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A not so pleased look at DUNGEONS & DRAGONS

Hey folks, Harry here... And while this review may tear DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS apart... I tell you what. Friday, December 8th, 2000.... I'm starting off my day picking up Cartuna at the airport... checking him in a hotel... taking him to lunch and then he can choose to either go to his hotel and rest.... or go with me and a gang of filmgoers to see... DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS. This movie is going to be goofy and dumb... the dialogue will be delivered with cutlets from a deli.... and the effects will be... not what they should be... BUT I KNOW THAT NOW. I haven't played DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS since I was about 11, and what I remember about doing that was sitting around... getting really into it... and laughing our asses off. It was a great time. Now, there might be some that take DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS serious... and that is fine... you should probably avoid this film. If the line delivery in the trailer didn't let you know what you were in for... then, so be it. But I'm seeing this, followed by a really fun Hong Kong film that night at the Drafthouse... then it's 10 hours sleep before BUTT-NUMB-A-THON begins.... I mean, I'm there to see TOM BAKER as the Elf king.... Jeremy Irons overact like a madman.... and tons of funky cg dragons all over the place.... and that Beyonder fella.... Dear god, I've wanted to see one of those since I was a kid. And I'll probably come home that night and watch that great episode of the ol DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS saturday morning cartoon called THE HALL OF BONES... Now a feature adaptation of that would rule planet Earth. Anyways... here's Mumbles.... bigboydidit.... O'Malley with your look at D-n-D....

Harry,

Here's that DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS review.

I'll start this by saying that I've never played DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS, and know nothing about it. So maybe the die-hard fan would have a different reaction to this thing, but here's my take.

From the title, you'd assume that there would be some dungeons and dragons in this movie, but so much for titles. I can only remember one dungeon, and the dragons are few and far between (by far, I mean about an hour and a half).

The plot centers around two petty crooks (played by Marlon Wayans and Jimmy Olson) who are trying to get some sort of stick with a glowing rock on it before the evil Jeremy Irons and his group of thugs do. But who cares about the plot? The filmmakers obviously don't, but that's OK. Some of the best films ever made were devoid of plot. Not that this is one of them, but still...

I hadn't seen any trailers for this thing, so I really didn't know what to expect going into it. Then the movie starts with Jeremy Irons giving one of the most over-the-top performances ever in the history of mankind, followed quickly by the introduction of his big, tough, right-hand man (who looked menacing, aside from his silver lipstick), and then the revelation of the film's first dragon (who just kinda stands there). The dragon was computer generated, and about on par with the special effects found on XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS. It was at this point that I thought, "OK. It's THAT kind of movie." You know, something in the same vein as WING COMMANDER.

When I had heard that Courtney Solomon, the director of this fairly big genre film was a first-timer who had never really worked in the film industry before, I thought, "That's cool. I've never seen that done before." Now I know why. It's too much for him to handle. He can't tell a good story, he has no sort of visual style, he can't cut for shit, and he is absolutely TERRIBLE with actors.

You would think a film with Jeremy Irons, Thora Birch, and Marlon Wayans would have, if nothing else, some decent performances. Sorry to dissapoint you, but that's not the case. Wayans plays the live-action equivalent of Jar-Jar Binks, only more annoying. Irons and Birch are in the film for all of ten seconds, but they both suck too. The only difference in their performances is that Irons knows he sucks, and Birch couldn't care less that she sucks. I will say, though, that Zoe McLellan, who plays the mage, was good. I've never seen her before, but she'll go on to do something good. You heard it here first.

So now that I've totally ripped this movie to shreds, let me say that I might VERY hesitantly reccomend it. Yeah, it's cheesy as hell, but it knows that it's cheesy, and doesn't try to hide from its cheesiness. When it comes right down to it, you could do a hell of a lot worse. What can I say? If nothing else, you'll laugh a whole bunch.

One final thought: If you're gonna rip off a movie like RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, don't do it shot-for-shot. People will notice.

Mumbles O'Malley

Readers Talkback
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  • Nov. 20, 2000, 3:49 a.m. CST

    man this bites

    by straybullets

    This is what you really pisses me off about the whole internet thing. Do I now trust the opinion of someone I don't know and let it ruin my hopes of what I really thought had a chance of being an exciting movie...yeah, probably. What sucks most is the fact that I had heard pretty good advance word about it, that the plot was good, and how hard the creators fought to get it made cause they really cared about the source material. And I even heard that the battle scenes were going to be HUGE! AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!! Why does everyone let me down. GAAAWD Raimi,now if you let me down i will have to kill you...

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 4:08 a.m. CST

    Wow.. Harry. You have an episode of D&D Cartoon?

    by Mad Dog

    Did you tape that when it was on or can you buy the series in the states? I'd really like to get me one of them. Yea, this ain't looking to thrilling as a piece of art but I'll probably go see it. Ofcourse if the LOTR's trailers attached then me is definately there.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 4:35 a.m. CST

    Burn Solomon, Burn.

    by Nocturnaloner

    The trailer for this piece of shit told me everything I needed to know. There is NO redemption for a script like that. None.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 4:45 a.m. CST

    Lucas with no budget

    by dr.cornelius

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 4:47 a.m. CST

    D&D as a movie

    by Keyser195

    I can't even believe they're making a movie out of this game. It's going to alienate fans of the game, who are known for being ultra-exacting about the rules and premise of the game (think of Comic Book Guy on "The Simpsons"...Worst episode ever!). And those of us that don't know the game won't care about this poorly-designed, thrown-together hack job with a silly RPG game as source material. Sometimes, I wonder who greenlights this nonsense. And, like that, I'm gone...

