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CHARLIE'S ANGELS review
I have had a terrible week… it is as if all the cool karma I had in the world went towards that PLAYBOY MANSION trip, then suddenly… harsh reality came crashing down upon my dearest possessions.
Halloween came and went wonderfully… time spent with Dorothy Parker and some friends… me dressed as Boris (as in, & Natasha), Tom Joad as a cheerleader, Annette Kellerman as DevilWoman and Dorothy Parker was… the front half of Slinky Dog. The night went great, and when I got home ALL SAINT’S DAY morning…
HELL STRUCK! I don’t know what caused it… perhaps it was that damn new Internet Explorer… Perhaps it was a virius disguised as a gangbang Snow White joke email that when I clicked… it did nothing. Whatever the cause… The WOPR… The MCP… The HAL of AICN died. For two days now, I’ve tried in vain to place the electrodes on its chest… scream clear and bring my baby back to life… Working on this MAC Laptop as a last resort… and becoming way way waaaaaaay too attached to it for my own good.
Then Father Geek’s eyeglasses blew off his face to be hit by a hundred bastard cars… the covers on my bed became untucked… oh… and this all culminated today with getting an email from SONY saying that on my trip to Square’s Headquarters in Hawaii… To see footage from FINAL FANTASY… I would be required to remain silent about everything except a trailer, which would be hitting the net the following week… anyways. So I had to call up and tell SONY that I don’t do that, and declined my trip to Hawaii, as I do not type on anybody else’s schedule.
So… to recap… My Computer died, a $300 pair of Father Geek glasses broke, my covers came untucked and I blew off a free trip to Hawaii to see really cool film footage.
I needed a movie tonight. I had a pass to see THE LEGEND OF BAGGER VANCE.
Hey, like I said… I needed to see a movie. I don’t like golf, but in my weakened state of existence… I would take whatever entertainment I could get.
I arrive at the theater, and the theater fella says, "Which preview are you here to see?"
Hmmm, there seems to be more than one. "What are my choices?"
"Well, you can see THE LEGEND OF BAGGER VANCE or CHARLIE’S ANGELS."
Hmmmm, Balls or TITS AND ASS? Hmmmm, Balls or TITS AND ASS? Hmmmmm, well… heheheh…
So I saw CHARLIE’S ANGELS tonight. I needed pure entertainment. Something that would make me smile and feel good. Something to get me in that geeky mood to write and exorcise these friggin demons that have plagued my life like Satan once did my friend Glen’s life.
All I knew going in was that Ed Solomon had something to do with the script and that everyone that I talked to, seemed to really have a good time, but always seemed to feel guilty for saying it.
Well, Ed Solomon was part of the reason why BILL AND TED’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURES worked… and he was also behind MEN IN BLACK. These were films that put smiles on faces.
And this McG director dude. I met him once. I was wandering a lot in Culver City once with Robie and Moriarty, attempting minor B&E in the Judy Garland building to find the SPIDER-MAN costume. McG seemed like a really big kid… we talked briefly… he said he wanted to hook me up to see his movie…
I NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN…
I had him written off as a flake with a really cheesy name. McG… is his first name, YoYo? UNTIL TONIGHT.
Oh dear God, I’m in love.
I’m so happy and full of glee at the moment. The skies above Austin are pouring down rain… but my mind is completely and utterly filled with the image of Cameron Diaz’s swirling ass.
Cameron Diaz’s Swirling Ass!
There are moments in film history of pure unadulterated joy of cinema. Where we see things on screen that reach into your chest and makes your heart grow two sizes too large. Cameron Diaz’s Swirling Ass is one such creation.
Remember that moment in SINGING IN THE RAIN… Where Gene Kelly suddenly and inexplicably bursts into song? Cameron Diaz’s Swirling Ass is very much the same type of thing.
When we first see it, she has it clothed in 100% cotton Spider-Man Underoos. Yes, that’s right, that Swirling Ass is sheathed in 100% Cotton… Nice freshly washed stain free Spideyroos… At first I was trying to see the exact art in the crack/crotch of her underoos… attempting vainly to see if it was John Romita Sr artwork or Steve Ditko or even Romita Jr. I instantly eliminated Ditko… the line work and shape of Spidey’s head was all wrong. And I think that Jr came after the advent of Underoos… So I’ll say that the Spidey in Diaz’s crotch was Romita Sr.
But that is beside the point… and the point is the magic of Diaz’s Swirling Ass. It always began with a vertical up down shift followed by a hip twist… as though she had to jump start that swirling ass like a Harley… but once it got started… up on that gigantic movie screen… I sat there in my seat… straw sticking out of the top of my drink… with a shit eating grin upon my face. My eyes making tight little circles… and my heart keeping pace. When the Underoos sequence was over… I felt… oh… oh no, that’s the end of it.
BUUuutttt noooooooo
Later at the SOUL TRAIN date… Cameron Diaz’s swirling ass takes center stage… and she suddenly finds herself upon that stage… the look in her eye is pure joy… as though she was just told , "You get to live happily ever after," by God. And then her ass does the vrooooom, thing and begin spinning to the tune of, I believe, BABY’S GOT BACK, sung by that guy that used to wear that pickle on his nose… but now that image and bikini clad asses are gone… as my only thought is now on that Funky White Girl… and her Swirling Ass.
Another important aspect of that Swirling Ass of Cameron Diaz’s is it’s fine size and dimensional shapeliness. Neither too big nor too small. It has that beautiful evenness to it that made it the ultimate swirling hypnotist’s wheel.
But to sum up, Cameron Diaz’s Swirling Ass is one of the greatest images and objects in the whole of human existence. McG is a genius for releasing this force of nature upon the glory of 35mm… his genius for setting that magical mystical swirling ass to music adequate enough to emphasize the beat and pentameter of the swirl… Oh yes… And to you Cameron Diaz… I love your Swirling Ass in this flick…. And highly recommend that it swirl in every flick.
Ya know, I better talk about the rest of the film lest you good folks think I’m obsessed with Cameron Diaz’s Swirling Ass… the way the light catches the curves, the way it barely jiggles as though firmed by a million aerobic thrusts… Oh yes, there were other items of interest. Other less easy to grasp and pour over… issues and subject also worthy to delve into full on again and again and again and again… but none so fun as Cameron Diaz’s Swirling Ass.
Coming in second to that Swirling Ass is McFly! George McFly (aka Crispin Glover) is one of the coolest slickest and wickedest badasses to ever kick some in a flick. He’s like an evil Chow Yun Fat… an evil Jet Li, and more menacing than Jet was in LETHAL WEAPON 4. Oh no, I’m not kidding. McFly is a force to be reckoned with. Nothing I read anywhere prepared me for the utter coolness that McFly wields in this film.
I don’t believe he ever utters a word in the whole film, but that makes him all the scarier. He joins the ranks of Karloff’s Morgan, Hodder’s Jason, Castle’s Michael Myers or Sakata’s Oddjob as one of the great silent foils… except the difference here is the utter smoothness and sleekness that McFly brings to the character. Remember how we all went drool happy with Stamos’ Mystique? Well, subtract the T&A and add more coolness and that’s McFly’s character in this film. ABSOLUTELY GREAT!!!
Alright alright… enough of that… you want to know what the film is about.
Fine… whatever. The film is about entertaining you. It is shameless in it’s sheer energy levels that it goes through to get you smiling and tapping your foot.
CHARLIE’S ANGELS is one of the best Comic Book-styled films you’ve seen. The pacing, angles, speeding up and slowing down… yet, throughout the action scenes… the car chases and the fights… McG never loses sight of the main goal of these scenes.
TO KICK OUR ASS.
There is a car chase… and McG allows us to get a sense of the velocity at which these cars are moving… Point of view shots where the grain in the road begins to race by at the speed of ice cream entering my mouth… I’m talking ludicrous speeds here. Recently in that GET CARTER film of Stallone’s… you could care less in the action scenes because they had no rhythm… no huzzah… McG understand oomph… like when he has Cameron Diaz’s Swirling Ass moving around and around and around and around and around and around… Ooooh Diaaaaazzzz, goddess of the Swirling Ass… Please record an endless loop tape of your ass swirling with thumping pumping music and the subliminal message… "Don’t eat sweets and this ass will be yours fatboy!" repeating over and over and over… barely audible.
It could help millions. Think of the nations of the world… obesity is a problem, and Diaz has the cure. Her Swirling Ass can solve problems in this world that have impossible answers… until now.
Alright… now, in addition to McFly and Diaz’s Swirling Ass… there is Barrymore, who’s cleavage… the soft valley of joy… is another major contributor to this film. There is Lucy Liu, who’s entire person is a joy. I love her personal problem… how to tell the action movie star in her life that she’s a real life superheroine… and not a bikini waxer.
There is Bill Murray, who is perfect… so much so that Moriarty will be screaming like that Catholic School Girl at Robie’s hovel.
