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Lost Identity and Manifest sing different songs about Rob Zombie's HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.... Sorry for quoting STAR TREK II at ya (heh heh I know what it's from)... Harry here, and that seems to be the mood on Rob Zombie's HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES. Though listen... what freaking reviewer are you going to listen to that would talk you out of seeing the damn thing. I mean, the title alone has me.... Great freaking title. Hell a picture of the director alone is scarier than most current horror films... VALENTINE anyone? Sigh... I know we'll have a Mike Myers CHERUB walking around killing people!!! Ew Ew Ew YEAH! Well, if HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES sucks, it'll suck in a grand hee haw way... it'll be a OHMYGOD bad... But ya know.... I think it is probably going to be way fun. Here's Lost Identity with one of the funniest reviews I've ever read!
Reviewer: Lost Identity
Age: 22
Interests: Music, art, musical performances, The Simpsons
Current Movie Liked: Crouching Tiger
Current Movie Disliked: Castaway
Harry and Crew:
Hey man, I'm a long time reader, first time writer. OK....I just saw
a test screening for Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses, and all I gotta
say is, the previous reviewers on your site saw a much diffrent movie
than I did. Actually, than everyone in house did. Zombie is a true
artist, and this movie is going to bring up the standard for horror
films in a big way. First off, lemmie give you a little background into
the movie and my personal expirences with it.
In November of 2000, I was out with a bunch of friends, one of whom
decided to bring her boyfriend. The boyfriend decided to bring his best
friend. The best friend's name was Chris....as in Chris Hardwick. So
we're all sitting down having dinner, and he starts rapping about this
film he's in, House of 1000 Corpses, and I just sit there and listen
intently. He seems a little hesitant to talk about it in a serious tone,
instead using his tradmark 'Chris Hardwick' sarcasm, which leads me to
believe that he's not that happy about the picture. (Chris, if you read
this or hear about this review, please don't take it personally.....and
make sure you read down further to hear about the props you're about to
be given.) He also doesn't say anything positive about the film....so
now I'm a little jaded. I'm wondering if Zombie has totally messed up.
On top of this, I'm very much into Rob Zombie, White Zombie, and his art
and twisted view of Americana, and to see his Empire fail in any way
would make me cry. So I come home, punch up www.aintitcool.com, and
check out some reviews on the movie. There's two reviews, both slamming
the movie big time. So now I'm super scared and thinking this movie is
gonna suck.
Cut to tonight......
I pick up one of my best friends (my drummer), who's super stoked
about the film, and we head out towards the Winnetka Pacific Theater in
Chatsworth. I'm being very cautious, and I'm holding back on how hyped
up I am to see this movie, in case it sucks and I look like a fool. My
little sister has stood in line for 4 hours (the whole family loves Rob)
and we show up minutes before they start letting people in. Of course,
as with all private screenings, there are 500 seats, but 1000 passes
have been handed out, and 800 people have shown up...so I apologize to
the first two people in line that were denied entry because the 2 of us
cut in line at the last second. The crowd is mostly an 'alternative'
type; I'm seeing shaved heads, lotsa facial piercings, and heads of hair
the colors of a rainbow. Then right at 7:00pm, the lights go dark, and a
few people enter from the upper rear exit of the theater, and as soon as
everyone sees the shaggy, dreadlocked shadow of Rob Zombie enter and
take his seat in the last row 3rd seat over, the roars begin. The film
starts, and I slouch down to get more comfortable with my cherry
squishiee.
Cut to 15 minutes later.....
The crowd is roaring and cheering over one of the most awesome,
intense intros I have ever seen. The dialouge that takes place is
superb...it's as real as can be and executed perfectly! If I were
personally in a situation that played out like the intro, everyone would
have acted and talked exactly the same. Props to everyone in that scene,
and super props to Spalding, who is one of the main characters in the
movie. He brings a super heapin helpin of sarcastic realism to the
flick. On the gore side, I can see why Universal gave this movie an
NC-17 in the first 15 min. The movie then goes on to set the scene and
intoduce some of the main characters, including Chris Hardwick's
character. I didn't like Singled Out, and I was really not expecting to
like him. But on the real, he is one of the 4-5 characters that makes
this film smoke! Super props to Chris! After the scene is set and the
kids go on their 'quest', the movies heats up and Rob Zombie's love of
sexy, long legged, blonde haired women come into the picture. There are
definate refrences to Sean Yesult, Rob's female bass player in White
Zombie. The action then heats up again, with more crazyness and more
gore. Another refrence shows up, this time in the character of Tiny, who
is an obvious 'shout out' to the The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, one of
Rob's favorite movies. The character of Grandpa has dialouge second only
to that of Spalding's...the crowd was rolling at his little 'stand up'
monolouge, which shows the raunchy-houmor side of Rob. After the gore
fest, which despite the previous reviews on this site, ARE gory and ARE
original, the story dips down again and introduces another batch of
characters, including the soon to be ridiculed Andy Griffith
hick-police. The searching party goes out to look for the missing kids,
and more of the story unfolds. The action kicks up again, with one of
the most AWESOME, ASS-KICKING scenes I have ever seen in a horror
film....hell, in any film! I'm trying so hard not to give out too much
of the movie....but when you see it, just pay attention to the slow
motion, cop killing scene at this point in the film. Zombie is a master
of creating a mood with not only visuals, but music as well....put it
this way....this scene rivals the scene in Trainspotting where
McGreggor's character OD's, and slips in and out of conscienceness.
