Movie News

A Pair Of Looks At JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK!!!

Published at: June 15, 2001, 12:05 a.m. CST by staff

Hey folks, Harry here... I was sitting in line in Austin for a sneak of THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS here in Austin, Texas when my phone rings with an enthusiastic Arizonian Reader that saw JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK... "It's Kevin Smith's Best Film Ever," he exuded to me... He was going to be writing a review tonight, but I suppose the excitement got to him and he felt tired and will write in tomorrow about it. As it is, we've got two looks (BOTH WITH MORE SPOILERS THAN I CARE FOR) but I can say that it looks like the film will get my New York Kitten purring like the minx that she is... she's no feverdog about Smith films, but a pure Anne Margaret... Kitten with a Whip when it comes to all things Smith... Well babe, read on... unless you want to stay pure.... um, too late... here ya go....

I am Lady-Jaye. I've always wanted to contribute and last night I got something worth contributing . . . I think.

Last night I attended a test screening of a new film. The screening was held at the Harkins Theater in the Arizona Mills Mall. We were not told before hand what movie we would see and I expecting American Pie 2 or Scary Movie 2. Thus I was surprised when they announced that we would be seeing the new Kevin Smith film Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

Before I begin my review I should say that while I have seen all of Kevin Smith's films I wouldn't call myself a fan. Clerks is an irrefutable classic if only for his best dialogue to date and the lesson in how to turn a low-budget into an advantage. Mallrats was essentially a Savage Steve Holland movie with a dirtier mouth. Chasing Amy, his strongest film to date, managed to cover an impressive amount of philosophical terrain in a relatively short amount of time but revealed his weakness in the dramatic structure department. Dogma was clever and occasionally brilliant but all too often got bogged down by Smith's theological gymnastics. One element common to all of Smith's films that has not worked for me since Clerks is the Jay & Silent Bob bit.

Having said that, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back (henceforth to be referred to herein as J&SBSB) is . . . well, I found it very entertaining. Why do I hesitate? Because J&SBSB wasn't really made for me. In fact, J&SBSB wasn't made for most people. J&SBSB was made for the Kevin Smith fan. From the appearance of every major Smith character (requiring some doubling up, role-wise) to the slew of Miramax jokes to the attacks on Smith regulars Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, one's enjoyment of the film is completely hinged on a knowledge of Smith's past work.

In a way it's upsetting to see Smith replacing his brilliant pop-culture references with brilliant Kevin Smith references. Were I more cynical person I might even call the film Kevin Smith's tribute to Kevin Smith movies. As I am not, however, a terribly cynical person I applaud Mr. Smith for crafting what may very well be the longest inside joke ever committed to film.

But I am being unfair. The film does have a plot and an agenda beyond glorifying all things Smith. I always feel like plot summaries are rather redundant on a site like this so I'll keep it brief. The movie opens with a Star Wars style opening (no opening crawl, though we were told that the opening and closing credits were only temporary). We are then taken to a very funny "origin scene" involving the first meeting of our title characters (if you've ever tried to teach a toddler to cuss, this scene is for you). We are then transported to the present day and almost immediately treated to appearances by the Clerks themselves (the first of many such cameos and accompanying cheers from the audience). The plot moves quickly through the first 15 minutes of the film. In a nutshell:

Jay & Silent Bob, no longer allowed to hang out around their favorite convenience store, become obsessed with halting production of a movie based on a comic book that is based on them (if that last sentence makes no sense to you whatsoever, you are probably one of the aforementioned non-Kevin Smith fans who should not see this movie). The source of their indignation has nothing to do with the fact that they were not informed that the movie was being made and that they will receive no royalties, but rather that losers on the internet are posting unfavorable comments about their fictional namesakes on www.moviepoopshoot.com as a result of the film. What ensues is a road picture and a parody of the sort of mind-numbing, crowd-pleasing, stomach churning schlock that Hollywood has been throwing at us every Summer since 1975 ˆ barely legal, nymphomaniac diamond thieves, exploding conversion vans, clothed orangutans who hug, kiss, and foil criminal schemes, and so on. The parody is almost too subtle, however (if any film that includes a running gag about a terrorist organization acronymically known as C.L.I.T. may be referred to as subtle) and will leave many audience members wondering which cheesy moments were spoof and which were sincere. The more specific parody doesn't work at all. Such is the case with a stale as yesterday's jelly doughnut Fugitive spoof. (or maybe it was just Will Farrell).

On the other hand, the film's commentary on internet movie web-sites (like the one you're on) and their frequenters (like you & me) is spot-on and hilarious, though such commentary is just as esoteric as the Smith references and will likely induce few laughs from the average moviegoer.

Another item of note is the high production value. Nothing about the look of this movie suggests Kevin Smith and somehow that just seems to be part of the parody.

The much ballyhooed appearances by Carrie Fisher & Mark Hamill are amuzing, though neither is used very well. Appearances by James Vanderbeek, George Carlin, Shannon Doherty, and the kid from American Pie are much better though they are indicative of the films biggest flaw ˆ the Hollywood commentary which comprises the third act isn't nearly as sharp as it could have been. The Hollywood depicted in J&SBSB is nearly identical to that depicted in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. In that film it worked because it fit in with the rest of Pee Wee's reality. In J&SBSB it seems a little too distant and remote and thus the commentary has little sting to it. There are some priceless moments ˆ Chris Rock as a Spike Lee style angry, black director and Gus Van Sandt with a lap full of money bags spring to mind. But such moments are few and far between. By the way, watch for an appearance by everyone's favorite Man Without Fear.