But wait, I just skirted right by Barrymore’s Shangri La of Breasts, her cherub cheeks… the sultry come hither in her eyes… Oh yes, Barrymore is a joy… the smeared lipstick and the only Angel proven to put out at the call of fried chicken and scrabble. Unlike her character in BAD GIRLS, Barrymore is having waaay too much fun here… so much so that I can’t stand to not just stand up and cheer. Her edict about the Angels not using guns was fantastic. EXACTLY what this film needed. With Guns it would have been some funky Woo-Wannabe funk, but without them… it creates its own stylistic universe of slow-mo jiggling action.
Lucy Liu’s Angel is the pure Sex Demon. Her Corseted waist and black latex domineering wet dream slap in the face of masculinity… doesn’t threaten the guys in the audience, but makes them want to teach her how to cook. Oh yes, hours in the kitchen with her… helping her understand recipes, oven temperatures, spicing and cooking patience. Oh yes, hours of smearing butter and pounding flour… The correct amount of yeast to get it to rise and yet not too much to cause it to have a premature explosion of gooey dough… always a moment to live down. Oh I’d love to teach her the correct way to make a blueberry muffin.
And once again, that brings me to my favorite angel, Cameron Diaz. Don’t get me wrong, Lucy Liu and Drew Barrymore would rip it off at the root, but… Hmm, how to explain this… Ok, Lucy has a pent up sexuality that she is completely in control of… Drew wears her libido as a bowtie, obviously aware of her own sensuality. Cameron Diaz seems utterly unaware about it. She has that BARBARELLA-innocence that screams for the world of hard-up guys like me and most likely you… to dream about taking advantage of. She has crazy crazy sex written all over her and that magical swirling ass of hers, but she doesn’t know it. Which means she wouldn’t use it as a rolling pin to rule you with… she wouldn’t have that headache… Cameron Diaz shares a sex appeal on film like that of Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, Jane Fonda and Rainbeaux Smith. And it makes her one of the sexiest and hottest cinematic sirens we have in film. But none of them had the Magical Swirling Ass!!!
As you can see, this movie makes you feel goofy and funny… it’s kinda like that morning in 6th grade where you woke up and didn’t understand why things were like how they were. You merely accept and understand it as being a force of nature. CHARLIE’S ANGELS is that force of nature… that sticky embarrassment that you may feel weird about sharing with other people in the world… but it’s only natural… It makes you feel good… share it with those you care about.
The more folks learn about Cameron Diaz’s Swirling Ass, Drew Barrymore’s Soft Valley of Joy and Lucy Liu’s Corseted Heavenly Promise… the better we as a people are.
This movie will let loose a joy in you. Enjoy.
What's sad is when so many can't even get a clue about SATIRE... sheesh. Watch the movie, then read the review. Diaz's Magical Swirling Ass is a plot point, and it does seem to not only have powers... but a mind of its own. As for getting laid? Cast the first stone stud.
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darthpsychotic
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How original, I'm the first to ever consider typing this into the text box. I'm so fucking cool!
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Harry, man get a life.
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Quick..
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Jesus, what the fuck do you freaks do, wait every second, hitting the reload button waiting for a new post? Is there some sort of prize I'm not aware of? You people make me sick.
Anyway, I have a new theory about the I-9 Killer. IT'S YOU HARRY!!!! ONLY A FUCKING SERIAL KILLER COULD GO INTO SUCH SYCOPHANTIC DETAIL ABOUT AN ASS!!!!! Even an ass as lucious as Cameron Diaz and her massive amount of bootie talent deosn't deserve such a sickening soberfest of a post as what you just spewed forth into the internet ether. You make me ill with posts like these, Harry. I can't wait for the sequel, where you lovingly decribe, stroke by stroke the way your spunk splattered all over the life-size poster you've heat shrinked to your blow-up doll. Holy shit, there's an image I'll never get out of my head. -
i agree with the sentiment, harry, but this was just kinda disturbing. glad to see crispin glover's creeping shit up once again - between 'at close range' and 'river's edge', he did me head in back in the late '80s/early '90s.
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That was humpty. What do they know in Texas. Jesus
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Nov 03, 2000 1:39:14 AM CST
Was this a review of Charlie's Angels or a review of Cameron Dia
by kaylob
How many times did you write 'Swirling Ass' Harry? It was in every damn sentence.
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Geeez potzer....what the fuck was with that review? That was the most shameless, pathetic piece of writing I think I've ever read. How is anyone supposed to read a review like that and then take anything else you review seriously. Ughhhh. I hope I never sit in front of you in a theater during a movie lik C.A...the moans coming from behind and the terror of feeling harry's spunk hitting the back of my neck would be a little distracting.
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seriously tho.. go into this one expecting very little plot and gratuitous T & A. McG was definately the right director to really capture the fun of something everyone knew would be so over-the- top camp. Diaz seemed to have the most fun with her character (which is probably the reason for her swirling ass), but I must say that somewhere Thandie Newton is thanking the gods for her delays on Mission Impossible 2. Had she become Alex in this movie, she would have been the spoof of her character in MI:2. And although I liked Bill Murray, he definately needed more time onscreen. I'm glad they didn't potray him as flamishly as his was written. And as far as Crispin Glover... man, I have a different take than Harry. His 'Thin Man' makes Agent Smith look like a girl scout. The Wachowski's need him in the Matrix sequels as an agent side-kick for Hugo Weaving... he could be the T-1000 of agents. This is one of those guilty pleasure movies no one will admit to liking.
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Who did the artwork of the underwear on Cameron's swirling ass? They were done by none other than my step-father, Fred Bowman (the ass design) and an associate of his, Ramzi Tiel (the front part). They work for Fruit of The Loom and the underwear were a special order. Thank you for comparing them to Romita and Ditko, I'll pass on that compliment. Although Ditko never fondled Cameron Diaz's UNDERWEAR now did he!
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Right here, right now, with Harry's description of Cameron Diaz's swirling ass. We have officially gone into 'fucked-up shit' territory. This, along with the drool you spilled on Blair Witch 2, marks the end of respect you have earned. On the plus side, you've definitely passed the test to be in P.T. Anderson's next film as 'the fucked-up swirling ass obsessed guy'. Tell Luis Guizman he's out of a job.
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Nov 03, 2000 2:11:06 AM CST
As as the Ass Swirling, I'm fed up with PrickTeases advertising
by removed_user
Or let your fingers do the walking and surf your way on the darthpsychotic
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... just come already, all right? Sure, Cameron Diaz has a great ass, but you really need to get laid.
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Harry really, really, really, needs to get laid.
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sorry gang, and I know some of you are getting tired of see this name-> darthpsychotic
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He's a great sleazeball in it, and the movie itself is hilarious, poignant, eminently watchable, and bizarrely inspiring. I found a website with Real Audio of the actual Larry Flynt Supreme Court hearing (among other cases), and was impressed that the movie was so faithful to the actual dialogue. In any case, Glover's one cool cat, and I'm happy to hear he makes for charismatic evil in "Charlie's Angels". Been planning to catch that flick anyway, ever since the kick-ass and good-spirited trailers started hitting. As for Harry's review in general...tone it down a little big guy. I know you love the unmitigated geek-out, but Jesus, man, that was embarrassing. Honest, maybe, but embarrassing.
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I'm a bit confused. Granted, it was a fluffy piece of T+A that didn't take itself seriously, but does that make it good? I came out of the theatre knowing only a few things: The action scenes with Thin Man were great, women will always be able to manipulate simple men with their sexuality (see Harry's review for examples), and Lucy Liu must have it in her contracts that no matter what project she is in, she must be a bitch/domme in at least one scene. Beyond that, I always thought that the Angels each had one special skill, yet in this it seems that they all have the same ingredients, but just put into different fishnet, leatherbound molds. I also finally realised whenever Cameron Diaz smiles, she looks like Harley Quinn. Anything else? Well, did I mention the T+A? Strange thing, I was actually watching this film thinking back to Wing Chun (A few scenes actually made me go, "Wing Chun?"), and Heroic Trio (again, same as before), and wondering actually hoping Anita Mui or Michelle Yeoh would pop in just to beat Lucy Liu's character's ass. Beyond that, all else I can say is that all the characters beyond the Angels are very unimportant. Its kinda sad when Murrey isn't even that funny in the film, but in his defense he has less screen time than the Thin Man it seems... Long story short, this is a music video movie... I predict this will be the spank film all boys between 12-16 will want to own if they still can't watch 'R'.
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Excuse me?
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Hey Harry don't listen to these nay sayers, i could read about Cameron Diaz' Magical Swirling Ass all day, i'm actually hoping that you write more about it. That ass...man that ass has answers to important questions. That ass gives us hope, it gives a a glimpse of a brighter day. My true hope is that my large trenchcoat does not chafe my fat ass erect penis in mere hours when i view this fine fine film...i'm thinking it'll replace Citizen Kane as the most important film, ever. DropKick Splittin, Like Pants.
