Who Is HERCULES THE STRONG'!'
Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Excuse me... I'm laughing too hard to type an intro right now... this is freakin' funny...
This just in from the Friday edition of PageSix.com:
“The identity of the anonymous Hercules - a regularly featured contributor to the website aintitcool.com - is the newest guessing game in New York and Hollywood.”
This just in from Coaxial News:
New York and Los Angeles remain starved for entertainment!
Here’s a scoop you won’t find on PageSix. I’m told there has been speculation in the chat rooms, apparently fostered by the hilarious Cartuna portrait of myself that now concludes my postings to Coax, that I am actually confined to a wheelchair.
The real reason my cartoon self looks as it does: AICN mastermind Harry Knowles (correctly) thought it would be funny for Hercules The Strong -- who routinely concludes his posts with the words “I warn you not to defy me!” -- to appear as fragile as possible.
The ironic nature of the absurdly talented Cartuna’s AICN contributor portraits will grow more apparent as Boss Man Knowles continues to roll them out.
To read the whole “truth” about the entertainment industry’s quest for my secret indentity, feel free to waste your valuable time here.
The PageSix.com piece also, more accurately, states that “Hercules obviously has a wide range of contacts.” Too true, but he could always use more. If YOU have access to pilots, upcoming episodes and the assorted material that serves as grist for the Coax mill, please don’t be shy about getting in touch.
All you need do is click on the email@example.com “I am – Hercules” hyperlink that concludes each post.
And remember not to defy me!
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Oct. 27, 2000, 9:54 p.m. CST
That's sort of funny... But aren't you worried about offending all the no legged, bald, half naked, pepole on IV's? And First...
Oct. 27, 2000, 10:05 p.m. CST
What I wouldn't GIVE to be you! Man! FIRST!!! That is SO AWESOME!!! And, the way you rub it all those other losers' faces with your "by the way, I'm first" bit is GOLD! Maybe, one day I'll be the first one to post on a new topic and be able to show it off like you did! Shit. . . man, YOU were first! FIRST, man! Wow. I still can't believe it! It's like, God has chosen you to be the first guy to post on this article, and now you're going to Heaven on a golden sled or somethin', man! Because YOU are FIRST! SHIT! FIRST!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! WOOO!!! DAMN!
Oct. 27, 2000, 10:44 p.m. CST
by Big Andy
Hey RevSam, you know that old rule- i before e except after c? Pretty weird hey?
Oct. 28, 2000, 2:53 a.m. CST
DO NOT DEFY ME MERE MORTALS FOR I AM SON OF WEINSTEIN! PAGING PAGE SIX'S RICHARD JOHNSON! CLICK ON MY USER ID NAME TO SEE MY TRUE IDENTITY AND MY E-MAIL ADDRESS! I AM HARVEY'S PRODIGAL SON! DO NOT DEFY ME OR MIRAMAX SHALL BE SENT STRAIGHT TO HADES LICKETY-SPLIT!
Oct. 28, 2000, 11:44 a.m. CST
Bah. I don't follow arbitrary spelling rules, unless necessary. I gave up on the whole i before e, 'cept after c thing. Just to many dang exceptions. And on another note, I get to say I was first. At least I didn't follow suit with many others who write "I'M FIRST!" (direct quote) over and over again. Geez, have some respect for a man of the cloth!
Oct. 28, 2000, 12:40 p.m. CST
Just thought I'd add a random Ralph Wigum quote to this post. "And with a flute up his nose, Ralph Wigum!" *toot* "That's some nice flutin', boy."
Oct. 28, 2000, 12:44 p.m. CST
"Why its Luke, and Obi-Wan, and my favorite, Chewie! They're all here! What do you think?" "I think its lunchtime." "It wins!!"
Oct. 28, 2000, 2:41 p.m. CST
"My doctor said I wouldn't get so many nosebleeds if I just kept my finger out of there."
Oct. 28, 2000, 8:33 p.m. CST
"The leprachaun told me to burn thing"
Oct. 28, 2000, 9:56 p.m. CST
I know what Hercules is all about. Herc is a poor, lonely soul who yearns to create something meaningful but somehow can't, whether it be lack of talent, intelligence, or whatever, so he spends his time criticizing TV. His poorly written rantings betray a level of jelousy over people who are actually working in the industry that will one day cause Herc to suffer a stroke or heart attack. Do not fear Hercules, but be sad for him, and hope that he can one day rise above the pathetic level of "TV critic" and become a contributing member of society. I am funkbunny.
Oct. 29, 2000, 2:51 a.m. CST
Hercules is none other than Kevin Sorbo.
Oct. 29, 2000, 3:24 a.m. CST
That the only thing you need to get a job at "Aint It Cool News" is to have no real understanding of the English language or of basic punctuation and spelling. Don't knock yourselves over patting yourselves on the back guys.
Oct. 29, 2000, 10:40 a.m. CST
Oct. 29, 2000, 10:58 a.m. CST
I'd love to work at one of those places that adds the closed captioning to TV shows. That'd be a great way to see shows early.
Oct. 29, 2000, 9:09 p.m. CST
. . . RevSam was First! Geez, I can't believe nobody's giving this honored man the respect he whole-heartedly deserves! The guy was the first person EVER to post on this article, and he etched it in stone forever with the words "I'm first!" None of us will ever be so lucky in other articles to be posted on this site. . . no matter how much we pray. So, RevSam, on behalf of all the AICN Talk-Backers, I salute you! Good job, buddy! Keep on postin' them "first" articles and show everyone just how much of a man you really are!!!
Oct. 29, 2000, 9:12 p.m. CST
Bummer, dude. But, at least you were First! Nothin's gonna take that from you, man! NOTHING!!!
Oct. 30, 2000, 12:31 a.m. CST
Oct. 30, 2000, 5:36 p.m. CST
I do believe that every post with spoilage is label as such. Big red label with SPOILER! maybe a clue that if you are going to watch the episode and NEED to be surprised because of some sort of emotional desire on your part, then DON'T OPEN THE POST. If it
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