I may sound critical but the fact remains that I did enjoy the movie -- just not, I suspect, as much as a real fan would. As a casual fan, I hope this will be the last film set in the Clerks universe. In many ways the film suggests that it will be. Personally, I would love to see Smith do something completely different. But that's neither here, nor there. If you're eagerly anticipating the release of this film, I think you will not be disappointed. If you are a casual fan of Kevin Smith it won't hurt. If you couldn't care less, you won't be missing much.

Lady-Jaye

And then if my darling Kitten wants to read more, here's a few tiny spoiler bits, till we get more from Frederick I.B. Green....

Harry,

It's late I'm about to doze off in front of my keyboard right about now.... Sometime today when I'm awake I will have a extensive review of Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. Here are some spoilers 4 u. In the order of importance!

1- Jay & Silent Bob get revenge! Bloody revenge on all of their 'net critics'!

2- Cameo apperance of the Mystery Machine and the whole Scooby gang! Jay gives them "Doobie Snacks" and they all clam bake in the van!

3- George Carlin plays a hitchiker who give head for a ride!

4- Way too many Planet Of The Apes refrences.

5- The most important lesson in the movie is: Never talk shit about Morris Day and the TIME!!!

Will have more for you later.

Frederick I.B. Green

Readers Talkback

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  • June 15, 2001, 12:08 a.m. CST

    This movie will kick ass. Fuck all of you yanks, an aussie beat

    by Joe Mammary

    Bluntman. chronic. Snoggans. How can you go wrong? But man, Kevin Smith needs to shed those pounds. He's a triple coronary waiting to happen, although Harry is a quadruple coronary, followed by massive brain hemmoraging.

  • June 15, 2001, 12:09 a.m. CST

    One more thing Harry. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR KITTEN ALREADY

    by Joe Mammary

    Okay, man, we're all happy an obese guy can get chicks. But dude, like she isn't ugly as a hatful of smacked assholes.

  • June 15, 2001, 12:17 a.m. CST

    I want Kevin Smith's career

    by Withnail

    I want to write comic books and make movies and get Star Wars people to make cameos. I'd hate him if i didn't love him so damn much. Thanks Harry for the continued fine use of the word "Kitten"

  • June 15, 2001, 2:14 a.m. CST

    Hey Antifonz PEDOPHILIA IS A CRIME

    by Joe Mammary

    Hahaha you disgusting cradle snatcher. Where'd you pick her up, the dressing rooms in the Gap? Come on dude, a 30 year old fucking a 17 year old is bad enough, but raving about it on the net? Shit man, you win the 'Wanker of the year' award. Or maybe Cradle Snatcher of the Year.

  • June 15, 2001, 2:19 a.m. CST

    Oh man...

    by scudd

    Okay, I just finished laughing my ass off at AntiFonz's "black poet" thing. Back to the movie...I cant wait to see it. Granted, this movie will probably not be for everyone, but I am a fanboy and a huge Smith fan. His movies havent revolutionized the motion picture, but they are pretty entertaining. I am glad this is the last one, though. I, too, would like to see him do something new. I think he's got a great deal of potential. Anyway, great review, Lady-Jaye. Oh, and about that Kitten thing...hmm...I figure the mystery around it could be one of two things. Either she is someone famous, or she is a man. But either way, use protection Harry.

  • June 15, 2001, 2:42 a.m. CST

    Dear ANTIFONZ

    by Call Me Roy

    Hope you don't end up on a screen in a mall in a very uncomfortable place.

  • June 15, 2001, 4:50 a.m. CST

    I know who Knowles is Knocking...

    by SirReal

    It's of course a bitch he met when he was in NZ, covering the LotR filming. And imagine this: Harry Knowles humping Liv Tyler on a regular basis! THAT idea creates vivid picyures in my head that makes me wanna whip out the old monkey.

  • June 15, 2001, 5:14 a.m. CST

    Antifonz is one of those....

    by Jay

    fat, greasy old guys you always pictured on the other side of the screen. Jacking off with the right hand and the shotgun on the other. So where's your next target? The elementary school? Anyhow, where the fuck are you living that it's legal? And why hasn't her father killed you yet? And why the fuck you sleeping with a goddamn kid? This might be alright 500 years ago but now it isn't something to be desired. And this fucking sack of shit, Antifonz, is complaining about Harry?! At least his kitten is probably of age! Why do good people die and people like you continue to live? I'm sorry, but my friend, you deserve to be tied to a boat and dragged through a coral reef until dead. But what do I know, I'm only 17 myself. OK enough with the child molester. Let's talk on-topic! I was excited about Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back until I saw the trailer cut by Kevin Smith. It was so not funny. It was more like a "please for God sakes make it stop make it stop!! Mama? Are you here mommy?! Mommy!!!! Please don't make me watch it again mommy! Oh dear God, please!!" kind of trailers. But I still had hope for Kevin Smith. So, I'll most likely see it. I'll watch anything that claims to be a movie. Alright kids, here's some fun little factoids to chew on: Weezer sucks and Tool rocks. Weezer sucks and Tool rocks. It's easy and peasy. Antifonz needs to die. Is Fatboy Roberts always talking shit? I've never seen someone so angry! 6 months and 4 days till THE movie hits. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you come to the wrong place. That Godfather Trilogy DVD set is a gift from God. Antifonz is never going to be able to meet God. 29 year olds banging 17 year olds isn't good. Slealing a little girl away from her family, fucking her, and ruining her life and you won't let her move in with you? Someone please kill Antifonz! I'm sorry everybody, it's just that people like him get on my nerves. Some people will insult Harry right on his website but it's the best fucking site on the net. Where in the hell could you do this? Fuck fuck tits pussy fuckity fuck fuck. kmart.com? You guys oughta count your blessings. Thanks Harry for this site and thanks to all the talkbackers who hate Fred Durst. Hey, I hate him too! Wait a sec, do we have an extra rope we could use. Fred meet Antifonz, Antifonz meet Fred. You will be dying together. Hey, really where are you living Antifonz. Perhaps I could move there and get Jennifer Connelly to date me? That would be like Heaven. But that won't happen. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

  • June 15, 2001, 5:52 a.m. CST

    ...count me as one...

    by deftone

    ...of those kevin smith fans who will enjoy it. i've been wondering how he's going to go out with this film, i can't wait! whee!....anyone know a hard release date on this (oh, hell i can go to view askew, but don't want to just have my talkback say "i can't wait! whee!")