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Cameron Diaz actually reading this review? god, i almost puked. it was repulsive. i couldn't finish reading it. i am a fucking guy. I admit, i had a goddamn crush on her when i was 12 and the mask came out. but christ, this "review" is really disturbing. haven't read the posts yet, but saw a subject saying harry needs to get laid. i wholeheartedly agree, but with that kind of mind set, to go on and on disturbingly and perversely about her ass, he never ever will. man, i can understand the reference, hey, her ass is on display, it looks good, ok, he's a salivating fanboy. but shit, man, paragraph after paragraph, that's kinda frightening. anyway, though, the movie looks like fun and my girlfriend wants to see it. growing up on cheezy kung fu movies, i'm a sucker for cheezy kung fu. i'm sure it'll be a kick. good god there was no pun intended there. anyway though, the motivation behind this post was the mental image of Cameron Diaz actually reading this review and how frightening that would be. god, harry is really creepy sometimes.
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Nov 03, 2000 3:05:56 AM CST
I WOULD LIKE 299 OTHER GUYS TO MAIL A DOLLAR BILL FOLDED IN PAPE
by regis travolta
YOU CAN FIND THEIR P.O. BOX ADDRESS BY CLICKING ON CONTACT ON LEFT SIDE OF HOME PAGE, COME ON GUYS IF EVERYONE CHIPS IN A MEASLY BUCK FATHER GEEK WILL GET 300 ENVELOPES NEXT WEEK EACH CONTAINING A DOLLAR BILL AND HE CAN GET HIS NEW GLASSES HE DESERVES THIS HALLOWEEN TREAT FROM US FOR ALL HIS GOOD WORK ON THIS SITE. NOW HARRY ANOTHER GRAMMAR LESSON FOR YOU ON THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHOSE & WHO'S:
IN WHOVILLE THERE ARE MANY WHOS WHOSE CHRISTMAS WAS RUINED I WONDER WHO'S RESPONSIBLE... -
This could be worse than Battlefield Earth, but I'll still see it for Cameron Diaz.
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I saw this movie tonight and I have to agree with Harry. I really liked it and feel almost guilty about saying it. But it was just that damn cool. I agree with the magic of the swirling ass, but there was another scene that stuck out in my mind. Drew Barrymore's character is tied up in chair. She manages to get her legs free and when she does this, she rests her legs on the armrests of the chair, spreadeagled!! And there's a nice shot of her crotch at this point. It was just a damn cool movie that will have geeks like us drooling. End of story.
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Nov 03, 2000 5:35:44 AM CST
IS HARRY SUFFERING FROM...HUMM, BLUEBALLS....Crack? TOO may cock
by geekbasher 3.0
for one of the fucking funnest movies to come out in forever and a day...Was Titanic Fun? FUCK NO? Kate Winselt's Coochie big breast was not as fun as C.D swirling twirling ass, and man I really have come to the conclusion that Harry is not only on Crack, but he had one too many fucking cocktails...(and not enough Cock)
just kidding Harry...
Can't wait to see the Grosses for Miss Diaz's Swirling fucking Bootie...Gee, you can be so fucking wierd sometims, but aren't we all, I mean how many times have we all come on here fucked up, giddy and full of shit to say???
MANY TIMES MY FRIENDS, MANY TIMES...
did I speeeelll Many right? or is it MANNNIE?
FUck it, give me another hit of that bong bitch!
Go see ANgels Stoned and Drunk, I did and I had a pissing good swirling twirling, Aviator Popping, Fabulous TIME!
Not since Showgirls.......... -
I mean, I really loved the movie and all, but shit, now when I see it again, and everytime I see Miss Diaz...GOD, all I will ever think about is how Swirly her ass was and to be quite honest, yes she shook her booty and got her groove on, but HONEY BABY HARRY, GET A GRIP! DID YOU HAVE 3-D ass Swirling glasses on?
Oh my God, Harry, I am calling 911 on yer ass now, you really need help baby, it's okay....really it is, sweetie, I swear if you poke a hole in the Natalie Charlie's Angel's Doll Figure, I am sure yer dick will fit -
That has ot to be one of the most pathetic comparison phrases I have ever read.
Don't they have hookers in Texas any more? Sheesh. -
This is the one thing I dont understand. Shouldnt the person dancing to baby got back actually have back. Miss Diaz really has no ass to speak of, hell man Salma Hayek should have an angel up there shakin her thing.
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Nov 03, 2000 5:59:19 AM CST
Aight, let me break this down for all ya'lls one time...
by mr whitefolks
Okay, I got in on a midnight screening of this flick tonight, and this is what I have to say about it; it's a dead heat between shitty and brilliant. Allow me to explain.
First off, I hate McG. I hated pretty much every music video the man concocted from his obnoxiously bright colored mind. The man apparently has it in his head that what he does is the coolest thing since cocaine was invented. Now going into this flick, I figured I was going to be seeing a lot of bright colors, crazy gravity defying slow motion kicks, and humor that probably was either going to rule, or be downright pathetic. I was right on every account.
Charlie's Angels was completely shitty, in a sufficiently entertaining way. Confused yet? Me too. The movie bounced around hitting the ultimate coolness level then immediately going from 0 to shitty in 5 seconds. Mind you, this film took itself seriously not a once. The entire film is EXACTLY like the show, just in style, wit and in general T&A factor. About half the jokes are funny where as the rest of them kinda make you furrow your brow unhappily. Except for the Cameron Diaz/Luke Wilson situations, and Bill Murray in general, the little side plots were pretty worthless. Lucy Liu's relationship with Eric LeBlanc is little more than screen filler, and Tom Green is only in two scenes. The whole "evil plot" is actually something completely different than the trailer leads you to believe, and Tim Curry is not in the film NEARLY enough. As for the Angels themselves, Cameron Diaz plays the role of the goofball character quite well, but really...god dammit, she becomes less and less attractive every day. Drew Barrymore is cute and plays her part okay, but jesus her line delivery is pretty bad during some more fast paced scenes. Lucy Liu...oh sweet Lucy Liu. Despite the fact that some people think she looks like two people wacked her on either side of her head simultaniously with 2x4s, fuck she's hot in this movie. She plays her part perfectly, and is probably the most convicing Angel. Bill Murray just fucking rules as usual, and proves once again that he can be funny in anything (that isn't Larger Than Life).
Overall, Charlie's Angels is a decent movie going experience. Anybody going in with an expectation of anything other than silly action fun with lots of breasts and wiggling asses is out of their minds, and while some parts of the movie still make you want to scream out in pain, the majority of the film is highly watchable, sheerly for the insanity factor. I still dislike McG's directing style, and unfortunately, now that this movie will be big (and fucking A it will be), Hollywood will most likely be handing him more scripts. Oh well...even Spike Jonze had to start somewhere...(not that this mook is anywhere near as brilliant as Spike Jonze). -
I believe that Harry was being serious and sincere in his review. I think he really is that obsessed with Cameron Diaz's ass, and he just can't control himself. I don't think he was doing any schtick or just being weird for the hell of it, as he's been prone to do in the past. I believe this, because I'm the stupidest fucking person that ever lived.
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Nov 03, 2000 7:25:03 AM CST
Thanks for the insightful review, Harry (sh'ya, right)
by robin goodfellow
Listen, big guy, I have always given you the utmost respect and never been one to make opportunist jokes about you. But listen: this review was bloody awful. I know it reflects the point of refrence you were in when watching the film, but come on, man! This was juvenille beyond belief! When I saw the link I was thinking to myself -- "Oh, so Harry's reviewed 'Charlie's Angels'? Well, lemme see if he has any insight into the movie." This review might as well have been written by that Mc Wizard Prickhead guy who did that "Little Nicky" review a little bit back. Both are awful and reflect everything bad that this site can be. Think, Harry: If some idiot bastard sent in a review for "Charlie's Angels" even halfway resembling your childish ass-rant, would you even consider posting that tripe for all to see? I'd hope your answer would be no. Ok, big guy, take it easy. And, listen, have a good weekend and next time think about what you write before you put it up on the page.
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Now I know why Ebert kicked Harry off his show, reviews like these. Can you imagine harry reviewing this on Eberts show? Ebert: This is a great popcorn flick with lots of action and adventure, Harry: Swirling Ass! SWIRLING ASS! foams at the mouth and must me resusitated with Milk Duds and Butterfingers.
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Well, between Crispin Glover's performance (gee, can ya tell I'm a fan of this quirky guy? :-) and the newly-patented Swirling Ass (tm), I guess I'm gonna have to catch this one. I'll admit, the previews don't look half-bad, and the reviews/buzz seems to be damn good. Looks like a good, mindless fun time at the ol' cinema. I shall grab Lorraine and borrow Marty's 4x4, then head out to see this puppy...McFly<--
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Am I the only one who saw the trailer with Cameron shakeing her groove thing?
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Great review Harry! It was hilarious yet insightful. To the people that dissed Harry... WTF? I'm assuming most of you are guys, I'm also assuming most of you like women. Then what's with all the bitching... oh Harry your review make me sick blablabla. Goddamn it talking about camera angles won't make me go see a movie, special effects and plenty of T and A will. So all you can return to your nerderies secretly hate and curse about what makes life worth living... Swirling Asses. Us warm blooded, horny individuals who know a nice piece of ass when they see one will enjoy every second of Cameron Diaz's... assets.
