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A Sneak Look At Matt & Trey's Filthy New FAMILY FIRST!!

Published at: Dec. 13, 2000, 1:16 a.m. CST by staff

Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

One of the goodies I found waiting for me when I got back to the Moriarty Labs last night was an e-mail from one of my deep, deep, deep cover spies. Lovely girl. I completely rewired her brain in a series of bold and shocking experiments, sending her out into the world to get a great job where, from time to time, fascinating things cross her desk. She doesn't know why she drops these things into a fax machine and dials a number she doesn't consciously remember. She doesn't know why she e-mails me things. She forgets doing it as soon as she does it. It's not her fault. I'm the evil one. And my wrongdoing has netted me a glance at something that's just too funny not to share.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker are guys I've talked about on this page many times. I like their work. More than that, I like their very worldview. They just bring a certain necessary something to the world of comedy and social satire at the moment, something vital and alive, and I love the way they seem to offend without hesitation.

When SOUTH PARK premiered, part of the initial kick was seeing them destroy the very notion of cartoons about kids being FOR kids. Well, it seems that they're set to do the same thing now, but with family sitcoms. This show very well may be about a family -- the First Family, to be specific -- but it's certainly not going to be FOR families. Instead, it promises to be scathing in how it paints the particular quirks and oddities of whoever ends up in the Oval Office come this January.

When I spoke to Matt Stone recently on the set of RUN RONNIE RUN, he said they were still waiting to hear some sort of official word on the outcome of the election, just like the rest of us, before beginning to cast. Looks like they gave up on waiting, though. I mean, the Supreme Court is still handing down rulings as late as this afternoon, but casting began last week on the show, and they're casting as if Bush is the winner. Which he most probably is, no matter what I or anyone else thinks of it.

Before the big treat, let me share with you a breakdown of the show that was sent in by our good friend Bosshog:

The Creators of "South Park" turn the spotlight on the home life of President of the United States and his family in their new sitcom, "Family First." The show will be a live-action off-beat political comedy series starring the soon to be President-elect. Think of George W. Bush or Al Gore as they leave the West Wing and go home to their living room to be with their families after a hard day at the office. The goal is to parody the sitcom genre and the life of the next president.

SEEKING:

[GEORGE W. BUSH] 54 years old. We are not looking for a carbon copy. We need an actor with his basic physique; hair and makeup will do the rest. This character will be the "George at home after a long day at the office." He has his wife Laura to deal with as well as the twins.

[LAURA BUSH] In her mid 40’s, sophisticated, smart and attractive. She is the 1st Lady by day, wife and mom at night. The backbone of the Bush family. She is your "typical TV sitcom Mom."

[BARBARA AND JENNA BUSH] Fraternal twins, 19 years old, one’s blonde, one’s brunette, and just starting college. Sexy and beautiful, their "sisterly" love would raise anyone’s eyebrows.

What's that you say? They're being painted as little sexpots who may or may not be both bisexual and into incest? Don't believe it? Well, take a gander at this, an excerpt from the audition scene:

JENNA ENTERS DRESSED IN A SKIMPY SANTA’S HELPER OUTFIT. SHE’S TRYING IN VAIN TO HOLD UP HER FUZZY TOP.

JENNA

Babs. My top won’t stay up. I need help.

BARBARA

Omigod. That is only like the cutest outfit I’ve ever seen.

JENNA FIXES THE STRAP AND INSPECTS HER WORK.

BARBARA

There. That should do it. Wow. Is that top fur?

JENNA

Uh huh. It’s rabbit. Grampsy killed and skinned it special for me. Feel how soft.

BARBARA LOVINGLY STROKES THE SILKY FUR TOP.

BARBARA

Ooooo. It’s like a bunny. I love bunnies.

BARBARA NESTLES HER FACE INTO THE FUR.

JENNA

This is gonna be the best sorority Christmas cotillion ever. What are you gonna be?

BARBARA

I’m gonna be the Candy Cane queen! Look what I got.

BARBARA PULLS OUT AN ENORMOUS CANDY CANE.