  • June 15, 2001, 6:14 a.m. CST

    Idiots in tha hizouse

    by exador

    Hey all......just to get started..there are a few too many morons in this talkback. antifonz, Fatboy Roberts etc. good lord..even the youngster Jay!...look kid...we're all happy that you're enjoying the talkback experience...but give it a break...have a cream-soda and chill the fuck out...try not to mention things like "I'll watch anything that claims to be a movie"...saying shite like that pretty much lets us know not to listen to anything else you have to say...but you're young and I suppose you'll learn... as for the trailer...personally i think it was inspired...one of the funniest i've seen in ages.....this is the movie we've all been waiting for...the first review, while somewhat insightful, made me chuckle...as a fan of his, i WANT to see a movie full of inside 'kevin smith" jokes....i think that would be hilarious..it would be the best kind of way to finish off the jersey films....i understand that would make it a bit hard for non fans to get into it...but frankly fuck them....why should us fans not get the picture we deserve?!?...this is the final chapter in a wickedly funny series...it SHOULD be for the fans...and i for one and happy about that..... exador out

  • June 15, 2001, 6:29 a.m. CST

    Kevin, I don't care what you do next

    by Alonzo Hawk

    I know it will ROCK!

  • June 15, 2001, 6:44 a.m. CST

    One thing I'll say about Kevin Smith...

    by Cosmik Debris

    Either you love his films, or you're not a loser.

  • June 15, 2001, 7:35 a.m. CST

    Bender?

    by TomCovenant

    Not the bender that sick child molester is on, but what about the rumored Judd Nelson/John Bender cameo? Was it in the final cut?

  • June 15, 2001, 7:50 a.m. CST

    So now of course

    by Darth Brooks

    I'll have to go to the J&SBSB premiere and gnaw on a bag of Top Ramen during the movie. It's always best that way, unless you want to boil it with some stirred-in eggs, but then it's no longer good Movie Food. Not a peep on which Hicks cousin is in the film? Is Lee playing Banky or Brody or Beelzebub?

  • June 15, 2001, 7:50 a.m. CST

    This movie is about...

    by Billy Pilgrim

    the deadpan postmodern horrors that we must face in this hostile absurd world of ours. The experience of witnessing such a masterpiece is true vagary.

  • June 15, 2001, 8:30 a.m. CST

    DOGMA WAS HORRIBLE, MORE INSIDE JOKES?

    by MOVIE WRITER

    Dogma was the worst movie I ever saw. Only thing good about Chasing Amy and Mallrats is Jason Lee.

  • June 15, 2001, 8:37 a.m. CST

    Snootchie, Bootchie Noonchies!

    by Acid_Rain327

    Fuck yeah, this movie is gonna kick ass. Sad that Kevin is hanging up the ol' black coat for the last time, though... still, there's always the rumblings of the Clerks animated series making a comeback in the form of an movie, or a return to TV. Anyway... this movie is gonna kick ass, and I'll be there opening day with all my film-going friends. Should be a kickass, hilarious time to be had by all. Oh, and Harry - I'm with the rest of them about all this shit about the Kitten. Anne Margeret? Probably more like Margaret Thatcher...but more power to you, man. Eh, maybe that was out of line. I'm happy for you - but it really has no place here anymore.. not that it ever did. Oh, and Darth Brooks: looks like Lee is playing both Brodie Bruce and Banky Edwards, but no word on Azrael. And it looks like Brian O'Halloran is just playing Dante; no word on Gil Hicks.

  • June 15, 2001, 8:45 a.m. CST

    opportunity to reduce antifonz...

    by savage lollipop

    ... to the pathetic pile of three day old semen wipes he is. This thing that calls himself antifonz has a host of serious problems that only an ignorant 17 year old wouldn't notice. Hence grown women don't find him worth a glance. It's clear that such a man hasn't yet figured out how to give a woman an orgasm, doesn't know the difference between a woman's skull and a pile of ground meat, isn't sure whether or not he wants his boy pussy used and torn by a big hairy bear, was molested as a child and so can only mate at an emotional and intellectual distance that gives him plenty of space to run, has warts all over his cock, likes jabbing pens into his urethra, and thinks his shit smells really good. This poor stupid girl deigns to taste this guy's bodily fluids, and he complains about it online? If I knew your girl antifonz I would give her a lesson in self-esteem and not only would she never want to move in with you, you'd wake up in excrutiating pain while she smashed your dick with a computer. But even so i promise you she'll remember you as a repulsive loser as she goes into bigger and better things and you whine into your beer.

