Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. If you've been paying attention to industry news you've no doubt noticed that Universal has had a hell of a year so far, and all without one single Marvel or DC property to milk in today's superhero world!
One of the cornerstones of their success has been the most unlikely of all franchises. What started out as a smaller Point Break-ish film about street racing has morphed into one of the most popular action series of all time. Furious 7 did a ridiculous amount of business. Stateside it sits as the fourth highest grossing film of the year (just behind Jurassic World, Avengers: Age of Ultron and Inside Out) and did a great $350m+ domestically, but the real success of the film was how well it did overseas.
Prepare yourselves for this number. Foreign box office on Furious 7 was 1.1 billion dollars. Billion. With a B, bringing the total rake just over $1.5 billion.
As you can imagine, Universal decided to really go all out for their Blu-Ray/Digital HD launch, so instead of just inviting a bunch of movie journalists to NY or LA to interview some people at a Four Seasons they set up an epic trip to one of the film's shooting locations: Abu Dhabi and someone along the line foolishly thought I should be invited.
I have always respected this job and acknowledged just how damn lucky I am to have it, but if I'm going to be dreadfully honest here I've always been a little envious of travel bloggers. Movies are my number one passion, but traveling is up there and these men and women get to travel around the world, stay at the best hotels and all just so they can rate their experiences.
The beauty of this trip, filled with tours around the United Arab Emirates, racing cars and the world's fastest rollercoaster, is that I can kinda dip my toe into that mysterious world of travel blogging while also not having to leave the comfort of my nerdy movie obsession.
And I've never been as wined and dined in my life as I was on this trip. Universal went extravagant, for sure, but they also seemed to have a partner in the Abu Dhabi Film Commission, most notably a quite remarkable company called twofour54, led by Noura Al Kaabi.
Their goal is to establish the UAE to be a premiere filming destination. Dubai landed a huge role in Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol and Abu Dhabi lured in Furious 7 as well as JJ Abrams' Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
These guys wanted to make sure to put their best foot forward and helped a rag tag bunch of loud, obnoxious Americans feel at home while visiting. That meant trips to local landmarks like the Emirates Palace (one of the Furious 7 filming locations), an amusement park called Ferrari World, the gorgeous Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque, the F1 certified Yas Marina Circuit and a stay at the ridiculously opulent Jumeirah at Etihad Towers hotel.
The Etihad Towers are the skyscrapers Vin Diesel drives his car through in that crazy action sequence. You'd recognize them:
Yeah, those buildings. I was on the 50th floor and it had all the amenities, including a James Bond villain style bedside remote that worked everything in the room, including blackout curtains. It also had a bathtub with this view:
When I travel I tend to only care that the place I stay has internet, a bed bug-free mattress and a shower that has warm-ish water. I'm normally a La Quinta guy, so staying at Jumeirah was a bit of a culture shock, to put it bluntly.
I mean, the bathroom had a glass-encased shower that was larger than my master bathroom and a separate glass booth for the toilets. Yes, toilets. There was the regular toilet and a bidet. Also I got to see Spider-Man!
For a guy who's just happy when there's not any random human hair in weird places (found a J-horror style thick clump of long black hair hanging off of a cheap motel shower curtain one time), this bathroom made me feel like I won a contest or something.
This whole trip did, really.
First of all, when in my life would I ever find myself in the Middle East? The UAE isn't Iraq or Iran or anything. It's a very moderate Muslim country and the most nervous I got my entire time there was on the flight in and out when I saw how close to Baghdad our route took us and something in the back of my mind remembered reading about commercial flights that have been shot down.
The UAE is moderate, but there are still many traditionalists there. I saw lots of women in burqas and men in their ghutras (head scarf). One interesting contrast: almost every single one of the more conservative family units all had iPhones and iPods out all the time. It was interesting to me to see how much influence the West has even all the way out here.
We were given a very detailed checklist of how to behave in public and what was and was not appropriate. Being a male most of that stuff was basic common courtesy (loud cursing's kind of frowned upon and it was a big no no to take a photo of any woman without her consent while in public), but some of the female journalists on the trip were recommended to show less skin than normal and when we went to the Grand Mosque they actually had to wear a form covering dress.
