EDITOR'S NOTE: THIS ARTICLE DELAYED FROM LAST WEEK DUE TO TURKEY CONSUMPTION & UNRELIABLE E-MAIL!

Greetings humans, Monki here with your BLACK Friday edition of the Weekly Wrap-Up.

And by BLACK, I mean very very black. All across the country right now women are pushing each other out of the way to get their hands on super-cheap products that are still being marked up about 200% from their actual value. Children are left crying as their parents dart into the local Target or Wal-Mart to scoop up that ten-pack of socks for a nickel. And my Texas Longhorns just finished their regular season losing two games in a row.

Oh, and I didn't get a Wii or PS3 either. Joy to the fucking world.

But there is some hope; some glimpses of what is to come in the next few months. I'm happy knowing that my ultimate prediction turned out to be somewhat correct, but I'll get to that in a bit.

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy not being trapped in the hell that is the local shopping mall, and read forth.

So, after the ejaculation of games and systems last week, this week is actually a pretty slow one. Everyone has been killing themselves trying to get their grubby hands on a new system (PLAYSTATION 3 or Wii) and not a whole lot of anything is going on. One cool thing though, Gears of War has stomped onto the 360 scene and taken hold of the "First to 1 Million" title by the nuts.

Microsoft has just announced that Gears of War has sold 1 million copies worldwide in just its first two weeks of release, elevating the game to the fastest-selling title of 2006 and fastest-selling original Xbox game of all time.

The game has also become the most-played Xbox Live game as more than 850,000 unique gamers have engaged in 10 million gameplay sessions while unlocking an impressive 7 million Achievements. Microsoft also believes that the game has driven new members to the network, as paid registrations per day have skyrocketed more than 50 percent since the game's launch.

"From the very beginning, we knew 'Gears of War' would be an industry-defining hit," said Shane Kim, corporate vice president at Microsoft Game Studios.

"As we watched both the game and its hype grow, it became obvious that 'Gears of War' was the rare title that could live up to such incredible anticipation, and judging from the reaction of critics and fans, it's done just that."

I couldn't find the original release, so I borrowed the above from Team XBox. Also, Microsoft let slip that Gears of War is the first in a trilogy of titles with Marcus Fenix slaughtering those locust bastards. Sweeeet. Keep up the good work CliffyB.

I spend a lot of time browsing video game trailers. Occasionally you'll find one that looks pretty freakin' sick. This one is for a game I haven't heard anything about, but now I am very interested.

Is that freakin' KRULL? Looks sweeeeet. I don't know what platform it'll be on or anything else about it for that matter. In fact, if you work on the game E-MAIL ME and I'll gladly talk to you about this wicked looking title. (That's right, I'm a whore.)

Last week I showed you some amazing looking images from Pimp My Ride The Game! I bet you couldn't wait to see more, right? This week, I bring you VIDEO!

I think "Ghost Riding the Whip" means walking next to your car while it is in drive. The car moves on its own. You score points by letting your car run over children. Okay, probably not. But doing backflips and running over children are practically the same thing! Man I want this game. I wonder what the achievements are on the 360 title. PIMP POWER!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Last week I railed on the idiots who stayed out for two days camping to get their greedy mitts on a PS3 that they would turn around and flip on eBay for some stupid huge profit. My exact quote from last week:

I personally hope that there are so many damn PS3s up on eBay that the price gets driven down somewhere around $900. Was it worth freezing your balls off for $300? Did taking a day or two off from work and sitting in a Wal-Mart justify your 50% profit?

It turns out that my prediction became somewhat true! Last I saw, PS3s were going on eBay for around $1150. So, after taxes, that means the pile of gold and rainbows that people thought would save their Christmas turned out to be worth around $500. Less than 100% profit. HA HA. Hopefully this will prove as a lesson to those future morons who camp out for a week to get a hold of the newest next-gen system.

That being said, I still don't own either a PS3 or a Wii. Those bastards are flying off the shelves faster than Harry's pants around a regenerating cheerleader. Expect to see them on shelves sometime around Christmas. And by "them" I refer to the Nintendo Wii. Expect to see the PS3 on shelves sometime around next Summer. I'm totally serial.

Of course, Nintendo or Sony could alleviate a problem I'm having. See, I can't review any titles for the PS3 or Wii until I receive a console. If either company wants to send me a console, I'd gladly talk about said console here on this site. So, Nintendo, Sony, feel free to E-MAIL ME and you can get my address and send along an early Christmas gift. (See what I did there? Total whore.)

So this pretty much wraps up a skimpy post-dead-bird-day Wrap-Up. Mad props to Game Trailers for giving me video to steal. Three cheers for Gears of War as I'm still having a blast on that one and bow your head at the fact that you won't get a PS3 for the next few months.

To finish off I leave you with a genius commercial for World of Warcraft. I'm not sure if this is 100% legit or just a fan creation, but it is awesome.

Until next week when hopefully Sony or Nintendo ships me a new console to play with, back up the tree I go!

-Monki