Remember how the music fit that scene wonderfully in a weird, ironic
way, but yet in a perfect way? Zombie does the same with this scene but
steps it up a notch....and how he ends it with a super long, suspensful
pause was breath stealing! When the scene came to an end, I yelled out
'Rob! Don't change that scene!!!' over thunderous yells and applause.
Just needed to let 'The Man' know how damn good it was. The movie then
dips down from the action again, telling more of the story, only to then
go back into some twisted action-gore fest for the last 30 minutes of
the movie. The costumes in this part are unreal...Zombie takes stabs at
cops, Disney, and Americana in ultra subliminal ways. He uses it as his
own little vehicle to voice his own personal opinions, and I'm sure he
was sitting the last row, chuckling to himself at all of his little
hidden 'East Eggs'. There is a lot going on in this movie, and I'm going
to have to see it at least 2-3 more times to be able to take everything
in. The last 15 min of the film go deep into Rob's dark, twisted brain,
with imagery and straight out Rob Zombie artistic flair. The story is
wrapped up, and characters eluded to in the film are revealed. Now, this
is one of the most awesome parts in the movie. Zombie brings in some
AWESOME Zombiesque sets, and several ultra-nice eye candy looking bad
guys. Now, had these characters been in the entire movie, they would
have become dull and tired, losing their impact, a la Jar Jar Binks. My
inital impression was 'Damn is that a bad ass or what?!?!?!', and
because they were in the film for all of 5 minutes, I was left with that
impression. Very very slick to not be afraid of only having characters
in the movie for a short while. Excelent twist at the end.....Watch for
the 'Alice In Wonderland' refrence, another stab at good ol' Americana.
As the lights came on and the theater literally EXPLODED, I looked
behind me to maybe catch a glimpse of Rob and give me a big smile, but
alas, he was allready gone.
Cut to 1 hour after the movie when I begin writing this letter......
So that's it. Awesome movie, I'm going to own this flick. This is
going to be the kind of movie that the big directors in the next 15
years will claim to have been influenced by. First off, Rob Zombie is an
artist, second a muscian/performer, and lastly a movie creator. He pours
so much imagery into this film, it totally reaks of Zombiesque art and
influences. Everything in this movie is there for a reason, none of it
is B.S. When I later thought about it, the flow of the movie was exactly
written out like a Zombie song. I don't know if he did this
intentionally, but being a musician myself in a band in LA, I could
totally 'feel' the dynamics of the flick as if it were a tune. It pretty
much went like this; Intro, Verse, Chorus, Verse, Break Down, Verse,
Long Extended Chorus, Outro. If he didn't do this on purpose, and
instead went on instinct, this shows that he put very deep parts of his
soul and creativity into this movie as if it were a song. Super duper
props to Zombie. I did talk to a few heads after leaving the theater,
and the only 2 people that I confronted that didn't like the movie were
2 overly dressed, permed hair, gum popping valley girls, and this movie
wasn't made for them anyways. First, it's made for Zombie fans. Second,
it's made for horror fans, and third it's made for the kind of fan that
like 'Blair Witch' for it's uniqueness and creativity. This film rocks,
and is easily my first favorite horror film over Alien and then over
Texas Chainsaw. Zombie is gonna make a ton of money off this flick, and
hopefully, a bunch more Zombie horror films will follow. Thanks Harry!
-Your Humble Reviewer
Lost Identity
P.S. Universal better havet his movie out by summer or they are the
biggest buncha tards in the movie industry!!! On the REAL!Alright, so you are jazzed, you think it is the second coming of the horror film... You feel adrenaline pumping through you. You feel like doing jumping jacks and popping that amil nitrate... but then comes this review.... read and weep....
Oh fucking christ, I dont care if it was a free screening, this
movie was so bad I almost demanded that they pay me for the two
hours they stole from my life.
