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MR. MOLLY Slaps QUILLS Around!!
Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
I was working in the Labs earlier tonight when the door was kicked open and a hulking figure moved into the room. Reeking of chicken grease and Busch beer, the imposing MR. MOLLY fixed me with a sort of groggy stare and held out one meaty fist, where there was a crumpled piece of paper that I can only assume started out as white. "I got another review for you, Slim," he growled at me. I suddenly remembered the vicious beating this guy handed me last month when I screwed up his name on the page. I tried not to show any fear as I smiled at him. "Great," I responded, and I reached out to take the review from him. I opened my mouth to ask, "What's the film?" but Mr. Molly seemed to take this as an opportunity to shove the paper into my mouth, grab my face, and push me to the floor. It wasn't until I heard the door slam behind him that I sat up and retrieved the single sheet. QUILLS, eh? I'm a massive Philip Kaufman fan, so I'm certainly intrigued. Let's see what our newest resident psychopath had to say about one of Fox's big Oscar contenders for the year...
QUILLS: Writing Porn with Blood and Feathers
I got to see Philip Kaufman’s newest, Quills, at the William Fox Theater.
Let me say first off I’m a sucker for those “writin’ with feathers” flicks some old-time Hollywood studio head said he hated (might have been Warner, but don’t quote me). Loved Dangerous Liaisons, Ridicule – if they’re writing with feathers and plowing each other under like eight skirts, I’m in.
So I figured Kaufman, with his love of visual texture (he’s like Tony Scott with substance and purpose) would serve up a veritable Sizzler buffet of powdered wig porking and poking.
Quills is exactly that, with rich performances and brilliant art design. Everyone acts like they’re tanked on ether, and can’t wait to get in front of the camera and try out that new accent they bought on eBay.
The plot concerns the twilight years of the Marquis de Sade (Geoffrey Rush, doing a Casanova Frankenstein with good dialogue), when he was locked in a French asylum, whiling away his time staging plays with inmate talent, and writing his most famous works, smuggling them out with the help of a maid (Kate Winslet, who gets yummier and yummier despite what the skeleton-worshipping fruits over at Us magazine say).
Wait a minute, I’ve got my laptop set on “run-on sentence”.
There.
The Marquis has another ally in the asylum’s warden/priest (Joaquin Phoenix, doing as good a job with his accent as Keaneau Reeves did in Bram Stoker’s Dracula) who’s convinced the Marquis is exorcising his inner demons through his writing. Of course, the popularity of lash-and-bum tomes like Justine brings the attentions of a Puritan doctor (Michael Caine) who is determined to “break” the Marquis and strike a blow for fuddy-duddies everywhere.
I could go into the loopy plot, over-the-top performances (Rush, in particular, has been to the Harvey Keitel School of Art House Acting) and ironic ending, but none of that’s going to do the job of GETTING YOU TO SEE THIS MOVIE, which you should. Because it’s more fun than a box of bon-bons shaped like tits.
The Marquis, locked in his cell, is a priapic Hannibal Lecter, whose pen and tongue turns everyone around him into heaving fuck-beasts. There’s a Feast of Fools sequence in which the Marquis taunts Caine’s character, who’s recently taken a child bride. There’s a brilliant sequence in which the asylum’s maniacs must transport de Sade’s latest work, sentence by sentence, to a waiting Winslet, like an X-rated game of telephone (a scene which inspires the film’s best line of dialogue, spoken by Rush, and not revealed here). And, pen and paper denied him, de Sade goes to some... ahem... brutal lengths to get his writing read.
Have a dinner of squab, a bottle of Yquem, and instruct your coach driver to get you hence to the nearest picto-graph theater. Get a nice box over the orchestra, crack a package of Venus’ Nipples, and support perversion.
It’s the Christmas season, after all.
MR. MOLLY
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She really is looking pretty good. I've liked her since Titanic. Now she's a mom. Sigh...
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If they were screening this at Butt-Numb-A-Thon, I'd definitely fly in.
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Looking at her tubby-ass draped across that sofa in 'Titanic' was like walking on the beach and stumbling across a beached whale. Not at all a pretty sight.
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Just looking at her in the trailer for that movie from last year, "Holy Smoke" was enough to almost make me want to see it, despite the horribility of everything else. And I agree with the "skeleton-worshipping fruits" bit, too. Slim is nice, but too many of todays' sex symbols are turning into malnourished freaks. Look what happened to Cameron Diaz, for god's sake! Does US have some vendetta against Kate or somethign? Actually I don't care, so why am I asking?
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I just wish she'd do some movies other than period pieces or snooty art house pictures. I mean come on, those last two movies of hers really sucked. How about a present day comedy? For Kate, that would count as stretching her horizons. As for her appearance, I think she looks great (maybe she's overdoing the gaining-weight-on-purpose routine just a little bit), but it is a real shame that she got married and had a kid already.
