Father Geek here with another delightful insightful interview from our resident Quatermass experiment Quint...

Ahoy there, squirts. O Tis I, the Chinese Turkey lovin1, Red Ryder shootin1 and completely crusty seaman, Quint here, just back from a night of viewing the soft glow of electric sex and getting... things... stuck to flagpoles. I1m all better now and I1d like to give you folks a look into the life of Peter Billingsley, Master Ralphie Parker himself, who headed up the cast on one of the most universally loved films of all time, A Christmas Story.

This round of scar sharin1 was full of twists and turns, squirties. We did this interview at the local Four Seasons hotel on Cinco de Mayo, the day after Jon Favreau1s new film, MADE, premiered at the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema. You see, Pete1s a producer now and was working behind the scenes on this particular film. During the interview, somebody... surprising interrupted us and chatted for a bit. Who, you may be asking yourself? Well, you1ll just have to read it to find out.

Here1s the interview, squirts. Have fun. I1ll see you on the other side.

QUINT: LET'S START AT THE BEGINNING. YOU STARTED ACTING IN COMMERCIALS, RIGHT?

PETER BILLINGSLEY: I started in New York when I was 2 and a half and my mom... she didn't know anything about the business at all and my brother and I were blonde and, I guess, kinda cute and she thought it might be fun to get, like, a little print ad in The Times in my little sailor suit or something to put in the scrapbook. I mean, she had no idea about the business at all.

So, she took us to a couple agencies and the first one said, "They're too fat," and she was all, "My kids aren't fat!" Then they said, "They're extremely ugly." She was beaten up and finished with the business after a couple of meetings. She said, "I'll try one more," and this lady said, "Yeah, they'll work," and I went on an audition.

The first audition I went on was a commercial for Geritol and Betty Buckley was the mom. She's just, like, holding a bunch of kids and she said, "You know, when you have kids like these you need to take Geritol twice a day." So, I just stood there in the audition. I got it! It was the very first one I ever went in on. I got the job.

It's kinda sad, but my first real childhood memory that I can connect with was shooting that day, when I was 2 and half. I was terrified of the camera! They gave me a little truck to play with and I threw the truck at the camera. (laughs) I was not a very good specimen for this business. Then, I think the director said, "Hey, you're getting paid for it," but I didn't have any concept of that, like a check. I didn't know what any of it meant. Then he said, "What do you like?" And I liked the little penny candy shop and I knew that I could go in and for a penny get a little baggy and fill it up. My mom would, like, give me a nickel and a dime. He gave me a dollar and he said, "I'll give you this if you behave." I knew that meant 100 pieces of candy and I was the best behaved person. You know, I was probably making $500 for the day, but it was that one dollar bill... I didn't say a word for the rest of the day. I was perfectly behaved.

So, that started and I just started doing commercials and stuff. Then I did some movies, a little bit of TV stuff. I did a movie called... (pause) I think the first movie I did was If Ever I See You Again, with Joel Brooks. I don't know if that made the light of day or not. Things started to grow from there.

Then my dad wanted to get out of New York City and we moved to Los Angeles very briefly, but he didn't like it at all, so I was raised in Phoenix after that. Then I'd commute between LA and Phoenix and it just kinda kept going.

Q: AWESOME. SO, THEN YOU GOT THE GIG OF A LIFETIME IN A CHRISTMAS STORY.

PB: Yeah, absolutely. It was a pretty standard audition. I'd gone in on it, liked the script obviously, read for it and didn't hear anything for a long time. So, you figure "Whatever." You audition for tons of stuff. When I was a kid, the amount of auditions... you'd have sometimes 4 and 5 calls a day.

Then, like, a month later I got a call saying, "They want you to screen test and you have to come up to Canada." So, I flew up to Canada for the screen test and these are nerve wracking things, these screen tests, because it's always mixing and matching. It's like you with a Flick and then they're switching out all the kids. All those are the kids that are reading for the Ralphie role, too, and then they'll have you read the Flick part, so you'll never really know what it is.