It starts out with four goofy teenagers that are driving cross
country so they can write a book about tourist traps,
so naturally when they find a road side attraction that is essentially
a FUCKED UP version of the haunted mansion at disneyland they
pay for a quick run through of it. while on the tour of said
fucked up carnival they are told of a guy who was hung for trying
to make a super army out of retards, the scientists name was,
drumroll.....dr satan. yeah thats original. so obviously the
kids go looking for the tree where dr satan was hung, and on
the way get pick up a smoking hot blonde hillbilly girl (I mean
hot, but for all the teasing they never get her naked) who takes
them back to her place, where her family proceeds to kill and
torture them... man I was pissed, I love horror films, and at
this point in the filem I expected things to start rocking, because
it is pretty general knowledge that the begining of most slasher
flicks sucks, its just setting up the gore. Unfourtunatley the
movie never picked up, the torture (the audiences or the characters,
you choose) continues, and when the inevitable rescue team shows
up they all die in about fifteen seconds. seriously. and just
when it seems like its never going to end you finally meet old
dr satan (and his retard army who might I add all look like quake
2 bosses) whom are easily outran/crushed by rocks. god awful.
I went in with the highest hopes, and came out wondering where
two hours of my life went.
ManifestHarry here again.... so what do we take from Manifest and Lost Identity's reviews? One splooged all over it, the other hurled. If Lost Identity is a Universal PR person in disguise, I have to give serious props for being the funniest alleged stereotyped headbanger writing a film review ever. And did Manifest walk in as a self absorbed pretentious horror film dweeb anxious to make his own mark on the world of film and jealous that Zombie made his mark and decided to shit and piss on it? Well.... God knows if she's alive, but I sure don't. Take what you will, but a movie titled HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES has my body in the theater... Hell, I watched and had fun with THE MANGLER... I can risk this!
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Duh, harry, "House of A 1000 Corpses"???
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...what anybody says, I'm going to see this movie. I'm hoping Lost Identity is right. As soon as I heard Rob Zombie was making a movie I was pumped. No matter what I hear about this movie, I will see it, and most likely enjoy it. And no, I'm not a typical metal-head, goth kid. I'm just a fan of Rob Zombie and am dying to see this movie.
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i think i'll pass on this one & save my $8 bucks. i'll catch it on video when it comes out.....
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just like his music: People who "get it", and people who "dont". Rob Zombie is one of the most sarcastic artists out there, and his look at so-called "Americana" just may not go down well with everyone. This is clearly a "Have-Fun-And-Watch-Plenty-Of-People-Get-Stabbed-Up-The-Ass-And-For-Gods-Sake-Dont-Take-It-Too-Seriously" kind of movie, and i just know im going to enjoy it......NUXX OUT.....
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LOL....thanks for the positive feedback Harry....I'm quite flattered that you think I'm a PR dude for Universal. Actually, I'm just a 22 yr old musicial from LA enjoying moderate fame in my band. First off, I had to write the little pre-review to let everyone know what type of mentality I had going into this film, and how I was completley changed within the first 15 minutes. I do have one complaint. Considering this was a 'working version', there was less Zombie music in it than I would have liked, but I really doubt that Rob's gonna put this film out and not put out a sound track. He's always been the master of marketing, and I'm sure this venture will not be any diffrent. See this movie at all costs, and pray along with me at the altar of Zombie that a slew of movies will come our way from 'The Man'.
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after reading lost identity's review and talkback post, i've decided that he's either A) a studio whore or B) the most out of touch 22 year old i've ever read. who writes like that? very unnatural and clumsy. like, LOL...thanks for the compliment, but no i'm not a studio plant- hahahaha. anyway i do have one complaint... Good lord. and no regular old AICN reader would come to a talk back, see that one guy hilariously rip him to shreds, and not say a word about it. there is your proof. and about the movie, i might see it if there isn't anything better. rob zombie's pretty cool and there are few horror movies i actually expect to be good, so that doesn't really matter as long as its a gore fest with some cheap thrills.
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i'm sorry i just noticed that. man, this guy sounds like a middle aged man trying to sound hip. or "with it". did you notice how many things that had quotes around them in the review? i could just imagine being the person in conversation who attaches air quotes to words without the slightest hint of sarcasm. people who do that make me sick. and sleep deprivation makes me bitter.
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Interesting comments! I don't really feel the need to defend myself from anyone's rips, cause when this movie comes out and hauls major ass, you're gonna know what I'm talking about. The review was meant to be a bit amusing, because I've read way too many dry reviews here and wished they were a little more entertaining. Oh...and don't confuse middle aged with educated...not all 22 yr olds are morons! Thanks for putting up my post Harry...and our little bet is on!
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I'll paraphrase what he said, "and this guy is called Dr Satan, How original is that?" Hey buddy, here's a dollar, go buy yourself a sense of humour. I think I would rather listen to the first guy.
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I'm so there! Any film with a bad guy called Dr Satan has my vote!
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According to digitalferox.com, house of 1000 corpses will not top cannibal ferox in the much important gore department. There are no "a man called horse" style killings, and no jungle castrations. What a waste.
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No Suit could in their wildest imaginings use "On The Real" even when writing a phoney review. This brightened my morning. Thanks, everyone. great article, great talkback.