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Just as a matter of interest....are you TRYING to illicit a flame response by coming out with a comment like that? If so, you've succeeded. You are a mindless fuck-wit. If, however, you were just innocently posting your genuine opinion...you are a mindless fuck-wit. The beached whale joke is at least 14 years old. At least TRY to be original when you are insulting someone you don't know. And yes, if you clever enough (I doubt it though) you'll notice that *ironically*, I am actually insulting someone I don't know. Frankly, my friend, I could give a fuck. You deserve it.
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Kate Winslet is a total cow. I agree that lately (and for some time now) Hollywood has been saturating us with images of these two-dimensionally skinny woman. It's nice to see some healthy looking ladies on the big and small screen but to go so far as to say that Winslet is a 'hottie' (I hate that word by the way)? Just what the fuck are you smoking? You want to talk about some good-looking woman that aren't pencil-thin, why not mention Daisy Fuentes? Don't bring up some Howler-monkey ugly English chick with a face the size of a waffle oven. Shit, if it weren't for panoromic film I don't think anyone would know how see looked.
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Fuck off Splinter! First off, don't call me your friend you ignorant bastard. I don't care what context you meant that as, I don't want to be associated with a worthless little shit like you - even if it is through ridicule. I can't believe you're trying to ride my ass about being mindless and unoriginal when you used a word as juvenile as 'fuckwit'? Jesus, what kind of women do you attract if you actually believe that Winslet is attractive? You must be scraping the shallow end of the gene pool if you fantasize about her. But then again, I'm only assuming you even know how to talk to the opposite sex. I bet the only conversation you've ever had with a woman has been in a chat room. So in closing, i reiterate my opening statement -Fuck off.
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Kate Winslet is HOT and not a Hollywood bimbo like all those athor sticks!!
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"No more pictures where they write with feathers."
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I have yet to see this film, but if it is anything close to the play that I have read--all of these anti Hollywood Washingtonites will be left with their tails between their legs. The theme of this story goes straight to the heart of our present day Washington. Take that McCain--is this going to go over your head, too?
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One of the most beautiful women in the world. Straight up.
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...but when i read the phrase "heaving fuck-beasts" in a movie review, i automatically put it on my to see list. That and "chainsaw weilding action".
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KATE is thick and hot like a steak. Sexy or not this movie sounds boring to me. The kind of movie I'll end up renting and say hey, why didn't we see this at the movies? (Because it might not play my town, for one thing.) Here's my vote that Michael Caine sucked in Cider House Rules, by the way. I liked his character and everything, he was a sympathetic guy, he had a real moral dilemma on his hands, he even illustrated the dichotomy of man by destroying some unwanted lives while preserving some others. (He was even in a pretty good movie, a hell of a lot more entertaining than that Owen Meaney hatchet job.) But the press made a big deal out of his American accent work, which sounded just like a big ol' Michael Caine accent to me. He sounded as English as a gay bobby eating a crumpet out of Posh Spice's husband's butt. I say we retroactively award the Best Supporting Actor Oscar to Tom.
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Not many women in Hollywood are that luminous IMHO.
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So she's hatched a rugrat. That doesn't mean she ain't still got it where it counts. Just make sure you include reliable child care in your fantasies. Heh heh.
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Nov 03, 2000 12:40:42 AM CST
we need more reviews like this, i need kate winslet to sit on my
by tommy5tone
forgive the crudeness but kate's a real woman, baby! prior to marriage and childbirth, you could imagine getting her smashed on tequila slammers and having dirty, consensual one-night-only sex in an alley behind a bar. (of course, marriage and childbirth means she is now angelic and off-limits. fuck you, i'm catholic - that's how we think.) cooler than thou is living up to his name (all style, no fuckin' substance) with fuckheaded statements like his moronic post. what we all need to understand is that there are hotties of ALL shapes and sizes in this wacky world of ours. cameron diaz - thin but hot. drew barrymore - not as thin but hot. kate winslet - regular size and scorching hot. gwyneth paltrow - petite and kinda hot IMHO. shit, get into a janeane garofalo @ her freshman ten size/calista flockhart @ her 'ally mcbeal' skinniest sandwich and you've got the best of both, man! marilyn monroe - hottest woman of all time (official!) - was roughly the size of delta fuckin' burke and she STILL rates a 8 on finger scales the world over. BTW, miss molly's review was pretty cool. more like this one, if you please.
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And I found it to be a stirring and provocative drama about hypocracy and art and what defines obscenity Fucking ace performances. Go see.
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Hi
I went to the supposed world premiere at the london film festival. We happened to arrive at the same time as Kate winslet, and she wa slooking really good. I hated titanic, but i do have respect for her as an actress after seeing this film. It's a really superb film and well worth seeing. At the end, they did a Q & A session with the screen writer and Geofery Rush who plays the Marquis, and it was quite amusing.. check out. http://www.lff.org.uk for all the latest on the festival -
I was lucky enough to get to see the preview screening at fox's London offices two weeks ago and I have to say it was an unexpected suprise. The film in my humble opinion is excellent, well directed with superb performances from Winslet, Phoniex, Rush and Caine. I urge you to see it. When it comes to Friday night at the local multiplex and you are given the choice of Hollywoods latest hyperboled film and Quills make sure you choose this.
P.s As per usual Ms Winslet is divine as ever.
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