Hola all. Massawyrm here.

I guess there comes a time in every generation when something becomes so widely accepted after a period of long term repression that it becomes time to make a comedy for the Archie Bunker types, to teach them an all too valuable lesson about the evils of their intolerance. You know, to break that final layer of ice before all the bigots go into hiding and make sure to look both ways and whisper before saying anything. You know, like Great grandmother did around all the (looking both ways) you know whats. And who better to send as an ambassador to that flag and cross crowd…than Adam Sandler.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is the film that dares to say We're not gay. So NOT gay. In fact we are so not gay, we're gonna ogle Jessica Beil for like an hour. You wanna beer? I feel like I need a beer. Yeah, and I'll chase that down with some Jack Daniels straight from the bottle. Yup. So not gay. Dude, did I mention how not gay I was – so not gay that I tagged an entire shift crew at Hooters? All at once. Did I mention that? Yup. So not gay. But if I was, there'd be nothing wrong with that. So shut the fuck up bigot.

It's not the sheer obviousness of the agenda that's offensive. It is its seeming lack of sincerity about it. It's an incredibly shallow and pathetic attempt that feels more like Dude, this may be our last chance to make gay jokes …like ever. So we've gotta use them all. Every last one. And the result is some nuclear option gay joke extravaganza that feels obligated to utter the phrase Not that there's anything wrong with that after every single one-liner.

You want to convince me that you're serious about making a movie about acceptance and understanding? Then how about having a single, normal, non-flaming, not-ever-used-for-comedic-effect gay character? You know, someone who doesn't prance like a little girl or lewdly check out other dudes in the shower. Will and Grace did that for, what, ten years? While you were busy ripping off every other gay bit ever used (from pilfering Bosom Buddies to cribbing all the Joey/Chandler stuff from Friends), you couldn't watch a few episodes of that for some balance?

No, here every gay character is a terrible stereotype with zero depth. Because the movie isn't about being gay. It's about being straight and learning how intolerance affects those batting for the other side. And while there's nothing wrong with playing for that side, we're way over here. Batting for this team. The straight team. Dude, pass the beer and a porno mag. Hell there's even a moment where frat comedy god Adam Sandler himself turns to a roomful of people and (sounding almost depressed) says And don't use the word faggot anymore. That's a bad word. I know I used to use it a lot. But don't use it. Use it a lot? Dude, Adam, you built your entire fucking career on using that word. Or iterations there of.

Next time apologize in a movie that is a little less scattershot in its ideals. I mean, as much as they're trying to talk about sensitivity to sexual preference, they have yet another Rob Schneider bit part, this time as a bad Asian stereotype with thick cokebottle glasses that can't keep his L's and R's straight. I swear to god this character walked in right out of a WWII Warner Brothers cartoon. That's how out of bounds this thing was. Not that there's anything wrong with…oh wait.

So aside from the blatant sociological faux pas, how is it? Meh. The bulk of the film is tolerable. There are a few chuckles here and there, and the movie tends to play out like the lesser and most forgotten of the Adam Sandler comedies – but feels most akin to Big Daddy, which really had a heart but fell short of being anything worth remembering. Almost every last plot element feels oddly familiar and has been done better before. Hell, during the whole Adam Sandler/Jessica Beil I'd love you if you weren't gay/I wish I could tell you I'm not really gay subplot, all I could think was how much better I liked this story when it starred Neve Campbell and Matthew Perry and was called Three to Tango.

In fact I wouldn't actually despise this film if not for the last five minutes of it. There comes a moment in which Sandler and Kevin James are forced to kiss publicly, which causes the slo-mo Gross Out Cam, and then out of nowhere Dan Ackroyd comes in to hand deliver one of the lamest fucking endings I've seen in recent memory. He essentially delivers a turn that should have occurred at the beginning of the third act rather than five minutes from the credits rolling, so that everything has to be magically wrapped up through the power of everyone simply getting over it. Hey look, the movies over…yayyyyyy! But it is done in such a forced, contrived way that you're left sitting there repeating What the fuck? until it actually gets around to ending. And by that point Chuck and Larry has spent every last bit of goodwill it had, and you just don't care anymore.

And once the credits have rolled and you begin to reflect on the film, you notice that there is any number of ways this could have been made more interesting. Or daring. Instead, this is paint by numbers filmmaking, where even the jokes are predetermined based upon the concept.

This is exactly the type of comedy you expect to get dumped in the late July slot of the summer, a film that never seemed to get developed any further than the initial pitch. It's gonna grab for a big opening weekend, then die on word of mouth and end up totally forgotten by fall. I can't in good conscience recommend this film to anybody but the most slavish of Adam Sandler completists. It's really just not worth it.

Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.

Massawyrm

Alright, alright. You guys demanded it and ole Massa delivers! Safe for work man love. Enjoy some Harry on Massa action right there in the privacy of your own cubicle.