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Nov 03, 2000 10:14:54 AM CST
... a swirling Diaz butt still doesn't hold a candle to Fawcett-
by riskebiz
Maybe it holds a candle to Tanya Roberts though. Definitely Shelley Hack. Possibly close to Cheryl Ladd ... nah.
Diaz, Liu and Barrymore are just not circa 1970's Angels pretty. I'd recast Liu and Barrymore and leave Diaz in the Kate Jackson role. That's about her speed as far as looks go. -
Has Harry just realized he has a penis? Whats with all this sex talk thats suddenly spewing from his cakehole? I just get this horrible image with Fat Bastard and Cameron Diaz; with "GET IN MY BELLY!" "I'm DAMN SEXXXY!" reverberating off the walls in my head. Harry man, keep those thoughts to yourself for your own good.
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I know the "Swirling Ass" review is a bit much but I'd take that anyday over 1 of Roger Ebert's reviews. The guy doesn't his ass from a hole in the ground and seems to be getting worse with age. He didn't like Gladiator, Erin Brockovich, X-men and now Charlie's Angels (the best fun movie I've seen since X-men). If you look at his reviews, he picks apart the most insignificant details like how women look(Charlie's Angels and Brockovich) or that Gladiator had bad fx in 2 scenes. While a movie with great fx and no story like The Cell, he gives 4 stars to. That's why I come here or to Joblo for any reviews I'm looking for. Roger Ebert, you're a joke!!!
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My god is that girl white!!!!
Did anyone else laugh at just how unnatural that ass shaking looked, she probably practiced for hours. -
who is rainbeaux smith? as for thos who didn't think harry's review was serious or informative enough, it fits perfectly with a movie that is totally unserious and only wants to communicate that attractive women are sex(not very profond but totally accurate). Anyway, who's rainbeaux smith?
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...... and I'll say it again... Cameron Diaz is an UGLY BITCH. I'm sorry her face looks like a monkey or something. The other two I don't mind. In fact, it would be Ms. Liu I'd prefer, anyway.
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And I agree with what that guy said earlier: Cameron Diaz has no ass anyway. WHy the hell do you think they fit in those Spider-Man PJ's?? YEAH BABY ANOREXIA ALL THE WAY. It's interesting that you brought up the obesity thing, Harry, but many many more junior high school girls have come up with barfing up their lunches and starving themselves before.
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Cameron Diaz swirls her ass in the movie? Could you go into more detail?
Harry, you're an ass. -
I liked Harry's review just fine. It's was an effusive review that attempts to overwhelm the reader with more "swirling ass" and "soft valley of joy" than the reader knew what to do with... just as the movie apparently tried to do. Harry didn't just *tell* the reader that the movie was "shameless in its sheer energy level"; he also tried to *show* the reader by mirroring that energy level (and swirling-ass level) in the pace and content of his review. I think he succeeded. If I were an English teacher I would show this review to my class as an example of using tone to communicate. Anyhow, I enjoyed Harry's review because it was geeky and fun. Why would I read aintitcool.com if all I wanted were sedate, pedantic reviews? I can read those kinds of reviews *anywhere*. Only Harry has the "shamelessness" to just write whatever pops into his mind. Why would you people want to squash Harry's individuality and turn him into another robotic reviewer?
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Nov 03, 2000 11:50:21 AM CST
That review will sure raise respect for AICN to all-time high
by fatal discharge
... Is this the type of thing you'll be doing on the planned tv show ? Talk about the dumbing down of America. It's now been made official, AICN should stick to rumors, early buzz and test screenings and not inflict on us the ravings of hormonally-unbalanced teenager minds in non-teenager bodies. Maybe it was the Playboy mansion visit that raised the level of testosterone to swamp Harry's brain. Anyway, I know what people offer as an excuse .... "but AICN is a rebel site and doesn't conform to boring establishment reviews", but please - I feel filthy from just having read that review and have at least one smidgen of self-respect and not write every thought that your dick puts into your head.
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This is going to be long as I can make it, and will probably be deleted, but I need to say this.
Harry, you seem all right some of the time, and then you post shite like this. What kind of review was that? Look, I know it's Charlie's Angels, and I know it's just supposed to be fun and all the guys are supposed to get off on seeing those three girls and that 'swirling ass' (perhaps the most notable image in the trailer), but did you really have to post a review like that?
It's why 'geeks' get a bad name, and I'm sure Ms. Diaz is just thrilled that some movie reviewer with a laptop totally dug her swirling ass (basically you could have been far more respectful).
I'm looking forward to seeing the movie myself, because that second trailer actually made me smile, but look, Harry; if you're review is going to be totally based on the ass of one of the female costars, don't put the damned thing up. It's tactless, and pathetic, and stupid.
And stop whining about your life, your untucked sheets and your backing out of a flight to Hawaii because you just had certain ethics.
Get over yourself, and get on with a decent review. You have put them up; Matrix, Sixth Sense.
Charlie's Angels isn't supposed to be on the level of either of them, but then, at the same time, it is; it's supposed to be a place to go to get away from life for a while, to immerse yourself in a story on which reality has no bearing. The best of movies play to fun and story, and Charlie's Angels just might be up there if it can make you forget about things for a while.
And finally, just delete the dweebs who seem so damned proud to be first.
This could be a great site, Harry. As it stands, it's got potential, but potential is only unfulfilled greatness.
That's my two cents. Enjoy the movies, folks. -
Many readers objected to the high swirling-ass content of the review and therefore concluded that the review had nothing to say. These readers are "review snobs" who remind me of movie snobs who, for decades, could not appreciate the deeper qualities of westerns, action movies, martial arts movies, etc. until it became fashionable to do so. Harry's review seems pretty thorough to me. Harry identified "swirling ass" as best representing the quirky and fun nature of the movie. He said the movie is one of the best Comic Book-styled films. He applauded the pacing and editing and angles of the action scenes. Those are insights. For this type of movie, I don't know what other (e.g., more highbrowed) insights would be better or more important.
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anyone ever notice that her facial profile kinda looks like Eric Stoltz in MASK? hmph... talk amongst yourselves...
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Nov 03, 2000 12:09:20 PM CST
My penis is holding me hostage, forcing me to see this movie.
by phreeform
I have absolutely no choice in the matter. Same thing happened with "Woman On Top". I wish I could argue, but right now it controls 90% of my blood supply...
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damn seems likes lots of peeps are dissing you for that review Harry....don't worry, i understand the old tongue-in-cheek action......get it??? swirling asses are all good, and swirling asses that belong to fine women are the bee's knees!!!!! still, i can see both scenes in the trailer, so i'll skip this flick.
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Nov 03, 2000 12:13:53 PM CST
Goddamn, this is why I love AICN... Harry deals it straight.
by darkwing duck
Is T and A the most important point in this movie? Hell yes. And what's second important? Cool fight scenes. And what's third important? Bill Murray. Everything else comes dead last. Roger Ebert, while a smart fellow that I respect, is the wrong guy to go to for a review. He probably hasn't popped wood in a decade, and is therefore NOT the target audience of this flick. Notice I call this a "flick", not a "film" and definately not "art". This is cheese, high style cheese. You either like it, or you don't.
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i click on here for a review + all i get is harry's spank-a-thon about diaz's ass!first of all, i've seen baboon's dragging more wagon than camron.that girl has the flattest ass, + she's half cuban!!!two, the point of a review is to do just that.was it good?(i ask this even though anyone with half of a brain knows that mcg has delievered us a colorful peice of shit.*sigh*whats the use?
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at this review!! What's wrong with all of you - did you lose your senses of humor?? This is the PERFECT type of review for this type of movie. Rock on, oh Large One!
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Nov 03, 2000 12:39:36 PM CST
Yes Harry, You showed them folks at Sony that your silence cant
by clubberlang
And did you butter your own popcorn?
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These three women are all about T&A in this movie. It's a bimbo movie based on a bimbo t.v. show. Diaz' ass is exactly what will draw teenage boys to repeated viewings, and WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED? This crap/hack director has only done lame music videos for lame bands. These three read the ridiculous script and knew what they were in for, so please don't stand up on any of their behalfs. Harry is just acting his shoe size, not his age, which is nothing new here people. Crispin Glover is going to kick ass in this film. I really hope he gets more work after this. Part of my reason for wanting to see this was the newest trailer brought flashbacks of my youth watching cheezy Wonder Woman with Linda Carter and thinking that she was the most kick-ass woman ever. Let the women have fun being explotational and just get over it. I expect many of you to be hailing Diaz' ass come Monday. And who cares if she's got "back" -- she's cute, she's charming, and she's having fun which is obviously the whole point of this excersize.
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Let's start by saying that Charlie's Angels is a hard movie to defend. The direction is awful; it had bad acting, a substandard script, and the action sequences where a pale imitation of John Woo - the old adage that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery doesn't hold up here. But somehow this incredible mess of a movie manages to turn into 90-minutes of clean, kitschy, cheesy fun.
