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HERC Reviews a New ROSWELL!!

Published at: May 6, 2001, 9:26 p.m. CST

I am – Hercules!

Roswell 2.20 FAQ

When do we learn if, after this season, “Roswell” is really gone for good?

All the nets, including UPN, Fox and the WB, announce their fall schedules in a little more than a week.

Who’s responsible for Monday’s episode?

Teleplay is credited to "Deep Space Nine"/"Voyager" vet Lisa Klink.

The big news?

By episode’s end, the gang comes into possession of the decrypted message Alex/Ray was working on.

MICHAEL (handing the translation to Max): It’s everything we’ve been looking for. It’s a translation to The Book. You know, The Book.

ISABEL: You’re kidding.

MICHAEL: Not even a little.

ISABEL: Well, what does it say?

MAX (looking through the translation): It’s the way home. We can go home.

Executive Producer Jason Katims.

Do they leave the planet next week?

No. Now that the series’ momentum has reached a fever pitch, they’re going to air 2.16 for the first time. It’s an episode that takes place before Alex and Isabel got back together, before Alex died, and before Max unfastened Tess’s bra. The season (and perhaps series) finale airs in two weeks.

Does Maria do the recap before a chalkboard?

Yes, for the fifth episode in a row. (She doesn’t even bother to uncross her legs from last week’s recap.) She describes the Max-Tess thing as “just one kiss. A moment of weakness. I doubt if it went any further than that.” Then we cut to Max and Tess nakedly entwined on the floor of the observatory. Before the teaser ends, Tess is already clutching her belly like an expectant mother.

What did that “Roswell Spoilerama” say about this episode back in March?

”Tess begins craving salt instead of tobasco, and reveals to Max that she believes she’s carrying Max’s baby!! Max tells Michael about Tess’ condition during one-on-one basketball, and Max confesses that alien sex is as good as Rath said: his first time with Tess produced an hourlong orgasm! Max tells Michael he doesn’t know what to tell Liz.

Liz, meanwhile, learns that Alex, while possessed, was working to decode alien messages at Las Cruces University (when everyone believed him to be in Sweden). Maria and Liz head to Las Cruces to investigate what Alex’s body was up to. While in Alex’s dorm they find out that Alex went by the name “Ray,” didn’t talk to anyone, worked 20 hours a day at the computer center, and ate only Thai food. Liz and Maria notice that a closet door was painted over. They rub off some paint and discover that the words "Leanna is not Leanna" are written all over it.

Kyle, now perhaps part-alien because Max resurrected him at the end of season one, finally gets a superpower; Isabel helps him develop his ability to dreamwalk. Kyle chooses to enter the dreams of a nudie model, but Isabel ends the session as it grows increasingly steamy. Isabel also discovers a new power: she can make ice and snow. She and Kyle end up bonding on ice skates.

Max has a panic attack as he’s taking out the garbage. Max and Tess return to the pod chamber to retrieve a clue-packed book introduced during season one. Max and Tess bring it back to Casa Valenti and try to decipher it. Tess identifies a recurring symbol they suspect refers to their son!

A worried Michael comes to Las Cruces to collect Liz and Maria, but soon realizes Alex/Ray was trying to decode the Royal Four’s alien book. The episode ends in a desperate quest to find Jen/Leanna (the girl seen in Alex’s photos of “Sweden”), who has Alex/Ray’s decoded-book file, but can only access it with the binary code on Liz’s Thai-food receipt. Maria, Liz and Michael find Jen/Leanna’s dorm room. While Maria distracts Jen’s roomies, Michael steals Jen's mail and they find an interesting envelope...

What did the Spoilerama source get right?

Just about everything.

What did the source get wrong?

A few details. Tess doesn’t develop a craving for salt. Isabel does create snow, but does not go skating with Kyle. No closet door with scrawlings of “Leanna is not Leanna” is discovered. Max and Tess do not speculate about one of The Book’s symbols referring to a Max-Tess child.