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 4:52 a.m. CST

    But hey, it's D&D!!!

    by StanTheMan

    Fellas, it's D&D. We all - well, at least most of us - played it, and thus we are aware of all those negative aspects. Of course it's unrealistic, and the plot will be as bad as if normal players would try to stick to their characters. But I'm looking forward to it very much, since I share very, very fond memories on our D&D-sessions. Now, an adventure episode was made into a movie, and I am not sure if I will like it as a movie. But I am sure I'll love the atmosphere around it, in it and all the way through it. And by the way: All the effects in the movie are at least as good as your imagination from times long gone allow them to be! D&D was for thinkers, not for consumers. So, I won't be disappointed in advance. I'll have a shot at it and see for myself. Enjoy! - Stan

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 5:08 a.m. CST

    George Lucas with no budget

    by dr.cornelius

    I saw D&D last week and agree on every point. Scarcely a frame of this film has not been shot on a much higher budget under the Lucasfilm banner. As one who never got into the game, the significance of Beyonders and such didn't jazz me, but I suspected that this would impress the real fans. The effects were adequate and spiced the film rather than giving it purpose. Poor Thora Birch looks like she's translating from foreign language cue cards and Jeremy Irons must be auditioning for Ming the Merciless. Not a disaster by any means, just loopy fun.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 5:12 a.m. CST

    Maybe I'm just old fashioned...

    by human2

    ...but in my day grown men didn't wear blue lipstick. And what's with Irons in that trailer? Why's he lisping and gnashing his teeth? Maybe he's trying to spit out pieces of chewed scenery.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 5:16 a.m. CST

    Who knew a movie about dice-rolling could be so anticipated?

    by Phreeform

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 5:30 a.m. CST

    Hell, I'm going anyway....

    by Darkwing Duck

    If the movie is great, I'll be happy. If it sucks, then me and my friends will MST the sucker with all the D&D jokes we've stored up over the past 15 years...

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 5:33 a.m. CST

    "Dungeons and Dragons... Satan's game... As they play, your chi

    by Hero For Hire

    http://www.deadalewives.com

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 6:29 a.m. CST

    The game vs. the movie, among other things

    by The Gline

    The first problem: The D&D universe has a TON of source material to go with it. The Dark Elf trilogies, the Dragonlance books, etc., etc. Not one of those properties was ultimately used to make a movie. I know the Dragonlace stuff was optioned at one point, but the option expired without anything being done with it. I'm not surprised -- to someone who doesn't really know what's going on, the whole thing can be pretty intimidating. Hence, I guess, this film -- which AT BEST could be called an I.N.O. (in-name only) version. The only thing connecting it to the original material is the name; there's not a thing else. I had a chance to read the script shortly after production wrapped and was appalled at how awful it was. There's a reason people like Solomon usually don't get to run the shooting match the first time out -- it's because half the time they have no clue how to put something of this scope together. It was plain from the script that he didn't know how to tell much of a story, either -- it was trite, forgettable, cliched, loaded with really awful groaners of one-liners, and trying waaaay too hard to be "hip" and "youth oriented." In short: a mess. I'm just cynical enough to believe that this is going to set fantasy movies back yet another step. So far almost no one has done for fantasy filmmaking what has been done for SF -- give it real gravity and purpose instead of just making it cheap and nasty.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 7:07 a.m. CST

    Oh, my gawd this SUX?!

    by Sith Lord Jesus

    I'm so VERY disappointed; I was hoping for an Oscar contender! Seriously, though, I caught the trailer for this thing just this past Saturday when I went to see THE GRINCH and it was exactly what I expected. I like XENA so I know I'll probably like this thing in the same cheeseball way. What the hell, I'm there, it'll be a good way to burn a couple of hours while wetting my appitite for LOTR.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 7:24 a.m. CST

    Just wondering...

    by kid_ego

    If, before they start fighting, do they role initiative?

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 8:25 a.m. CST

    Beholders!

    by kadath

    What is all this talk of "beyonders"? Are they making a movie of Marvel's Secret Wars series? Don't you guys mean "beholders" (the big eyes with eyes on stalks).

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 8:28 a.m. CST

    D&D Cartoon

    by Stefka

    Man, that show rocked! It was on TV again a while ago. It will be interesting to see if the movie is like the cartoon at all.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 8:35 a.m. CST

    Now, what I wanna know is...

    by Poke Alex

    ... did they put Uni in the movie?

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Trailer was really cheesy

    by EmperorCaligula

    Before I saw it I thought the movie could be decent, but the CGI is so cheesy. With such reviews I'm not sure at all I'll spend any $ to go watch it. Oh and it was Beholders. One was spotted in the trailer, in fact. Well, looks like we'll have to wait for LOTR to have a really good fantasy movie.

  • Why am I looking forward to seeing this movie? I saw the trailer, I should have been repulsed, but, oddly, I find myself inexplicably attracted to this film, which is not unlike what happened when I first set eyes upon the MCHALES NAVY preview (leading to a dark period in my life that I no longer discuss.) I guess I'll be there on December 8th. How strange.....

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 9:14 a.m. CST

    What a classic.

    by LSHB

    Give the film to a bunch of morons to make, and then when it fails, use that failure as the explanation for why you gave it to a bunch of morons. Millions of geeks and ex-geeks (yes, it's possible) would have happily paid for a solid director and solid special effects.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 9:19 a.m. CST

    They should've filmed Trial by Existence

    by Pippin's Diamond

    Except for the highly disturbing "sex with Venger" parts, that story is awesome and would've made a great ending note for the cartoon (IMHO even better than the final never-produced episode). I don't know the eps. by name, so could someone please tell me what's The Hall of Bones about? BTW, The Lord of the Rings trailer is coming out with "13 Days" this Dec. 20. The trailer for this D&D movie is all I needed to see to know that this was gonna be an awful, awful mess. Dungeon Master would be spinning in his grave. For Shame.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 9:34 a.m. CST

    NO ORCS??? NO TROLLS??? ... Hold on a sec!