You can check out the full review at my site, EclipseMagazine.com and as of Monday, Win Gladiator DVD -
How can you mention silent villains without mentioning Bill McKinney's performance as the Assassin/The Waiter in The Parallax View...his performance is in there with Crispin Glover's as well
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drool drool drool........I saw that thing on the commercial and the image has stuck in my head.....Cameron just looks like she is having so much fun in those little underoos!!.........drool drool drool......
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Nov 03, 2000 3:04:34 PM CST
I want a movie review not her ass. Not that I wouldn't mind
by demonicmurray
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I don't believe this shit. I'll be the first to admit that Harry isn't the best critic out there, mostly because he has a tendency to love EVERYTHING. Unfortunatly, as someone who commands a near encycolpedic knowledge of film history, Harry is always comparing this movie or that to classic films when such praise isn't warranted(Crispin Glover and Oddjob? Really). I was really pulling for the big lug, cuz he was doin so well. I mean he was starting to write actual semi-intelligent, literate, thoughtful CRITIQUES of some of this year's best movies(Requiem For A Dream, Traffic, Shadow of the Vampire, Almost Famous)but then he publishes this GARBAGE and all that hard-earned credibility goes right out the window. Please don't do this! This is almost as bad, maybe worse than when you gushed over Toy Story 2 last year(a fine film, but not even close to best film of 1999). It's this awful crap that gives us geeks a bad name! Take a cold shower, and get back to writing intelligent reveiws, because you can do it if you really try.
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okaaay. i wish they had the male equivelant of this somewhere! heehee
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Sir Mix-A-Lot did Baby Got Back. Shock G from Digital Underground portrayed Humpty during songs like Dowhatchalike, off their hit album Sex Packets. It is okay though Harry. Sometimes ass begets ass.
PsimonSez -
So she has a nice ass. Big fucking deal. I love your site, Harry, but all that ass-talkin is just creepy.
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I need you help! Does anyone know whose song that was in Charlie's Angels when the bad guys building near the ocean was first revealed and the main bad guy started to dance. It sounded like Godzilla music or something. If anyone knows where it came from please post the name for me. Thanks in advance.
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For those of you sick of reading about "The magic of Cameron Diaz's ass" I offer the following: This weekend I was watching TV with a group of women and an ad for this movie came on. The reaction from the room was "Cameron Diaz, I can't stand her!" "Barrymore is worse, I can never see her without wanting to slap her" "Lucy Liu is a whore, she'll fuck anybody who can get her name in the papers" "Look at that slutty outfit" "Barrymore is a crack whore" "Diaz is a skank" "Yeah, right, martial arts in four inch heels" "I'd like to see Michelle Yeoh kick their overpaid butts" "Yeah, that'd be worth $8!"
These women are planning to rent the video the moment it comes out, and hold a "Mystery Catfest Theater 3000". -
Cameron Diaz and her swirling ass?
Mr. Knowles, one can only come to the conclusion that that your balls are turning a deep, deep, cobalt. And didn't you just attend one of Hef's little soirees? You know, Harry, there's an old saying, "If you can't get laid at the Playboy Mansion - you can't get laid." -
in your favorite films. Was it the car chase in To Live and Die in LA, the casino sequence in Run Lola Run, the Dennis Hopper/Christopher Walken showdown in True Romance, the truck splat in Bride of Chucky or the final escape in The Shawshank Redemption? All great moments, and all ultra-cool, film-geek memories that burn in our minds long after the Film Comment style, serious review of the film has faded from our minds.
Cut Harry a little slack. Cameron Diaz's swirling ass will stay in my mind as clear as her being felt up by Matt Dillon in Mary's credits.
For all you critical of Harry's review, try to pinpoint the moment you stopped being a gleeful, geeky movie fan and turned into a spiteful, jealous, acid-tongued film critic. Step into the DeLorean and go back... it's not too late. I'd like to see you there. I'll be hangin' with George McFly.
Wistfully
Fabio. -
Hey 6of24 - stop hanging out with jealous dykes and you won't hear that trash - although the catfight sounds interesting. . . . . AS FOR YOU FREAKS - YOU'RE IN a Charlie's Angels discussion, and all you can do is think about Harry's balls, or his lack of sex, or imagine his auto-erotic actions at the theater? What the hell!!!!! Helloooo McFly ..... BOTTOM LINE - The movie rocked. Fun. Not oscar of course, but fun and interesting. The fights were the kind I'd have created back in the 70's when I watched this show. Glover was perfect. Those that disagree can hang with that MORON mike clarke and his review, because, like you, he just didnt get it.
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Yes, that's right, the stupidest fucking person ever to live in the history of creation. That's me. I think Harry was being "creepy" with this review. I think this review will disparage AICN in the eyes of people who already like it. I also think HARRY is OBESE so much that I have fixated myself on him. I think Harry should get a real job, because even though he makes a pretty damned good living running this site, he needs the real life experience to be gained at a REAL job, like mine. I was once a wayward child, like Harry, but now I have direction. Now in just my third year of working for McDonald's I run my own store! My District Manager he says he's never seen someone advance from fry-cook post so quickly, and that I have "real potential." Not only that, but I've managed to drop from 360 to 287 lbs. unlike that fatass Harry! I have a full, and rich life. My girlfriend is only my cousin through marriage, and just 4 1/2 years younger than me. When I graduate High School in a few months, I'm gonna marry that girl. Harry doesn't even have a girlfriend. My life is so full, and rich. I'm...I'm just so happy!
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I can't believe how controversial Harry's review managed to be. The guy's simply discussing a reason why he's so passionate about this film. Cameron's ass was an inspiring and memorable moment for him? What problem could you guys possibly have with that? Personally, having been underwhelmed by the movie, I'm a little surprised that so many critics are claiming to enjoy it. But whatever, if ass swirling makes people passionate, more power to them.
Maniac-Cop -
Chill out. I'm blown away by bottomless pit of rage on these talkbacks. If Harry didn't have this sight none of you would have anywhere to spew your venom. But he does, so sadly Harry has to take shit like "Harry's a fat fuck", or, "Harry's an obese bastard that needs to get a job" from every scumsucking fanboy with a keyboard and a modem. FUCK YOU.
HARRY GIVES US A FORUM, AND YOU ALL THANK HIM BY ATTACKING HIS WAISTLINE AND AIMING TO DESTROY HIS SELF-ESTEEM. If you think he's so "bloated" and such a loser then do us all a favor, go
to DarkHorizons or read Entertainment Weekly, I hear they've got a great interview with Will and Grace this month. AND FURTHERMORE -
ANY OF YOU WHO CALL HARRY A "PERV" FOR WORSHIPPING THE SWIRLING ASS ARE BORDERLINE HOMOSEXUALS. I say this not as an insult - I have nothing against gay people. I'm simply saying that anybody who considers Harry "perverted" or "sick" for basically spilling his wet dream guts for us should seriously re-evaluate their stance as a heterosexual male. Don't even dare tell me you haven't ever had similar thoughts. If it is "perverted" to worship ass or pop wood for anything in the vicinity of ass or female body parts in general, then I guess I'm a pervert too. I guess I'm "sick". I guess frothing at the mouth about a chick means I'm a deviant or weird and am obviously not a normal heterosexual male, because chick's asses are BAD, right? And it's not normal to like them. Self-rightous pricks. You should all turn in your dicks at the door and enter a fucking monestary, or at least do us the favor of moving over to another side of the planet so us "sick, perverted" guys can continue to talk about girls with the rest of the heterosexual population. I've never been so blown away by such a ridiculous display of puritanism since I saw "The Crucible". IF THINKING ABOUT SEX OR BEING EXCITED ABOUT SEX OR A FEMALE BODY PART IS SICK, THEN I GUESS YOU'D ALL BETTER MOVE TO AFGHANISTAN, WHERE A WOMAN CAN'T REVEAL ANY PART OF HER BODY IN PUBLIC. AT LEAST THEN YOU WON'T BE EXPOSED TO SUCH "PERVERSION", BECAUSE SEX IS WRONG AND DEVIANT. Sweet fucking christ, I'm done. And by the way, Top Gun is very dumb and is also the most homoerotic mainstream film ever released. Thank you. I'd say more but Quetzalcoatl says it much better with less words. Keep it real, bitches. -
With the Cell phone?
Even if it wasn't (and I kind of doubt it was) let's say it was. It's a good rumor.
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Did this movie remind you of Giant Robo the super cool anime? It sure did to me. In Fact McG looks like her ripped off the character of Crispin Glover's the thin man from Giant Robo's villains.