What did the source leave out?

Lots. The biggest thing is Max uses his powers to do an alien “sonogram” on Tess’s alien baby. When he pulls his hand away, we can see a glowy fetus handprint pressed back against Tess’s belly. It’s a boy! A creepy boy!

A creepy alien boy?

Likely another hybrid, as a second Max “sonogram” seems to indicate: “He’s sick!” gasps Max. “It’s the atmosphere! This planet is poisoning him! Our son is dying.” (This news precipitates Max’s panic attack by the garbage bins.)

Is Isabel still pissed at Max?

Highly! With a little help from Kyle, she gets back at “little brother” this week by using her alien superpowers to “out” their alien nature.

How?

She makes Max’s yearbook headshot look like a bug-eyed extraterrestrial, and makes his feet stick to the linoleum during a fire drill. But after Isabel witnesses Max’s panic attack and learns of her nephew’s illness, she decides to take pity on – and reconcile with – Max.

Nelly Furtado really guest stars?

She does a number on the Las Cruces campus during Liz & Maria’s visit there. (It was supposed to be Dido, but there were scheduling conflicts!)

What’s in the “interesting envelope?”

A rent bill for a property outside Las Cruces. When Liz, Maria and Michael investigate it, they have to dodge an alien-looking booby-trap, but then find Alex/Ray’s big translation.

Are Kyle and Isabel becoming a couple?

It’s kinda maybe seems that way, but one suspects the producers changed their minds when they realized how enormous Isabel looks when she’s standing next to the Buddha-quoting jock.

What’s good?

The fetal handprint scene. Kyle’s line to the dreaming Jodi Ann when she asks “Who are you?” The way Liz never takes her eye off Maria when Michael asks to talk to Maria privately. Maria’s hilariously efficient interrogation style.

What’s not so good?

The final act had a highly perfunctory “time’s up; let’s wrap this up” feel to it. Finding the decoded version of The Book might seem just a tad too easy.

Herc’s rating for “Roswell” 2.20?

***1/2

The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:

**** better than most motion pictures

*** actually worth your valuable time

** as horrible as most stuff on TV

* makes you quietly pray for bulletins

Can it be babies??

I am – Hercules!!





Readers Talkback

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  • May 7, 2001, 2:34 p.m. CST

    the wb

    by dittyman

    wb sucks. Problem is, St. Louis doesn't have a UPN-only station. Yeah, check this out. The wb station here (channel 11) also runs some of the UPN programming. They have Smackdown and Voyager on Saturday nights and that's it. Some Christian channel carries the rest of UPN's programming. I gurarantee you that if channel 11 doesn't grab shows like Buffy and Angel, I won't be seeing them. FUCK THE WB!!!!!!!!!

  • May 7, 2001, 8:20 p.m. CST

    is it or is it not?--also,what's up w/the flaming?-

    by onodoken

    are these shows (roswell/angel) gonna be picked up or no? if not, just say so and not make up stuff HARRY...you've been wrong before (remember ACADEMY AWARDS-this discredited your site)...if yes, stop the fucking flaming amongst each other.....this site is starting to go to shit cause of this crap! GEt a LIfe!

  • May 7, 2001, 8:47 p.m. CST

    TVGuide.com and Season Finales?

    by dp4m

    TVGuide.com has been not posting text descriptions of episodes of shows that are all SPECIFICALLY dealt with on this site -- Roswell, Buffy, Angel, and Boston Public. Is it coincidence? Is it Fox Television trying to maintain suspense? Any ideas? David

  • May 7, 2001, 9:03 p.m. CST

    harry shut up

    by Twig

    I think you overestimate the current UPN schedule. Other than wrestling and Star Trek, there's not a single show on there that's a 100% lock to return.

  • May 7, 2001, 9:54 p.m. CST

    Its still one of the better shows

    by cooper2000

    As I have said before, if the show comes back it needs decide what it wants to be and hopefully if it comes back Michael will get a friggin haircut.