    by Dash101

    Ok ok ok.. Time out! Just a second. Being a somewhat fan of the game but not hardcore, I can live with them not using the expansion rules. But the minute you TAKE OUT the ORCS, its all downhill from there!!! That is completely unacceptable! D&D CAN NOT BE JUST ABOUT WHAT IN THE TITLE... I will see this film. And I will probably laugh my ass off. But they say Laughter is the best medicine so what the hell... dash101 out.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 9:46 a.m. CST

    Movie, of course

    by Laimbrane

    I seriously doubt that Mumbles has actually seen this film. He tells us very little of what wasn't in the trailer, and what he does say is wrong. First of all, the movie is about the dragons. They don't appear much until late in the film, but it does end with an 11 minute battle sequence between two armies of hundreds of them. Secondly, Thora Birch and Jeremy Irons are very much a large part of the film, unlike what Mumbles says. If you saw the trailer, of course, you would say that Irons overacts. However, Irons' character goes insane for a reason I won't divulge here. His acting at the end is appropriately over the top. Through most of the movie, though, Profion (the name of the Irons character) is a subtly evil mage and very outwardly normal. Thirdly, Mumbles never mentions and character's names. Isn't this commonplace in reviews you have seen? He mentions all of the characters by the names of the actors. I think that's kinda suspicious. (And boneheaded, too, since you only have to go to IMDB to find that stuff out). So I don't think Mumbles has seen the movie. If he has, then he's just a bad reviewer. Remember, people, these reveiws are advance notices and there is no way to check on their authenticity. Apparently advance word from mainstream critics has been positive. I know it's easy to rush to judge, but wait until the movie actually comes out and actually listen to reviews of people you know have seen the film.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Orcs

    by Laimbrane

    Oh, and by the way, there are orcs in this movie. Anyone that's seen the trailer will know that. They just aren't featured for plot reasons.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 9:57 a.m. CST

    test

    by DoorFrame

    t

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 9:59 a.m. CST

    a REAL D&D movie (dice rolling and all)

    by DoorFrame

    If you want a real D&D movie, one with nerds actually sitting around a table rolling dice, then you want to see a short film over at ifilm.com called "Summoner Geeks." It's hilarious. http://www.ifilm.com/ifilm/skeletons/film_detail/0,1263,220487,00.html

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Hey, Harry - where can we see D&D in Austin?

    by John Maddening

    We're flying in for the BTaT, and this is probably the movie we'll want to see on Friday night? We're staying in the Austin Motel, can we get anywhere from there easily?

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 10:41 a.m. CST

    Harry "This movie is going to totally suck in every possible way

    by Batutta

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Torment

    by Elliot_Kane

    Harry's_Goiter - If you have not seen Planescape:Torment yet, I thoroughly recommend it to you. In my opinion it is a much better game than Baldur's Gate 2. The characters are more interesting and seem more real, to me.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Make it STOP

    by LeeScoresby

    Raise your hand if you've seen this movie. No? Didn't think so. When Owen Gleiberman reviews a movie do you BLINDLY follow his opinion and start crapping all over the film? I wouldn't. I'd go SEE the movie and then make my judgements. At least Glieberman is a published reviewer. This guy could be a retarded kid in Biloxi writing on the screen with his own feces and you wouldn't know. Stop being such fragile lemming creatures and wait until you have seen the film before the bashing begins.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 11:50 a.m. CST

    What is Dungeons and Dragons all about?

    by Violet

    When I was a little, the boys down the street use to always play it. My mother said it was a really evil game and barred me from ever playing it. What is it all about? Is it a board game or do you actually go into the forest with fake wooden swords and pretend to fight? I am so curious!

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 11:51 a.m. CST

    This is one review. I saw one which loved the movie

    by Dragonfire

    This guy could be an absolute no-imagination type of person who hates star wars for all we know. I saw a review by a guy who's never played D&D which loved the movie. By the way, the movie is not about rolling dice and anyone who thinks D&D is about rolling dice has no fucking idea. And also the D&D trailer hardly showed any of the dialogue, so you cant judge the dialogue by the trailer, and there were a few shots in the trailer where the effects wern't complete. Maybe Jeremy Irons is not overacting, maybe his character IS a complete psycho, and no one can possibly more irritating than Jar Jar binks

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Summoner film rocked

    by Airchinapilot

    Tears were streaming from my eyes as I was watching that IFilm film. It was like every time I played D&D with a bunch of hosers. "Everytime you play D&D, the loss of your virginity is delayed by 7 hours." -Marilyn Manson

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 12:30 p.m. CST

    maddmaxxking

    by mrbeaks

    Go see REQUIEM FOR A DREAM before you start critiquing Marlon Wayans performing skills. He's the goods.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Don't despare people, the review is flawed, there is noway Marlo

    by Darth Ranik

    Come on! There is now way in hell that there is a character in this movie that is as stupid and nail across a chalkboard annoying like Jar Jar Binks. So keeping in mind the reviewers skew on that part of the movie, you can assume that his take on the rest of it is slightly off also. Yes, Irons overacts, but I bet he doesn't overact as bad as say...Eric Roberts! And the CG is better than a Xena episode for gods sake. Granted it aint the best CG I've ever seen and some shots look better than others, like the city scape and some of the long perspective battle shots, on the trailer. I think that it looks good for a 30 million dollar movie, which I believe is what I heard this thing cost, which is a drop in the bucket for a sfx piece. So don't despare, it will be entertaining.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Always amazes me...

    by roamer1

    It always amazes me how critics in general can rip apart a movie after seeing a two minute trailer. As a fan of the fantasy genre, I am glad to see that this movie is coming out. I hope that it gets a good response from the public so that Hollywood will go on to produce more fantasy films in the future. There are so many good stories out there that should be told on film. Unfortunately, a long string of bad fantasy films have soured the genre overall (Beastmaster, Krull... anyone?). I hope that people will give this movie a chance. It seems that so many people out there are just against all things fantasy... this is just the latest target. Please do not judge this movie until you have seen the finished product.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 1:08 p.m. CST

    What the heck - just go see it...

    by AzraelZA

    I'm fed up of these people who come all "holier then thou" pontification rubbish when they don't even know much about the film, or even if they do - they think its got to be some monument to originality and artistry.. Its DnD - its got magic, its got Dragons.. go enjoy ....