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I purposely went into this moving reading no reviews and only watching a couple popular tv series episodes of Charlie's Angles. The real tv show has it's funny momments and is mostly serious dramatic bad acting. The film however was campy as all hell that you tried so hard to laugh at the puns when they were so stupid you couldn't, not to mention the fight scenes that rip off matrix were so lame. The good things of this film were the great actors with great chemistry... bottom line a horribly written and edited piece of shit. If Diaz's swirling ass is the only thing Harry writes in a review then you know the film has not that much going for it. The first 5 mins of the film however set the stage for a total campy movie with fight scenes that kept me covering my eyes and thinking "..my god could they have at least trained a little more, they look so skillless". I mean at least the Matrix cast looked like they are fluent in martial arts. I'm a hong kong fanatic and collector of greats like jet li and jacki... the fight scenes left me feeling they looked kinda skilless without the wires and not intimidating. Instead looking so silly that you'd think they were making fun of kung fu action genre. If they were striving for great kung fu they needed to train a lil more like the Matrix actors if they were going for something cliche'. This movie will be a fav for the kids but kung fu and most adults will leave feeling disapointed... however the only good thing this film has WAS a swirling ass so mabye Harry only talking about that part for the whole review was what it was summed up. Man I can't sleep now after seeing this horrible shitty film... I really hope Crouching Tiger is awesome now... I don't want to wait after seeing this crap. ARGHHHHH.... I'm sure John Woo and Yuen Woo Ping are looking at this film and going "What in the FUKING hell is McG thinking?!?!?!?"
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I just can't believe all of the negative and hostile remarks I am reading here. So you didn't like it. I can't imagine that any of the negative posters have had much experience making movies. Why on earth would you attack McG for being a commericial and music video director? How do you think most directors get their foot in the door? If any of you negative posters think you can possibly direct a better movie I will be the first to slap my eight dollars down, but I highly doubt you ever do little more than put people down.
We are so lucky to have so much quality entertainment to choose from and even luckier to have this site to learn from others and discuss what many of us love most, and that is the art of motion pictures. How dare any of you attack Harry for his views or his appearance. He built this site out of very little because of his passion for movies and you jealous little bitches spend your free time tearing it, and him down. AT LEAST HE IS DOING SOMETING CREATIVE! I am pretty sure most of you negative posters are disgruntled wannabe film makers. Stop wasting so much time on the internet putting things down and make your own movie or contribute something POSITIVE to the world.
I look forward to the day when I can come to this site and read about all of the things people LIKED about something rather than reading about how people hate something, especially something they HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN!
Maybe I am an idiot for enjoying "Charlie's Angels", but I am a happy idiot who can appreciate something without judging it harshly because it wasn't something else.
To all of the people who who appreciate this site and liked the movie despite it being a little silly, I am very glad that you people are out there. Life is way too short to be stuck in such a venomous niche.
You spoiled little brats don't know how lucky you are to have so many choices. -
Every guy in Ameica should see this. I hated to movie but you need to rent it so you can replay Camerans ass over and over again and fast forward through the lovy dovy stuff.
By the way the best person in the movie was Bill so there. -
You got eight dollars to lay down? I can make a movie for that. I dunno if it will be better/worse than Charlies Angels - not having seen it - but one thig is abundantly clear from McG's promo work: he is a talented stylist. So, though his film may fail to resonate on any meaningful level, and may fail even to be stylish, it will at least be stylised precisely, cleanly and seductively. Which is, at least, something. So, if you can tempt me with some kind of distrubition deal - even something as slight as a party round at Harry's gaff with my flick premiered on his doubtlessly expensive and expansive box - then I'll see what I can do about that $8 budget movie... And don't worry, I'll make it a genre piece and toss in a McG homage too.
connellybrendon@hotmail.com with your tempting distribution offers... -
This ass is our hope for the future. All of you other freaks need to lighten up.
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Harry, I would like to play a little game with you. It will require you to see "Charlie's Angels" again. The game is actually fun. You will enjoy playing it.
The game is watch "Charlie's Angels" and try to find the scenes where the movie rips off the following films: "The Matrix," "Mission: Impossible," "True Lies" and every Jackie Chan movie. Post your answers and I will tell you if you're right.
On another note, I do agree with your opinion's on Cameron Diaz. I do love the ass shaking scene at the beginning of the movie. How could you not love that.
Also, what the hell is Matt LaBlanc doing in this movie. He is the worst actor I have seen since Madonna. What am I doing wrong?
Despite the fact that the movie throws logic out the window and rips off countless better movies. "Charlie's Angels" is worth seeing just for pure escapist entertainment. On that point alone, I recommend it.
One final note about the character Crispin Glover plays in the movie. He gets kicked in the face about two-dozen times and does not suffer any kind of facial injury. Not a scratch. Wow! -
There's a rap song in Charlie's Angels that I can't seem to place...
It's when the camera pans up from the sea to Knox's hideout (where he's holding Bosley) and it sounds at first like bad suspense music...Then it turns into a rap song, that Knox dances to for like 2 seconds...Can you help me out with the name of this song please? Via E-Mail or here...
Thanks,
-Jon -
what a disgusting display. an ejaculation of dough?! this piece reads like one of the letters in "leg show".
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Excellent, excellent defense. I do have to wonder why so many people come to the site and post on the talkbacks if they hate Harry sooooo much.
I don't know if I'll see the film, I'm kinda middling on it, but there's nothing wrong with appreciating a beautiful woman's posterior. -
This movie was pure bubble gum and just about as nutritious, but it's darn good bubble gum. Unlike Mission Impossible 2, this movie knows it's ludicrous and has a blast being as ludicrous as it wants to be. You'd think after writing Beyond The Valley of the Dolls Ebert would understand the value of three hot, jiggling chicks kicking ass.
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As a woman, I could have been completly offended by Harry's exuberant review . . .but I wasn't. I thought it was hysterical. His gushing reminded me of what a geek fan-boy he is, and that's what I love about the guy. Just try to keep the drooling about Ms. Diaz's ass down to a minimum in the future.
I also agree with his assesment of Crispin Glover (Thin Man) in this flick. He just rocked the house! I never thought George McFly could kick so much ass. That alone was enough to get me to see the movie twice this weekend. And this is one chick who really wanted to hate Charlie's Angels.
It was just a fun movie from start to finish. I haven't had that much since I saw X-Men this summer. There is nothing wrong with that. Everyone in a while seeing a fun movie is OK. This movie made me want to be an Angel, and I'm a grown woman. Any film that can inspire that kind of giddiness in a cynical gril like me deserves praise. Personally, I can't wait for a sequel. -
Charlie's Angels was a lot of fun. Beautiful babes, kung-fu and lots a 80's tunes... what more do you need? It's been a great year for fun flicks starring women- first "Bring It On!" now "Charlie's Angels." The cast looked like they were having a great time. I agreed with the no-guns policy, there would've been too much John Woo two-handed firing. Drew Barrymore, whom I usually find annoying, was sassy and cute; Cameron Diaz, the funky white girl who's not afraid to make fun of herself and throws one helluva wicked TKD inside-out crescent kick; and Lucy Liu so-damned saucy without being a bitch! Fox needs to get their head out of their ass and cast Lucy Liu as Yuriko(?) and Shaq as Broken Tusk in "Aliens versus Predator!" All-in-all, an entertaining flick, worth the full price! One more thing-GET OFF YOUR ASS AND VOTE TUESDAY! GORE/LIEBERMAN!!!
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Nov 05, 2000 4:22:18 AM CST
Oh God, this is why I don't read Harry's reviews any more...
by jackburton
But I was curious as to what he thought this time, but surprise surprise, once again we don't get a review as such, instead we get the deluded rantings of a hairy palmed fanboy that has nothing better to say about the film than Cameron Diaz has a magic ass. Truly pathetic. I mean as if the bullshit life stories and preamble on the site isn't bad enough, we also have to put up with this horseshit just to try and find out about the new movies that we want to know about. It aint cool, it aint cool at all.
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First of all I'd like to start off by saying that The Matrix was the movie that changed the whole action movie genre. It was the film that brough action to the the next level and because of this, action movies are living up to that kind of intense standard. Anyways, the fight choreography in Charlie's Angels was done by Cheung-Yan Yuen and his Hong Kong kung fu stunt team along with Daxing Zhang. Cheung-Yan Yuen had a role in Fist of Legend, directed by the man himself Yeun Woo Ping, who also choreographed martial arts sequences in The Matrix. And because of this, American filmmakers have been looking for stunt teams in Hong Kong to assist them in creating the illusion that the actors (keanue reeves, tom cruise, cameron diaz, drew barrymoe, and lucy liu, etc.) are born with the skill of martial arts. I think they've done a very good job with this. Examples of Hong Kong stunt teams brough to Hollywood would include of course The Matrix, Lethal Weapon 4, Romeo Must Die, MI-2 (not really, more like just importing the balletic gunplay), X-Men, and Charlie's Angels. Thats all I can think of. But thank god for Joel Silver and the Wachowski brothers for making that phone call to Yuen Woo Ping and hence inspiring all the other filmmakers to do the same, hence bringing the action in their films to the next level. Darth Rage out.....YEEHAW!!!!
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I liked Harry's review. Is he trying to be too much of a geek cause everyone dissed him on the Playboy thing? I don't think so. He IS that much of a geek. And that's why we love him. Go Harry! First this review that's all about Daiz'z ass, then turning down a trip to Hawaii...now if he would just put up a link to the trailer of my movie I'd have my faith completely restored. Kidding. My belief is Harry has not sold out. He's still out there for us and his site is one of the best. Anyway, my site is www.cutterthemovie.com . It's a movie I made and we're talking to distributors about. We're also on the festival circuit. It's a movie about lawn mowing. It's a comedy. Download the trailer.
