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John Robie scores some SNATCH and tells us about it!

Hey folks, Harry here to introduce John Robie's look at SNATCH, the film by Guy Ritchie... director of LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELLS.. I believe this film is coming out at some point in the first quarter of next year from SONY... and when it does, damn if you ain't gonna be smiling like a charmed bastard when you walk out of the theater. I'm holding writing my review till I see it a second time cause I missed a great deal of the film the first time because of Moriarty and Robie laughing and exclaiming things at the top of their lungs. They're a pair of rude cine-goers... talking and laughing constantly. Of course... well, I can't say... people might jump to conclusions about their... relationship and habits. And that's their private business. Well here's Robie to try so hard to hang to his own pathetic beliefs. Actually, when he isn't exclaiming the genius of LUCKY NUMBERS or the mediocrity of THE TALENTED MR RIPLEY... John Robie comes across as being quite the astute filmgoer... hey... we are all flawed in each others' eyes... hell, I liked BLAIR WITCH 2... wtf do I know... right? hehehehe... Here's Robie and his first look at SNATCH!!!!

I’ll keep this quick. The workers just arrived with the special toilet and I’ve got three co-eds here just dying to use it. It’s gonna be great! It’s got this little button you can push that makes this motorized, I dunno, flexible thing comes out that wiggles and…


Anyway, when the Ramones first started back in ’74 club owners complained that the band was only playing 45 minutes instead of the hour set agreed upon. The Ramones mumbled back that they were playing an hour’s worth of music in 45 minutes. Or maybe it was the Talking Heads that said that about the Ramones…anyway, that’s what Snatch feels like. Tons of tale, fast and well told and nary an ounce of fat in the entire thing. Eighty million characters, most all distinct and intriguing and balls out funny, twenty different story lines that manage to somehow come together and it’s all cut together like the film itself is on meth and there’s a whole lot of real loud, real electronic boom boom music behind it. So it’s basically garbage, right? It’s just pop, and we can always write off pop because pop is nothing.

Well, no.

No because you never write anything off, not unless it’s got the words "Troop" or "Beverly" or "Hills" or "Cop" or "III" in any sort of order in the title or it’s got "with special guest appearance by Crystal Gale" on the album sleeve. I realize the Crystal Gale thing is particular and that no one knows who she is. A lot of you have probably clicked past her on TNN on a late, lonely Saturday night. She’s the one with the miles long, black hair on that big geriatric country bear jamboree show. Anyway, don’t ask about the Crystal Gale thing because you’re not a therapist and I’m not well. So no, you don’t write anything off, and the snobs who’d write Snatch off because it’s just this big, loud, fast and fun monster, well…they suck, don’t they? Not gonna let us have any fun, are they? Nope, they’re not.

The story is about a guy named Turkish that gets in trouble with a dinged up Edsel of a man named Brick Top and a big diamond that goes missing and everyone’s looking for the diamond and everyone, EVERYONE, has a quirky nickname. It’s all very, very fast and a lot of it is very, very funny and it’s certainly the kind of thing that’s very, very off putting to some people and I’m definitely not one of those people. You got about six near-iconic characters here, one definitely iconic character (I’ll leave it to you to discover him), everyone gives a damn fine performance and the next schmo that says that Brad Pitt – who’s very good in the movie as a guy that’s very hard to understand – is nothing more than a pretty boy will be beat. Brad Pitt is not a pretty boy. I’m a pretty boy.

So many people shoot like this and edit like this simply for the sake of shooting like this and editing like this. It’s just cut, cut, cut because hey, those kids that watch the TV don’t have any attention span and we’ve got to keep their attention and what was I talking about? Ritchie’s first movie – Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels – could be accused of that kind of style over substance cacking. What you get with Snatch, though, is a sense that this is the way the story had to be told. It has to be quick, it has to just hit like lightning bolts. Zap zap zap and before you know it you’ve just been introduced to eight different characters and you know exactly what each of them wants and damn, you’re interested. That’s the kind of thing I applaud. That and vaginas, and vaginas can’t make movies. At least not very good ones.

Snatch is a great film. It might resemble the junk we see on television, but it certainly isn’t that junk. It’s kinetic for a reason. The reason is to tell a big, sweeping story with big, sweeping characters and to tell it with so much energy that the film threatens to jump out of the projector and spools itself right in front of your face. If this had been done any other way, it would have been done wrong.