It's sad because they always try to make it like a really fun party vibe, but even at 12, you know, you have butterflies in your stomach. And they're just trying to make it, like, "Oh, it's fun! Now you get to play with him on this turn!" I'm all, "Look, motherfucker. I ain't playin' that role. I'm gonna be Ralphie. I ain't gonna be Flick!" (laughs) Everyone knows and everyone's thinking the same stuff, all these little pint sized guys with their moms waiting outside. So, you get savvy quickly, I think.

Q: SCREEN TESTS ARE A REALLY INTERESTING PART OF THE PROCESS FOR ME. IN FACT, I'VE SEEN A BOOTLEG TAPE OF ABOUT AN HOURS WORTH OF SCREEN TESTS FOR THE ORIGINAL STAR WARS. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THOSE?

PB: No, I haven't.

Q: THEY'RE PRETTY DAMN FUNNY. IT'S AN HOUR OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE READING FOR THE ROLES OF HAN SOLO, LUKE SKYWALKER AND LEIA AND IT'S NOT EVEN A SCENE THAT IS IN THE FILM.

PB: Oh, really? (laughs)

Q: IT'S SO CHEESY. IT'S LIKE, LOOK HOW BAD STAR WARS COULD HAVE BEEN. ANYWAY, IT'S JUST REALLY INTERESTING TO SEE THESE ICONIC CHARACTERS BEING PORTRAYED BY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. THERE'S ONE OF WILLIAM KATT, THE GUY WITH THE PERM FROM CARRIE, READING FOR BOTH LUKE AND HAN, PERM INTACT. THEN THERE'S KURT RUSSELL READING FOR HAN.

PB: (laughing) That's so funny.

Q: I DON'T KNOW. SCREEN TESTING HAS ALWAYS JUST BEEN INSANELY INTERESTING FOR ME.

PB: And it's sort of a... It's a strange world as a kid. You know, kids are kids and you want to cause trouble and have fun and be care free, but you're put in this position where you have to be an adult. You're given a huge amount of responsibility, so you grow up quickly. I was blessed because I had a really good family, so things were kept in perspective. It was always an honor, it was a privilege to be doing things. It wasn't that I was a man. I was not like little Wow Bow Wow, you know. I was not like a young shock collar.

So, it was different in the sense that my folks, compared with a lot of peers that I'd seen... it's just really sort of an interesting thing. You know, by the time you're 12 and you're competing for a role, you really know what's going on and you have a real sense of how the game works.

Q: I DON'T NEED TO TELL YOU THIS FILM HAS A MASSIVE FAN BASE...

PB: Yeah. I'm thrilled and blessed that it's gotten the following that it has and Turner loves it and plays it on TNT and everything. It's just, you know, it's fun. It's really fun to be a part of something. I think that's what you hope for when you're doing stuff 'cause you want to have some footprints in the past. You want to have some sense of immortality. I'm thrilled that I'd gotten that lucky, really.

Q: SO IT DOESN'T WEIRD YOU OUT THAT AROUND CHRISTMAS TIME YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF WATCHING 24 STRAIGHT HOURS OF YOU ON THE TV?

PB: It's... yeeeaaahhhh. It's kinda interesting. (laughs) I'm now at the point where I can watch the movie and appreciate it. You know, for a long time you watch it and I'm like, "That's not funny. I know how we did that." You have these memories connected with the role. I can really appreciate it now as a movie and see it and enjoy it.

Q: YOU WORKED WITH A YOUNG MAN NAMED SCOTT SCHWARTZ ON A CHRISTMAS STORY. HE PLAYED FLICK. HIS CAREER ENDED UP GOING IN A RADICALLY DIFFERENT DIRECTION THAN YOURS DID. HE'S NOW A PORN STAR AND YOU'RE A PRODUCER. WHY DO YOU THINK YOU GUYS ENDED UP DOING SUCH COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS? WHAT WAS IT THAT KEPT YOU FROM BECOMING "PETER BILLINGSLEY: PORN STAR!"?

PB: Um, I guess people read a lot about the negative outcomes of numerous actors. We've heard a lot about the sitcom people who fought drug abuse and sorta slipped into a life of crime. It can be a life that's filled with oddity in that you're a celebrity at a young age and you're still trying to form your identity. I was very blessed the insulation of a great family. I was not raised in California, I was raised in Phoenix. I had two brothers and two sisters, phenomenal parents. They sacrificed a lot, but didn't sacrifice too much. They made sure I always had a balanced life. I had a bright, tough, loving dad who was doing very well for himself on his own.