Other than that (and showing physical affection to someone in public) the basic rule was not to be obnoxious and you'll be alright. And I found that to be the case. Despite the 120 degree heat, everybody I encountered was very nice. Some were expected to be nice to us, like the Jumeirah General Manager Stefan Fuchs (who was a suave German dude who probably could take over for the Dos Equis guy as the Most Interesting Man In The World... he always had a smile on his face and a crazy story involving his run ins with presidents, dictators and movie stars on his lips), but I spoke with many locals during my time there and to the person they put me at ease.
It could be that they saw how excited I was to experience their city or they could just be really good at hiding annoyance. Whatever the reason, I was beaming this whole trip.
One of our first stops on our multi-day journey was Ferrari World and I was beyond pumped.
I've written a little bit about Disneyland on AICN, but I haven't had much chance to talk about my addiction to theme parks on the site.
You can thank my love of theme parks to an impressionable trip to Disneyland and Universal Studios when I was just young enough to still get scared on Haunted Mansion and at the Jaws section of the Tram Tour as well as growing up in the Bay Area, a short bus ride from Great America (the amusement park in Beverly Hills Cop 3) and the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk (famous for being the backdrop to The Lost Boys).
The rollercoasters, the tourists, the cinnamon smell of churros, the overpriced merch... I love it all. So you can imagine just how beside myself I was that we were getting to spend a few hours at Ferrari World, an all in-door auto-themed park that was home to the world's fastest rollercoaster: Formula Rossa.
We only had a couple hours in this park, so I made a bee-line for Formula Rossa. There was no scenario in which I was going to visit this place and not ride the coaster that goes from 0-150mph in less than 6 seconds. The other writers and publicists on the trip can attest to how excited I was for this as I probably talked about it every 10 minutes starting on Day 1.
On my walk up to the queue no less than 6 Arab teens ran past me, big goofy grins on their faces. Obviously they had just gotten off the ride and were running back to the line.
The amusement park is all inside, out of necessity... we were in the desert after all... but it wasn't very crowded. The big rollercoaster starts off inside, but blasts you to the outside track, a little like the Hulk ride at Universal Orlando if you've been on that. The difference is that there wasn't any loops or super steep hills and drops. The point of this sucker is speed and boy do you feel it.
You not only have to leave anything you have on you (cell phones and wallets included) with a park employee, have to wear goggles to get on the ride because you're going so fast outside that regular debris in the air could blind you. This is true.
I squeezed into my seat, was strapped in as tightly as I could be and off we went. The G force wasn't as uncomfortable as I would have thought, but then again I wasn't up front. Right out of the gate someone a few cars ahead of me lost their goggles. They were whipped away in what seemed like a video on fast forward.
The speed was felt the most on the banks. I was probably laughing like a loon the whole time.
It was a good way to prepare for what was to come: drag racing and drifting at the world famous Yas Marina Circuit.
Before we transition there, though, let me leave you with some quick pictures I snapped while at Ferrari World. You'll see some of the indoor activities, including a go kart track and a very surprising appearance by a Texas Roadhouse. Not pictured was the huge amount of simulator rides they had.
I wonder if I could talk someone into paying for me to travel around the world and visit all the coolest/weirdest/most awesome theme parks? If you guys hear of a print publication looking for that very specific series of articles that would probably only appeal to me and about 7 other people be sure to let me know!
Now on to the actual car part of this crazy adventure.
When the first itinerary for this trip went out we were told that we'd have a chance to ride in a car driven by a professional going super crazy fast. Some crazy bastard at Universal decided we didn't need the professional driver part and suddenly us nerdy movie writer types found ourselves signing paperwork that said we wouldn't sue if we killed ourselves and climbing behind the wheel of souped up Chevy Camaros, drag racing each other two at a time.
Our very nice instructor told us how the light system worked and pretty much just said to go when the yellow lights dropped down to the bottom of this pole:
I randomly got assigned first position, so I was in the first two people to try this out. I was totally not freaked out.
So there I was, lined up and waiting for my opponent to get positioned, staring down the blacktop and trying to remember at which point I was supposed to start slowing down when suddenly the light pole lit up.
I don't know what I was expecting... definitely not a “ready, set, go!” but something more than it just happening. In the second that it took for to register that I was supposed to hit the gas my opponent peeled out. I followed suit, but couldn't catch up even though I hit about 140mph before I reached the end and had to slow down.
