taking his shape completely, he’s always shaky afterwards. That actually leads to a really great exchange. Proxy is Vader, Vader breaks communication and Proxy falls into The Apprentice’s arms, droid again. He weakly says, “I hate being him” and the Apprentice says, “I think he does, too.”

It’s a nice bit.

Ultimately, the story line is greatly important to fans of the Universe, you get to play some really fun levels, but be prepared for the last few to go from “these levels are a breeze” to “What the fuck!?!?”

I’ve played it through on Sith Apprentice once and then on Sith Lord (almost done with it on that difficulty) and the only real difference I see in difficulty is in the bosses, who are now much harder to kill.

I greatly enjoyed the game and I look forward to playing through another time or two (took me about 7 or 8 hours to play through the first time, in case you were wondering) and grabbing as many achievements as I can.

There, that wasn’t so hard. Hope you PC gamers will be kind to me. I thought movie geeks could go on the attack, but there’s something even more vicious about gaming geeks… I am very much looking forward to hearing the thoughts of others out there, though. So as you play through, feel free to put your thoughts in the talkbacks below.

Now that this giant kidney stone has been passed, I might survive the first few days of Fantastic Fest! Keep an eye out for my coverage of that starting in a day or two!

-Quint
quint@aintitcool.com