So, I had a different upbringing and I had a great structure and I had a great balance always in my life. I think the priorities were always correct. I mean, this was something that was always looked at as a privilege for me to be doing, not as though I was the most special kid on the planet and should be treated as such. You know, the cuteness can wear off and the magic can fade away and I think unless you have the right foundation things get awry and you can get panicky and wanting to chase things.

Now, this is not a comparison specifically because I don't want to address necessarily that specifically because I haven't really talked with him and I don't know where his head is.

But you hear a lot of stories. There's a lot of good stories, too. I just saw Soliel Moon Frye on a piece. ET was doing a Where Are They Now? TV star thing. She's on Sabrina and seems to be a very well adjusted girl. I spent some time with her and her family when I was younger. She always had a great background. She was really close to her brother and had a great mother.

I think that's really the difference. It's sort of a travesty when kids don't inherit that naturally. I just know how blessed I was and in looking back I can't say enough great things about, in particular, my mom who just made a lot of sacrifices. There were times when I wanted to be out west and I could have been working more, but the answer was, "No, you're going to be raised in a very, very normal environment."

So, I think with that, I had a good structure. I've always been a really, really motivated person and wanted to turn it into something positive in a new way. Fortunately, I had the tools from my upbringing to do that. Obviously, at some point in every adult's life, regardless of your past, you have to take responsibility for yourself.

It's probably not really the witty or clever answers you wanted, but it's really the truth. I grew up with a lot of these kids and I saw a lot of their families and I saw both sides of it and the outcomes are pretty predictable when you realize the home environment that they were in. It seems to be when they didn't have the support, the outcome was not positive, but when they did, it was wildly positive. A lot of people got out of the business. They're well adjusted and happy and loving people.

Q: NO, NO. THAT'S EXACTLY THE ANSWER I WAS LOOKING FOR. I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO START KNOCKING ON THE GUY OR ANYTHING.

PB: But you know, as I said, I really haven't really kept up with Scotty and I hope he's at a good place. I hope he's happy and I certainly root for him.

Q: FROM WHAT I'VE READ, HE'S REALLY HAPPY WITH WHAT HE'S DOING NOW.

PB: Well, good. If that makes him happy, then I'm certainly pleased for him. I certainly wish everyone the best from that film. Again, it was an amazing experience and at that time we all collectively gelled and we came together to make something magical.

Q: WELL, I DUG DEEP INTO THE SEAMAN ARCHIVES LAST NIGHT AND FOUND THIS. [I whip out an original press kit for A Christmas Story and Peter goes through it, smiling.]

PB: Oh, wow. Yes. You got the glossies, too.

Q: YEP, THEY SAY YOU'RE A "REAL KID."

PB: A real kid. Is that in there?

Q: YEAH, THAT AND THEY SAY YOU HAVE AN I.Q. OF 150.

PB: Whatever. (laughs) I love those press kits! Precocious is a word they like to use. They're going to spin it somewhat... That's funny. You know, I think I have one of these left. Do you have the money shot? [HE ASKS AS HE'S GOING THROUGH THE 8X10 BLACK AND WHITE GLOSSIES. HE FINDS ONE OF RALPHIE FROM THE FIRST DAYDREAM SEQUENCE IN THE FILM, DRESSED UP IN A STUDDED COWBOY SUIT HOLDING "OLD BLUE."] Yeah, there it is. This is great to have. These are the original glossies, too. Way cool.

Yeah, "real kid." I did a show called... Do you remember Real People? That was a show like That's Incredible, but it was Sarah Percel and Skip Stevenson. It was on for 6 years, I think on NBC. I was the host on that for 3 years. Then they had a show called Real Kids, which I think they were trying to push (in the press kit). We lasted for 2 shows.

Actually, River Phoenix, it was before he had started, did audience warm up on the show. It was a collection of kids and I guess they thought it was going to be the next thing, but obviously it wasn't. Nobody ever heard of it.