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Jan 17, 2001 4:40:08 AM CST
Yeah, but it still can't be any worse than Scream 3, so that aut
by xthecrovvx
Yeah i know, thats poor excuse for going to see a flick, but i simply cannot resist.....Rob Zombie is the patron saint of horrorphiles, and i sincerely doubt he would let his own creation suck ass in the way that many of the horror movies of the last 5 years have.....and to tell you the truth, this second blasphemous reviewer sounds like she didn't wanna see this flick at all, and was looking for flaws all the way....but, then again....im one of those select few that enjoyed BWP2....does that tarnish my opinion some? In any case, I'm very much hoping Universal shows some faith for this movie, and doesnt push it back any more than summer...so see this film buried before its time would be a tragedy in itself....Revolution is my name...
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This movie sounds like it will rock from beginning to end. And the second reviewer here sounds like an uptight dork. How can anyone not like a movie that not only is called House of 1,000 Corpses but also includes a character named Dr. Satan. To me, that's a sign of a movie that has its head on straight and its heart in the right place. I'll still hold off on taking Lost Identity's rave as gospel just yet but so far everything about this movie looks cool. I'm sure a lot of negative reviews of this will come from people who think they're being smart by pointing out the supposed lack of originality on deck here but this is intended as a true homage to the days of '70s horror and exploitation films. It HAS to be about a group of hapless, dope-smoking kids who run afoul of demented, homicidal inbreeds. I just hope this is able to be released in a cut as close as possible to what Zombie wants without losing too much to the MPAA.
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Jan 17, 2001 5:19:11 AM CST
Is the title of this movie really HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES?
by roguewriter
I mean -- written exactly like that? That's moronic enough to blow off the flick for -- the literal interpretation would be HOUSE OF A ONE THOUSAND CORPSES. Shouldn't it just be HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES? Zombie may be a current horror auteur or not, but if he missed this one, he's a dumbass bar none. Hope it's just Harry's error...
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How many freakin' times can a teenager possibly use the word 'props' in a paragraph?!? I would hate to see this kids term paper! "Yo man, I gotta give props to lincoln man, you know, man, he saved the slaves man, and for man, I give him super duper pooper props...man!"
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First, the first review has a VERY strong odor to it, and it's one of two smells, take your pick; the first is studio hype. This may not be an example, but we all have to admit they've improved considerably.
Still, this strikes me as just a tad suspect. Just an example; Lost Identity praises the dialogue as being realistic in the opening scene. WHAT??? With a title like "House of 1000 Corpses" and an atmosphere that is an obvious tribute to flicks like "Motel Hell" and "Town of A Thousand Maniacs", the dialogue is realistic? Doubtful. I'm sure you can find your own.
The second option is unreasoning fanboy love: this guy loves Rob Zombie and thinks he's brilliant and creative; which tells us he's never dug too deeply into comic books (Lost, if you're reading this: FIND SOME CHARLES BURNS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!) or, for that matter, horror movies. He's a music fan, not a film fan. It's like me offering my opinion of Zombie's CDs; sure, I can tell you whether I liked it or not, but I'm not qualified to say anything beyond that, I don't have the depth or breadth of experience. Switch "CDs" with "movies", and that's what's up with our good friend Lost here.
Second, I have a theory as to why the reviews are splitting so evenly down the middle.
People who have seen the 50s, 60s, and 70s cheapo B-flicks and the horror classics those decades produced think "Corpses" rots.
The ones who haven't delved too deeply into horror, who grew up on the (for the most part) crap horror of the 80s and 90s, think it's great. To them it's fresh and original.
So, to us, "House Of 1000 Corpses" will probably be an utter piece of shit. I'm just wondering if it'll be the "Battlefield Earth" of horror. It seems likely; with B.E. and Dungeons and Dragons, Hollywood's hit the nadir of the other two genres... -
Lost Identity is fer sure the #2 type described above, the white zombie fanboy who totally wants this movie to rule. The only reason I can think of to know for sure its not a corporate whore is the fact that those guys don't read AICN. If they did, would they continue to churn out the crap they have in the years this site has been up?
I so want this movie to rule. And if Lost Identity is right, it will. And it doesn't matter anyway, I'll pay for it. Because there is so little coming out for the metalhead nowadays that touches his heart. Yes, we metalheads have hearts, too. (sniff) Rob Zombie always touches my heart. (sniff, sad violins) -
AAHH, you evil, evil thing, Bring back Brain DePalma!!!
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..first, the Winnetka was a grand old drive in theater that was torn down to make room for the giant malificent megalithic multiplex that stands there today. Now, that being out of the way, the second reveiwer at least talks about what he saw. The first reviewer names, names right out of a presskit. Though, I like Zombie's music, I would be curious what kind of director he is and who his first a.d. was. Also, there was no mention of the "Uncle Sam" and the "Burned Clown" characters that basically do the wrap around intro and outros of the film. Were they cut out?