On my second lap I wasn't going to let the horseshit sneak up on me again. The car had shift pads on the steering wheel, but I haven't driven stick since I was 15 and my grandpa decided to teach me how using his built-by-hand dunebuggy.
So, even though it was on automatic I knew I could beat my opponent out of the gate this time. I was read. I had my left foot on the break pedal and my right hovering just over the gas ready to release and punch it the second those lights counted down again.
And I fucking nailed it. I launched off of the start line and left my opponent in my rearview... for about 8 seconds. When I hit about 70, the accelerator floored, my car started to sputter. When I hit top speed on the first run the car was so fine tuned that I didn't feel any resistance. It wasn't a scary experience because I always felt in total control, but something was wrong this time.
I don't know if I hit a button or broke something in the car, but it kept sputtering and I couldn't get it going faster than 70, so before the end my opponent overtook me and I lost twice in a row.
Sorry if I broke one of your cars, Yas Circuit people! It was really your fault for letting someone like me behind the wheel if you think about it...
Next up was a move to a different track that was designed to for drifting. This was going to be something... I've never (intentionally) drifted my car before. From video games I thought I knew the general mechanics, but I grew up in Austin. It's not quite small town enough for us to do donuts in the DQ parking lot like much of the area outside the city.
I was eager to hear the instructors teach us how to do this. Here's pretty much what the said:
”Drive fast toward that wall, then drift before you get to it, then come back. Do it again. Any questions?”
Yeah, he totally Curtis Armstrong from Better of Dead-ed us. I raised my hand and said, “Yeah... um... how do you drift?”
Judging from the relieved look on the other writers' faces I saw I wasn't the only non-gearhead who was in the dark.
He went into more detail this time, but still not much. Just that you go fast, slow down going into the turn and as you turn the wheel accelerate again and your ass end will start to slide. And slide it did. I wasn't first up this time, so I watched many folks spin out and was certain the same would happen to me (it did).
I even stalled out my car in the first turn. I went again and did pretty well, but my real time to shine was when I got to the final bit where an orange cone sat in wetted down part of the track. We were supposed to nose up to it and do donuts, keeping the cone in front of the car and spinning around it. Most people failed at this, but I got it right away.
Driving real fast in a straight line was a bit too much for me, I guess, but goddamn did I spin around that cone a good 4 times before my rear end got away from me (that's what she said), which is about 3 more spins most got.
I couldn't repeat that feat, mind you, but I was pretty righteous on the day.
The day drew to a close, but we weren't finished at the Yas Circuit just yet. There was a catered dinner as we waited for what was to be a big reveal of some of the hero cars used in Furious 7, graciously loaned by some really, really, really serious looking rich Emiraties.
It may not seem like it, but just one of those cars was valued at more than I could make in 20 years doing this job. I mean, I do write about movies for a living, so that's not saying much, but you know what I mean. These were million dollar cars.
The other big landmark we hit while vising Abu Dhabi was the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque.
That photo doesn't quite show how huge this mosque is. It does show that I have some debris on my Nikon's sensor and I need to shoot some compressed air up in there before the next trip, but it doesn't quite show the size of this place of worship.
The Mosque was a dream of the now deceased (and beloved) UAE president Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan. The man was critical in forming the young country that is the United Arab Emirates, so the feeling I get was that he was kind of like their George Washington.
You'll see a few photographs below. All were encouraged, both inside and outside the mosque, except for a small, humble building near the entrance, which I found out was Sheikh Zayed's actual tomb.
As I mentioned earlier the ladies on this trip had to dress up a little bit and I made sure to be respectful enough to wear a long sleeved button down shirt (which is saying something considering that we were in million billion trillion degree heat), but once again I never felt like I was out of place or being scrutinized by the locals, even when walking in a group of picture taking tourists.
It was at the Mosque that we actually met with Noura Al Kaabi, who I found out was not only a fascinating person to talk with about the state of the film industry in the UAE (and in particular Abu Dhabi), but also a bit of a celebrity. The rather strict looking Mosque employees gathered around her the second she joined our group inside the Mosque and waited patiently for us to finish talking so they could each get a photo with her.
Noura was a government official for a while before starting her company with the purpose of bringing in tourists and businesses. She was instrumental in setting up the tax incentives that would entice productions to at least check them out. She told us that was what happened with Star Wars. There was a while where they thought they already had their desert, but then they came down to Abu Dhabi and fell in love with the rolling orange sand dunes.
