Coaxial

HERC Tells How ROSWELL Ends!!

Published at: March 26, 2001, 11:21 p.m. CST

I am – Hercules!!

Stand in awe as we separate fact from rumor. What follows is a rundown of “Roswell’s” final second-season episodes, from a HIGHLY reliable source who has seen five of the six final scripts with his own eyes.

The big news is one of the regular characters WILL DIE three episodes before season’s end.

“Roswell” producers and the WB are said to be taking extraordinary measures to keep this character’s “departure” a secret. They even used shooting scripts substituting a different name for the character who dies.

There are obviously MAJOR MAJOR spoilers ahead. If you want to avoid them, turn back now! Puny mortal!

But first, as a useful way to create spoiler space, a little non-spoiler factage:

There are six new season-two “Roswell” episodes yet to air. Its timeslot is currently occupied by early episodes of the excellent hourlong comedy “The Gilmore Girls,” but “Roswell” is expected to return to the WB with new episodes around April 16. It is uncertain whether “Roswell” will return to its Monday 9 p.m. timeslot or take up some other berth.

“Roswell” just wrapped production of the 20th episode of its second season. The 21st will be the season finale. The last new episode aired (on Feb. 26), “Viva Las Vegas,” was the season’s 15th.

Here then is our spoiler-happy summary of how the season is expected to play out.

MAJOR SPOILERS BEGIN HERE!

2.16 “OFF THE MENU.”

Written by Russel Friend & Garret Lerner.

Brody Davis, while employing a virtual reality device in an effort to recover memories of his alien abductions, unexpectedly acquires the memories of Larek, the alien who possessed Brody’s body on many an occasion. Realizing at once that Max, Tess, Michael and Isabel are aliens, Brody flips out and takes Max, Tess and the three DeLucas (waitress Maria, mother Amy and jailbird cousin Sean) hostage at the UFO Center, using his powerful hexagon artifact to rob Max and Tess of their powers.

Maria uses codewords to alert Liz to the hostage crisis: "Pepperjack is off the menu” (which means, of course, “Brody has gone nuts”). When Liz tries to effect a rescue, Brody goes fully postal, and Sean DeLuca is stabbed trying to protect Liz. The episode ends with the injured Sean threatening to go public with what he now “knows” about the aliens unless Liz agrees to a date. (Tess wipes away Amy DeLuca’s memories of the alien events, but leaves Sean’s intact – perhaps because Tess wants Sean to distract Liz from Max.)

APOCRYPHA SUPPLEMENT (widely rumored plotlines that will NOT come to pass this episode): Max and Liz will finding nothing strange in the Crashdown cuisine. Michael does not get a new power. Maria is not revealed to have hair extensions. Maria’s mom does not retain her memories of the Royal Four’s alien nature. Brody does not disappear at episode’s end. Because he is in the next episode:

2.17 “HEART OF MINE.”

Written by series creator Jason Katims (whose last script was for the brilliant “Roswell Christmas Carol”).

The big prom episode and relationship show. Maria comes to believe Michael is cheating (but it turns out Michael has just been taking dance lessons from a hot instructor named Juanita).

We learn that Alex is mysteriously troubled by something, and that he is failing several of his courses. Things get hot and heavy between Alex and Isabel, who reveals she is thinking about leaving Roswell in the fall to attend college in Boston.

Kyle takes Tess to the prom but decides he only loves Tess in a brotherly way. Jim (still unemployed) and Amy spend WAY too much time in the eraser room.

Sean and Liz go on their date (Sean breaks them into a bowling alley). Sean kisses Liz. Max learns of this kiss and gives Tess a big wet one (which Liz gets to witness).

APOCRYPHA SUPPLEMENT (widely rumored plotlines that will NOT come to pass this episode): None unearthed. This episode plays out pretty much as rumored.

2.18 “CRY YOUR NAME.”

Written by Ron Moore (the brilliant “Deep Space Nine” vet who co-wrote “Star Trek: First Contact”).

When Thai food Alex didn’t order is delivered to his house, Alex freaks out, suspecting that an alien (likely Kivar) has been possessing him. Alex gets a phone call from Isabel, who wants to discuss his prom photos. “Do I look dead?” asks Alex. Isabel doesn’t understand but invites him over. Before a dazed Alex leaves his house, he writes a binary code instead of his signature on the Thai food receipt. Alex leaves, promptly drives his car into a truck, and dies!!