JENNA

Yummers! Can I see it?

BARBARA

(giggles) See with your eyes not your hands.

JENNA TRIES TO GRAB THE CANDY CANE THAT BARBARA HOLDS PROTRUDING FROM HER LAP. JENNA TUGS AND TUGS AND TUGS ON IT.

JENNA

It’s so big. I can hardly get it in my mouth.

BARBARA

Don’t bite it!

PAN OVER TO SEE JOHN, THEIR SECRET SERVICE GUY. A BEAD OF SWEAT IS RUNNING DOWN HIS FOREHEAD. HE STARES STRAIGHT AHEAD. WE HEAR HIS THOUGHTS.

JOHN (V.O.)

Goddamn it, John. Just don’t even look. You hearin’ me, John?

DICK CHENEY ENTERS. DOES A DOUBLE TAKE.

DICK

What in Sam hill…?

BARBARA

We’re getting into the holiday spirit.

JENNA TAKES THE CANDY CANE OUT OF HER MOUTH AND OFFERS IT TO CHENEY.

JENNA

You want a suck, Dick?

DICK’S EYES BULGE. HE GRABS HIS CHEST AND HITS THE GROUND. JENNA AND BARBARA SHRUG.

JENNA

What-ever.

JENNA GOES BACK TO WORK ON THE CANDY CANE.

Uh-huh. I see. I'm sure these guys are going to give us something that pushes the envelope in ways we'd never counted on when this show finally hits the air. I'm impatient to see how their casting comes together, and to learn what their take on the rest of the White House is. Should be fun. Until then...

"Moriarty" out.





Readers Talkback

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  • Dec. 13, 2000, 1:35 a.m. CST

    Stoooopid

    by jedimonkey2

    This show will last a day, don't they already have a sitcom about the president with Delta Burke. Oh well who cares. (PS i think I'm first, I may be wrong but who cares anyway)

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 1:41 a.m. CST

    Holy shit! I have to get cable now.

    by LlGHTST0RMER

    Dammit! I've gone three fucking years without watching any TV, mainly because I just wanted to spend my time doing other things... but it sounds like Matt and Trey have given me yet another reason to break my resolve. FUCK! And I was about to start readin one of those "book" things my parents always told me about. And to JediMonkeySpank... gimme a fucking break, man. You seriously think some DeltaBurke POS sit-com could even compare to something like what Moriarty showed us? Get your head checked, young Jedi. Lightstormer out.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 1:52 a.m. CST

    Iv'e actually never seen that DeltaBurke show

    by jedimonkey2

    This stupid show just reminded me of hearing about it. Parker ans Stone are usually pretty retarded, I'm sure this show will be funny, I'm just not really into shock-value humor. I did however like that South Park episode with the Pokemon, and the Japanese were trying to take over America by brainwashing the kids hee hee

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 1:55 a.m. CST

    God bless Hotline

    by Bob X

    This sounds hysterical. Incest in the Bush Family - you gotta hand it to Trey and Matt. It'll be at least 2 years until they show the first episodes over here in Europe, but at least I'll be able to download them. Hats off to Harry for keeping this unpolitical. Now if only the Supreme Court had done the same... (sorry, couldn't help myself)

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 2:07 a.m. CST

    HELL YES!! This is gonna ROCK!!

    by Psyclops

    I love Matt and Trey! South Park has given me a reason to live... but this... this just makes me wanna cry tears of joy! Oh, what I wouldn't give to see the look on George W. when he views the pilot episode for the first time... FUCKING GREAT!! Or how about Al Gore. He's lost the election... he is ashamed of what has happened to him and being branded a national L-O-S-E-R.... he sits on his couch about to drink himself into a stupor and check out the way Martin Sheen did at the end of 'The Dead Zone'... when suddenly... he accidentally hits the remote and within seconds, is witnessing the televised interpretation of his political adversary! He laughs his ass off, throws away his drink and realizes... "I have a reason to live!"-- This show will help people.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 3:46 a.m. CST

    Lame

    by pulpculture

    At last, as if "Basketball" wasn't enough, we have proof that Parker and Stone are one-hit wonders. Go back to making "South Park" while you can, boys, because this is the lamest idea since "My Mother The Car."