  • June 15, 2001, 9:23 a.m. CST

    Its crap really

    by dariusflamebrain

    What is all the fuss? FANBOYS DIE!! TTFN

  • June 15, 2001, 10:08 a.m. CST

    You know what I love?

    by Jay

    I love people like exador! They'll get on here and complain about someone complaining. Then I can humiliate them. What seems worse? Me, not very happy that a child molester inhabits the talkback or exador whining like a little bitch with a skinned knee (sorry, I had to put that there. Gotta stay on-topic!) because I had to get something off my chest? Really, is there another rope on that boat? You, antifonz, and Fred Durst will make quick friends. Why can't there be more cool people like 00Unclefucka who says something funny? I don't know but antifonz and weezer could talk about stalking the middle school while listening to shitty music in the background. And the whole thing about watching any movie, that means I'll give any movie a chance. If you don't, then you can't call yourself a movie fan. That doesn't mean I'll like any movie that comes out. You're just sad because you like Pearl Harbor. Putting an e at the end of shit is almost as lame as a boy band. Oh well, maybe you'll die. And remember kids, I'm one of the good guys.

  • June 15, 2001, 10:10 a.m. CST

    ANTIFONZ is a moron

    by nexus9

    This guys is seems to think that being a sexist is cool and that people will respect him for it(what a fucking child!)!! He announces that he is so sad that he has to go out with some one who`s only 17!!!! This guy must be some loser. When i heard this guy first talk("women should be on thier knees giving head where they belong") I thought he was like, 14... and he`s 29! Is this guy retarded? Answers on a postcard folks!

  • June 15, 2001, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Askew Fan-boys UNITE...someone find where Lady-Jaye lives and be

    by twonkenn

    By the way, I dug the Flint reference a few posts ago...you beat me to it. I for one will be there bells on Kev and Scott. As will all of my fan-boy friends. I will miss the Askew universe when it's retired after this film (btw...didn't I attend Ozzy's farewell tour about 10 years ago? Make you think if we've seen the last of jay and Bob.) I am looking forward to a different kind of Kevin Smith movie though. KEVIN PLEASE LOCK DOWN A MARVEL PROPERTY AND DO US ALL A FAVOR!!!!

  • June 15, 2001, 12:34 p.m. CST

    hahahah touche....now i must kill you young jedi

    by exador

    nice one, nice one....got me with my mouth open there...ouch....ok ok ok...so complaining about complaining is bad form...i'll take that one on the chin....hard to take it from a youngster, but so beit...see that's what i like, i like young punks that aren't afraid to jump in and talk shit....they may occasionaly sound like ignorant kids, mostly when they're trying to sound hardcore and wise beyond their years but for the most part they're ok....so truce, .................and for the record i wouldn't sit through a movie like pearl harbour....no interest there...fred durst is lame, i agree, weezer's first album (which i admit may have come out when you were about 11) is a classic....check it out...the first track is great....so there ya have it ....a truce is offered along with a backhanded compliment or two...that's the beauty of talk back...no one goes away mad...we just keep coming back to see what people said about us while we were away...

  • June 15, 2001, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Yes let bygones be bygones exador

    by Jay

    You're right, the first one came out before my balls dropped. All the geeky suburb kids thought it was the best thing since bread came sliced. Now they're either a poser goth or punk. And it's a good thing you don't like Pearl Harbor, because it sucks. A. Lot. Michael Bay needs his throat slit with a spoon. And remember kids, I'm one of the good guys.

  • June 15, 2001, 1:05 p.m. CST

    This is one of the funniest talkbalks ever...

    by twonkenn

    Bitch, complain and whine all you want people, but you LOVE it. You love antifonz's child molesting, Jay! saying fuck, fuck, fuck, and the fact the Harry's gettin laid. LOVE it! You're eating up. Ya'll have been posting all day to this shit. And I think Weezer kicks ass Jay!...in case you didn't know it, the band is made up of fanboy geeks like the rest of us. If you don't believe me listen to the words to "In My Garage" off their debut. D & D, comic book and KISS references abound. But yes, Tool kicks ass as well. Fred Durst must die as well. But can Eminem go to? POWER TO THE OFF-TOPIC TALKBACKERS!

  • "Bee-dee, bee-dee, bee-dee." I mean what kind of fucking robot says that? YM-3 and Robby should take him out in the alley and beat his little metallic ass into a scrap heap.

  • June 15, 2001, 5:20 p.m. CST

    "HI, I'm really sick of the 'Kitten' talk, so lets babble about

    by Critical Bill

  • June 15, 2001, 6:11 p.m. CST

    I thought ANTIFONZ..

    by Johnny Demonic

    was a homo? He's full of shit about the 17 year old.

  • June 15, 2001, 7:26 p.m. CST

    Kevin Smith

    by hktelemacher

    Hasn't a lick of visual presence, but like he says, his style is that he has no style. His writing is awesome. And I just now remembered that there was supposed to be a Dogma novel he wrote that was to be released before the movie - I'd like to see some prose work but not Dogma. I for one am psyched that he's making a movie for the Kevin Smith fans - I like to consider myself a big one, I've even seen all four of his flicks on the big screen, which I'm sure is so uncommon but it's my understanding that by the time word of mouth hit the masses on Smith, the Jersey Trilogy was all out on video. There's really nothing like the great experience of seeing "Clerks" at a midnight screening with a packed house where the darkness was pierced by the lighting of hash pipes and when Jay and Silent Bob came on for the first time the entire crowd went absolutely fucking apeshit. It was like a religious experience, because although Smith isn't the best, I think most people who really enjoy his work for what it is are top knotch. He does dialogue right, and his intellectual locker room talk is awesome. Speaking of locker room talk, Harry - the guys who don't brag about it, are the guys who are getting the real goods. I hope your kitten doesn't look at the site much, because my lady would bitch slap me, and I'd have to let her.