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Jan 17, 2001 7:41:32 AM CST
I have to disagree on the opinion of the 60's/70's B-movie horro
by iamlegolas
With all The Gap model-like kids from the WB pretending-to-be actors/actresses in pretend-to-be horror movies that have been prevalent since around (whenever "Scream" came out) this will indeed be a breath of fresh air for ANY horror fan. I like my horror realistic, but also campy in a good way. "Dawn Of The Dead" "Evil Dead" "Phantasm", etc. Also I don't need a soundtrack filled with 12 KROQ 106.7 type bands inserted randomly on every car radio, in every bar, etc. in the movie scenes just because the studio wanted to push on the masses to make some more coin. I talked to Rob Zombie (no, I don't know him) about that about 6 months ago and he said, at the time, the soundtrack was just a music score.
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yeah, i am. ok, lost identity. i didn't confuse 22 with educated. i just didn't think anyone with a soul could possibly use so many "trendy" catch phrases per sentence. i have abandoned any thoughts of you being a studio plant though. you're as dorky as the average poster. and i agree with the one poster who said that he's a severe fan of rob zombie more than movies. if i were to watch Un Chien Andalou from the perspective of a fan of Salvador Dali and again as a fan of cinema, i could have two different opinions (tho i doubt it). and maybe he was just being "funny". and maybe i just don't have a "sense" "of" "humor".
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how many promise gorefests and how few deliver. In MY day Jason stabbed Marty McFlys dad in the eye with a cork screw... What depresses me is the first guy is like -Zombies an artist and blah blah blah...to paraphrase...okay whatever...then he says something about Robs love of hot blondes...ooh shock there...then the second guy says she DOESN'T get naked...sorry but if you have a hot blonde tease femme fatale in a horror film she BEST GET NAKED. What a waste...I hope Jason X doesn't suck too... Anyone know when Twilight of the Damned is coming out... Where's my horror gone...not the 'I still know what you might or might not have done the year before last summer' but REAL Shining Kubrick full on old school Carpenter horror???
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How are allusions to "Alice in Wonderland" attacks on Americana? Unless you're talking about the Disney version, the story/novel is British(please tell me if I'm wrong about that) and an attack on Victorian society. Also, when defending originality, it helps to explain what is so original about it. That said, at least this will be an interesting rental.
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Jan 17, 2001 8:59:30 AM CST
L. Frank Baum was an American -- the OZ books are pure Americana
by roguewriter
Screw OZ -- it sucks. Gimme Narnia anyday. Real conflict, real tension, worthwhile allegorical storytelling. And hey, Baum was a racist asshole, so that shoulda been your first clue about which country he comes from... =)
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I gotta say--I'm with Harry on this one--seems like House of 1000 Corpses is worth checking out for sheer curiosity sake--Besides I'm a big Zombie fan--I believe he knows how to scare the shit out of people. I'm in.
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Thank fuckin' god cuz i'm sick of all this partyoffive bullshit. Let's bring on the pain! Bring on the mayhem, the corny acting, and the freakshow.
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It's been so long since I felt the urge but all I'm going to say is if 1000 CORPSES is even half as good as Bob Balaban's immortal "PARENTS" then I'll pay to see it. As for the 2 reviews, um, I'm going to stick with the original 2 reviews given to the earlier cut of the film (waaaaay back when) because, if I recall right, neither of their personalities seemed to overwhelm their, uh, a-Hem, critique the way these 2 guys do.
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Ooh! The last time a rock star (their term, not mine) tried to make a horror movie the result was Dee Snider's "Strangeland!" Need I say more? OK, I'll reserve judgment until someone other than RZ's zombified flacks write reviews of this (a la the first review above) but this could suck in ways mankind has only previously dared to imagine! I've been burned too badly by too many horror flicks ("Halloween IV," "Event Horizon" or "The Haunting," anyone?) to get up too much optimism.
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So, I dragged myself over the first review a second time and am still trying to make a determination as to what exactly was so funny about it. Maybe it was that sophisticated sarcastic brand of humor that Rob Zombie puts to such hilarious use? Maybe it was the spelling of "monolouge" and "dialouge"? I still don't know. Anyway, keep it on the real. (By the way, does anyone still perm their hair these days ?) **Battleposter: Define the word "futily".**
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Harry, harry, harry. I read the site and love most of what you have up here, but then I come across a line like "I had fun with the Mangler." Jesus H. Christ Harry. What is wrong with you sometimes?? I am the biggest Stephen King fan in the world (not his #1 fan), but next to "Maximum Overdrive", "The Mangler" had to be one of the single worst films I have ever seen. And that is saying something considering that I saw "Street Fighter" in all of its wide screen glory. How in the Holy Hell could you "have fun" with "The Mangler"???? It was the worst written, worst acted, and worst paced film I have ever had the unfortunate "priveledge" of seeing. PLEASE, choose those witty little Bon-Mots a little more carefully next time.