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 4:18 a.m. CST

    Matt and Trey must be porno addicts or something.

    by Wicked Raygun

    I swear this I'll get cancelled so quick. A shame too! The bush twins scene was funny as hell. But I still think that this show will get shit-canned in a heart-beat. Not because of the lack of funny as shit material but because there's gonna be alot of people who are gonna try to kill this show before it comes on the air. Aww well, here's hoping.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 4:33 a.m. CST

    The Presidency

    by Wicked Raygun

    I just have to get this outta ny system. Clinton was nominated 8 years ago because George Sr. did a piss poor job as a President. (Remember "The read my lips,no new taxes" promise, what did that last, like a month?) But now (atleast it seems that way for now), we're voting in his son to just because we don't wanna follow up one of the most charismatic presidents with Gore, a man who's about as charismatic as the flicking light on a VCR that always says 12 because you don't wanna bother setting the time. Am I the only one who sees the irony in all this!?!?!

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 5:51 a.m. CST

    Comedy Central is outta control. . .

    by RenoNevada2000

    And I couldn't be happier! I wasn't sure what else they could do after we saw puppets screwing chiauauas (SPELLING I KNOW) on the premier of TV's Funhouse. Remember nuemonics- "Enemas Loosen Plugged Asses!"

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 6:31 a.m. CST

    love the channey bit.

    by fjp999

    cannot wait for this! comedy central should get the nobel peace prize or something grande like that. #1 candy from strangers #2 south park #3 funhouse tv keep the fingers crossed that this is made.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 7:03 a.m. CST

    If this turns out to be as funny as it seems...

    by Cooler-than-Thou

    I may finally forgive Comedy Central for cancelling 'Upright Citizens Brigade'. The only sketch comedy that was close to being on par with Mr. Show with Bob & David (not as good as, but in it's league).

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 7:27 a.m. CST

    Comedy Central cancelled "Strangers With Candy"

    by geekzapoppin

    Sad but true. I don't give this show much of a chance. i'll go into it with an open mind, but this scene was pretty lame.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 8:45 a.m. CST

    OH MY GOD!

    by Theta

    Damn, if that excerpt is just a sample of the SHOW, what's the show gonna be like? Definitely something on my must-see list!

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 8:53 a.m. CST

    Oh my! Well they are little lesbo sexpots!

    by Junior D-Girl

    Check out National Enquirer they printed risque pics of Babs or maybe it's Jenna anyway she's apparently drunk in a bar acting in a very sexy manner. This is one show I will most definitely be watching and enjoying to no end! Pam Brady e-me!

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Now THIS is the kind of low-rent garbage you expect out of Comed

    by Roguewriter

    How in god's name they ever scored SPORTS NIGHT reruns is just beyond me. Aaron Sorkin must cringe every time he cashes a royalty check. FIRST FAMILY has no future -- it's gonna be rank, lowest-common-denominator comedy with the scantest truly funny moments -- pretty much like everything else on Comedy Central. SOUTH PARK is successful because it does more than just go for the gross-outs and titillation. Everything else produced on the network in its wake has been shitty. Dump this project, Matt and Trey -- how about producing something with a little value? A sexed-up, potty-humor version of BENSON isn't going to do a damn thing but add to the growing avalanche of shit shows clogging this once-cool network's primetime schedule.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 10:40 a.m. CST

    Shut the hell up

    by Pr_Frink

    Hey, Roguewriter! Have you even seen the show yet? My guess is no. So until then, you and all the other naysayers shut the hell up! How can you critique a show after only READING a snippet of one scene? Wait until it actually makes it to the air and then you can be a loser and complain all you want. Idiots.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 10:54 a.m. CST

    First of all...

