Wheels here. Wow, it’s been a while since we’ve had one of these. I know that fact probably made some of you happy. Hopefully, it made some of you sad and if so… this one is for you guys. I know HH has certainly missed rambling for you guys and gals.
Anyway, let’s get to it. The ideas stated here do not reflect the thoughts and opinions of AICN or their affiliates. Also, I'm about 99% sure this is satire and I’m 100% sure it’s meant to make you laugh. Oh, and if any of you other talkbackers want to contribute to these; contact me. It can be anything as long as it has a geeky slant to it… -W
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Hedgehog’s Corner – DOCTOR WHO and STAR TREK
Knock knock. Who’s there? Doctor. Do you mean THE Doctor? Yes, I guess I do, sorry.
Hi readers, welcome to my analysis of Doctor Who which is a long-running TV show and something that all nerds love unless they change the main character into a woman in which case they hate it.
However, this is ALSO my analysis of ANOTHER amazing TV show which is also long-running and also loved by nerds which is called STAR TREK. There is also a doctor on this one but he is called DOCTOR BONES and not DOCTOR WHO. Try not to get confused. If he says “He’s dead Jim” then you know that it’s Doctor Who because Bones never actually said this on the show, as any pedantic Star Trek bore will tell you. Contrary to popular belief no one also ever said “Beam me up”, “Make it slow”, “Shut up Wesley” or “I can’t wait to see the next episode of Star Trek Discovery”.
Doctor Who is made by BBC America which strangely is a British company that has the wrong country in its name to try and make Americans think it will be good and not full of bowler hats and Big Bens. It stars someone who looks human but is actually an alien called “Doctor Who” from space. He is a “Timelord” which is like a “Starlord” but without the Chris Pratt. If you get confused just remember the simple acronym SLICPFGOTGATLIWICPTRODW (“Star Lord is Chris Pratt from Guardians of the Galaxy and Time Lord is whoever is currently playing the role of Doctor Who”) and you’ll be OK.
By contrast, there are no aliens on Star Trek (or ST as the real fans call it) but the show is full of people who dress up as aliens with silly clothes and plastic make-up so that’s nearly as good. Just watch it and see, they look so stupid, it’s really funny. No wonder the show is so popular.
Some fans get mad if people call “Doctor Who” by the wrong name of “The Doctor Who” so make sure not to make that mistake! You don’t want millions of angry nerds coming after you, or any nerds to be honest. NERDS! They’re just in a bad mood because all the time they were in high school they kept getting beaten up by the jockeys and never got to see the cheerleader’s pompoms.
Every year Doctor Who dies and gets reincarnated as a different Doctor Who, so it’s always changing. Similarly, whenever Kirk gets too bossy they kill him off and he is replaced with someone else like Pike or Spock or another Kirk who is a Hemsworth. However, there was one character that was such a fan favorite that they never killed him off and that was Wesley played by lookalike Will Weedon. After ST finished Will was never short of work and made his career by appearing on all sorts of brilliant and hilarious TV shows and also The Big Bang Theory.
As it is now 2018 Doctor Who is now a woman for the first time played by an actual woman called Julie Whittaker. She is going to be great and fans should give her a chance before writing off the show and saying they’ll never watch it again (about 12 minutes of the first episode should do it).
One of the stars of ST was SPOCK. He was married to his wife Pon Farr (crazy name, crazy gal!) and they were very happy together. Spock liked doing sex stuff for hours and hours but he wasn’t into anything kinky – hence his catchphrase “Love Long and Proper” which is still said by ST fans today. They are called Trekkies because I can’t think of a joke for that one.
Doctor Who fights lots of monsters across the universe including the Darlicks, Cybernetic Men and a metal dog called K9. Meanwhile, on ST they fight totally different monsters like Vulcans, Klingons, Cylons and, most scary of all, an enormous unstoppable Crusher.
BUT – how do they get around? Well in both shows there is a legendary mode of transport. Just like Star Wars has the Millennium Comicon and Bill and Ted have a time-travelling phone box on ST they are totally different as they have the Spaceship Enterprise (NCC-MDCCI) and Doctor Who has a time-travelling phone box too! But they didn’t steal the idea from Keanu and the other one. No, because Bill and Ted used the time-travelling phone box to go back in time to BEFORE Doctor Who started and copied the idea from them at THAT point so it totally counts. Genius! In fact did you know that in the OTHER time-travelling TV show called BACK TO THE FUTURE that the De Lorean was originally going to ALSO be a phone box? But then they realized that a phone box was unlikely to be able to get to 88mph so the idea was shelved.
Doctor Who’s spaceship is called the TARDIS which stands for something that nerds will be able to tell you. It’s probably TIMEMACHINE AMAZING, errr, REALLY DOPE, errr, INCREDIBLE SPACESHIP. Yes, that’ll do, don’t bother to write in.
The best thing about the TARDIS is that it looks like an old blue phone box from the past, even when it is in the future. Actually, it should be able to change into all sorts of shapes but in an early episode it got attacked by a chameleon and it’s been stuck as a phone box ever since. (Deep cut!)
Fun fact – did you know that as well as being a TV show ST is also some movies? The very best was the second one which was “The Wrath of Khan”. However the follow-ups tried to use the same formula and were not as good. There was “The Wrath of Car” about a furious Lightning McQueen, “The Wrath of Ma” about when you didn’t tidy your room, “The Wrath of Yar” about Tasha’s fury over leaving the show before it got good, the not very scary “Moth of Khan” which ate your clothes when you weren’t looking and, worst of all, “Star Trek Nemesis”. If Gene Roddenberry saw it he would turn in his grave. But he won’t see it. Because he’s dead.
Also did you know that ST has inspired many completely different movies about space and stuff? For example, there was “Interstellar” which was brilliant and the slightly disappointing sequel “Interstellar 2: Help I’m stuck in a bookcase”.
So, out of Star Trek and Doctor Who which one is the best? Obviously, it’s Doctor Who. FACT!
I hope you have learned a lot about these two amazing shows. They are the best SF TV ever made and they have been made ever since the 1960s which is long LONG ago. In fact, back in the 1960s they would have thought that 2018 was the future, so in a way aren’t we all the real time travelers? MIND BLOWN!!!
LOVE YOUR TARDIS,
Hedgehog xxx
Email: HedgehogAICN@mail.com
Twitter: @HedgehogAICN
Previous entries in this series:
REVENGE OF THE TALK BACKS vol. 1! "Hedgehog" vs THE MEG
REVENGE OF THE TALK BACKS vol. 2! "Hedgehog" vs James Bond
REVENGE OF THE TALK BACKS vol. 3! "Hedgehog" vs THE WALKING DEAD
REVENGE OF THE TALK BACKS vol. 4! "Hedgehog" vs PIXAR
REVENGE OF THE TALK BACKS vol. 5! "Hedgehog" vs BREAKING BAD!
REVENGE OF THE TALK BACKS vol. 6! "Hedgehog" vs AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR!
REVENGE OF THE TALK BACKS vol. 7! "Hedgehog" vs THE TERMINATOR!