Q: YOU DID A LOT OF OTHER TV STUFF AROUND THAT TIME, TOO. YOU DID FAMILY FEUD.

PB: Yeah, I did, but what I'm more proud of is Celebrity Hot Potato. We had host Bill Cohen, which was great. Somebody called me recently and said that they had seen it. That was pretty fun. I never did, like, Battle of the Network Stars because I was never really on a network show.

I did do Family Feud with Richard Dawson, which was really cool. Smoochin' all my little peers. Like all the little girls on the series, givin' 'em kisses and everything. Insane guy. (laughs) It was the '80s, it was this kind of time. They were hot shows that were on the air and I was very proud to be a part of them.

Q: WELL, YOU WERE ON ONE OF MY FAVORITES... THE FIRST CRUSH I EVER HAD WAS ON PUNKY BREWSTER.

PB: Oh, really? Well, that was pretty cool. I don't know how that came up. Probably just a typical thing. That was one of the few... I played a real little shit, I played a little sort of bad guy on that. I don't know what it was. I did one episode and they said, "Do you want to do another one?"

In one, I was shoplifting and was trying to get Punky to steal stuff from the local mall. (laughs) Then the other one... Remember when those radio controlled cars were in, those little dirt cars. They were really in and you had to get one. (In the other episode) my dad had built for me a dirt track and I was the guy with all the cars. Then Punky came over to play and I kept knocking her car out of the race. I broke her car! I don't know why I was that guy all of a sudden. (laughs) I was a real mean guy to Punky. Then she came back and won the race or something. Foiled again by Punky!!! (laughs)

Then I did Who's the Boss, which was fun, too.

Q: LET'S NOT FORGET WONDER YEARS.

PB: That's right. Yeah, I did the last couple episodes of that. That was interesting because they were smart. Robert McKeith teaches a story structure class. I don't know if you know him, but he's sort of a big story structure guy and he was talking about genres of film. He said that there hasn't been a new genre of film. You know, genres are genres.

But then he said, "There's one film that's a little perplexing to me because it's almost a new genre." And he said A Christmas Story. He said the style of the narration and the action creates a completely different feel, where it's in first person. It's not like a lead in narration to say, like, "This was the greatest summer of my life," and you play the story. It's an interactive part of the story. You don't see it a lot and I think Wonder Years was smart to do something of that ilk. It was an effective show. I liked it a lot.

Q: AFTER A CHRISTMAS STORY, I BELIEVE YOU DID A TV MOVIE... [He has a confused look on his face, so I clarify.] SOMETHING ABOUT A GIANT CHICKEN?

PB: Oh, yes. The Hoboken Chicken Emergency, would be Hoboken, New Jersey and the chicken emergency that ensued that one year. It was for the Wonderworks series. This one, it was sort of a broken home and I got the last $100 and was supposed to go to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving. But I got sidetracked by this mad scientist who had grown a 7-foot chicken. A guy in a chicken suit, sweatin' all day.

So, I bought that and brought it home. I showed it my mom and she got very upset. She didn't really acknowledge the fact that it was a big chicken, she was more upset at me for not getting a turkey. And I became friends with it and its name was Henrietta. I don't know, but... (laughs)... it was what it was!

It was sorta one of their launching pads and I had to do some press work. They also had some other troll movie with this other little actor. They had a whole series of things. So, there was this little 8 city tour planned to go promote these things and it was just at a time when I was doing a lot of stuff. My dad had always said, "With this stuff, the best thing to do is just be honest. If you get a little tongue tied up there, just be honest."

So, all the press people are there and I'm on this podium and they say, "Do you watch PBS?" And I said, "Well, to be honest, what I like most are the animal programs. I watch those a lot and I really, really like those. That's probably the most stuff that I watch." I grew up on stuff like Sesame Street, but I had sort of outgrown that. I was about 12. They said, "Well, what do you like?" And I said, "Personally, I like violence." (laughs) I said, "I love the A-Team. I watch The Dukes of Hazard. These are my shows." (laughs) That's what the story was: "Wonderworks spokesman likes violence!" I was asked to be removed from the panel and not allowed to do anymore interviews until it was finished. The Hoboken Chicken Emergency died. (laughs) That was it.