    by Key_Card

    South Park was funny, Baseketball had its moments, Orgasmo reduced itself to nothing but sex jokes. Not that I mind those but, an entire movie based around it gets annoying. That's why Married With Children sucked in its last years. It's going to be like a Mad TV parody that goes on for half an hour. As for people in Europe comenting on our political system: we don't comment on how your failed attempt at socialism works so keep your mouth shut.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Yeah, whatever you say, Frink...

    by Roguewriter

    I'm not basing it on one snippet of dialogue -- I'm basing it on four months of hearing nothing but endless, predictable, depressing horseshit about yet another bottom-feeding Comedy Central program (following in the footsteps of those Emmy-worthy outings STRIP MALL, THE MAN SHOW and STRANGERS WITH CANDY, to name just a few). I can very happily and safely assure you my assessment of FIRST FAMILY is dead on the money, and shame on Comedy Central for their increasingly lazy and braindead programming standards, given their glorious track record of years past. Nuff said.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 12:07 p.m. CST

    Don't worry.....

    by FloydB

    My guess is that the show won't ever get made... I mean, can you say "liable suit waiting to happen"? I thought you could. The sample that was posted WAS rather funny in a South Park kinda way, but I can't see CC execs giving the go-ahead to a show that is going to so blatantly sling mud at President Bush and his family.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 3 p.m. CST

    As a Canadian...

    by peaches

    I don't really need another excuse to laugh at your whole presidential election brou-ha-ha, but this stuff is frickin' funny! Crude? Yes. Juvenile? Definitely. Funny? Is Lieberman a Jew? Oy.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Four years of mud slinging?!

    by Klam Bake

    I'm in! The funniest part of this show is going to be the fact that as hard as they try, it still wont be as funny as the real thing. These next four years are going to be comedy's next golden era.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 4:56 p.m. CST

    I would love this show, if it actually existed...

    by wash

    ...which I'm betting it won't. WAY TOO MUCH. Roguewriter, please tell me what time machine you are using.

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Maybe.....

    by JHulkH

    I think this is effing hilarious, but I really don't believe this will make it on the air if it's a direct attack on President Bush. BUT, maybe, if they just changed the characters' names, but made them all LOOK like the First Family, then they couldn't be sued and it might make it on air? Dunno, just a thought

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 7:06 p.m. CST

    Umm..I smell a lawsuit

    by 2GOLD

    I can smell it already, Trey and Matt are going to get sued by THE PRESIDENT OF THE USA!! I haven't seen the GW Bush daughters but suddenly I have a need to see them...hmmm

  • Dec. 13, 2000, 8:48 p.m. CST

    not gonna happen

    by Uga

    I love "South Park," "Baseketball" and most of Trey and Matt's other work (could have done without "Orgazmo," but whatever). This is interesting, though, especially since I know the two are fairly conservative politically (from the tune of their more recent shows, I would definitely say they have a libertarian mindset). But this won't happen. First, it's not that funny. But second, remember how much heat "SNL" came under when they made fun of Chelsea Clinton? And that was just because she was ugly. This takes it a step further. But it may just be that it's politically incorrect to make fun of a Democrat but not Republicans.

  • Come on...the types of people that watch TV are not going to get it...Please do more features!!

  • Dear God, if you truly are up there please give us this one show to help us cope with the next four years. Hell, you owe us something after letting Bush win.

  • Dec. 14, 2000, 12:07 a.m. CST

    Is this really for Comedy Central

    by Silverdragons71

    I was wondering Is this show really being made for Comedy Central. I mean They're not owned by CC so isn't it possible that they could option this show to HBO or Showtime???? SD... "The Key To Immortality Is To Live A Life Worth Remebering."

  • Dec. 14, 2000, 12:08 a.m. CST

    Key_Card

    by Bob X

    "As for people in Europe comenting on our political system: we don't comment on how your failed attempt at socialism works so keep your mouth shut." I love this. Yeah, don't we all remember the Time when all of Europe was socialist. I credit myself with knowing a little more about the American political system than backwood hillbillies like you, and I would love to hear your (you in this case is not the ominous "we" you were using [unless you are part of the Borg collective] but merely YOU, Key_Card) comments on Europe. To make things clear - I'm not in any way opposed to the American political process. I think the fact that its built in mechanism to prevent change is in most cases a good thing. Ok, now i can't waste any more time talking to you - I must prepare the second all-European socialist revolution. See you later, comrade... Oh, and before I forget - Orgazmo was ten times funnier than Baseketball.