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 1:09 p.m. CST

    What this movie SHOULD have been

    by JabbaDac

    Is geeks sitting around a table playing D&D and have it fade into the fantasy sequences that they are visualizing. Sort of like the story telling structure for Princess Bride, although more heavily grounded into the characters that were sitting around the table playing the game

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 1:12 p.m. CST

    Beyonder?? You mean BEHOLDER. Beyonder was the main character in

    by IAmLegolas

    Scott Evil : "Dumbass..."

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 1:25 p.m. CST

    Why bitch about bad FX?

    by Sorcerer

    Seriously, I think we've all been spoiled by the big summer blockbusters- no matter how good or bad they were, they had lots of money to spend on FX. DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS is a low-budget film. Hence, the FX will probably not be as good as THE MATRIX. Why complain about that? I don't know about you, but for me "cheesy CGI" is the last reason to pick on a movie.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 1:27 p.m. CST

    Jimmy Olsen?!? That guy *Played* Jimmy Olsen in the Superman sh

    by Horseflesh

    Is it just me or have we had some really low quality reviews posted lately? This is starting to become a rant site, not a news site. *sigh* All things good must come to an end.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 2:42 p.m. CST

    Answer for VIOLET

    by Elliot_Kane

    The best way to describe Dungeons & Dragons the game is as a kind of freeform acting. One of the players - the Dungeon Master, or DM for short - is a bit like the director of a film. S/he sets the scene for the other players by describing what is going on in the world around them. Each of the other players controls the actions of a single character within that world, who should ideally have a clearly defined personality quite different to the player's own. The players tell the DM what their characters are doing - effectively generating the story as they go along. Some actions can have variable outcomes, and that is where the dice come in. If your character is trying to move silently across squeaky floorboards, for example, the dice will be used to determine success or failure. There is no board, as all the action takes place in the minds of the players, a bit like acting in front of a bluescreen. Having said all that, the object of the game is to have fun, so none of it should be taken too seriously. Good gaming sessions are invariably marked by a lot of laughter. Any role-playing game (of which D&D is one) can be a good way of socialising with friends old and new. Give it a go. You will never regret it.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 2:46 p.m. CST

    this movie is going to be aweful

    by NateWave

    One of the Wayans in a fantasy/adventure movie???? what the hell were they thinking? I have many great memories of role playing... and many funny memories too, but the trailer for this movie sucks ass.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 3:50 p.m. CST

    More for Violet

    by Eudaimonia

    There is a lot of ignorance about D&D among people who pay too much attention to religious leaders who are equally ignorant. If there is anything "evil" in D&D from the religious point of view, it is only that it encourages people to use their imaginations and to think for themselves. Can't have any of that. Playing D&D is no more dangerous or evil than reading The Lord of the Rings. Regarding the D&D movie...well, I'll see it, but I'm only expecting greatness from Peter Jackson's LOTR movies.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Unlike this loser, I've actually seen this movie!

    by Half 'n' Half

    Obviously, this guy didn't see the movie. "The dragons are few and far between"? What? The last 1/2 hour of the movie has hundreds of dragons flying around, destroying a city and each other. "Irons and Birch are in it for about ten seconds" In the trailer, yes. In the movie, that is completely false. Yes, the acting is sometimes cheesy, but it's still a fun ride. I don't play D & D and I don't watch crap shows like Xena, so I can't compare it's efx. But, I never felt they were cheap and the sight of hundreds of dragons flying around was really quite incredible-especially considering the budget they had. It's a fun 100 minutes and if Mumbles had really saw it, he probably would've mentioned the many similarities to STAR WARS, which all of you geeks still cream over. The director is obviously a big fan. And, by the way, the dragons don't look any cheesier than that dinosaur thing that Lucas added to the original. Everyone needs to stop listening to one jerk's opinion, who probably works for a studio that is in competition with this movie. You guys are all so gullible. Sit back and enjoy the best fantasy movie to come out in years.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Duh! Doi!Doi!Doi!

    by crouchingtiger

    If you can't tell from the trailer that this movie's gonna blow, don't complain. You can see "suckthebigone" a mile away on this one, especially if you cast a nonamer like the hero. And Shawn wayans as a elf stepinfetchit? Oh yeah, Kids will line up to see the new Jar Jar for blocks on end. The only cool thing is Thora Birch's breasts literally busting out the seams from her Princess outfit. Bottom line, This movie is going to be seen by geeks supreme on opening night. I wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near a D&D theatre, the elitist that I am. I went to a star trek movie on opening nite, Never AGAIN! The nerds were out in full force with their incessant banter about trekdom and need to fit in with other members of their nerd ilk. I remember one guy talking out loud to his buds "Data is the Bomb, Yo!" every time that guy was on screen. Imagine super geek nerds using hip hop jargon - THE PAIN still lingers . Same thing with Phantom Menace, "DartH Maul is the Bomb, Yo!" So avoid this movie at all costs and especially on opening weekend.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 5:14 p.m. CST

    D & D

    by Cugel

    This does not look like a movie I'm ever payin' $8.50 for. LOTR will be an event: this is just a passing blip. Shame, too - D&D was fun when I was younger. There just never seem to be any genre films that come close to capturing the whole sword-and-sorcery idea in a cool way, apart from Excalibur & the first Conan movie - and those came out in the early 80's! What's been out since then - Legend? (admittedly - very good effects for the time) Willow? Don't remind me. LOTR will change the cheesy trend irrevocably, this movie will not.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 5:24 p.m. CST

    Two statements and a question

    by Violet

    Maybe it is just a girl thing but I loved Willow. I probably will also love D&D and any other fun fantasy film. Beside conventions how does a girl find people who play D&D (i want to try it out)?