Q: ACCORDING TO IMBD, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS AFTER THAT. IS THERE A REASON YOU TOOK A BREAK?

PB: After Hoboken?

Q: UH-HUH.

PB: Oh, really? I don't know, those days were really weird. I'm trying to think... I worked very consistently until I was 18, then I took some time to do college. But, I mean, I'd do TV movies, small movies. I kept doing stuff in that time period and liked it. By the time I was, like, 17 I hadn't really gone to that much school. I had gone to K through 3 and then 4, 5, 6, 7 I had tutors. I made it half a year of 8th grade, then I left to go make The Dirt Bike Kid at the end of 8th grade, so they didn't give me credit. I got held back for that year. Then I had a tutor for 9th grade. Then I went into high school, started at 9th grade and didn't finish high school.

So, it was like I was never really in school. It was a great life, but you know, I thought it'd be fun to just go to college for a year. I got my California High School Efficiency Exam, like my GED, when I was 14. Not like that was a great feat. The math questions were like: You have two dimes, three quarters and a nickel. How much money do you have? The toughest questions were: 2x = 12. What does x equal? So, I breezed through that pretty easily. Then went to Phoenix College in Arizona and did some stuff after that.

I was at a point where I wanted to make a change and I started looking at behind the scenes stuff. So, I got offered this movie which wasn't tops on my list to do, a movie called Arcade. I asked them for an apprenticeship to edit the movie. I figured, here's a good way to start. So, that movie, oddly, became my film school. I showed up for my apprenticeship to edit it and (the editor) didn't have an assistant, so I became the assistant on the first day, basically.

I had a great time in the cutting room. The movie they had screwed up technically, so it was rejected by Paramount. So, I get a phone call a year later from this guy saying, "I'm reopening up Arcade so they can get it released. I'm redoing all the effects. I know you were on it. Do you want to recut it?" So, I went from apprentice to assistant to editor on the same movie. I got a chance to recut the movie and really take it through post. The movie was what it was, but as an experience just to be able to take something through all that process was something which was pretty cool for me.

What I didn't want to do was to take everything I had done as an actor and just say, "Well, let me breeze into a position of a high level." I wanted to start and learn from the ground up.

Q: YOU EDITED ANOTHER FEATURE, RIGHT?

PB: Yeah, I worked on another feature called Nights as an editor. It was released under a bunch of different names. (laughs)

Q: LET'S SEE WHAT THE NAME I WROTE DOWN WAS... IT WAS... PATRIOT SON.

PB: Oh, God! Yeah. You're right! Jesus. That's right.

[AT THIS POINT WE GET A VISIT FROM NONE OTHER THAN VINCE VAUGHN HIMSELF, LOOKING VERY RUGGED AND TIRED... AND A BIT HUNG OVER]

VINCE VAUGHN (TO PETER): How ya doin'?

PB (to VINCE): Hey, man. You guys wanna take off?

VINCE (to PB): Naw, it's alright. I'm gonna have a soda or something.

PB: OK. We'll wrap this up in, what? Ten minutes or so?

Q: YEAH, NO MORE THAN 10 MINUTES.

VINCE: OK. Cool. [THEN VINCE TURNS TO ME] Hey, man. Are there any celebrations goin' on? [IT WAS CINCO DE MAYO, AFTER ALL]

Q: UM... NOT THAT I'VE HEARD OF.

VINCE: Nada?

Q: I'M SURE THERE ARE GONNA BE SOME HUGE PARTIES AROUND DOWNTOWN, THOUGH.

VINCE: Any, like, bands or anything playing tonight that you know of?

Q: I DON'T KNOW OF ANY SPECIFIC BANDS, BUT IF YOU GO DOWN TO 6TH STREET, EVERYBODY'S GONNA BE HOPPIN' TONIGHT.

VINCE: It's gonna be some crazy vibe goin' on...

PB (to VINCE): Sean called and said Alex, from Star Gun, is going to call some friends and see what's going on. But he's going to figure out what the hell's going on.

VINCE (to Peter): Do you have any cigarettes?

