XXX: RETURN OF XANDER CAGE…
It’s been 15 years since Vin Diesel has personified Xander Cage… The second I heard Vin was back, I was on board. When I heard D.J. Caruso was directing, I was enthused… Seriously, I fucking love EAGLE EYE – and if you don’t, you really should reevaluate. Then there’s the business that… Donnie Yen and Tony Jaa are in the movie. DONNIE YEN & TONY JAA are in the movie. DONNIE YEN…. TONY JAA… VIN DIESEL… All the fuck yeahs!
Ok – so let’s think about that first XXX… Remember that avalanche scene? That’s the universe we’re going back into. You know how when Vin Diesel was first in THE FAST & THE FURIOUS, it was an insane muscle car film with hyper-speed feelings? Then Vin went away. Then Vin comes back and it’s about big about FAMILY, TEAM BUILDING and impossible missions?
Well, that’s kinda what is going on here. There’s more to this movie than the trailers we’ve seen – and almost none of it can be taken seriously. If you want logic, physics or reality to creep into XXX: RETURN OF XANDER CAGE… you have entered the wrong theater.
This is a YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D SEE THAT movie. I mean, tonight, I got to see Vin Diesel chasing Donnie Yen down a perfect Wave Tube and… it worked like DOCTOR STRANGE worked. Absurd insane reality, but constantly we’re told throughout the film, that the XXX campaign was based on the concept of skateboarders doing the impossible by the standards of the day. So – we, the audience know we’re about to watch… the fucking impossible.
DONNIE YEN – yes, first. I’m sorry, I love Vin Diesel’s onscreen persona, but… IP MAN would kick the living shit out of Torreto. The IP MAN TRILOGY is like a holy trilogy for me. I watch those and just dissolve into pure happy. Donnie Yen hits like John Bonham played drums. It’s other-worldly. More than that though, the character of IP MAN wasn’t about ego. It was the opposite of Ego. Like the Spock of Martial Artists. Donnie Yen has been a walking god upon Earth for some time in my estimation. But when he played Chirrut Imwe in ROGUE ONE and essentially stole the movie for me. I was hoping against hope that his BAD GUY, from the trailers, wouldn’t be dispatched easily. I was hoping for Mel Gibson vs Jet Li kinds of awesome. The film surprised me. Surprised me in the best kind of ways. Donnie Yen is hitting a new level in his career, right as CHINA takes a larger stage in Hollywood, and it is ideal. I love it. Also, Donnie Yen’s English is fantastic. It’s got a playful swagger that I find fantastic in the film. He had the best lines in ROGUE ONE – and his little FORCE Mantra is something I’ve been using in my own mind as a motivation whilst doing stretches and Yoga. Hey, whatever gets you through it, ya know? There was a point in the film, where I was about to declare FUCK YOU to the movie. Actually, the entire film, I feel, hinges upon a certain moment towards the end. I was terrified the film was making the absolute wrong decision.
Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t Donnie Yen’s movie, it’s just… more of his movie than I was expecting and that’s just fucking fantastic!
VIN DIESEL – XANDER CAGE… Ok, so… Donnie Yen is treated phenomenally well in this film as a character – and I’m ecstatic over some of what he gets to do, while still wishing they’d allowed him a 22 day shoot for a phenomenal action scene like he gets in China. But Vin is a different kind of action hero. He’s a CAPTAIN AMERICA / SUPERMAN… the character that will save who needs to be saved and somehow miraculously survive. When Xander Cage steals cable… it’s the fucking most hardcore stealing of cable ever! Diesel also ups his sexual quotient in this film. He’s becoming a more sexual being and I have to say… the women in our audience… some of them reacted quite positively. It was almost funny. Vin commands a respect in this audience. They reacted very well. This isn’t Dominic Torreto. He isn’t evoking FAMILY exactly, he is embedding a moral code into his group though. He’s also talking about how we all need to be a little gangster to make it on the downside of the economic classes. That message also played well with the audience tonight.
Deepika Padukone’s Serena Unger is terrific. Vin and her share charisma points galore and I’d love to see more of her in Western cinema. We don’t delve deeply into her character here, but she’s handled a bit like Black Widow in this universe. There’s even an AVENGERS reference or three in the film.
Now – the film isn’t a phenomenal film. It’s sillier than perhaps it should have been. It could have been a bit tighter, like Caruso’s EAGLE EYE, but it had its mind focused on outrageous. And that’s fine, we need a degree of variety, but I could tell this landed in my Father’s lesser categories.
But when I see Tony Jaa in a bleached blonde faux hawk – and getting to be the sprigs of parsley decorating my enjoyable, whilst not over-whelmingly satisfying experiences… that’s fine. I did have fun with it. I never checked the time . The action scene with Vin and Donnie in Traffic is in many ways more satisfying than the one in CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR, except it isn’t cuz it isn’t Captain America, Winter Soldier and Black Panther – which have a tie to my immortal soul.
Toni Collette – I’ve loved her since MURIEL’S WEDDING, but here… I kinda could have used a few more scenes with her character separate from the main cast. But then, more Toni Collette is always a desired thing.
I must note that this film has been crafted for the International market and I for one, love that. We need to all feel more international… Though even in this cartoon universe of a movie, Russian bad guys and stereotypes are plenty!
Overall, I’d say the breakout talent of the film would need to be Nina Dobrev as Becky Clearidge – who was smart, horny and adorable as a character that was meant to help the Agents on their missions with equipment and anything they may need. When she meets Xander – the scene made for a very fun audience. Everyone seemed to be falling a little in love with her. She’ll be headlining FLATLINERS later this year.
I do wish this was in 3D – and it is getting released that way, but watching it flat was such a bummer. I could feel the film wanting to break the plane constantly and I wanted to see that. It’s always a shame when a studio doesn’t exhibit these films in the best way possible. When you have James Cameron’s DP and Brian Tyler scoring – put the film in the best house always.
There are things I’d like to say – but they deal with twists and turns that occur in the latter part of the film, but suffice to say, the XXX universe of X-agents is far far far cooler at the end of this movie than the beginning of the movie. There’s a moment that even echoes THE IRON GIANT in this film – and my mind definitely said the line at the right moment. You’ll get it when you see it. Promise.
Ultimately this is a ridiculously ridiculous film that owes friendship hugs to Wile Coyote and possibly WACKY RACERS. It’s playful and fun. Still, I’d prefer not to think about the satellites circling our earth raining terror with strategic accuracy. Really, that would suck if someone could just kill Network satellites cuz they didn’t like what the Network was saying. The film didn’t go there, but our reality made me go there.
So, sure… if you’re a paranoid that likes to phobicize yourself out, there’s fun nightmares to play with here too.
I hope this does well, I think this is a massive step in the right direction after XXX: STATE OF THE UNION. Boy that didn’t work. At least to me.
Keep it cool,
Harry