I’ve annoyed you and now I’m going away. But really, it’s a damn fine film.

…though I could be totally wrong. After all, I’m the one asshole in the country that actually kinda liked Lucky Numbers. Please don’t tell anyone that. Think of my family. And think of the three co-eds in my bathroom.

John Robie

Readers Talkback
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  • Nov. 21, 2000, 5:56 a.m. CST

    Cant wait for this one!

    by GravyAkira

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 5:58 a.m. CST

    Snatch sucks, I'm sorry but it does suck

    by Ashen Shugar

    I saw it last sunday, and was really disappointed. You have to be drunk or be a really good public to laugh. It's just gross, sometimes you'll grin alittle, but it is really disappointing. It does not deserve all the hype preceding it. Some of its effects are actually so stupid and badly done you feel ashamed to be watching this movie with friends and to have told them it would be a fuckin' good movie. Only Dennis Farina delivers a great job and, I really love him saying " Something to declare? Don't go to england". That's all, stay away from Snatch and save your money for the Yards!

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 6:07 a.m. CST

    SNATCH is tiresome and repetitive ...

    by Tingting

    ... but it's definitely a good laugh, worth seeing for the tormented look in Brad Pitt's eyes alone. A flawed masterpiece it may be, but it's entertaining as hell.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 6:09 a.m. CST

    Jaysus, you STILL have not seen this one?

    by Spud

    I saw this in Ireland many times, months ago in Irish cinemas. Damn fine it is too. It's right up there with O Brother, Where Art Thou... What? Have not seen that yet either? Poor saps...

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 6:21 a.m. CST

    Hehe, no US people haven't seen it yet :p

    by EmperorCaligula

    Neither O'Brother, neither Crouching Tiger :) I have to assume it's a payback for having Matrix and Star Wars movies months before us poor Europeans. At least, LOTR will be released at the same time +/-10 days.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 6:33 a.m. CST

    by rizla

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 6:47 a.m. CST

    I'll be glad when this one disappears...

    by George McFly

    ...not for the movie itself (which I have zero desire to see) but for the constant puns on the title that have gotten very, very old. Harry, it was funny for a while, but jeez, I feel like I'm reading Entertainment Weekly with the constant bombardment of SNATCH puns. Hopefully, a year from now, we'll all forget about this film and just move on...McFly<--

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 6:49 a.m. CST

    If you liked Lock, Stock....

    by Glengarry

    ....You'll love this. Great film, Very funny and well plotted with some cool twists and turns. GG

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 6:56 a.m. CST

    facking pikie's!

    by Mad Dog

    It is a class film and although it is treading the same ground as Lock Stock I actually prefered it and kudos to Pitt with an excellant character. Damn cool flick worth anyones time. Can't remember much of the story as I saw it SO LONG AGO! MWHAAHAHAHAH.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 6:56 a.m. CST

    rough diamond

    by rizla

    Snatch is (if I can remember so far back, heh heh) a film that moves so fast you almost can't see the cracks...operative word being ALMOST. They sure are there, but Pitt and Vinnie Jones kept me watching. But Turkish is just the lamest lead character since, well, forever. Didn't care what happened to him at all. Yes, Lock stock was genius because no-one was expecting it to be any good, but this one had way too much hype to live up to. Definitely a Jackie Brown to Lock Stock's Pulp Fiction. Go see Memento dammit!!

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 6:57 a.m. CST

    I hate to say it, but it's damned entertaining

    by Marty McSuperfly

    And I didn't like Lock Stock! As long as you can accept the fact that this is remake of Lock Stock (albeit better than LOck Stock) you'll enjoy it. It's what Desperado is to El Mariachi (although in that case, the original was better). Did that make any sense? I hope so. Oh, and George McFly: See you later, daddio.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 7:06 a.m. CST


    by Pupkin

    I've seen it twice now (UK) and it is a far more accessible movie than Lock Stock. The characters are more interesting and diverse, and it blends Scorsese's technical style very effectively with a P.T. Anderson/Tarantino type ensemble cast and narrative approach. It may not have the weight or character/plot development of any of these people, but they are the amongst the best filmmakers in the world today, Snatch does very well by coming so close, and not pretending to be anymore. ITS ONLY THE GUYS 2nd FILM!