She told us all about plans for a giant studio soundstage to be built to support the Hollywood features, but that the biggest interest they've gotten so far is from Bollywood. Apparently tons of Indian films are flocking to the UAE.
Anyway, it was an interesting day of getting a taste of the local culture and that wasn't it. The Film Commission and Tourism people held a dinner that night at the Emirates Palace, which is probably the only hotel in the country that could give the Jumeirah a run for its money in terms of upscale decadence.
You'll recognize the Emirates Palace from Furious 7. The crew drive their cars to the steps and get hero shots exiting their million dollar cars and walking up the steps.
Inside the hotel was an ATM that only dispenses gold. I'm not kidding:
Sadly the cheapest amount of gold I could buy was about $300 US. If I could have pulled out $20 and gotten a tiny spec of gold I would have done it just to say I did, so it's probably a good thing I was priced out of that temptation.
What I wasn't priced out of, however, was a cappuccino that was garnished with edible gold. I shit you not, this was real and it was delicious:
Wired up on coffee and emboldened by the tears shed by the world's poor after I literally drank gold I went into the big closing night dinner which was set up to show off the local culture. This started with a group of men who sang and danced in a line as we passed by. They also had swords and they were shy about swinging them around as they performed, which made walking past them slightly more treacherous than I imagined at first.
Before walking into the actual party we had to stop and take a picture with a Falcon, hood and all. I'm not kidding. I'll spare you my touristy white guy holding a falcon in the Middle East photo, but it did happen. I also took a picture with these camels because why go half-tourist in a situation like this?
There was a calligrapher inside as well as a Henna Tattoo artist. Before the night was over I stopped by both. The calligrapher would translate your name in a fancy style, so I asked him to do me up three pieces: the first and middle names of me and both my nephews. If you read my AI revisit article you know I've gotten very close with my nephews, so I thought this would be a cool souvenir to bring back... plus I just wanted to see what Rocco Danger and Max Trouble looked like in fancy Arabic writing. Yes, those are their real middle names, by the way. Mine, David, is super boring.
I'm sure since I asked for three pieces the third one probably says “Fat Dickhead” but I'm happy to not know the difference. I am American, after all.
The Henna artist was happy that so many of the guys at the party wanted to get tattoo'd. If you don't know, Henna is an ink that stains the skin. It's like getting a tattoo that is not permanent or doesn't involve a needle jabbing into your flesh, so it's pretty cool.
It's not common for guys to get it done in the Middle East. It's mostly used by men to dye hair, apparently, but the actual design element is a more feminine thing. She was telling me that it was fun to practice on male (read: hairy) arms and hands and then said she didn't know why UAE men weren't into it since apparently the Qu'ran includes many incidents of the Prophet Muhammad using Henna.
This is what mine looked like before and after:
The dinner itself was great. I tried shark, which despite my nickname I had never actually had a chance to eat. It was kinda like the texture of canned tuna and taste a little bit like gator meat. Not my thing, but I can say I tried it.
Our final obligation on this trip was the next day and that was an interview with Tyrese Gibson. I actually did that on camera and will run that separately. He was tired (word on the street was he was out partying with the Royal Family the night before), but it's a fun chat, so look for it. Plus you'll get to see why we've been so slow to move to video here. I definitely have a face for radio and a voice for print.
But that was my trip to Abu Dhabi in a nutshell. Crazy, crazy life, isn't it? Still waiting for the powers that be to realize they made a mistake and assign me my rightful job as the assistant manager at a Best Buy or something, but until that day I'll just be thankful for the oversight.
Many thanks to Noura, Hamda and all the other kind people at twofour54 for making me feel at home, Stefan Fuchs at Jumeirah for always having a crazy story to share when I bumped into him in the lobby and team Universal and MPRM (specifically Jennifer Black, Lea Porteneuve, Evan Fong, Courtney Dolliver, Heather Marshall and Jackie Cavanagh) for doing all the hard work arranging this nutty adventure.
And thanks to you guys for making it all the way down to the bottom of this 4,000+ word mega beast of a travelogue. If you made it this far then you're family to me and you know what Dom says about family...
-Eric Vespe
”Quint”
quint@aintitcool.com
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