  • June 15, 2001, 7:56 p.m. CST

    twonkenn is right...this talk back was hilarious

    by exador

    this has to be one of the funnier talkbacks in a while..first we get a kitten fest, then two morons chat to each other and one claims to be fucking a 17 yr old..then jay! comes on, yells about stuff and says fuck a bunch of times, I come in, diss him and everyone else, then jay comes back and shows me what a dick i was, i come back to appologise, and and in the mean time the rest of the gang here has made me laugh more than i have in a while....the posts in aicn have been a wee bit dry lately...or maybe i missed the good ones...any way, cheers to jay! twonkenn, and uncapie..always a pleasure to see your names!!....ciao!, exador.....

  • June 15, 2001, 10:22 p.m. CST

    a parody of the sort of mind-numbing, crowd-pleasing, stomach ch

    by EddieDane

    People who know film (and Kevin Smith fans DO NOT know film) know that Kevin Smith just provides the indie version of those Hollywood blockbusters. Face facts, people: he can't direct, he can't edit, and he can't even write (I'll admit he writes OK dialogue sometimes, but he can't write a story for shit). If you are a Kevin Smith fan, you know absolutely nothing about film and you never will.

  • June 15, 2001, 11:48 p.m. CST

    I'll be the first to vouch that EddieDane has never seen Chasing

    by Acid_Rain327

    All I got to say about that.

  • June 16, 2001, 5:49 a.m. CST

    Yeah, Acid Rain, I saw it

    by EddieDane

    Now maybe you can tell me what exactly the point of that movie was, beyond "Gay People Are OK!" And tell me how it's any different from Flawless while you're at it.

  • June 16, 2001, 6:35 a.m. CST

    how unfunny of you....EddieDane..we shall smite thee

    by exador

    ok...here's the idea...we're all kevin smith fans...and you are not...makes one wonder why you want to hang out in this particular talkback...sir you sound like a troll to me...get thee hence, before you are taunted a second time....jackass...

  • June 16, 2001, 7:28 a.m. CST

    exador, you poor, misguided fool

    by EddieDane

    I am not hanging out in this talkback merely to ridicule you; I'm trying to enlighten you! To save your filmgoing soul! Kevin Smith is a hack, and until you realize that, you are doomed to wander in the darkness of your own ignorance. Do not ignore me, lad; I am your sheperd.

  • June 16, 2001, 8:59 a.m. CST

    HAHAHAHA

    by deadfiller

    :::If you are a Kevin Smith fan, you know absolutely nothing about film and you never will.::: Ok Dr. Goofy... no, I've never seen and enjoyed films such as Citizen Kane, Metropolis, Carnival Of Souls, Nosferatu, Casablanca, Dr. Strangelove, or a plethora of other classis. And I certainly don't own any of these on various vhs, dvd, or laserdisc versions. Go somewhere else and sell yer hate, cancer merchant!

  • June 16, 2001, 2:31 p.m. CST

    KITTY

    by Axwell Tiberius

  • June 16, 2001, 2:39 p.m. CST

    OOPS....

    by Axwell Tiberius

    I sent the damn talkback before I wrote.....damn me! Anyway, I'm glad someone mentione d the fact that they are sick of hearing about Kitty. I was just ranting and raving quietly to myself when I noticed others are tired of it also. OK YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND -- WE BELIEVE YOU! I enjoy reading the dish about the latest comings and goings, but it is kinda irritating to have it peppered with stuff like "I was thinking of my precious Kitty last night....sigh" It was fine at first, now it seems like every post I click on has something pertaining to Harry's Kitty. Ugh. Now that I have over reacted to a slight peeve, I think this movie will kick ass much like the rest of Smiths films (and comics) with the noteable exception of Chasing Amy. Note to self: Don't cast highly irritating skank girlfriend as female lead in movie. Have a nice day. >:)

  • June 16, 2001, 3:22 p.m. CST

    EddieDane...

    by Acid_Rain327

    Chasing Amy wasn't making the statement that "Gay people are OK!". Hell, it wasn't even close to that. It was about coming to terms with one's own insecurities -- both on a personal level, and in a relationship, and eventually finding one's self. Holden has to struggle with coming from a "normal", suburban up-bringing, and being the mainstream guy/occassional voice of reason, to falling in love with an assumed lesbian. From there, he soon has to come to terms with his own insecurities and feelings which surface as a result of the developing relationship. Of course, his insecurities end up being self-destructive in the end, but he learns about himself, and those around him. ******* How you got the idea that the film was nothing more than a pro-homosexuality statement is beyond me, seeing as how the only clearly defined homosexual person in the film was the secondary "Hooper" character. Alyssa Jones wasn't even gay - she had just decided to leave all possibilities open in finding her soul mate. When that individual turned out to be a dude, she made the decision to hide her past relationships with men, to protect Holden from his own insecurities. It made him feel special to think he had been the only dude she'd ever been with, and she knew this, so she hid the truth from him. And when that illusion was shattered, his inability to deal with his girlfriend's more exciting and unusual past, and the fact that he didn't have to try and measure up to those past experiences, was the relationship's undoing. It was fine with him that she had only had crazy experiences with girls, but when he learned that he wasn't the only guy she had taken part in such activities with, he couldn't deal with it. this rings pretty true to most guys in relationships, if they're honest - myself included. So... are you sure you and I saw the same movie?

  • June 16, 2001, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Fuck all you limp dick fanboys

    by Harry'sNYCKitten

    Yeah, that's right motherfuckers. I'm finally setting the record straight. I screw Harry Knowles, and let me tell you, his ass isn't the only part of his body that's fat as hell. You people only wish you could have the hot, sweaty, greasy sex we have every time my little love slave is in my home town. You fanboys can go and download your porn all night long -- my fanboy gives it to me whenever I ask. Oh, and ANTIFONZ -- why not try upgrading to an adult model, you fucking sicko.