PB: No, I don't, but there's a gift shop right there. [THEN VINCE WANDERS AWAY FROM OUR TABLE TOWARDS THE GIFT SHOP] Umm....

Q: PATRIOT SUN.

PB: Yeah, Patriot Sun... So, I followed it through post a little bit, I cut some trailers and stuff, and was kinda just doing anything I could do in post because the handful of people that I had spoken to about me wanting to get to the other side, they said, "Go through the cutting room." It wasn't necessarily that I wanted to direct. I didn't know what it was, but I just wanted to learn and they said start there, learn there, spend some time there because in a lot of people's opinions it's where the majority of the story, after you have a wonderful script, it's where it's constructed. It's where a film can live or die by the edit.

Particularly after going through this journey on Made. I was talking to Harry about that and he said Coppola was the same way and the way he tests his movies... Even Made... Shit, our first cut was 2 hours and 30 minutes.

Q: HOW LONG IS THE CUT NOW?

PB: One hour 34 minutes. I was dozin' the first time I saw it. I mean, I was excited to see it, I was just like, "Holy shit!" So, it was smart and it was really good for me to go through that from the ground up.

Q: YOU WERE A PRODUCER ON THE X SHOW. HOW'D YOU GET INTO PRODUCING?

PB: I had optioned a couple of shows to produce, but nothing that ever went. I had written some things for some production companies, but nothing that ever went. A friend of mine got The X Show set up and asked me to come on.

From there, I certainly wanted to continue that work and work in film. I had known Vince for 12 years... We met on an afterschool special The Fourth Man...

Q: AND HE WAS PLAYING...

PB: He was... I was The Fourth Man, the catch phrase for the fourth man on a four man track team. I was a nerdy guy and he was my best friend, he was an athlete. My dad in the show was an athlete and I always looked up to him. I had never measured up in my dad's eyes, so I'm hanging out in this sporting goods store and I decided I'm going out for the track team. I made it, but I'm the fifth guy. My character really wanted to start on the team, just for my dad, once! And someone says, "You know, steroids can make you faster!" [WE BOTH LAUGH... A LOT.]

So, I'm like, "Really?" So, he goes through this whole thing... Hmmm. I don't have a short sleeve shirt on. [HE OBVIOUSLY WANTS TO DEMONSTRATE SOMETHING TO ME, AND I'M WEARING A SHORT SLEEVE SHIRT, SO I EXTEND MY ARM] OK. Here's you not on steroids. [JUST MY ARM] Here's you on steroids. [HE FLIPS UP MY SLEEVE, LIKE WHAT YOU'D DO IF YOU WERE A TEENAGER IN THE '50S AND NEEDED A PLACE TO PUT YOUR PACK OF SMOKES] (laughs)

VINCE (from across the room, over by the bar): You guys want anything to drink?

PB: No, I'm good. Thank you.

Q: I'M FINE. THANKS.

PB: Thank you very much. [BACK TO ME] And that was it. I was like, "I'm 140 pounds. What are you going to do when I'm on steroids?" They said, "Don't worry about it. We have an idea!" (laughs) That was great. Then I got a couple jets. And then he's (Vince) is like, "You're not the same anymore, man!" And I'm, like, "Yeah, I'm growin' up now and you're just jealous!" (laughs)

And then I go and finally my dad's there and he's proud of me, he doesn't know I'm takin' the juice. He's there for big race. I go, I get the baton, I'm running, I got the lead and I can see the finish line ahead and then I go, "Uhhhh" (HE GRABS HIS CHEST) and I get the heart attack. Smash cut to the hospital and the four page monologue about how your nuts will shrink, your hair'll fall out. (laughs) And he's like, "Wow, man! I had no idea!" So, that's how we met.

I'm sorta putting it down, which I'm not meaning to at all [SO HE SAYS, BUT HE'S GOT A LITTLE GRIN WHEN SAYING THAT LAST BIT], it was actually really cool. We just looked at it and you know... it's pretty damn cool. And John Tesh did the music for it. We were watching it and we didn't know that. We watched the credits and I went, "Holy shit! John Tesh did the music for that thing!"

Q: SO, MAYBE WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT MADE A LITTLE BIT...