At first all blame the truck driver, but eventually most come to believe Alex committed suicide. Isabel blames herself for making him drive over in his strange state. But Isabel has Max, Maria has Michael, and Tess has Kyle to comfort her; but Liz is left to grieve alone. When Max finally gets Alex alone he realizes Alex cannot be resurrected.

The Olsen Family (the family Alex said he stayed with in Sweden) sends a large arrangement of flowers to Alex’s funeral.

APOCRYPHA SUPPLEMENT (widely rumored plotlines that will NOT come to pass this episode): There are no “surprise visitors” at Alex’s funeral.

2.19 “IT’S TOO LATE AND IT’S TOO BAD.”

Written by Gretchen J. Berg & Aaron Harberts (two former “Beverly Hills 90210” writers who are not expected to be back should “Roswell” return for a third season).

Liz, who gets the receipt with Alex’s binary code from the Thai food deliveryman, begins to investigate the fishy nature of Alex’s demise. Liz and Sean break into school at night; when Sean jimmies Alex's locker open they find Alex’s binary code scrawled all over it. Liz calls the Swedish embassy and emails them scans of Alex's slides; the embassy says that some of the Swedish buildings in the background were torn down in 1994!

Max, meanwhile, fears Liz’s investigation will bring unwanted scrutiny to the Royal Four.

Liz takes her life savings and buys a plane ticket to Sweden, to investigate Alex’s recent trip there. Max and Tess do much bonding and, perhaps in a dream-state, have hot hybrid sex!!! Just as Liz is about to board the plane to Stockholm, she gets a cell-phone call from Alex’s Swedish foster family: they say Alex never came to Sweden!

APOCRYPHA SUPPLEMENT (widely rumored plotlines that will NOT come to pass this episode): The numbering of Alex’s vacation slides do not provide Liz a vital clue. Liz does not go to Sweden. Liz does not meet Serina (a FutureLiz friend once mentioned by FutureMax). Liz does not meet the surviving dupes (the dupes will not reappear until the season finale, if at all). Nicholas does not return, and he does not kidnap Liz (like the dupes, Nicholas will not reappear until the season finale, if at all).

2.20 “BABY, IT’S YOU.”

Written by "Deep Space Nine"/"Voyager" vet Lisa Klink.

Tess begins craving salt instead of tobasco, and reveals to Max that she believes she’s carrying Max’s baby!! Max tells Michael about Tess’ condition during one-on-one basketball, and Max confesses that alien sex is as good as Rath said: his first time with Tess produced an hourlong orgasm! Max tells Michael he doesn’t know what to tell Liz.

Liz, meanwhile, learns that Alex, while possessed, was working to decode alien messages at Las Cruces University (when everyone believed him to be in Sweden). Maria and Liz head to Las Cruces to investigate what Alex’s body was up to. While in Alex’s dorm they find out that Alex went by the name “Ray,” didn’t talk to anyone, worked 20 hours a day at the computer center, and ate only Thai food. Liz and Maria notice that a closet door was painted over. They rub off some paint and discover that the words "Leanna is not Leanna" are written all over it.

Kyle, now perhaps part-alien because Max resurrected him at the end of season one, finally gets a superpower; Isabel helps him develop his ability to dreamwalk. Kyle chooses to enter the dreams of a nudie model, but Isabel ends the session as it grows increasingly steamy. Isabel also discovers a new power: she can make ice and snow. She and Kyle end up bonding on ice skates.

Max has a panic attack as he’s taking out the garbage. Max and Tess return to the pod chamber to retrieve a clue-packed book introduced during season one. Max and Tess bring it back to Casa Valenti and try to decipher it. Tess identifies a recurring symbol they suspect refers to their son!

A worried Michael comes to Las Cruces to collect Liz and Maria, but soon realizes Alex/Ray was trying to decode the Royal Four’s alien book. The episode ends in a desperate quest to find Jen/Leanna (the girl seen in Alex’s photos of “Sweden”), who has Alex/Ray’s decoded-book file, but can only access it with the binary code on Liz’s Thai-food receipt. Maria, Liz and Michael find Jen/Leanna’s dorm room. While Maria distracts Jen’s roomies, Michael steals Jen's mail and they find an interesting envelope...

APOCRYPHA SUPPLEMENT (widely rumored plotlines that will NOT come to pass this episode): The dupes do not rescue Liz from Nicholas because neither Nicholas nor the dupes appear in this episode. Alex’s body does not turn to dust in his grave. Maria does not make a “startling discovery” about Brody and Alex’s “dead” sister Maggie. Michael does not decide to move to Tuscon.

2.21 "DEPARTURE."

Written and directed by series creator Jason Katims.

The Jason Katims finale script was unavailable for review, but rumor has it Tess is finished – and Max and Liz will begin season three (if there is a season three) as a couple.

I warn you not to defy me!!

I am – Hercules!!





Readers Talkback

comments powered by Disqus
    + Expand All
  • March 26, 2001, 11:41 p.m. CST

    First?

    by Cap'n Slapnutz

    Damn I hate people who cry first and here I follow like a damn lemming... Shoot me. Please.

  • March 26, 2001, 11:46 p.m. CST

    Dude, I've only seen the first episode....

    by iAmGladiator

    I wish I'd gotten to know Roswell more.. I loved the first episode,but never watched it again, thanks to the WWF and Everybody Loves Raymond...

  • March 26, 2001, 11:56 p.m. CST

    So this brings us current to season 7?

    by Cap'n Slapnutz

    Damn, Roswell tries too hard to capture the x-file's vibe..... jam pack us with twisting story lines that have NO time to develope properly. Let me guess, we're in for more narrative where the characters TELL us what's happening because the writers can't SHOW us. But will it save the show? Tuen in on mondays, no, tuesdays, no fridays, no...christ, WB, PICK A DAMN DAY! -cap'n-

  • March 27, 2001, 2:46 p.m. CST

    Yeah, but will season 3 ever even come?

    by Twig

    I doubt it, since WB's bumped it in favor of Gilmore Girls. Plus the ratings haven't been all that great(better than XFL though-heh heh), but the show deserves to keep going. It's a good show.

  • March 27, 2001, 3:09 p.m. CST

    No Tess

    by Drath

    Well I can live with Tess dying, though I think old Colin Hanks's character(whose name I've suddenly forgotten) has been awol a lot lately and thus has lost my interest the most. If the Kyle/Isabelle thing happens, and given the "bonding" him and Hanks had underground a while back, I see yet another triangle forming(ugh). I'd rather they just kept the Kyle/Tess chemistry going and dropped the whole "she's meant for Max" crap. The best thing happening with Tess has been the stuff with the Valentis, and on that level I think it's sad they're getting rid of her(assuming this is accurate). On the other hand, she's been a terrible foil for the Max/Liz love story. If not for the Valenti's, I'd be cheering this news.

  • March 28, 2001, 2:10 a.m. CST

    Good Point

    by Cap'n Slapnutz

    Good point on the affiliate thing, Sleazy... I forget that the WB isn't a rock solid network yet... (if ever) Still pulling for a season 3 though!

  • April 12, 2001, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Roswell Teenage Alien Show

    by alien-crazed

    Hey I just want to say that I really like the Roswell TV Show spoilers and just found this Web page yesterday for the first time. This is kind of like opening your Christmas packages as a kid before Christmas - or at least peeking under the wrapping. Roswell is the greatest show to my family. I can't think of any other show where my husband and I can sit down with my teenagers & children and laughed our heads off over Liz's dream date wrestling with Kyle on the bed, Alex's partial strip dance or Sheriff Valenti & his son ignoring Tess while watching their football game on Christmas. The humor is great! I also like the FBI suspense. My husband and I did like the X-files as first place but Roswell has passed it up!

  • April 13, 2001, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Tess' demise

    by Karenski

    This would not be so terrible since they have a viable spare in Ava, a character I LOVED, as opposed to Tess, whom I've mostly NOT liked except with the Valenti's from time to time. With Ava stepping in, Emily DeRaven would still have a job and fans, who have mostly disliked Tess, can accept AVA because then the Royal 4 can avoid EOTW events. (Yes, I watch WAY too much ROZ!) Here's hoping there's a season 4!