  • June 16, 2001, 7:29 p.m. CST

    Could this finally be a movie that is worth a summer release?

    by Smugbug

    I just read about this in the current issue of Wizard magazine. Sounds very promising. I loved Chasing Amy, found Clerks very amusing and didn't quite get into Dogma. But I have liked Kevin Smith's writing for Green Lantern - some good stuff. I'll see this flick on opening weekend.

  • June 16, 2001, 7:46 p.m. CST

    "FUCKIN' ONE HIT WONDER, DIME STORE FRANK MILLERS"

    by WaLtFlaNaGaNsDoG

    SNOOTCH 2 THA NOOTCH...

  • June 16, 2001, 8:18 p.m. CST

    Eddie Dane, Hey, hey, HEY!

    by Jack D. Ripper

    IT'S FAT ALBERT! But in all seriousness, there are some issues to be dealed with, so let's dive right in. First, Eddie Dane, I am a great admirer of the films of Seregi M. Eisenstein, Fritz Lang, Akira Kurosawa, Jean-Luc Godard, Francois Truffaut, Federico Fellini, Michael Powell & Emeric Pressburger(AKA the Archers), Ingmar Bergman, Sidney Lumet, Orson Welles, David Mamet, Abbas Kiarostami, Stanley Kubrick, Woody Allen, Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorsese, Joel & Ethan Coen, Tim Burton, Spike Lee and Michael Mann.(I also like such young turks as Cameron Crowe, Sam Mendes, David Fincher, Darren Aronofsky Spike Jonze, Wes & Paul Thomas Anderson(yes, they're unrelated)and Alexander Payne, if that does anything for you). I know this sounds like self-serving, "I'm so great" name-dropping, but it's not. What's the point of all this? I also very much enjoy the works of Kevin Smith. Including "Mallrats" and the "Clerks" TV show. So I guess those guys I just mentioned have nothing to do with important filmmaking, huh? Also, ANTIFONZ needs to be jailed and screwed in a VERY uncomfortable place. Seriously, what kind of a "relationship" can a 17-year-old and 30-year-old have? I'm sure that it's based on a strong foundation of mutual respect, loving, nurturing friendship, common interests(movies, books, politics, art, et al.)and above all a general warm feeling of universal well-being on the parts of both concerned that can ONLY be attained through being with-and not neccessarily FUCKING-each other. Am I right, Antifonz? Please, give us a break. You can legally buy beer and cigarettes, and probably have a car. Christ, you're a fucking asshole. Listen: 17-year-old girls should ONLY be screwing guys that are 21 at the ERY MOST. You're a BAD man. Also, Kevin Smith can do no wrong. He's like a more scatalogical, self-conscious Woody Allen or David Mamet for our generation(granted he's not as subtly, intellectually witty as Allen or as brilliant a writer as Mamet, but he's younger and less serious)I am glad that he's giving Jay and Silent Bob a "last hurrah" so he can become a "serious filmmaker", because as much as I love those 2 goofballs, they're what's holding him back as a filmmaker. Trust me, once he gets past all the in-jokes, references to other movies, inter-connectedness of all his films and those 2 goofballs, leaves all that behind, he'll REALLY take off. Oh, and it wouldn't hurt if he learned to move a fucking camera more than three feet over two hours.

  • June 16, 2001, 8:37 p.m. CST

    Oh my God. He's on about the "Kitten " again. You know it's real

    by heywood jablomie

    The thought of that dude's naked flesh slapping together with another's in a burlesque of lust is odious to all right-thinking people.

  • June 16, 2001, 8:43 p.m. CST

    I love these idiots who chastize a 29-year-old guy for fucking a

    by heywood jablomie

    "Child molester" my ass. I have one thing to say to the geeks who are tut-tutting this guy (who no doubt is making this shit up in the first place): YOU WISH!!!!

  • June 16, 2001, 9:45 p.m. CST

    I've refrained from posting here for, like, two years. And today

    by Alferd Packer

    Few things. 1) The 17 year-old sleeping with Jerry Lee Lewis is either retarded or an anorexic with serious self-esteem issues. 2) The dude who said that a Kevin Smith fan can't be a fan of film is a chode. That's all I have to say about that. True, few is "more than three things," so I had a COUPLE of things to say. I quote Andrew Dice Clay in reference to reading the AICN Talkbacks: "It's like masturbating with a cheese grater. At first it's amusing, but after a while it's painful." Thank you. And may God have mercy on your soul.

  • June 16, 2001, 10:11 p.m. CST

    I want to see "Pearl Harbor 2: Pearl Harder"!

    by Jay

    Hey it's me again. I just got back and I went to look if antifonz said anything. Guess not. What a pussy. I read the post from twonkenn and it struck a nerve of truth. I love when assholes like antifonz comes on and says something completely stupid and I can talk shit. It's one of my guilty pleasures. But, the only thing I get geeky about is movies. I don't read comic books. They just don't do it for me. I like to read long-winded novels from Stephen King and Clive Barker. And I have never played Dungeons and Dragons. I live in the deep south so hobbies around here is fishing and fighting. Seriously. Sad, isn't it? Everybody in Florida thinks The Mummy is the best movie ever. That's even sadder. And Kiss is the worst fucking band ever!!! They just rode in on Sabbath's coat tails, played shitty music, ditched the face paint for makeup in the 80's because it was "cool", went back to the face paint, and continues to play shitty music. Knights in Satan's Service is KISS, so that's cool right? No. Those fogeies needs to get stabbed through the heart with a sword. And Eminem does get a ticket for the boat ride, but he has to get his nuts munched on by wild boars while a horse fucks him in the ass. He's the most irresponsible shithead I've ever seen. Here's some of his lyrics: "Hate fags, I do", or something like that. On the video there's two men fixing to get married and kiss and he breaks it up, making a disgusted face. He then later makes up some lame excuse. He said that ya know you sit at home and call each other gay and shit. This guy is the embodiment of hate and he really doesn't deserve to live. Oh well. Cheers to exador, twonkenn, and unclefucka for not saying the normal "Harry is fat", "Get a life, you geeks", and the new one "Stop talking about your kitten! Oh God please shoot me. I need a girlfriend....". You three have made my day. Jeers to Heywood Jablomie for protecting this antifonz. Well of course a 29 year old banging a 17 old girl doesn't seem to be robbing the cradle to you. You're fucking 9 year old boys! So fuck you and fuck antifonz. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck. And the new quote of the moment is: Sum41 is a shitty band. Thank you.

