Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

I've had some letters from people now that they've seen Hercules, some of them surprised that he doesn't appear to be at his physical peak. I would remind those people of how old Herc is (he makes me look like a spring chicken) and that he possesses powers far beyond those of mortal man. Besides, all he does is watch TV. He doesn't have to be built like freakin' Ferrigno. Make fun of him at your own risk, people. I've seen the damage this man can do to a green apple martini from Lola's. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION FAQ 1.1

WHAT IS CSI?

The first network series from Jerry Bruckheimer, the insanely successful film producer behind movies like “Armageddon,” “Gone in 60 Seconds,” “Coyote Ugly” and “Remember the Titans.” It airs 9 p.m. Fridays on CBS beginning tonight.

WHAT’S IT ABOUT?

A half-dozen very attractive young men and women working the graveyard shift of the Las Vegas police’s Criminalistics Dept., a crack squad of crime scene investigators charged with solving crimes by scrutinizing fingerprints, bullet wounds, hair follicles, toenail clippings and the like. The show’s point of view is nicely crystallized by a line from Marg Helgenberger’s character, who loves her job: “We’re just a bunch of kids who are getting paid to work on puzzles.”

DID YOU LIKE IT?

I kinda did!

WHY?

It’s different. It kept surprising me. I think my first clue that this was no ordinary crime drama came with an early line about a white suspect from one of the show’s black investigators,: “Oh, he’s lying. That’s why I took this job, I can always tell when whitey’s lying out of his ass.” As far as I know, none of the regulars on “Law & Order” ever say ANYTHING LIKE that. Later on, while visiting a judge at home in an effort to obtain a warrant, the same character is held at gunpoint: cops were called after neighbors reported a black man in the judge’s neighborhood. When the cops tell the investigator to drop to his knees, he refuses – at risk of his own life. “I’m not getting down on my knees for anybody. You can shoot me.”

SO THE CHARACTERS ARE DIFFERENT?

Yes, the investigators are mostly young, nerdy obsessed types. As centrifuges whir, they discuss “Exorcist” dialogue and the merits of“NFL2K” for Dreamcast. One grows to share their enthusiasm for the nuts and bolts of criminal science.

WHO WROTE THE PILOT?

Anthony E. Zuiker, a newcomer who came up with the idea four years ago while he was driving a tram for the Mirage. But, for a change, the show’s uniqueness doesn’t stem entirely from the writing. There are smash-zooms into strands of hair. Cameras also plunge into bodies through bullet wounds, “Three Kings”-style.

WHO DIRECTED THE PILOT?

Danny Cannon, exhibiting a good deal more restraint and charm than he did on big-screen projects like “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer” and “Judge Dredd.”

YOUR RATING FOR “CSI,” HERC?

**1/2

The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:

**** better than most motion pictures

*** actually worth your valuable time

** as horrible as most stuff on TV

* makes you quietly pray for bulletins

I warn you not to scrutinize me under a microscope!

I am – Hercules!