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Harry, I saw this movie tonight, and I'm still grinning!
I didn't really know what to expect, going into it. I had just seen a couple of previews and decided to give it a chance.
What a pleasant surprise it was! This movie kicked ass! I wanted to stand up and cheer when it was over!
As my boyfriend put it, is was the perfect cross between Austin Powers, and the Matrix! :)
There are so many scenes that I loved, but I won't get into that. I will say though, that my favorite line in the movie was at the party. When Lucy told Cameron to " Just twirl your god damn hair! "
Lucy, Cameron, and Drew were all wonderful, and played the roles perfectly. As a little girl I wanted to be one of Charlie's Angels, and after seeing this movie I realize I still do! :)
If you want to have a good time, go see this movie for yourself everybody. Don't let any stick in the mud tell you it sucks!
This Movie Kicks Some Serious Ass! -
So, apparently, Lucy Liu's "thing" is to have a big martial-arts fight scene in an old western church where the bell falls out of the bell-tower at people fighting."
That's going to be a bit harder to work into every movie than saying "I'll be back!" -
That review literally made me laugh out loud. Which doesn't happen very often when reading reviews which are usually like this...
1. name the director and stars.
2. tell the entire story (who gives a shit! why does every review consist of this... if you want to get the story go to the damn movie theater)
3. say a couple of sentences about the individual performances or something about the movie you disliked or hated.
4. THE END.
so maybe he needs to get laid WHATEVER. have a sense of humor. It's a clever and funny way of approaching a review for a movie that's clearly not meant to be critiqued in any rationale way !!! And reviews SHOULD be about the viewers response. That's the honest way to approach reviews anyway because that's what they really are in the end.
I love when people get giddy and silly about movies AND can explain it. Try really explaining a visceral reaction to a screen image (mine's anything to do with Pfeiffer) and you'll see how difficult it is and you won't be so quick to verbally abuse Harry.
Funny review! I hate Cameron Diaz (excepting her fine work in Being John Malkovich) but this almost made me want to see the movie. More movie stars should lighten up about their sexuality onscreen. Hello! -they wouldn't get the jobs if people didn't like looking at them in the dark theater.
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Man this was a fun movie!!!
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I dunno why so many people are complaining cuz quite frankly that was a damn hilarious review.The thought of harry sitting there hypnotized by cameron diaz's swirling ass makes me crack up.Good review harry besides the fact that u got your old school rappers mixed up.
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Judging from Harry's review, it will be a long time until he could get laid again. If all of you ass-swirling fans want to see bodacious babes with heavenly T&A's, then rent a porno movie. At least there you can see the girls go all the way and be hypnotized not only by their asses but by the whole package without the mindless plot. Harry should do the same, that is as close as he could get to getting laid again.
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I agree with Harry 100% this film is tons of fun, and tons of tits and ass
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Y'know, it just strikes me as funny how thousands of people come to this site every day, read Harry's beaming reviews of what some may consider trash movies, tell him to grow up/lose weight/write more intelligent reviews/stop being so obsessive/shut up about his personal life/quit loving EVERYTHING so much/etc... and then come back the next day and the next day and repeat the process over and over.
Did you ever stop to wonder that, just maybe, Harry gives less than a FLYING FUCK about what gets said in these TalkBacks? I can just see him now: sitting there, box of Twinkies in hand, laughing his ass off while you dumb fucks fall over yourselves trying to insult him and each other. Then he just closes all that shit, open us Word and writes another oozy saccharine review of his favorite T&A flick just to see how many of you motherfuckers he can piss off.
So, in conclusion, you rock, Harry. Kudos to you for slapping the masses around and not giving a damn what they have to say about it. -
Miss Diaz has the distinction of looking like an emaciated transvestite on crack. Her bony ass swirling was the saddest thing I've seen since Calista Flockhart's much publicized anorexia scare. Lucy Liu is crosseyed but glamorous & Drew is just plain unnactractive w/ her dieshevelled hair & bad lisp.
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harry how many times have you stroked thinking about diaz's ass since seeing the movie, i'd guess at least 20 times
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Cameron Diaz has taken out a restraining order against you.
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Ever notice how Harry obssesses on Cameron Diaz's boyishly flat concave ass? I guess this is the charm of Diaz. To be an actual girl that is built like a 12 year old boy. This just proves that most people that don't get laid, often fantasize about women that aren't built "womanly". Cameron Diaz hasn't been pretty in a long time. she has a cute face but her scrawny body, long arms and legs are most hideous. Give me Jennifer Lopez's ass ANYTIME!!!
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After having seen the movie,
I have to say that Harry is absolutely correct in picking the most salient point of the movie.
It was CD's butt.
What i dont understand is how the rest of you guys (who've seen the movie) don't understand just how keen harry's preception is.
And as for him dedicating an entire review to her butt. I think this is not only appropriate, but shows how blind the rest of you are -
Us Matrix fans know where McG got his influences from hehehehe, but nevertheless Charlies Angels is pure entertainment and sounds really great!
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Ahhh . . . Charlie's Angels . . . Those words evoke images of the halcyon days of my youth and all the prepubescent, would be, sexual fantasies that this television series caused to bloom in my innocent, young heart. I can recall clearly how enraptured I was at every new episode. How I longed for the camera to move away from Kate Jackson to settle on Jaclyn Smith or . . . be still my young heart . . . that flaxen haired goddess of the picture tube -- Farrah Fawcett. Not only was she beautiful but she was married to the Six Million Dollar man! How, I wondered, could a woman be any cooler than that? I even remembered the day I came home from school to find, what seemed like to me at the time, a life sized poster of the hottest of all angels gracing the wall of my bedroom ( a gift from my mother if you can believe that). There she was, her sienna or coral or whatever near indescribable 70's colored, one piece swimsuit clinging suggestively to her body; her nipples protruding gracefully; the hemisphere of one of her perfect breasts clearly visible and her golden locks spilling seductively down around the sides of her angelic face as she smiled at you and seemed to stare right through your clothes. Lord, but that picture made my young body feel funny. At the time I didn't know what I would do if I ever got hold of her but I knew it would be something . . . something awesome and naughty that I would probably get grounded for. Years later while washing dishes at a friends cabin I found an old mug that had that self same picture adorning it which inspired this poem:
Farah Fawcett's in my sink,
Its all that I can think about.
Farah Fawcett's in my sink,
Its all that I can think about.
Oh swimsuit godess with feathered hair
gives cause to pause and stop and stare
true beauty laminated on my cup
with soggy thumb, I move the suds
revealing soft and supple buds
within whose image I am swallowed up.
Farah Fawcetts in my sink,
its all that I can think about.
Farah Fawcetts in my sink,
Its all that I can think about.
Though toiling chores I do despise
the naughty gleam within your eyes
makes this task one that I no longer fear
If only you could act and think
beyond your fate to hold my drink,
and hot water could make your swimsuit disappear.
Farah Fawcett's in my sink,
its all that I can think about.
Farah Fawcetts in my sink,
and I cant think of anything else.
So you see, the review posted here that was so intent upon Carmen's swirling ass was appropriate in every way for this movie. A movie that above all else was intent upon recapturing that sizzling, ass swirling, hair feathering sex appeal that was Charlie's Angels the series.
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...is not the only thing which makes this movie more fun than a barrel of monkeys. The very scene Harry drools over -- Cameron Diaz waking up and dancing around in Spidey y-fronts scene -- has returned to make me giggle at least once a day. You don't need to dream of drooling on Diaz's ass to appreciate the humour. Her character's delightful self-confidence would be reminiscent of Sex and the City's Samantha Jones, but her geeky innocence is, as Harry points out (sorry about the pun), remininscent of Marilyn in Some Like It Hot. Diaz is a star because -- in the heart of a mortal woman -- she evokes not envy but sympathy, admiration and glee. Viva la Diaz. Long may Barrymore act and produce.
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you mentioned it Harry, but got old real quick after that. Still, I gotta agree with you... This movie kicked ass, especially the part when the Thin Man did the move through the locked gate! Brilliant!
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This guy did everything that overblown hacks like Michael Bay do well (fast pacing, gorgeous lighting, in your face exhiliration) while dumping their traditionally crap aspects like hyper-fast, epileptic, nonsensical editing. The editing in Charlie's Angels was perfect. Cut around the girls' deficiencies, while still making everything clear (yay action purists!) AND in-your-face (yay adrenaline junkies!). McG's camera angles and just the brilliance of some small moments (when Crispin Glover escapes from the angels into an elevator, the camera zooms in just as the door's closing to show Crispin turn and give a wicked glare. It's soo fucking cool!) show real vision instead of Bay's "shoot everything and hope something cool pops up in the editing room" BS. He did such a good job, it's mind-blowing. If more guys like McG come around, the term "MTV director" won't be considered so derogatory anymore...