  • June 16, 2001, 10:37 p.m. CST

    Kevin Smith fans aren't REAL movie fans ...

    by hktelemacher

    ... apparently we're the fake kind. Eddie Dane says Smith can't write a good story? "Chasing Amy" was actually a beautiful story with raw emotions and universal points of about love that I relate to more and more each time I see it. Smith's films may not have much "plot" in the traditional sense of the word, even "Dogma", which could have been a typical action-adventure film with a religious twist, stayed clear of the formula. In fact, "Dogma" was really great until it came to the climax when plot became more important than characters and his directing capabilities were in the climactic sequences were not on par with his writing talent. The only thing of Smith's I disliked was the "Superman Lives" script I read on the net - I had such high expectations and it fell way short. And I'd like to think that Kevin Smith fans aren't the same people who really dig some of the shit that's being passed off as film these days. I think that Smith has fans of all shapes and sizes, but I really think that Smith is an intellectual in disguise as a potty-mouth. Did I just say potty-mouth? Fuck. Oh well. My favorite movie may be "L.A Story" but I know that Kurosawa and Truffaut are light years better - and I am very film literate. Smith is funny on a gross-out level and smart enough to make it really work, and that's his appeal.

  • June 17, 2001, 10:27 a.m. CST

    An older gentleman once gave me some crucial advice...

    by Bry-Guy

    ...he said to me: "Bry-Guy, you have to fuck 17 year-olds as long as you can, as MUCH as you can, because it's all downhill after that." Guess what I did? Well, I got my self a 17 year-old girl and I fucked her. But I was 17 at the time, too. I stopped talking to that sick motherfucker after hearing his advice and I reccommend that everybody stop talking to ANTIFONZ. He just proved himself to be the opposite of cool, like his moniker states. There are certain individuals in this existence that genuinely believe that nothing means everything, and that banging a toddler when you're wearing DEPENDS means that you've somehow made it and have accomplished something. I encourage anybody else that can identify with ANTIFONZ to be just as stupid and let us all into your own sick little world. We normal folk need to know who you are before you drive around our neighborhoods in windowless service vans abducting our daughters (and sons). Maybe ANTIFONZ is kidding. I hope so for his sake, because if not, ANTIFONZ is gonna die of various sexual diseases. I can almost guarantee it. But if THAT doesn't happen soon enough, I've got a baseball bat that would LOVE to do the honors...

  • June 17, 2001, 12:32 p.m. CST

    Jack D. Ripper, hktelemacher

    by EddieDane

    Ripper: I don't care how mny filmmaker you like. If you like Kevin Smith, you betray your ignorance of what makes film great. telemacher: Chasing Amy was a beautiful story? What exactly about the plot was any different than what you'd find on any episode of Will & Grace (granted, Will & Grace is shit too, but at least it doesn't try to pass itself off as social criticism)? And Dogma "strayed from the formula? Huh? How is it any different from the formula of any road movie since Easy Rider? How was Jason Lee any different from every single supervillian in every single action movie since Goldfinger? See what I mean? Kevin Smith fans just don't know film.

  • June 17, 2001, 1:43 p.m. CST

    I take issue, Jay!

    by TomCovenant

    Hey, before you group everyone in Florida with your self-proclaimed idiocy, you should step back and specify WHERE in Florida. Are you from one of the inbreeding clusters in Yulee, a cattle farm outside LaBelle, or from an ACTUAL city? Wow, you read a whole Stephen King book in between "fishin' and fightin'"? How about next post just admit you're an ignorant redneck without tarnishing the reputable people and places in Florida.

  • June 17, 2001, 5:29 p.m. CST

    EddieDane

    by hktelemacher

    Not so fast there Kaputnik, because I can kind of see what you're saying, but I don't think Smith is the hack of all hacks. He's not a good director, but his writing appeals to me. "Chasing Amy" came out before Will and Grace, a show I don't watch, and I should be within my right to dig both "Chasing Amy" and "Ikiru" at the same time. They have nothing to do with each other, but I like them both. I'm not saying Smith is Kurosawa, I'm not even saying that Smith is a Mamet for the new millenium. Smith makes comedies that, in my opinion, are better than most of the shit out there that's in the same genre I can't explain why I like certain movies, even if I know they are inferior to what "movie buffs" call good cinema. I don't prefer Smith to Billy Wilder, I don't even place them in the same category because for my money Smith is a writer who presents his script in a visual form while good directors present solid films that incorporate all aspects of moviemaking. If you don't like Smith, rag on him all you want, I don't give a shit. I won't defend him because he doesn't mean that much to me. But saying that Smith fans aren't real movie fans is ignorant because watching movies should be a grab-bag of tastes - if something appeals to a viewer than they should be allowed to watch whatever they want, whether it be "Meatballs 3" or "Citizen Kane" - and they can like both if they want. It's snobby poser cineastes that get so fucking exclusive about what makes for good films that it becomes more about what's critically regarded as classic and worthwhile than about personal taste. You're so goddamn smart. Except you ain't.

