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SNAKES ON A PLANE.... brilliant'
Hey folks, Harry here... now it isn't often that there is a script logline that jumps out at me as being something I can't wait to see... but today over at Variety they covered the script sale by John Heffernan called SNAKES ON A PLANE... here's what they had to say...
``Snakes'' is a thriller in which a ruthless assassin releases a crate filled with lethal snakes aboard a packed commercial airliner high above the Pacific Ocean. Paramount will handle distribution duties.
As someone that travels on Airplanes far too often... this particular concept scares the shit out of me. Now... thinking logically and right off the top of my head... the immediate question is... Can you take a box of live poisoness snakes on a plane with you as carry on? and if so... WHY IS THIS NOT ILLEGAL AS FUCK? I mean, dear God. Just the thought... Now, when I fly, I instantly pull my little sleeping blindfold on... place earplugs in place... get me pillow, aim the air thingees and conk out... would I be safe? I mean, the snakes don't by still unmoving people do they? I mean... what sort of evil bastard is this John Heffernan to put this notion in my head. I don't want to think on my next intercontinental flight that there might be some sort of poisoness viper slithering two seats behind me, thinking.... "Hmmm... I'll bite that redheaded fat fuck!"
I mean... in the tradition of SSSSSSS and RATTLERS.... and AIRPORT and CONCORD... I mean, this could be like really horribly scary. I can just feel an entire audience screaming and squirming while the snakes start at the back of the plane and head for first class... spooky baby spooky
Where's Rikki Tikki Tavi when ya need him?
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"You see I have this great idea...think 'Manchurian Candidate' meets 'Ghost'."
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No lie...they had a skit of this exact situation on Saturday Night Live about 5 years ago. Honestly, it wasn't very funny, and I don't think this movie will do much better at being scary. Besides, I've always been much more worried about a snake coming out of the toilet a la Porky's. God, now that would be a shocker.
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what about the movie "Fer De Lance about snakes that infest a U.S.
attack submarine? Talk about a scary movie! Saw that when I was a child and still get the creeps thinking about it. -
It sounds to me like an Airport meets Raiders of the Lost Ark kind of concept, which sounds too farfetched, too stupid and unoriginal.
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Sep 25, 2000 3:41:46 AM CDT
There's a new breed of assassin out there. Younger. More ruthles
by dave_f
I tell ya, time was a hitman could bring down a mark a half mile distant with a good sniper rifle. If you could get inside the victim's house, maybe a silenced pistol would do the trick. Double tap to the back of the head, clean and professional. Worse came to worse, a little piano wire around the throat and your man's down. But now...now it's all about snakes. Damn kids and their trends. Hell, even some of the old school wiseguys are looking into 'em now. I mean, would it kill 'em to put some poison on a knife and just fuckin' stab a guy like the old days? Goddamn snakes.
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And is Ice Cube in it? More importantly, does Ice Cube get killed?
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..Die Hard meet's Airforce one meet's Alien meet's Airport with reptiles sort of Jurassic Park kind of thing.
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Luck Always seems to be against those who depend on it.
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It could've been about a ruthless assasin who releases bloodthisty lions on the plane. It would be pitched as "Passenger 57 meets Ghost in the Darkness". Oy vey. I'm sorry I even said that. The snake gimmick sounds more like something you'd find in a straight-to-video movie or a lame ass USA late night movie with Corey Feldman, Julian Sands, and/or James Belushi in it. I hope that the script rots until it smells like wheat grass enduced feces. 'Nuff said.
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Dude, came home tonight, tilted on a few COCK-tails, and well I also smoked out of a very big bong! SO to utter STONEDNESS and DELIGHT, I saw this SNAKES ON A PLANE SHIT and say "FUCK YA!" Snakes scare the shit out of me, and WOW! WE NEED TO BRING CHEESY FUCKING CAMP MOVIES BACK IN FULL FORCE!!! HERE'S HOPING THAT MOULIN ROUGE IS THE XANADU OF THE MILLENIUM!!!