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Does anybody know when the sequel to Showgirls is coming out? Oh, it already has.
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Why should us girls see it? Based on your review, I still have no reason to see it. Unless I was a hardcore lesbian.
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I really liked this movie. It choked on it's own cornflakes at times, but the action sequences where so damn cool. Really well done, it get's you pumped. Speaking of pumped, Cameron's swirling ass was o.k., but Drews racecar scene turned my Oscar Mayar weiner into a plumps when you cook'it. I can't wait to get the video and pause it right there and... uh did I say that out loud?
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Admittedly, I've only seen the trailer, but from that, Could any movie possibly want to be The Matrix more than this?? It's just too much, I'm getting less and less impressed with The Matrix every time I watch it and then watch an old Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan movie.. The kind of slo-mo wirefu "action" on display in the Charlie's Angels trailer just don't do it for me anymore, and not even the Mighty Ass of ms Diaz can save them.
Bah, Humbug. -
The hip hop track near the end is called "Simon Says" by Pharoah Monch. Monch is one of the best damn MCs going right now. Everyone who likes real hip hop should check his shit out.
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AND I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I am at a shudder even imagining reading it twice. Brrr... This is right up there with Harry's review of Godzilla and Blair Witch and Phantam Menace. Oh, my GOD!!
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If you would want a slightlu less horney review go here www.wheeldealreview.com
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Eh...it was decent. Some of the action was cool...most of if a copy of MATRIX type stuff and the dialouge was kinda dumb...but I'm sure it was intended that way...all in all...it was a decent mindless action movie...there was one thing that made it rock...Crispin Glover(George McFly from the BACK TO THE FUTURE films) Man was he kicking @$$ or what? He was cool...really enjoyed seeing him fight all three Angels at once.
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Man... isn't Harry allowed to have fun with a review once in a while? I personally loved this movie and can't wait for the DVD release to enjoy the swirling ass of Miss Diaz once again. It was probably the most fun I have had at the movies this year just because it was pure entertainment and nothing that you really had to pay too much attention to. For someone that sees roughly 200 movies in the run of a year, it's a welcome change. Some of you folks need to get down off your high horses and just go out and enjoy a movie for once without analyzing it to death... sheesh... everyone's a critic!
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Great review, Harry!
Your hypnotic repetition of the words Cameron Diaz's Swirling Ass brought first a grimace, then a smirk, then a smile, then howls of laughter from me. I don't think I've ever laughed so much at (with?) a movie review! Even my dog came in from the back yard to see what all the fuss was about.
Now, how to convince my wife to come see this movie ... -
Ok, i havent managed to read all the posts, but i am so relieved to see that some people think there should be more to a movie than a tight arse. As a femeale, i couldnt get past how commercial this movie is - its plot was even more waifish than its stars. Harry cannot be blaimed for purely reviewing Camerons arse since thats all the film was really about. You cant blame the girl - 9 million to wag her butt for about ten minutes solid?? thats easy money but it doesnt help her in the 'take me seriously' stakes. And Drew Barrymore as an angelic sex-goddess?? im no bloke but surely not!! Shes not pretty!!! The film has its amusing moments certainly but its basicaly a popcorn flick that will never stand up to even the mildest scrutiny - unless u get off on wiggly bottoms and shit acting. Why dont u just hire an adult film???
And by the way Harry?? whats going on with the screen??? i have to scroll accross for every sentence - is that the fault of your Mac laptop?? its very irritating.....
xx -
When will I ever learn. When will I ever learn that any...and I MEAN ANY film that has "Roller coaster" in the reviews for the trailers, means that it either sucks ass or is a mediocre unintelligent peice of shite. AKA wait until video. It has its good points, however sadly overshadowed by the overuse of T&A. Good points were, the bad guys of course. Full of style and bad guy depth. Also the plot twist was done well, though foreseeable early in the movie. Action scenes were done very well, although I suppose our exposure to too many "revolutionary" action scenes has spoiled us into expecting something more or original.
However the bad points, blatent use of T&A, the only good part being Lucy Liu's "restructing" act. And the underuse of Bill Murray. Pathetic I don't know what Harry was talking about. He regular comedy was half of what he usually used to, which could be resulted from the small part he had. But still, he would have added much more depth than just a bumbling idiot, with a bumbling idiot with class. -
What's with Lucy Liu's freckles? Was this something I'd missed before when I was up close and personal? She's been hiding something from me, goshdarnit!
Make up? -
How much fun was this film? very! thats your answer...I went to see it in a group of about 10ish and it was such a laugh, I found myself clapping at the end...it was super slick and it gave me such a high..when I came out the cinima I was singing `we wish u a merry christmas` at the top of my voice..
Now i am not trying to say that this is a great film in a sort of `classic` type sense..I am just saying its a great film to go and see with a bunch of people and you WILL have a great time..its that good, honestly....
merry christmas all....... -
Oh yeah, I would like to add that I total agree with SmirkingRevenge...leave poor harry alone, its just a bit off fun.........
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did anyone else sing to the blink 182 song at the end? I have never heard such a cheesey american song in all my life but I felt I had to sing...anyone else feel this way...no? oh, I`ll get my coat.
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To SithMasterBB,
What is wrong with you? Don't you understand that Harry's constant comments on Ms.Diaz's ass were an atempts at humor? Now wether you found them amusing or not is a different question but just because you dont find a joke funny does not give you the right to give out that sort of abuse to somebody whom I am guessing you have not met.
As for your critisisms of the film, I do not agree with them but you are intitled to your own opinion but I must say that I thought this film was one of the best films I have seen in years. It was a total sit back, relax and enjoy the ride type of film and really good 4 watching with a group of friends and may I ask why you included a comment on the acting in this film? It is a film that was quit obviously not to be taken seriously and so why waist your time acting at your best when you know no normal person would care and would you please tell me what time Drew got a chance to act at all..the whole time she was fighting a large group of men or jumoing out windows while basicly naked so how can you demonstate your acting ability on this sort of film? I am sure you will post this time filled with abuse at me instead of harry this time, I look forward to it,
Mr.Duck -
but still the best movie I have seen in awhile.
Did it strike you as funny that Bill murray only really was funny in those brief moments with Tim Curry?
Does anyone want a massage from Lucy Liu? Man, I'd kill for a knockout massage like that. Still, it seems anytime there is a massage scene, an Asian actress is usually preforming. It might have benn a change of pace for Cameron to be the masseuse. Drew could've, but she DID look a bit weighty.
Crispin Glover should have indeed been nominated for Best Supporting Actor. Most likely, he'll have to settle for the MTV Movie Villian of the Year, a far cry from what he HONESTLY deserved.
When's this coming out on video or DVD? I'd be the first in line when it does come out.
Just ramblin'... -
Mar 08, 2001 10:50:08 PM CST
Harry, you wouldn't know a good ass if it smacked you in the fac
by snaps28
I hate to be negative, I actually loved the movie, but I didn't think any of the girls were that good looking at all. Even with all of the makeup and fancy clothes, they just managed to look "cute" and acceptable, but none of them were as gorgeous as I thought the parts called for. Cameron does not have an ass, you're smokin crack, Harry. If you think Cameron has an ass, you would get just as much pleasure looking at a 13 year old boy girate in some underoos. Harry, a sexy ass has a little jiggle, not a lot, but certainly a little - it should be round like an apple, not flat like a pancake. And I'm sorry, but I just don't get the Drew Barrymore thing. Yeah, I guess she's got nice cleavage, but there are plenty of girls that have that (like me). She is not "all that" at all, just your regular plump white girl. Lucy is cute, but as I said, none of them are stunners. But, the movie's good, great action.
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Now, I'm not prone to saying movies are stupid, but Charlie's Angels was just that. Okay? Now, just because it was stupid does not mean it was also funny. Which it was. This movie has basically no redeeming social value, but it is humorous. It also features 3 sexy ladies as its leading roles, which is another plus. Still, it ain't worth purchasing. So, in conclusion, rent, not buy.
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Hi.
I know it's weird writing this review some years after the event.
But anyway.
Regarding Harry's review of Charlie's angels, and some of the comments.
Let me say this straight off. I love Cameron Diaz. When I say I love her, does this mean I think she's the best actress ever, or even that she's the best looking, or has the best body. No, I love her for what she does.
I love her (Okay so maybe saying I love her, is a bit creepy) so I'll change it to; I have a lot of time for her.
She's an actress who isn't as one
reviewer said aftraid to make a fool of herself.
Except you laugh with her at not at her.
I loved the dancing butt (using american expressions here) scene
in the movie.
Did it take hours of practise? Who cares.
Is her posterier worth talking about outside the context of those scenes. You decide.
Harry doesn't talk about the shape of her ass, he talks about what it does in the movie.
I'm sure if it had been Crispin Glovers butt doing all that whirling, he might have a different take on it.
The actress I would associate most with Cameron is the wonderful Carole Lombard. If they ever did a remake (okay another remake) of "Nothing Sacred" then Cameron should play the part of Hazell Flagg, or was it Flag.
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