PB: Yeah, probably. So, yeah... that sorta leads us to it. So, I was doing this stuff and met Jon after they met on Rudy and we all hung out. They said they were in the process of getting this picture set up over at Artisan and it was structured as a negative pickup and they needed some help doing it and would I like to help? So, it was a great opportunity. Certainly, I knew and trusted Vince and had known Jon a few years at point.

We sorta started out and it was myself and Vince and line producer John Stark and the four of us really had the responsibility of getting it done. Then after shooting it's just sorta been me and these two guys for the past 8 months just figuring it out. So, the blessing of it is that you have the autonomy, then you have the ability to in large part do what you what. Favrau was able to attain final cut, but the responsibility is you don't have the benefit of the studio managing the books, so it's your team that has to do it.

You can do what you want to do, but you can't get any more money, so you got to make sure you're planning everything out properly. So, there was a certain amount of responsibility that came with it for us, but we were able to set things up really effectively to create an environment to really cut effectively and to experiment with test screenings. Artisan has been really supportive of the project. It's been a real thrill and I'm real thankful to these guys for the opportunity to have gotten to work on this film. We've all gotten along great and all our friendships have endured. Now we just got our fingers crossed. We certainly had a positive response last night, which is great. We've been all together on this for 14 months.

Q: DO YOU SEE YOURSELF WORKING AS A PRODUCER NOW EXCLUSIVELY?

PB: I think so. I really enjoy it and it seems what I'm suited for at this time. It's not that I rule out acting by any means and it's something that I'd certainly like to go back to, but I've done it for a long time. I've been blessed with a lot of great roles and one AMAZING role, so there's no regrets at all. It's a time for change and this has really been a welcome change. It's something I just love.

Q: WE'RE WINDING DOWN NOW AND I KNOW VINCE IS WAITING, SO I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DIRTY JOKE?

PB: Oh, boy... (HE SITS QUIETLY THINKING FOR A WHILE)

Q: I CAN SEE THE GEARS TURNING...

PB: Yeah, the gears are turning. Um,.....

Q: COME ON... LAST TIME I WAS IN THIS VERY HOTEL INTERVIEWING SOMEBODY IT WAS CHRIS MCQUARRIE FOR THE WAY OF THE GUN AND HE GAVE ME A GREAT JOKE. DON'T MAKE THE FOUR SEASONS UNLUCKY FOR ME, NOW.

PB: What was his?

Q: HE COULDN'T THINK OF ONE TO START OFF WITH, SO HE WENT, "TELL ME SOME OF THE JOKES YOU'VE HEARD," AND I TOLD HIM A COUPLE OF JOKES FROM MY PAST INTERVIEWS AND HE CAME UP WITH ONE [And I badly retold McQuarrie's joke which can be read here http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=6774 ]

PB: I don't know. I'm not a really big joke guy, but... It's not really a dirty joke, but I just heard it. A boy goes to his father and he says, "What's the difference between theoretically and technically?" The dad says, "Here's what I want you to do. I want you to go to your mother and ask her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for One Million Dollars. I want you to go to your sister and ask her if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars and I want you to go to your brother and ask him if he'd fuck Tom Cruse for a million dollars. Then I want you to gather the information and come back and talk to me."

So, he goes to his mom and he says, "Mom, would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" She goes, "Robert Redford? Are you crazy, of course I'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars." Then he goes to his sister and asks, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" And she goes, "One million dollars? I'd be crazy to pass up an offer like that!" Then he goes up to his brother and says, "Hey, would you fuck Tom Cruise for one million dollars?" He goes, "You know what a million dollars could get me? Of course!"

The kid thinks about it for a couple of days and goes back to his dad. His dad says, "So, did you think about it?" He says, "Yeah." The dad says, "Well, what did you come up with?" The kid goes, "Well, theoretically we're sitting on three million dollars. Technically, we're living with two sluts and a fag."

Q: BRAVO! BEFORE YOU GO, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO ADD?

PB: Ah... no... Just that Made opens July 13th and we got a really cool soundtrack that will be released on Red Line. I think the movie speaks for itself and I'm just thrilled that I've been able to work with these guys.

And there you have it, squirties. That should satiate you fine folks for a while. That