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 7:59 a.m. CST

    You gotta have soul - this doesnt.

    by FieldmanNo.1

    Its sometimes funny slickly cut and technically impressive but I have felt more moved by Swatch commercials. The problem with Guy Ritchie is that all his characters are ciphers and caricatures and a desperate wank-fantasy of what a privately educated over-privileged toff thinks criminals are like. I think comedy or crime movies (or any movie) have to have something which makes you care and connect. Snatch doesnt - its a two hour commercial that leaves you utterly unchallenged. The use of gratuitous violence is perhaps the only effort to move the audience - trust me the average intelligent AICNer will be left cold. Baywatch has more soul.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 9:28 a.m. CST

    I've seen and..IT FUCKING RULES!!!!

    by NKG

    even here in Greece Snatch has been released...and trust me ..its utterly great!!! and yes it is pretty much tha same as lock stock but who the fuck cares!!! Boris The Bullet Dodger.... P.S. check out Brad Pitt....

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 11:13 a.m. CST

    SNATCH kicks hollywood arse!!

    by sal120

    Snatch is probably one of the best movies of 2000...just like lock stock was of 99. Guy Richtie has managed to out-tarintino Tarintino. Unless Tarintino does something good pretty fast, Guy will soon be considered the new ubhercool. I really dont know why people are slagging off this movie. It has a whole lot more soul, excitement and laughs, and although it does have weak lead characters and is a rehash of lock stock, it still contains enough new material that makes it better than 75% of the bullshit produced in Hollywood. The last six movies I

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Hmm. So-so.

    by ShaolinMaster

    Count yourselves lucky, USA. You have not been bombarded with ream after ream of hideously inferior Lock Stock "inspired" (read: ripped off) shite gangster movies like us poor Brits (Circus, Rancid Aluminium, anyone?). Until now, that is, as Ritchie seem all out intent on proving beyond doubt that he only ever had one movie in him, and will continue to recycle that film until someone mercifully shoots him in the head. Everthing in Lock Stock is here, only changed just ever so slightly to try to fool us into believing that he has made a different film. Lazy, uninspired and nowhere near as funny as Lock Stock. Pitt's quite good though.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 12:05 p.m. CST

    UK ratings/snizatch

    by jerebo2

    I saw Snatch twice while in Scotland this summer (doing the typical Yank traveling thru Europe trip). It was a fun flick and I can't wait to see it in L.A. with my friends. It's not exactly an original film (nor was Lock Stock), but it's got tons of energy, great acting, cool tunes, and it moves. And as complex as the plots get, you can still figure it all out. Not an easy feat. Another note. The UK has the best ratings system. Snatch was rated "18" meaning nobody under that age can see it, even with a parent. I can't tell you how many times I've seen R-rated films where dumb-ass parents bring their 5 year olds, because they're too incompetent to get a babysitter. I wish we would follow their lead. Billy Elliot is "15" which is what our PG-13 should be. Ah, but I live in a land where the "Rock DJ" video is shown with all the gory parts. Cheers.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 12:50 p.m. CST


    by BonScott

    How'd anybody see it in the summer when the premiere was the end of September, which is what my Toohey's addled mind is telling me. Compared to me, Vinnie Jones is a poofter. Ride On!!

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 2:26 p.m. CST

    You get what you expect

    by Fluff

    I saw it in August in the UK... general release... heck, it's even out in NZ already this month. For anyone who liked Lock Stock.... go see it... the story's a bit more pulp fiction in it's narrative, but I think that the overall roduction is slicker.... there's even more dialogue crammed into the ceasless film length, and whilst some of the gags are missed in the melee, I personally think that the humour is more prevalent, and even darker than Lock Stock. I don't think it's a total remake of the first movie, but when you have this many ideas centred around a part of the country / accent / chariacature type... why not chuck them out in another movie........................................................................ 'course, if you didn't like Lock Stock, then just don't bother at all.... except check your pulse and make sure your not dead too

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 2:41 p.m. CST

    you guys already saw snatch? cool.

