DRACULA 2000 review

It had a promising trailer... the concept that Dracula was still alive... imprisoned for all eternity in a cross covered coffin.... until some over-eager thieves decide to open Pandora's box and unleash the terror upon the world.

That premise... combined with the knowledge that the vampire special effects looked cool.... and that Wes Craven was producing... well, I was interested. In fact... This was the first film I chose to see upon returning to America.

I chose poorly.

I would say the first 30 minutes or 40 minutes of this movie are quite a bit of fun.... but suddenly, the movie goes into helpless stupidity mode, and constantly made me groan and stare at the exit sign.

The film made the cardinal sin of horror films... trying to OVER-EXPLAIN the myth. Here, they decide to tell us that Dracula was not really Vlad the impaler... well... he was, but before that.... around the year 0.... Dracula was a close friend of Jesus Christ's. Oh yes, not only that, but the reason Dracula fears crosses and silver? Well, he is JUDAS! WHAT THE FUCK SORT OF BULLSHIT REVISIONIST CRAP IS THIS!?!?!??!?!?

OH... and the only way to kill Dracula is to apparently HANG him. WOW.... That's great! How freakin innovative....

Now, I almost could have forgiven them this stupidity, but for the flashback while looking at the LAST SUPPER painting, when suddenly the head turned at Jesus turns and it is..... dum dum duuuuummmmm..... DRACULA!!!!! UGH!!!!!

Christopher Plummer is pretty cool... the guy playing Dracula continually felt like a cut rate Frank Langella.... bringing Dracula to the Bayou felt tooo hokie Anne Rice-ish to me.... Then having the beautiful young Van Helsing chick's roommate be LUCY WESTERMAN (instead of Lucy Westerna) and then the Cajun Autopsy doc called DOCTER SEWARD.... UGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!! Please... please hit me with the wink machine again!

As the last hour of the film ended... I regretted every moment spent with the film. This is the exact sort of film I hate most. A movie that held a promising premise and then just pissed it all away by being stupid and obvious. At most it is a matinee.... I recommend catching it (if you must) on cable in March most likely) only if you are a vampire filmgoing completist. OTHERWISE STEER CLEAR!

This is all the ink I'll waste on this....