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 5:36 p.m. CST

    I'm still going to see it

    by Jarek

    I like how everyone on this post before they add their comments to the movie they state "I've never played D&D", like it's a badge of honour. The french teaser trailer kicked ass, and the idea of a dragon war at the end sounds really cool. Will definitely be seeing it opening weekend.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 6:28 p.m. CST

    SLEAZY -G IS A BIG FAT MORON.

    by human2

    HAM. HAMMING IT UP. It's slang for overacting, you microcephalic. Next time, before you spend 10 minutes trying to write up a witty insult for Harry, try graduating from high school first so you don't end up sounding like an idiot.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 6:41 p.m. CST

    movie from a role playing game...

    by Ally_Kat

    would seem to be a difficult task for just about any director or writer. First and foremost, what makes D&D so much fun is *participation*. You, the player, and the rest of the players get to somewhat steer the action of the game, you sit around joking and laughing and cursing at each other. It's a blast playing D&D. In movie form, we sit on our asses and watch, there is no gameplay, not interaction involved (unless you're booing and throwing shit at the screen). It'd be like making Doom into a movie. The fun of Doom is PLAYING the damn thing, not watching it. Despite everything, though, I'm going to see D&D at a $4 matinee 'cause my young nieces want to see it.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 8:13 p.m. CST

    Oh come on . . .

    by desslok

    Oh come on - it's not even ADVANCED D&D - how good could it be?!?

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 8:50 p.m. CST

    Willow Rocked

    by NateWave

    how can you complain about willow? warwick davis is the man... a very short man... but he is still the man. I kinda hoped to see him in LOTR as one of the hobits...yeah, he would make a good Sam.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 8:55 p.m. CST

    SLEAZYG IS STILL A BIG FAT MORON.

    by human2

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 9 p.m. CST

    CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON ON DEC. 8!

    by crouchingtiger

    Who's gonna watch Dungeons and Dragons when the mother of all Martial Arts dramas is coming to a theatre near you. Hmmm. Let's see.. Butt Buddies Marlon Wayans and Jimmy olsen trying their hand at witty banter whilst slaying awfully generated computer Dragons or... Babe-a-licious Zhang YI Yi using the penultimate in wire fu against Michelle Yeoh and Chow Yun fat set to epic storytelling, did I say epic? I meant Grandiose. Crouching Tiger is at least gauranteed the Best Foreign Film oscar beyond the shadow of a doubt and if it gets into contention for best picture 2000... Let's just say if you see Crouching tiger on Dec. 8 you'll be glad you did. As for the others, they'll be in marlon wayans heaven.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 9:04 p.m. CST

    by human2

    I can't believe you spent a page ragging on Harry for not having the common decency to work in a fucking Chicago deli so he can explain the exact composition of ham, and the fine gradations of culinary subtlety that seperate veal cutlets from regular old pork cutlets, and why neither are served with HAM. "INCISIVE"? That's your middle name, SlazyG. And as far as the quibble about "microcephalic" -- anyone with half a brain knows that it can be used as a noun as well as an adjective, and several dictionaries back me up on that.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 9:25 p.m. CST

    You Can Get Chicken Cutlet In A NYC Deli

    by mrbeaks

    And since they're the only ones that matter, I consider this argument closed. BTW, I just saw THE GRINCH, and have decided to cease all observances of X-Mas from this point until I am set to sea in my glorious Viking funeral if it means that another seasonal film this wretched is never made again. Everything's ruined.

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 10:02 p.m. CST

    don't drag beastmaster into this!!

    by bokabunara

    now now... beastmaster rocked for its time. look at the competition, what? Yor? now there's a film. And Uni should have died, his/her/it's little horn should have been ripped off and piled in with all the others so that other crusty wizard could oust venger. did you ever look at venger's face when he let loose his energy? he looked just like beavis does when he understands something...

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 10:33 p.m. CST

    D&D movies

    by myzlplick

    I agree that there are many many d&d books that could have been used to make a decent movie. All of the Elaine Cunningham books are well written, and there are several other worthy authors. The biggest problem that I have is, as much as I LOVE d&d to this day (dont play, but still read the novels), why would they even bother to spend money on some shitty 'B' title...

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 10:57 p.m. CST

    In my defense

    by mumbles

    Half'n'Half and Laimbrane are incorrect in thinking that I did not see this film. I did. But if there's one thing I hate, it's reviews which give away major spoilers. This is why I don't read Ebert until after I have seen the film. I'm really not trying to impress anyone. I just want to give people a head's up. Go see something good instead. Horseflesh, I know the actor's name is not Jimmy Olson. This was my ill-fated attempt at humor. I'm sorry for the confusion. And just so you all know, even though I'm not a retarded kid from Biloxi, I do agree that you should not take my word as gospel. If you're dying to see this fuckin' thing, go. But if you're straddling the fence, I'd say pass. And I don't work for a competing studio. Even if I did, do you really think that this film would be competition for anything? In fact, New Line RULES!

  • Nov. 20, 2000, 11:55 p.m. CST

    Anyone remember Kull the KonKeror?

    by Dolfanar

    Bad plot, bad fx, bad actors. Made 6 million gross, lost ALOT of money, and mercifully ended Kevin Sorbos movie career. Expect nothing less here. The only story worth telling as far as D&D is concerned is the DragonLance saga.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 12:17 a.m. CST

    SLEAZYG IS NOT A HATER

    by human2

    I don't think you're a jackass, SleazyG, just a microcephalic. It is, as you will now admit, a noun and I am therefore fully justified using it in the way I did. Secondly, have you noticed that Harry's writing is consistently and uniformly awful? Do you really think calling him on mistaking a 'cutlet' for 'ham' will instantly correct his hideous writing style? Do you think anyone cares? I don't know about anyone else, but I come here for half-assed rumours, extremely opinionated fans, and an extremly ugly color scheme, NOT for considered and polished prose.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 12:40 a.m. CST