    by HeywoodFloyd

    look at all the brits line up to brag about how priveleged they are to have seen this flick when few in the states have had the chance yet. congrats, mates. ritchie wouldn't even exist without tarantino, and he wouldn't exist without a whole bunch of directors before him, so don't sprain your shoulders patting yourselves on the back just because you've finally got a director under the age of 50 whose name people recognize and who hasn't moved to LA yet. give us a call next time you guys get invaded, but until then, keep the rest of the ritchie inspired festival of mediocrity (gangster no. 1, rancid aluminum, etc.) that is currently flooding your theaters to yourselves. i'm sorry, that was harsh, here you go--sight and sound is a great magazine, and i liked ratcatcher a lot. cheers.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 3:02 p.m. CST

    This Review.

    by DropKickMurphy

    I have a nasty head cold right now and maybe it's the fact that i'm completely loaded on decongestants and cold remedies so i have that "haze" but this was the greatest thing i have ever read in my entire life...everything from beating down Brad Pitt haters to applauding Vaginas, Robie deserves the pulitzer prize for this column. of course the remedies that are fighting this cold and intoxicating my system may wear off and i'll read this again and be like "what the fuck" but until that moment arises, i'm going to applaud this review, and of course, vaginas. By the way a vagina did make a movie, it was "BATMAN AND ROBIN" aw what the fuck did that mean, Dropkick and his pathetic attempt at humor are splittin like firewood.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Please believe me it's bad!!!!!!!!!!!

    by BLOBMAN

    I saw snacth a couple of months ago and am fed up of listening to people say how amazing it is. It got slated here in Britain mainly because Eastend gangster flicks are not cool, escpecially when they don't even do anything gangster like. The dialog is appaling, we get past Pitt's ridiculous groaning by excusing him cause he's "Irish", and NO ONE speaks Cockney in Britain (approx 0.000000000001%). It is not a work of genius Ritchie tries Tarrantino style dialog and fails miserably.....and frankly if I should be thrilled by something it's not going to be while watching some ex-footballer (sorry soccer player), struggle to act or even walk properly.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 9:24 p.m. CST

    only playing in europe?

    by FPWorm

    If you wanna see it, why not just download stupid thing?

  • Nov. 22, 2000, 12:56 a.m. CST

    ive seen it too- AND YES IT DOES KICK ASS!!

    by quamb

    Heyas. Yeah Ive seen Snatch, and it is a damn funny film. PItt has a funny ass character, man... and the robbery scene.. ahahahaha!!!! > Yeah, whoever says it sucks is just a retard. I can see how you may 'not like' this film, but it doesnt suck, thats bullocks.. hehehe. Its very good, go see it when ya get the chance.

  • Nov. 22, 2000, 2:53 a.m. CST

    worst film of 2000. period.

    by dcnation

    snatch is terrible. don't bother with it. lock stock was great - but this is a complete failure. UK got a semi-alright TV series for Lock stock, which Snatch bears more resemblence to. Unfortunately, the whole movie is deja vu. There isn't one bone of originality in it. The soundtrack is obvious - massive attack at every possible moment. Go seek the video for something like Air Bud 2. Anything is better than this poor excuse of a film. Believe me, the fact Snatch hasn't opened in the US yet is a bonus.

  • Nov. 22, 2000, 7:46 p.m. CST

    "out of chronological order" ?

    by Pupkin

    Mali Ocean may find that "Non-linear narrative" was used atleast as long ago as Kubricks underrated 'The Killing' in 1955. So Tarantino didn't invent it either.

  • Nov. 22, 2000, 9:10 p.m. CST


    by Di

    Mali Ocean might find a lot of things if he weren't such a goddamn moron.

  • Nov. 23, 2000, 10:41 p.m. CST

    The only man on Earth who hasn't seen "Snatch"

    by Keyser195

    First, to all the people comparing Tarantino and Ritchie - they aren't that similar! Really...they're both young, they both make movies about criminals, sometimes drugs are involved...and that's about it! So shut the hell up! They're nothing alike! Second, to all the Brit-bashers, shut the hell up! I'm not British, but insulting their film community is about as blindsighted as you can get...So many countless wonderful films have come out of England as to entirely eradicate your point. Third, when are we Americans going to see "Snatch" already? I'm sick of waiting... And, like that, I'm gone...

  • Dec. 22, 2000, 11:46 a.m. CST

    The only man on Earth who hasn't seen "Snatch"

    by CuRLyBriT

    Have to agree with Keyser thanks mate!