  • June 17, 2001, 5:40 p.m. CST

    The All Time Geatest Talkback.

    by DropKickMurphy

    God bless KEVIN SMITH for always inspiring the best talkbacks...this thing had me laughing my ass off. All of you cynical geniuses are in my cool book. Hell even Harry's Kitten made an appearance! Harry I'm happy for you bud, don't listen to these guys, if you're happy tell us all about it, hell show pictures man, this is your world we're just visiting. Props to JAY, that kid's got heart. Oh and SUM 41 does suck.Not as bad as Creed though, nothings worse than Creed. Oh and ANTIFONZ, try the Chicken Top Ramen, got me through college.

  • June 17, 2001, 8:24 p.m. CST

    well drop-kick just about summed it all up

    by exador

    and a great job he did at that..i really have to say this was one of the most fun talkbacks I've been in. AntiFonz provided a great foil for all of us to dis..EddieDane as well, how can you forgive, let alone understand someone that is so opposed to the joys of Kevin Smith movies. I agree with the assesment that he isn't a terribly gifted director...'YET'....he's still cutting his teeth tho...but like everyone else of worth on this talkback, i too love Kevin's writing, and his creative use of pop culture references and 'in-jokes'...so once again let me thank the usual gang of fools that have been the best part of this talkback...Uncapie, Jay!, twonkenn, hktelemacher (for providing actual content that was good to read while the rest of us were just having a blast sniping at each other...glad SOMEONE spent some time actually writing 'on-topic' material...it's just that it was more fun to write off topic this time....and last of all, but certainly not least we should thank EddieDane...although he is incapable of enjoying a viewaskew movie, at least he wasn't as rude as some negative posters are..he just had a different view..not one many here agreed with ( i mean lets face it, he MUST be insane, right?) but atleast he was for the most part a courteous talkbacker...well except for the part when he claimed any fan of kevins can't appreciate good film...that was kind of a stupid statement...but oh well...what the hell...anyhow...i figure this talkback session is just about over..so I'll see ya at the next one...exador out...."MORK..IS THAT YOU"?.....

  • June 17, 2001, 8:31 p.m. CST

    Kevin Smith is better than Billy Wilder?

    by EddieDane

    If I felt like arguing, I'd go off on such a rant...But no...I'm just glad to be a part of The Greatest Talkback of All Time. exador, telemacher, Jay, Fonz...It was a team effort. We did it. Now run off, kiddies, enjoy your Kevin Smith films while I enjoy this bottle of Wild Turkey.

  • June 17, 2001, 9:16 p.m. CST

    One last thing

    by hktelemacher

    No, Wilder's the fucking man! Kevin Smith, nor anybody else making films today, can touch him. If it came off like I said the opposite, I sincerely apologize to all involved. This is touchy for me because I NEED to set the record straight on that - WILDER IS THE MASTER.

  • June 17, 2001, 9:50 p.m. CST

    just had a look at the newest J&SBSB talkback

    by exador

    and frankly, they just weren't as funny as us....and not a familiar name hardly at all...ahhh well...i guess they all can't be THE GREATEST TALKBACK OF ALL TIME!!! hahaha...I'll keep my eye's out for your names in the future...

  • June 17, 2001, 10:32 p.m. CST

    It's been quite an honor

    by Jay

    I'd like to thank everyone who made this possible: God, exador, unclefucka, hktelemacher, dropkickmurphy, my mom, and everyone else. But most of all, I want to thank antifonz for being a sick motherfuck and heywood jablomie for sucking his dick. And to the Donaldson fan, I'm sorry. I talked before I thought. It's just this town, Jacksonville. It is hell. I've never seen so many god damn mullet cuts in my life! Thanks everybody. I'm gonna go talk back on the new DMX movie. Joy!

  • June 18, 2001, 11:43 a.m. CST

    HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

    by Bry-Guy

    !!!!!!!!!!!!I just made a visit over to my Grandmother's house. She sits me down and makes me some cookies and milk. Then she, all of a sudden, rips off the lower part of her sundress, tears off her diaper, and pours the milk all over HER cookie! So...I FUCKED HER! I guess love IS all about luck. Keep it in the family! Here's to the greatest talkback in peoples' incredibly short memory!...

  • June 18, 2001, 3:05 p.m. CST

    VH1's "100 Talkbacks That Rocked The Net"

    by reb55_0

    Number 100: The Original Iron Giant Talkback (lessons in bad movie marketing, Iron Giant from San Fran makes initial apperance) Number 99: Banning Policy Revealed (Robogeek wants to get rid of talkbacks, fanboys go (sans cursing) apeshit) Number 98: Ian MeKellum tells Xmen fanboys to chill (fanboys debate realism of poster and the qualities that make up fanboydom) Number 97: Original Star Wars I Review (largest volume of posts next to initial LOTR post) Number 96: All Five Fight Club Reviews (Media revealed to promoting bad pub for movie due to anti-consumer angle) Numbers 95-2: up for suggestion And the Number 1 Talkback of All Time: The Camp Boo-yah Episode (Fight between all the members of the original Right Stuff crew over the Boo-Yah '85 breakdancing camp fiasco; nothing has topped it in terms of mirth since)

  • how could anyone forget the 37th Talkback That Rocked The Net...it was a classic...i mean...lets face it...we can't be there for all the great ones...but every once in awhile, just when you turn around...you're right in the middle of one....and me thinks this one is oooover......seeya