Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.

Oh, how I hated NANCY DREW as I was growing up. It’s bad enough my last name was “McWeeny,” but thanks to this series of mystery books for girls, I got plenty of teasing about the first name “Drew” as well. For that reason alone, I get almost physical pain every time I see this title in print, and now it looks like Warner Bros. has plans for a bigscreen franchise starring Disney Channel star Emma Roberts.

Will it be remotely tolerable for parents who take their pre-teens to see it this weekend? Let’s see...

what: NANCY DREW

who: EMMA ROBERTS (Nancy Drew), JOSH FLITTER (Corky), TATE DONOVAN (Carson Drew, Nancy's father), MAX THIERIOT (Ned Nickerson, Nancy's would-be-boyfriend and best friend ), RACHAEL LEIGH COOK (Jane Brighton), LAURA ELENA HARRING (Dehlia Draycott), ANDREW FLEMING (director/screenplay, of "Dick" fame), MILDRED WIRT BENSON AKA CAROLYN KEENE (characters/original author ).

when/where: The movie has a "Brady Bunch Movie" and "Very Brady Sequel" feel, in that Nancy is the quintessential fish-out-of-water in modern America, especially in L.A., where her Dad takes her to live for three months as part of a job opportunity that could earn some real money (I guess even modestly well-to-do families in River Heights, where Nancy hails from, have a maid, though). To address the "where," this movie is not really for kids under 5 . . . they will just be confused. If you have a daughter (or a son, but especially a daughter) over the age of 5, then they will like it. Please don't bring your kids here expecting SHREK THE THIRD or RATATOUILLE. They will hate you for it. Then again, I did see KNOCKED UP with a screaming toddler in the front row....

why: The niece of Julia Roberts has to start somewhere . . . only kidding. But Emma Roberts sounds scarily like a younger version of her aunt. Clearly, based on star-wattage (or the lack thereof, except for a few cameos that make the ones in OCEAN'S 13 seem a lot more creative), this was an inexpensive investment for Warner Bros. My guess: if Nancy does big business, then here come (1) sequels; (2) Hardy Boys; and (3) Bobsey Twins (a man can dream). This film tests the waters for a bigger investment.

how (did I like it): B . . . I especially liked one scene involving Nancy and the reading of Miranda to a suspect. It tickled this cold, lifeless law school student just a little bit pink. On the whole, the "mystery" that Nancy has to figure out in L.A. (the possible murder of famed movie actress Dehlia Draycott) can be figured out within seconds of Nancy's arrival in L.A. and at the house of the deceased Draycott. I never read the Nancy Drew books (as I said, more of a Bobsey Twins fan and, let's face it, because I'm a mysogynist, strong women role models frighten me), but I doubt this story was taken from the novels per se. The scenes involving Nancy's various perfections (that word is not a typo) are very funny and clever. Basically, the dichotomy that is set-up (as you can tell from the previews) is that Nancy is the perfect over-achieving daughter . . . but she's promised her dad (Tate Donovan) that she "won't do no more sleuthing" (not in the previews). This internal battle that Nancy has does not really go anywhere, because she breaks her promise pretty quick and lies to cover it up. Is that really the example we want to set for our young women and daughters? One plus: all those parents who want their kids to become overachievers should see Nancy Drew as a cautionary tale. The over-achieving Nancy Drew (who knows CPR and might as well be a certified EMT) is roundly ridiculed by her high school classmates . . . so, what happens? The script ends scenes at Nancy's high school. It's not clear if it's because the schoolyear has ended, but this was a gaping hole in logic....