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Jan 17, 2001 11:37:11 AM CST
Could someone tell me where the humor was present in that first
by cooler-than-thou
Because I didn't see it anywhere. All I saw were the near rabid diatribe of some shitwit who uses the word 'super' way too much. Is Lost Identity from Jersey or something. "Yo. House of a 1000 Corpses is wicked awesome. I was super scared." It was like listening to some ex-con who read a dictionary cover to cover while in the pen and suddenly thinks he's a fucking scholar. No. On second thought it was more like Mike Tyson and his obsession with the word 'ludicrous'. Remember when he got out of prison and he was on television telling those reporters that it was 'luud-i-crisp' to think that he'd rape again? Remember that gut-busting laugh that I'm sure erupted from everyone's throat when they heard him? That's what it felt like to read Lost's review except it wasn't funny. Just annoying. And for those of you that already think that Harry's a lameass flunky, the declaration of this review being funny, should confirm your suspicion. I usually don't go apeshit over a film review but that was so bad I couldn't help it. And for any of you that ask if I think I could do better, my response is hell yeah!
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Anyone ever the song Land of 1000 Dances by Wilson Pickett? I have a funny little brain fart comparing House of 1000 Corpses to Land of 1000 Dances, but it is only funny in my head.
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I am in now way a "pretentious horror film dweeb" in fact Im quite the opposite. I reall really like shit horror, and now that Im a bit more coherent I can tell you exactly WHY this was so bad.
the serious lack of direction hurt this film, with the cast they had it could have been the second coming of the goofy slasher flick, (it reminded me a lot of motel hell for the first half hour) but none of it made any sense, was there a supernatural force that these damn hillbillies worshipped? who the fuck knows? were the people living at the bottom of the well out front zombies or retards? who the fuck knows? Why does the movie take place in 1977? who the fuck knows? Its the morning after seeing this hunk of shit and Im more pissed than I was after I saw battlefield earth, at least we could laugh at that.
and furthermore, I dont know if Lost Identity was at the same screening I was at but when the movie was over, and we were filling out those stupid questionarres, NOT ONE PERSON within a twenty foot radius of me had anything good to say about it.. In fact I have a feeling that had Rob Zombie been there we would have kicked his ass for it. -
I agree with PR_Frank...I can't wait till this movie comes out.. Rob Zombie is the BOMB... He has great vision and his Music and Videos are awesome.. There's always some PRICK like MANIFEST who doesn't get what Zombie is all about... I think MANIFEST needs to go back to film school and review films like Bambi... MANIFEST YOU SUCK!!!!
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...all true artists get stoned!!!...art inspires culture and society...humanity evolves beneath the artist's vision...how else do you think we progress!!! - democracy????....think again....meditate a little while....smoke this.....
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...i'm not trying to say rob zombiesesss is an artist(or not).....couldn't give a shit about the guy....
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Hey guys. So, Zombie was there, and it's a little obvious that Manifest just didn't get the random humor ladden throughout the movie. I think he may have been sitting in the second row or something. Zombie was 6 rows behind me and my posse, and I pitty the foo that tries to take him down. The burnt clown is Spalding (he's still in the movie and one of the BEST characters) and this movie still rocks, even the morning after. Zombie, bringith us thine horror flicks, and enlighten all nay-sayers with holy truth and hellfire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PS- If anyone has a problem with my writing style or few grammatical mistakes......tough titty!
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Don't you just love 22-year-olds telling you about originality? Everything looks new and original to them. Some even think Rob Zombie's music sounds original. Always sounded like Alien Jourgenson/Ministry/Lard ripoffs to me. And you know how such mastery of music always translates into mastery of cinema.
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actually Im a huge zombie fan, Ive seen him live twice, (once with white zombie, once solo) and dug both his shows. but as a film fan, this movie was utter shit. it had so much potential but it was all wasted bullshit. Rob oughtta stick with music. BTW I do believe Lost Identity to be a plant. aint no way someone actually dug this hunk of shit.
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IAmLegolas's girlfriend,in regards to the reviewers comment: "and on the way get pick up a smoking hot blonde hillbilly girl (I mean hot, but for all the teasing they never get her naked): "I am 90% sure that that actress is Rob Zombie's wife, and with female derogatory comments like that and prevalent other places on this site, it's no wonder why most geeks can't get a date." She has spoken. IAmLegolas OUT!
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Hey Lost? Grammatical mistakes have nothing to do with the negative reaction to your review. The fact that your writing sucks is the problem. It reads like a 13 year old girl's diary. You wrote that shit as if this were 1988 and you just got back from a sneak preview of 'License to Drive'. It's disgusting man. Why is it that people can't be a fan of a celebrity without turning into a little bitch? And I know Lost Identity isn't the only shitwit here that swoops and swoons over any crapass product that has a celebrity's name stamped across it. Sinner29 is guilty too. You're giving Manifest a hard time because he didn't like the movie when he has seen it and you haven't? That doesn't even make any sense. Just because Rob Zombie's a talented musician (which he is) doesn't mean he's going to give horror pioneers like Wes Craven, Sam Raimi & George Romero a run for their money. Don't be an idiot.