  • Dec. 14, 2000, 2:37 a.m. CST

    Why?

    by mklempner

    Why do we need a show like this? George W. Bush is deinately a good target for attack - I know that I pesonally tinhe's an idiot. But why do we need to drag his poor daughters into this? They aren't part of the political game thier father is playing. I love South Park - but the idea of a show that is deliberately going out of its way to slander W's kids is just WRONG! I'm sorry. But this is outrageous. It's too bad that most people here would rather have a quick laugh at the expense of making 2 girls live a living hell. They'll carry a stigma like that forever. I'm sorry but it tly sickens me. I'm not for censorship - I don't want the govenment to step in but I think that CC should reconsider this idea. Why? Smply because it's destructive to non-public citizens who have done nothing to deserve this. After all, these kids have to live with an idiot as a father everyday - isn't that punishment enough? Personaly, I'd rather watch the news. I'm sure W will provide pleanty of real laughs... - A Lone Voice of Reason

  • Dec. 14, 2000, 3:29 a.m. CST

    I feel dirty

    by Pseudonym

    I won't lie, that's pretty funny (and makes for an interesting visual), but I gotta join those that have come before me and vehemently speak out against doing that kind of thing to real people. If you want to do a show like this about the first family, fine, but at least have the good taste to not make it about an actual president and his family. It's bad enough to have people saying that you're ugly like they did with Chelsea Clinton, but it would have to be much worse to see actors portraying you engaging in incestual foreplay with your twin sister to get laughs. The first family already has to live under the spotlight enough without giving them the *ugh* "Stripmall" treatment.

  • Dec. 14, 2000, 6:34 a.m. CST

    Bob X

    by Key_Card

    Let me clarify what I said since you obviously misunderstood. First of all I said socialist, not communist, so comrade doesn't apply(so much for you supposed political knowlege). Also I realize not all of Europe is socialist, just the countries that have people posting on this website. I don't give a rats ass about Europe or how the failed socialist attempts of countries like France have brought down their economy. And if you conside an hour and a half of dildo jokes incredibly funny, then I know exactly what crowd you "hang" with.

  • Dec. 14, 2000, 8:05 a.m. CST

    Screw you cowards and humorless trolls

    by Hegemony Cricket

    I have a feeling this show will be pretty damn funny. It's not intended to be a partisan love fest. Hell, neither Parker or Stone even voted. All they want to do is milk the worlds biggest asshole (either Gore or Bush in their minds)for some much needed laughs. Stop pre-judging and let them suck or win based on the show itself. And leave the tired, inane, and completely inapproriate political discussions to other sites. Like I'm going to give any credit to loaded Euro vs. US bullshit here. For God's sake, we don't care what you heard on FoxNews, read in the Nation, or were taught by your Granpappy whilst whittlin' by the still. I'd prefer the seemingly endless "Pi/RfAD sucks" vs. "Aronofski drew blood from a stone" debate to this juvenile piffle.

  • Dec. 14, 2000, 8:42 a.m. CST

    Uga: Chelsea was off limits only while she was underage...

    by Funny Ha Ha

    She's been fair game for some time now. And they've taken a few swipes. Especially since she campaigned for her mom. The twins are adults in the public domain - and therefore it's open season on them for humor short of libel. The beauty is the wackier Trey and Matt make it, the less likely than can be successfully sued.

  • Dec. 14, 2000, 9:26 a.m. CST

    The whole Bush family should be boiled in poisoned oil

    by VB

    I must credit the good doctor for that poisoned oil quote. I wouldn't mind an American version of "Yes, Minister," I guess time will tell if Matt and Trey can provide that (although I have my doubts).