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Sep 25, 2000 5:15:13 AM CDT
But you know what actually *is* a fun little airplane suspense f
by dave_f
"Executive Decision", that's what. Okay, it's a little on the B side, sure, but it still stomps all over the closest competition, "Air Force One" ("Get off my plane!" croaks Harrison Ford, trying and failing to recapture the righteous fury of former roles). "Executive Decision" had a cool little plot, a solid ensemble cast, suspense maintained throughout, lots of twists and...AND...annoying puffy-man, Steven Seagal, explosively decompressed into the stratosphere inside the first half hour. Fun movie.
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... this isn't a movie about an assassin. It's a movie about snakes. On a plane. Called Snakes on a Plane. How can this NOT fill you with a sense of glee? I once almost ran a film course dedicated solely to assassin movies. The hypothesis was this - America doesn't know shit about assassin movies. Don't ask for assassin movies. What Americans do best is poignant, black, self-pitying psychobabble with sex and death thrown in, future noir, and movies so blatantly one-gag that you ignore your higher brain functions and think like a child : eg "ooh, DINOSAURS!" or "ooh, ASTRONAUTS!" or "ooh, A SUBMARINE!" At least this script writer has the balls to pitch a movie about a gag so corny yet id-pleasing that it's beyond being satirized as even remotely trying to be intellectual. Snakes. On a plane. Kind of like hamsters being hammered as a musical act, or tigers released in a cage to test a deoderant. Let them make this movie. BEG them to make this movie. Don't go to spend eight dollars or waste two hours on it, but I'll bet getting to see just the trailer would be worth the effort. Snakes on a plane. Heh.
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Sounds like a blatant rip-off of BRIEF ENCOUNTER to me. Noel Coward is playing mublety peg in his grave.....
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... then it would be kind of like the Poseidon Adventure. Speaking of which - I caught Poseidon Adventure on AMC this weekend (letterbox edition) and that movie is still great.
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Sep 25, 2000 10:52:18 AM CDT
THIS SCRIPT IS BEING REWRITTEN AS DIE HARD WITH A FOURKED TONGUE
by buzz maverik
This is so stupid I love it, I love the title, and I will see it.
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This immediately brought to mind the book "Venom" and the subsequent British film with Oliver Reed and Susan George which featured a Black Mamba shipped by mistake to a snake lover in a London apartment building. The snake gets loose and runs amok in the building. There is also the terrific first novel of Carl Hiassen's..."Tourist Season" which features a delicious scene of wealthy tourists on an evening cruise. Wined and dined and on the top deck at evening's end, a helicopter appears, hovers and drops a batch of beautifully wrapped presents on the deck. The cries of delight turn to screams of horror as the boxes are opened and poisonous snakes emerge. Snakes on a plane sounds lame and too confined. Placing the scenario on a luxury cruise ship would be much more fun!
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"You'll Believe a Snake can Fly!"
THRILL! As Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck play "Hide the Serpent" in the Mile High Club of terror!
WEEP! As Patrick Swayze struggles to free Britney Spears' mongoose from the luggage hold!
HISS! At Jeremy Irons' obscure villainy and icy sibilance!
So how will our heroes finally defeat the wascally weptiles?
Hint: Snakes are cold-blooded, so they hibernate at very low temperatures. And they can't use oxygen masks. -
Sep 25, 2000 2:04:02 PM CDT
Gore and Bush both favor legislation to keep snakes off planes..
by z-man
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So what is the goal of these terrorists?"Take this plane to Iraq or feel the wrath of my foked tounge friend"This will be even dumber than BATS!
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Sep 25, 2000 3:21:13 PM CDT
A movie about a terrorist who uses snakes as weapons? On a plane
by kingkrypton
Uh...is this a Jon Peters production? It sounds like the sort of stupid idea he'd have. Man, what is it gonna take for us to get a GOOD terrorist movie? This thing sounds like a dumbed-down JAWS or an even dumber ANACONDA. And please tell me that the previous poster was kidding when he said a studio exec bought a sarcastic story idea about bank-robbing dogs....
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Anybody remember The Doberman Gang? Seems to me it was a T.V. movie of the week but I am not sure. 70's maybe. Anywho it just goes to show ya that it's hard to try to make up something stupid that someone hasn't already pitched or (shudder) actually made.
