RED PLANET review

Ya know what folks, I just don't feel like reviewing this movie... Ya see, I love science-fiction films.... Good ones.... Bad ones..... just not the mediocre ones, and that is what this is in spades.

This is that girl/guy ya saw, dated and went to bed with, but now when you think about it.... what was his/her name? Damn... You forgot didn't you. You can remember wishing that it was better than it had been, but ya can't even remember a clever anecdote about the time you spent with him/her..... You remember vague things.... Here.... let me show you...

This RED PLANET thing... ya know, it stars good people... and ya know... they are all... ok. But it is as if, they started this movie off with these characters and said.... Ok, let's go from point A on Mars to point B.... but this guy'll have a cracked rib and this guy'll have a cracked concience and this guy'll smile too much.

Meanwhile... to make sure there is a change of locale and so we can always cut away from the surface of Mars.... we'll leave one in the ship... and have her having to contact Earth and wait 40 minutes to hear back.... ewwww.... action....

Ok, so we also have a rabid robot dog named AME..... and AME is animated to perfection.... so much so that it in no way moves like a mechanical thing.... more like a person in a motion capture suit.... with whirring sound effects.

So they had the moneyh for perfect animation rendering on AME.... but apparently they did subpar animation work on all the space craft.... looking really really really cg.... WHERE ARE MODELS.... Why can't we have really well painted models, that have cg effects.... why does it all have to be CG, I hate this stuff.... SILENT RUNNING looked a thousand times better than this crap!!!

And then there is the NTSC transfer looking resolution to the FIRE effects which just blew.

Now usually, I never notice this stuff... but what with nothing going on in the movie... I could tell this flick was an unkept mess.

Now.... you've seen the two best scenes in the film for download at COMING ATTRACTIONS.... personally, I recommend going to see BAMBOOZLED or go catch ALMOST FAMOUS again.... CHARLIE'S ANGELS was great..... oh, check the paper... is DANCER IN THE DARK or GIRL ON THE BRIDGE playing? Yeah? Oh... oh, look, WONDER BOYS is playing.... you missed that last time it was playing town... check that out. Yeah, that's the ticket. Hell, you'll see this on DVD... the effects'll look better there, and at least then you'll have the entertainment of listening to some bozo's audio track where they attempt to explain why they thought this was a worthwhile endeavor...... I guess John Carpenter is going to have to be the man to deliver a cool MARS film, because so far.... they've been fair at best. Take care and stay away from this one unless you're desperate. And then it might only lead to a radio in the bathtub night.