  • Dec. 14, 2000, 1:01 p.m. CST

    they aren't exactly ancient

    by Uga

    The Bush daughters just turned 19 late last month, so I wouldn't exactly call them old.

  • Dec. 14, 2000, 6:35 p.m. CST

    BASEketball...

    by 0007

    Of course Orgazmo is funnier than BASEketball, considering that the latter is not even a Parker/Stone film. It is a David Zucker film, written and directed by such, with only Parker/Stone starring in it. And if you thought Orgazmo was funny, see their first film, Cannibal: The Musical! if you have not. It is ten times funnier than their second film Orgazmo.

  • Hello, i guess i

  • Dec. 16, 2000, 1:27 p.m. CST

    Not funny enough to be offensive

    by not_a_jedi_yet

    South Park makes me laugh. Nothing else these guys do even makes me crack a smile. Mostly I just shake my head in disbelief at their amazing lack of talent or originality. Ohhh, a lesbian scene. That's AUTOMATICALLY funny, I could never write such genius. And the Cheney heart attack--all I can say is WOW! My dad died last year from a heart attack, so I think that's HILARIOUS. This stuff makes me yearn for the days of Laugh-In and the Smothers Brothers. And that's saying something.

  • Dec. 16, 2000, 10:47 p.m. CST

    Matt and Trey are GREAT

    by X-Girls

    Is Pam Brady going to be in this? I saw her in that shopteacher South Park episode and she was so f-ing annoying. What hilarious writers, >double take< 'what in the sam hill?' I can only dream of another South Park movie, do they have plans for a new film?

  • Dec. 17, 2000, 4:07 p.m. CST

    there is a god

    by tommy5tone

    the only reason dubya is in the oval office is so matt & trey can rip him a new ass.

  • Dec. 17, 2000, 7:22 p.m. CST

    Nuxx suxx!!!

    by Key_Card

    Well, you didn't use too many words for my pea sized brain, but you're punctuation sucks(notice the apostrophe in you're) and you capitalized all of the wrong words and didn't capitalize any of the words you should have. As far as you complaining about our 2 party system and that it is one above China; it's also one above socialist countries. Saying you have 1 group that's at one side of socialism and 1 that is at the other side is like saying you have 1% milk and 2% milk. It's (notice the apostrophe again) still milk. The reason America has 2 dominant parties is because despite what the shitheads it the popular media like to say and think, that's (apostrophe again) the way most people over here think. Now I can already hear your socialist propaganda saying that is because we are all brainwashed and stupid well, I just don't know what to tell you. Now go watch Inherit the Will again even though you probably think it is more a public service statement than a propaganda film.

  • Dec. 26, 2000, 11:39 a.m. CST

    What about the actresses?

    by up4it2000

    I know someone who tried out for one of the twins. She was concerned about hurting the girls' feelings. What would YOU do if you were an actress up for a big role like that? P.S> My personal feeling is that sop many peploe had such strong feelings about the matter as a whole, the vote count, etc., it's kind of like doing a parody on OJ Simpson. No,m he wasn't PROVEN guilty, but just in case he really was, do a little laughing at his expense. If my friend booked this (I don't think she did ewell on it, though), Maybe she could write the daughters and let them know it's all in fun, that it's based on images people have of "The Presidency", and not on reality. Based on what people's fantasies are (not the lesbian thing, of course! LOL), but their ideas of what would be very funny in a very serious household. That's all.

  • Dec. 30, 2000, 8:01 p.m. CST

    bring it on!

    by Princess001

    Actually, Key Card, I think it's Inherit the Wind (not will) but then I can't expect fans of dubya to know anything about literature or much of anything else for that matter. Anyway...unfortunately I don't think this show will make it. And that's a damn shame, too because Matt and Trey are comic geniuses and I'd like to see them make fun of the bush dynasty. We at least deserve that much, since we have to live with w as our thief (oops, I mean chief) of state for 4 years. True, the girls probably don't deserve to be dragged into this political fray, but then I didn't see the rep's complaining about how Chelsea was treated. It's your turn.

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