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Published on Sunday, April 8, 2007 - 3:34am |
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You've heard of The Easter Bunny... maybe even Peter Cottontail... but do you know... THE EASTER MONKEY?!?!?!?
Hey folks, Harry here... this isn't an upcoming film, a film from the past either. Rather, this is Easter - and on this day where Jesus rose from the grave and modern man buys Spider-Man Head baskets to fill with Spongebob Eggs to honor Jesus... I figured it was time that I tell you a tale about... The Easter Monkey.
Once, a long time ago. Nearly 20 years ago now - My father, baby sis and I were spending an Easter Sunday on a long long drive through the backwoods of Texas. We were far far away from the safe lunacy of Austin, and were in the branded red neck sections of Texas where no man, woman or child is truly safe.
However, in these areas... on the back roads of Texas there roams a creature of such amazing charisma and charm that Jesus gave him bunny ears and overalls - and set him to taking pictures with terrified, unsafe-feeling children that knew him only as... The Easter Monkey.
The Easter Monkey does not lay colorful eggs, but chocolate poo that he throws at children, much to their horror.
The Easter Monkey is not a legend, nor is he stop-motion animated like a Rankin Bass piece of classic entertainment. It is not known where the Easter Monkey goes on the non-Easter days. Does he become the President's Day Monkey, The St Patrick's Day Monkey, The Memorial Day Monkey, The Hallo-Monkey or even... The Christmas Monkey or Hanu-Monkey? It boggles the mind to think about it.
But - while I can see you rolling your eyes...
Don't deny it, I know it is true...
But I have proof... I do.
This is a picture of my Baby Sis and the EASTER MONKEY... is the Easter Monkey coming for you next?

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Reader Talkback
Peter Jackson for JLA! by UltimaRex | Apr 8th, 2007 03:55:27 AM | Peter Jackson for JLA! by UltimaRex | Apr 8th, 2007 03:58:53 AM | Peter Jackson for JLA! by UltimaRex | Apr 8th, 2007 04:01:05 AM | Peter Jackson for JLA! by UltimaRex | Apr 8th, 2007 04:05:17 AM | Cornelius & Zira woulda been
proud of Caesar by Monkeybrains | Apr 8th, 2007 04:13:34 AM | Cmon Harry... by Boba Fat | Apr 8th, 2007 04:14:50 AM | Looks exactly like Harry... by Napolean Solo | Apr 8th, 2007 05:53:29 AM | This is sweet! by PhantomSpazzz | Apr 8th, 2007 06:39:49 AM | Yeeeeks! by TheRealMoriarty | Apr 8th, 2007 06:47:37 AM | Easter Monkey gotta eat.... by Banditmania | Apr 8th, 2007 07:14:49 AM | *Shudder* by Tomo | Apr 8th, 2007 07:34:56 AM | PETER JACKSON ick by darwinwins | Apr 8th, 2007 07:36:42 AM | Too furry! by JackPumpkinhead | Apr 8th, 2007 07:43:28 AM | MVP by gusradio | Apr 8th, 2007 07:53:44 AM | Fraud by Redfoot the Fence | Apr 8th, 2007 08:23:01 AM | I think there is a film in
this... by Reelheed | Apr 8th, 2007 08:31:30 AM | If you have any poo, fling by Green Arrow | Apr 8th, 2007 08:43:37 AM | Aww... by phaedrus007 | Apr 8th, 2007 08:43:46 AM | That's where the suit from A
Christmas Story ended up? by aboriginal | Apr 8th, 2007 08:43:53 AM | Stupid automatic subject
filler! by Green Arrow | Apr 8th, 2007 08:44:51 AM | Indiana Jones and the
Chocolate Monkey Brain by Green Arrow | Apr 8th, 2007 08:48:11 AM | His Fulltime Gig... by Gr8Shotz | Apr 8th, 2007 08:49:47 AM | What the hell is that? by criticalbliss | Apr 8th, 2007 08:51:30 AM | Correction: Full Time Gig... by Gr8Shotz | Apr 8th, 2007 08:53:38 AM | Not a monkey; it's a damn
dirty ape! by Big Bad Clone | Apr 8th, 2007 09:46:10 AM | Is that Lancelot Link??? by Mr. Nice Gaius | Apr 8th, 2007 09:52:09 AM | Where is your god now!? by JonBlizzard | Apr 8th, 2007 10:07:53 AM | Sorry folks. The only real
thing is... by mrfan | Apr 8th, 2007 10:13:20 AM | EARS ON THE EASTER MONKEY =
FLAMES ON OPTIMUS by Pound Sand | Apr 8th, 2007 10:45:51 AM | Fucking Awesome by ErnieAnderson | Apr 8th, 2007 11:03:13 AM | Those trees are sooooo fake
looking. by chiahead | Apr 8th, 2007 11:29:01 AM | General Urko's been looking
for that Chimp. by AllPowerfulWizardOfOz | Apr 8th, 2007 12:34:49 PM | darwinwins... by UltimaRex | Apr 8th, 2007 12:47:30 PM | You know what I believe in? by Anna Valerious | Apr 8th, 2007 12:58:01 PM | Plus... by UltimaRex | Apr 8th, 2007 01:00:13 PM | I thought this was in bad
taste, but... by theBigE | Apr 8th, 2007 01:17:19 PM | ¡¡¡¡ZNYDER or BAY for
JLA!!!! by pipergates | Apr 8th, 2007 01:18:25 PM | I Heart Easter Monkey by ballsmcretard | Apr 8th, 2007 01:32:53 PM | Damn, now I'm depressed... by tucson | Apr 8th, 2007 01:45:26 PM | Yeah, commercialization knows
no shame by Drath | Apr 8th, 2007 02:30:42 PM | Most Extreme Primate by Dr Lisa Cuddy | Apr 8th, 2007 05:18:11 PM | Bunny ears on Monkey = Nipples
on Batman by Animus | Apr 8th, 2007 05:18:31 PM | Happy Zombie Day by Some Dude | Apr 8th, 2007 06:34:24 PM | HA! by darkjedijaina | Apr 8th, 2007 07:08:26 PM | Good old Harry, this is the
stuff I love by Daddylonghead | Apr 8th, 2007 07:53:39 PM | Which one is the monkey? by hatespeech | Apr 8th, 2007 08:05:58 PM |
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