    This Movie Has All The Makings Of Being The Next "Masters Of The

    by Cowblaster

    Anytime they base a movie off of a game, or some other fantasy-based story, Hollywood seems to really screw themselves over by having that fantasy world modernized and then cross-over with the real world. Admittingly, I'm not really a big fan of D&D, but I know this movie would be a LOT better if it solely took place in the mid-evil/fantasy world that the game takes place in, and not have it full of towering sky-scrapers and a hellacious cross-over featuring an unsung hero from our world being rediculously thrust into a game world full of puns that remind the audience that the movie is based on a GAME! I'm not even a fan of the game and this movie's already pissing me off, showing that Hollywood can't take any kind of fan-based material seriously.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 12:50 a.m. CST

    Guys, hate to break this to ya, but...

    by Sorcerer

    D&D isn't "Hollywood." It's an independent film. Hence the low budget. Hence the FX which you continue to bitch about.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 1:24 a.m. CST

    D&D fans, don't despair!

    by GermanCity

    I admit it, I'm a gamer, so this project held a certain interest for me, even if I despise the D&D game. As others have mentioned, it might be worth a viewing for sheer MST appeal. But don't despair! The way I see it, Lord of the Rings IS the D&D movie. Everything worthwhile in D&D was ripped straight from JJRT anyway, and all of it will be shown to us in time. You want Orcs? Who do you think coined the term in the first place? Just wait.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 1:58 a.m. CST

    well well well..

    by AzraelZA

    Crikey - wagon drivers beware as most of you lot would jump on any passing bandwagon... Most it seems read one review from someone who's knowledge of DnD you could write on a postage stamp and fall into despair! I can't comment anymore on the film then what I've seen in the trailer - which I thought looked pretty good - and some crappy half-hearted review aint going to stop me from seeing a film, filling in a couple of hours for whatever price... People reviews differ - Harry slagged off The Cell something cronic yet just about everyone I know enjoyed it.. so who's right? Think, go see, then slag off....

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 3:52 a.m. CST

    It might be aight yo look at this preview

    by curtdog

    http://www.upcomingmovies.com/dungeons-and-dragons.html

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 6:34 a.m. CST

    I know it's not "Hollywood", Sorcerer...

    by YND

    ... But I still have a difficult time considering any film with a budget of $35 million to be "an independent film".

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 11:13 a.m. CST

    What???

    by soylentphil

    "But who cares about the plot? The filmmakers obviously don't, but that's OK. Some of the best films ever made were devoid of plot." Name three.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Violet, et al

    by biomek

    If your looking for players, look for a local gaming store, or comic book shop. Card shops sometimes too, since Tragic the Spending came out. They usually have a board with people looking for players or looking to join a game. As for the "dateless loser" crowd, you find that in everything, be it sports or star trek.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 2:12 p.m. CST

    Violet -

    by ThereIsNoSpoon

    No it's not a chick thing. Traditionally, male geeks like science fiction and females like fantasy, but traditonal barriers and the image and stigma of geeks in general are rapidly evolving. Plenty of people loved that movie but there are many better ones in that vein and I honestly don't think THE definitive epic fantasy adventure has been made yet (Unless you want to count Star Wars) Which is why I'm Soooo looking forward to LOTR. But you should definitely also see if you haven't already Legend, Dragonslayer, the first Conan the Barbarian (not the sequel - ick!), The Dark Crystal and some Chinese movies called The Storm Riders, The Bride with White Hair and A Chinese Ghost Story. Look also for classic Harryhausen movies - Jason and the Argonauts, The Sinbad movies (Seventh Voyage, Golden Voyage, and Eye of the Tiger) and Clash of the Titans. I think there was actually a D&D style role playing game based on Willow. As for getting started, just go to any bookstore, Toystore or game store and just buy yourself a basic set. Get your friends together, the ones that like the same fantasy stuff you do and just learn it. You don't need experienced players. It can help, especially if the game master has a good sense of story and a flare for drama (as well as decent skills in diplomacy and a sense of fair play) emotions can run hot. A word of caution - one jerk playing can ruin it for everyone. Don't invite anyone to play unless you're 100% sure that they'll be fun and won't take it personally if they die. Another word of caution - you will lose entire months of your life. One session can last 18 hours! One game can last 10 or more sessions! It's addictive as hell! I love role playing but I haven't done it in well over 10 years because I don't have the time! Oh and about the "evil" thing - fundamentalist Christians think that any sort of magic that doesn't directly come from their God must come from the devil. Willow himself would be an evil necromancer invoking the power of Satan in their eyes. As would Shaolin Monks meditating to foucus their Chi energy to smash a brick with their heads. Let's not even start on what the church will tell you about Celtic Pagan religions . . . Further, it is a game - you're not really casting magic spells, you're pretending to, just as you aren't really fighting orcs or slaying dragons. Anyway, I envy you - I remember the first time I played - you're about to embark on a journey that will be a part of you forever - have fun.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Thanks to all those who took the time to answer me

    by Violet21

    I got a lot of helpful replies and it just goes to show how many people love the RPGs genre. I plan to play very soon... got to go find me some gamers. I guess I'll just be playing until LOTR and X-Men2 come out. :)

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Courtney Solomon is a no-talent hack

    by JMYoda

    I grew up playing DND... When I heard this movie was in production I was really excited... Then a I saw the trailer and instantly come to the realasation that this would be a huge stinkin wet-fart of movie. Hell it's directed by a worthless hack who only got into the film buisness thanks to his mommy pulling some strings (she's a producer or some shit). I could shit a better movie then this... The worst part is the 90s-style dialoge ugh... If some geek talked that way at MY table I'd grab the nearest source book and beat him over the head with it... Oh and in this smelly dung heap Wayans is playing the racial sterotype people (wrongly) accused Jar Jar of being. As for the director (and I use that term ever so loosley) Courntey (gee what a fitting name) should be drug out into the street and shot for deficating on the sacrade round that IS DND. Oh by the way, steer clear DNDmovie.com, if you critisizer the film they delete your post! The webmaster there is nothing but a lame-ass studio suck-up. Reminds me of someone else I know...

