Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
BUFFY! ANGEL! Tuesday night!! Someone club me now!! This weekly ritual of mine is blossoming into full-on autistic meltdown!! I feel like Rain Man, standing on the porch of some poor yokel's house, smacking my forehead and screaming, "12 HOURS TO BUFFY! 12 HOURS TO BUFFY!" Damn you, as always, HERCULES THE STRONG, for seeing the show early and dropping such tantalizing hints. Here he is to torture the rest of you, too...
BUFFY 5.15 FAQ
WHAT’S IT CALLED?
“I Was Made To Love You.”
Teleplay is credited to heavy-hitter Jane Espenson, who has been busy this season; she also wrote the Xander-duplicating “The Replacement” and the troll-conjuring “Triangle,” and co-wrote the Watcher-heavy “Checkpoint.”
WHAT DOES TV GUIDE SAY?
“The bizarre mannerisms and superhuman strength of April (Shonda Farr), who's searching Sunnydale for her boyfriend, lead the gang to believe she's really a robot. Meanwhile, Buffy decides to go out on a date with Ben (Charlie Weber), but the Slayer has no idea how close he is to Glory.”
Like a jewel embedded in a staggering expanse of fecal matter, Buffy once again reminds of all that is good about the medium of television.
IS IT FUNNY?
IS IT SAD?
Yes. There’s a scene on a swingset that could tear your heart out.
WERE YOUR EXPECTATIONS HIGH?
They were! The opening clip package covers enormous amounts of season five plot: Dawn’s origins, the watchers’ explanations, Riley’s vampire fetish, Riley’s departure, Spike’s love, Buffy’s rejection, Dawn’s self-mutilation, and the Ben/Glory duality.
IS APRIL REALLY A ROBOT?
That’s the Scoobs’ unanimous theory. We learn the truth at the halfway point. When April first steps onto the streets of Sunnydale, some viewers’ reaction MIGHT be: “Hello! Third god!”
WHY? IS APRIL CUTE?
Cute enough to be a regular! Spike even hits on her!
WHY DO THEY THINK SHE’S A ROBOT?
She’s very focused. She relentlessly asks after someone named “Warren.”
Warren Mears. He looks like he could be the half-brother of “Mr. Show’s” Bob Odenkerk.
THE BIG NEWS?
(MAJOR SPOILAGE HERE!) We learn there’s a reason Team Whedon wasn’t afraid to reveal Joyce’s death in next week’s TV Guide!
(AGAIN WITH THE MAJOR SPOILAGE!) The episode ends with Buffy unexpectedly finding the corpse of her mom on the living room couch. Executive Producer Joss Whedon!
IS BUFFY WARMING UP TO SPIKE NOW THAT SHE KNOWS HOW HE FEELS?
No. In fact, the entire balance of the regular cast has turned against him. “We are not your friends,” Giles tells Spike in a menacing manner. “We are not your way to Buffy. There IS no way to Buffy. Clear out of here. And Spike, this thing. Get over it.”
EVEN DAWN HATES HIM NOW?
ARE YOU STILL ROOTING FOR SPIKE AND BUFFY TO GET TOGETHER?
No, he’s gotten all creepy again! Look for this episode to play an important part in Spike’s future.
ANY SIGN OF DRU THIS WEEK?
Not on “Buffy.”
ANY SIGN OF BEN/GLORY, DREG, OR THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY “KEY!!”?
Ben, Glory and Dreg are much in evidence. The knights have yet to send in reinforcements.
SHOULDN’T HERC BE FIRED AND/OR TORTURED FOR SPOILING DRU’S RETURN IN LAST WEEK’S BUFFY HEADLINE?
Dru’s appearance was mentioned in last week’s TV Guide listing. Last week’s opening credits read “Juliet Landau as Drusilla.” Team Whedon wanted us to know about Dru going in. Toughen up, Jennifer.
IS JOSS WHEDON WRITING LESS “BUFFY” THESE DAYS?
Maybe. He wrote or co-wrote three of season one’s 12 teleplays, five teleplays in season two, five teleplays in season three, and four teleplays in season four. This was the first season he did not write the teleplay for the opener. Whedon’s second teleplay of season five, “The Body,” is next week’s episode. It seems almost certain that Whedon will, per tradition, author the season five finale.
TELL US HOW TO SQUANDER OUR TUESDAYS, O HERCULES!
The WB’s “Buffy” at 8:00, the WB’s “Angel” at 9:00, and MTV’s “Road Rules/Real World Challenge” at 10:00. Tape ABC’s “The Mole” at 8:00 and Fox’s “Dark Angel” at 9:00. Buy a TiVo and record Fox Family’s 2-hour “Freaks & Geeks” block at 8:00.
HERC’S RATING FOR “BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER” 5.15?
The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
**** better than most motion pictures
*** actually worth your valuable time
** as horrible as most stuff on TV
* makes you quietly pray for bulletins
I warned you not to defy me!