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ANDROMEDA Finale!! Talk Back!!

Published at: May 20, 2001 1:40:34 PM CDT

SPOILER ALERT !!

I am – Hercules!!

The “Andromeda” finale aired in most U.S. markets this weekend, so we thought we’d provide a little space for talkback. Here’s what Herc had to say after screening it in April.

1.22 Its Hour Come ‘Round at Last. (Season finale.)

A very, very violent cliffhanger featuring the deaths of scores of hungry, horny Magog and much unpleasantness for the Andromeda’s crew. Sadly, it doesn’t really reveal anything new about Trance.

As the episode begins, the Andromeda crew has just added a sixth world to Dylan’s new Commonwealth.

But the happy tone is short-lived. While poking around in Rommie’s brain, Harper discovers and accidentally restores an old back-up copy of Andromeda's personality core. But it's a copy that was made during a pre-Hunt secret mission. When restored, the back-up Rommie assumes that her entire crew has been killed and the people she now finds onboard are intruders.

The Andromeda heads off to complete her 300-year-old secret mission (a recon to find the source of the Magog invasions). Andromeda-controlled androids capture Trance and force her to navigate. The rest of the crew tries to figure out what's going on and regain control of the ship.

ANDROMEDA (voice over): Intruder, halt!

TYR (striding defiantly down a corridor, rifle raised): Not likely.

The android version of Rommie is unaffected by the personality change, and her pissy confrontations with her moussed-up other selves are great.

ANDROID ROMMIE: What do you mean you don’t recognize me?? I’m you!!

ON-SCREEN ROMMIE: You are a modified type-A maintenance android fashioned to look like my A.I. persona. You are decidedly not me.

HOLOGRAM ROMMIE: It’s not responding to my instructions like the other androids.

ON-SCREEN ROMMIE: Whoever modified it must have given it the ability to override my direct control.

HOLOGRAM ROMMIE: I will disassmble it. Perhaps it will give me information about the saboteur.

ANDROID ROMMIE (turning to leave): Like hell I will!

ON-SCREEN ROMMIE: This section has been sealed!

ANDROID ROMMIE: Oh really?

(The doors slide open effortlessly for Android Rommie.)

HOLOGRAM ROMMIE: Stop! Where are you going?

ANDROID ROMMIE (striding away): To find out what’s wrong with me. Sometimes I can be a real pain in the ass!!

But just as it looks like the crew are getting Andromeda back under control: WHAM! Magog swarmships clamp down on the Andromeda. (And in case anyone forgets the Magog are rapists, their ships not only clamp on to the Andromeda, they actually seen to hump it as well.) Soon Andromeda is inseminated, if you will, with platoons of squealing, angry Magog.

DYLAN: Why did it have to be Magog? I hate Magog.

What's with all the Magog? Andromeda’s secret mission was a long-range strike into Magog space to try and locate and eliminate the source of the Magog invasions once and for all. Andromeda was the only survivor, and staggered back without her crew after wandering blindly through the slipstream for over a year. Her memories were locked up, all records of the mission were destroyed, and she was given a new captain – Dylan - and crew. The Magog swarmships attack because Andromeda is being guided deeper and deeper into Magog space.

To make matters worse, it turns out these Magog have a leader named Bloodmist who's smart, wears armor, and carries a rifle, and emotes like he's Richard III. He tries to tempt Rev Bem into switching sides, promising to reveal big secrets about the Magog’s origins. (At this point Rev reveals his full Wayist name – “Behemiel Far Traveler” – and his true Magog name - “Redplague.”)

BLOODMIST: Join us. We will restore to you all you have lost. Your history. Your culture. Your pride.

REV: We have no culture! We have no history!

BLOODMIST: None that you know of! But you’re of those who went before. The first ones. For ten generations you have lived in ignorance – until now! Now that the hour of the awakening approaches. Follow me, Redplague, and I will show you the face of God, then all will be revealed!

REV (brandishing his Wayist medallion): I have seen the face of the divine! I see it every day! In the Universe! In all the divine’s creations!

BLOODMIST: Do you believe you were made by The Creator?

REV: All things are created by the divine!

BLOODMIST: All things but us! Hear my words. There is still time for you. But now I must go. I have pressing business elsewhere.

(Those who read Herc’s last set of Andromeda spoilers know the finale also features a return appearance of Enigma, the impressive-looking energy-dude who turned up briefly in “Harper 2.0.” Feel free to put two and two together.)

Andromeda ends up at the Magog homeworld – actually twenty hollow planets joined together, lit by an artificial sun, filled with trillions of Magog and heading toward the Commonwealth.

By episode’s end, Andromeda has giant holes blasted in her by point singularity bombs (the baby black holes used by the big bounty hunter Jeager in "Harper 2.0"). Rommie's been impaled by Bloodmist and stuck to a wall. Harper and Tyr are paralyzed, infested with Magog eggs (!), and taken back to the worldship. Rev's ripped off his Wayist medallion and gone after them (but it's unclear whether he's gone to rescue them or switch sides and join his brothers). And Dylan, Beka, and Trance are all lying unconcscious on the shattered command deck.

Herc’s rating for “Andromeda” 1.22?

***

The Hercules T. Strong Rating System 2.0:

***** better than we deserve

**** better than most motion pictures

*** actually worth your valuable time

** as horrible as most stuff on TV

* makes you quietly pray for bulletins

Season

Two

Spoliers

Begin

At

This

Point.

We learn that the Magog actually killed one of the crew (not Rommie)! The ship puts the two giant battlebots in its hold to work. And the nerdiest Lone Gunman, Bruce Harwood, has reportedly signed on for a recurring role as a nerdy spy – a spy Rommie has to retrieve from a world that hates and fears androids. Oh yeah, and we’ll learn Enigma’s connection to the fall of the Commonwealth!

I warn you not to defy me!