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 5:10 p.m. CST

    Morons

    by roamer1

    I guess the most dissapointing thing about a number of the posts here is the apparent lack of intelligence on the part of the writers. I don't understand why people feel that they must curse and use juvenile dialogue to try and make a point. I've got news for you. If you are one of the offenders, it only makes you look stupid and uneducated. Try and at least have something sensible to say. I still don't understand how people can pick a part an entire movie based on a TWO MINUTE trailer. I have seen movies with excellent trailers that have turned out to be awful, and I have also seen the opposite. Don't be so quick to judge something until you have actually seen it for yourself. I have high hopes for this movie, but I will reserve judgement until I have actually SEEN it!

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Thanks to all my fanboys!

    by Violet21

    Thanks to all who replied to me. The high amount of people who responded to my questions proves that RPGs are still going strong. I'm going to play as soon as I can...just got to find some other gamers (my friends are too cool for school for that type of thing..the bitches). I guess I'll be playing until LOTR and X-Men2 come out. See you there!

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 5:22 p.m. CST

    Whoops

    by Violet21

    I thought my first post didn't get posted...but i guess it did. Ahh well. I wish this shit worked faster!

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Soylentphil

    by mumbles

    Actually, 2001 is a great example. I guess what I was trying to say is that there are a shitload of movies out there which use the plot as an excuse to do something that looks cool or shows off great acting, and are considered to be bad because of their weak writing. On the other hand, many, many movies rely only on a great script with absolutely no visual style to speak of (This is one of the reasons why I think von Trier's movement could really hurt film if it caught on). Critics seem to be a lot more forgiving of these films. I was just trying to say that there are a number of great films out there which are great for reasons other than the writing. Examples which come to mind right now are ALIEN, TITANIC, DIE HARD, JURASSIC PARK, I AM CUBA, KOYAANISQATSI, BATMAN, THE REPLACEMENT KILLERS, BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA, CON AIR, NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, Raimi's early films, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 2, INDEPENDECE DAY, JAWS, TOUCH OF EVIL, Michael Bay's movies, SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, blah, blah, blah. And then there are movies like TWO GIRLS AND A GUY, which have shitty plots and aren't much to look at, but have brilliant performances which make them a joy to watch. Of course, what we all look for each time we sit in a theater is a movie which can combine all of the elements of filmmaking into one big fat masterpiece. If you can do that, then you're Paul Thomas Anderson.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 5:46 p.m. CST

    Spengler

    by mumbles

    No, this is not an entire shot-for-shot rip-off of RAIDERS, but there is one scene which is. There's this glowing rock-thing and it's on display in this room at the end of a gauntlet (which was also ripped off from the Indiana Jones trilogy), and our hero slowly approaches it and removes it from its resting place. It goes way beyond being merely an homage, and my friends and I were dying of laughter when we saw it.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 7:22 p.m. CST

    re Willow-bashing

    by Cugel

    OK, maybe it wasn't THAT bad, just way too kiddified. After watching 'Backdraft' I know Ron Howard can direct more action-intense, less PG-13 type movies and Willow was a little too cute for its own good. As for Dragonslayer, Beastmaster, Sword & Sorcerer .. yeah, forgot about those - not too bad either. But again, those were all early 80's flicks as well. Fantasy movies have been really disappointing since that time. LOTR will be the turnaround point, it'll do for the sword-and-sorcery genre what Matrix has done for sci-fi: raise the bar substantially.

  • Nov. 21, 2000, 10:48 p.m. CST

    YND- Actually...

    by Sorcerer

    I'm not sure of this, but I think I heard something about eXistenZ being in the $30 million range, and of course those Merchant Ivory-type epics can get costly. 30 mil. is still cheap by Hollywood standards, hence within the realm of "really expensive independent." There's some overlap to be sure.

  • Nov. 22, 2000, 1:38 a.m. CST

    Fantasy movies

    by DCL2791

    Would 'Excalibur' count as a fantasy movie? It is based on a literary work, but it did have the knights, the king, the wizard, the sorceress, and the magic sword. Just curious(as it is one of my all time faves)

  • Nov. 22, 2000, 1:03 p.m. CST

    d and d the movie

    by rhett

    In answer to a previous post, I would definitely classify Excalibur as fantasy, and, in my opinion, the best fantasy movie ever. The quality of that movie was I hoping the D and D movie would reach, and what by all rights a movie based on D and D WOULD reach. Unfortunately, based on the trailer, it's pretty obvious that's not going to be the case. I realize that it's somewhat unfair to judge a 100 minute movie by a two minute trailer, but several problems are immediately apparent: 1. The dialogue will be cheesy as hell, unless the producers deliberately chose to incorporate the worst lines in the trailer for unknown reasons. How about when Wayans says, and I may be not be exact in the quote: "How come you get the find the girl, and I get to find the map?"... Uh, can you imagine Tanis Half-Elven or King Arthur belting out a comment like that? I guarantee you there will be stupid, inappropriate one-liners like this throughout the movie. This is not supposed some kind of Bruce Willis action movie full of wisecracks, but just wait and see if we don't have exactly that. 2. If you have "Jimmy Olsen" and Wayans as the heroes, that right there should tell how dramatic and intense (or, rather, how UNdramatic and UNintense) this movie will be. 3. Every good v. evil cliche is going to be found here. Think of Flash Gordon. 4. The cinematography looks to be great-if this was a science fiction movie. I thought D and D was supposed to set in medevial times. Sorry if I sound bitter, but I have been expecting this movie for 15 years. I don't play the game anymore, but still regularly read Dragon, Dungeon, etc. If the movie turns out to be what I hoped for, as opposed to what I suspect it will be, I will post an apology on this board. And I will do happily, because I will have watched a great movie! However, it appears awful certain that I will have to wait for LOTR to come out, if I am waiting to watch a great film. They appear to have that one right.