Shit, I love Outkast but you wouldn't see me foaming at the mouth if they decided to make a movie. I probably wouldn't even see it for fear that it'd turn out like 'House Party'. But back to the point. I'm not saying this movie is going to suck. If it turns out that Lost Identity is right and the movie does kicks ass, then cool.
But if it's shit, it's shit plain and simple. Rob Zombie the badass musician isn't guaranteed to be Rob Zombie the filmmaking genius. -
To all you idiots who are having a heart attack thinking of witty things to say to insult or otherwise discredit my man Lost Identity, if this in effort to find out if this movie is worth the much vaunted $7.00 you earn an hour at the local quickie mart in Akron, Ohio, you stupid fucking videophiles should stop popping pimples at age 35 and go see the movie anyways just for the joy of seeing blood on the big screen. That's why I'll be there. Stop attacking his grammar, take your thumbs out of your asses and smell your collective ego. Have fun!!!!!!!
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Studio plant? Not if the flick is gonna be NC-17 What studio is going to try to create interest in something that few theatres will carry and most of us will never get to see before it comes out on video and dvd? Also, I'mpretty sure(not completely) that the chick in the flick is with Zombie in one way or another so it was pretty much a given that there wouldn't be any nekkidness from her.
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"Zombie was 6 rows behind me and my posse, and I pitty the foo that tries to take him down." ...a mix of New Jack city and the A-Team...How sad...
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Hi. I too was at the screening (I received a speeding ticket going home for going 75 on a 65 MPH freeway. DAMN IT!), and Lost's post is not only untrue, but its exaggerated to the extreme. Want an HONEST review? Read on.
First, the movie started at around 7:20. These things always run late. It started, but my friends and I did not see "Rob Zombies shadow". I tend to think that if the hulking figure did actually show up, there would be SOME KIND of commotion, which there was not. SO take the whole "ROb ZOmbie was there" with a grain of salt. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the movie started, but WITHOUT the "roaring and cheering" of the crowd after the first 15 minutes. The first 15 minutes were very dull, predictable, UNIMAGINATIVE, and cheesy. I know many of you have posted about the amazing imagination and sarcasm of Rob Zombie. That may all be true in his music, but it SURE AS HELL did NOT show here. The ONLY applause, (Which was very scattered and hushed) came from when 2 people got shot in the opening. But that was from about one or two people (Maybe it was Lost who clapped, who knows?), and was NOTHING like the "Thunderous" applause he describes. That's utter Bull.
Next, Lost goes on to describe the utter realism of the people in the situation. I guess Lost, like the people in the movie, would ALSO just sit there, screaming like a banshee in a COMPLETELY WORKING, MOTOR RUNNING, READY TO ROLL, KEYS HAVE ALREADY BEEN TURNED CAR and watch as his boyfriend/girlfriend was being beaten in front of them. I guess he thinks that "utter realism" WOULDN'T be to step on the gas and get away, or step on the gas and hit the attacker. Nope. Like the people in the movie, he'd just sit there, wailing and screaming, and trying to just sitting there as they watch the man with the pipe smash their windows ;-) No, this movie is FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR from realistic, and the acting, save for the younger sherrif/hick and granddad is C R A P P Y. Now, I'm not one of those pricks who knocks every little detail in horror movies. I happen to like cheesy horror flicks, and we ALL KNOW that the victims in the movie are going to do the LEAST REASONABLE AND INTELLIGENT THING IMAGINABLE....im just trying to point out that Lost's comments are utter and total BULL.
Next, Lost talks about Granddads monologue, in which the audience was "rolling". Yeah....THE AUDIENCE IN THE FREAKING MOVIE. Some kids in the front row might have been chuckling because gramps kept saying "pussy", but other than that, it wasn't that great. Although props to the gramps for portraying a disgusting old hick to a T. However, no rolling laughter from the audience.
Next, Lost talks about a cop killing scene, which was OK. There was again, no thunderous applause or shouting. There was hushed applause from various people again after the cop bought it, but the gore up to this point is NOTHING original, and nothing to applaud over. PERIOD. SO far, the film has consisted of BAD camera angles, CHEAP, FAKE looking blood, ANNOYING actors, Z E R O plot....it was sad. To compare this movie to Trainspotting, a fairly original movie filled with talented people who could ACTUALLY ACT is a crime.