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Shipped an adult female Ball python in the cargo hold of a passenger jet on one of the major carriers about 5 years ago. Of course they're not venomous. And they aren't ALL that large... Still, I suppose I could've shipped something else and labeled it "Ball python." Who at the airline would've known the difference? What if it got out in-flight? What if it met up with YOU in the commode??
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Sep 25, 2000 7:03:07 PM CDT
Diverdan, scarey to think, the "Doberman Gang" was a theatrical
by uncapie
I know, I saw it on a double bill with an equally scarey film, "The Bat People!" What's worse, the doberman sequel had James Franciscus("Brent"-the second coolest astronaut on the "Planet Of the Apes" and blind detective friend of Bruce Lee's.), Barbara Eden("Yes, Master!" Heh, heh...) and Fred("The Man With the Fancy Footwork.") Astaire! Maybe they needed to pay the rent that month.
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...for when you're really fuckin drunk. In a years time there will be a disaster movie about a monster fire in the midwest, headed towards a town, shifts in the wind making it go different directions, yadda yadda, ad. infinitum. Yeh. What do you want to bet it'll happen.
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Well... considering that you own this huge web site... i guess i shouldn't be surprised. I think your attitude makes me forget your popularity. So? First Class huh? Rich Bitch... what kind of car do you drive huh? Porsche 911 Turbo? Damn... must be nice... About the movie... cool concept... but brilliant? uhhh....
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Sep 26, 2000 1:40:55 AM CDT
What Happened To My Post Making Fun Of SNAKES ON A PLANE? Did I
by buzz maverik
...that the snakes are rigged to explode if the plane slows down to under 50 mph. Jeez, was that so hard?
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Sep 26, 2000 1:58:55 AM CDT
Okay, so the Zamboni can't go below 50 m/h or it'll explode!, so
by monty python
...Yeah, Cant friggin lose man! Got any coke?
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Of course, don't forget my 1998 script "Stung" about a giant mutant wasp created when its DNA is altered in a microwave oven. Some people have got no originality these days. Still, I'd like to see at least one snake get "cooked" in the plane's microwave with an inflight meal and emerge as a super-mutant snake...
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Sep 26, 2000 1:11:04 PM CDT
Naw, Spiders On A Train Would Be Silly! MONKEYS ON THE METROLIN
by buzz maverik
...now there's an idea!
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...Thank you, Mechcommander, I've been trying to remember what that movie was called for years. I saw it when I was a kid and it terrified me. I swear to god, I had a nightmare about that movie the other night after I watched a National Geographic special about Africa's 12 Deadliest Snakes. Man, that movie creeped me out like no other.
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how about a flight from ny to hong kong with kathy lee gifford and rosie o'donnell drunk and horny on the flight. if kathy brought the kid too it might get alot worse.
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Sep 26, 2000 8:50:36 PM CDT
In the spirit of the island, we should let the snake eat the rat
by toe jam
nuff said
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Sep 27, 2000 2:10:39 AM CDT
Uhhh.........where do we get tickets for the hamsters getting hi
by fuglynuts
the word
out -
Sep 27, 2000 2:02:15 PM CDT
Way to go, "creative geniuses", you just KNOW some moron out the
by arcturus
...and I hope I'm not on that plane when it happens, and you all should too. Though I am reluctant to hamsting an individual's creativity, the choice between making this potential movie and having hundreds of people die at the hands of some sick copycat, and pursuing the making of a more intelligent, responsible film project, ain't no choice at all in my book, but that's my book, not other people's. So my solution? Ya shouldn't have the right to stop the movie from being made, but you CAN appeal to the good senses of the filmmakers to use discretionary measures, such as a desclaimer in the opening credits saying "Don't try this at home, you dopes." (or something to that affect.)
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You're on an airplane, and some moron has in his overhead a whole swarm of bees. A little turbulence, the over head pops open and the bees fall out, the box splits open releasing thousands of angry stinging bees all in the confines of an airplane at 30,000 feet.
Does this beat the snake idea yet Harry...???
HEHEHEHHE HEHEH HEHEH -
From the future!!
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you stole my idea.
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you stole my idea.
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