  • Nov. 22, 2000, 1:43 p.m. CST

    It IS fair to judge a 100 minute movie by a 2 minute trailer

    by ThereIsNoSpoon

    That is in fact, what the studio is asking you to do - They're showing you two minutes for free to convince you to pay $8.50 to see the rest. And I think we're all wise to the tricks of trailer editors after all these years. With relative accuracy we all can pretty much tell from a trailer weather we have any interest in seeing something or not. Sometimes we are surprised, pleasantly or unpleasantly so. But if I were a betting man my money would be on this movie sucking as much as the trailer makes it look like it will.

  • Nov. 22, 2000, 2:38 p.m. CST

    D&D Too little too late?

    by Kenneth

    I for one look forward to seeing D&D. There is very little descent Fantasy material (I also like other genres). But I kind of expected this film might suck.

  • Nov. 22, 2000, 9:35 p.m. CST

    No Orcs? B.S.!!

    by Jarek

    Seriously, to the person who was worried that there'd be no orcs in this movie, I give you this link: http://www.dndmovie.com/php/dragons8.jpg ...... go take a look for yourself, this is a production still from the movie.

  • Nov. 22, 2000, 9:38 p.m. CST

    Good call on He-Man, Mr. Binks

    by KingKrypton

    MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE is one property I'd love to see revived, only this time in a film version faithful to the classic Filmation cartoon, not the crappy "New Adventures of He-Man" mess or the disappointing Dolph Lundgren movie (although I did like Frank Langella and Meg Foster as Skeletor and Evil-Lyn; they were OK). As for DUNGEONS & DRAGONS, I have a systematic aversion to all things Wayans, so it's no surprise to me that this film apparently ain't very good. I'll pass, thanks. Shame though, the property deserved much better.

  • Nov. 22, 2000, 9:40 p.m. CST

    Oops! I meant Mr. BEAKS!

    by KingKrypton

    Sorry about that! :o

  • Nov. 23, 2000, 2:30 a.m. CST

    This is why I dont listen to internet opinions!

    by Protricity

    These "reviews" on this page are amazing!. 100 people concluding the movie to be terrible, with nothing to back up their ignorant remarks but the simple fact that they saw the trailer. The Dragon graphics are called GodAwful, shitty, B-Rated, lousy. Come ON People! which movie ever came out with "A-Rated" graphics? what are you comparing this to? Those dragons looked as good as any I've seen yet in movies (DragonHeart ex.) I believe that this talkback page is bullshit. I believe that some people like to go around saying stuff like "CGI" and pretending to know what they are talking about. Its easier to criticize a movie than to raise hopes for it. I get pissed when I hear ppl say, "I saw the trailer and instantly came to the realization that the movie would suck". SEE the movie first, then your bullshit remarks will have some backing to them, until then, all these reviews are worthless. Every last one of them! Worthless

  • Nov. 23, 2000, 2:50 p.m. CST

    No, it ISN'T fair.

    by Sorcerer

    Are you trying to tell me that the people who cut together trailers always do the best job possible at making the material look good? That if you look at 2 minutes' worth of random shots from any film, you can tell how good the whole thing is? Films have been mismarketed before, bad trailers have run for good films.

  • Nov. 26, 2000, 2:06 a.m. CST

    Please don't judge the genre!!!

    by He-Man

    One thing that REALLY REALLY upsets me about many of these posts is the way people feel about the GAME D&D. I am not here to advocate the qualities of the game, however, but I do wish to say that those people who are saying; "What? A movie about a game? How could that be any good!" That opinion is just SO ignorant. First of all, yes, D&D IS a game... but it is a game ABOUT everything and anything that people love about good movies. Probably the most popular movies would make the most D&D-like game. For example, when Star Wars: Episode 1 came out, everybody freaked to go see it. But Star Wars is no more and no less geeky than D&D. Star Wars, and all fantasy adventures like it, possess almost every facet of what makes D&D fun, it has an exciting story, exotic locations, weird monsters, "magical powers", cool villains, and bad-ass sword fights. So if you ENJOY something like Star Wars, than you would be bound to like something like D&D: THE MOVIE. It doesn't matter whether or not you played the game. The game has nothing to do with it. The game is just a way of interacting with a story set in your imagination. A movie simply depicts what the game sets out to portray. This is why D&D: THE MOVIE had ENORMOUS potential. But I am pretty sure, simply by looking at the movie poster, that the movie is going to be horrible, and I really mourn at the fact considering that idiotic movie producers will look at the box office returns and NEVER consider doing another movie like this again! It's this kind of ignorance that unnerves me. I am sure when someone wanted to make a movie about Batman someone said; "Huh? Batman? You mean that cheesy tv show with Adam West wearing tights? How could THAT ever be good!" And look where Batman is today.

  • Dec. 2, 2000, 3:06 p.m. CST

    D&D - Too Much SFX

    by Caerdwyn

    Howdy folks, First off, let me state that no, I'm not a hardcore D&D fan. I've played 2nd Edition on and off with a small group of friends over the past few years, but otherwise I'm not very involved with the game. I know fantasy, and I know a good movie when I see one, however, and the D&D movie looks disappointing. Yes, I've only seen the trailer. And yes, I say it is a fair statement of how the movie will be. That's what trailers are, they're meant to show you a little bit of everything, or enough to hook you. The D&D trailer was one of those "let's show as much as we can in one minute" trailers. To me, the movie looks like it will be a parade of snazzy special-effects. The dragon battle at the end could be an epic event, but I think it will be handled as nothing more than "look how many dragons we can shove into the background!" Less plot, more filler. I believe the entire movie will fall to this end, unfortunately. I think the D&D movie should've aimed low with the whiz-bang special effects and concentrated more on the plot and the script. Afterall, D&D is about grand adventure, not mindless action. I'm still going to see it on Dec. 8th, but I'm definately catching a half-price matinee. My two cents.