Well folks "The Big Shemp" has finially filed another story with FATHER GEEK here at AICN Headquarters, just enough to really wet our appetite and start the old Geeks around here drooling for more of his/her juicy tidbits. No one knows how to spark our interest better, her/his inside insider info never fails to steam up the offices here at Geek Headquarters with the aroma of hot and spicy news... Here's Shemp...

Long time no talk. Sorry I've been so quiet lately-- most of the dirt I've been able to dig up is pretty nonexsistent, though I did get to read the very funny script for -- yes -- "Eating Raoul 2: Bland Ambition" -- which is to star Paul Bartel, Mary Woronov and Paul Reubens. This time, the Blands run for governor of California! And yes, many heads are bonked with frying pans.

I've got some behind-the-scenes dirt on "The Haunting," which is actually supposed to be pretty good. As you know...(this is the part you DON'T PRINT)I am... I used to... I recently... and this is what resulted... (Now you can print me):

Michael Tolkin wrote a terrific draft just before production began, one which focuses a great deal more on the characters and their fears as they enter Hill House. His draft sets in motion the story, which is now about dream and sleep research and makes Liam Neeson's character -- Dr. David Marrow (formerly "Jeffrey Marrow," but apparently they found a real doctor with that name and didn't want to get sued) -- significantly more sinister. As reported in the latest "Fangoria" Magazine, Tolkin was brought aboard to fix the numerous problems the actors had with their characterizations and sat in for the first few weeks of rehearsals with them to smooth things out. It was a significant script revision, albeit one which had to use the preexisting characters (who had obviously already been cast) and the locations and sets, many of which had already been built or were well under construction. Unfortunately, Tolkin won't be getting credit where it's due-- the Writer's Guild gave sole credit on the film to David Self, despite the many changes and fixes made to his eto a project to qualify for a credit; apparently, they decided that Tolkin's considerable efforts didn't add up to that much. It's too bad-- DreamWorks could have saved themselves a lot of hassle and ill-will by just submitting both writers for a credit, particularly as Tolkin co-wrote last year's smash hit "Deep Impact." The other writers on the DreamWorks version of "The Haunting" (not the Wes Craven version which was at one time under consideration at Miramax) include David Seltzer ("The Omen"), whose gory 1997 drafts were tossed out and bear no resemblance whatsoever to the current film (save for involving a scary house) and John Logan ("Any Given Sunday," "RKO 241") who did dialogue polishes, particularly on Liam Neeson's character, during production.

I haven't heard much at all about "Mission Impossible II," but here's what I do know:

The writers on "Mission Impossible II" include: William Goldman, David Marconi, Michael Tolkin, Rick Berman & Brannon Braga, John Logan and Robert Towne in addition to a few others who can't mention at this time. Given that no one in town would work on such a high-profile, high-budget project for anything less than their full fee, we're talking a single feature script that has to cost somewhere AT LEAST around $10 million dollars, which must be some sort of a record.

So there you have it.

Attitribute the preceding to "Big Shemp."

The rest of this is strickly off the record and on the QT: