Well fellow geeks, this big brusing black fist full of rightous review landed on Father Geek's hundred and twenty year old rolltop desk with a tremendous, thunderous thud a few minutes ago and believe me I dare not leave what it contained out of today's classic column. I've known ol' Luke real well for a couple of years now, and he don't like wasting his time. He'll waste alot of other things (people included), but never HIS time. So without another second ticking off the clock here's this weeks Africa-AICN column coolness...

Reasonable rates... satisfaction guaranteed... Luke Cage, Hero For Hire, is here to help you. Happy belated Valentine's Day to Harry, Moriarty (How's that Heather Graham, thing working out, Prof?), Papa Geek, Doc SOTHA, all my black brothers, and the world in general.

People always ask me: "Luke, you're a successful black businessman who commands respect from every two bit thug from Tribeca to Morningside Heights. Who do YOU respect?" And one of the first names I give them is Sam Jackson, the only man I could ever allow to portray me in a Power Man/Iron Fist movie.

So when I find out about an advance screening of Caveman's Valentine, the second movie than Sam The Man has made with Kasi Lemmons (props to all who saw Eve's Bayou, the first), I took an A train from Harlem all the way down to Greenwich. And those cats dress funny.

So behold my amazing Herc-style review.

Q: Sam's a caveman? As in the 2001-find-a-monolith-and-beat-someone-with-a-bone type caveman?

A: Nope, as in a modern-day homeless man, sleeping in a park, dressing in rags and eating what you and I throw away. Romulus Ledbetter was a Juliard student, a musical genius who had a nervous breakdown and turned his back on his career, his family and reality. Today he lives in a cave in the middle of a city park, watching a TV that isn't plugged in and still composing vast symphonies in his head.

Q: So he's down on his luck?

A: He's full-blown schizo. He has a fundamental reality problem. He blames his troubles and his mental instability on "Cornelius Stuyvesant", an evil man who lives at the top of the Chrysler Building and sends out deadly energy beams that "smell like a rich man's bank account." One night, the body of a neighborhood junkie is found outside his cave, and Romulus knows that Stuyvesant is taunting him. Full of righteous rage, and a tip from the deceased's best friend, he begins an investigation into the boy's death.

Q: So is he crazy, or was the boy really killed?

A: Yes, and yes.

Q: By a secret man living in the Chrysler Building?

A: I'm not giving anything else away.

Q: Isn't Sam just recycling bits of old characters? (Jules, Shaft, the Negotiator dude, etc.)

A: Two words. HELL NO. There are two Sam Jacksons, I think. There's the certified cool-rollin' pimp daddy whose wallet says "Bad Mother Fucker". But then there's the other guy. The one who surprised me by being vulnerable, subtle, and unique. Movies like Fresh, The Great White Hype, and Unbreakable. And Romulus Ledbetter is another one of those roles. The script needs him to be funny, honest, brilliant and insane, sometimes all at once. And he did it. Is it too early to talk Oscar nominations?

Q: Any other great performances?

A: At first I thought Colm Feore was just reprising his character from Stephen King's "Storm of the Century". Wrong. His character is kind of Rom's reverse; a whacko who made his craziness work for him, rather than against. And a young woman named Aunjanue Ellis plays Rom's daughter Lulu. I guarantee we'll be seeing more of her in the future.

Q: So, the actors are good. How does the movie look?

A: Like a guided tour through dementia. Kasi Lemmons and her cinematographer have given everything a look of Gothic grandeur, and they're not afraid to cheat reality to emphasize a feeling. I dig that in a director. We shuffle around between Rom's perspective and "reality" in a way that is smooth and jarring at the same time. Wow.

Q: And the score?

A: Does it's job without stomping all over the subtleties. Sometimes the little piano accents made me feel like tiny icy fingers were running up my spine. In this case, that's a good thing.

Q: Isn't Anthony Michael Hall in this movie?

A: Yes, but Molly Ringwald's panties are nowhere to be found.

Q: Level with us, Cage. Is this an. art film?

A: Naw. It's tight drama, suspense, and did I mention, it's also really really funny at times. Sam Jackson has comic timing! Who knew? I mean, I did, but I'm always glad to be reminded.

Desperate souls who need some Big Black Power by their side can reach me at my Harlem Penthouse and I'll give'm the action they crave.

Peace, love, and disco.

I can hear the bastards laughing from here. DR.SOTHA back for Africa-AICN. Did they (they being the low-rent physicians in this hell-hole) really think they could steal my idea and get away with it? You never mix laughing gas with swordfish gills when dissecting a man's uterus. But I suppose that's the price you pay when you embezzle my secret documents out of my Nurse Fertility Hollis program files.

Forget it, better e-mail me your disaster premonitions to Africaaicn@hotmail.com

Nurse Fertility, I don't know what you call a Creedish man on a bus.

SOUTH AFRICA

* DR.SOTHA had a chat with UK actor Richard E Grant (who originally comes from Swaziland, Southern Africa), and you'll be glad to hear that he's in Robert Altman's new film 'GOSFORD PARK'. It also stars Helen Mirren, Kristin Scott Thomas, Emily Watson, Jeremy Northam, Stephen Fry and Derek Jacobi in an all-star English cast. Apparently Jude Law has pulled out for some reason or other. It's a 1930's period satire, that revolves around an elegant weekend at a large country estate that brings together an aristocratic family with their friends, servants, a Hollywood actor, a producer and one or two possible murderers. It sounds like classic Robert 'ensemble satire' Altman to me, and DR.SOTHA hopes to bring you coverage and interviews with the cast when it starts shooting in late March. Richard is keen to talk about his working relationship with some of the great directors he's worked with in the past like Coppola, Scorsese and ofcourse Altman (who he worked with before on Pret-a-Porter.) Also, worth mentioning, is that Grant's writing/directorial debut is set to go before the lenses this year. It's called 'WAH-WAH' a semi-autobiographical account of his early years living in Southern Africa. Casting is already underway, and Sandy Powell (Velvet Goldmine, Elizabeth) is doing costumes, while Andrew Dunn (I) (Madness of King George) is shooting it. Watch this space.

* Principal photography has commenced on Anant Singh's (Cry the Beloved Country) latest film, "MR. BONES", starring South Africa's King of Comedy Leon Schuster. Produced by Singh and Helena Spring of Videovision Entertainment, Mr. Bones also stars David Ramsay (Pay It Forward, Three to Tango) and Faizon Love (Parenthood), and is directed by multi award winning director, Gray Hofmeyr (Jock of the Bushveld). Schuster's slapstick formula has repeatedly found success with local audiences and has made him the only South African filmmaker to strike gold at the local box office. MR BONES, written by Schuster, Greg Latter and Gray Hofmeyr, is the first of his films to feature international artists and to be targeted at the international market.

* The final entry date for submission of proposals for the Steps for the Future film project is 1 March 2001. The commission of 27 documentary films (16x4mins, 8x26 mins, 3x52mins) from Southern Africa about HIV/AIDS is open to all filmmakers from the region. Proposals must include a description of the story; a treatment which describes the main character(s), location, narrative structure, and filmic style; the creative talent attached; a budget; VHS of previous work of director; and if possible rushes of main character of proposed film. An international and regional panel of commissioning editors, filmmakers and AIDS experts will select the films from the 17-19 March 2001 in Cape Town. The filmmakers will be advised of the results soon afterwards. All entries must be sent to: Day Zero Film Productions, 6 Vine Street, Gardens, Cape Town 8001 PO Box 21545, Kloof Street 8008, Cape Town Tel. 021 424 2970; Fax 021 423 8188 Email: By Clicking Here (Thanks to 'Boerewors Boy' - DR.SOTHA)

* The South African Scriptwriter.s Association (SASWA) is proud to announce that it is co-ordinating a unique sitcom master-class workshop for scriptwriters, producers and commissioning editors, presented by international comedy luminary Humphrey Barclay. It will be held in March 2001. Barclay is one of the United Kingdom's foremost producers and creators of comedy television, having been the Head of Comedy at London Weekly Television and Granada Media International. He has produced comedy television with some of the world.s most recognized talent including the Monty Python team (John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Michael Palin and Eric Idle). The three-day intensive, hands-on workshop to be held in Johannesburg and Cape Town will allow South African commissioning editors, writers and producers with some experience to interact directly with Barclay on the nuts and bolts of creating television comedy, specifically with regard to structure and characterisation. Participants will be asked to submit their existing sitcom proposals in advance to Humphrey who will offer his expertise and comments. Participants will also have the opportunity to collaborate in groups and pitch submissions to Humphrey, who will tackle the intricacies of sitcom pitching. The course will run in Johannesburg between 7 and 9 March and in Cape Town from 17 to19 March, 2001. Contact the SASWA office at (011) 678 3838 or email By Going Here to reserve your place.

NORTH AFRICA

* Fox 2000 has paid mid- against high-six figures for an untitled comedy pitch from writers Dennis Bartok and Tom Abrams for Team Todd to produce. Described as "The African Queen" meets "Romancing the Stone," the pitch is set in 1850 and follows a blue-blooded young woman from Boston who travels 8,000 miles across the sea to Africa in an attempt to rescue her husband. But during her ocean voyage, she falls in love with the captain of the ship. Bartok and Abrams will pen the script.

* Kate Hudson tells us how she got the gig on 'Four Feathers', currently shooting in Morocco and directed by Elizabeth director Shekar Kapur (who incidently is doing the Nelson Mandela bio 'Long Walk to Freedom' - DR.SOTHA) Movie star Kate Hudson prepared for her new movie, a remake of the classic 1938 film The Four Feathers, by trying out corsets. The actress was told to expect pain during the making of the period movie, because she has to wear restrictive corsets, so she decided to get used to them by wearing them around the house. She says, "I got used to it. They gave me a test corset, so I put it on an hour here and an hour there. Pretty soon your waist just starts syncing tighter and tighter and tighter, so it kind of molds to you. It's really uncomfortable at first." (Errr I'm sure that's what my first intern nurse once said - DR.SOTHA)

* Take it away Rigobert:

Good day readers, I thought I'd shift the focus to African television over the next 6 weeks, and give you an overall impression of what's invading our screens (when it's not US syndicated programming) in Africa. Read on.

The gradual transformation of South African television from a mainstay of apartheid to a tool for building a multi-racial democracy is one of today's most under-reported media stories. Prime Time South Africa gives Americans a chance to see the first tentative steps - some inspiring, some merely silly - in this unprecedented telecommunications experiment. There are six examples, and I'll put one up each week, representing both public service and entertainment programming. It should demonstrate the variety of ways the media is portraying South Africa's new, post-apartheid dispensation.

Viewers expecting a militant, post revolutionary media will be disappointed; there are no Eisensteins or Alvarezes here. One is struck more by the rationality of these programs, their caution, even their ideological casualness. For better or worse, South Africa is recasting its media during a fin de siècle moment when radical alternatives seem exhausted and market economics and representative democracy are largely unchallenged. Nonetheless, the task facing South African television, designing a democratic, inclusive and public spirited media, provides an opportunity to reconsider issues crucial to any diverse democracy.

This long-delayed, essentially "modernist" project runs afoul of two powerful contemporary tendencies: the seemingly irresistible penetration of national markets by powerful global broadcast entities and the simultaneous "post-modernist" trend towards particular, ethnic or "lifestyle" programming. South Africa's unique prior experience with "multicultural" broadcasting, (the deliberately divisive "Bantu" services of the apartheid period) has made cultural relativism and diversity seem less urgent than the evolution of a new, non-racial post-apartheid consensus.

This dynamic between a consumer and a citizen democracy plays itself out in fascinating ways among the six examples. I'll start with SOUL CITY this week:

SOUL CITY

Imagine that ER and General Hospital were set in a clinic in a South African township and that the story lines were written to address particular public health concerns. That's Soul City, an internationally acclaimed program which has become the most widely watched dramatic series in South Africa. Richard Attenborough (Cry Freedom) describes Soul City as, "Extraordinarily successful as an entertainment vehicle as well as playing a central part in the country's development."

Soul City was meticulously researched by public health professionals and funded by the South African government, SABC, leading corporations, the UN and the European Community, to be nothing less than an integrated, national multi-media health education campaign. In addition to three seasons of primetime television, it includes a radio drama carried to rural areas in all the major languages, more in-depth information and resources printed in leading daily papers and comic book style workbooks distributed around the country. Derek Yach of the World Health Organization calls Soul City, "One of the most exciting and important global developments in health promotion."

The episode I've chosen (from the second season) raises a number of important health and social issues: an HIV positive nurse persuades her infected husband to attend a support group: an orderly tries to give up smoking, with comic results; a schoolgirl's uncle demands sexual favours in return for her school fees; a disdainful, new white hospital administrator (clearly the Joan Collins figure in the series) threatens the clinic's egalitarian work style. Soul City stresses that South Africa's monumental political changes, while hardly eliminating problems, have opened a space where all South Africans can begin to "reconstruct and develop" their lives, their health and their communities. In the words of its own promotional slogan, Soul City let's us, "Listen to the heartbeat of a nation." Good news for New Yorkers is that (if you're so inclined) the complete Soul City series also available from: Children's Television Workshop, 1 Lincoln Plaza, New York NY 10023; 212-595-3456. You now have no excuse. Email me at Rigobertsong@hotmail.com and we can talk African film.

AFRICAN AMERICAN

* Congratulations to Chris 'I am the new Richard Pryor' Rock for getting second place in last weeks box-office results. "Down to Earth" made $20.1 million over the 4 day weekend. Now imagine how much your films would make if you started picking quality projects? The answer is much more.

* Producer Gale Anne Hurd will join rapper-actor LL Cool J and actors Jamie Lee Curtis and Jonathan Lipnicki as presenters at the inaugural AFMA Honors on Feb. 22 at the group's 21st annual American Film Market in Santa Monica, which starts Wednesday and runs through Feb. 28. Hurd is slated to present a lifetime achievement award to producer Roger Corman, while Curtis will present her "True Lies" co-star Arnold Schwarzenegger with a boxoffice champ honor. Lipnicki will dole out an achievement in acting award to his "Jerry Maguire" co-star Renee Zellweger.LL Cool J will hand off an achievement in (hollow but fun - DR.SOTHA) directing statue to Renny Harlan, his helmer from "Deep Blue Sea."

* Singer Cher is leaving the stage and heading back to the screen to direct an episode of OZ. After years of fame in the pop charts with hits like Believe, Cher says she wants to direct and star in an episode of the prison drama Oz. And the show's creator Tom Fontana is just as eager to have the pop vixen on board.

He says, "Every once in a while I get word that Cher wants to direct an episode. I say, 'Fine' and she never calls me. Cher, please call!" Oz, popular because of its gritty hard-hitting content, has found favor with a loyal urban audience - so much so that high-profile rappers such as Method Man, Master P, LL Cool J and Naughty By Nature's Treach have all made cameo appearances on the show. Cher's last directorial outing was in 1996 for the TV movie If These Walls Could Talk. (What is she going to play a diva humming warden? - DR.SOTHA)

* Billy Bob Thornton and Wes Bentley have agreed to star in "Monster's Ball" for director Marc Forster. Lions Gate Films is wrapping a deal to finance and distribute the film. The long-in-development project is scheduled to start production May 1 at a budget of less than $10 million. Deals for Thornton and Bentley are not yet complete. "Ball," written by Milo Addica and Will Rokos, revolves around Hank (Thornton), a man who lives with his racist older father, Buck, and his own twentysomething son, Sonny (Bentley). Hank and Sonny work for the local prison, where they are preparing the electric chair for a black inmate. Hank winds up falling in love with the inmate's widow, who is not aware that Hank knew her husband. Meanwhile, the prison job has affected Sonny's psyche on such a deep level that he ends up meeting his own tragic end, while the racist Buck gets what he deserves. (I invite Spike Lee to comment on this project in talkback - DR.SOTHA)

AFRICAN COAXIAL

* The finalists of the CNN African Journalist of the Year Competition, held in partnership with the SABC, and sponsored by a number of top pan-African companies, are: Manfred Yao Ashiboe-Mensah (Radio Ghana, Ghana Broadcasting Corporation); Tony Carnie (The Mercury, South Africa); Faizel Cook (e.tv, South Africa); Shyaka Kanuma (Rwanda Newsline, Rwanda); Susan Njoki Karuoya 9The Sunday Nation, Kenya); TJ Lemon (The Sunday Independent, South Africa); Mpho Moagi (SABC, South Africa); Declan Okpalaeke (Tell Magazine, Nigeria); Eric Orina (Daily Nation, Kenya); Jaques Pauw (SABC, South Africa); Sam Rogers (e.tv, South Africa); Adolf Spangenberg (SABC, South Africa); ZAPIRO (Jonathan Shapiro - freelance for The Sunday Times, South Africa). The competition received a record 1952 entries from 18 African nations. Last year 1150 entries were received. The winners will be announced at a Gala Awards Ceremony the Sandton Convention Centre in Johannesburg, South Africa, on 29 March, where the overall CNN African Journalist of the Year will also be revealed.

Did you survive? Well then come back next week for more of the same. Rotterdam reports are forthcoming.

DR.SOTHA REVO & OUT