Now Lost gets into the amazing costumes and sets.......OK. Have you ever been to Universal's Halloween Horror Nights Rob Zombie Maze??? That was it. They took all the crappy costumes that the universal employees wear, all the sets they used in that maze, (I'm not joking...I went through that maze many times), all the same animatronic robots...and stuck them in that movie. That's the HIGHEST QUALITY your looking at...Universal employees. In fact, you can compare the WHOLE MOVIE to that maze....all it is is a bunch of people dressed up in blatantly un-scarry costumes, leaping out for no reason. That's all this movie really was. The rob zombie maze with a pretty basic, horror movie plot thrown in the back ground. I hate to break it to you people, but there ARE no ultra eye candy monsters. I kid you not, and I cant stress it enough....Universal Halloween Horror Nights. That's it. That's the ultra scary monsters. Again, some people dig the cheesy monsters in horror flicks....im just saying how it is.
Finally, Lost talks about how the theatre "Exploded" as the lights came on. The only "explosion" where people rushing the the door to get out, but being denied by the prissy Screening execs. They made us fill out a form that rated the movie. It was fun watching virtually everyone in the movie theater chuckle to themselves and to their friends as they began writing things in like "Id rather stab myself in the left nut that watch this crap again". Well, I can only IMAGINE they were writing that, but the people in front of me loudly shared with themselves what they had written: Ahem: "I have just lost 2 hours of my life. 2 hours I can never get back. 2 hours wasted watching this utter piece of ^%$#. I am now going home to weep" I personally thought that was funny.
This was NOT an awesome flick. This movie will NOT be revered by directors. It will be ridiculed, if it is even released, as an utter piece of garbage, with no plot, tired and cheesy gore, very BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD acting, and just God awful. Listen, there are many Rob Zombie fans here. My FRIENDS whom I went with were Rob Zombie fans (I am not personally a fan, and IM sure lots of you will blame that for my dislike in the movie), but ill lay it out straight: This is a BAD movie. Its cool to be a fan, but even the fans cant deny that Rob should stick to song writing and singing. It will be a miracle if this movie si released at all. I can POSSIBLY see this movie coming out on a straight to video basis, which I'm sure Universal will do. Because there's NO WAY it can make money otherwise.
Well, that's an HONEST rehash of what happened, and what did not happen. Lost's post was filled with exaggeration, and is pretty humorous to read if you were AT the screening. So, take my post as you like. I just told it like it is ;-)
-Romulusguy
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Have they changed ANYTHING since I reviewed this movie back in, what, SEPTEMBER? Holy Jeebus, Rob, stick to what you know; your music rocks. Liking Texas Chainsaw Massacre does not a horror fan make. Sit down to Fulci's "Zombie" for Chrissakes, it's one half of your friggin' name! Trying to mix humor and horror? Study Peter Jackson's "Bad Taste" and "Brain Dead" (AKA Dead Alive)! Rob, ol' buddy, you need some Hammer films in your diet as well. I really had high hopes for this movie, and it was just rehashed catpoo. Maybe I should just make my own damned movie....
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If he was, he wouldn't keep coming back here and writing the equivalent of "Oh YEAH, you guys?!" over and over again. He's obviously just a younger film and music fan who's jazzed over what he considers a milestone movie. But I would suggest to him that he might sit down with a catalogue of the great horror of years gone by, from WHITE ZOMBIE to DAWN OF THE DEAD, from BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN to RE-ANIMATOR, from BLACK SUNDAY to SUSPIRIA, and discover for himself the truth: horror was great LONG before Rob Zombie hit the scene. Whether or not 1000 CORPSES is worthwhile or not remains to be seen (by most of us) but I suspect ANYTHING's got to be better than I, LIKE, *STILL* KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER. The modern crop of so-called "horror" movies is the worst shit since someone thought it would be wise to franchise out the CRITTERS and LEPRECHAUN series... Horror's in a bad state of disrepair, folks -- I for one would LOVE to see some of you old-school fans start ruminating about how to bring back the serious screamers of yesteryear. START WRITING. Help make the next decade better for horror than the last has been.
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Jan 18, 2001 9:01:40 AM CST
IAMLEGOLAS, you have a girlfriend? Are you sure it wasn't just y
by 'nuff said!
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Damn near impossible to get a decent, unbiased review out of a guy who genuflects in front of R.Z. albums at home.
"Semi-successful" LA band? Which band, praytell, is THAT? -
Anyone whose best claim to name-dropping is Chris "I used to work with Jenny McCarthy" Hardwick, deserves as much verbal abuse as you can heap upon him. I myself am looking forward to the flick.
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This movie has blood, I like blood, I want to see blood, I'm going to see blood. Thats all I eve asked from a horror movie in the first place. And Rob is a truly lovely sicko, long live the freaks.
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I think a general knowledge of Rob Zombie, and viewing the interviews with him on the Ho1kC site will lead most to believe that anything is possible and the film will be pretty unexpected. I don't, however, subscribe to the idea that if you don't like it, it's because you've failed to appreciate the subtle sophistication. If it's good, it's good, and I for one have not been disappointed with Zombie's work yet.
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